Author's Note: Today's lesson for me was that I should not write while listening to nyan cat for 2 hours straight. Thinking gets a little difficult.

I had this chapter up earlier, but it needed a bit of editing. I tried to make this chapter about self doubt basically, but the message got a bit lost somewhere along the way. So, this is take two. I've edited my attempt out, so it should make more sense now.

Disclaimer: I do not own the Avengers, nor do I wish to. I respect the brilliance that already exists there and give all credit of the characters and original story to the amazing writers who have officially worked on it.

Loki's Point Of View

The light is blinding. I can't see anything but a pure white light. I stare up at the light, not wanting to move. My body aches. I'm worried if I try to get up I won't be able to. But is there really anywhere for me to go anyway? I mean, I'm dead, aren't I? Thanos killed me, didn't he?

I thought it wasn't supposed to hurt after I die though, so why does my chest hurt so bad? My entire body feels like its covered in pins and needles. I see a shadow move just at the edge of my vision. I'm not alone.

Well, something isn't right.

Is it possible that I'm...alive?

My heart sinks. Why? Did Thanos really save my life form his anger just to hurt me again? So much for that escape... But the Chitauri always kept me in the dark unless they were planning to do something bad to me. So what's with this light? I don't feel like I'm being tortured. so... What's going on?

I try to lift my head a little so I can look around. My head feels so heavy I can barely lift it from my... pillow? I have a pillow? And it's not a rock? Okay... Something is definitely weird here.

As my eyes adjust to the harsh light, I manage to pick out a couple figures in the room. Both are standing over me, and as I move, they lean closer to me. But being so used to the dark, I'm having trouble getting used to the light again. I can't tell any more than just a rough outline of the people above me.

"Loki?" A voice reaches me as if form across a great distance. I think it was the figure to my left speaking, but I can't really tell. I try to answer, but my tongue is too heavy to lift. Talking is impossible. I drop my head back again, not able to hold it up anymore. I'm too weak.

"I don't think he can hear you. He's still pretty heavily sedated."

"Could that be why he hasn't been waking up?"

"Possible, but not likely. It's only numbing. It shouldn't be enough to knock him out like that. Besides, I wait as long as I can before giving him each dose. It surprises me the pain doesn't wake him up sometimes."

"So what is this? His eyes are open, and yet he still sleeps?" This voice sounds very tired and worried.

"He's awake, but the anesthetic is keeping him from feeling much. As a side affect, he probably can't move or talk much. I wouldn't be surprised if the kid's even having trouble thinking."

So that's it? I'm drugged? But why? Why would anyone drug me? Isn't the point of torture that it's supposed to hurt? If I can't feel it, thenw hat do they hope to accomplish.

"If we let it wear off more, will he be able to speak?"

"Maybe. But he'll also be feeling pain by then, maybe a lot of it. Although, if he could speak, he'd be able to tell us just how much pain."

"Let's try waiting for a time then."

So they're gonna let the drug wear off? I think that's a good thing... I think... I don't know. I was in a lot of pain before. Will I be again once the medication's gone?

Now they're quiet, I can't move, and I'm kinda bored. Wow... Didn't expect that to make it to my list of problems ever again. I close my eyes, so I don't have to look at the bright light anymore. I hear the figure on my left sigh.Is he upset I closed my eyes? That's kinda weird. But he was the one that sounded really worried, so maybe hes actually concerned for me? As unlikely as it is, maybe, who knows?

I open my eyes and turn my head slightly, so I can look at him. I squint my eyes against the light. I wish I could tell who those people are, especially this one. Who is he, and why does he care about me?

"Loki? Can you hear me?" That voice is very familiar... But they're right... I can't think too good. I can't connect his voice to his face to his name...

I try to answer. But what feels like it should have been a scream is only continued silence. My mouth opens, but no words come out, not even a sound.

"Don't get your hopes up too much. He probably doesn't even recognize you...sorry."

Then the bright light is gone. Now in the dark like I'm still more used to, I can actually see the two men in the room. The one who was on my right is now off tho the side. He must be the one who turned off the light. The other man is...my brother?

Thor! I try to shout at him, but I can't. My voice still makes no sound, and my tongue won't move. Thanos said Thor was dead... He- He lied to me... And I'm the fool who believed him..

Or does this just mean we're both dead? I don't think so... But maybe?

"His heart rate is accelerating. I can't tell if it's from pain or fear, or something else..."

"Leave him a little longer."

"Thor, do you really want to make him suffer any more than he has to?"

"Don't you tell me of his suffering. Do you really think for a second I could forget the pain he's in?! He's my brother, Bruce! And I failed him! I couldn't protect him. This is my fault..."

"Thor, this is Loki's mess. He got himself into trouble in Asgard. Thanos used him to cause trouble here. Your brother's been dealt a bad hand. There's nothing you can do to change that."

"But I should have protected him..."

"No one could have protected him from this. We tried, remember?"

"I-" Thor sighs and falls silent. I've caused too much trouble... They should've let Thanos keep me...

We sit in silence for I don't know how long. I have no way of telling how much time is passing. All I can do is think, and the more I think, the worse I feel. I stare up at the ceiling. I wish I could sleep, but I can't. Between my guilty conscience and the breathtaking pain, there's no chance of me sleeping. Thor still won't let Bruce give me any more medication. They argue from time to time, but it never lasts long. And then we fall into silence again.

"Thor, this has gone on long enough. He's completely unsedated now. He's probably in more pain than you would believe, and he still hasn't said a word. Let him go back to sleep."

Thor lays his hand on my forehead. "Alright." His voice is weak and defeated. My brother runs his hand over my face and makes me close my eyes. He holds my hand in his, and I feel Bruce lift my other arm. He's gonna make me sleep again...

I try to pull my arm away from him. I'm much to weak to succeed, but at least I manage to move enough to get his attention. He pauses, and I don't feel him stick any needles into my arm. "W- Wait." My voice is only a whisper and is really scratchy. It hurts to talk, but I need to say something before they make me sleep again... When I try to say something else, I cough instead, and it feels like my throat is being torn apart. I taste blood. I open my eyes again and look at my brother. "Am I dead yet?"

Thor's face is so surprised, I almost want to laugh, almost. I think my question scared him. But Bruce is laughing. I look at him, and he smiles at me. "Afraid not, kid. I think you'll live to play many a new trick."

"But why? I should be..." I reach up and feel my neck where Thanos tried to strangle me. Without the drug, I can move a lot better, but everything hurts. As soon as I touch my neck, I really wish I hadn't.

Thor pulls my hand away from my throat. "We got you away from there, Loki. You're safe now."

"Am I?"

Thor nods. "I'm so sorry I couldn't protect you. I promised you I would, and I have failed you, brother. I-"

"No." He looks at me as if he's confused. "I told you before not to make a promise you wouldn't be able to keep. I knew something like this would happen. I got into more trouble than I could handle. I know I didn't do all of it 'cause I wanted to, but I still did it. I'm sorry. I deserve to be hurt for the things I've done..."

"Loki..." Before Thor can say anything else, things start getting fuzzy. I can't see well, and I suddenly feel really sleepy. "Bruce, why did you do that?" Thor sounds kinda mad. But if this is Bruce's fault, then he must have given me more medicine. I'm glad. Now Thor can't argue with me. Plus, I'm tired of hurting. I want to go back to sleep.

"That's enough." Bruce is calm like always, and he doesn't seem at all bothered by Thor's annoyance with him. "That's where this should end. Before you start making excuses for him or try to take the blame again. He knows what he's done, willingly or not, and he has to live with it. If you keep denying it, you'll only set it up to happen again."

I can't keep my eyes open any more. My body feels like it's floating in water, and I'm slowly being dragged down. My eyes slide shut, and I am in darkness again. But this time I know I'll wake up again, hopefully when I feel better.

I blame myself for everything that's happened. Maybe if I'd done something differently I could've avoided all of this. I'm sure there has to be something I could've done...

A lot of other people should share the blame with me, but does that matter? I don't know. It's not important now. It's in my past, and I know I can do better with my future. I just have to prove that to everyone else. Maybe this doesn't have to be the end for me after all...