Night falls and I watch the twinkling stars above while I lay on my back in the Wasteland. A few hundred yards from my home, I find a calming silence and comfort in staring up. There billions upon trillions of them up there. They twinkle, and light, and in some way remind me of Jason. At one point in his life, he was a glowing star. When the bombs fell, and the war ultimately ended, he glowed. And he still glows.

He didn't come by like he said he would. When I regained my strength and forced myself to eat, the sun was only half-sunk in the sky. I've been laying here, just thinking and running everything over and through my head since then. I always knew things would turn out this way; I just didn't want to believe it. I thought that maybe by returning home, getting some well-needed rest and recharging my batteries, things might change. I can't tell you where I dreamt up that delusion. I know that whatever Cain and I had together is gone. And truth be told, I think old feelings only resurfaced because I'm scared. Scared of change, and scared to face this world alone. No matter how badly I want to be alone, how badly I want to find my own self and path, it still terrifies me. Change is hard, I have to accept that, and push forward.

Above me, the stars twinkle, and I smile at them. I smile for no other reason than to smile. Because they've been watching me for years now, and I don't think I've just smiled at them. They're nothing but balls of gas, floating along just as we are here on Earth. But on the off chance someone is watching, I smile. It's quiet here, quiet so loud it's deafening. The wind has died, and there's a stillness settling in. During our venture, the silence and stillness would mean danger we couldn't sense was nearing. Danger we had to be alert and aware of. But now here, back home, it just means we can be peaceful. That I can be peaceful. I wonder, though, how long did it take mom to find the peacefulness I'm searching for?

"Hey."

Jason's voice surprises me. I hadn't noticed his glow, he came from behind me. He stands over me, peering down, head and shoulder glowing brightly, and making him a target. He notices me notice it, and takes a cape-like-thing, cloak I believe, to cover it. It's a cloak his followers wear.

"Cain said you'd be over here."

"You two had a civil discussion?"

Jason sits beside me, while I lay and stare up at him.

"Well, no. He doesn't seem to like me much."

"Cain doesn't like anyone."

"He likes you."

Maybe. A long time ago.

"No. He did, but not anymore."

Jason smirks a bit, and gazes up at the stars with me. It's easy to enjoy silence with him. There's no awkwardness, or discomfort. It's just two near-strangers, sitting silently in the Wasteland.

"Will you return?"

He asks, not taking his gaze from the sky.

"From where?"

"Your trip. Cain said you two would be departing in the morning. He seemed to be readying supplies."

"Oh, yeah. It'll be a few days. But I'll come home. I always come home."

"Like a cat."

"What?"

Jason chuckles, resting his weight on his palms like he did before.

"A cat. A pre-war animal. It'd come and go from its masters house as it pleased. It always returned, but if it didn't, you know it had died somehow."

"I like dogs."

I've never truthfully owned one, but I hear good things about them. Jason sighs loudly, a small smile on his face. Despite my conflicting and confusing emotions, I'm enjoying these moments right now.

"I hope you return safely from your travels."

He says to me, lying back beside me. Our heads and bodies are close, and it offers a sense of safety. Being alone, without truly having to be alone, if any sense can be made from that.

"Will you be here, when I get back?"

I ask him, genuinely curious. I assume after the incident earlier, he went back to his followers and helped plan out the events to take place with their settlement, once the land plans and whatnot are delivered.

"Yes. We intend to remain here for as long as possible. While I was with you, my followers ventured into Megaton to explore. They were treated kindly, without bigotry, and were offered food and supplies for help in the future. They were more than willing to agree. Even if I didn't like it here, I would stay, as my people have found peace."

"So, you're happy here?"

"Yes, for now. I only just arrived but, there's nothing bad to complain about."

I wiggle my boots into the dirt, my skin glowing a pale green.

"Earlier, after I killed that Raider, you said I could injure myself. What did you mean by that?"

Jason sighs and looks towards the sky, his head, glowing a bit brighter than the rest.

"I know what you were going to do. Glowing ones like us, we can do such things. But at a price. Each time you do it, you risk having one of your organs shut down, or experience internal bleeding. Sure, emitting the radiation in a way to make a short-rage wave, to heal yourself or startle enemies isn't entirely harmful to you. But a blast powerful enough to kill someone, and you're risking your own life. Each time, your body gets weaker, and weaker. A breakdown, and you can't rebuild as well as before."

Nobody aside from Jason has any knowledge on my condition. It's not exactly popular out here by any means. So it's not like anyone can really warn me about these things. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I think I already knew that the constant use of such a powerful emission could hurt me. I just didn't have any reason to believe it, and chalked it up to paranoia

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks for letting me know, I'll be more careful."

And I mean that. I mean I'll be more careful. Already I remembered to bring out my gun when I left home to lay out here. But somehow, even hearing this news, it doesn't faze me much. It's just another aspect of life that I seemingly am forced to accept, no matter what. There's no changing it, so why worry about it?

"You don't seem to upset."

Shrugging, I shake my head at Jason, keeping my eyes focused on the stars above. Although, between the two of us glowing, the stars seem a bit dimmer.

"It's not anything I can change. Getting upset will only be a waste of time."

Plus, there are a million and one other things on my mind. Leaving tomorrow with Cain will be a huge change, and I don't know how I'm going to be able to handle it. I know I wanted this for forever, I know that I wanted to be alone, and independent. But like I stated before, I'm scared of it all. Because, what else would there be for me to do?

"Hey Jason? What're you going to do now, that your followers and such have found your Far Beyond?"

Jason looks over at me, his filmy eyes and green skin shimmering.

"I guess I'll continue to be a leader. Offer answers to the questions my followers seek, teach them how to adapt in Megaton. Show them that there's still hope for people like us. Ghouls, like us."

Even Jason has alternate plans, despite having completed his own personal mission. It makes me wonder how people can just do such things? How can they preoccupy their lives and minds when the greater picture for them has been resolved? Maybe I'm putting too much pressure on myself. I don't know. The stars twinkle a bit, one shoots across the night sky, and the wind picks up a little, making the still and calm air cooler than usual.

"Do you think Cain will interrupt us this time?"

Jason talks as if we're in the middle of a secret romantic encounter. I chuckle at that thought, and try to see my parents up in the sky. But, I can't make them out.

"Cain has his own things to do."

What those things are, I don't know. But I do know the chances of him coming out here are slim to none. He's too focused on getting to the Ruins, and finding the answers he seeks. Finding a way to live safely without me.

"Does that bother you?"

Jason asks me, and I shrug in response. I think what bothers me more, is that Cain will be fine without me. If he has me in his life or not, it doesn't seem to affect his quality of life. But me, without Cain? I've dreamt and yearned for it for years upon years. Now…I'm not so sure. Finding your own path isn't easy. From what I know about mom, it wasn't easy for her either, but somehow she did it. Somehow she did it, with my father and without. Dad, I'm not so sure about him. His past and details are a blur to me. I know he was a mercenary, brainwashed at one point. The brainwashing very nearly almost took him from my mom many times. But he overcame it. But did dad overcome it because of mom, or for mom? What drove him to go beyond a century or more of a life of servitude?

Dad didn't wake up one day and just 'decide' not to be brainwashed. Mom must have pushed him, prodded him, and forced him to do it. But even if that's the true case…I don't know. I just don't. Even in my own thoughts, I compare myself to them.

"Dizzy?"

Jason calls my name and I glance over. He has a soft, and tender look on his face.

"Yeah?"

"What is it? What's on your mind?"

In a moment of silent comfort, a moment of letting go, I choose to let Jason into my life and thoughts. Maybe this strange, glowing religious leader can offer me advice, and comfort on a level I haven't been shown in a while.

"All my life, I was never able to be just 'Dizzy'. Always I have been compared to my parents. People expected me to be something, I suppose. Live up to imagined expectations. I've always been in their shadow, and rarely, was I ever alone. Cain has been with me my entire life. I don't know what it's like to be alone. But, soon I will. And I'm really scared that when it happens, I won't know what to do."

Jason looks at me with sympathy, and understanding. Even if he doesn't truly 'get it', he sure pretends to well. Well enough for me to grasp his hand in mine, and offer a slight smile, anyways.

"You're never truly alone, Dizzy. I've spent time alone, without friends, without a home. Being alone means having nobody, and nothing. You, no matter what path you choose, will always have a home, and people who care for you. Living in the shadow of your parents isn't good, but, from what I know, people see you as a person on your own. They care for you because you're you, and no other reason."

His voice is louder in the stillness. The echo more prominent, more comforting than earlier. Maybe it's because to me, this feels like an intimate moment. Maybe it's because he's offering such words, and listening. Truly, and openly listening. I've never felt anyone really listened and empathized before.

Sadness washes over me, when I realize that soon I'll have to let go. I'll have to let go of his hand, and this peaceful time. When the sun rises, Cain and I will set off to the Ruins, and we'll be gone for an undetermined amount of time. Squeezing Jason's hand, I look at him, hopeful.

"You're the first person to not scoff at me when I said those things."

"Why would I scoff?"

"I don't know. But thank you."

He squeezes my hand back, and we smile at one another. I think, I might even be blushing.

"I haven't known you more than a day, Dizzy, but I think you're special."

I make myself glow a little brighter.

"I feel the same. I didn't even know I was looking for someone like me, until I found you. A glowing one, without the feral."

"A wanderer."

"Someone to just understand."

With his free hand, Jason reaches over and brushes my cheek. It's warm with radiation, and I close my eyes.

"You know what? That woman you said helped you in New Vegas, did she have wild, orange-brown hair?"

"She did. How did you know that?"

"Because, she was my mom."

Jason sits up, and I sit up alongside him. His face is filled with surprise and eagerness, but he still holds my hand. He even holds it a little bit tighter.

"Your mother? Your mother was-"

"Dezbe. Yeah. Mom spent some time away from my dad. I don't know the details as to why, but she spent about four or five years in New Vegas. When you told me, I couldn't imagine someone as willing and crazy, to help a band of religious ghouls. But yeah, that was my mom."

"Your mother…was a wonderful woman. At least to me."

I nod, knowing all too well her reputation.

"She was."

"I can understand now, why they'd make a statue of her. And why you'd feel lost in her shadow."

Mom, do you have to touch the lives of everyone? Did you have to even taint this moment with Jason? I didn't have to tell him, and maybe I shouldn't have. I want Jason to see me as me. Not as a copy of my mother. As if he can read my thoughts, he pulls my hand close to him in reassurance.

"But your mother, she isn't you. She helped lead me to you. Had my followers and I gotten into those rockets, we would have perished. I only found out later that they were sabotaged. Dizzy all that has happened, has led me to Megaton, and to you."

"So, you don't see me as her? You don't…you don't like me because of her?"

"No. Dizzy I think you're a fascinating woman, your mother being who she was, only adds to me understanding why you are you, if you can follow my train of thought."

In a way I suppose that I can. With Jason holding my hand, and our bodies slowly creeping closer together, I begin to start thinking maybe it's only me that's pressuring myself to live in their shadows.

"You'll be here when I come back, right? I don't know how long this trip will take."

I ask Jason, eager for his answer.

"We have no intention of leaving Megaton anytime soon. But shouldn't it only take a few days?"

It's more complicated than that. But I trust Jason. Nobody outside of the immediate inner circle of my life knows about Cain. Nobody could truly be trusted with it, since it could be used against us. Mom and dad, before they passed, told me everything I loved could always, always be used against me. To never tell the world anything, and even to have secrets from your most trusted friends. But right now, I just can't seem to care.

"Cain…we're going to find a way for Cain and I to be separated safely. The short version is he's a very highly advanced android, but needs me for survival due to a chemical bonding. That's why he's always around. Without me, he'll die. And we want to find a way to break that bond. We want to go our separate ways. The long version is really, really long and complicated."

Jason seems to accept the short version, but it's a while before he speaks. I understand that. It's a large thing to comprehend, and to believe. Such an advanced android as Cain is unheard of, even in this day and age. Yeah, there are androids who bleed and such, but they always have a failsafe. A protocol to protect them, or make them regress into understanding they're androids. Most androids in the world don't even know they're androids, and knowing would utterly destroy them. A self-aware android-human-cyborg-thing who was created to kill is a whole different, complicated world in and of itself.

"I'm starting to feel nothing else you can explain will surprise me."

I smile at him. It is a lot to take in. Ghoul-child of mercenaries and able to produce my own radiation with an awesome cyborg-android counterpart living in the post-apocalyptic world that is the Capital Wasteland. To me this is all normal, everyday life. But I can see how to others, it sounds like a story a bunch of people made up one drunken night at a bar.

Looking above me, I see the shimmer and twinkle of the firebugs. Mom and dad loved the firebugs. As I got older and older, I was allowed to also come out and watch the firebugs with them. Cain forever thought they were lame, and uninteresting. But me? I've always related in some way to them.

"Dizzy?"

"Hm?"

Jason squeezes my hand, and for a minute, my stomach feels like a firebug flew in it. In response, I make myself glow a bit brighter, warming my cooling bones.

"I enjoy this."

"Me too."

We spend the hours talking. We talk of our pasts, our memories, some fears, and things that are silly, and unimportant. Jason and I laugh, sigh, and shake our heads at one another while we lay in the dirt. While the night sky moves, changes, and even the bugs eventually dissipate. We don't let go of each other's hands. Eventually, my head rests in the crook of his arm, and we stare at the sky, muttering, chuckling, connecting. It's been a long while since I've felt this way. Since I've spoken and connected with someone on such an intimate level. I like it. I don't want it to end.

At some point, the night sky begins to lighten. Jason has fallen asleep with my head on him, his rhythmic breathing giving me a soft, new comfort. I don't need a blanket, I'm not cold with the two of us having harnessed the power of radiation. I was hoping that I would see the firebugs again at some point, but they're never out this late, or early, depending on how you look at it.

My eyes grow heavy, but I know in just a few short hours, I'll have to wake and accompany Cain to the Citadel Ruins. I wanted this night to last forever. To stay with Jason, and postpone losing Cain. I've been running away from my emotions on the topic, trying to pretend as if they don't exist. But life doesn't take kindly to that, and instead makes everything feel like it's happening twice as fast.

"Dizzy."

I jump to my feet. Behind me, Cain stands. I see a flash of anger come across his face, before it's replaced by the normal stoic expression he wears. It's there and gone within a second, but it was there. And we both know that I saw it.

"The hell are you doing here?"

I demand, seeing as how I didn't even hear him creep up. At my feet, Jason stirs but doesn't wake.

"That doesn't matter. It's time to go."

"The sun isn't even up."

"It's time."

He tosses me a small pack, and hands me my gun. Rather, my father's gun. For a while, Cain would use it due to its sheer power and kickback. Over time though, I've grown accustomed to it, and kind of made a sentimental connection to it. On my hip, rests my mother's sawed-off. That's more of a sentimental thing, too. Strapping my father's gun to my back, which I've lovingly named 'Big Iron' in both name of the popular New Vegas song, and because of the heaviness of it, I fold my arms in front of my chest.

"We aren't arguing any more, Diz. We're going, and you're coming."

I wasn't about to argue about not going. Instead I was going to argue about the early time we're leaving at.

"Fine. Let me say goodbye to Jason then."

Cain stops me from waking him. He holds my upper arm tightly, and his steel-blue eyes burn into mine.

"We leave. Now."

"What the hell is your problem?"

I tear my arm away from his grip while he walks past me, leading the way, beginning our trek across the Wasteland. Reluctantly, I follow, taking one last glance back at Jason. I'll come back, and then, everything will simply fall into place. It has to.

Catching up to Cain's fast-paced steps, I shove him lightly to express the anger I feel inside over his rude interruption of my night. Plus, I'm also really tired and grumpy from not sleeping.

"Stop acting childish."

He scolds me like a child. I shake my head at him, scoffing.

"You couldn't just wait till the sun was up, could you?"

"I've waited for you long enough so you could prance around with that ghoul. Making me look like a goddamned fool."

"In what way was I making you look like a fool?"

He glares at me. There was a time when his glares would make me feel bad, guilty, for upsetting him. Now it just annoys the piss out of me.

"Everyone still thinks we're together. Do you know how many people asked me why I was letting you go gallivanting around with that new ghoul? It was obnoxious."

"Well gee, I didn't know you cared so much about the citizens' opinions."

"I don't. I was upset about being bothered."

Rolling my eyes I slow my pace down, as does Cain. I didn't sleep, so I feel like taking my sweet time. Despite it being my own fault. Although in the recesses of my mind, I have to wonder how it came to be this way. Bitter, angry, strained. Gob says it's darkest before the sunrise, and that Cain and I should work through our problems, because it'll get better. But I'm pretty sure he's wrong. People should give up on trying advising Cain and I to 'work it out'. Because I pretty much have. I think. I'm tired, and unsure of my proper emotions and feelings.

"You like Jason, don't you?"

Cain asks me, and the question catches me off guard.

"Like as in 'like like' or like as in 'I enjoy his company'?"

"'Like' as in you wouldn't be opposed to starting a romantic relationship with him."

Surprisingly, I'd never thought of it. I quite enjoy how he makes me feel, but I don't think I've associated those feelings with that of a romantic relationship. I just enjoyed them. The comfort, security, having someone be there to listen and understand. Or understand to the best of their knowledge. It's nice, having found someone just like me, who wants to know me just as badly as I want to know them. Maybe I suppose one day I could see myself romantically involved with him. I certainly can't see myself being against it. And I didn't want to leave his side so quickly. But, I'm still sore over Cain. I'm still hurting over he and I, and it would be wrong to get involved with another person while still trying to figure my own emotions out.

"I don't know. Maybe one day. Not right now. Why do you care?"

"You just seemed happy."

It's not what Cain says that tosses me off guard. It's what he doesn't say. He doesn't say he noticed my unhappiness and disdain over the past few years. He doesn't say he realizes he's one of the reasons for it. He doesn't say that he wishes he could fix it, too. Because he doesn't need to say it. By making the observation that I was happy when spending time with Jason, he admits he noticed my sadness. I don't know what to make of it, or how to feel. I just wish I could see my mom, in all honesty.

"Yeah. I guess I was. I liked talking to someone again."

Cain doesn't say anything else, there's no real need to. The sun begins to brighten the night sky, and in sober silence we walk together. It takes my complete self-control to not grab his hand. Just, to hold his hand again. To be with him again. To just exist on the same plane of understanding and reality, just as we once were, would mean the world to me. I'd give it all away, I'd never speak to Jason again, if it meant the two of us could reconnect, and find ourselves together instead of apart. If it meant that I, Dizzy, could find all the completion of my life and solve all my personal mysteries with Cain by my side. Not because I'm so dependent on him, but because for our entire lives, Cain and I have been together. To be apart, would be similar to losing my arm. I'd survive, and survive fine, but nobody wants to lose a limb. I don't think I'm ready to lose Cain. But, life doesn't wait for you to be ready. Life, simply happens.