The Throne of Shirou

by Arrixam

From across Time/Space, legends from the age of Fanfiction Net come together to engage once more in the Fifth Holy Grail War. All is not as it seems as the Shirous of various works must band together to stop a force beyond their current means. But let it be known they are not alone. For they hail from the nexus above and beyond, the Throne of Shirou!

11. That Lucky SOB

The Throne of Shirou!

(Produced by Arrixam)

The King of Swords, performed by Gabriel Blessing

The King of Steel, performed by Marcus Galen Sands

King Apeiron, performed by James D Fawkes

The Ash of Miracles, performed by Third Fang

Sir Emiya of the Round Table, performed by TypeMoonFreak

Troper!Shirou, performed by Satire Swift

The Keeper of Souls, performed by LD 1449

The God of Blades, performed by Ginobi47

The Hero of Lies, performed by Shintouyu

Chief Editor (Beta)

Third Fang

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A message from the author! Pay attention!

Actually I already typed up an author's note about 1k words long. However, my computer spazzed out on me and it got deleted. Plus the interview at the end of all this was erased as well as my edits to this story. So, I'm going to make this all quick.

First! TypeMoonFreak has reposted his grammatically corrected version of Timeline of Fate. It means the story where Sir Emiya of the Round Table is up and you can all go read it if you're interested.

Second! I gave a long winded speech to my Beta, Third Fang. But because it got deleted I'm going to just dumb it down. Thank you Third Fang. You've been busy lately yet you've found the time to work on this. Also, I added a few pages worth of text at the end of the chapter so you might want to go read that. It's mostly for progressing the story.

Third! Thank you everyone for supporting my choices in the three newest Shirous added into the roster. Everyone especially loves the God of Blades. I wonder if it's specifically because he's a pervert?

Third and a half! Shintouyu, if you're reading this (as I've seen you leave a review every now and then) please contact me when you can. I've tried sending you a message but I'm unsure if they've gone through or not. I'd love to have a chat with you.

Fourth and final! Due to an error on my part, I hesitated at the last moment and had to ask a previous author to step in for this chapter's interview. But there are a brand new set of questions! I hope you all enjoy it and I'm sorry for not scheduling someone else on time. It was my mistake.

EXTRA! I've found my Shirou Crimson and the statistics for the Knights of the Round Table are finally up in the Master's Book found under the story section of my profile. All of them, including those who were defeated against Miyu Berserker. I shall update the rest of the Servants before next chapter. Let's see if I keep my promise.

Now without further ado, ON WITH THE SHOW!

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Chapter 3

Wednesday

Section C

The [BEEP] Main Character

"The King doesn't understand his people," they all said.

Shirou watched the series of exchanges as time flew by in so many directions he couldn't make heads or tails of which event was first. He dreamed he was in England in the prime of King Arthur's rule. He watched the great battles and grand adventures of the Knights of the Round Table he knew from what little stories he had heard in passing, and those that had never been recorded. He watched their brotherhood start off from nothing more than a mob of mercenaries looking to satiate their pride and grow into something meaningful.

He also saw the little things that would lead to their downfall.

It all began with Arthur herself. Arturia had been warned that her life will forever be surrendered to the crown should she ever pull the sword from the stone. Yet, she had done so without hesitation, and from that day onward had given her all in the name of the people.

She was a King, and only a King. Never a woman, never a person. As the prophesized Once and Future King, King Arthur waged war against the minor rulers who threatened to bring Britain to ruin, had fended off the invading Saxons, had succeeded, and had brought the majority of Britain under one rule.

She chose to wed Lady Guinevere not out of love, but in a state of fear one might learn of her secret of gender. Guinevere had only been told after their marriage ceremony when they both retired to the chambers, expecting to consummate their matrimony. But one bound to honor, Guinevere upheld her promise despite being outraged at being deceived. Still, without anyone to willingly love, the maiden's attention would occasionally roam. In many years, on the day Sir Lancelot was old enough to become a Knight of the Round, she immediately fell in love at first glance.

And he too grew infatuated with the Queen. However, his love was nowhere near on par with what she had for him. For Lancelot had learned of the secret of the King and had, against his better nature as a sworn Knight, fallen in love with the girl disguised as a man. At once was a sworn duty of honor had become a sworn duty to appease the one he loved and sold his all to follow wherever she went. Alas, when it was known the queen had fancied him and was to be burned at the stake for her attempted adultery, Sir Lancelot had been conflicted like never before.

Dare he surrender his love for his humanity and save the woman he loved as a sister? Or dare he surrender his humanity for love knowing it can never be returned?

Eventually, the latter prevailed and defied his King, the one he loved more than anything. He gave up his title as Knight of the Round as he butchered his fellow brothers to save Guinevere. However, a number of his closest brethren assisted his defiant work and so fled across the seas with him.

Sir Gawain abandoned the Round when the King did not want to punish Lancelot and sought his own justice, leading to the crippling wound that would one day bring the death of him.

And then there was Sir Tristain, who understood the quagmire between Sir Lancelot and Guinevere better than anyone. For he was in love with a woman who could never be his as she too loved him in return. He, dying of a poison incurable, had gotten out of his bed to beg with the King to forgive them. But it was too late. Guinevere was imprisoned for life and Arthur was already preparing for war against Lancelot. There, Sir Tristain threw his sword at the King, resigned as a Knight, and returned to his chambers. It was the last time anyone would see the bard standing again.

"You understand nothing of the people you rule, girl," were his last words to the Round Table.

Shirou watched all these events within the span of a few hours. These events weren't just the only ones as there were countless others, both good and bad. Fate was never on Arthur's side as every trial imaginable was thrown at him. Some were conquered, others left him defeated. Since taking the throne, he was always meant to fall.

The downfall of the kingdom had begun as early as the first days of Arthur's rule. It was not his fault as it was a force beyond his power to control.

Before the foundations of the Round Table had been formed, Sir Balin had been a knight in name alone within Arthur's court. A maiden had appeared asking for one of pure heart to pull a sword free from the scabbard in her arms. Not even Arthur had been able to pry it free but Sir Balin had succeeded. Alas, the blade was cursed as this maiden was a Fae who despised the Lady of the Lake and sought to bring ruin onto Lady Elaine's charge. With the sword free, she asked for Balin to return it to her for her own use against Arthur. Sir Balin, unknowingly consumed by the curse, had refused and had claimed the sword as his own.

Time had passed; Lady Elaine arrived to Arthur's court asking for the payment for crafting Excalibur. Seeing the red blade in the hands of Balin, and fearing the worst, she asked for the head of Balin as payment. Before Arthur could refuse her demand, Sir Balin had removed her head with the same blade, effectively killing the Fae. In both rage and mourning, Arthur had no choice but to banish Sir Balin.

Time passed yet again, Sir Balin found himself in lands unfamiliar to him. A murderer had been roaming the area, and so Sir Balin saw it upon himself to be rid of this hindrance for the locals. But the villain held a shroud in which could render him invisible making him difficult to pin down.

He eventually managed to track him back to the castle of a king who had claimed to be a descendant of Joseph of Arimathea. Finding the invisible assassin lurking among the king's guests, Sir Balin removed the shroud and killed him.

The murderer had turned to be the king's brother and as such the king sought to imprison Sir Balin for his actions, no matter how noble they may have been. The knight fought through the king's men, eventually forcing him to flee to the deeper regions of the castle until he was cornered.

He did not know the red blade he claimed as his own was luring him down the worst possible route.

Within one of the dungeons, he found a magical spear floating over an altar. He sought to use it as he had lost his shield in the fighting, not fully knowing what it was. In fear of his life, he took it, activated its blessings, and brought it down onto the first who entered the dungeon after him.

The Dolorous Stroke had been delivered onto the Fisher King. His men were dying after the blow, his land transforming into a swamp, and his castle crumbling down on top of them. Sir Balin had been crushed and killed, but the curse delivered onto the Fisher King kept him alive. He was to be crippled, disfigured, and to forever be in pain as his life extended to drag out his existence as long as possible.

And so the Fisher King swore revenge. Alas, with Sir Balin dead, there was only one he could set his wrath upon: the one who sent Sir Balin this way, King Arthur.

He took the cursed blade and used his Formalcraft to bind it to stone, to await the day when the one who could use the blade's full power could arrive, when the curse would be at its strongest. And that person would be under the Fisher King's guidance as he would send him off to Arthur's court. And that person will, one day, bring about the ruin of King Arthur's rule.

But it wouldn't be enough. No, the Fisher King didn't demand the end of the Pendragon name. He demanded all of Camelot be destroyed, much like his kingdom had been.

With his knowledge of Formalcraft, he sought ways to expand his resources regarding the divine instruments such as the chalice, the dish, and the spear. As the blade continuously dripped the blood of Christ, he had unlimited access to the most pure of divine power.

But for his plans to work, he needed more.

He sought assistance from Lady Morgana le Fay, dear sister of Arthur and once apprentice to the madman Merlin. Thanks to the foolishness of the Magician, Morgana had been able to extract sperm from the king as well as stealing the sacred scabbard Avalon. With Avalon, he had, albeit limited, access to the divine mysteries of the Fae. Faerie phenomenon and Christian miracles united gave him what he wanted:

An endless prana dispensing vessel with the power to grant the miracles of the Savior. With it, the Spear of Longinus, and the cursed blade of the Fae, all he needed now was the perfect host. Perhaps the homunculus Morgana was creating could be the one he needed?

But the Fisher King was wary. He needed more.

He dabbled in the affairs of the Round Table. He summoned the dragon that would would one day poison Sir Tristain with an incurable disease. He deceived a young boy who would one day become Sir Percival into believing he would become Siege Perilous, who would one day swear to revive the Fisher King. He stole a sample of the homunculus Morgana was still growing to create his own, a daughter he named Elaine which he molded in likeness to Queen Guinevere and used her to play with Sir Lancelot's heart. He spread propaganda among the citizens of Camelot to dishevel the King, even succeeding in framing Merlin and having him imprisoned by Arthur himself! He manipulated knights, thieves, mercenaries, and other kings to bring as much chaos into the lands of Britain as much as possible. In doing so, the Knights of the Round Table were brought closer after every trial he threw at them to destruction.

It was exactly what he wanted. It was simpler to crush something united than if they were scattered.

When Elaine was pregnant with the child of Lancelot, the Fisher King manipulated with its growth, injecting it with his results of studying Avalon as well as the blood of Christ. With the draconian genes of the Pendragon family, the aura of the Fae from Lancelot's genes, and the divine blessings by the blood of the Savior, the child born from his homunculus was perfect. So what if it killed the girl after giving birth? He finally had the last piece he needed to end King Arthur's rule! And so what if this to-be Knight was a girl? Such trivial matters. Her breeding was perfect, possibly surpassing that of the Siege Perilous.

The Fisher King had succeeded in creating the Ultimate Knight, Galahad.

*Scene*

The one thing Shirou wanted to do was go back to sleep. It wasn't just because he was tired having exhausted his Circuits by just standing while his Servants did everything. He really wanted to know more about the dream he had. He had seen visions of Gawain fighting a giant of a man in green armor, Lancelot going mad for a year in a forest for sleeping with someone who looked like his closest friend Guinevere, Caradoc being turned into a Dead Apostle by his father, Tristain battling a dragon with his broken bow, Balin killing his brother by mistaking him for someone else in a duel, Breunor facing a hundred knights with but a spear and his black shield…

There were too many for him to count. He remembered them all and could never forget the amount of blood, sweat, and tears each Knight had shed to be what they are today. Despite their unfortunate end, every member of the Round Table was like a large family. Their indifferences that led them against the other, yet they had loved one another like brothers. And from what he had seen in that last bit, he could only assume their downfall wasn't of their doing. But he needed to see the next part to confirm anything.

However, he knew he couldn't lounge in bed all day. He had school to attend to and Fuji-nee would scold him if he decided to ditch without a solid excuse. Wanting to finish his dream wouldn't fly with her. She'll probably drag him out of bed before beating him with Torashinai. So, with some reluctance and a sigh, he decided to get out of bed and feed the beast before she does as was aforementioned.

Except when he sat up, two pairs of arms wrapped themselves around his ribcage on both sides and pulled him back to bed. He tried to give a startled yelp as he hadn't noticed their presence in his bed, but it came out as a cough as the two forces were squeezing him hard.

The one on his left was a girl just as tall as Saber. He almost mistook her for Saber, in fact. The girl had the same figure, the same face, and the same hairstyle bun-included. The only difference was her ahoge was ridiculously long— long enough to actually curl into a swirl and was probably more than a foot long if straightened. Plus her hair was black instead of blonde. She was mumbling something in her sleep as she continued to crush his ribs.

It was really starting to hurt. Avalon could only help so much.

The other girl on his right was, if possible, shorter. Probably just a few centimeters shy from being half his height. If not for the generous bust pressing against his torso he would have assumed she was a young girl. She had a porcelain face, rosy cheeks, golden eyes, and long green hair.

Shirou knew what color eyes she had because this one was fully awake, unlike the other. She was looking at him with a mischievous cat-like grin.

"Good mornin', Shirou-tan," she said so adorably Shirou actually felt the need to hug this girl.

"G-Good morning," Shirou replied with a smile and a single sweat drop sprouting from his brow. The sweat intensified when she found his reaction cute and decided to press herself further against him, even going as far as purring like a cat.

The black-haired Saber beside him mumbled something about it being cold and decided to press herself just as close to use his body as a heat source. By this point he couldn't fight back the blush.

Both girls might as well have been naked. They were wearing skin-tight material akin to spandex and it needed little to no imagination on what they looked like underneath.

"Ara ara~" the green-haired female smiled a little more as her eyes lit up. Shirou could have sworn he saw a twinkle in her iris. "Isn't this a good way to wake up, Shirou-tan?"

She whispered his name right in his ear and in such a seductive way it sent shivers down his spine. He tried to tell himself this was, indeed, a little girl. A little girl who had jumped from 'adorable' to 'sexy' in the blink of an eye, but a little girl nonetheless! But his body betrayed him. It also didn't help that she was tracing the muscles on his chest with a slender finger. It also did not help that she began to gently nibble on his ear after asking such a question.

Shirou did his best to voice his opinion to get her to stop, or at least ask who she was, but the black-haired girl using him like an overgrown teddy bear was squeezing the air out of his lungs.

If possible, the cat-like grin grew as Shirou suddenly felt like he was staring into the eyes of a predator. One who likes to play with their food. Her eyes went to the black-haired sleeping beauty and then back at Shirou. She gave a light laugh that sounded like a chime of bells to his ears. "Hu hu hu hu~ Shirou-tan is into that? Alright, I'll play along. Let's see how far we can go without waking her."

"W-Wait," Shirou gasped as he tried to plead. But his squirming got the other girl to tighten her grip and dig her face into his ribcage. He was pretty sure he heard a few cracks.

"Uu fu fu fu fu~" cackled the nameless green-haired girl as she began to play with Shirou's helplessness. Her nails began to lightly scratch the surface of his skin, continuing to trace his muscles. She got dangerously low towards the little tent, but always keeping a fair distance. She went back towards it, then back towards his torso, and then back down again. She repeated the process, getting closer and closer as his body started to adapt to the pain from his ribs to become sensitive to her fingerwork. It got to the point where Shirou was actually wanting her to stop teasing him.

She gave him a knowing smile. Her other hand came up to cup her cheek as she continued to draw circles around his lower abdomen.

She slid on top of him, careful to not disturb the sleep of the other female, while pressing her assets against his torso. She continued to slide up his body, putting emphasis to the grinding of her chest as Shirou felt the soft pricks of her buttons against him. Her face came dangerously close to his face as she licked her lips.

It should also be noted she kept her hand at the border of his groin. Close enough to excite, but not enough to satisfy.

"Well, Shirou-tan, tell Dago-nee what you want~"

*Scene*

For the past half an hour, Guinevere stood in front of her Master's door with her hand raised to announce her presence. But when she gained the courage to knock, the hand was suddenly shot down as her face blushed. She had to slap her cheeks, gather her confidence once again, and try to knock. But, once again, she would freeze as her mind drifted into the series of scenarios of walking in to wake her Master, she would begin fantasizing about what might happen once she stepped foot in his den.

One such event was currently played in her mind:

"Master, it's time to wake up," a Guinevere not dressed in her royal gown but in a plain maiden's dress with an apron akin to a normal housewife.

Her Master yawned, tossed around in his bed, and went back to bed.

"Mou~" pouted Guinevere as she approached, knelt down, and pulled back the sheets. "Master, you're going to be late."

One eye popped open as he lazily said, "It'll only be worth it if I have a morning kiss."

"K-K-K-K-Kiss?!" a flustered Guinevere blushed and looked away. One hand curled up over her lips while the other squeezed the hem of her dress. Shyly looking back at her Master with some hesitation, she nodded. "I-If it is only a k-k-k-kiss…"

And so she bent over, pecked his lips, lingered over his body for a while as their eyes met, and one kiss became another. Then another. And then their lips refused to part as they took the other in a passion she longed for. Their hands roamed around after grasping another. Sensual spots were grabbed and massaged. They both moaned in pleasure until they could no longer take it any longer.

"M-M-Master…?" Guinevere said after her Master had flipped her over onto the futon until he was on top of her. A crazed look in his eyes told her what he wanted. She hesitated, looked away as the embarrassment consumed her, but the passion was that much greater. Slowly lifting the skirt until the hem exposed her maidenhead, she gazed at her Master's eyes with tender love.

"If it is you, Master, I do not mind. It's my f-first, so… P-Please be g-g-g-gen—"

Guinevere all but punched herself to break out of that fantasy. Her face was flushed like a tomato and she was panting. She did not like her Master that way! Sure he was a kind-hearted boy with a fine body and gooey smile, but a boy nonetheless. She was a woman who had lived her entire life and had died of old age in a monastery— her Master was but a third her age. So what if she had been summoned as a twenty-year-old with a matching libido? Just because she was young and pretty once more did not mean she could use it to fool around. And so what if she no longer had the responsibility of the crown? She wouldn't take advantage of her Master like some harlot!

She wanted to love and be loved in return. Such was her wish in the Grail War…

For the record, this is about the ninth time she's had this conversation with herself. And like the other eight times, she would raise her fist, stop herself from knocking, and return to straightening her mind as another scenario popped into her head. The tenth time made no difference.

"Ara ara~" Her ears perked— more like suddenly honed in on the noise like a military-grade sensor— as she heard something on the other side of her Master's room. "Shirou-tan, you're so bold."

Guinevere recognized that voice belonging to the Court Jester, Dagonet. Oh the hell with hesitation now! No good ever comes out when Dagonet gets her claws set in something. EVER! If she could get Lancelot to joust in a dress then who knows what horrors she'll do onto their Master?!

"I-I'm sorry Dagonet-san! M-My hand just slipped b-because…"

"Ahn~" moaned the midget in pleasure. "What a strong grip! I don't mind, Shirou-tan~ It's pretty firm, isn't it? One of the benefits of being a Round. Squeeze to your heart's content, I don't mind~"

"D-Dagonet-san, this isn't right. We shouldn't be doing this…" pleaded their Master.

"Call me Dago-nee, o-nii-chan~"

"I-I don't think— A-A-Ah!"

"Call me Dago-nee, Shirou-tan, or I won't let go."

"D-D-D-Dago-nee!" Shirou nearly shouted in haste.

"Uu fu fu fu fu~" cackled the jester. "What a naughty boy, making me do something like that. I may have to punish you for it. I think I'll have a… chat with your little friend~"

"Eek!" a girlish squeal came from their Master. "Wait! Don't go down and… urk!"

The sound of an audible gasp was heard. There was a moment of silence. "O-Oh my… S-S-Shirou-tan… I… It's so wonderful I just might give it a kiss."

By this point Guinevere's ears were steaming like a kettle. Her eyes were wide as her body was pressed against the door as to not miss a single detail. The support of the barrier didn't stop her body from shaking though. Both her hands were cupped around her face. The scene playing through her mind's eye was just like scenario #3 earlier this morning featuring an S-Guinevere. It was so raunchy and… juicy she couldn't convince herself to interrupt. This was so much better than her novels! At the same time, it was too much for her to take.

"Guinevere."

"DON'T BUTTER THEM LIKE THAT!" shrieked Guinevere as her… fantasies escalated beyond what was really happening.

Sir Percival gave no reaction as the mind-reading strategist already knew what was happening with but a glance, probably better than Guinevere did even as she had listened to the entire thing. Then again, anyone could piece things together with the flustered look Guinevere was radiating. He merely adjusted the position of his lenses with the tip of Clarent, still keeping it in his grasp and away from Mordred, who was still following him around.

Arthur, meanwhile, just let the tick-mark surface. She didn't try this time to suppress it, just let it pop there. "Guinevere, what are you doing?"

However, Guinevere never had the chance to think of an excuse. A sharp intake of air from Sir Percival got everyone to draw their attention towards him. The ever collective Knight had paled with his widened eyes locked through the space behind the door.

"…No," his voice was so quiet with despair it was almost missed. "It's… impossible…"

In haste, Sir Percival pushed Guinevere aside and slammed the door open.

The sight would have been amusing if under other circumstances. Shirou bound by a black-haired girl holding onto both his arms while Dame Dagonet was doing that to his lower region with her hair. The Master's eyes popped wide but not in fear but in hope and desperation for someone to save him. Dagonet, meanwhile, stopped her teasing and sat up.

Again, it would have been amusing if the four outside didn't have their attention drawn to the black-haired girl.

"N-No…" whispered Guinevere.

"How the fuck…?" hissed Mordred.

"…" Arthur said nothing as the raging headache began to pound her head. As was her natural reaction, her hand rushed to her brow.

Sir Percival fell to his knees; Clarent clattering on the ground. The world seemed to darken as a spotlight positioned itself over his cameo akin to a dramatic play. "All hope is lost… She… She lives…"

Suddenly, there was a storm of multi-colored dust as every remaining member of the Round Table— sans Sir Lancelot— materialized within Shirou's bedroom. Sir Percival's words of despair had been heard throughout the entire manor and so they sought to see for themselves.

"WHAT?!" they all roared in outrage, shock, disbelief, and grief.

Their surprise was so great none of them could see Shirou bite his lips as his Circuits flared to life or that Guinevere gripped her chest as she was halving his pain through her Noble Phantasm.

The center of attention began to yawn, stretch, and sit up as she wiped the tears out of her eyes. Blinking a few times, she looked around the room. Seeing everyone, she gave the brightest of smiles that transcended the radiance of the sun.

It hurt so much to look at it. It also hurt when she spoke.

"Mornin' gents!" Her accent was heavily English. Like the overly dramatic and exaggerated English found only in movies. "Oi, beh a gewd dai o'dai ta ya'll."

Shirou had NO idea what she had said. None.

"G-Galahad," Sir Bedivere began to question with a shaky voice. "How did you... survive?"

"Yes, please tell us," Sir Percival's eyes narrowed as a murderous intent oozed out of his skin. If the room was dark before from his depression, it became even darker as this miasma of assured death lingered over him like a second skin.

The black-haired girl, who was apparently Sir Galahad, clapped her hands together and smiled even more brightly. Her ahoge bobbled as she bounced around in excitement. "Oye t'was de blessin' o' de Lord, dat it t'was! De miracle o' resurrection! Oye was gran' de Sacri' Chalice, dat I was, as meh Nobah Phantusm!"

Heads turned towards Percival as no one understood what she just said. It was really like she was speaking a different language. Come to think about it… how was she speaking botched English in Japanese?

Sir Percival had a moment to himself in the corner as he pressed one hand against the wall to support himself while the other was cupping over his brows. "You were summoned… with that Grail as your Noble Phantasm?"

"Aye!" Galahad's teeth were practically sparkling at this point. She would have been cute with her large eyes, fists under her chin, and shining light out of her mouth if not for her voice…

"Hold a moment," Sir Bors interjected. "You mean that Grail we all scrambled for is your bloody Noble Phantasm? But… wasn't it…" He coughed into his hand before finishing his sentence.

"…So she used a miracle of resurrection to bring herself back to life?" inquired Sir Gareth.

"How the hell is that fair?" groaned Sir Kay.

"We were so close…" Even the elder Sir Lucan couldn't help but give a heavy sigh.

"That still doesn't explain anything!" Sir Percival recovered as he went back to interrogating the female Knight. "I had my suspicions that God Himself wouldn't make it this easy for me to be rid of you! Especially since you didn't fade away when stabbed by that Noble Phantasm. I just thought it was some ludicrously ranked Battle Continuation. So how the hell did you not drown when I threw you over the bridge?!"

Shirou laughed nervously at this. He had seen Sir Percival drag Galahad's body towards the edge of the Fuyuki Bridge when they were about to go home, tie the body with some of the coiled wiring that had been cut by Berserker's launching swords, and attach several chunks of cement. Seriously, there wasn't a part on Galahad that wasn't covered in wiring. There was no way she could have moved. And, with the help of a few Knights that had seen what he was doing, they had tossed her over the bridge and into the bottom of the river.

…And with Sir Tristain firing not one, not two, but three of his arrows. Apparently his vacuum blades even applied when underwater. Shirou also didn't know how much marine life there was down there, but judging by the fact that the river had turned red, there probably wasn't much now. Kind of a bit of overkill if you ask him.

Yet, despite their actions, here was Galahad without a scratch on her.

"Aye call't Solly tah fish meh out, oh!" answered Galahad with yet another blinding smile. Seriously, it was like she couldn't stop smiling.

"…'Solly'?" King Arthur turned her head towards the speckled Knight for his translation.

There was a moment of silence as Sir Percival was busy rubbing the sinuses between his eyes. "Solomon, the ferry which transported us to Sarras. She's saying that monstrosity of a dragon we had to fight is another one of her Noble Phantasms."

Heads turned back towards Galahad. The Knight in question merely tilted her head slightly while keeping her brilliant smile. It was an unbelievably adorable expression. Except no one other than Shirou thought it was cute. Every member of the Round Table was giving her looks which said they wanted to gouge her eyes out.

"So you have the Grail," Sir Percival sighed as he began to count off what Noble Phantasms Galahad held. "You have the shield of Joseph. You have a dragon created by *Heaven itself*. Is there anything else you have that we should know about?"

Galahad tilted her head back, tapped a tiny finger on her chin, and hummed to herself in thought. Her face brightened up (if it was possible at this point) and returned towards Sir Percival. "Ya! Mah tiddle o' Siege Perilous!"

There was a sound of glass breaking in the background. But try as Shirou looked to find where it came from, the only thing he saw that shattered was Sir Percival's face. Several tick-marks appeared all over his head, beating angrily and so large Shirou was worried they were about to burst.

Calmly, but with much suppressed anger, Sir Percival spoke with his eyes closed. "S-Siege Perilous, eh? I-I see… I see…"

Broken, he began cackling to himself causing everyone to take a few steps away. Even Shirou scooted away. He had barely known Sir Percival for a few hours' worth, but he had known the Knight was always calm, always collective, always capable of analyzing the full situation and reacting professionally. Sir Percival didn't strike him as the type to be easily surprised; often he was the one doing the surprising with his cryptic comebacks that were meant to be understood only by the intended.

And then Shirou felt absolute dread consume him as Percival's eyes met his. "Master," he began with such a sweet voice it could only taste like death. "We are going to battle immediately until there is not an enemy Servant remaining. And once they are dealt with, then we can settle the matter of which one of us gain the Grail through a normal tournament. And once I am victorious, I shall be the Siege Perilous."

He fixed his glasses. "I believe it would be best to start with those Archers. They seem to be the biggest threat, especially that one with the Anti-World Last Phantasm..." He paused as he thought about his plan of attack some more. "…And the Vampire. I didn't like his eyes… No! That God Slayer who captured the King's heart. He can take our abilities. Or… the one with the sunglasses… yes… the most dangerous and lethal of the group…"

"Ehhhhh?" Galahad broke his strategy of war. "But Percy! Thar beh on'leh un Siege Perilous an' ah'm it! Der can'd beh two!"

Percival kept his eyes closed as he stood as still as a statue. But blood began to drip down his nose…

The doorbell rang and was heard being open. "Good morning, Sempai!" called Sakura as she entered the hallway. Her footsteps were heard as she already knew he wasn't in the kitchen and was starting to look for him in his room.

Which was currently packed with overly muscular pseudo gods.

"E-Everyone!" Shirou gave a hoarse yelp— a cross between shouting and whispering at the same time. He brought his pants back up and began waving at everyone. "Hide! Disappear! Vanish! Just go! Go, go, go!"

They listened without question and dispersed into prana particles, including Dagonet and Galahad. Well, almost everyone. Arthur remained in his room as she claimed to lack the ability to go into spirit form. Sir Percival was still dripping blood and couldn't have heard him. Mordred was in his shadow, though inching ever so slowly back towards Clarent. And Guinevere was fuming at him with narrowed brows and puffed cheeks for some reason— he thought only Fuji-nee did something like that at that age.

At the least it was the minimum amount of people to support without having his Circuits lighting up.

Shirou panicked and didn't know what to do. Sakura would be upon his room in a matter of seconds! He could hear her approach, drawing closer and closer!

"S-Sakura!" Shirou took the initiative and practically teleported out of his room, opened the door, slid through, and shut it all within a single bound. Only a sharp eye could have seen him move. "G-Good morning!"

He gave his usual nervous laugh while scratching the back of his head, sweat falling down from his brow.

Sakura was startled by his actions, but didn't react as far as tilting her head in concern. "Sempai? Is everything all right? Is there something…?" Her attention started to divert towards the door behind him.

"Nope! Nothing wrong at all!" He gave her an assuring smile while turning her by her shoulders and pushing her down the hall. "Why don't you get breakfast started? It's your turn isn't it? I'll be with you in a bit. Just need to tidy my things, wash up, change my clothes, you know, all that. Ah ha ha ha…"

A second later, Shirou was back in his room sliding down against the door he just shut, and gave a very tired sigh. His eyes moved towards the Servant still roaming around in their physical forms. Arthur was sitting sieza style near his bed (someone had folded the sheets in his absence), Guinevere was doing the same but hugging his pillow while still fuming at him, Percival had a napkin pressed into his nose as he sat in a corner, and Mordred had her arms crossed as she leaned against the wall furthest from everyone.

He waited until he could hear the clattering of cooking ware before speaking up. "I don't want Sakura involved in this War. She's a friend of mine and I care for her very much. So please stay here until she leaves. I'm sorry if it sounds rude, but I think it's for the best."

"C-Cares for her very much… Hmph!" Guinevere muttered just loud enough for him to hear before burying her face into his pillow.

"No, that is understandable," Arthur gave him a nod. "It would be unfortunate should she find out about the Grail War, especially since you lack the ability to erase her memories. I do not favor killing innocents."

"R-Right," Shirou gulped. "I appreciate it." With that, he gathered a set of his school uniform and went to the bathroom.

Meanwhile, as Shirou departed, Guinevere popped her head and looked around. "Pardon, but does anyone know the location of Dagonet? I've words to share with the imp."

"She astralized, I believe," replied Arthur.

"…You believe," Sir Percival said aloud.

*Scene*

"Ah, much better," Shirou walked out of the bathroom after having doing his morning routine and setting himself into some fresh clothes. By this point he was starting to get hungry and the smell of Sakura's cooking was lulling him towards the kitchen. And while he was bathing, Fuji-nee had arrived and did her usual lounging by the table— eagerly waiting to devour her daily sacrifice. No, not meal. Sacrifice. Whatever was put in front of Fuji-nee was inhaled without a single taste.

"Good morning Fuji-nee," Shirou said to his guardian as he entered the dining area.

"Good morning Shi— Gwah!" Fujimura Taiga began to choke on her morning coffee as something she had seen behind Shirou forced her to take a bad gulp.

"Hm?" Shirou blinked and dared to turn around to see what was the matter. He hoped a rat hadn't entered his…

His skin began to crawl as sweat flooded out. He wished it was a rat. Hell, he wished it was an infestation of them. Instead…

"Onii-chan~" Dagonet wrapped her arms around his waist as she held onto him tightly. Her previous mature expression had been exchanged for that of a scared primary-schooler's. Tears threatened to fall down her cheeks and her breasts seemed to have shrunk. But Shirou couldn't tell for certain. She was dressed in his trademark blue and white long sleeve shirt.

And nothing else.

"Y-Y-You pwomised we would bathe together!" Dagonet's innocent eyes bore into his as she looked up at him. With her height and sudden decrease in bust size, as well as her altered high-pitch voice, she really pulled off the look of a child.

Shirou lacked the ability to function. His mouth hung upon as the nerves working his jaw muscles just sizzled out. He wondered what cruel, sick, twisted god he must have pissed off to have this sort of luck.

Me, to answer his question, as you'll find out why later on because it involves my gorgeous Blood Knight. And pissed I am.

Taiga wasn't faring any better. She was staring in disbelief at the sight before her. Her mind couldn't work the right way to figure if she was imagining things or if this was real.

Sakura had the worst of it. Not only had life escaped the husk that was her body, but her very existence as well. She was frozen solid as Gaia couldn't register her progress with a horrified, hollow look expressed throughout her very being. The pancake she was flipping was suspended in time. No, seriously. It was just floating there halfway through its flip. Her shock was so great she was producing Fifth Magic unconsciously.

Must be a Tohsaka thing. Rin had a similar experience two chapters ago.

"SSSSHHHHIIIIIRRRRRRROOOOOOOUUUUUUUUU!" the great beast that was Fujimura Taiga roared with a thirst for blood as she leapt over the table and was upon Shirou faster than the blink of an eye. "WHAT UNSPEAKABLE ILLEGAL THINGS HAVE YOU BEEN UP TO?!"

"F-Fuji-nee it's not what it looks like!" were the foolish and cliché words Shirou chose to reply with. The very words used in hundreds of similar scenarios with not one of them working.

"Onii-chan she's scawy," Dagonet began to cry. "A-Almost as scawy as last night. W-Will it get better if I clench like you said?"

Silence. Absolute silence as quiet and void of life as the dank darkness of space. For ten seconds, the laws enforced by Gaia were nulled. Then again, this statement may be moot as Gaia also has direct say in the perspective of time. Years could have flown by during this gap.

But things didn't stop there. Oh no. I am not known as a merciful being when a certain red-haired SOMEBODY touches my things, even if they haven't happened yet.

"Onii-chan," Dagonet tugged on his shirt once more. "Can I have a gwass of water? That white stuff you made me dwink this morning was gross."

Death. Shirou began choking on a presence intoxicating the air. There was a sudden weight throughout his entire being as though he was swimming in an ocean of blood. It took every ounce of his strength to turn his body towards the source of this malevolence.

To his grand confusion, the source of such darkness was coming from Sakura. The amount of killing intent wasn't just being unleashed onto him like a flood, but she had more to spare as the intent was sharpening the spatula in her hand. The ordinary kitchen utensil was becoming a cursed weapon of sentience with the desire to drink his blood…

… Much like Torashinai.

And the smile she was giving him belonged only to a demon. It was intensified as he could have sworn he was seeing large clumps within the veins on her face start to wiggle. But he wasn't so sure, as the dark aura surrounding her was clouding her image.

"Shirou~" Taiga eventually started to recover. Though her killing intent was nothing compared to Sakura's, it was still fearsome enough to get Shirou's attention. Her presence was masked with that of a tiger ready to lunge for the kill. It also didn't help that Torashinai was somehow in her grip when it was in the other room the entire time.

"DIVINE RETRIBUTION!" Taiga brought her kendo sword down without holding back. Empowered with the thirst for blood having inflicted much woe in its opponents as well as the masterful handling of its master, the bamboo sword was elevated for this one strike to that of an E-Ranked Noble Phantasm.

Except the attack was stopped before any force could have gathered as a pair of fingers were pressed against the shaft.

"I apologize for the behavior of my… colleague," Sir Percival dressed in some of Kiritsugu's clothes— a long sleeve button-up, slacks, and blazer. How he had been able to find them and put them on within a few minutes was a mystery best left for another time. Right now, he gave a charming smile to the startled teacher as he used his other hand to fix the position of his glasses. "She sometimes doesn't know when enough is enough."

Taiga backpedaled as she recovered from the impossibility of someone blocking her attack before it could have been built up. She also hadn't been able to detect his presence… although that might be because all of her fury was drawn towards Shirou. She pointed a finger at the stranger while readying her weapon should mentioned stranger try anything.

"Who are you?!" she demanded.

The tension began to die down as Sakura calmed herself. But her eyes narrowed in distrust as the timing of this person suddenly arriving was too convenient. She didn't want to believe it, but she had sensed the presence of a Servant within the house. Without a doubt this person was such. But it wasn't like she could do anything about it. Lancer was ordered to remain at the Matou manor; she didn't want her Sempai involved in the War. But… it turns out it was too late. It ached her how the one she loved might become her enemy.

Meanwhile Shirou was still sweating, unsure whether the arrival of Sir Percival was a lifesaver or another can of worms.

"Ah, please forgive me," Sir Percival gave a light smile as he gave a formal bow. "I am Percy eu Pendragon, but a humble bodyguard of the current head of the Pendragon lineage. And this," he gestured towards Dagonet, "is one of the servants who accompanied us, who has quite the taste in vulgar behavior. I apologize for her greatly misleading attempt of a joke. We had hoped to not disturb the normal practices of this house."

Dagonet cackled to herself, also refusing to let go of Shirou's waist.

"…We?" Taiga's eyes narrowed and then moved towards Shirou's direction.

Shirou began to sweat more. He had no idea how he was going to explain this one.

"I believe it would be best if all of us gathered for proper introductions and explanations," Percival gave one nod. "Please pardon me while I go and fetch my lord. I believe he was still preparing for the morning."

Sir Percival left Shirou alone with the two women who wanted his blood, not without dragging Dagonet with him, thankfully. But it was a few agonizing seconds of isolation that Shirou felt helpless.

"There better be a good reason for this, Shirou," grounded out Taiga. "Who are these people? How did they get here? What are they doing here? How do you know them?"

"F-Fuji-nee," pleaded Shirou. "I… Well… You see... They… Ah…" He began to laugh nervously while scratching his head.

Something Taiga was not pleased with.

Luckily, it didn't take long for Sir Percival to return with some of the other Servants in tow. Arthur was dressed in some of Shirou's clothes— a white button-up short-sleeve with dark blue jeans and her hair was redone into a ponytail; Guinevere in a white blouse with a purple skirt (which was the only female clothes belonging to Kiritsugu… for what reason Shirou didn't want to know) while still wearing her tiara; and Mordred had one of his shirts tied in a knot up to her chest with a pair of jean shorts. Thankfully Dagonet was not with them.

Mordred and Guinevere could go into spirit form. Shirou had no idea what they were doing here.

"Allow me to give introductions," announced Sir Percival. "First may I present to you the current head of the Ancient and Most Noble House of Pendragon, Arthur Pendragon."

"It is a pleasure to meet you," King Arthur responded with a graceful bow; a hand over her heart and tipping over while keeping her gaze locked on Taiga. A very western form of greeting.

"His dear sister, Juniper les Pendragon."

"A pleasure to make your acquaintance," Guinevere gave an elegant curtsey fitting one of nobility.

"And a close relative belonging to the branch family, Morgan."

"…" Mordred gave no greeting whatsoever.

"Mord— Morgan, do not be rude. We are guests," chastised Arthur.

Mordred's scowl furthered but she sighed and gave in after a stern look from Guinevere and Percival as well. She looked at Taiga. "Hi. Nice to meet you," she said with much force.

"Eh…" Taiga was at a loss, having felt inadequate for some reason as not only were each of these supposed guests were absolutely gorgeous but they had this regal bearing about them that made her feel so… lame. Regardless, she gathered herself and gave a nervous introduction. "Ah ha… F-Fujimura Taiga. I am that boy's guardian."

"And who might this young lady be?" asked Guinevere towards Sakura.

The purple-haired girl put up a smile as she moved away from the counter. "Matou Sakura," she gave an eastern bow just to be polite.

"I am terribly sorry for the disturbance of one of my servants," Arthur began. "We hope we didn't disrupt anything. It appears you were about to gather for breakfast."

"Oh don't worry about it," Taiga gave a very fake laugh. "In fact why don't you join us? I'm sure there's plenty we need to talk about."

She said that last part to Shirou, who gulped.

Sakura, meanwhile, gave a slight sigh. She would have to make more food.

*Scene*

"Oh… now I see," Taiga nodded in understanding. "You came here to see Kiritsugu."

With the combined persuasions of Percival's attention to detail of Taiga's reactions, Guinevere's charm, and Arthur's charisma they had been able to have a serious conversation with the foster guardian.

The story was the Pendragon family had business dealings with Kiritsugu in the days of his youth before coming to Japan. They assured there hadn't been anything illegal but couldn't also confirm what these things were as it involved family affairs. Still, even without directly seeing Kiritsugu once he moved to Japan, the Pendragon family kept communications with him. However, due to certain problems involving who rules the Pendragon name after the death of the previous, they hadn't been able to follow through with communications for some tie. Once Arthur was old enough to become the head and had settled matters, he had tried to get back in contact with some of the family resources left by his father.

When Kiritsugu had never responded, he sought to find the man himself. Such was why he came to Japan and brought his entourage with him.

Shirou had no idea how Sir Percival had been able to come up with such a story in such a short amount of time. Or how he had been able to gather this information about Kiritsugu such as the man's mysterious past when he traveled all over the globe. Or how Arthur had been able to fill in the gaps that Sir Percival hadn't been able to figure out.

Mordred never added to the conversation, only devour everything much in the same way Taiga had… only several times more in quantity.

"Yes, it was most… unfortunate to find he had grown ill and passed away," Arthur bowed her head, though not in mourning. She was… conflicted with the knowledge of her former Master fathering her current. She was also conflicted whether she should understand the man or continue to scorn him. If Kiritsugu did know about the Grail she could understand why she was ordered to destroy it.

"We came unannounced late in the evening," continued Guinevere. "Simple lounging at an inn would have sufficed, but M— Sir Shirou insisted we stay. He was most convincing and would have been rude of us to refuse his kindness. You do not see that often, especially towards complete strangers."

"We had also thought he could have used the company," Percival gave his input. "He told us he lived alone since Sir Emiya passed on. But I do believe we all misunderstood his wording and hadn't expected anyone to arrive in the morning. Had we known we would have introduced ourselves properly and have avoided that unfortunate misunderstanding."

"Yeah, Shirou can be a little thick-headed sometimes," nodded Taiga in understanding. "So how long do you plan on staying here?"

"Fuji-nee, that's kind of rude," Shirou stated.

"No, we are the ones at fault here," responded Arthur. "We do not know as we also have business in Fuyuki. Merely learning about Kiritsugu has… rearranged our schedule. We expected to be here for no longer than a week. However… due to unforeseen circumstances which were brought to us when arriving… I fear we will be in Japan a little longer."

"You see," Percival jumped in to clarify Arthur's abstract reasons when she began to mix matters of the War with the fabricated story. "We were expecting to regain communications with Kiritsugu for a matter of importance taking place here in Japan. Normally we would have sent a message but Sire Pendragon felt it would be more… professional to come in person. And so we waited until an opportunity arose in which we could leave the Pendragon house.

"It so happens we were summoned for a conference gathering most of the remaining nobility, purebloods, and political figures within our… community, for lack of a better word. Little petty political nonsense, honestly, to which the House of Pendragon never had an interest in before. However, because it was being hosted here in Japan, we saw it as an opportune moment to leave. Sire Pendragon was going to make his debut as the current head of our family. But it would have been in our favor to have the aid of the previous head of the Emiya name."

Saber held back a minor shiver. She had her misgivings about Kiritsugu sure, but she could not deny that having the man on her side now would be a tremendous boon to her fighting force. All things considered, he as a Master was a more effective Assassin than any of the servants on her team under the class itself.

"We are sorry for the loss of a good man," continued Guinevere. "Our parents made mention of him every so often. I can't say I knew what kind of man he was, but they always revered him in good light."

"Be that as it may," began Taiga, "I don't think I can allow you to stay here. Even if you knew Kiritsugu, you are complete strangers."

"Fuji-nee," Shirou spoke up since the beginning of the conversation. "I trust them. To be honest, and maybe it's because they knew dad better than you and I did, but they feel like family to me. I can't put them on the streets. They mean well.

Sir Percival gave a melodious laugh before Taiga could counter. "Oh don't worry about it, Master Emiya. She doesn't mean it. She's just sore because I shamed her skill with the sword."

"P-Percival!" hissed Arthur in both shock and warning, throwing out the use of his alias altogether.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY?!" The tiger jumped out of her seat as her credibility had just been challenged. "You just got me off-guard!"

"Oh?" Percival laughed some more. "I am afraid that's where you're wrong, Fujimura. You follow a predetermined pattern long before you even begin to strike. The spacing of your feet, the angle of your torso, the height of your shoulders— these little things allowed me to see from which angle you were about to strike as well as how much power you could put into it. I doubt you could have hit me in a fair match. Such a shame…"

"P-Percy, I think that's enough," Guinevere tried to keep her smile.

"IT'S ON!" Taiga slammed her fists onto the table. "Let's have at it! Right here, right now!"

"Fujimura-sensei," Sakura spoke up after calmly sipping her tea, completely unfazed by any of this. She had already figured 'Percy' and 'Juniper' were the manipulative types. "Aren't you going to be late? Didn't you say there was a teacher's meeting this morning?"

"O-Oh…" Taiga seemed to calm down for a moment. "About that. It's been canceled, as well as school. With everything happening this morning I forgot to tell you two. There was an explosion in the forest behind the school caused by some gas leak. Completely blew out the windows and did some exterior damage. They're doing repairs today and should be fine by tomorrow."

"R-R-Really?" Shirou did his best to pretend nothing was wrong. "I-Imagine that. I hope no one was hurt."

"But that's not important," Taiga waved it off as her ire returned back to Percival. "You! How dare you insult me like that?!"

Sir Percival stood and adjusted his lenses once more. "Very well then, I do accept your challenge. But I believe this area is a little too cramped. Shall we take this to the… what was it called, Master Emiya? Dojo?"

"Y-Yeah," Shirou nodded. He couldn't believe this was really happening.

"But before that," Percival put up a hand. "I propose a little wager. If I win, you allow us to remain as guests of Master Emiya's hospitality for as long as he permits it. And if you win, then we will be out of here within the end of the hour and you will never hear of us ever again."

Taiga eyed him suspiciously. "And if I refuse?"

"Surely you don't doubt your skill with the sword?" Sir Percival tilted his head just enough to taunt her. "Or… perhaps I was wrong in my assumptions and you're but a mediocre practitioner?"

"IT'S ON FOUR EYES!"

*Scene*

It wasn't so much of a match as it was Percival bullying Fuji-nee. He started by announcing what moves she was about to perform before she could so much as twitch. Even as she suddenly changed strategies he announced her feints. He took it a step further as he began to, somehow, announce her thoughts. It got so frustrating that Taiga started swinging madly… and even then Percival said aloud what direction each swing was going to come from.

He let the match draw out for as long as possible, either easily dodging her attacks with the absolute minimum amount of effort or negating her strikes before they could be produce power. All the while keeping his charming smile.

Finally Percival decided enough was enough and struck her openings. The once proud and undefeated kendo master was bested. She was treated like a child at that. Her students might make fun of her, the teachers might say things about her behind her back, and her father's men might treat her like some princess, but the one thing she could take pride in was her excellence in swordplay. Yet Percival humiliated her at what she was best at.

It left her crying and running out the door, and then running some more down the street. Who knows where she ran off to?

"…Don't you think that was a little much?" asked Arthur.

Percival didn't respond other than to fix his glasses in a manner to have them sparkling in the sunlight.

Sakura stayed a little longer to clean up the kitchen with Shirou helping her. None of the Servants bothered them as they figured it was their moment to be alone. Anyone with a brain could have figured out Sakura had feelings for Shirou with the way her eyes always went towards him. However, with the intelligence of a single-celled ameba, Shirou just thought her staring at him was one of Sakura's quirks. He did, however, also question why Guinevere was staring at him so intently from the couch.

Single. Celled. Ameba.

When Sakura left claiming she had errands to run, Shirou went straight for King Arthur. The female King was sitting on the porch by herself as she was admiring the peace of her surroundings.

"Saber," Shirou called.

"Shirou," she greeted with a nod and a thin smile. Seeing the seriousness of the look he was giving her, her smile dropped. "What is it?"

Shirou fell to his knees and bowed with his brow pressing against the wooden floor. "Please teach me how to fight."

"…I hope this is not because of Sir Percival's misconduct with your guardian," she sighed.

"No, it has nothing to do with that," he lifted his head but remained on his knees. "I've never felt so… weak since finding myself in the Holy Grail War. I know I'll never be able to match a Servant in combat. I'm not delusional enough to think I can. But how can I call myself a hero if I can't even protect myself? How do I expect to save others when I can't even stand on my own? I was killed once and almost a second time by the same Servant before you arrived. And then when Berserker was attacking, in that moment when we looked at another, I knew I was going to die right there and there was nothing I could do about that. I don't want power to kill, Saber. I need power to change things. If I could have just that… I could have been able to save a few lives last night…"

A sharp pain went through Arthur's being as she recalled how a few of her good men were slain by Berserker. Sagramore, Balin, Caradoc, and Breunor. Even Galahad would have been defeated were it not for her Noble Phantasm. She understood Shirou's feelings. However she doubted he would have made a difference if he were properly trained. Berserker was a heightened being powered by the wishes of humanity. Shirou was just human.

Just human…? Those 'Emiya Shirou' of the Tohsaka Master had claimed to be 'just human' with the exception of the Archer and the supposed vampire. Yet not one of them had died. Most had joined in battling Berserker and survived. One of them even pushed her out of the way and took a hit for her. She recalled how he called for her name, how he pushed him with his strong hands and that immaculate armor, how he saved her from utmost peril or at least a grievous wound, and how he continued to worry about her safety after the damage had been done.

She was blushing and she didn't know why.

"I understand your predicament," began Arthur. "However I do not believe it is best for me to teach you this. Perhaps you should seek tutelage from your other selves."

"You really think so?" Shirou began to think about it…

"Oi, prat!" the door leading back inside the manor was slammed open. Mordred strolled out and crossed her arms with an impatient look on her face. "I'm bored! Feed me!"

… Didn't they just have breakfast? She's bored so she wants to eat? Well, Shirou fathomed, it was better than having her rampaging throughout town looking for a Servant to fight or trying to steal back Clarent.

"Mordred," Arthur stood and approached the betrayer Knight. "I'll warn you only one time. We are guests here. Do not burden our Master with trivial things, especially when Servants do not require sustenance."

Mordred looked her way, cocked a brow, and then returned her gaze back towards Shirou.

"Eh… it's alright," Shirou got up and began to pace back towards the entrance. "It'll be noon anyways by the time I finish. Hmm… I might have to go to the market if I'm going to have enough food for everyone."

"E-Everyone?" Arthur was startled. "Surely you don't mean to feed all of your Servants, Shirou."

"Well, why not?" Shirou asked with genuine curiosity. "You're all guests here. I might not be able to fight just yet, but I can at least do this much for you."

"Well there you have it, Arthur," snickered Mordred as she moved back inside. "Our Master doesn't seem to have a problem with it."

"…But only if you make yourself useful," Shirou added on.

Mordred stopped walking, spun, and gave him a dead stare. "Come again?"

Shirou might be a pushover, but that only applied to the people he cared for. So he was willing to go along with Mordred's demand, but not without a cost. "Everyone has to do something to earn their keep. Since you want food, then you're going to have to help me."

"You expect me, a Servant, to stoop so low as to do menial tasks!" argued Mordred. "Outrageous! As the Master you're the one who's supposed to support us!"

Shirou sighed. "Fine, fine. Then don't eat. Just stay in your spirit form while everyone else does."

Arthur began to smile. She was seeing where this was going.

"Why should they get to eat when I don't?!" bickered Mordred as she shook a fist at Shirou.

"Because they already earned their keep," answered Shirou with calm. He then blinked and began to think. "But… You and Dagonet might get to spend time together. I don't think she'll be getting a meal with—"

"NO!" a shriek of woe came behind him as something suddenly crashed onto his back. He almost lost his footing. A pair of slender arms wrapped around him as he felt something soft press against him. "Dago-nee is sorry! She wants food too!"

Shirou laughed at this. "Only if you behave yourself and promise to not do anything like what you did this morning… And no tricks," he added shortly.

Dagonet said nothing. Her body tensed as she continued to hang on Shirou's back. "…Fine," she pouted and slid off.

"Even the dwarf gets to eat?!" Mordred became furious.

"Uu fu fu fu fu~" cackled said 4'9 Knight while she latched herself to Shirou's arm. At least this time she was dressed in some of Shirou's older clothes. He didn't even know he still had such attire since the years of being in primary school. Even more scary how she fit into them so perfectly.

Also, where the hell were these people finding these things?!

"Well Mordred, I'm off to the market," Shirou entered the manor and began to head towards the front entrance to retrieve his shoes. "Saber, any recommendations?"

"The men like their meat," was all she said.

"Hmm… I think there's a sale today on Salisbury steaks. Alright. I'll see what else I can pick up to go along with it."

Guinevere looked up from her conversation from Sir Percival on the couch. Whatever they had been talking about was serious as the moment the group entered the den did they immediately stop talking. Sir Percival had been subtle about it and had continued flipping through the newspaper in front of him while Guinevere had failed in said subtlety as she began coughing from her tea.

"Guinevere, everything alright?" asked Shirou when he rounded the corner.

"J-J-Just fine, M-Master," Guinevere did her best to recover her grace but had failed as her voice wheezed. After a few more coughs she was able to clear her throat. "Is something the matter?"

"No, nothing," he assured her. "Just heading off to the market. I'll be gone for only a bit."

"The market?" she inquired further. "Master, are you fully aware we Servants do not require sustenance? I believe your stock will last you and what guests that may visit for quite some time."

"And how do you know this, Juniper?" Percival asked aloud while most of his interest was absorbed in the funnies section of all things.

Guinevere began to blush and refused to answer. She was only curious if her Master had snacks to go along with the tea. She didn't mean to search through every nook and cranny within the kitchen even after finding a box of biscuits. Only nosy housewives do that. Not her.

"Keep telling yourself that…" the mind-reading strategist said aloud, causing her to blush further.

"…I've no idea what's going on so I'm going to go ahead and go," said Shirou.

"It would probably be for the best," responded Arthur. "Though… perhaps it would be best if someone accompany you… other than Dagonet. We are currently in the middle of a war. There may be an unspoken rule about not engaging in daylight, I would feel better if someone more capable would go along."

"I nominate Mordred," once more from the peanut gallery did Percival speak up. The glare he was receiving from the homunculus was noted. As though he could grasp it, he made a gesture as to catch her 'glare' and store it away in one of his coat pockets. This caused Mordred's glare to intensify.

"…Anyone but Mordred," sighed Arthur as she felt the headache start to return.

"I actually encourage it," Percival put the newspaper down and turned around to face them. "Perhaps it would be a good idea to let her get some air for a bit. Not only will she get the freedom to wander around but maybe this will teach her respect. Our most gratuitous Master is spending his free time to prepare us all a meal at his own expense. For free, in practicality."

"How did you know what I was going to do?" asked Shirou.

"Oh, I stared at Guinevere while she was ignoring my speech to eavesdrop on your conversation," he said with a shrug. Meanwhile the Queen's blush turned her into a tomato. "Does not know how to mask her emotions, this one. Now you should be off; I don't think that sale of sirloin will last until noon."

"…Salisbury," corrected Shirou through a shaky voice. He had been frightened Percival had been able to almost guess the entire conversation just by reading facial expressions. And there was also Guinevere who had been able to hear them, somehow. The house is rather quiet, but there was more than twenty feet from the kitchen to the yard. She shouldn't have been able to hear much.

"Hm? Salisbury? Oh, well, we can't all be perfect," Percival returned to his comic strips. Although he did conclude bitterly, "Not even me, the real Siege Perilous."

"I-I-I shall accompany you as well, M-M-Master!" Guinevere jumped to her feet after zoning out from one of her fantasies which included a trip to the market, some cooking oil drenching Mordred, Shirou slipping on said oil and falling on top of Mordred, and so on and so forth.

"…I don't really have to go, do I?" asked Mordred.

"Only if you want food," shrugged Shirou. "Those are my conditions. It's up to you if you want to follow them or not."

"…If I had Clarent we wouldn't be having this conversation," Mordred ground out through her teeth. Sir Percival flipped the page peculiarly loud enough to let her know his interest was in the paper and not her. "Fine. Whatever. I'll go. But only this once."

Happy she finally decided to listen, Shirou gave her a warm smile. "That's all I can ask for. Thank you, Mordred."

Mordred felt her face burn when looking at that smile. It seemed to glisten and light up the world. And not in the ridiculously annoying way Galahad's did. This one brought her… peace. "…Prat."

With Guinevere, Mordred, and Dagonet, they were off.

"Sir Percival," Arthur approached the speckled Knight with concern drawn on her face. "Might I have a word with you?"

"Certainly Your Majesty," said Percival, though he did not look up from the pages he wasn't even reading. He had overused his Pure Eyes and they were bothering him, even with the superior tolerance belonging to a Servant. Merlin's eye glasses only helped dull down their potency. As it was his curse to never deactivate them, he could only stare at something inanimate until the pain died down. But even then his eyes traced the crinkles of the paper and the sway of the shadows.

His blasted eyes even picked up the sound of footsteps.

"What was it you were sharing with Guinevere just now?" asked Arthur.

"What do you care?" he responded coldly. When he wasn't given a response he sighed, rubbed his sinuses, and faced his former King. "If you must know, I told her it would be best to not grow attached to our Master. You've seen the way she's lingering around him. At first it was harmless because she has the ability to ease his pain when they touch. But now it's starting to become something more. Just a small spark, but those could turn into roaring flames if ignored. We will only be here for a few weeks. We are not permanent residences of this era. Once matters with the Grail are completed, we will be returning to the Throne. Imagine what amount of pain the boy will go through should those two get too attached and she's suddenly swept away beyond his grasp."

He paused as he closed his eyes. His perception still analyzed the details of each flutter of his lids but he paid no attention to that. For a moment, he was lost in his own past. "Losing a loved one is the worst feeling in the world, Your Majesty. But it seems my warning was for naught. Guinevere still latches herself onto the boy."

Arthur continued to stare at Sir Percival with the face of the King— emotionless, unbending, as frozen as a porcelain mask. "…And what of Mordred? Why do you continue to protect her?"

"For the same reason why I keep Clarent away from you as much as I do from her," his response was just as emotionless. "Arthur, Mordred, I simply don't trust either of you."

The King's eyes narrowed. But she was willing to listen before judging.

So Sir Percival continued, "I admit I made a mistake when I told Mordred to reveal herself as your offspring. She wasn't ready. You weren't ready. But did I think she would lead a rebellion that would have Camelot toppled from the inside? No. At the same time, did I think you would continue with your path of empathy to be the perfect king? No. Through my carelessness I let two wrongs meet.

"Mordred never cared for the crown," he shrugged. "She adored you as a leader and began to love you when she was told you were her… father. That was all she ever wanted; your love. If you were the perfect king that you pretended to be, you would be able to understand the feelings of those you led. I could give you a long lecture about people and chess pieces— you know the one— but it's too late.

"You're not fit to rule, Arturia. But I cannot speak for the other Knights of the Round Table. If they wish to continue to follow you then that's their business. However in my eyes, you are not my king. I serve my Master and no more."

They locked eyes for a moment. Analytical met empathetic. None of them moved. Only King Arthur could be unreadable to the eyes of Sir Percival. And only Sir Percival's words could ever slip through her façade.

"Hmph," the speckled Knight folded the newspaper onto the table and dismissed himself into his spectral state, cutting off the conversation right there.

*Scene*

"Things are going to be tight this week…" groaned Shirou under his breath. In his arms were several pounds of ground meat, some frozen vegetables, and lots and lots of potatoes. A lunch of burger patties, steamed vegetables, and fries was on the menu on the recommendation of Dagonet and Guinevere. Guinevere was absolutely baffled by the idea of frying potatoes it was amusing to see such a childish look on her face.

It was almost worth the large gaping hole in his banking account. He even had to dig into the trust fund Kiritsugu left him. Just another thing to try and explain to Fuji-nee once she found out…

"I've a feeling this problem won't last long, Shirou-niisama," Dagonet continued with her façade of a little girl while carrying a single sack of potatoes in her arms.

Guinevere had suggested they carry the majority of the bags as they were Servants. Even Guinevere, who had the lowest ranking in Strength since the history of the War, was still stronger than Shirou and could life at least five times he could. She also said it would be best if Mordred did seeing as she was the strongest out of the three. But Shirou insisted on doing this himself and eventually they came to an agreement. The Servants would carry a few things while Shirou had the most.

Shirou turned his head towards the fully-grown woman but barely half his height, "What makes you say that? I hope you're not planning on doing something illegal…"

Before the jester could have answered, Shirou bumped into a group of girls as soon as he turned the corner. Shirou being distracted by Dagonet hadn't been able to see them coming and the girls had been running at full speed and didn't get the chance to stop their selves.

"Ah! I'm so… sorry…" Shirou began but let the sentence die out as he saw who it was he bumped into.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow," the young Master Illyasviel von Einzbern cried softly to herself as she rubbed her nose, where she had rammed into Shirou.

Assisting her back to her feet was the emotionless doll-like girl, the Servant Berserker. Rather than sporting her butterfly unitard, Berserker was dressed in ordinary brown shorts, striped stockings, and a light blue blouse. But she didn't forgo the butterfly pin that held her hair up. And the star-shaped Noble Phantasm was in her hands, altered to look like some sort of GPS tracking device with an antenna sticking up.

Guinevere tensed and put her hands on Shirou's arm. Dagonet chose to hide behind Shirou. Mordred, however, smirked and began cracking her knuckles.

"Um… hi," a frightened Shirou said aloud with a forced smile.

Illya looked up after patting her skirt… actually Shirou just noticed her attire was like a mirrored version of Guinevere's. Rather than a white blouse with a purple skirt, Illya's was a purple blouse with white skirt. They even had the same design style. "Oh, hello there Onii-chan. Are you the real deal this time or are you like Pervert-san?"

"Pervert-san?" questioned Shirou.

Berserker gave a small nod, "Yes. Earlier we encountered two; Pervert-niisan was roaming around with nee-sama. Nii-san is a lolicon and nee-sama an exhibitionist."

"N-Never mind that!" shouted Illya with a flustered face, having remembering what one of her brother's counterparts had tried to pull with her Berserker. "Berserker! The reading?!"

Berserker gave a slow blink before her eyes gazed down to the device in her hands. "It's still on the move, Goshujin-sama. Somewhere within this location… in the donut shop…"

"S-So you're not here to fight us?" asked a just as frightened Guinevere.

Illya shook her head. "There's an unspoken rule about fighting in the middle of the day. Besides…" Her mood became a little melancholy. "After what I found out about what Tenth-niisama revealed to me… I'm not so sure if I should…"

"…How droll," sneered Mordred as she crossed her arms.

Berserker looked at her Master for a moment, tilted her head ever so slightly, and decided for herself to finish where her Master left off. "Illyasviel-sama decided it would be best for us to investigate the condition of the Heaven's Feel Ritual. We found there is an influx of foreign energies unnatural to the proceedings of Gaia's influence."

"Uh huh…" nodded Shirou, although he didn't understand what it meant.

"Sapphire said it was the highest signature with the greatest purity since the Golden Age of the world!" Illya jumped in with her eyes sparkling. "This signature is older than the Age of Gods! Not only that but there are eight different signatures across Fuyuki! We're on our way right now to the nearest one!"

"Wait," Shirou finally caught on. "So you mean you may have found the reason why this… Grail War is so… botched? And when you say the signature is moving… Does that mean it might be a person? Like a… god?"

Highest potency with the greatest purity? An energy signature unnatural to Gaia? It might be that man— that divine being, Shirou corrected himself— who invaded his dreams and altered his Circuits. If so, he might be able to get to the bottom of this and inform his other selves.

"Let me go with you," Shirou more so demanded than asked. "If this is what I think it is, then there's something I need to say to him."

"Him?" a few voices asked with mixed emotions.

"Goshujin-sama," Berserker interrupted, "the signature has just reached the front desk and is about to leave."

…The god was actually buying something from a donut shop?

"Ohhhhh!" Illya scrunched her face in thought but then flung her fists around. "Fine! But don't slow me down! This is something huge! Come Berserker!" With that, she and her Servant took off running towards the energy signature.

"Sorry Mordred," Shirou said before handing what bags he had onto the blonde homunculus and running off with with Illya and Berserker.

"M-Master! Wait!" Guinevere dumped her share on Mordred as well and ran after Shirou.

"D-Don't leave me alone with her!" Dagonet followed the routine, abandoning Mordred more out of fear than anything.

Said homunculus, however, had several tick-marks sprouting around her brow. She had half a mind to just dump everything and give her Master a piece of mind. But then she wouldn't be able to have any food. So, with a huff, she hauled everything over her shoulders and began to retreat back to the manor. She'll just have to convince Gareth to take the kitchen duty, which she no doubt the Fair Hands would love to do.

*Scene*

"Excuse me."

"Oh, go right ahead," Shirou held the door open for a small girl carrying a large stack of boxes of donuts. He'd ask if she needed any help since the stack was so tall she couldn't see where she was going, but there was something much more important at hand. So, with some reluctance, he let the girl go and followed his sister and her Servant with two of his own in tow inside.

Maybe when this incident was over he could sit down with Illya and talk with her.

"Illya-sama," Berserker looked up from the screen of her Noble Phantasm, "the signature is moving again."

"Eh?!" Illya spun back around. "Where?!"

"It just left the shop."

"I didn't even see anything!" screamed Illya.

Shirou just stood in the back and scratched his head.

"Regardless, we must pursue!" Guinevere said with enthusiasm, even if she had no idea what was going on or for why her Master was doing this. But if Shirou was determined to find this, then so was she!

"I've a feeling a lot of people are going to get fired," Dagonet said to herself. "Like a certain loli who shouldn't be in this scene. Then again, it might just be from bad coordination from the director. So [Arry] might have him sacked instead."

None of this was heard as Dagonet was the only one within the donut shop.

Berserker led the group down the street with Kaleidostick Sapphire in her hand. The Second Magic Noble Phantasm beeped every so often in a sequence to indicate how close they were from their target. And after every beep, the screen would refresh to show the location on the map. They began to pick up the pace once the dot had rounded a corner and was headed for the bus stop. Illya began to panic once the bus zipped by them and was about to reach the checkpoint.

Luckily, when they arrived, there was a line of people waiting to get on. And so far their target hadn't gotten on. Berserker raised Sapphire up in front of every individual, getting some odd looks but were shrugged off seeing as she was a little girl with a toy, and moved down the line.

Eventually Sapphire began buzzing like an old 90s pager when pointed at one person.

"I don't care; I'm not wearing that for the next interview!" the little girl Shirou held the door open for yelled into the Bluetooth headpiece in her ear, still holding on to the stack of donuts in her arms. "Making me wear this… this Gothic Lolita dress is one thing, but making me wear that is going too far [Arry]! 'For the fans' my fine-toned rear! This is only for you, you, you, you PEDOPHILE!"

Oddly enough, no one other than Shirou and the group were paying any attention to her. It was more like she didn't exist, yet at the same time the people waiting behind her in line moved when she did.

"It's her," announced Berserker before closing the antenna of Sapphire's. The Noble Phantasm in turn transformed into a clip and attached itself onto Berserker's chest.

"You're a filthy liar," the girl went on, not noticing their presence. "[F-F-Fang-dono] doesn't care about what I wear. And I didn't wear that for him, you got that! It just so happened to be the only dress in my trailer. I-I-I didn't wear it because it put emphasis on my bust. I'm telling you it was the only dress I had! What? Ha! As if I would stoop so low as to wear my regalia before the audience of a bunch of hairless ass mon— Come again? What do you mean I'm in the shot? That's impossible. The schedule said shooting was on Shirou all day."

Now Shirou was interested if he wasn't before.

"What do you mean you can see me on the screen? That's impossible! Unless…"

Slowly, the girl's head turned towards their way. Locking eyes with Shirou, the girl froze. Her eyes moved towards the top corner of the building behind him, back to him, and then repeated. But when Shirou tried looking for whatever it was she was, he couldn't see anything.

"I-I'm going to have to call you back…" the girl balanced the boxes on one arm and raised her hand towards the Bluetooth. "Y-Y-Yeah… As is part of our contract I'll say it. I… l-l-l-l-l-love you too… pedophile." She clicked it off.

Her eyes returned towards Shirou's, and only Shirou's. She became flustered and balanced on one foot and then the other. It was at this point Shirou realized that he had no idea how to progress this any further. Here was what they were looking for and now that they had it, now what? Though this wasn't the male figure who had invaded his dreams, this being without a doubt was one of unquestionable power.

Because Shirou couldn't identify her, for one. He saw her, could register her as a little girl, but could not put into words what exactly she looked like. It was like she was blended in with the background and had never been intended to be revealed. He could only make out white hair, red eyes, and a black dress with frills.

"I am but a figment of your imagination!" the girl announced.

"Yeah, we're not buying it," Illya's eyes narrowed dangerously, causing the girl to flinch.

"P-Pay no attention to the man hiding behind that curtain!" the girl tried again, quoting a movie of all things.

Which didn't work.

"Who are you?" demanded Illya.

"Uh…" the girl began to sweat while using the boxes as a makeshift shield. "You're not supposed to see me. We weren't supposed to meet. This could seriously harm production."

"Production of what?" pressed Illya. She gripped the girl by the shoulders with such a strong grip the sound of grinding bones was heard. "What are you planning, alien scum?!"

"I-I-I-I have a work permit!" countered the girl who was shying away as Illya continued to draw closer with a crazed look in her eyes. "Sister Gaia herself signed for it! I'm here legally!"

Berserker joined in when she grabbed onto the girl's arm before trying to run away. "But you still are not a natural residence of this world. You being here has influenced the Heaven's Feel more than enough."

"I-I had nothing to do with that!" she argued. "That was all [Arry] and his doing! I'm just the adorable intern!"

Even Guinevere decided to jump in, "Oh so it's you that's been tampering with the Grail. You're the reason why there are multiple Servants in this War!"

Yeah, just go ahead and blab it all out for the world to hear. Just go ahead and ignore the fact this was supposed to be a secret in front of all the people whose attention you've gathered from this little episode. No one's going to be dead in the morning for this, sure.

"Alright you three, I think that's enough," Shirou stepped forward and pulled the girl away from the others. She was more than light enough for him to pick up without having to worry about her dropping her boxes. He put her back down beside him. "But some answers would be nice, if you don't mind. You're a god, aren't you?"

"W-W-W-W-W-What?!" the girl slapped his hand away as her fear suddenly turned into rage. "A god?! You think I'm something of those pitiful and dead Divine Spirits?! I am most insulted!"

With one hand still balancing the stack, she gave an elegant pose as her aura of charisma spiked beyond the measure of anything found on the planet. Shirou found himself compelled to fall to his knees and worship this girl. "I am Original Spirit Pluto! Ruler of all things Mischief, Underlord of the Void, current Ambassador of the Abyss, Supreme Commander of the Damned, and Representative of the Ninth Planetary House! Bow before my greatness!"

"We're not worthy!" everyone within the block immediately fell to their knees and did as was commanded, including Illya and the Servants. Cars came to a stop, people not even paying attention on the opposite end of the street bowed towards her direction, and even birds which were flying around landed immediately and ducked their heads.

However, Shirou didn't bow. He wanted to, but something within him was keeping him on his feet. He could feel his Od battling against this presence. Rather, it was like it was controlling his body to do all but to bow. It was a rather painful experience.

~Oh sister dearest…~ a voice he knew he had heard before said but couldn't recall where.

"Urk!" Pluto flinched as she realized what she had done and her aura of charisma vanished. "I-I mean… I'm nobody. Pay no attention to me. I'll just be on my way…"

"Hold on, wait a minute!" Shirou reached for her without thinking. "I really need to talk to you. It's very important and I think you're the only one who can do anything about it."

"I'm not going to grant any wish or something stupid like that," she replied with a little snap of her tongue.

"…I only want to talk," Shirou repeated.

The Original Spirit puffed her cheeks like the child she was pretending to be. "Fine. But only for a moment. I'm already going to get in trouble for this so I might as well do some damage control. But I can't give away information I'm not supposed to."

*Scene*

The group moved themselves to a secluded park a few blocks down, although it was noted both Mordred and Dagonet were nowhere to be seen. While Berserker, Illya, and Pluto sat on a bench with each one munching on a donut, Shirou stood with Guinevere at his side.

"You have one question," Pluto said between bites. "Choose wisely."

"One question…" Illya said to herself and began thinking hard. Her brows knitted together as she took another bite of her snack.

"Master," Guinevere moved a little closer to whisper into Shirou's ear. "Might I make a recommendation? Why not ask why there are multiple Servants? Perhaps this will grant us a clue to achieve victory?"

"I don't think there'll be a need for that," Shirou shook his head. "I'm not interested in the Grail one bit if there really is something wrong with it. Besides, my goal isn't something that can be granted through a wish. It's something only I can do."

Guinevere frowned but accepted his words with a nod. However, she did not move back to her original spot and remained within her Master's personal space.

Pluto kept her eyes locked on Shirou. She didn't give any reaction as though she knew exactly what he was going to say. When Shirou turned back towards her, she gave him a smile to say she already knew what question he was about to ask.

"To answer both your questions," began Pluto before either Illya or Shirou could say a word, "I've made a deal with my current contractor in order to craft a vessel potent enough to contain all False Servants of the this Grail War. However, the current Lesser Grail will still absorb the souls of the seven regular Servants. This is an experiment to see if we can defy that which cannot be defied. Naturally, this experiment will fail, but he doesn't seem to understand that and still thinks it can be accomplished. But oh well. His soul is mine."

Illya had opened her mouth but then shut it. It would appear what question she had was answered and she needed the moment to think things through.

"Actually… that wasn't what I was going to ask," Shirou spoke up.

Pluto's smug smile faltered as she looked up at the red-haired boy. "What are you talking about? It should have been. In the script you're supposed to ask about the multiple Servants tonight when you run into Cain! He says he's been examining Angra Mainyu's growth up in Ryuudo Temple!"

"I'm afraid I don't know who and what that is," he admitted, also choosing to ignore the mention of a 'script' for the better sake of his sanity. "But, actually, I was going to ask a question about myself. I was wondering if, possibly, you could tell me about some of the other Original Spirits?"

"T-T-That's your question Master?!" Guinevere gasped.

Her eyes narrowed. "Why would you ask such a thing? And be warned I might not tell you a thing."

"I may have met one," he replied with a stern expression. "He was in a white and gold suit, blonde hair with a trimmed beard, and red eyes. He also had the same… presence, I guess, as you did. He made me think he was the greatest thing in all existence and I had to obey his every word without question. I also believe his influence stopped me from bowing when you announced your title."

Pluto's childish personality dissolved completely. Shirou had to take a step back as he was staring at the eyes of a being who could erase him with but a thought. Illya jumped out of her seat with Berserker pushing her back to protect her. And Guinevere gripped into Shirou's arm.

"…Why is Jupiter's essence within you, boy?" the Original derided, her very existence demanding full obedience.

And again, Shirou's Od came alive to reinforce both his body and will to counteract against Pluto's influence. When this happened, Pluto's eyes narrowed further. He could feel the girl boring into every fiber of his being, perhaps reading the encryption that made up his soul.

But she had a very human reaction.

"THAT LYING SACK OF SHIT!" Pluto roared as she stood. Her head snapped towards the nearest tree with her eyes glaring absolute death into one of the branches. "[Arry] you, you, you, you STUPID PEDOPHILE! The contract we made was but a distraction wasn't it?! You, you, you, you summoned me away from home just so you could have an audience with my siblings, didn't you?! Why the hell wasn't I invited to this Grail War?!"

Shirou, as well as everyone else, was trying to find what she was staring at but couldn't see anything that could have been used as a monitoring device, not even birds or insects to use as familiars.

"You know what?!" Pluto stomped her foot down. Within the blink of an eye the tree became ashen white with its leaves crumbling apart. "I've had it with you! No more will I be running around for your dry-cleaning, doing snack runs, cooking your breakfast and dinner, joining you in the bath, or sneaking into your bed pretending I had a nightmare! I am not your fake little sister you, you, you, you, you, you LOLICON! I QUIT!"

Her attention snapped back towards Shirou, who couldn't help but take several steps back as he was staring at the incarnation of death itself.

"Thank you very much for bringing this to my attention, Shirou Emiya," as though she had not thrown a tantrum, Pluto gave him a lovely smile and a polite eastern bow. "Be assured I shall investigate this personally and see to it that you are properly informed on the misgivings of my former employer. I shall also grant you one favor upon my return. Farewell."

Before another word could have gotten in, a bird had flown over their heads high enough to block out the sun for but a fragment of a second. But when the shadow passed, Pluto was gone.

"Why do I have the feeling we were only here for someone's plot advancement?" Illya deadpanned.

Berserker stared at her Master for a moment. "Goshujin-sama, I think you've been watching too much anime lately."

*Scene*

"Oh Dagonet, there you are," Shirou rounded the corner into the path that would lead up to his house. In his arms were the boxes the crazed goddess— erm, Original, he corrected himself— left behind. Not wanting to waste food, Shirou decided to bring them back for the Knights of the Round to enjoy, but not without giving a box to Illya and Berserker to enjoy for their selves. He made them promise not to eat all of them at once.

'Yes, Onii-chan,' they both responded, sending shivers down his spine. He understood why Illya might have responded that way but not Berserker. Regardless, he had offered them lunch but they politely refused. Sapphire, Berserker's Noble Phantasm, floated in front of him and asked if it was okay for… her(?) to scan him as he had one of the seven unnatural signatures blending with his prana reserves. With that task done, they went their separate ways.

In the end, Shirou couldn't find the right way to start the conversation about their family relationship. With a sigh, he told himself he would do it the next time.

"Shirou-tan made Dago-nee promise no tricks," the miniature Knight had been waiting for him under the lamppost. "I couldn't fulfill that promise if I was there harassing Pluto-sama."

Shirou blinked. "Wait, you knew who we were looking for?"

"…M-Maybe," Dagonet avoided eye contact. "A-Anyways, Mordy-nee took all the stock back to the house. Me thinks Gary-nii is cooking. But before that…"

She swiped the boxes of sweets from Shirou's grip before he could react and began running at incomprehensible speeds up the road. "VICTORY IS MINE! HA HA HA HA HA HA!"

"Dagonet you better share!" Guinevere shouted before pulling on her Master's arm to hasten their pace.

It took less than ten minutes to catch up to Dagonet, who was waiting patiently at the front gate with the boxes balancing over her head. Guinevere tensed and almost halted her steps. After another quick look, Shirou found they weren't alone.

Two of his Servants were also standing at the gate in their full armor, blocking the entrance from the third member. He believed they were Sirs Bedivere and Gawain. A serious look was on their face as they kept an eye on the person standing before them. Each one had a hand on the hilt of their swords.

Something fluttered within Shirou's stomach when his eyes turned towards this new guest.

"Hello there, Shirou," the girl in a white sundress and matching parasol bore her back towards the Servants standing guard to give her full attention onto him. She had ruffled blonde hair tied back into a short tail, emerald eyes that sparkled in the sunlight, fair skin just a shade off from her dress, and rosy thin lips curled into a loving smile.

She was the spitting image of King Arthur, but with a few minor differences in which could not be defined with physical appearance. Though both girls could be the ideal concept of Steel, King Arthur was unbending, pristine, immaculate, and righteous. When Arthur smiled, it was showing her pride and honor onto the world.

But as Shirou looked into the smile of this girl, he could see the difference like night and day. Her concept of Steel was… inversed. It was tampered, sharp, primitive, and murderous. As she was smiling, she was revealing her everything onto the world.

Shirou also knew who this girl was. He had seen her before. In the evening when he was about to die by Lancer, it was this girl who had come to save him. This girl had carried him all the way to his home while he was unconscious against the orders of her Master. This was the girl in his dreams from that evening— of the one who had everything stolen from her and had surrendered her all for the sake of continuing her life.

And her name was…

"Victoria," the name came out like how one would for a friend he had longed missed.

The girl was startled at first, but then her smile grew as she approached him. "It is Lucia now. Lucia Artorius Castus. But yes, it is good to see you are doing well."

Gawain and Bedivere moved to cut off her approach, standing between her and their Master. Even Guinevere pushed herself in front of Shirou. The ever familiar sound of a drawn bowstring caught Shirou's attention. Sir Tristain had squatted at the rooftop of the manor and had his sights locked on Artorius' position with his Noble Phantasm.

"Hark, what business would'st thou have with my M-Master?" the persona of the Queen of Britain returned as it had in the time of her summoning. It could work wonders if she learned to not stutter and blush at the mentioning of the title.

Artorius stopped walking. Her smile dropped as her brows creased. A thick miasma of killing intent radiated out of her being. Guinevere nearly faltered and the Knights prepared to engage.

"Stop!" barked Shirou, more towards his Servants than against Artorius. "That's enough! She's a friend."

"She's an enemy Servant," countered Sir Bedivere.

The idea of Artorius being an enemy sent his anger rising. It felt the same as if they would raise their swords against Sakura or Fuji-nee. Though this was the first time the two had properly met, he knew her better than anyone. Whatever she had done to him to bring him back to life had connected some kind of link between the two. He knew she had delved into his every being, and in exchange he knew everything about her. If he focused on the link, he could 'remember' instances of her life that he had not experienced in that dream. He knew of her feelings, of her principles, of her hopes and dreams, and of the hardships she endured in her blood-stained life.

He did not agree with her methods of 'surviving', but he understood her reason for doing so and could never condemn her for it. Rather, he wished there was something he could do for her.

"She speaks the truth," Artorius addressed Shirou without batting an eye. Bedivere's grip on his sword tightened. "So long as I am under the authority of My Liege, I am to aim for the capture of the Grail in his honor. Such is the nature of we Servants. Do not be distraught with them."

"That still doesn't mean they should treat you like this," Shirou pushed himself in front of his Servants, even purposely pulling his arm away from Guinevere's reach. "If you're not here to fight, then there's no reason why I shouldn't treat you like a guest."

The Queen gaped at his gesture.

Artorius' smile returned. "You are too kind for your own good, Shirou. Many would take advantage of this."

"But I know you wouldn't," Shirou smiled back.

"My lord," Gawain stepped forward to stand beside his Master. "How do you know of this Servant?"

Shirou answered honestly and without hesitation. "She saved my life. And I trust her completely."

"That still does not answer my question," Guinevere had recovered and latched herself onto Shirou once more. "I demand to know what she's doing here!"

Shirou looked at Artorius for a response.

So she gave one. "I only meant to see how you were doing. I was concerned about your wellbeing and needed to know if you've managed since I departed. Now that I see you are in good care with those capable of assisting your goal, my worries are calmed. That is all."

The smile she gave him was sincere and loving. There was no sign of deception whatsoever. Shirou never doubted her for a second.

"Well, good!" Guinevere waved her hand in a gesture to shoo her away. "As you can see, *my* Master is in good hands! Now that you've seen it, be gone. You might be in good g-g-graces with my Master but you are still an enemy Servant."

"Guinevere," Shirou growled as his anger was returning.

"No, Shirou, she is right," Artorius shook her head. "It is what I would do. No matter how friendly they may be, I would never allow a potential enemy near my territory. It only invites danger. I also do not wish to disturb your peace."

She gave a bitter smile before turning around and pacing away. Shirou wanted to say something more to her, but a firm hand on his shoulder from Gawain got him to stop.

"It is for the best, my lord," Bedivere stated firmly.

The sound of a cross between the ground rumbling and a lion's growl was heard. It was loud enough to get everyone's attention, including Artorius who momentarily stopped her walking.

"Eh heh heh…" a shaky Dagonet finally spoke up as the tension died. "The King must surely be hungry…"

"Do you think it's because he cannot enter spirit form?" asked Guinevere, getting only a shrug from the miniature Knight.

"Hurry inside, my lord," Sir Gawain nudged Shirou towards the gate. "My brother should almost be done with the meal. We shall stand watch just a little while longer."

Shirou didn't move at first, his gaze still lingering on Artorius' figure as she continued to walk away. But then he noticed something. Her steps were… stiff, for lack of a better word. She was moving with one foot in front of the other and there was a fragment of a second when she would pause before moving the other foot.

A few steps later, he began to see her ankles shaking. He was moving towards her before anyone could argue.

"Victoria!" Shirou began running when he saw her collapse onto the street.

His Servants were at his side with their weapons ready should Artorius try anything. But Shirou ignored them. He knelt down and raised her into his arms. "What's wrong?" he asked.

The same feral noise was heard, this time much closer. Artorius began to blush as the sound was originating from her. "J-Just hunger pains, boy. I… I will be fine once I return to my Master."

"You're in no condition to be walking around like this," Shirou said. Adjusting his grip on her, he lifted her up bridal style. "You can rest here until you're better."

"T-This is unnecessary!" a blushing Artorius tried to argue, but it didn't stop her from wrapping her arms around his neck for balance. "I assure you I am fine!"

"You hear that, Master?" Guinevere tried to reason with him. "She said she's fine. You can leave her back on the street and I'm sure the local trash keepers will come for her husk."

"My lord, this is unwise," Bedivere also tried. "You are permitting an enemy into your den. How do we know if she will not try anything? You are letting your emotions rule your judgment."

"I'm letting her in and that's final," Shirou replied with steel in his voice as he was already entering his yard. His Circuits began to flare as his Servants detected the presence of a new Servant and had materialized. But he grit back against the pain and continued his march into his house. He wouldn't allow any of them to say who he couldn't permit inside.

"…We've deviated from the script soooooo much," sighed Dagonet as she was flipping through a large spineless book.

*Scene*

Arthur wasn't sure what to make of this Artorius character at first. When her Master had carried the Servant and had her rest on one of his couches, she found herself staring into a mirror. A very broken, fragmented mirror with many of its shards missing at that.

The Archers had mentioned Artorius was her great ancestor from Rome, but she would have never guessed how close in likeliness they were in appearance. The only distinction Arthur could make out was the way the two presented themselves. While Arthur was regal in her bearings, Artorius was… brutish, fitting that of the commanders of those Saxons. And she thought Mordred had some problems…

Artorius did not say anything as she sat on the couch, patiently waiting for Shirou to finish assisting Sir Gareth in the kitchen. When preparations were done, the Master had come to escort her to the dining table and only then did she react by trying to assure him she was fine. Shirou wouldn't hear any of it and escorted her nonetheless.

The master of the house sat at the head of the table with Guinevere on his right and Artorius on his left, both females staring intensely at the other. Rather, Guinevere was trying to intimidate the Roman while Artorius had succeeded when her patience had run thin and sent her glare in turn before going back to Shirou. There was the other thing, Arthur noticed as she took her seat at the other head of the table. Artorius was treating the young man like an old friend, possible lover, while Shirou was returning the feelings in his own blunt way just like how he had treated that Sakura girl this morning. One would have guessed they knew each other for a great deal of time… But Artorius was a Servant so this idea was shoved out.

Shirou was sweating due to fatigue and pain as most of the Knights of the Round materialized upon his return. But the boy was fighting through it and doing his best to not let it bother him. He also did his best to pretend they weren't surrounding the table, the hallway, and the connected living room donned in their armors with their Noble Phantasms at the ready to be drawn. The only ones who weren't present were Dagonet— who claimed she needed to go over some script— Percival, and Galahad.

Even Mordred was present, seating herself between Guinevere and Arthur. Though, she was donned in her crimson and silver armor. Her face was crossed with the desire for a meal as well as wanting to fight Artorius.

"Meal ruined," Sir Gareth hissed under his breath from within the kitchen as he put the necessary provisions on plates and handed them to Sir Lucan, who would then serve those seated at the table. He had looked forward to having the gathering with his brothers in arms and had put his all into the dish.

Arthur continued to study Artorius as the meal continued in silence. Truly, the burden of supporting his Servants for more than half an hour was starting to get to Shirou, but he refused to let his mask fall. However, this was not missed by Arthur, Guinevere, and Artorius. But Arthur said nothing, Guinevere did not scoot closer to him to use the ability Sir Percival had mentioned, and Artorius only gave him a concerned look before returning to her meal.

When the meal was done, there was a prolonged silence that was starting to draw into awkwardness.

"Victoria," Shirou finally decided to speak. Arthur held back the grimace of confusion at the name as she was currently in the persona of the King. "Can I ask you something? Why… Why me?"

Artorius' love-struck smile turned into a saddened one. "My intentions are not pure and were quite… selfish at the time. When I stood before your dying body, I was struck between letting you die to be rid of a plethora of Servants who may threaten my goal for the Grail or to let you live and let those Servants resume to challenge me. In my arrogance, I chose to save your life if it meant to continue my reasons for living. Normally I would have let you die as it would increase my chances at victory. So to say, I did not care for who you were, but for what you could bring to the War. For the sake of curving my lust for battle, I chose to save you."

Her smile returned; rather, it seemed to radiate this time. "And I am forever grateful for it. Fate has given me a chance to learn about you, Emiya Shirou."

There was… an understanding between the two, from what Arthur could observe. In one nod and a gentle smile, Shirou had forgiven her of her reasons and thanked her as well.

Meanwhile, Guinevere was fuming.

"I can't ever thank you enough," he said. "I hope I can repay you someday."

"I do not wish for there to be a debt between us," Artorius' smile became condescending with a small snicker escaping her lips. "But I do wish we could have met under different conditions. I thank you for your hospitality and for your generosity. I also give my compliments to the chef. I shall excuse myself and allow you to return to your peace; it truly was my only intention to see if you were doing well."

They stood together and began to pace towards the door.

"She doesn't seem that bad," said the chef, Sir Gareth, who received a few looks.

"Victoria, are you sure you'll be alright?" Shirou asked with concern as they entered the hallway.

"You worry too much," she gave a light laugh as she latched on her sandals and picked up her parasol. "The provisions could never satisfy the hunger of a Servant, but it is more than enough for me to safely return to my Master."

She stepped closer to Shirou, getting the Knights close to her to tense and prepare to lash out if she tried anything. With one hand, she cupped his left cheek. Shirou blinked in confusion of the gesture.

And then she kissed him, pressing her lips against his and opening his mouth with her tongue.

There was a blood-curdling howl of rage and murder coming from Guinevere.

When they separated, Shirou was left as a blushing, mumbling, incoherent mess. The sight caused Artorius to smile once more before turning and exiting out of the door. When the door shut, Shirou remained there for a while longer.

"S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-S-SHIROU!" screamed a red-faced Guinevere, completely abandoning any honorific or respectful title. She grabbed her Master by his shoulders, spun him around, and pressed her face against his until their brows met. "Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-Y-You are t-t-t-t-to NEVER see her a-a-a-a-a-again, do you understand?!"

Shirou's brows creased as he opened his mouth to argue.

"I DON'T CARE!" but was shot down by Guinevere. "Y-Y-Y-You are m-m-m-m-m-m-my M-M-M-M-M-Master! N-N-Not hers! MINE!"

"Someone's jealous," said Sir Kay bluntly.

If looks could kill, the glare Guinevere shot his way would absolutely obliterate any trace of his existence.

"Oi! Show's over!" called Sir Bors as his great sword and armor Noble Phantasms dispersed into prana particles. "TODAY WE FEAST LIKE KINGS!"

"HUZZAH!" cheered the other Knights as they scrambled for their place to sit. Only eight could fit and so the others had to situate themselves against the walls while Sir Gareth and Sir Lucan began serving plates of food. The rations were enough for two times the consumption of the average person as their Master had expunged a hefty sum in acquiring the ingredients. However, something like this was considered light when compared to the excess they once ate when gathered at the Round Table.

But they treated it all the same. As Heroic Spirits, this was but one in an infinite possibilities in which they could gather again like the old days. The meal might not have been much, but it was a reason for them to be merry.

It didn't take them very long to begin singing.

"Shirou," Arthur had excused herself from her men in order to talk to her Master, who was still getting an earful from Guinevere. "I meant to tell you. Two of your other selves had shown up while you were away. They… left an account number for finances they had set up. They said you were more than welcome to use it however you saw fit. They also suspected you would go out of your way and do… this."

She gestured towards her men in the dining area.

Shirou had been able to pry himself out of Guinevere's grip and address Arthur. "Oh, did they? Sorry I wasn't here to greet them. I had some questions for them. But, on the other hand, I was able to learn a few things about the Grail War! That's something I really need to tell them. And it also turns out the Master positioned in Ryuudoji has been examining the Grail itself. Do you know if they said there was a way for me to contact them?"

Arthur was curious about what this information was, but if Shirou wasn't willing to share then he must have had his reasons. He was a good kid with a kind heart. He wouldn't try to hide things from her. "I'm afraid not. Did they not say last night they would be dwelling in the Tohsaka estate? Perhaps if you've the time later today you might want to see them. It is still early in the day."

"Oh, there you are prat," Mordred stormed into the hallway back in her street attire as her eyes locked on to Shirou's. Without warning, she gripped him by the collar of his shirt and began dragging him back into the dining area. "The men demand your presence. They won't shut up about it."

"Wait! Mordred!" Shirou tried to break free but to no avail. "I was talking to Saber!"

"F-First that w-w-w-w-w-wench A-Artorius and now M-M-M-M-M-Mordred?!" Guinevere could no longer control her emotions as she ran after Mordred. She pulled on Shirou's arm and started a tugging war. But Mordred was leagues stronger than the former Queen and so ended up dragging them both without slowing down her pace.

What she saw in that boy Arthur couldn't understand. Sure he was decently looking, had good principles and morality, and a large heart for everyone. She could see the appeal in it as most of the men from her age were brutes or…

Her eyes lingered towards certain few of her men… who fancied other men.

She supposed, if she had to think about it, Shirou had the potential to become something great. He was still young and so fresh. His alternative selves were but some of the choices he could become. Why, one day he might even be as grand as King Emiya. He did have the God Slayer's radiant smile, chiseled muscles, and heroic charisma.

…Why the hell was her face so warm?

Getting back on track, Guinevere was free to pick and choose whomever she so desired. She should listen to Percival's advice and try to not to get so attached. It wouldn't end well for either of them once the Grail War was done. Plus, Shirou seemed to fancy that Artorius girl more than the former Queen. Then again, the boy was rather dense and couldn't notice the way that Sakura girl was admiring his every movement.

"Your Majesty, won't you be joining us?" Sir Bedivere came around the corner looking for her. "The men would be pleased to have you around. Why even Percival, Dagonet and… Galahad have joined."

"…I couldn't tell him," Arthur said instead. Sir Bedivere knew already what she was talking about. "The appearance of that Artorius Servant changes things. If she truly is a Servant of that Cain as that… Troper suspects, then she is going to be our enemy. I believe it is in the best if he did not know what we were planning for this evening."

Sir Bedivere's lips thinned. "I trust your judgment, Your Majesty. However… am I to assume if we are to go behind his back we will limit our ranks? Too many Servants active at the same time will not go unnoticed by the way his Circuits work. You must also realize we cannot inform the Archers or ask for their assistance until after the raid."

"…I do not trust the Archers," she finally admitted. "They may have no hostile intentions directed towards us, and they may be speaking the truth in being… parallel replicas of our Master, but it does not change the fact they know about the secrets of the Grail that we Servants do not and are unwilling to share. I believe to find the truth we must look at the source directly."

Bedivere nodded. "Which is why we are attacking the Master of Lancer? I do not understand, Your Majesty."

"The Master of Lancer is currently stationed at the top of one of the points where the Grail is supposed to reveal itself," Arthur elaborated. "Just now our Master told us there was a Master examining the Grail in one of these points. From what Troper and King Emiya has told us, their King of Swords had spoken to Cain directly. And as Cain had stated he knew of the corruption of the Grail…"

"…He must then know of the condition of this War," concluded Bedivere. "Yes, I see it now. I apologize for my moment of questioning you, Your Majesty. Let us not speak of this for now else raise suspicion from our Master. Come, join us in the feast before all is gone."

"Yes. Let's."

---

The reel ends, the set spotlights the host goddess sitting in her velvet chair.

Pluto: ...You know, I say all that cool stuff in this episode and yet I find myself back here. Turns out, I'm so poor I can't even afford to buy out my own contract from a mortal. A mortal! So until I find a way to get out of Arry's clutches, I'm stuck doing what he tells me to.

So, without further ado, let's get started with this craptastic show! I am your host this evening, the ever immaculate and transcendentally adorable Original Spirit, Ruler of all things Mischief, the one and only Pluto! Now gathered here today due to a technical error in the planning department is one of Fanfiction Net's finest! We've all met them before so let us all give a round of applause to the one and only Third Fang and Ash of Miracles!

The lights turn on to reveal that a stage has inexplicably appeared in the middle of Pluto's studio. Fireworks start to erupt from around the stage and The Scorpion's "Rock you like a Hurricane" plays from massive speakers on either side.

Satire Swift:*On stage with a mic* Ladies and Gentlemen, I am Satire Swift, the fanfic writer of moderate competence and a couple of clever ideas! And tonight I'm introducing my first among those clever ideas! Presenting the Lampshade Hanger that has the swagger! The Memetic Hazard that sets the standard! The one and only… Troper!Shirou!

Troper!Shirou:*Power slides onto the stage* I live, bitches!

Pluto: Huh? Wait, what? I thought we had another session with Fang-dono and Usagi-chan. I was just talking to them not even thirty seconds ago behind set. How the hell did you two get here?! And how did you fit that stage in here? This is barely a thirty-square-feet studio!

Satire Swift: At this point, I've just learned to stop questioning these things when he's around. It helps with whatever's left of my sanity.

Troper!Shirou: Air-Vent Passageway! Which unfortunately wasn't actually wide enough to fit a person of our size. So, subsequently and more accurately, explosives! And as for the other two guys, that simple. I just had to convince them to let me go on next, and I happen to know a great negotiator. And what stage? I've no idea what you're talking about!

A lead pipe falls out of Troper!Shirou's trench coat. The words 'The Negotiator' are printed on the side in bold, friendly letters. The man pushes it behind him with his foot, a Not-So-Innocent Whistle escaping his lips.

Pluto: I, uh... That is... W-Well whatever. It's better than having F-Fang-dono here anyways. It's not like I wore the dress Arry wanted me to wear because of him...

Okay, seriously, Troper, I've read the script from cover to cover. Not only is it drenched in Arry's feces which he calls 'story' but you're not even in it! In fact, I don't even know if you're supposed to be here! Do you just show up and they let you do whatever you want or something? Does anyone even pay you?!

Troper!Shirou: I can get paid to do this?!

Satire Swift: Of course not. And anyone who tells you otherwise, or that I am secretly pocketing your share of the cash, is a filthy liar.

Troper!Shirou: Oh… well, anyway it's mostly because I'm blackmailing the shit out of Arrixam. In return for a certain leeway on his part in regards to my actions, his internet browsing history shall go unpublished. Hell, I swiped the browsing history of everyone in this story, just in case.

Satire Swift: Again, try not to think about how he managed that too much. I certainly didn't and I feel I'm a much happier man for it.

Pluto: But everyone already knows Arry is a disgusting pedophile. What's the purpose of having his browsing history? He's only interested in the lolicon genre... unless... No! H-He couldn't be interested in something d-darker, could he? What s-s-s-sick fetish could he have that's worse than lolicon?!

Ahem, Now that we can get back on schedule, and I do apologize for that episode of mine, let us ask the first question on our agenda... What the hell is this? I thought they said they came up with new questions? These are just the same bullshit ones we've used the past few times... Ugh.

So! Satire-sama, what was the first thing that came to your mind when Arry brought... Actually did he even bring it up to you? You might just be like Troper-kun here and just waltz in, regardless of what he says. Regardless, what did you think of the overall idea of the Throne of Shirou and what were you expecting in the first draft?

Troper!Shirou: Nah, Arrixam's the one who brought it up to Satire in the first place, but once I got wind of it I gatecrashed the party first chance I got. My author had me locked in a mental trunk for 6 months! Just so he could work on certain… other stories. Like hell I was missing out on this chance to get back in the spotlight!

Satire Swift: You say that like I wasn't going to say yes anyway. In any case Miss Pluto, I actually didn't think too much of it at first, because he wasn't the first person who had come to me asking to borrow one of my characters for something similar, and the other requests never amounted to too much. However, as soon as I read the first chapter I finally got the scope of what he was trying to do and I was impressed. If nothing else, it's a very ambitious story and I'd love to see where it goes.

Pluto: M-M-Miss Pluto? Oh my... N-No one's ever called me that before. You're so polite. B-But let's move on. Now regarding the designing of your Shirou. What made you come up with an idea to have a Shirou aligned to Tropes? Seriously, how high were you?

Satire Swift: Ah, that's a bit of a story, and I must admit that the original seed for the idea was not my own. As some people know, before I started writing fanfiction I was a frequent visitor of the Mechanics of In Flight forums. In the Omakes thread, the author Syroc posted a blurb about Shirou falling prey to the wonderful time sink known as TvTropes. It was at that moment I thought of the aria for Unlimited Trope Works, but I didn't have an account at the time, so I did nothing with it. It wasn't until about a year later that I actually got around to making an account on the site and it was at that moment the aria popped back into my head. It had been so long that it felt weird just to post only that considering how long ago it was. And so, I came up with a character who could say it, and a short little omake for him to be in… which turned into my first fic.

So, it was an aria, which turned into a character, which turned into an omake, which turned into story.

Troper!Shirou: Yeah, which turned into a backstory which you still haven't written, asshole! Or did you forget that you haven't added anything to Unlimited Trope Works other than the prolog?!

Pluto: Troper-kun this one's coming your way. So you've gotten through the first day and most of the second just fine. Granted everyone seems to ignore you and I'm not sure if they're just trying to follow the script or if it's just one of Arry's tricks. Anyways, what do you think about the way you've been involved in the story? Do you feel like you could do more or are you holding something back on purpose only to unleash it at the Final Standoff? ...Or is that all you got?

Troper!Shirou: Oh? All I've got? You should be careful saying something like that to me, She Who Was Left Out Of This Story.

Pluto: *flinches*

Troper!Shirou: I might take it as a challenge and do something stupid.

Satire Swift: As opposed to…?

Troper!Shirou: Quiet you. In any case, I can assure you that I've got far more tricks up my sleeves than anyone knows. As for my own role in the story, it suits me. Sure, there is a lot more I could be doing, but… *takes of his glasses and rubs his eyes* there's always more I could be doing. More I should be doing, really. After a while though, after all the stuff I've seen and done, you have to learn to step back from it all. For the moment, the other Shirous are handling things just fine. If things get to the point where I have to step up my game, well… let's say that will be an interesting day.

Pluto: D-Don't rub it in that I wasn't invited to this 'party'. Troper-kun again, what do you think of your cast members? Which of the Shirous is your favorite? Which is your least? And may I remind you back in our interview with Marcus-sama and Kurol' Emiya he replied you were his least favorite. Just throwing that in there.

Troper!Shirou: But I'm so handsome, witty and charming…

Satire Swift: You are also basically a mind virus which is capable of irritating and confusing everyone you meet within a matter of minutes.

Troper!Shirou: You always have to focus on the negatives, don't you? Well, whatever, I'm not going to begrudge the opinion of a clearly narrow minded version of myself. Favorites are a hard pick though. King Apeiron seems to have a pretty good head on his shoulders and Sir Emiya is a decent guy, and besides, who doesn't like a Knight in Shining Armor? Can't say I exactly dislike any of them, but I do have to mention Ash of Miracles though. I don't I have a problem with his goals or his methods, but for god's sake man stop being so grumpy all the time! You have the biggest harem out of all of us for crying out loud!

Satire Swift: Pretty sure that Third Fang uses that in a much more sadistic way than I ever would.

Troper!Shirou: Then just given in to the inevitable and become a masochist already! Everyone will be happier, especially you!

Pluto: As a very proud M, I second that notion. Oh. Apparently I'm not allowed to reveal such information about myself. The director is giving me a mean glare. Yeah, didn't we fire you? Ohhhhhh, you're the new guy. I'll DEFINITELY remember you when it's time for your review... That's what I thought.

Satire-sama, what made you want to go into writing fanfiction to begin with? You've written so much and I've read a few of your stories. The one from Girl Genius is quite enlightening and I admire Saint of Zero. However, I know for a fact Arry hasn't bothered much with them. Oh, he says he's read most of them, but I doubt he's even finished Troper's story! Can you believe it?!

Satire Swift: Well, if that is the case, I do hope that he gets around to it at some point, and thank you for the compliment on my other works Miss Pluto. I somewhat touched on this earlier but the reason why I started writing was that I found myself in a situation where I felt I had to do something productive. I was in the middle of a crappy internship that didn't pay and wasn't teaching me anything, and all the while I was desperately trying to find a real job with some kind of meaning. For the past few years up to that point I had been reading a great deal of fanfiction and had a few ideas of my own, and it just kind of reached a critical mass where I had to do something with it. I had wanted make stories for a very long time, but I had never known where to start. At that point though, I just kinda said fuck it and did it.

Troper!Shirou: And from the combination of creative hope and a shitty job which he didn't care about slacking off at, I was born.

Pluto: To the both of you, what would you say to be your crowning achievement? This, of course, and they REALLY need to change this question because I'm getting tired of answering it- ahem, this of course applies to your works in fanfiction and... God I hate you pricks writing these cards for making me say this... 'Shirou-ness'.

Satire Swift: I can't exactly point to a specific thing that I consider my greatest achievement-

Troper!Shirou:*cough*Totallyme*cough*

Satire Swift: But one of my favorite moments was when I posted my first omake and the responses I got back were just so damn positive. And since then I am just amazed that I have been able to make things that have been so well received by other people so many times. It's an amazing feeling.

Troper!Shirou: Well, If I had pick one thing out of all of my victories, all of my accomplishments, all of my batshit crazy plans that never really worked but I somehow pulled of anyway through gratuitous use of the Indie Ploy and/or lying about it afterward, I would have to say that my crowning achievement is… the epilogue for Playing with Tropes. Anyone who read it can probably guess why. Though technically that hasn't happened to me yet, but linear experience is really more of a suggestion for me anyway. As for Shirou-ness, well, everything about me is just a crowning achievement in that respect, am I right Satire?

Satire Swift: Well, sure, but you have to admit that Shirou Kotomine-

Troper!Shirou: WE DO NOT SPEAK THAT NAME IN THIS HOUSE!

Satire Swift: What? The only house here is my house!

Troper!Shirou: YES AND THAT IS HOUSE IN WHICH WE DO NOT SPEAK THE NAME!

Satire Swift: … you're jealous of the other Shirous I'm working on, aren't you?

Troper!Shirou: Two fics! You're working on two whole fics for that human zippo but you can't be bothered to do anything with me?! Fire is like the most boring power ever! And don't even get me started on light-bright forehead! That bastard got a Continuity Reboot before you touched me again!

Satire Swift: Hey I can't help the fact that they're so popular.

Troper!Shirou: Oh, really, that's the reason you pushed me to the side is it?*Starts mimicking Satire's voice* Oh, look at me, I'm Satire Swift. I only ever write what popular, except when I start new fics out of nowhere even when I have several I'm still working on! I spent most of my time hoping that no will notice that all of the parts of my stories that are between the clever ideas aren't any good! I'm deeply insecure about the fact that my writing speed is significantly slower than all of my peers!

Satire Swift: That's it, you're fucking dead!

The author proceeds to launch himself at his creation, and the two go tumbling in a Big Ball of Violence, which happens to tumble into the stage and bring the whole thing crashing down on their heads.

Pluto: Wait. He can say [BEEP] but I can't? Who the [BEEP] is in charge of the [BEEP] sound effects button?!

You know what, I'm not even going to read the last card. The DnD people can SUCK MY TWIN MOONS! Yeah, I said it. What are you going to do Arry? Fire me?! Ahem, my last question is this: do you believe the two of you could do a better job at directing this story? Or know anyone who can? I also ask because I'm looking for a better employer. And honestly, the idea was great at the get-go but his choice of execution was just plain TERRIBLE!

Satire Swift: *Pulling himself up and dusting himself off* Nah, can't say that I do. Arrixam seems to have thought this out pretty far, so I doubt I could come up with anything bet-

Troper!Shirou: Giant robots-

Satire Swift: That doesn't even make sense in the context of the story.

Troper!Shirou: -made out of the gattai'ed bodies of all the Servants on each team, each forming their own Super Mecha Servant. The Master pilot them, dressed in either badass uniforms or tiny miniskirts depending on the gender, but all entering combat in the Badass Arm-Fold position. They fight using swords, lasers, whirlwind kicks, and the manliest of all weapons- drills.

Satire Swift: You went on a Gainax binge recently, didn't you?

Troper!Shirou: Only one force in the city is powerful enough to stop the carnage before it destroys all mankind: off in the distance one sees the speeding form of Tagia Fujimura, her Vespa moped carrying her into battle. In one hand she grips the dreaded Tora-Shinai, and in the other her trusty blue Rickenbacker bass.

SatireSwift: That's what I thought.

Troper!Shirou: After the involvement of some angelic lingerie enthusiasts, Rin and Sakura exit their Mecha during a Cross Counter to duel as the most scantily dressed magical girls ever conceived of by man with the oversized halves of an office supply, but no one even cares because their fight is just that goddamn epic. Taiga busts out a sweet bass solo. Then and only then, when the bassassry has reached its critical mass… does the physical manifestation of Alaya herself join the party.

Satire Swift: We should probably call it here. He's going to be at this for a while.

Pluto: ...Oh dear sweet zombie Jesus. He's another Arry. There's a reason why he refers to Shirous as 'Rangers'. He presented the idea since before production. Everyone has been doing their best to prevent this; but mark my words, it's coming. Sooner or later Arry will get his moment and there will be nothing we can do about it.

Anyways, that's all the time we have for today! Thank you Satire-sama and Troper-kun for stepping in to clean up some random intern's mess! Another episode shown and another interview completed! This is Original Spirit Pluto signing off!