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Chapter 11 – Stories about Ashleigh
'That's so sweet' Emily said with a smile. 'Can we meet her?'
Derek cleared his throat tears in his eyes. He laughed slightly and then he put his face in his hands, starting to cry. He told himself to stop crying as he never cries in front of his team but he couldn't and the tears wouldn't stop.
Penelope grimaced and took his hand, hoping to give him support and comfort him at the same time.
Emily and the team frowned, they had never seen Derek cry before, especially like this, he was normally the tough guy but now he only seemed the opposite, it was nice in a way to see him like this, not because he was crying but because it showed that he wasn't always the tough guy they knew.
They were starting to get worried about him as he hadn't moved, or said anything and he was still crying. 'Are you okay Derek?' Hotch asked softly.
Derek took a deep breath and nodded his head, getting rid of the tears. He looked up again slightly and took another deep breath to steady himself. 'Yea, I would love you to meet her… its just…' Derek started, and after a moment he felt a strange cold feeling, like a presence was near him. He smiled a bit and then put his blank face back on. 'She… Ashleigh… is dead…'
The team was in shock.
JJ was in shock. She looked at Derek and saw how pained he was and how this could somehow be a relief to him, to finally get that secret out.
Reid was in shock. Wow he thought. He started going through facts in his head. He couldn't believe Derek had to go through that. Derek was always so happy but inside he had this big secret and he couldn't help but wonder what other big secrets they all had but still hadn't told yet.
Rossi was feeling sad for Derek. He didn't deserve to go through that, no one did but with everything he had been through. It must have been really difficult for him to go through that, just like anyone would have difficulty. 'People who have good hearts, get hurt the most' Rossi thought to himself.
Penelope looked at Derek wanting to support him but not exactly knowing how. She was still having difficulty, having the knowledge that he was going to be a dad before and then lost his baby.
Emily got tears in her eyes, her mouth wide open. She didn't know, like everyone else at that moment what to say or do. She wanted to give him a hug but she didn't know whether that was what he wanted right now.
Hotch was in shock and for once he couldn't keep any emotion off his face. He knew at times like these that no words could comfort him; they just had to support him as much as they could. As a team! As a family, the family they were and had become.
Before anyone could say anything Derek said 'Ruby… my ex had a miscarriage when she was 7 months pregnant…' Derek told them all, a couple of tears making their way down his face. 'That's why I was being so over protective when Penelope was 7 months pregnant…' Derek explained, although he didn't need to. 'I never even got to see my baby daughter… she left before I even got to meet her' Derek said not bothering to hide the pain in his voice.
'Derek…' JJ started, she didn't know what to say though, it was difficult knowing he had been through something like that and hadn't said anything all this time. But like last time he opened up she was surprised because he was such a private person. 'I'm so sorry, especially for asking if you were still in love with the mystery person. It must have been hard for you to say that you weren't. I'm so sorry that you have been through that. Like I said last time, you can talk to us whenever you want, if you want… we're not going to push you to open up' she finished.
Derek finished the rest of his drink and closed his eyes, wanting to forget he told them anything. He nodded his head and said 'thank you and it's alright, you didn't know, I would've told you sooner… I just didn't know how'
Emily smiled. She was proud of him because this was a big thing in his life that was so obviously important to him. 'We understand Derek that you didn't know how, it's okay, we like that you told us about this' Emily told him.
Derek looked up at everyone. Grateful! He smiled at them saying thank you again. He didn't really want to talk about it anymore but since he had brought it up they would ask questions, he didn't have to answer them but they were so supportive so he would. He felt a massive weight life of his shoulders, now that he had told them, he felt so much better.
Hotch managed to actually say something. 'Derek, whatever you need, we're here for you, just let us know. It's good that you've told us, even if you didn't plan to…' Hotch told him quietly and softly.
Derek nodded his head 'I actually didn't plan on telling you yet, I really wanted to but I don't know…' Derek told them.
Penelope was doing silly patterns on Derek's hand and spoke up suggesting 'why don't you tell them about that dream you had'
Derek frowned at Penelope 'which dream, I've had loads…' he asked and kissed her on the head.
'The light one and the first one you told me about, when you told me… about the team' Penelope reminded him.
'Oh… that one… yea I could do that… she lives with us sometimes… basically I was having a dream and she said she had to go…' Derek said looking sad 'then she asked if she could lie down next to me… and like to make sure… oh she's so sweet… to make sure I knew she was there she said she would turn on the light next to our bed… anyway I woke up and… the light turned on… so I was like aw and it just made me happy, because it felt real… I mean that's the only way I can keep her around kind of…' Derek told them and they smiled.
'Oh yea and the team one... me and Ash, we were sitting by a lake… on the rocks with the sun going down. We were talking and laughing. She was telling me that we should be careful when we catch bad guys because mummy Penelope… her words, not mines… worries and she asked if I was still saving people, I told her I was but that we don't always save them… she said… "Don't worry daddy, you're my hero and Penelope's hero too, but you can't be everyone's hero, you can't save everyone daddy but at least you tried, isn't that most important, that's what you told mummy Penelope once…" I asked her where she gets her cleverness from and she said "maybe I get it from Dr Uncle Reid…"' Derek and the team smiled when he heard him say that. 'She is very fond of you… all of you… and then she asked "why does Uncle Hotch have a straight face most of the time"' Derek said and heard the team laugh. 'Oh and Emily she likes your hair and she said she loves everyone on this team, even if you don't know her… but then again I don't really know her either…' Derek said, shaking his head, tears in his eyes. 'She said family makes her happy and that family is important… my girl is clever' Derek said laughing slightly.
'Aw that's so sweet, well I definitely love her and yea she is clever… Dr Uncle Reid, aw that's adorable' Emily said smiling, the rest of the team agreeing with her.
JJ nodded her head 'I love her too, I am pretty sure she is beautiful'
Derek nodded and said 'I agree, in my dream she has dark brown eyes and long dark wavy hair and she looks beautiful… she said that about the dress I got her, the one you helped me choose, she said she loves it…'
Derek got up and walked into their bedroom getting his Ashleigh box.