Chapter 11

He wouldn't call it love. The goddamn word had been running through his mind since Sawada-san brought it up.

No, that was… that wasn't it. Takashi wasn't sure what love was. It was a word thrown around a lot. But for him, the word love meant much more. Something much more intangible. Something he didn't think he hadn't quite experienced.

He experienced a longing for her. But nothing more. He admired her, in every facet. But it wasn't enough to call it love. Mori liked her… though not enough that he couldn't function without her. He just wanted to be her friend. A good friend. He wouldn't dare ask for more. He didn't depend on her.

But dependency didn't seem right when it came to love. It wasn't right to be dependent. Takashi wouldn't dare hold her down. Hana had such a free spirit, it was always there with her when he ran with her, or when they fought. The way she looked up towards the sky, like she belonged there. And he was would just wait, on the ground, watching from afar.

He didn't have any reason to contact her, or to see her unless it was by pure chance, or because he was asked to. Takashi couldn't will himself to text her beyond what she asked of him. She was busy, she had priorities, and he didn't dare to get in her way.

The thought of her came up every time he visited Sawada-san. Takashi decided that he needed another distraction so he took up a job part-time at the university library. It was quiet and calming, and the job was easy. It worked out, given that he had no problem reaching the high shelves. His hours increased as the summer break came around.

It so happened that the entire club was scattered across the globe.

Honey had taken an engineering internship for the summer. Tamaki was off in France, Kyouya in America, while the Twins were off at some fashion design institute in Italy. Haruhi was going off to Boston in a few months time. Hiro was still off touring with his music.

And then there was him.

Still stagnant.

Still in Tokyo.

Organizing books on tall shelves.

That feeling of being left behind kept crawling back to him. He was stuck in time. Feeling lost and confused. He thought of her.

You give me hope. That I'm not alone in this.

He wondered when he'd see her again. If their orbits would ever cross, despite everyone else that rocketed away.

The summer for Hana meant modelling projects lined up for her, but it also meant another contract signing for the next few years. The date was quickly approaching and she did her best to focus at what was at hand.

"When are you home?" Hiro asked. He was on tour in Europe. The siblings called each other every once in a while, though the older they grew, the farther they seemed to grow apart.

"Um," Hana coughed uncomfortably. "I won't be home for the summer." She didn't want to go back. She wasn't ready.

"Why not?" Hiro asked. "I'll be home in a couple weeks, but then I'm flying to LA to work with a producer."

"Yeah um, I'll be in Seoul in the next few weeks. Singapore thereafter, then Shanghai."

"Since when did you get so busy? You usually schedule them with a few days of a break," the brother's voice grew in concern. "Is Mom making you do these projects?"

Hana shifted in her seat uncomfortably. "No, uh, things just worked out this way."

"Where are you now then?"

"Airport," she answered vaguely. Hana absentmindedly flipped through her passport. Stamps from Italy from when she travelled to Milan, the UK for London, New York in America of course, for school.

"You'll be at my release party though, right?" Hiro's voice suddenly turned hopeful, realizing that his sister was busier than he thought she would be.

"Yeah of course. It's your first album, I promised I'd be there." Hana quickly checked the date again, and sighed in relief when she realized that she could make it. "Listen um, I have to go. I'll call you whenever, Hiro."

Hana ended the call before her brother could question her any further. She felt guilty for doing so, but it was always easier to run. Run away from whatever that made her feel heavy inside. Hiro was in no capacity to understand how she felt, and Hana refused to get in the way of his own happiness.

Hiro was living his dream. Hana was trying to figure out how to survive. It felt like she lived in a different world from him and she was alright with that. Living in ignorant bliss was envious, in a sense. It was a complicated web of emotions she had towards her family. Or whatever they would be called.

In truth, Hana actually took the last month of her summer off – one month before her contract renewal with the modeling agency. As the model got back into the swing of things, she watched as the numbers in her bank account grow slowly but surely. It was all hers to spend, but it would only last a couple years at most after paying for school and the living expenses that incurred.

Reality was a hard truth to swallow. It was impossible to live the way she was used to without money, but it was a tough road ahead to say no to her accustomed lifestyle. In fact, she contemplated on renewing her modelling contract, just in case. A safety net of sorts, if things didn't work out she would still have a job, whether she liked it or not. It would pay the bills, and quite sufficiently so.

The months went by as Hana kept herself busy. The last thing on her list before her real vacation of one month was to attend Hiro's release party, held on a floor of some hotel. It was just one night, she told herself. She dressed simply, in an attempt to be discreet.

Record producers, managers, recording artists, and a whole mix of socialites happened to be there. Hana hadn't realized that Hiro's network extended so far. Good for him, she thought. It seemed like he was in good hands.

Hana found herself in a corner, watching people go by and catching a glance at her. As if they knew her from somewhere but not quite being able to place a finger on where exactly. Nonetheless, nobody questioned her presence, they knew she was famous of some kind. She stood in place, watching and waiting for her brother.

"Well, well, well," a voice came up from behind.
"If isn't Hana Sawada, the supermodel who is rumoured to be one of the highest-paid models in Asia after an 8 month hiatus," another voice finished the sentence.

Hana sighed in relief. The Hitachiin Twins were here to support Hiro, which only meant the Host Club was here too. At least it was a familiar face, or two familiar faces that put her in a little more ease than before. The model bowed politely as a greeting and smiled.

"Heard you picked up a modelling stint for our athletic line eh?" Kaoru winked.
"Gave us one hell of a bill too," Hikaru added.

Hana only sheepishly smiled. "Well, I mean. Thanks for the job." All she could do was stay humble amidst all of the teasing. Before she knew it, Hana was surrounded by Tamaki and joined by Kyouya in the shadows. Hiro finally came by, hugging his sister first and thanking his friends for coming.

The usual festivities went on, with champagne, congratulatory speeches, and soon enough music was blaring through the speakers. It was a full out clubbing scene that Hana quietly slipped away from. The event made her feel stuffy, and her feet were already sore from standing for so long, making small talk with the Host Club. Mostly Kyouya, as they discussed the stock market. As soon as the loud music came on, they dispersed.

Hana limped over her way into where the elevators were, reaching out into her bag for her phone with unread text messages and emails. The model wasn't paying attention when she accidentally bumped into a large figure.

"I'm so sorry, I should've been looking at where I was going," Hana was the first to apologize, head bowed down. She looked up to see a familiar face. He too, was surprised to find her here of all places. "Takashi?"

He nodded. "You alright?"

Hana nodded in response. "You're uh, you're late. Or I mean, er, fashionably late?" she tried joking. He was dressed up in a suit, with a skinny tie that was obviously tied in a rush. Hana took a double take. He got a haircut, she noticed. His hair was less of a mess, though Hana never seemed to mind it either way. Mori's lips were pursed into a thin line, in an attempt to keep himself from grinning as he watched her ramble.

"If you're here to find Hiro, it's impossible. He's swallowed up by crowds in there," Hana gave him a heads up. "Text him that you're around. Maybe you'll have better luck that way?" She put a hand on his arm, patting it before she reached over to push the elevator button.

Takashi was still in disbelief that he found her here. Of course, it made sense that she would be here to support Hiro. He just didn't expect her to be so… easily found. Like it was fate.

"Honey isn't here?" Hana looked around. She didn't see him earlier during the party either.

"It's past his bedtime," Mori explained. Hana looked at the time on her phone. 10:04 PM. "He's busy with his internship during the day."

She nodded in understanding. "What about you?"
"Had a night shift," he answered. Hana didn't know that he had a job. She stayed still, waiting for him to continue. "At the library of my university." He offered in explanation. Hana smiled, liking how she only needed a little bit of patience to get to what she wanted to know.

The elevator came just at the right time and Hana smiled again before bowing.

"I won't keep you. Go find Hiro. Have fun," she stepped into the elevator and waved.

Mori could only watch the elevators close. He was frozen in place. He couldn't even wave back, still in a daze that they managed to cross paths again. What the hell was wrong with him? He could only watch the elevator numbers rise, up until the very top floor. Mori looked towards the walls, booming with heavy bass and back to the elevator doors.

Instinctively, he panicked and rapidly pushed the elevator button again. Who was he kidding? Clubbing wasn't his thing. He wanted to be a good friend but just being outside of the blaring music made him feel uncomfortable and uneasy. Hiro wouldn't have noticed him being there anyway. The elevator finally came after what seemed like eons.

Mori quickly got onto it, pushing the button for the highest floor.

He walked out into the hallway and found a small veranda, usually meant for hotel residents that wanted a night view of the Tokyo skyline. The door was open by just a tiny bit, held open by a small doorstop wedged in between. His legs took him over to the exit, and he caught a figure in a dress, back exposed to the summer heat of Tokyo. It beautifully lined her figure in a plain navy blue, dipping down just enough to expose the middle of her back. The dark fabric protruded smoothly into an A-line skirt at her waist, and her grey heels matched perfectly with the dress. Her brown hair was up in a high ponytail. She dressed simply, probably because she didn't want to attract attention he figured.

Takashi watched her carefully, her shoulder stiffened and her stance began to shift. She heard his footsteps. But she didn't know it was him. Her first line of defense, he always saw it.

"It's me," he confirmed, easing her out of any worries. Hana turned around and immediately relaxed.

"What are you doing up here? I thought you were going to go find Hiro," the young woman looked at him with curious eyes, eyeing him from head to toe. There was a slight breeze from being so high up, and his hair blew in the wind. His dark blazer was unbuttoned and he immediately reached over to his tie to loosen it. Hana noticed her breath hitching at the action.

Mori shrugged.

"Clubbing isn't your thing either," Hana understood after she came to her senses. Of course it wasn't. Mori and clubbing? Not in a million years. She gave him a small smile and tilted her head over to the railing. "Come see the view then. It's quite lovely."

He followed her instructions and approached the railing to stand right beside her. She leaned over the railing, arms crossed and her fingers painted a dark red to match with her lips. He opened his mouth to speak, but no words came out.

And as always, she came to his rescue. Her eyes were affixed on the bright city lights, and Takashi was always thankful she never seemed to notice the way he stumbled around her. He wondered if she was just pretending not to see his throat being caught, or the way he gazed at her.

In truth, Hana was afraid that the more she looked at him, the less coherent she would become. He was attractive. She'd been surrounded by beautiful people for a living but he… he elicited something in her that she hadn't felt before.

"You've been well, yeah?" Hana finally found the words.
"Mm," he answered. It was a yes. Sort-of. He was well, for the most part. He had a daily routine that he slipped into.

"Thank you," she murmured. She turned to him, meeting his eyes briefly. "I can finally do it in person after so long. I appreciate you keeping tabs on Ojii-san." Hana bowed her head to show her sincerity. Mori placed his hand on her shoulder, and shook his head. It's nothing, really.

Hana stiffened and he felt it beneath his grip. Takashi immediately took his hand away, afraid that he might have overstepped his boundaries. The girl didn't mean for him to recoil. She was just surprised by his touch. Her heart skipped a beat and her immediate reaction was to stiffen in fear.

What's happening to me?

"Sorry, um," Hana stuttered. "I've just been stressed and busy and… I—"
"It's alright," he cut her off. It was his fault. He took a small step away from her and gazed over to the city. But his eyes couldn't help but to steal another glance at her. She leaned against the railing and looked down to the city.

"How um, how did you find me?"
He was silent. He watched the elevator go up to the tallest floor because he couldn't move after she left. He was paralyzed. He didn't know what willed him to chase after her. To find her. To see her again.

Hana turned away, embarrassed. "What am I saying? You probably weren't looking for me in the first place."

But I was.

"It's still nice to see you again, Takashi," she murmured, just loud enough for him to hear.

He cleared his throat. "You… you as well."

The two stood in comfortable silence, unsure what to say but they both didn't want to say goodbye to one another. Hana put a stray hair behind her ear, while Mori loosened his tie a little more.

"You… look…" Takashi worked up the courage. Beautiful. Gorgeous. Stunning. "Pretty." He almost kicked himself. He had all these words in mind and his brain decided on pretty.

Hana smiled. He called her beautiful before but at the time, she thought he was being nice – a gentleman as always. But something about the way he said it this time, his hesitance and averted gaze, there was something different.

"Thank you," she answered. "You as well."

Hana mulled over her last sentence, realizing something. "I mean, not pretty, but…y-you look really attractive… in um, the best way possible." She face palmed. Hana was usually composed with these things. Compliments were things she often received and she took them with grace. But this time… it was different. It was from him.

Mori smiled in relief for the way that they both clumsily formed sentences. Hana was trying to recover from embarrassment while she shook her head at herself – as if she assumed that he was still looking at the skyline. His smile grew into a smirk as he pretended not to see.

Hana shifted her stance, leaning down to check on her heels. Mori peered over to see the back of her feet bleeding. She sighed. It was not a surprise, in fact it was such a regular thing to be wearing uncomfortable shoes that Hana shrugged at the sight.

Was she going to walk home like that? He wondered. He wasn't going to have her do that. Mori leaned down before her with his back facing her.

"Get on."
"Um," Hana stood frozen, on one foot. "It's fine, Takashi. I'm used to this. I'm capable of walking." She patted his back so he would get up. Hana refused to be piggybacked. But he didn't seem to want to move.

"Really, it's not like walking barefoot is a big deal." Hana stepped onto the ground to prove it to him. "I've done it before."

Mori shook his head, his head turned to see her still standing in place. Hana placed her shoes aside and walked over to face him. She held out a hand, standing tall above him.

"I am no princess to be kneeling for, Takashi. Stand up. I will have none of this." Her voice sharply cut through the rooftop, authoritative but not angry. She was not going to argue with him and he was not the type to argue anyway.

Takashi reached up to her hand, to which she pulled with all her strength – enough to make him stumble forwards. He always forgot how strong she really was. He was dangerously close, enough so that he had a whiff of her beautifully long hair. Close enough so that he could feel her warmth, and it wasn't just from the summer heat of Tokyo. She was shorter now, without her heels.

Hana hadn't expected him to stumble forward. She could see the veins of his neck, his Adam's apple shifting. He was uncomfortable and Hana didn't realize she was still holding his hand. She gently let go and looked up at him.

"How busy are you?" Hana changed the topic, but took a moment to find what she was going to say. She was almost afraid that she couldn't grit out the whole sentence without stuttering.
"Hm?" He finally looked down at her, meeting her eyes.
"How often do you work?"
"Weekdays."

She nodded in understanding. "Oh." Her tone was borderline disappointed. She looked away.
"Why?"

Hana shrugged. "I kind of… wanted to run with you again," she explained. "I'm taking a month off for vacation at the villa since no one's there."

"What are you escaping from this time?" Mori asked. He knew her pattern well enough.
"Hm…" Hana took a few seconds to think. "I don't know. I've yet to process what I'm feeling or to put a finger on what I am running away from. I've been too busy... but I just… I need a break."

Mori nodded. She deserved a break.

"Weekends."
"What?" Hana turned to him again.
"I'm free on weekends." He usually visited Sawada-san on Saturdays, but Mori had a feeling that the elder wouldn't mind him missing a weekend. He was always grumbling about how he didn't need someone to check up on him all the time.

She smiled. "You don't have to, especially if you're busy."
"I want to," he insisted. See you again. Run with you again. Be with you again.

Hana nodded. "Alright then. See you… on a weekend then?"
"Hm."

He watched her pick up her shoes from the ground and smiled. "I'm excited. Let's find a new trail to run, yeah?"
Takashi could only nod. Her excitement was contagious. His heart beat faster, his tunnel vision had only her at the end of the light. She gracefully walked away, using only the tips of her feet to walk across the rooftop. She gave one last wave before opening the door and leaving him behind.

There was something relieving about knowing that he would see her again.

May was a beautiful month. Sunshine, warm weather, flowers bloomed. Early August however, brought typhoons. Heavy rain, dark clouds, slippery roads. The sun had risen, but the rain hadn't stopped. It was drizzling outside, the trails muddy and the trees dripping with cold pellets.

Nonetheless, the early birds woke and Hana was dressed and ready to go. She was in the midst of tying her shoes before looking up at the gentle giant who tilted his head. He was in his regular t-shirt, looking apprehensive about the weather.

"It's raining," he pointed out, as if saying that their morning run shouldn't go on. It wasn't going to be a pleasant run, anyone with common sense would point that out.

Hana shook her head. "It's a little rain. Come on, you used to spend Saturday mornings getting beat up. A little rain won't hurt either of us." She grabbed his windbreaker off of the couch and threw it to him.

"Let's go."

Hana immediately stepped outside, braving the cool air and wind. He watched her ponytail sway from side to side. Takashi was still trying to get his shoes on. She was a few metres ahead, jogging through the mud and keeping her head down to avoid the puddles. He quickly caught up to her.

Her pace shifted as soon as she realized his presence was beside him, almost challenging him to keep up with her. The ground seemed to slip beneath their soles with the mud, but that didn't stop her. Hana kept going uphill, sprinting at the fastest speed she could go. He matched her pace with ease. But that wasn't enough.

Hana continued running through the forest, jumping over embedded roots and rocks. She ignored the heavy rain, the cold, the wind. She was in her own world, escaping from reality as quickly as she could. Hana was deep in thought. And Takashi was quick on her trail, refusing to lose sight of her.

The higher they climbed, the faster she seemed to run. Either that, or Takashi's pace was slowing.

Where is she even going?

Hana stopped abruptly, taking shelter through the long branches of a tree. She panted for a few minutes, wiping away the water from her face. She gasped for air, arm pushing against the tree. She felt dizzy. Light headed. She closed her eyes for a bit.

And then she opened to find him staring at her, his eyes filled with fear while his hands gripped her arms.

"Are you okay?" his deep voice resonated through the pelting rain. Hana could only nod feverishly, still trying to catch her breath.

"Y-yeah," she choked out. "I'm just – I need a break."

Hana reached into her bag to take out their water bottles. In an instant, half of the bottle was gulped down. Takashi watched as she returned to normal, he sighed in relief before taking a sip of his own water.

"You shouldn't do that," he scolded.
"Do what?"
"Push yourself."

She looked at him with those eyes that mesmerized him. She took a moment for his words to sink in. Her eyes flickered from fury to peace after thinking.

"But if I don't push myself, who will?"

That's… true. Takashi took another gulp of his water.

"Were you scared?" She quietly asked, stepping closer to him. The action itself caused him to choke on his water, he didn't expect it. Hana wasn't even that close. But it was enough for Mori to lose his cool for just a moment.

"Of what?" He finally answered.

Hana pointed towards the rain that had let up from the torrents earlier. "You didn't want to run." She didn't accuse him of anything. Her tone was neutral, pointing out facts. Hana let the sound of the rain peacefully accompany their comfortable silence.

"It's… not ideal," Mori explained.

The girl looked down to the ground, guiltily.

"Sorry, I was quite selfish to make you come out here. There's just – I don't know. I had this strong urge to dive into… a place outside my comfort zone."

"Why?" He asked. Of course they were both soaked from head to toe, whether it was their sweat or rain, they wouldn't ever know. Their bodies stuck to their clothing, the cold rain pelted against their bodies while they ran. The slippery conditions and the mud had gotten all over their shoes and legs. It was certainly not ideal. Why would anyone want to do this to themselves?

Hana stood in silence, watching the rain drops fall one by one.

"I guess I just want to prove to myself that I can… take risks. I don't have to be scared." She turned to look at him. "Of course, I was cheating. I had you with me, just in case."

I had you with me. Just in case. He found relief in that. That she depended on him in just a small way.

"I'm thinking of… doing something scary. I guess running through the rain without a second thought was... me trying to build up courage."
"What is it?"

Hana leaned against the tree, and Takashi followed her in suit. Their water bottles scattered on the ground, their backpacks against the bark.

"I'm cutting away my safety net. I'm not renewing that modelling contract."
"That's scary?"

The model smiled. "It means I have no source of income. I have no job and if that isn't terrifying… I don't know what is."
"What will you do?"

She looked at him, with those large doe eyes he wanted to get lost in for hours and hours.

"That's the most terrifying part: I have no clue. I just want to be free." Hana let out a deep breath. She was finally at peace with the idea, under the branches of a homey tree, with the rain in the background almost telling her that the world will move on, regardless. Hana had no direction. She had a degree to finish, but after that, it was a blank slate. And she was beside good company. Someone who gave her peace, she didn't know why. But she accepted it. No more analyzing. Just peace, maybe even borderline happiness.

He watched as she waited for his response. She smiled, breathing in sync with the wind. The breeze no longer felt cold. The branches of the tree gave shelter to their small bubble. Just them.

Her words were comforting. He didn't know why.

The idea that she didn't have a clue of where her life was going. The fact that she was so oddly at peace with it was strange, but comforting. Takashi was sure that she anxious about her future. She wasn't the kind of person to ignore reality. But Hana was not afraid, not anymore.

He still was.

Takashi was afraid to be left behind. The way his friends progressed through life as he remained stagnant. He was afraid of the future. Afraid of stepping out of his comfort zone, afraid of going out there to look for whatever purpose in life. It journey of finding purpose seemed so lonely. Without distractions, without anyone else but himself.

What if there was no purpose in life?

And in that moment, all he wanted to do was to come back to reality. He instinctively pulled her arm, her ice cold skin that was cooled by the rain under his touch. Takashi wrapped his arms around her, tucking her head beneath his chin.

He was reminded of warmth, even just for a second. He remembered that he wasn't alone.

And it was her that gave him hope.

That life wasn't so terrifying. That the future ahead wasn't a dark abyss. If she was willing to dive into life blind…

Then so was he.

A/N: Trying to churn out these chapters on a somewhat regular basis. There are parallels in the story, and hopefully you've noticed some growth with Hana - from being afraid of life, to being willing to take on the future however blindly. I feel like that's the scariest part of young adulthood, knowing that you have no clue of what's ahead, but still having the courage to keep at it. Acknowledging that you are lost, but never stopping to continue to find your way. That's how I'm feeling right now, anyway. Your thoughts of course, are always much appreciated. Thanks for reading.