Just Her Chapter 11: What's the worse?, an avengers fanfic

CHP:11:What's the worse?

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It's human nature to take things apart, probe them under compound microscopes and glue them back together only to see if you can, only to see if will ever be the same. And that's what I found myself doing in the cold empty room, filled with furniture too expensive, mattresses to soft and air to silent, I was picking on the situation, assessing it carefully, hoping that I can glue it up so close and precisely that no one would notice that tiny hole in it. The situation was complicated; Nat was ready to come home but hasn't forgiven me yet. Now what? Go home and try apologizing again, in ways until I could write a book about how not to apologize? Yeah that could work.

Gathering my courage off the fluffy, warm carpet on the hotel, I pace my room thrice, picking up the pieces that I thought I missed. When I had finally assembled the entire valor, I lost, I peeked down the hallways. It was late at night, so all the rooms were securely locked and occupied by the other guests and if this wasn't the Ritz, I would be carrying a gun such to be on the safe side. I closed the door to my room and went for the elevator, I pushed the button and the elevators doors opened instantly. I decided against and the elevator and followed the way leading to the stairs. Climbing up and down, then up and down again, I finally reached in front of Natasha's door. The plan I thought went something like this: I knock, if she opens the door, I fall on my knees apologizing, if she doesn't, I sit in front of the door until she eventually does. I knock in three successive taps and wait for my fate on a silver platter. Nothing happens.

I am sitting here, in front of her door, for god knows how long but by the glares of the room service that has passed by me for the second time, I know it's long enough. I ask him the time and find out I have been freezing my butt for two and a half hours. That's as much as I can take, all this complications have to end. So I wait outside her door until the cleaner had walked out of view and the coast is clear. I pull out the card key; I stole from his cart while asking him the time. I swipe the card across the slit and it's open. The room is heavily scented in Natasha's perfume and scent; the clothes are messily thrown on the bed and her luggage in another part of the room. There was a voice recorder on her side table. It's all her but the room is surprising missing Nat. The missing Natasha is a disturbing fact, she can be in the bar downstairs but it isn't the way she rolls, so I go through her luggage and came up with clothes and nothing but clothes. And then the stealthy silence is broken by a tap.

Tip, tap, tip. I freeze for a second, whipping my head around from side to side, trying to pin-point the source of the sound: the bathroom. I slowly walk towards the bathroom, creaking the door ajar just enough to peek inside the white marbled room. Everything in the room knocked the wind out of me. The tub was filled to the brim, water almost reed and lying still in it was Natasha. Her skin was pale and lips turning an abnormal shade of purple. I just look at her for almost too long to realize that I needed to help her. My feet carry me automatically to the tub and I drop to my knees, taking her out of the cold water. Her nightgown is soaked and her body temperature is dangerously low. I slap her cheeks because at this point my mind is running low on any other rational thoughts. She stirs slightly and shivers a little, eyes unfocused and confused. She locks her eyes on me after what seems like in forever all the while I am just staring at her. How did it ever come to this? I hug her out of impossible relief, close to my body trying to warm her body enough. Her head lies on my chest and her low voice is muffled my my already wet T-shirt.

"Clint, I am really tired. I want to end this all. Why did you save me?" She splutters the words rather than pronounce it. Her eyes are glazed over with tears and another shiver runs down her spine. "Clint." She tries again but is too tired to carry of the sentence any further than that. My name on her lips hits me out of my trance and then all rational thoughts fill my mind. I carefully gather her in my arms and take her back to the bedroom; I scan the area out of habit and lay her on the bed. The blood on her wrist has a sluggish flow to them so I wrap them in one of her T-shirts. Her eyes yet haven't settled on anything but me. I strip her off of her wet clothes and wrap the warm comforter around her; I get in next to her. She freezes, looking into my eyes for something that might convince her that this isn't a dream. She realizes it isn't and closes her eyes, praying that I don't disappear. "I think I can finally sleep, now that I have you around" The words said are quite and almost inaudible, with that her eyes shut close. The color in her skin hasn't returned yet, her temperature isn't any better, her lips yet have the foreign color to them, her body screams help but now she looks peaceful. I guess she feels the same too.

Once I am hundred percent sure that she is asleep, I wrap my arms around her and I can't tell how good that felt. It's like the heaven in my arms. It's something I missed when I was Carmen; it's something about having her. I stretch my legs further on plush bed and the voice recorder falls off the bed. I gently take my arms away from Natasha's body and leave the bed to pick up the device. My mind is curious about the contents about the recorder but I knew I would be invading privacy I had long lost the right to. So it was a complete accident when I bent to pick it up and my finger brushed against the play button. The voice that trailed from the tape was beautiful, mesmerizing and unquestionably Natasha's. The song breaks my heart with every word that she sings but I can't bring myself to stop it.

Honestly what will become of me
don't like reality
It's way too clear to me
But really life is dandy
We are what we don't see
Missed everything day dreaming

Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
Flames to dust
Lovers to friends
Why do all good things come to an end
come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to end?
Come to an end come to an
Why do all good things come to an end?

Traveling I only stop at exits
Wondering if I'll stay
Young and restless
Living this way I stress less
I want to pull away when the dream dies
The pain sets in and I don't cry
I only feel gravity and I wonder why

"Did you like it?" Natasha asked, for a second my heart just stopped but my posture remained indifferent. I turned around, Natasha was lying in the same position, I had left her but this time her green eyes were open and aware.

"I loved it but I don't think this is the end." I said honestly. What good is it any way to lie to a trained liar? She smiled a little, tucking her hair behind her ear, noticing her bandaged wrist. She looks up and smiles again. It doesn't fit the situation, she almost killed herself today, I confessed my mistakes and now she is smiling. It's all wrong.

"But something in me just died and I am not sure if it's ever going to come back."She is sitting on the bed now, reaching her hand out for the recorder. I hand it to her. "You know I really don't know what to make of us? I don't think I can take you back so easily, I mean what happens when you knock up another girl and this time she doesn't cheat you, will you give me up again?" Her words sting, burning and melting my heart but she is right to do this, to hurt me because I deserve this. But I want her to know the truth.

"Nat, I promise, I didn't mean all of this to happen. Please believe me, I was wrong but I truly, deeply and honestly love you." There I told her. I love her, she should know that. "Nat, I don't know what else to say but all that I have said is true and I won't ever change that. But if you want me to go, then I will but not before I make everything all right between us." I start walking towards the door now, knowing that I shouldn't leave her, what if she decides to jump out the window?

"Sing me to sleep." I stop by the door, relieved. I turn around before she repeats herself or worse changes her mind. I walk back to the bed, sitting on the very edge and begin humming her favorite Russian tune. Her face is towards me, eyes set, emotions tucked away enough for me to know that they are there. No more than two stanzas later she drifted off again but I didn't dare stop now. I lay down beside her, about to wrap an arm around her like I had done previously.

"Keep your distance, Barton." She mumbles in her sleep. I do as she said and hum the last verse of the song, my eyes closing as the last word escapes my mouth.

The morning sun is hot and casts its light directly on my eyes. I squint my eyes open to find the curtains drawn and an empty spot on the bed, where Nat was supposed to be. I panic, jumping out of the bed, tangled in the mess of bed sheets and fall face first on the floor. After an Ow, I find her, sleeping on the chair, balancing her head on her hand like she is used to sleeping on the chair. Her bandages are gone and she is dressed in a long worn put shirt. I carefully untangle myself and trudge towards her, shaking her. She wakes up in an instant, prepared and all. Once the whole environment is clear to her, she drops her guard and goes to her luggage, picking it up and stuffing all the clothes that lay strewn around the room. I stand on my spot confused, until I realize that today we are supposed to go back to the tower. Thanking god silently, I tell her to that I will pick her up in another twenty minutes and run out of the room, to pick up Tony's car keys and run to the airport, where I had left the car. I am back to the Ritz in ten minutes and in Nat's room in another two minutes.

She has cleaned up after herself, makeup done just right to hide those bags under her eyes, dress flowing off her bony shoulders in amazing ways and god may I go blind, if she isn't the most beautiful I have laid my eyes on. I carry her suitcase for her and load it into the trunk of the convertible car but walk back to the hotel for breakfast. Once we were shown our table by the window, I had settled for some hot waffles and omelet, while Nat wasn't fairing so well. Her bites off the pancakes seemed forceful and painful and by the time she finishes her first pancake, she is gulping down the urge to puke.

"Nat, how long has it been since you actually had a decent meal?" I jokingly ask with a side order of concern. She mutters something incoherent which causes me to elicit something equally stupid as a Huh, what was that?

"Since January, there happy?"

I choke out the coffee, eyes wild and hurt. "Nat, that was like five months ago. Shit." I was so-so –I don't if it was anger, disappointment or something but it was enough for me to push down a platter of actual food down her throat. I walk over to the buffet suction and back to the table with yogurt in one hand and a fruit platter in another. "Here, start off with the yogurt and finish it or else I swear to push it down your throat." She talks small spoonful of the yogurt and finishes it clean in ten long minutes. She starts to get up but I push her down and hand her fruit platter. She shakes her head, resisting the fruits until I give her one of those hard stares and she actually picks up a kiwi slice. One kiwi, four strawberries and half and apple later when she can't take anymore, we leave.

The roof of the car is down; the wind is hot and dry, fingering through Nat's hair, providing whatever coolness it can. It basically isn't the kind of weather to have the roof down but Nat likes it that way, so it goes that way. Half way through the ride, no words being exchanged, , passing through the empty road she unbuckled her seat belt and stands up on her seat. I look over her and yeas she is crazy but right now she looks like a bird; free, and gliding through the air. Her eyes are closed, hair playing behind her in a blaze and I can't look at her long enough because I have to drive. Stopping for gas was supposed to be just that until she walks in to the store and comes back with beer bottles. She jumps back over the door and in to the car, cat calls going off in the background and she doesn't seem to mind. We hit the road again, beer bottles dumped on the way by me because soon I couldn't make sure if Natasha had too much alcohol in her blood system or too much blood in her alcohol system.

The empty road changes to a suburb and soon to the skyline of New York. She finally sits and straps the seat belt. The tower is close now and I can tell Tony knows exactly how long we will take before we arrive because he has trackers on all his babies. We go around the whole block twice before finally entering the garage.

"Home. I am home." She says to herself in the elevator.

"Welcome back Ms. Romanoff. Everyone is waiting for you on the common floor. Would you like to stop there" JARVIS asks and Natasha smiles, because she missed this, she missed all of this. The elevator door opens with its Bing and Nat hasn't even properly stepped in the floor when she is attacked by all of them in a group hug. Words are jumbled from everyone speaking together and it's all too sweet, too homely and just what Nat needed.

"Spidey, I am so glad your back. Cap and Banner don't know how to cuss me in to working and keeping my limits." Tony cries.

"Natasha, I am so happy to have you back, Tony and Bruce won't help me like you do with the Mac book and Netflix thing." Cap sighed

"Natasha, thank god you are okay, really I was going insane in Tony's company and without your tea." Bruce choked.

"Natasha, thank you for coming back, the guys are driving me crazy" Pepper said, hugging her once again. Maybe Natasha's hug lingered a bit too long, maybe her eyes were closed to stop the tears to cascade down but at this very moment no one noticed and none of it mattered.

The hugging session was done and through with and now we were sitting on the couch, trying to catch up on things we missed without Natasha's presence. The talk was sweet, filled with small laughs and everyone's eyes were her. The changes that were dragging everyone's attention to her was observed by all and voiced by none. Tony held back his witty comments just for the moments as Nat told them what she had been doing while she was away, Bruce had asked the question.

"You know, sight-seeing, a bit of clubbing, maybe skydiving and all those things craved by an adrenaline junky. Cyprus is great; we all should go there for a vacation. Maybe even the Bahamas, if we are lucky to get a vacation of such a long period. God, I enjoyed myself." The last sentence was a bit practiced, unnatural and straight out a lie. Everyone in the room could tell that her lie tale was a mile long but as off now everyone was content to just have her back, maybe they'll question her later about it. The topic at hand soon changed to food, and at the name of it I could clearly hear Bruce's stomach grumbling. The man hardly eats anything, I swear he would if he'd just step out of the lab for long enough.

Dinner was ready, steaming and for the first time in months, things felt in place and complete. Tony sat next to Pepper, Cap next, Nat, Bruce and then me on the circular dining table. Well before it used to be Nat then me but can't have everything I want at once. Indian food is spicy, and the world of flavors on your tongue is too good to take time and distinguish each tang. Tandoori Chicken, Jasmine rice, and cottage Paneer gravy. I looked over at Natasha taking small bites of the chicken; well at least she eats something.

"So Hawk ass, was it the orgasms that bought her back or is she planning some sort of revenge on you?" Tony commented, mouth filled with Chicken, when Pepper kicked him from under the table. When I just glared and Nat smirked, she pressed the matter. "What? It must be something." Yup everything was back to normal, Cap was blushing, Bruce was smiling and Pepper telling Tony to behave and even Nat was there this time.

Later, when everyone had wished each other good night and left for their respective floor, leaving me and Nat alone that she came up to me close and whispered, sending a cold chill down my core. "I would start thinking ways to apologize if I were you, you know before I decide to go away again." That being said she walked back to her room, and shut it.

Well sleep wasn't going to be easy tonight so I might as well plan now. What's the worse that would happen right?

AN: End of chapter 11. Thanks for reading and please review. If you have any suggestions please let me know. Constructive criticism is always welcomed. Thanks once again and please review.