Excited, and very tired, Marlene went to sleep. School must be very exciting for young people.
The next morning Tifa wakes up well after Marlene headed off. I made Marlene some lunch, and she twisted her nose at my choice of broccoli and spaghetti and sloppy Joe. I mentioned that at least it's better than popcorn for lunch, as I had to feed her once. She didn't complain after that, but gave me a hug before she left.
Tifa's sipping on her half-a-kilo-of-sugar tea, and I'm drinking it like normal people should, with no sugar at all.
"What did you want to be when you grew up?" She dares. It feels like she was gearing up to ask it.
"Where did that come from?"
"I dunno." She shrugs with one shoulder, playing with the rim of her cup. I can tell she's ready to go on the defensive if I get angry for the personal question. It's probably part of her problem of 'not knowing me'. "Did you want to be an astronaut? Or maybe a mathematician?"
"Nothing so fancy." I admit, "Space was not something that was achievable, and I wasn't scholastic enough for math."
"Then what did you want to be?"
"Does it matter?" Why would she want to know these things?
She frowns a little. Honestly, my life is not that interesting. I was never a good, noble person, just a thief and a killer.
"No. I guess not." She says, but the edge of anger in her voice is hard to miss.
"Tifa?"
She meets my gaze and now the irritation is obvious. How do I manage to upset everyone around me? No wonder I live alone.
"Right." She spits, letting her true emotions through "What does it matter? It's not like we've known each other for years." Her sarcasm is hard to miss. I sigh.
"Tifa, I-" I didn't meant to offend her. I just meant that my past is of no consequence, that's all. Who I am now is an order of magnitude better than the person I've been.
"I don't pry." She says in self-defence to accusations I wasn't even thinking, "But I honestly don't know a damn thing about you."
"There's nothing to know." I'm trying to placate her. It's not working.
"Right." Now she seems just plain sour. Sipping her tea more to make a point and to do something. Why am I in this situation now? "'Cause you joined us when you were thirty and you had absolutely no past before that."
I cringe despite myself.
"I'm twenty seven." I correct her only to receive a glare at the effort, "And you know how I ended up where I was."
"So that was your entire life?"
"No, of course not."
There's a pause. Does she expect me to elaborate? Does she want me to tell her everything about everything since I was born? It is not interesting. If she wants...
"I- What is it you want to know?"
She gets up, fills up her cup from the tea pot again and leans back against the counter while it cools.
"Don't just do it to placate me."
I sigh. What does she want? Displeased if I don't tell her and displeased if I do? I think she sees the slump of my shoulders because she turns to leave.
"You know what?" She raises her hands in a small fan in front of her, shaking her head, "Forget I asked, ok? I'm sorry I brought this up."
She's walking out of the kitchen.
What does she want? To know me? My past isn't who I am. I am who I am now. I've worked hard on accepting my past and moving on. I thought I was doing alright.
Think, Vincent, think.
What do you know about her? Some. She grew up in Midgar. Her mother died when she was young. Her father was killed by Sephiroth during the purge of Nibelheim, right above my head. She has a scar from when she confronted him. She's the bravest, most beautiful woman of my acquaintance. Cloud and her are childhood friends. They made a promise.
What does she know about me?
My name is Vincent Valentine. I'm six feet tall and have about six inches of fat combined on my entire body.
Umm... What else does she know?
"Rich."
She stops at the door to the entrance, half-turns to me. That frown is still on her face. I'm sorry, Tifa. Let me try again. Let me try and behave like a person who wants companionship, because I do. I want you to know me. I want you to be the only one who does. Because you know what? It might bore you to tears and you'll beg me to change the subject. But... If I know that you know more about me than anyone else in the world, it makes you special to me.
I think. I've never really...
"What?"
"Rich." I get up, pick up her forgotten tea cup and place it on the table. Please accept this as my invitation to sit back down and be bored to death. "That's what I wanted to be when I grew up: rich."
She approaches the table warily, as if uncertain of what it is I'm talking about. As if fearing I'll bite her.
"That's it?"
"That's about it. I had low expectations for myself." I sit in back down, leaning forward to put my elbows on the table, "All I wanted was for me and my mother to live comfortably." To my delight she sits down again, fingering the handle of her cup idly, as if trying to convince me she's not really interested.
"You mother?" This seemed to peak her curiosity. Oops. I guess I have to tell her at least a little more. What's too much?
"What was she like? A stunning beauty of Wutai?"
Tifa has a strange imagination.
"She was… damaged." I carefully start, thinking back to that woman I never really learned to know, "She never really knew we were there."
I have Tifa's rapt attention. It's a little strange. The more I think about it the more I remember about her, about that short time I was at home. I haven't really thought of my mother in a while. Not since the house... "I don't know what was wrong with her."
All I remember her doing is staring out the window. I think she was waiting for something, but I don't think even she remembered what. "She was just… disconnected."
I remember not so much what she smelled like, but more how that smell affected me. No matter how exciting my day might have been, walking into our home meant quiet, almost reverence. You never ran around, you never yelled or laughed too loud. Crying was something she didn't have patience for, and one would be put outside the house until you decided to be quiet again. She spoke, but only when something was happening. She never... chatted.
Tifa braves, "What about your father?"
"As a child I knew he was in Midgar, but that was all. He sent us money. Not much, hardly enough for two children, but we didn't starve." This man whom I am supposed to be so similar too, but will never have the chance of knowing. "I met him a couple of times after I became a Turk. The only reason I knew he was my father was his last name. He died a few years later in a lab accident. We never became close." I conclude.
"You have a brother?" This seems to stun her, and I can almost see her imagination running away with her.
"Older." I confirm. If he yet lives he must be very old. Take that.
Tifa seems thoughtful, she says,
"I guess I never realised that although my dad died… at least I had all those good years with him, huh?"
I nod.
"I suppose that's a good way to look at it. I never really had a family, so I'm not entirely sure what I'm missing." I try for lightness in my voice even as I feel jealousy rise. I'm pretty petty sometimes. Damn you, Cloud.
"Then we can be your family." She says cheerfully. A flash of anger builds and I say-
"At least until I'm replaced."
-before I can stop myself. The hurt in her eyes cuts me deeply. And my anger faded with that one accusation. I'm an idiot. "I'm sorry."
After a few moments to collect myself and resist hitting my head against the table, I look at her. Her brows are scrunched together, her mouth pursed into a thin line of displeasure. She's looking towards the window.
Even though they're not biologically related, I can see similarities in those two. Both striking profiles filled with strength, beauty and pride.
"Tifa." I try. She sighs, looking down at her feet, fingers still fiddling with the handle of the cup. "I'm sorry. I did not mean it like that."
"But you thought it?"
I swallow, unable to find an answer. I just want to feel as though...
She sighs again,
"That impassive face." She mumbles, then says loudly, "No, I'm the one who should be apologizing, Vincent." She looks at me. I can see in her eyes that she's struggling. She has a family that's not really a family and Marlene lost two fathers who never really built her a family. She's trying to build one on a man that's not there to be the foundation. It's a mess and I can't blame her.
"You don't have anybody, and here I am playing with your feelings."
I could say that it's ok, but then I'd be lying. I just… It's hard to think of oneself as a replacement for something. I don't just want to be here because Cloud is gone. I don't just want to be a quick fix and then forgotten. I don't want to be optional in anybody's life.
I don't want to be second priority for anybody. I wish sometimes... Sometimes... That I'd find someone for whom I was... Important. I wasn't lonely there in Wutai. I was content. When I go back I will learn to be content again. That doesn't mean it won't, or doesn't, hurt.
"I don't think you should apologize because I chose to care about you two."
A small smile breaks through, and she averts her eyes from me. I continue,
"I know that Cloud is-"
"Let's not talk about him."
"Huh?"
"Let me act like Cloud for once and be selfish and ask you not to talk about him."
"All- Alright."
An awkward pause.
"Sorry." I repeat. She shakes her head to clear the doubts that lingered in her expression and then changes the subject to simpler, less charged topics.
Damnit, Cloud.
.
.
Wow. Took me a while. This conversation was difficult! I'm not sure why. Maybe it was because I needed them to not get along for once, so I had problems with the conflict. More to come soon, I hope! Please tell me what you think of the progression so far. It's hard living with another person, especially someone as introverted as Vincent…
I also just realised that this chapter is shorter than the last ones I posted, so please help me keep steam up to post the next chapter real soon!