Later that evening, Tara gathered up her books for class and slipped her arms into her coat. Before heading out the door, she peaked into the living room where Dawn was trying to show Olivia how to stack her blocks into a tower instead of just throwing them around the room.
"I'm about to leave, Dawnie. Are you all set?" It was sometimes amazing to Tara that the little girl she and the others had so carefully watched over was now old enough to be trusted alone with a baby. Of course, Tara knew that Buffy never patrolled far from the house when Dawn and Olivia were there, and Dawn had been drilled endlessly on the situations in which she needed to use her new cell phone to immediately call her older sister. One could never be too careful on the Hellmouth.
Dawn turned around, her braid flipping over her shoulder. "Oh yeah, we're good."
Tara knew Dawn no longer need instructions about how to care for Olivia, but she couldn't help but say, "She took a long nap today, so don't worry if she's up past nine." Walking into the room fully she dropped a kiss first onto Dawn's head and then Olivia's. "Love you girls."
Olivia grinned up at Tara. "Ma-ma."
"Yeah, Olivia! That's your Mama!" Dawn exclaimed.
Tara frowned, although she couldn't stop the rush of feeling to her heart at hearing that word directed at her. "I wish you wouldn't encourage that, Dawnie."
Dawn rolled her eyes, but Tara let it go, knowing that she did not have time to have that particular argument and still make it to class on time.
"Dawn, I'll see you when I get home. And you, little girl," Tara paused to tickle Olivia's belly. "I hope I don't see you until morning! You need to go to sleep for Dawn."
"Kay," Dawn replied. "Oh, and Wednesday, I can stop by after school and get her from the Magic Box so Anya isn't distracted during 'prime business hours.'" Dawn used air quotes to emphasize her sarcasm.
"Oh!" Tara had forgotten she had asked Dawn to do that. "Actually, sweetie, Willow is going to take her that day, so you're off the hook."
"What? Are you kidding me?" Dawn's voice was approaching a shriek. "Were you not here for her 'visits'? She has no idea how to take care of her!"
Tara shut her eyes against a painful flash of Willow sitting on the couch, uncomfortably holding her daughter. She knew that Dawn was right regarding the past, but had she not seen the progress Willow had made. The woman who had patiently played with Olivia in the park only hours before was more than capable to care for the baby. And had every right. There was something so wrong about not trusting Willow enough to care for her own daughter.
"Dawn, she'll be fine." Tara tried her best to sound reassuring. "We can talk more about this later, but I really have to get to class."
"Whatever." Dawn sighed dramatically. "But I'll keep my schedule free for when she bails."
Willow knocked on the door of the Summer's house Wednesday morning, flashing back to the first time she had visited Olivia there. She remembered that day vividly.
Buffy cautiously opened the door and gave Willow a suspicious look. "What are you doing here?"
"Tara invited me," she replied simply, in her best don't mess with me voice.
But instead of inviting her in, Buffy stepped out onto the porch and shut the door behind her. "Don't you even think of trying anything in this house, okay? If I see any indication that you are hurting either of them, I will throw you out on your ass and never let you near them again."
Willow had to suppress a smirk. If only Buffy understood dark magicks and the extent of their power. Even Slayer strength would have no hope against the forces Willow could tap. Regardless, she gave Buffy a serious nod. She had not come here for a fight.
Still cautious, Buffy let Willow into the house and led her into the living room. The sight gave her pause and emotions that she had not felt in a long time began to overtake her lust for power. Tara and Olivia were both lying on their stomachs, completely focused on each other, the love and connection between the two immediately obvious. And Willow couldn't believe the change in both of them. The squalling, red-faced newborn was now supporting her head and neck as she curiously regarded the stuffed dog in Tara's hands with bright, inquisitive eyes. Tara's interactions with the infant seemed so comfortable that Willow couldn't believe that two months ago the woman had been panicking about her lack of knowledge about babies.
Buffy didn't let Willow lurk long, and quickly pushed past her into the room, making Tara look up.
"Willow!" Tara exclaimed. "You came!" She pushed herself off the carpet with two hands, rocking onto her knees before picking Olivia up off the floor as well.
"Uh, yeah," Willow responded, any confidence that she might have felt on the porch with Buffy disappearing in the presence of the woman whom she would always love. "But just for a few minutes." She didn't think she could handle more than that.
Tara's face was so open and hopeful. "I'm just happy you're here."
Willow could see the sincerity and it only served to further confirm that she could never be good enough for Tara. No matter how much power she had, Tara would always be disappointed by her.
Startled, Willow suddenly realized that Tara was standing right next to her showing off the baby in her arms.
"…getting so big!" Tara was saying. "And so smart!"
Not knowing what to say, Willow tried to smile as she regarded her daughter. There was no denying the child was gorgeous, with those big blue eyes and the promise of curl in her growing hair.
"Do you want to hold her?" Tara asked.
Willow shrugged, slightly taken aback by the fact that she was being intensely focused on by those two matching sets of eyes. The fact that others didn't see it baffled Willow. To her, Tara's features were unmistakable on that tiny face.
"Willow, you should hold her," Tara encouraged gently.
With a sigh, Willow sat down on the couch and held out her arms. Though she could see Olivia's growth it was something else to actually feel the new weight and the increased control the baby had gained over her body. It was overwhelming and all too much for Willow as she felt the pressure to release her confusion and distress into some sort of spell. Something big. She definitely needed to play with something big.
Passing the baby back to Tara, she mumbled some sort of excuse and nearly ran out the door.
But that was months ago, and Willow hardly recognized that girl who had been so distant from the two people she loved more than anything. How could she have been so stupid, to cut both of them out of her life? She would not make that mistake again.
The door was opened to reveal Tara's grinning face and a warm greeting before Willow found herself ushered into the kitchen where a packed diaper bag lay on the counter and Olivia sat in a high chair snacking on cheerios.
"This should have everything you need," Tara told her. "See - diapers, wipes, sunscreen, extra outfit, blanket, snacks, toys. And here." Tara pulled over an insulated lunch bag. "I made up two bottles for her. We just finished nursing, so just one at lunch and then the other when she wakes up from her nap. But, um, she doesn't really like bottles, so you may have to be patient with it. She usually takes it once she realizes there is no other option."
Willow had to bite back a knowing smile. She wouldn't take a bottle either knowing the alternative. Olivia sure was a smart one.
Tara continued, "And you've seen her eat solids. Just make sure it's nothing too hard and cut it up pretty small. And no peanut butter, fish…"
"…honey, tree nuts, cow's milk, or popcorn," Willow cut in. "I, ah, did some research." She felt her face flush at Tara's approving smile.
"Of course you did," Tara teased kindly. "I know you'll do great, Will. She usually eats around noon and then takes a bottle and naps right after for about 2 hours. I'll be done no later than five, so she should be alright waiting to eat, but if she's fussy just give her a snack."
Willow was still processing everything even as she watched Tara lift Olivia out of the high chair and pepper kisses all over her face.
"Do have any questions, sweetie?" Tara asked Willow. "You have my number, so you can always call."
"Nope, I think I'm good." Willow put on her bravest face.
"Great!" Tara turned her attention to Olivia. "I love you, little girl. I'm going to miss you today."
Olivia stuck her fingers in Tara's mouth and then fell into a fit of giggles when Tara pretended to nibble on them.
Still smiling, Tara told the baby, "Alright, Olivia, you be good. And have fun!"
The instructions were more or less ignored as Olivia was focused on trying to put her fingers back into Tara's mouth. When Tara failed to repeat the little game, Olivia loudly cried, "Mama!" in a manner that left no doubt that the word use was deliberate.
The room was suddenly filled with only the hum of the refrigerator as both Willow and Tara feel silent, awkwardly avoiding eye contact.
After a long moment, Tara spoke in an overly peppy tone. "Ta-ra, Ta-ra," she enunciated to Olivia. "I'm Tara. This is your mama." Tara gestured towards Willow.
The guilt was overwhelming, and before she could stop herself, Willow found that she was saying, "Tara, there's something I have to tell you."