I want to live where soul meets body
And let the sun wrap its arms around me
And bathe my skin in water cool and cleansing
And feel, feel what its like to be new
- Soul Meets Body, Death Cab for Cutie
BPOV
"No. I'm pretty sure he hates me."
"Oh yeah? You think so?" she taunted and in her feral eye I could see the dare. "Ok then, let's go ask him."
Before I had a chance to argue, Alice grabbed my wrist in her inescapable death grip and was dragging me across the perimeter of the landing towards the rail where Edward and Jasper were standing.
"Alice, no, don't, Alice, lemme go," I growled over and over but she completely ignored me. She could be a stubborn pixie when she set her mind to something, and she was strong as hell.
"Hey sexy sugar plum," Jasper slurred in his trademark drawl. With a syrupy smile he scooped Alice up in his arms, lifting her off the floor in a giant bear hug. I wasn't even the one he was hugging and I could feel his love for her radiating off him. He held her and whispered into her hair and rocked her for a full minute before putting her down. I let out a sigh I didn't realize I was holding and that's when my eyes fell upon Edward. He'd been standing behind them sipping his beer and staring off into the dark night air.
"Not gonna say hi Edward?" Alice smiled with hooded eyes.
"Hi Edward," he sneered jokingly, finally turning from his side profile to face us head on. My stomach flipped and the hook tore through me. Jesus Christ he was still so fucking handsome, shorter hair and all, it only served to make his stunning features stand out more prominently. His lips were plump; his cheeks deep pink from drinking and from the whip of the chilly breeze.
"Very funny," she smirked, swinging on Jasper's arm. "I like your haircut. It's cute. A little short, but cute." Edward's hand went self-consciously to the back of his neck where his hair was shaved the shortest. His insecurity was one of the sweetest things about him - particularly because there was no need for it, he was drop dead gorgeous - and my palm tingled with the desire to reach out and feel its softness for myself.
I stepped to the side and cleared my throat. Enough introductions. It was go time.
Out of all the ways to start a conversation with someone you've hurt, the only thing I could come up with under pressure was, "Hi Edward."
"Hi," he said back quickly, taking the mixed drink the cocktail waitress handed him and putting his empty beer bottle on her tray along with a tip.
"H-how are you?"
He shrugged and knocked back the drink in one swig. My heart popped like a balloon and began draining air. It was the most awkward situation imaginable for a girl - to be standing in front of a cute (to put it mildly) boy, trying desperately to get a conversation started. Alice and Jasper had disappeared somewhere. There was no way for me to make a graceful exit. My cheeks heated with embarrassment. I wish I'd never come here. I was about to run.
Then it happened. Edward put his glass down and I thought I saw a shudder ripple through his body. He steadied, gained his composure, and he looked at me, really looked at me for the first time all night with those glorious jade eyes of his. Looked inside me was more like it. And there it was - the light. It flickered through his eyes, first one then the other, until the flicker was a beam, and that's when I knew he was still in there somewhere. My friend, my Edward. Maybe I hadn't lost him after all.
He scratched at the back of his neck again and it made me smile. He was nervous...at least that's what I wanted to think.
"How are you?" he asked, licking the remnants of alcohol from his lips.
"I'm uh...oh y'know," I shrugged weakly, secretly wishing he could read my mind...
I'm miserable. I'm sad when I should be happy. Or should I be sad? Fuck it - All I know is that I'm better when I'm with you.
"Yeah. Me too." His face contorted, his brow creased and it looked like he wanted to say more. I know I did. I had a lot of fucking explaining to do and time was ticking by.
"You, uh, you want to go somewhere? With me?" I yelled over the music that had suddenly grown louder.
He raised his furrowed brow and then glanced behind us at Alice and Jasper doing a line of shots down the bar. He sighed and ran his fingers messily through the top of his hair that was still longish before turning back to me. His eyes flickered and darkened and Godammit my heart was pounding. An eternity was passing between us in an instant. I was growing exponentially older while waiting on his answer which, for me, was currently the most important answer I'd ever waited on. If he told me no, then I was certain I'd lost him. I barely knew him and already he would be gone from my life. Fuck, I didn't want that to happen! The thought squeezed my heart til I thought it would burst. These last two weeks had been beyond shitty. These last few moments here with Edward, in this haze bubble of awkwardness, were better than all of last week put together.
The air between our bodies pulsed with an electric hum. It buzzed in my ears and pulled in my chest. The need to reach out and touch him was consuming me. I was about to make a move for his hand when he finally spoke.
"Where?" he asked simply, pursing his lips and fighting against all that told him to run.
"Anywhere. Somewhere where we can talk?" I realized I had no right to ask him for anything after how I behaved, but I hoped he would give me this one chance. "If you wouldn't mind."
He nodded and motioned for me to lead the way. As I walked past him I caught the flick of his eyes as they roamed down my body and inner-Bella's ego did a tiny somersault.
We walked outside on the deck where there weren't as many people – just the occasional seagull and drunken couple strolling by hand in hand.
"Is this okay?" I asked, stopping at the top of the stairs. Edward's hands were in his pockets. He looked cold. The breeze had picked up off the water. Luckily I remembered to bring a sweater. "We can go back inside if you want," I offered reluctantly, chewing on my bottom lip. Please say no.
"It's too loud in there." He sat on the top step and scooted over to make room for me. The steps were narrow, shielding us from the wind and insulating us in our own private pocket of air. We were sitting so close I could smell him, the thick fresh minty scent of him mixed with the tinge of his sweat. Pure Edward. It was delicious.
Neither of us spoke. We sat on the step and listened to the thumpa thump thump of the dance music coming from inside. I fidgeted and my knee bumped against his leg. The skirt I was wearing barely covered my thighs. My legs looked damn good. I hoped he noticed.
Edward shifted a fraction of an inch closer to me in an attempt to further block the breeze with his body.
"I thought you wanted to talk," he said finally, looking out at the water in the distance.
And with that I blurted out the first thing that came to mind in a desperate muddled sentence. "Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"
"What? Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?" he snapped back immediately. I should have known he'd go right for the kill. "I thought we were friends, Bella."
The way he said my name on a whisper broke my heart.
"We are."
"You're sure about that?"
"Of course I am, Edward. You're really important to me."
"Oh I am, am I?" he was getting mad again. His nostrils were flaring. it was obvious I hit a sore spot. "Then why didn't you tell me? After all the talks we've had, all the times we've hung out. This whole time you were..." He looked like he'd been stung by his own words, but he continued. "I thought you had a great time in Seattle, I know I did and-"
"I did have a great time!" I talked over him. "Edward...look at me...Seattle was...god it was the best trip of my life! I mean it. I've never done anything like that before and I'll never forget it. It was so perfect...everything about it was perfection...you were..." I stopped myself before I said too much. "I didn't want anything to spoil it."
"Spoil it?"
"I didn't want to freak you out -" I corrected.
"Freak me out?" Confusion covered his face. He was really trying to understand where I was coming from. I found it exhausting, so I spelled it out.
"Yeah, Edward. Freak you out. As in...Hey I'm having a great time with you as usual, oh and by the way guess what, I'm pregnant," I snarled sarcastically and rolled my eyes. "What guy wants to deal with that shit? It would send you running for the hills and...I couldn't handle it if that happened," I added sadly, picking at my nails.
The exchange happened so quickly and was over before I could register the emotions flying between us. It got quiet again and I couldn't bring myself to look to my left where Edward sat. Instead I stared up at the full moon hanging heavy in the night sky.
"You underestimate me, Bella," came his elegant voice, low and thick and dripping with meaning. A sob built in my throat and I tried to swallow it away.
"You're right. I did underestimate you. I know I did." Aaaand here come the tears. "Edward...please. I'm so so sorry, Edward," I choked out. I hadn't practiced what I would say to him if this moment ever came. There were things I knew I needed to say. I needed to apologize, but that seemed too easy. I would apologize to anyone for making a mistake, but Edward was not anyone anymore. That's what I had learned while he was gone. He was more than that to me. He'd become...important.
Going for broke I swiveled towards him until my knees were pressed against his thighs and I put my hands on his forearm, gripping onto him. Pleading desperately with my eyes, I spoke directly into the perfect face peering back at me.
"I'm not doing any of this right. If I was, it would never have happened this way. If I knew it would end up like this...that you'd find out the way you did...that I wouldn't be the one to tell you..." I winced at the memory of the way Edward found out. "If I could have a do-over, I'd do it all fucking over. Shit, I only just told Charlie last week and my mother a few days ago. She's going to come up here, I just know it. She's going to tell everyone in Phoenix...what's left of Jake's family and everyone else I couldn't bring myself to call." I shook my head, ashamed. "It's so embarrassing. ...No one teaches you how to deal with this shit, y'know? No one says, here's what to do when your husband dies and you find out you're pregnant." I laughed and wiped my fingers under my eyes. They came back black from the mascara and I laughed harder. "...God I'm a mess."
Closing my eyes, I let my chin drop to my chest in defeat. I was at his mercy now. He could get up and leave and I'd be powerless to stop him. I was exposed. He knew it all and he could take me or leave me and there'd be nothing I could say or do to stop him, or blame him.
"You're not," Edward murmured, taking my damp hand in his warm one. "You're not a mess at all," he said. With his index finger he lifted my chin up. His breath fanned across my face – a delicious mixture of beer and cigarettes – and I opened my teary eyes. "You're wonderful," he said a little louder this time. "I'm sorry for not calling. I'm sorry for disappearing and getting all stupid."
"You wouldn't answer your phone," I croaked as his finger traced up my cheek. "Didn't you get my messages?"
"I did. I got every one, and I'd listen to them over and over throughout the day, just to hear your voice. ...I probably shouldn't have told you that."
"You did?" I sighed like a lovestruck school-girl at the thought of Edward walking around Boston with his phone to his ear, listening to me talk. "Why didn't you call me back?"
He braced his elbows on his knees and his leg bounced with nervous energy. "I just needed some time to think. My mind was going in a million different directions. If I called you back - I don't know what I would have said. I didn't know how I felt about what I heard."
"Oh. ...And how do you feel about it?"
"Now? I'm excited for you."
"Excited?"
He smiled sincerely and traced the pad of his thumb under my bottom lashes. "At first I was hurt, then mad, disappointed, sad that you hadn't told me - but then the more I thought about it I realized...it wasn't about me." He put his arm around me and I melted into his embrace. "Bella, you're going to have a baby. It's got nothing to do with me and my foolish pride. It's about you."
I was crying again. Could I do anything else but fucking cry? He was being too sweet, too understanding. He should be yelling at me, telling me I'm worthless and that he's done with me. That would be easier to deal with than this amazingness.
"I can't do it alone Edward. I'm really fucking scared. Talking about it makes me even more scared. It makes it more real and...shit." I tried to pull away so I wouldn't get Edward's shirt wet with my tears but when I tried he wouldn't let me go.
"I don't know if I can do this, Edward."
"Oh course you can do this." He held me tighter and rocked me against his solid body. "Of course you can Bella baby. And you're not alone."
"No?" I whimpered.
"No," he answered instantly.
"So...I haven't lost you?"
"Lost me?" he smoothed my hair back with the palm of his hand and breathed through his nostrils against my temple. "What do you mean?"
"You'll give me another chance to be your friend? I'll make it up to you. Please, Edward. I can't lose you."
"You're not going to lose me," he said, and I slid my arms around his waist. "I was just being an egotistical guy. Just promise me, no more secrets, ok?"
"I promise."
"Good. ...Everything's going to be alright, Bella. I'm here." He hummed a familiar melody and we stayed that way, with me practically sitting in his lap, for I don't know how long.
"There you two are. ...Jesus, disappear why don't you," came Alice's irked voice behind us. "Jazzy they're over here on the steps."
Edward moved to stand up with me still clinging to him.
"I take it you two made up," Alice assessed, a grin forming at the corners of her mouth. Jasper strode up behind her and pulled her into his chest.
"Hate to break up the party, but we're gonna call it a night. I have to prep at the restaurant tomorrow morning for a huge party. You ready to head home, bro?" Jasper asked Edward.
"Sure one sec." Edward turned his back to his brother and took both of my hands in his, tracing the outline of my knuckles with his thumbs. "You ok?"
I nodded. "I'm much better now," I said softly.
"Good," he smiled in relief. "Me too. I'm glad I listened to Jasper and came here tonight."
"So am I." My hands squirmed inside his with nervous energy and he held onto them tighter.
There was something else I wanted ask him and I wasn't going to let him go until I did.
"Maybe we can, I dunno, hang out sometime?"
"When?" he asked brightly and I let out a short laugh of happiness.
"Whenever you want. You know where to find me."
His smile widened until it reached his dimples and if we were in a different time and place with different circumstances and no one watching, I would have pulled those lips down to meet mine and I would have explored them, I would have tasted them and learned them and savored everything they had to offer.
"Ok," he answered, brushing a stray hair out of my mouth. "I'd like that."
"What was that all about?" Alice asked as we pulled out of the parking lot and headed back to Forks. It wasn't yet midnight which meant we'd be home around 2am.
"What was what all about?" I answered dismissively.
"You know what I mean. All that with Edward just now. He seemed so...intense. The way he was looking at you."
"Really?" I faced the window to hide my small smile.
"Yeah. It was like...possessive or...I dunno, animalistic or something. Like he was about to throw you over his shoulder."
"Like King Kong?" I laughed. "I must have been too busy apologizing to notice," I lied. Of course I noticed the way Edward looked at me. How could I not? I couldn't peel my eyes off him when he was around.
"So he forgave you?"
"Forgave me? I didn't kill anyone, Al. I just...I hid from him...and...I hurt him. More than he's letting on."
"Wow. He's fucking in love with you," she snorted.
"Ugh would you cut that shit out please? You'd be the same way if I hid something like this from you for this long."
"Except he's a guy and he likes you and he wants it to be his baby." She couldn't even finish her sentence before she started laughing. "You know it's true!"
"Keep it up, Alice. You think you're sooo funny." I rolled my eyes and rested my head against the headrest. "Are you done having a laugh at my expense?"
"Oh come on, honey, I'm just playing with you. I think it's sweet."
"There's nothing to think about. We're just friends. We haven't kissed or touched or done anything remotely non-friend-like."
Other than sleep wrapped in each others arms and pleasure ourselves to thoughts of each other with nothing but a door separating us.
"Yet," she sang.
"I don't know why you keep pushing this."
"I want you to be happy, that's all."
"I don't deserve to be happy," I said without thinking.
"That's bullshit and you know it!" she hissed and I cringed. Alice didn't usually snap but when she did you knew she meant business. "None of this is your fault. What happened to Jake wasn't your fault. Don't start that shit, Bella. You didn't do anything wrong."
"I should have told him to stay home," I replied in a steely monotone voice. "I didn't need him to go out that day, but he did anyway. If I'd just-"
"Hey! I told you to STOP." She slapped her palm on the steering wheel for effect. "You can't change it, Bella. There's no point in beating yourself up. You still have your life, and yeah, I liked Jake and his shouldn't have ended early and it's not fair, it never is, but you need to make the most of your life now. You need to enjoy it and fill it with things that are good and that make you happy. It would be an insult to Jake if you didn't." That was the last that was said on the subject and we spent the rest of the drive home singing along to the radio.
Alice peeled out of my driveway with a honk and a wave after making sure I got inside the house safe and sound.
I kicked off my kitten heels by the door and locked up before heading upstairs. After changing into a tank top and Edward's sweatpants – that I obviously had no intention of ever giving back to him – I washed my face brushed my teeth and crawled into bed in record time. I didn't have to work at Newton's til noon so I ignored the alarm clock and shut the light.
The moonlight shone brightly through the slightly open bedroom window. The breeze billowed the curtains in gauzy breaths. I was having the dream again - the one with the little boy running through the field and the little girl chasing him in her pretty eyelet dress. Only this time, when they were gathered in the man's strong arms laughing and squealing, I could hear them louder this time...I could hear them calling him daddy.
Ping.
Ping.
Bella! came a loud whisper.
Ping.
Ping.
BELLA. Louder this time.
Pushing the comforter down, I sat up on my elbows and attempted to deduce whether or not I was dreaming and whether or not I should be terrified. I was alone in the house. It was - I looked at the clock on the bedside table - 3:27am. Charlie had guns under lock and key somewhere in the house but I'm sure I didn't know how to operate one if I tried and would probably end up shooting myself instead of the intruder.
BELLA? Are you up there? It wasn't a whisper this time and it awoke the hook in my chest. It surged and pulled me towards the direction of the window. I pushed back the curtains, opened the window all the way and leaned out into the night air. My hair fell over my shoulders and my nipples hardened in response to the chill...and to the sight of Edward standing in the driveway below.
"Edward? What are you doing here?"
"You said whenever I want," he grinned mischievously. He was still wearing the same clothes from the bar and a dark jean jacket with the collar upturned.
I shook my head in awe of Edward Cullen. "I'll be down in a minute."
I rushed to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, wiped the sleep out of my eyes, and hurried downstairs. Flinging the door open, Edward stood in front of me with his hands in his pockets.
"Hi," he said, his lips twitching infinitesimally.
"Hi," I answered breathlessly and wishing I had put a bra on. "Why do you keep doing that?"
"Doing what?"
"Coming to my window and chucking pebbles at it."
"To get your attention," he said as though I should already know that. "Did I wake you up?"
"Y'think?" I joked. "It's three-thirty in the morning."
"I wanted to see you again," he shrugged apologetically.
"Edward, you just saw me," I giggled. "We could have hung out tomorrow if you wanted."
"I couldn't wait. I couldn't sleep. So I got up, put my clothes back on and got in the car. I didn't think too much further into it...I just...I was really glad to see you tonight, Bella."
He was?
"You were? You didn't seem it...at first..."
"I was in shock. You took my breath away." His eyes widened as he realized what he said and quickly continued. "I wasn't expecting you. Jasper didn't tell me you were going to be there."
"Would you have gone if you knew?"
"I didn't have much of a choice. Jazz picked me up from the airport and told me we were going to Port Angeles for a few drinks."
"You flew in from Boston tonight? Jesus Edward you must be exhausted!"
"Nah, I'm good," he smiled again. He reeeeally needs to stop doing that.
We went into the kitchen and I put the kettle on. He pulled out a chair and sat down. I set a mug in front of him and dropped a teabag in it. Orange Spice - the one he chose the last time he came to my house unannounced and we sat in this very formation.
"So what were you doing in Boston?" I asked nonchalantly even though the question was killing me.
"Touring Beth Israel, where I'll be doing my residency. And I looked at a few apartments. Things like that. I have to go back again before the end of the summer to sign the lease and meet with my advisor."
"Did you see Tanya while you were there?"
"Bellaaa," he groaned. "Why do you want to know that?"
"I just do."
"...Yes. I saw her."
"You'll be living with her."
"She's not a resident. She still has a year left of classes."
"You're avoiding the question."
He sighed again. "She wants us to live together, yes. Ok? Can we talk about something else please?"
"Like what?"
"You looked beautiful tonight." I froze, not expecting that to be the something else. "Rosalie's clothes are made for you."
"How did you know they were Rosalie's?" I blushed. He was checking me out tonight. I knew it. Cue inner-happy dance.
"I told you, Rosalie always asks for my opinion when she's creating new pieces. She sent me a bunch of her sketches while I was in Boston...I picked the ones I liked best...and those are the ones you were wearing. ...I think she wants you to be her personal muse."
"Yeah well she'll change her mind quick when I start getting too gigantic to fit in anything but a potato sack." I chuckled at my little joke but Edward didn't say anything. He didn't laugh, he didn't move to argue with me, no 'Psshaw nonsense Bella, you could never look anything but gorgeous and fit'. I stood facing the stove, embarrassed. The kettle shrieked and I moved it to another burner and shut the flame. The hook jumped to life in my chest and pulled me around to face him, but he was already there. He was standing right behind me - I didn't even hear him get up from the table, but the hook knew. My nose was an inch away from his chest, which was slowly rising and falling as he breathed. At this angle it was apparent how much taller he was than me. If I took a step forward I'd be in his arms.
"Why do you say things like that?" he asked seriously, his eyes boring into my soul. His voice was deep and gravely and he expected an answer.
"I-I don't know," I stuttered. I was completely taken aback by his proximity, his smell assaulted my senses and I was glad I wasn't holding anything because it would have crashed to the floor long ago.
"It's unnecessary." He wasn't touching me but it felt like his hands were all over me with the way my body was reacting. I was burning up and not because I was standing in front of the stove. I crossed my arms at my chest to hide my nipples that were about to poke through my ribbed tank top.
"You don't have to prepare me, Bella, or anyone else for the changes that are going to happen. We'll be ready."
My heart skipped at the sweetness of his sentiment. "...Maybe it's me who won't be ready. I didn't plan any of this, Edward. This isn't how I expected my life to turn out." Without warning my knees began to tremble and my hands were suddenly damp with sweat. Like a flash the blood drained from my face and I felt cold all over.
"Bella?" came Edward's voice from far away. The image in front of me, his strong chest as he backed up to reveal the sheer concern on his face, started to blur and twist. "Bella? You're shaking." His voice echoed loudly in my ears and I winced. Bile rose in my throat and I choked it back. Sweat poured down the sides of my face. My knees started to bend and my weight threatened to topple me to the floor. In an instant and all at once I was gathered in his arms and picked up and the rooms changed as Edward carried me up the stairs. I laced my arms around his neck and laid my head on his chest. His heart was speeding along with mine.
"I'm so cold," I whimpered as he pulled back the covers and placed me in the center of my bed. He gingerly arranged the pillows under my head and put two pillows under my feet. He covered me up under layers and layers of blankets. I heard him leave the room and rummage around in the hall closet, coming back with more blankets. He left again and this time I heard the water running in the bathroom. Soon he returned with a moist hand-towel and folded it over my forehead. It all happened so fast and in complete silence save for the rustling of the blankets and Edward's steady footsteps. He was so exact and in control. I guess I should have expected that from a doctor.
My shivers began to subside and the world came back into focus. Edward exhaled as he watched the color return to my cheeks and he sat down on the edge of the bed. He took my hand and placed it in his. I rubbed my thumb over his knuckles - then I realized he was taking my pulse, his fingers pressed against the underside of my wrist.
"When's the last time you've eaten, Bella?" His tone was curt and direct - the same as Carlisle's.
"I ate today," I eked out. "I had...some toast with jelly and a bowl of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and..."
"Uh huh. ...Breakfast." And with that he got up and walked out of the room. I didn't have the strength or the energy to get up and follow him. Shortly after he left, sounds floated up from the kitchen. The opening and closing of cabinets and the door of the fridge. The sharpness of slicing and the whir of the blender. What could have been minutes or an hour passed and then once again the sounds of footsteps growing closer until Edward reappeared with a glass in his hand.
"What's this?" I asked, as he turned on the light by the bed and sat down next to me. I propped myself up against the headboard and took the drink he handed me.
"A protein shake of sorts, made from the most random things I found in your refrigerator. Half a banana, two apples, milk, orange juice, an entire container of strawberries. Try it."
I held it to my nose. It didn't smell bad but it was this weird orangey neon pink color. I raised my eyebrows at Edward who looked at me with an unyielding stare.
"Oh alright," I consented and put the glass to my lips. I took a sip. And then another. The frothy concoction slid down my throat and instantly it felt like I'd been given a B-12 shot. "Wow, Edward, this is actually really good. Wanna try?"
"No. It's for you. Drink the whole thing. You need to start watching what you eat and eating regularly, Bella. It's important. We're gonna have to take you food shopping as well, because what you feed Charlie and what you should be eating as an expectant mother are far from the same things." He was being stern with me but behind it was an aura of protection and concern. He cared about me. He wanted me to be well.
"Thank you, Edward. For making this and...for everything." He smiled weakly and nodded. We were quiet for a few moments and I got this knot in my stomach in anticipation of the moment that he was going to get up and leave.
"Edward?" I said, my voice filling the silent void in the room.
"Yes?" he replied, his eyes still trained on the wall above my desk where a Periodic Table of the Elements hung.
"Did you mean what you said to me at the bar tonight?"
"About?"
"About giving me another chance to be your friend?"
"Oh that." A sly grin spread across his face. "Would it make you happy if I said you have another chance?"
"Yes."
"Alright. You have another chance."
"That makes me happy."
"But can I try something first?"
"Is that a condition?"
"Hmm. ...Yes."
"Ok fine," I rolled my eyes. He moved on the bed so that he was facing me and took off his jacket, tossing it onto the desk chair.
"Are you going to tell me what it is you want to try or do I have to guess? ...Is it my cooking? I make a mean meatloaf, ask Charlie. ...Oh no, you want to try my underwear on, don't you? I should have known you were into kinky shit."
He threw his head back and laughed heartily at the ceiling. It was a gorgeous sight. "No, nothing like that." he paused. "I want to kiss you." He waited for me to slap him and when I didn't, he continued. "Friends kiss each other now and then, don't they?"
"Uhh...do they? ...I guess so. Not, like, porno kisses or anything, but, yeah, I guess they kiss."
"Hm ok no porno kissing. Just a regular kiss then."
"An experiment."
"Yeeeah," he smiled, liking the sound of that. "Think of it as research."
Without giving me a chance to back out, he leaned in and that's when I knew it was going to happen. I closed my eyes and didn't move. The sound of the mattress creaking underneath him was the only indicator of how close he was getting. I held my breath and waited. He was moving towards me painfully slow, and then I felt his breath waft over my face. Strawberries.
"Are you ready?" he whispered and my skin broke out in chills. The hook was in my throat. I nodded yes even though I was sure I'd never be ready for Edward Cullen. His palm pressed into the mattress next to my hip and he braced his weight on his left arm.
And then the jolt of electricity ignited between us as I felt his lips press against mine; hesitantly at first as if I might burn him, and then rougher and with more confidence. And dear god it was heavenly. His lips were soft and moist and I was so busy feeling them that I forgot to kiss him back. I parted my lips and caught his bottom lip between mine. I pulled it in my mouth and ran my tongue across the rounded plump flesh. I sucked it gently and he let out a low groan. One more suck and I let it go. I parted my lips again and my tongue found its way into the warmth of Edward's mouth. The velvet sensation of our tongues brushing and lapping spurned us on and the floodgates opened. Our lips crashed together again and again and Edward's hand was at the back of my neck, pulling me closer, and my arms wound around his waist pulling him closer, my breasts smashed against his chest, our hearts pounded inside their cages desperate to be let out. Our breathing was ragged and sharp; hissing in through our nostrils and panting out through our mouths. My fingers found their way into Edward's hair, clawing up the nape of his neck through the short bristles until they reached the longer pieces that could be grabbed and pulled. I learned that when I pulled Edward's hair he let out a feral groan, and he learned that when he tongue-kissed me and sucked my bottom lip I let out a porno moan.
"Is this ok?" he growled, his tongue in my teeth and my hands raking through his hair. I'd found my way into his lap and we were now in the middle of my bed in a tangle of blankets and body parts.
"Uh huh," I managed to get out as I pushed and rocked in his lap. His fingers dug into my hips as he held me in place and that's when I felt the hardness between his legs. I giggled into his mouth and he pulled back slightly.
"What's funny?"
"This," I said, pressing my hand against the tightness in his jeans. He hissed.
"Bella, don't touch that."
"Why not?"
"Because you're making it worse. And by worse I mean, better. It feels too good when you do that."
I blushed and hid my face in the pulse of his neck. "Sorry."
"Don't ever be sorry, Bella. Hey, don't hide. Let me see your beautiful face."
My "beautiful face" was beet-red but so was Edward's. His lips looked liked they'd been stung by bees and his breath was still ragged. He slid his hand to the base of neck and pulled me in for one more chaste kiss. He pulled away slowly, a thin trail of saliva still connecting our lips together.
"That was...really nice...to put it mildly," he said, licking his bottom lip.
I was speechless. My lips were still slightly parted in shock. That was, without a doubt, the most erotic make-out session I'd ever had. It was everything I thought it would be when I thought about what it would be like to kiss Edward Cullen.
"Is that how you kiss your friends?" I asked in an attempt to diffuse the sexual tension and the fact that I was soaking right through Edward's Harvard Medical School sweatpants. I was still sitting in his lap, half-on half-straddling his thigh.
He laughed and brushed my hair out of my face, fanning it out across my back and tucking the strands behind my ears. "It is now."
We pried ourselves apart and I returned to my laid-back position. Edward fixed the covers around me and brought my empty glass to the sink downstairs. He returned to my room and grabbed his jacket off the chair.
"Don't go," I blurted out. Edward turned to me, a hopeful look on his face. He put his jacket back down. The clock on my nightstand shone 4:27am. "Um, I was going to ask you if you wouldn't mind staying here tonight. Charlie's going to be away for a few days. Fishing trip, I think. Or camping. Or bear-hunting, who the hell knows, and I..." I blushed, pulling the covers up higher. "The house makes these noises I'm not used to and- it's no big deal if you can't, but-"
Edward crossed the room and stood at the edge of the bed.
"Sure, Bella. I'll stay." He took a blanket from the bed and walked towards the door. "Just holler if you need me. Or text," he smiled. "I'll be on the couch."
"Or you could stay here," I interrupted. "I mean, we've shared a bed before. It's way more comfortable than the couch, and you're doing me a favor so it's only right."
"Umm, ok, sure..." he put the blanket back on the bed. "I'll just need to go to the bathroom and...use your toothbrush."
"By 'use my toothbrush' do you mean 'lose your erection'?" I waggled my eyebrows at him, knowingly referring to the incident in Seattle.
"Very perceptive, beautiful. You know damn well I can't sleep next to you like this." he waved his hand over the crotch of his jeans, which still had a giant tent in it.
I snuggled down into the comfort of my bed while Edward was in the bathroom taking care of business. When he returned it was obvious that he'd splashed water on his face and through his hair. I pretended not to look while he pulled off his shirt and stripped down to his underwear in one fluid motion and got into bed. My bed was considerably smaller than the king-sized one we shared in Seattle but Edward was a perfect gentleman and stayed on his side.
"How'd everything, erm, come out?" I asked and then busted out laughing. "I'm sorry, Edward, I couldn't help myself."
"Your jokes keep get better and better," he sighed, rolling his eyes. He tucked his arm under his head and pulled the sheet up to his waist, leaving his entire bare chest exposed.
"Bella?"
"Hm?"
"I really liked kissing you. I just wanted you to know that."
"I really liked kissing you, too."
"So you're ok with it? I wasn't, uh, I didn't think it would get that intense. I was really just planning on giving you a peck."
"I believe you," I blushed. "I was a little taken off guard but I can't lie, I've been dying to know what it's like to kiss you. so...yes, I'm ok with it."
He turned on his side and stuffed a pillow under his arm.
"How'd the sonogram go? I'd planned on asking my dad when I got home, but since I'm here with you..." he trailed off and I nodded. I knew what he meant. I was glad he was here too.
"Doctor Travers said everything looks good. They gave me a picture of the baby. You wanna see it?" I asked excitedly and Edward's face lit up.
"I'd love to see it, Bella."
We laid in bed and I showed Edward the grainy photo of my unborn child. He pointed out where all the parts were, the blurry bits that were actual arms and legs. I laid on my back and he lifted up my shirt the tiniest bit and traced the outline of the baby inside me as he explained where everything was and what was going to happen, how my belly would grow, how my body would change but how it would be the best thing that would ever happen to me. And when I cried he held me, and when I laughed he held me too, and I swore when I laughed and cried he laughed and cried with me, and when we finally fell asleep at dawn we fell asleep again in each others arms, only this time we knew how we got that way, with the black and white photo nestled safely between us.
Still alot more to go. This story takes you through Bella's entire pregnancy and the ups and downs that go along with it as well as the ups and downs that go along with her relationship with Edward. She's still confused and guilt-ridden about her feelings for him so things are not going to be easy. Again I'm not going crazy with medical specifics - that is just waaay too boring and time consuming, but I promise I won't make things up if they aren't actual conditions that exist.
Please review and let me know your thoughts.