Author's Notes:
Disclaimer : I own copies of the Twilight Saga Books, sadly though, not their copy rights :'(

[1] Beverley Mitchell: playing the part of Lucy Camden in the "7th Heaven" TV series.
[4] Eric Carmen:"All by Myself".

BlueNote:
Disclaimer: Twilight, Edward, Bella: HERS exclusively. This particular story : Kaori's. The English word: all mine. Obnoxious lines: yeah, that would also be me.

[2] Blue paying homage to quothme, author of the heart-wrenching Awake in the Infinite Cold (here at FFn)
[3] E.A Poe: "The Raven": 'Darkness there and nothing more.'
[5] Elton John, "Don't Let the Sun Go Down on Me".
[6]In reference to "The Blues Brothers" movie, in which Elwood Blues has a hard time seeing the Light.

In the name of the Stephenie and Kaori, enjoy.

ELLE: STARRY, STARRY NIGHT

Chapter 9: ...Bound to Ride the Rollercoaster Race.

[Song] What Am I Doing Here by Beverley Mitchell [1]

While Tanya had just broken up with me, and despite the unusual trickling noise of chuckling laughter that was still coming from two now-giggling girls curled up in a hyena den on their side of my wall, I fell asleep as soon as I closed my eyes...

...

… and was lying on the deckchair chair. In the unbroken darkness of the light-less Night. In the whispering silence. Crickets were singing. The light breeze was tickling at my ears. Under the nightly breath the sail of my tee-shirt rippled in soft billows across my chest, and fanned and rested the quiet body that lay there, after the heat and its excesses, at the end of a Summer day in Time. There bathing in the calm I was quenching my thirst at the cool spring of nothingness, and the far-away stars that shone on me seemed to be dancing for my eyes only. And then, the Breeze, breath and helper of the Night, bore a melody on its wings and she gave it to me.

Eager for the gift, I flipped open the faithful spiral-bound notebook to try and record on paper the haunting tune. Alas, I was but a mortal with slow and awkward hands. The notes flowed and sifted through my fingers like elusive grains of sand until at last none was left in the hourglass as the beautiful music fell away to its own end before I could complete the tormenting task at hand. Crazed and bewildered and trembling I collapsed on my knees as panic came rolling over me in great waves of excruciating pain that tore right through my body. Each passing second felt like aeons of timeless agony. My desperate hand now clawed useless fingers at my hair in mock semblance of my endeavour to rack my brains. But however hard I tried to recall the fugitive notes that had escaped me, I could never recapture their exquisite harmony. Anguish now wracked my body whose shaking limbs felt ripped apart. The notes in their flight had wrenched away and ravished my very heart and though I clutched with twitching fingers at the place it used to warm, it felt deserted in the infinite cold [2].

There, on the brink of the chasm. There at the end of time it seemed, and of all things. There in the end, I stood. Still. Blighted. Bereft. For there the heart should throb no more. And there was only Emptiness...and nothing more...[3] Until out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of a shadow. A thing pale and shimmering that glided, and seemed to move away in the shadows. Compelled, I turned my body and my eyes to the unexpected being-thing and saw. It was Her. Relief washed over me. This time, she had not vanished and I could lay my mortal eyes on her. She had found me.
And so, I went to her.

I could say her name this time for I knew it and it was hers.

… Bella...

And in speaking that one word, I felt whole. For the word of her name also spelt the name of Hope. Eventually as I was standing behind her, she turned to me and smiled. It felt warm.

And so I reached for her.

For the sake of the deserted place inside my chest which craved the warmth. For the sake of my sanity, which demanded its fair share of reality. And for the sake of me, who missed a heart and longed for what was mine. And still smiling, she just said...

"ALL BY MYSELF
Don't wanna be
ALL BY MYSELF
ANYMOOOOORE" [3]

*blink* ugh? Wh...? What the f...? Ooh. Noooo!
No-no-no-no-NO!

NO!

I was pitilessly wrenched out of sleep – and away from my blissful Bella-dream, alas – by Alice's ear-splitting squealing – which she called singing – coming from the kitchen all the way up to my room. A terminal offense, lethal both to musician and dreamer. Attempted murder. But a bad case of failed attempt at singing for a fact. How many times had I told her to give up trying altogether? She never listened – Well, could the girl only hear in the first place? She wouldn't. Her natural joyfulness remained amazingly unshakable. God, have mercy! Even with my head buried deep into my pillow, I was unable(d) to go back to sleep. I wanted the peace and the silence I had found in the dream. Yet, defeated, I finally shuffled down to the kitchen, only to get dazzle-blinded – by the liiiii-iigh-iigh-iight [4] – when I saw Bella. She wore but a plain tank top and sweatpants, but their sight was enough to give some wings to a few fancies in my head. And that in itself was shocking and puzzling. Was that supposed to be a normal reaction from someone who had broken with his girlfriend only hours before? Since when had that recent Pervert Shadow-Boy me gotten the best of my usual Nice-Edward sober self ?

Without a word, I poured myself a cup of coffee. Unlike Alice, I was no early riser. Or even waker. Cheerful blabbering in the morning was not my style. Definitely. I was more into saying nothing and brightening up gradually over the passing of a few hours – that is to say a long time – after I had actually woken up. Alice left the kitchen, and Bella and I found ourselves alone together. She kept her nose into her bowl. Then opened her mouth as if to say something. Then closed it again, no syllable uttered. And finally rose, apparently to go and join Alice. Unthinkingly, I grabbed her arm...

"Wait. There's something I've got to tell you."

"Yes,..."

My brain clicked into emergency-thinking mode. What could I possibly say now? My thoughts went back to what had happened the night before and the last time I had seen her.

"I'm sorry for being so rude yesterday."

"And I am sorry for what I said to you. I had no right. It was out of place."

"No, you couldn't have known. So many things are changing around me at the moment...It's just... bewildering."

Why was I telling her that? My problems were none of her business. For God's sake! We had only known each other for the last few days since she had sprung out of nowhere.

"How's that?"

I could not find the right words. All I was capable of was glancing and gazing at her. Which probably made her feel all the more self-conscious.

"I'm sorry. I didn't want to seem to pry or anything..."

"No, that's okay. I don't mind. I'm telling you. It's just that... it is so strange to see people around you change. Take Alice for one thing. She never makes friends with people so fast, and here you are in our house, after not even a full week has passed."

And it was definitely not normal for me to confide so easily to anyone. What sort of spell had she cast on us, on me that I even dreamed of her?

"I see..."

After thinking for a moment, she resumed:

"You know, I think that nothing is meant to remain immutably the same. Everything in the world changes, the world itself is changing all the time. Take the weather, for instance. Even if we can now predict it pretty accurately, there is always a certain degree of uncertainty. Room for the unaccountable and the unexpected. The same goes with music. Styles change. And come back sometimes. Who would have placed a bet on the Disco returning on the dance floors? I think everything that happens happens for a reason. Even if at first we don't like much the way things turn, we usually end up quite fine. Well, that's just how I see things..."

"I understand that. But what if you don't want things to change? What if you want everything to remain the way you know them without the unpredictable surprises?"

I hated it when I had no control. At least, when everything is predictable, you can prepare so that you're ready to face whatever is coming at you.

"Then, I guess you'll always be unhappy. Because you'd be going against the turning of the wheel of fortune. Against fate. Learn to accept the fact that you have control over nothing and then you'll see things differently, just because you'll be seeing them from a different vantage point, from a different angle. Believe me."

"Sure... Now, tell me Elwood, how did you come up with that brilliant little theory? How did you get to see the Light"[5]

"Ahahah! Years and years of personal experiencing. Nothing more. Nothing less."

Though I was curious – desperately eager – about that 'experiencing' of hers I did not show it. I would have plenty of time later to get to know her better.

And we laughed. I laughed? It was the first time I had had a real unrestrained laughter with her. It felt good.

And then, just like that, we were talking about everything and nothing, trivia and big issues happily cramming up together in a messy bundle. She also told me a few bits about her childhood. At some point I had to urge her to continue because she had abruptly stopped after a name had escaped her lips. "Grâce". Finally, she, too, might have endured some hurtful experience, after all. Some painful pang at the hand of fortune. Some wobbly turn of the wheel. Then as a diversion from the heavy, she had sidetracked us onto the lighter (!) topic of the upcoming election. That, what with our diverging opinions, kept us busy until my sister's return, which brought our heated debate to a most definite but sadly unresolved end as Alice coolly interrupted us in the middle of our respective fiery arguments.

And I had loved it. I had discovered that I liked having that kind of talk with Bella. Because then, her eyes went all sparkly and literally lit up, sending sparks flying everywhere. She had such a fighting spirit in her! I was impressed. Passion burned in Bella. Yes. And a sort of living fire. And it was so very fascinating to watch its heat color her cheeks this lovely shade of red... I realized that with her I did not have to keep myself in check. There was no need for restraint. Contrarily, with Tanya, I always had to be careful and watch my words because whenever I said something she didn't like or didn't want to hear, she used to retreat into her shell and curl up there, out of my reach. But Bella, she understood that I could think differently from her. That kind of change, of the drastic type at that, was pleasant. I felt like I was finally breaking free.

Later, we headed to an art exhibition that Alice was literally dying to visit. It wasn't just a little surprising to see Bella have as much fun as my sister, if not more. With her, there was always something to discover, about her and around. She found an interest in everything and so everything became interesting. But she was more. Several times, she caught me looking fixedly at her. I pretended to be mocking her to keep up appearances. I pulled faces, that kind of things... like any primary school kid. You fool! Come on, act adult, Edward, or she'll end up hating you. And I insisted upon carrying her bag. The silly girl was all too capable of injuring her back. If she didn't take care of herself, I would.

Then we went to the funfair. Still the kid at heart, I gaped in wonder at the visions of balloons rising up in the sky. And so did little-girl Bella. The weather was beautiful, we literally bathed in the sun. Rosalie and Emmett joined us at some point. I couldn't exactly explain why but it felt suddenly a little like a dampener that WE should now become a group. Whatever, Bella couldn't stay in place once she knew there was a roller-coaster, and she suggested we took a ride. To please her, I upheld the motion, and regretted the move only a few minutes later as I found myself plummeting down the tracks while my heart and all my insides were experiencing zero-Gravity. My stomach was buckling over and was making crazy loops of its own, like some kind of loose wagon inside of me. My sensitive sense of pride was the only thing that saved me from yielding to the weak impulse. No suspense Bella should be the only one to volunteer for a second ride, but she gave up the idea – that's my Goddess of Mercy! – when she saw that she was also the only one not to be sick.

Finally, we all went for an ice-cream. Bella had gotten a rather special mix she wanted to try. Unfortunately that's when she tripped on her own shoes and the treat ended smeared all over her lovely nose, which elicited the strangest, but muffled, grunt from me. You...grunted? No!... Yeah... I did. I didn't think anybody had heard but then, I saw Alice frown – Ooops! – And then she suddenly took on a conspiratorial air... and I could relax. That is, until I saw Emmett take Bella apart. And give her something. And take her into his arms. And that's when Alice chose to stomp squarely on my foot. She whispered:

"Get a grip on yourself, Edward. And stop being jealous."

Jealous? I ? But... Wh...? What?

And then Bella was with us again. At last! Curious, Alice beat me to my question:

"What was that Emmett gave you?"

"A ticket for a ballet."

"That's nice of him. Why did he do that?"

"It's for my birthday, even if it's coming late."

"Aaaaah, the beginning of a love story!" The most aggravating traitor ranted.

"No, silly. Emmett is like a brother to me."

"Why that?"

"Because physically, he's my father's spitting image."

Hey, Emmett, that one's for you. I gloated, as I tried rather awkwardly to shade down the radiant beams of my victorious grin. But why should I react that way?

"That's not over-flatteringly nice, you know!" Alice replied, laughing.

"Actually, it is. As you may not know, my father happens to be quite the handsome man."

I kept silent during all this as I was intently bent on collecting every available scrapping of information. But,... What but? … Did she really see Emmett like a brother? Or did she just give away the minimum information needed to keep curiosity at bay? Was it a good or a bad thing that Emmett should remind her of her father? Could she be suffering from a bad case of Oedipus complex? And why did this trouble me so much? All kinds of doubt possessed me. Why did I find myself in such an anguished state? My thoughts went back to Tanya. Was that a way of getting over her, fantasizing over a complete stranger? Even if the said stranger had been stalking my nights for weeks?

Wrapped up in my thoughts, I didn't notice that we had reached Bella's place. She brought me back Earth when she tugged at my arm. I gazed down at her. That's when she planted her delicious chocolate eyes in mine. And just like that, in this new dream of mine, all shy and smiling still, she said:

"You know, if you need someone to talk to, I'll listen. I'm here."

She did not wait for a reply but gave me another warm smile before running up inside without turning back.

I stood. Dumbfounded. Frozen. Until Alice broke the Gorgon spell that held me in its sway. She slapped me on the back of my head and reality was back.

"Edward, won't you hurry up, now."

I followed my sister sheepishly.

And later on that night, when I went to bed, I greeted Morpheus in my embrace with a goofy smile on my face.

BlueNote: Hope you enjoyed the day out in the sun. No sparkles on Edward's skin but something is smouldering. Other sparks have been kindled and they're already flying. Will you stay? Come sit with us by the fire then. Let's wait and live together yet another day in another's life.

Blue.

(I'll try and update sooner, now.)