"Mikan-sama, Natsume-sama is here." Michiko announced.
Mikan looked up just as the emperor entered the room. She smiled as her husband sat on the tatami mat in front of her.
"Welcome, Natsume-sama." The empress greeted. "What brings you here so early in the morning?"
"Have you spoken to your clan?" The emperor asked, immediately getting straight to the point.
"Yes, Natsume-sama. My mother came here yesterday." She replied.
"And what did mother say?" Natsume asked.
Mikan smiled softly at her husband. "Have you eaten breakfast, Natsume-sama?"
Natsume blinked at the change of topic, eyes narrowing a bit. "No, I haven't."
The empress let out a laugh that sounded like chimes. "Neither have I. Would you like to eat with me?"
"Whatever you want." He finally answered after a pause.
"Have the kitchen servants prepare another set of food for Natsume-sama." Mikan said softly to an attendant.
When the attendant left, Mikan looked at her husband again. She has always dreamed about this day. A day when her husband will visit her in the morning and eat breakfast with her. When they will talk about their day and share each other's troubles with one another. But no, every pain and suffering she carries, she carries alone. Just like she always has.
"Your Majesties, the food is here." An attendant announced, pulling Mikan from her reverie.
"Ah, yes, bring them in."
After the attendant arranged the foods, the couple started eating in silence.
Natsume looked at his wife, seeing her pale pallor. He then remembered his mother's words to him, that Mikan has always loved him like no one else did. "Mikan," he called, "When you ever feel like everything's too much for you to handle, talk to me."
The empress looked at the man in front of her in surprise.
"I know I wasn't there for you whenever you needed me, but I'll try, alright. You look like you haven't taken a rest in days."
Mikan laughed the same laugh she did earlier, soft chime-like sounds when brushed with the wind.
It was at that moment that the emperor's heart made its very first beat for the beautiful empress.
The rest of the breakfast was spent in silence until Natsume finally left.
"Mikan-sama," Michiko called once the emperor left, "May I know why you look like you are about to cry?"
The empress looked up in surprise before smiling sadly, "I really can't hide anything from you can I?"
"After being with Mikan-sama for eight years, I have learned to understand your mood and I can see even the slightest changes in you." The attendant answered.
Mikan sighed and bit her lip, trying to stop it from trembling, "How can he still not understand my feelings for him? Eight years is still not enough? Did you hear him? 'I know I wasn't there for you whenever you needed me, but I'll try.' It sounds like he's offering me friendship. He shouldn't have to try, he should be here every time I need him." A tear slowly fell from the empress's eyes, making its way down her porcelain cheeks.
"You forgot the 'alright?' Mikan-sama," Michiko replied, making the empress laugh as she wiped the tear off her face. The attendant sighed, "maybe… no, it's nothing."
"'Maybe I should stop hoping' is what you're trying to say, right?"
"I can't hide anything from you as well, Mikan-sama." Michiko stated.
"That's what everyone has been trying to tell me; Hotaru, mother, now even you. Sometimes I think about that too, that is the best way to not get hurt anymore, isn't it? After all, people get hurt because they expect too much, just like I did."
"May I speak freely, Mikan-sama?" At the empress's nod, the attendant continued. "I think you should let go of Natsume-sama. You said friendship is what you think he offers, that's better than you're previous relationship where he doesn't even acknowledge you, right? At least you will still have Ryuu-sama and Sayuri-sama, right?"
"I can't bear to see you like this, Mikan-sama. The day I first met you, you were full of light, so much energy. But as time passed us, that light within you grew dimmer and dimmer, it's like all your problems, pain and hardships are slowly eating you away. All of that started ever since you stepped into the palace, ever since ignorant people who doesn't know how much you do for them, surrounded you."
Mikan let out a choked laugh. "I can't help but notice you just called the emperor 'ignorant'." The empress took a deep breath to steady herself, "Maybe you're right, Michiko, I really should stop hoping right?" Mikan stood and fixed herself, "Come, let's take a stroll in the garden."
"Natsume-sama, your attendant told me that you went to Mikan-sama's palace this morning. May I ask why?" Ruka questioned while they were lounging in the emperor's palace.
The raven haired man who was busy scanning the scrolls submitted by his ministers did not respond. Ruka coughed slightly, finally drawing his friend's attention.
"Did you say something, Ruka?" Natsume asked, already turning back to his reading.
Ruka sighed, "Nothing, Natsume-sama. What are you doing?" The blond man asked instead.
"I'm trying to find something that can help Mikan in collecting support from the clans." The emperor answered simply.
"Ah, for Mikan-sama. It's very rare to see you do something to help her."
Natsume looked up from the book and casually leaned on the back of his seat, staring his childhood friend. "You're right, I just figured she might need someone right now since she's practically doing all the work since my hands are tied in this matter."
Ruka smiled, "I'm glad you're finally staring your role as the empress's husband. I've been trying to make you do that so long ago."
"What are you talking about?" Natsume asked, looking at his best friend weirdly, "I'm just trying to pay her back for her support. Helping her finish it faster should cover it, don't you think so?"
The smile was quickly wiped from the golden haired man's face. Ruka slammed a clenched fist on the table before standing up and heading for the door.
"What's wrong with you?" Natsume asked after waving off a guard who started forward at angry sound.
Ruka turned and glared at the emperor. "Sometimes, I really want to forget that were friends, that I'm married. Natsume-sama, I gave her to you, even though I loved her first. I knew Mikan-sama first, she was my first love. When she got selected as the crown princess, I felt like dying because I knew from that day on, she'd never be mine. When you married her, I begged you, for the sake of our friendship, 'please, please don't hurt her. Please, I'm begging you, take care of her, don't ever let her be alone, Natsume-sama'." Ruka snarled, forgetting that he was talking to his emperor. "I can't believe this. For everything I've done for you, you can't even honor one simple request? All I've ever wanted is that you protect Mikan-sama the way I can't. Sometimes, I wish I can just walk inside the palace, take her with me and leave. Sometimes I really want to forget that you're my brother."
Natsume stared at his best friend, shocked at the man's words. After a few moments he quickly straightened his face, "Ruka-"
"I'll leave for now, Natsume-sama." Ruka cut him off.
Natsume sighed, slumping on his seat. Of course he knew that Ruka loved Mikan, he just didn't know that he still feels the same way. How was he supposed to know that his brother is actually in love with his wife.
In the Nogi household, Hotaru Imai sat quietly on the floor of the storage room. In her hand is a small sketch of a young girl with long curly hair in pigtails and a sunny smile. She found it in a box hidden at the bottom a cabinet she knew was her husband's.
"You still love her don't you, Ruka?" she whispered as a tear fell from her eyes dropping on the sketch of the young empress.