Chapter 9
Elphaba woke early the next morning as usual. She tended to Talissana for a short while before going down the hall to look in on the other children. Stavna and Olive were still peacefully asleep, and at first Elphaba wasn't surprised to find Graiya's bed was empty. just lately, she tended to be an early riser as well. But once Elphaba had walked through the house and saw no sign of her oldest child, worry crept in.
Before going so far as to wake anyone else, Elphaba stepped outside to see if Graiya might be in the yard, though she knew better than to go outside without telling someone first. When the yard was likewise empty, Elphaba went to rouse Fiyero, who definitely didn't appreciate the early wake-up call.
"Just because you're always up early, why do I have to be?" he groaned, turning away from his wife and closing his eyes again.
"You have to get up. I can't find Graiya."
This instantly got Fiyero's attention and he sat up, his voice full of alarm.
"What do you mean you can't find her?"
"Just what I said!" Elphaba snapped. "She's not in her bed, or anywhere inside the house. Not the yard either. If someone had gotten in here, one of us would have woken up. I didn't hear a thing... And now she's not here. She wouldn't just leave the house, she knows better than..." Elphaba paused as she recalled the conversation with Riordan the previous day.
"Unless she overheard us..." Elphaba said this so softly Fiyero could scarcely hear her. "If she overheard him, what he said about the magic... That has to be it. But where would she go? Where?"
Fiyero was still barely awake, and felt very lost. "Wait a minute. I know you and Riordan had that fight, but Graiya was with me in the nursery, looking after the baby. She was acting strange, but I didn't... I thought it was nothing serious."
"I don't blame you. You couldn't have known. We just have to find her. She must be so... So crushed. But where is she? I can't sense anything."
"We'll look for her," Fiyero said, getting out of bed and quickly getting himself ready to go out. "I'll ask the other girls if they have any idea where she might have gone. When we get her home... Just for frightening you like this, I should give her a punishment she'll never forget!"
"She deserves to be punished, I know that. But I know how she must feel. She's wounded enough. Even after I explain this to her, she will still be hurt. Count yourself lucky you don't understand. She doesn't need punishment the most. She needs --"
"You," Fiyero finished before Elphaba could even think of the word she wanted to complete her thought. "I'm too angry. I'll make things worse. I'll stay here with the other children."
"You think I'm not angry?" Elphaba asked in surprise. "Of course I am... It just won't do me any good. She must be so confused. She was only trying to help me."
"You can make her understand, Ivy. Get yourself ready, I'll go talk to the girls."
Elphaba watched her husband walk out of the room, feeling like there was something else she should say but not knowing what it was. She got ready in just moments, and by the time Fiyero returned to the bedroom, Elphaba was anxious to be on her way.
"They don't know anything," Fiyero said, his voice dripping with frustration. "They fell asleep, Graiya was there. When they woke up she was gone. They said she didn't say more than five words before they all fell asleep."
Elphaba sighed, but wasn't exactly surprised at this news. What bothered her more was the fact that she had no sense of where Graiya was, or if she might be in any danger. She wondered how long she might be out looking, but decided to just get started and return home as soon as possible. Thankfully, Glinda and Travion slept on, therefore sparing Elphaba and Fiyero anymore explanations for the moment. After quickly looking in on the other children and kissing her husband goodbye, Elphaba was on her way, deciding to take the carriage rather than setting off on foot.
Explaining to the coachman that she had no exact destination drew a curious look from him, but once she shared further details, his face darkened. "If we need to drive around the entire city, then that's what we'll do," he said, saying the only thing he thought might be comforting. They set out, and at first Elphaba looked up and down each side of the street for her daughter. But soon, she realized she had the wrong idea. Graiya wasn't likely to be out in the open... Her appearance made it all too obvious who she was, and she was trying to hide, not be found.
"Where are you, Aya?" Elphaba whispered to herself, closing her eyes and making herself concentrate. She knew that visions could not be forced, but hoped that single-minded focus on trying to sense where her daughter was would be helpful. She felt confident Graiya had not left the city limits. It would be unlike her to turn to a stranger for any kind of help, and Elphaba knew that Graiya would not be at the home of the only friend she had from school. That was too simple. After another moment, an idea burst into Elphaba's mind, and she nearly shouted the address to the coachman. Not ten minutes later, they pulled up in front of Taliesin's house. Elphaba climbed down from the carriage and walked slowly to the door, afraid her instinct was wrong.
Elphaba's knock was answered quickly, despite the early hour. Taliesin smiled when he saw Elphaba, but it quickly faded when he saw the anxiety and fear in her eyes. "Is Graiya here? I woke up this morning and she was gone. We don't think anyone took her... Please, is she here?"
"Yes," Taliesin replied, pausing as relief washed over Elphaba's face. "She's sleeping. We were up talking most of the night. She assured me you knew where she'd gone. I'm sorry, I would have sent a message if I had known she left without permission." He stepped aside, allowing his former student to enter.
"She's asleep in the guest room, first door on the left, down the hallway there. Take as long as you need."
Elphaba quickly went to the door Taliesin had indicated, but for a moment hesitated to open it. Once she pushed it open and saw Graiya asleep in the bed, she released a breath she hadn't known she was holding. Graiya was indeed still asleep, but it was clear her rest had been filled with tossing and turning. As Elphaba watched, Graiya turned over again, tangled loosely in the sheets. She suddenly opened her eyes.
"Mama... you came," she whispered sleepily, sounding so surprised... so glad, that Elphaba had to hold back sudden tears. "I'm sorry I left without asking," she went on. "But I heard--"
"I know," Elphaba interrupted. "We'll talk about it later. Sleep now, darling heart. You had a very long night." Elphaba approached the bed, took off her shoes, and climbed in beside Graiya, who rapidly moved away to the other side.
"Don't get too close, Mama!" the child cried. "If you touch me it might... hurt you. I don't want to do that. I don't!"
"I know," Elphaba said again, soothingly. "You didn't hurt me, Aya. You helped save my life."
"But Grandpapa said..."
"He's wrong," Elphaba cut in angrily. "He is, Aya. I promise, we'll talk about it later. After you get some more rest."
Elphaba remained there with her daughter until the little girl dropped off to sleep again. Even in slumber, Graiya stayed as far away from her mother as possible. After a short time, Elphaba got up and went to talk to Taliesin, because she was interested to know what he had said to Graiya.
"I tried to explain to her how wrong her grandfather was, but I could tell she wasn't convinced. At least not yet. She needs time. She kept telling me that she never wants to use magic again. Even I know that for her, trying to do that is like trying to stop loving you... It's impossible. When she is ready, I think it nneds to be you that guides her."
"You're right, I'm sure," Elphaba said quietly. Then, she said it was really time for them to go home, since the coachman was still waiting, and Talissana would be needing attention. Taliesin was surprised and overjoyed to find out about his little namesake, and promised to come for a visit in a few days in order to meet her.
At this point, Elphaba went to get Graiya from the guest room. Rather than waking her, Elphaba carried her to the carriage. When they arrived home a short time later, Graiya was still sleeping. When Fiyero opened the door to them, he was simply happy to see his daughter home and unhurt. He kissed her on the forehead before Elphaba took her to the bedroom to put her down. Stavna and Olive, who had been waiting anxiously in the room, trying to distract themselves with play, were extremely relieved to see Graiya. They quietly left for the downstairs living room so they wouldn't disrupt Graiya's sleep. Once the older children were settled, Elphaba went to the nursery to check on Talissana, who was sound asleep. Elphaba then went to join her husband in the living room, though reluctantly.
"Where did you find her?" Fiyero asked without preface. Hearing the lack of anger in his voice, Elphaba met his eyes.
"Taliesin's. When I got there she was asleep, but even before I could try to wake her up, she opened her eyes. She overheard Riordan, just like I thought. When I tried to touch her, she wouldn't let me. She's afraid of hurting me."
"Then that's where you start. I know you could never be afraid of her. Tell her that. Talking her through this is more important than anything else right now, and I'd love to help... But it isn't me she needs. Once she gets up, you'll have to give it a try."
"You make it sound so easy, Fiyero. How am I supposed to know just what to say? I never thought I'd have to explain something like this to her. We've been so careful, trying to make sure she knows she's not doing anything wrong. And now Riordan has changed everything."
Fiyero scowled and looked like he wanted to rage against the upset Riordan had brought to his family. After a moment, though, his fury calmed, because he knew his wife and daughter were the ones he needed to take care of. Any words he had for Riordan would have to wait for another day.
"He did," Fiyero answered simply. "But Graiya is home now, and when she's ready to listen to you, you can start making things right again. I think you're not giving yourself enough credit. I'm sure you'll know what to say to her, Ivy. Just tell her the things you always wanted your father to say to you."
Elphaba made no reply, but nodded her head slightly. Fiyero could see she was lost in her own thoughts, so their conversation came to an end. By the time Elphaba had tended to the baby and looked in on the other children, Travion and Glinda awoke. After they had taken enough time to be fully awake, they were told about what Graiya had done. Travion frowned and spoke hesitantly.
"I think it might be better if we all went home for now. You have enough to worry about already without having house guests."
"You aren't guests," Elphaba said softly. "Please stay. At the very least, having all of you here might make Graiya feel better. Not to mention me."
Glinda smiled, but the expression didn't go all the way to her eyes. "Elphie, once Graiya is less upset, maybe it would be a good idea to send her and Stavna to stay with Fiyero's parents. They always go for two weeks or so in the summer anyway. It might be just what they need."
"No," Elphaba said gently. "Graiya will probably think she's being punished. She loves to visit her grandparents, but I don't think now is the time. She needs us."
Glinda nodded before speaking again. "But she needs my father, too... So do you. Maybe if the three of you could talk just once more... Please, Elphie."
Elphaba's expression hardened as she replied. "Not yet. I'm not ready, and obviously neither is Graiya. Of course I won't keep him from my children. That never crossed my mind. But Graiya loves him... That's why what he said hurt so much. When she's ready, he can come for a visit."
"You still love him, too," Glinda said quietly, but knew better than to press the issue any further. Fiyero got started making breakfast for everyone while Elphaba went to look in on Graiya once more. She found her little girl perched on her narrow windowsill, staring out at the bright sunshine. She obviously heard her mother enter, because she almost immediately spoke, without looking Elphaba in the eye.
"He doesn't really love me anymore," Graiya whispered, her voice filled with tears. "If Grandpapa still loved me, he wouldn't say what he said."
"He does love you, Aya," Elphaba replied, crossing the room to stand beside her daughter. "I promise he does. He was just afraid and worried. I did my best to explain, to defend you. He will understand, once he thinks about things."
"If you think he still loves us, why don't you want to see him?" Graiya challenged, levelling her gaze on her mother. "You've never done that to anyone else. Be mad at him, if you want... But why tell him to stay away? Why?? It isn't fair, Mama!"
Elphaba was so surprised by this turn in the conversation that it took her a long time to think of what she wanted to say. Once she at last composed her thoughts, her words came slowly, but firmly.
"You're right, Aya. It isn't fair. All I can say is, he hurt me so deeply, that I need time to heal inside before I talk to him. I won't keep him from you and your sisters. I guess I'm still getting used to having a father. The father I grew up with, he..."
"He hated you," Graiya whispered, a tear streaming down each cheek. "I've felt that sometimes, inside you. Why did he hate you, Mama? I can never figure that part out, it gets all jumbled up."
Elphaba did not hesitate to answer this time. "That's a very good way to describe how he made me feel. When I was very little, I knew he hated me, because of my skin... and my magic. I might still have tried to love him. But he didn't want anything from me. He was ashamed of me, embarrassed. All of the things your father and I have been so careful not to burden you with. And now..."
"You think Grandpapa is like that," Graiya finished, and Elphaba nodded.
"But he is wrong about you, Aya. You did nothing wrong. Papa and I aren't ashamed of you, we aren't angry or frightened. We could never be frightened of you. You wouldn't hurt me. You're already learning to control the magic. I could never be afraid of you. And holding hands, hugging each other or anything is fine, darling heart. There is no harm in that. None."
"Are you sure? I mean, all I did was hold your hand, and Grandpapa said..."
"You aren't always doing magic. Being close to me at other times is just... Normal. And you didn't hurt me with what you did. You did hurt yourself, and you shouldn't do that either. If you'd let me, I can teach you how to use the magic more safely. Do you think you'd like that?"
"Yes. Oh yes..." Graiya paused, a twinkle of laughter coming to her eyes. "But with the way you get angry, are you sure you're the best one to show me, Mama?"
"Oh, you are funny," Elphaba teased back. "Unless you want Aunt Glinda to try it, at the risk of teaching you how to make half your body disappear or something, I guess you're stuck with me."
Graiya laughed out loud before answering. "It's not that bad. She did help save you too. Her magic is just... Different. Grandpapa isn't scared of her magic." Graiya shrugged, then at last came down out of the window to sit on her bed. After a moment, Elphaba came over to sit beside her.
"Mama?" Graiya asked after a moment. "Are you sure it's okay that we touch? Really sure??"
"Absolutely," Elphaba replied without an instant of hesitation. Mother and daughter shared a long hug, and then went to the living room, where Fiyero was waiting for them. Graiya took one look at his face and knew what was on his mind.
"If you're going to punish me, Papa, go ahead," she said calmly. "I'm sorry I ran away, I know I shouldn't have. I'm really sorry, Papa." Graiya took a seat on the couch, as far away from her father as possible. She looked him in the eye, but quickly looked away again.
"I know you are. But Graiya, next time you are going to ask someone to take you where you want to go. Do you understand me?"
"Yes, Papa. Will you tell me my punishment now? Whatever it is, I want to get it over with."
"Well, that's going to take a little time, young lady. You have to do all of your sister's chores plus your own, for the next two weeks."
Both Graiya and Elphaba stared at him in surprise. "That's all?" Graiya said, unable to stop the words. Fiyero smiled gently.
"Yes. I think you've been through enough already that you don't need sterner punishment. After a while, once you and your grandfather talk about things, everything will be fine, Aya. You'll see."
"Only if Mama talks to him, too." Graiya whispered sadly. Then, she met her mother's eyes. "He's not really mad at you, Mama. It's me... He still loves you, and he still wants to be your papa. Can't you let him? Please?"
"I will, when I'm ready. We'll have to talk about it another day. Grandpapa went home last night."
"Oh," Graiya said, so softly both of her parents barely heard it. "Is that my fault?"
"No," Fiyero and Elphaba answered in unison. Then Elphaba went on. "I told him I didn't want to talk to him for a while. He chose to go back to Gillikin... I can't blame him, though. I know I hurt his feelings. Soon I will send him a letter, and we can start over from there."
Graiya looked like she wanted to say more, but held her tongue. Once she was given permission to leave the room, she went downstairs to see what her sister and cousin were doing, trying not to think about the fact that part of their family was now missing. And that no matter what her parents said, it was partly her own fault.
By the time Graiya's two weeks of punishment reached their end, everyone had returned to either work or school. Taliesin and even Cole had been for a visit, and Graiya's lessons with her mother had begun. The only thing that hadn't happened was that Elphaba had not sent a letter to Riordan yet. No one in the family had discussed his absence during the fourteen days, but as Graiya was being tucked into bed now, she could not help bringing up her grandfather.
"Mama, please won't you send Grandpapa that letter now? I know you're still mad, and I'll be scared of him, a little... But I miss him. He misses us. I've felt it. My birthday is in just a few weeks. What if..."
"He won't miss your birthday, Aya. I promise. Aunt Glinda can tell him what day to come for the party. Don't worry."
"But you won't talk to him. Will you?" Graiya accused.
Elphaba sighed and closed her eyes. "I can't promise anything. I told you how he made me feel. It will take time. It's late, you should be asleep."
Graiya knew her mother had changed the subject to avoid getting upset, so she let it drop. Elphaba spent several minutes talking to Stavna, trying to dispel the heavy mood in the room. the younger girl's giggles helped everyone feel a little better. Once the two sisters were alone, Stavna turned to face Graiya.
"Aya, I miss Grandpapa too. Why can't we send him that letter? Papa would help us."
"Maybe. I miss him, but after what he said, I'm scared to see him again. What if he hates me?"
"Wouldn't you already know that? You said you feel what he feels... What is he feeling right now?"
"Sometimes I can't tell... He's sort of far away. But right now he's annoyed... so maybe he's talking to his wife."
Stavna giggled, then said, "Aya, that's not very nice."
"No, it isn't. But it's true. She makes him unhappy a lot. And she hates Mama... so I don't have to like her."
"Aya... Do you think people like her hate Mama the way the kids at school hate you?""
"Didn't I ask you not to talk about that here?? Mama and Papa have enough to worry about with their jobs, and now Talissana being born. I've already got them mad at me because I ran away. I won't make things harder by telling them about the bullies at school. I can't use my magic on them, so I'll just do the best I can."
"But... what happens if they do the same thing this year on the last day of school? You had bruises for so long last time. I don't know how Mama and Papa never saw. It scares me, but they shouldn't do that! I don't care what you say, this time I'm sticking up for you!"
"No, Avna. I've told you, it isn't for you to worry about. I can handle it. I promise."
Stavna looked her sister in the eye. Even in the dim light, Graiya could see the intensity in her expression.
"You're my sister. That means I have to worry about you. I hate those kids... I really do. Boys are stupid!"
"Everybody acts stupid sometimes. They don't like me because I'm different, and everybody can see it. But I told you, if we tell Mama about this, she will feel bad. She knows all about stuff like this already. I won't make her anymore sad. I just won't."
"Okay," Stavna agreed with a sigh. "If you're sure."
"I am." When Graiya went on, her voice was more gentle. "Go to sleep, Stavna. It's late, and we want to be up in time to send that letter to Grandpapa before lunch."
The short letter Stavna and Graiya wrote to their grandfather was sent the very next day. Several days later, a reply arrived. The girls were happy when Riordan said he would be coming for a visit. It would coincide with the end of the school year, when Stavna and Graiya would be enjoying their first day of freedom from teachers and homework.
The excitement of summer holidays plus a visit from their grandfather got both girls out of bed very early on the day Riordan was due to arrive. Their mother was still on leave from her job because of the birth of the baby. She was so busy with household tasks that Graiya was able to make it out of the house to play without her mother seeing any of the fresh bruises she had gotten the previous day.
Once Stavna and Graiya were perched in the limbs of their favorite tree in the front yard, Stavna looked at her sister's arms and burst into tears.
"I told you they'd do it! Yesterday even I didn't see those marks on you. Please tell Mama now, Aya. Please."
"I don't want to. She's very busy today, and she's worried enough about seeing Grandpapa. Papa just went back to work. It's not the time."
"You always say that!" Stavna cried. "What if they had hurt you worse, and your bones were broken?? Then what?"
"I don't know," Graiya admitted. "But I'm fine, it's just bruises. We're supposed to be having fun. You don't want Grandpapa to show up and see you crying do you?"
"No," Stavna whispered, her breath still hitching with tears. "Do you think he'll stay a few days? Maybe we can go over to Aunt Glinda's house and visit. Then Mama won't get mad."
"They need to talk... I'm hoping if she'll at least say hi, that maybe..." Graiya paused, her face clouded by pain. "You wait here. I'm going to go inside and at least put long sleeves on. If I can find something for the pain, I'll take it."
Graiya climbed down to the ground slowly, and just as she got both feet on the ground, she saw Riordan approaching the house on foot. She tried to hurry to the door and get inside, but Riordan was walking quickly. As he neared and Graiya knew he had seen her bruises already, she stopped where she was and waited for the inevitable questions.
Once Riordan was close enough, he knelt on the grass in front of Graiya and gently took her hands. Stavna quietly came down from her perch in the tree to stand beside her sister.
"Graiya, who gave you all these bruises?" Riordan asked this as gently as he could, sensing that Graiya was still leery of having him so close. The way he had asked the question gave her no room to try and tell him that it had been an accident, a fall... Anything else than what it was.
"Some of the kids at my school. Yesterday was the last day, and they usually just pick on me. But yesterday... Please don't tell Mama! She doesn't even know yet. I don't want to make her sad!"
Riordan wanted to hug Graiya gently, but she resisted his efforts, so he hugged Stavna instead. He kept her close as he went on. "Aya, your parents need to know about this. They wouldn't be angry... You know that. They can help make things better."
Graiya's face suddenly hardened. "Why do you care? You think I'm bad anyway. You probably think I should have gotten beat up!"
"Graiya Rose, that is not a fair thing to say. No matter what I said the last time I was here, that doesn't mean I want to see you hurt like this."
Graiya was clearly unconvinced, and after several long moments of silence, Riordan went inside with Stavna to say hello to Elphaba and Talissana. Once they had gone, Graiya slowly walked back to the tree and sank down, resting her back against its trunk. Though she knew she shouldn't, there was no stopping it, and Graiya burst into tears.