Disclaimer: I don't own Digimon.
What's Left of You
Chapter: 11
Rika's sneakered feet struck the ground as she jogged through the park. Her expression was hard, a reflection of the thoughts that she found herself lost in as her legs carried her on autopilot. Jogging had become a part of her morning rituals nearly a month before Renamon's return from the digital world, scarcely before she became a teenager. She found that the act reminded her of her time as a Tamer, and kept her in shape for that hoped for day when her partner would come back to her, enabling them to pick up where they left off. Additionally, she liked the idea that she was kicking at the world whenever it left her irritated about something.
And today, she had much to be irritated about.
Coming to a stop in front of the steps that led to the old hideout, she wiped an arm across her brow, her arm coming away with a sheen of sweat. She scowled at it.
"Shouldn't be working up a sweat this early in the run," she grumbled.
"Perhaps it's because someone is going a little too fast and hard," came the voice of Renamon, materializing out of thin air off to the side, holding a towel and water bottle in her hands while observing Rika with a neutral expression. Rika met her eyes for a moment before looking away, kicking at the dirt of the park path.
"Maybe if the world wasn't looking to always tick me off," Rika harrumphed, "then I wouldn't need to."
Renamon looked at her sympathetically. Drawing out the towel, she approached her partner, and Rika took it with a grateful look.
"I just…can't…believe people, sometimes," the girl continued, her voice muffled by the cloth as she wiped her face down. Renamon nodded, understanding her frustrations. The news that morning featured various interviews with prominent opinion writers and politicians, many of whom were actively advocating for all digimon – including the partner digimon – to be returned to the digital world, and a new firewall to be erected to block all incoming digital life forms from ever entering the human world again.
"You'd think they would have learned by now," Rika sighed, placing the towel on the back of her neck. "But no, of course not. They think they have all the answers, and if it didn't work before it'll work this time because they're the ones calling the shots."
She harrumphed again as she planted her hands on her hips. "Stupid."
"Not Gogglehead?" Renamon asked, handing her the water bottle next.
"That'd be an insult to Goggleheads everywhere, and one in particular," Rika replied, unscrewing the cap. She narrowed her eyes before taking a quick drink, and Renamon saw the flash of anger in them. "But from what you've told me about meeting him last night, he was being kind of stupid too."
"Not nearly as much though, and for understandable reasons."
"He could have at least called me!"
Rika paused, her breathing becoming a bit heavier all of a sudden, and she took a moment to settle herself. Her vulpine partner eyed her contemplatively, spying that Rika was now looking slightly off to her righthand side, as though she were taking notice of the empty space that was there. A spot that Takato normally occupied during their morning runs.
She still remembered when Rika turned up at Takato's place and dragged him into her morning runs. Why this happened, Renamon never quite understood her partner's reasons, as Rika quite often did as she saw fit and rarely bothered with explanations. Her main excuse, when she finally did provide one, had been to make sure that he remained fit to take care of his duties as a Tamer, but Renamon couldn't help but notice that the timing coincided with Jeri's moving.
That can't be a coincidence…
"There was once a time," the kitsune began carefully, "that you would have said that he didn't need you to hold his hand."
Rika shot her partner a hard look at that. "If that's your attempt at being funny…"
"It's not," Renamon said, raising a paw in a placating manner. "But you are behaving a bit oddly."
"Takato's been hurt." There was the sound of plastic crackling as Rika tightened her grip about her water bottle. "Are you saying that it's normal for me to not care about that?"
This isn't going in a good direction…
Renamon placed a paw on Rika's shoulder. "Not in the least," she said. "But you are starting to sound a bit like a…" She cocked her head to one side in thought. "What's the phrase you've used before when talking about Takato's mother? About how she treats him like he can't take care of himself?"
"A mother hen," Rika supplied sullenly, the bottle crackling again as she relaxed her grip and turned away, resuming her trek. "So, you're saying that I'm babying the Gogglehead."
"Do I need to point out that you were, just now, upset that he didn't call you in the middle of the night with regards to his attempt to biomerge with Guilmon again?"
"I'm mad about that because what if something went wrong? No one would have been there to know what happened!" She made a frustrated growl and, upon finishing off her water bottle, chucked it into a nearby recycling can. "He just…has to go around making people worry!"
Folding her arms together, she continued on. "I'm surprised his mom isn't grey-haired yet with all the hairbrained, Gogglehead stuff he's done over the years. I'm surprised I haven't gone grey yet!"
"You're only sixteen," Renamon pointed out, continuing to keep pace with her. "And you've done far worse than he has."
"That's because I know what I'm doing!"
"And he doesn't?"
Rika opened her mouth to say something, only to snap it shut a second later and look away.
"Stupid…Gogglehead!" she muttered irritably before pausing in place. "Do you know…" Another pause before she tsked to herself. "Of course, you do. You were there."
"Rika?" Renamon asked, a touch confused.
"Back when you rescued him and set him down… When Henry and I were trying to keep him from bleeding to death…" She raised her hands, gazing at them, her face twisted up in disgust, as though she were looking at something dirty. "…all he did was ask if we were the ones who were okay. Who does that when they're the ones who are…are…"
She trailed off, and Renamon noticed that her partner's hands were shaking. It was subtle, and she doubted that even Rika noticed it. Placing a paw on her partner's shoulder again, her eyes sympathetic, she gave her a soft squeeze.
"If it means anything, it shows how much he cares about you. You're important enough to him that he is willing to put it all on the line to make sure that you're all safe."
Rika's shoulders sagged a little at that, her eyes becoming a bit damp. Furiously wiping at them, she resumed walking, her step heavy and forceful.
"I wish he'd care about me enough to take better care of himself," she grated, scowling at the dirt path. "Stupid Gogglehead. This is all Jeri's fault. If she hadn't moved away, I wouldn't have…"
Again, the girl trailed off into silence, and Renamon's ears twitched, waiting.
"Wouldn't have what?" she prompted, after the moment stretched out into two, and then three.
"Nothing," Rika said stiffly before breaking into a jog again. "I've got to hurry it up. I don't want to be late for work."
Renamon watched her go for a bit before closing her eyes and vanishing into thin air.
###
Rika arrived at the bakery well ahead of her concerns about being late, though she knew too late to see Takato off. She wondered how she felt about that, or how she would have reacted upon seeing him, knowing that he had gone off into the night on his own without even so much as a curtesy call.
He 'cares,' huh? she thought, entering in through the front door, finding herself greeted by the warm smell of baked bread wafting through the air. Maybe I should show him how much I 'care' by making him eat his stupid goggles.
It was an unfair thought, and she knew it, but it was one born out of frustration.
Just…why do things have to be this way? she wondered. Why can't he just…just…
Her thoughts trailed off, becoming briefly unfocused as she found herself unable to articulate what she felt in her heart.
"Morning, Rika," came the voice of Takehiro from the cash register, breaking her out of her thoughts. Her head snapped up, and she nodded to him in return.
"Morning, Mr. Matsuki," she replied, continuing toward the back area. "How are things this morning?" She paused, worrying her lip before continuing. "Was Takato doing okay?"
"He seemed to be, though he was a little tired," Takehiro answered with a tense chuckle. "Mie had to work a little to get him to crawl out of bed this morning. She was worried that he might be coming down with something, like a computer virus, but you know how he is." His eyes took on a more distant expression as Rika paused at the entrance to the kitchen area. "Tries to put a brave face on everything."
"Typical," Rika tsked, disappearing into the kitchen and quickly grabbing a bandana and apron from their respective drawers. Undoing her ponytail, she immediately set about tying her hair back with the bandana. "Maybe I should give him a piece of my mind about that too."
Poking his head in, Takehiro raised an eyebrow at her.
"Is something the matter?"
Taking up the apron, Rika tied it about her waist.
I'm guessing he didn't tell his parents about his late-night experiment…
"Nothing," she replied, turning towards the man. "I'm just…worried about him, that's all."
She frowned just then, realizing that she hadn't seen or heard anything from Mie since arriving. As if guessing this, he gave her a comforting smile.
"Mie's accompanying him and Guilmon to Hypnos. She wanted to have a little 'mom insurance' and wanted to be there and hear what's going on without having to wait. You know how she is."
"I see," Rika said blandly, not sure what else there was to say with regards to that. Folding his arms together, Takehiro leaned against the door, smiling sympathetically.
"I've got to say, Takato's very lucky to have friends like you who are so concerned about him. At times like this, it pays to have a good friend or two to have your back. His mother and me always had a bit of a hard time with it when we were his age." He grinned and gave a hearty chuckle. "Probably why we stuck to each other like glue."
"Yeah…lucky. Anyway, is there anything I need to take care of first before I get started on the bread dough?"
"Hm? Oh! Yeah. Let's get you started out here…"
And so, her work began. Rika quickly lost herself in her thoughts as her body went on autopilot, long used to the various tasks the Matsuki's assigned to her.
Yet, for the first time since her first day of working at the bakery, Rika found herself wondering if this was a mistake.
Jeri should be here, she thought. Jeri, not me. So why am I here over a stupid promise?
###
"Here we are," Shibumi said, tapping the computer screen in front of him. On it was the image of Takato's figure, covered by lines of code stretching across his entire body. Behind him, Henry leaned forward, his grey-eyes frowning thoughtfully. Janyu had brought him along with Yamaki's permission, if only to give him something else to focus on that remained connected to his worries about his friend, and hopefully to give him a better idea about how to help him. Analyzing his friend's data, his gaze was drawn to the stump of Takato's arm, making a note of how it appeared on the screen; distorted and blurred, with bits of code cracked in places.
Quite the opposite of how it looks on the outside, he thought, his eyes flickering over to Takato as he lay in the machine
"How's it going out there?" came Takato's voice from the scanning bed. "Did you find out what's wrong?"
"Not quite," Shibumi replied. "But I'd say that we may have found something."
"The data in his arm looks pretty bad," Henry observed as Terriermon climbed up onto his shoulder to get a better look.
"Well, why wouldn't it?" the long-eared digimon asked, a bit confused. "I mean, Armageddamon basically bit it off on him."
And it wasn't exactly a clean bite either, Henry thought, shivering in recollection of his friend's injury and the broken bone that jutted out from the destroyed limb before pressing onward.
"That's the thing though," he continued, leaning away from the screen, massaging his chin thoughtfully. "MarineAngemon managed to help him with his Kahuna Waves. It's always had a strong, restorative effect on digimon, and Takato has data in him as well. Are humans and digimon just that different?"
"It's possible," Shibumi acknowledged. "Unfortunately, I'm no biologist, so I can't really explain why it might be that way. Digimon manage to maintain a file of their physical attributes and when they're damaged, they load data, using it to patch any holes, and eventually overwrite it. It's very much like how we operate on the surface. You get a scab that covers the wound, and new tissue grows underneath. But for the most part, digimon don't scar."
"Uh… Leomon sure had a lot of those when he was around," Terriermon pointed out a bit stiffly.
"Yeah, but that's also part of his appearance," Henry returned. "He's drawn and designed to have scars. And even if that weren't the case, it's not the same thing as human scars."
"I don't get it."
"You're not alone in that," Shibumi chuckled. "Like I said, I'm not a biologist. I've heard all sorts of ideas though since I began looking into this, like scarring is a quick and dirty way to heal because we're so complex that if we were to use stem cells like reptiles or other creatures with low metabolisms, our bodies would quickly become cancerous." He turned toward the pair apologetically. "But like I said, I'm not an expert in this field, so I can't say for sure what's right or wrong about that. But let's say, for the moment, that the data that makes up Takato's body is operating the same way as his normal, organic body, then it's possible that it would react the same way to regeneration, which would mean…"
"…that Takato's body just scarred over at an accelerated rate."
"Right, and however scarring functions, it carried over to the data, leaving a lot of damaged and incomplete lines of code, which might be why Takato is having a hard time biomerging with Guilmon. I suspect that if it were a perfect regeneration of the data, then regardless of the actual injury, biomerging wouldn't be a problem."
He sighed, pushing a button, causing Takato to be drawn out from the scanning equipment.
"Can it be fixed?" the brown-haired boy asked, having heard their discussion from inside the scanner. "Like you found a way to get around the D-Reaper with the red card?"
"We'll see," Shibumi said. "Unfortunately, I only understand the ins and outs of digital technology, not human biology."
"You seemed to do a good job of it when you made the red card," Terriermon said.
"Not wholly." Shibumi turned toward the long-eared digimon. "Remember, I had forgotten to account for how the human part impacted your biomerged forms, which gave you a time limit. Had you separated sooner, you all likely would have died in there."
"You know…" began Terriermon, tapping his chin worriedly as Takato got up from off the scanning bed. "…it's kind of amazing how many times we didn't end up dying out there."
"Terriermon…"
"Don't be too hard on him, Henry," Takato chuckled dryly, taking up his jacket and drawing it back on. "I mean, he is right about that. He almost took our heads off in that parking garage and we were a lot less experienced then."
"Gee… Thanks for reminding me about that," Terriermon replied, earning him a small smile from the boy.
"Momentai."
Terriermon blinked before scowling at him, planting his tiny hands on his hips.
"Takato…"
"Sorry," he laughed. "I couldn't resist."
Henry winced, watching the one sleeve of Takato's jacket as it hung there limply, briefly, before his friend fastened it to a pin stuck in it. It was a sloppy job, owing to the inexperience of his left hand having to perform in the dominant role, and Takato recognized that all too clearly, grimacing at his handiwork before sighing.
"So…uh…is that all there is to it, or do you need me to stick around?"
"No, you're free to leave. I've got all the information I'm going to need for a while. I'll let you know if I come up with anything or need more."
"Right," Takato nodded, starting toward the door, waving goodbye. He paused briefly, looking at Henry, who regarded him sadly.
"Take care of yourself," he nodded to his friend, his thoughts turning toward the data that Shibumi had scanned, wondering if any of it would be any good. Takato bit his lower lip at this before returning the gesture with more hesitation.
"Right," he said with a touch of quiet to his voice. "I'll talk to you later, okay?"
As Takato left the room, Terriermon looked at Henry with a hard look and then promptly hopped down onto the floor, strolling after the brown-haired teen.
"Terriermon?" Henry asked, raising an eyebrow.
"What? You don't need me while you and ol' Monster Maker here do your computer stuff. I'm going to make sure Takato at least gets back to his mom and Guilmon without tripping over himself or anything."
With that, the long-eared rabbit-dog hurried on out, leaving a rather confused Henry behind.
###
"Hey! Takatomon! Wait up!"
The teen turned around, an eyebrow raised as Henry's partner ran up to him, long ears flapping behind him before he came to a halt.
"Uh…hey, Terriermon," he greeted, turning toward him. "What's up?"
"Just figured I'd follow you around for a little bit. I'm not needed back there, so what's the harm?"
Takato forced a grin on his face. "You mean besides my dignity?" he said sarcastically. "I mean, you're always poking fun at it."
"Only because you make it so easy and because I like you," Terriermon replied. "Besides, it'll only just be a little way. Just until you meet up with your mom. No big deal, right?"
"You know I wouldn't have said no anyway," Takato replied, placing his hand into his pocket, starting forward again. Terriermon fell into step beside him.
"I wasn't worried about that. You put up with Kazu and Rika after all, and I'm pretty sure that I'm a lot friendlier than they are. At least I don't hit you."
"Rika has never hit me," Takato frowned. "Well…I mean except for that one time, but…" He blushed hotly, his movements becoming stiffer and more uncomfortable from the memory. "…well…that was an accident."
"Sure, it was," Terriermon agreed without fanfare. "It was a case of mistaken identity. I get that. Crowded train and everything. But a hit's still a hit."
"Terriermon…" Takato groaned, wondering why Henry's partner was bringing up that old bruise, and one that Rika felt plenty bad about herself back then and even now, mistake or not. "Can we not talk about that?"
"Sorry. I guess…I just figured seeing you get all worked up was better than seeing you get bummed out that Henry didn't follow you. I'm not that good at tact, remember?"
"Gee, you think?" Takato looked down at the diminutive digimon, ignoring the faint flush that still haunted his cheeks. "Did I really look bummed about that?"
"Yeah. You kinda did."
Takato stopped in place, causing Terriermon to look up at him with a quizzical eyebrow raised.
"I guess…I kind of was," he admitted. "I haven't had a whole lot of time to talk to him about stuff like we used to." He thought back to last night and his conversation with Renamon. His hand lifted from his pocket and touched his stump, his expression pained. "I just…kind of wish that I could put all of this behind me already and go back to something like the way things used to be. I know it's going to take time to get used to…I don't know. My new 'normal,' and figure out how to biomerge again so I can help you guys when it counts, but…" He sighed. "I don't know." He squeezed his shoulder, and he felt the invisible ghosts of his missing fingers attempt to squeeze back.
Terriermon cocked his head to one side. "Is that all you're really worried about? Whether or not you can help us?"
Takato shifted uncomfortably. "Well… Why not? We're always saving the world and everything…"
Terriermon pondered him for a moment before hopping up onto his shoulder, causing the boy to sputter in surprise.
"Sorry," the long-eared digimon apologized. "It's just easier to talk this way. Anyway, I haven't told you this before, but I'm telling you now. Henry hasn't been sleeping well because he's been staying up all kinds of crazy hours researching how to build you a new arm. He's even got one mapped out on his computer."
"Wait! He whaaa…?"
"He built you a digital arm on his computer. Sheesh! Try and keep up, will ya?"
"But…But… Why are you telling me this?" Takato asked, flummoxed. "If Henry isn't telling me, then he's got to have a good reason for…"
"Just hear me out, okay?" Clearing his throat, he continued. "You remember how Henry kept trying to keep me from fighting, and how that blew up in everyone's faces right?"
"Kind of literally," Takato nodded, still confused as to where this was going, but certain that Terriermon would guide him to the answer.
"Did he ever tell you that it wasn't all because I got hurt in that game he was playing?"
"Uh…huh?" Takato blinked. Henry had told him about how Terriermon came into the real world, and how that affected him, but the notion that there was something more to it never occurred to him.
"He hurt a kid once with his martial arts," Terriermon continued. "Put him in the hospital. It shook him up pretty bad, so after that he always worked on trying to control himself. Now, I've been around him long enough to know that this grew beyond just himself, and that sometimes it gets him all weird whenever things go beyond his ability to control things. Like when Suzie showed up in the digital world. Or when she got a boyfriend. Remember how super protective of her he got then?"
"Yeah…" Takato replied, still wondering where this was all going.
"My point is, I've got a pretty good idea when people aren't being completely honest about what's bugging them. Or when they're pushing it off onto something else. Kind of like how Rika was worried about Renamon ending up like IceDevimon, but convinced herself that she hated all digimon to give her an excuse to stay away. Or like how Henry figured that he could control himself by controlling me."
Takato stared down at the tiled floor, his mind in deep thought at that. He remembered Jeri, how she blamed herself for Leomon's death. How she believed that if she didn't exist, none of their problems would have happened. Or how she wasn't nice because she didn't accept her stepmother.
There's a lot of things I can't do anymore, he thought, feeling his stump tingle a little bit. But…
"What's wrong with worrying about people you care about?" he asked. "I can't not worry about the others, especially when I can't help you guys."
"I didn't say there was anything wrong with that," Terriermon said. "I'm just worried that you're using that to ignore everything else wrong with you. I mean, no offense Takato, but you do tend to ignore stuff that has to do with you a lot by worrying about others. It's not a bad thing, but, well, you don't really get to momentai when you need to. Do you want to be like Henry, who worries about every little thing all the time?"
"Terriermon…" Takato began, ruffling his hair in aggravation. "Look, I've got to get going. Mom and Guilmon are probably worried sick about me right now and…"
"Worried any more now than at any other time?"
"Terriermon!"
"Okay, okay, sorry. Sheesh, you really are starting to sound a bit like Henry."
"Well, sometimes Henry's right to worry!" Takato snapped angrily. He looked down at his remaining hand. "If I had just gone Crimson Mode…than I wouldn't have let anyone down. None of you guys would be worrying about me right now."
Wrapping both ears around the teen, Terriermon gave Takato a tight hug before hopping down.
"Momentai. We'd be worrying about you anyway. As for the Crimson Mode stuff, maybe Shibumi has a fix for that? I can ask him for you, if you'd like so you don't have to sit in the scanner again."
Takato swallowed, mulling things over before letting out a small breath.
"No, I'll ask him when I see him again. One problem at a time, and it's my responsibility anyway, and knowing me, it's probably something…well, like Rika would say…" He gave a light, yet strained laugh. "…goggleheaded."
Terriermon scrunched his face up, not appearing the least bit pleased by that response.
"All right, but only if you agree to momentai and try worrying about yourself for once. You won't get better if you stress yourself out worrying about everyone else. We're pretty tough too, you know."
"I'll…give it a shot," Takato frowned, though he wasn't sure what to make of Terriermon's psychoanalysis. Why could it possibly be a bad thing to be worried about his friends? They all needed each other to protect them in a fight, and if he wasn't able to do that…
Jeri… Trapped in the D-Reaper while it fed on her; using her to evolve… Torturing her…
Rika… Rolling off the top of Locomon, crying out in surprise as her hand reached out desperately for his…
Beelzemon… Impaled on the D-Reaper's defensive blades as he attempted to rescue Jeri. Takato hadn't been in position to protect him…
He barely noticed his nails biting into his palm as his stump pulsed painfully.
"Yeah… Momentai," he said under his breath. Like I can afford to do that.
8