Blood, Sweat, and Tears
Pairings: HP/SS, SB/RL
Rated: NC-17 (For FFnet purposes, strong M)
Category: Romance, H/C, Drama/Angst, First Time (Slightly AU for future, and Sirius' being alive. Completely ignores HBP and DH due to the fact that I'm lazy and started writing this before they came out.)
Summary: Harry Potter finds Severus Snape's emotional side after the Death Eaters discover Sev is a spy. What next? Warning: Detailed rape/Very emotional and traumatized Snape.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
A/N: To the anonymous coward of a reviewer who couldn't leave his/her email when s/he flamed me for Chapter 10: for your information, I was sexually harassed for two years by someone who nearly raped me on more than one occasion and I'm currently in a relationship and have been for the past year and a half, dealing with that shit. So before you presume that I don't know what the hell I'm talking about, do me and the people that are enjoying this story a favor: DON'T FUCKING ASSUME THINGS. Everyone reacts to situations differently, and these "issues" come and go as they please. Now I'm going to get off my soapbox and ask you to kindly not suppose I don't know what I'm talking about. If you don't like the story, don't read it. But don't think that I'm not telling in the best way I can. Thank you.
Chapter 11: Progress?
Days passed without incident now that Severus knew his current comfort zone. Harry and Severus spent days in classes, or talking and avoiding other staff members. Nights were spent holding each other, stealing a kiss every now and then before they drifted off to sleep. Sometimes Severus needed space. It was those nights when Harry did not sleep.
It was one of those nights, after Severus had had yet another nightmare, and Harry sat in front of the fire in Severus's chambers.
Severus's nightmares were becoming fewer and farther between, and he didn't usually mind Harry's being there afterwards.
Tonight was not one of those nights.
Harry lay on Severus's couch, staring into the fire. It wasn't the first time Sev had pushed Harry away, but Harry couldn't make himself just forget it. He knew that by now Sev would be sleeping again and normally he would have gone back in to watch the man as he slept more peacefully, but he knew – how he knew was a question to which he didn't know the answer - that right now his presence would not be welcome. Severus wanted to be alone.
Harry had been there. Harry had tried to comfort Severus, but it didn't work. When Harry reached out to him, Severus flinched. Remembered how Harry had helped him, and asked him to leave.
"But Sev, I just want to –"
"I know," Severus's voice was frustrated, pleading, slightly angry but not at Harry. "Just – I – please, just go; I want to be alone for a little while."
As much as Harry wanted to help him, pushing Severus would only make him angrier. He caressed the man's shoulder lightly, briefly. "All right, Severus. I'll be in the sitting room if you change your mind?"
He nodded once, not looking at the other man. Harry left.
Severus put up silencing charms. And he cried.
He'd thought things were getting better, thought that things would be okay. Now the dreams were of them, and of him. In the dream, Harry betrayed him. In the dream, Harry would hurt him, would break him and wound him. And it was all contradictory. Severus still trusted Harry. He knew deep down that Harry could be trusted, that he would never hurt Severus nor allow anyone else to hurt him if he could help it. But then why was he having nightmares about Harry doing these unspeakable things to him? Harry loved him. Harry was the person who was keeping him sane through all this. He trusted Harry. Harry wouldn't hurt him. Harry loved him.
Harry loved him.
It felt like many hours had passed, but it was probably only one. Severus stood, pulled a light blanket round his body, and walked into the sitting room.
Harry didn't hear the door creak, or the other man's approach.
"I'm sorry."
Harry started, sat up. When he looked behind him, Severus stood there, naked with the exception of a blanket, his eyes red from tears.
"Come here?" Harry inquired gently, holding out a hand.
"Come back to bed." And with that, Severus turned and walked back through the doorway, leaving it open as an invitation for Harry to follow.
He took the invitation, sitting at the foot of the bed until Severus looked at him, eyes inquisitive. 'What are you waiting for?' They asked, 'did my apology not seem sincere?'
Harry crawled toward Severus, taking the other man's hand in his, bringing it to his lips, and kissing its palm.
"I love you, Severus." He whispered, drifting off already.
"I know." And it was Severus's turn for a sleepless night.
A/N: The next chapter shall be up soon. :)