Disclaimer: RM owns VA.
A/N: This chapter is more than 5,000 words, which is a lot longer than most of the others! Once I started I just couldn't stop, so I hope it's okay. Haha. OF COURSE IT IS. A lot happens in this chapter. A lot that I hope you will like. I just hope it's not too much.
Chapter Ten
As we rode together, the sun slowly met the horizon.
Every now and then, Dimitri would shoot me a look as if to check if I was okay.
I'll be honest, as we rode in silence, I took some time to myself to think about what had been said earlier.
Was there a point to being with him if we couldn't agree on this? Our whole lives were dedicated to our causes and I knew we wouldn't switch sides for each other. We were both too embedded in our own groups to leave them.
"Rose, we can turn around if you want..." Dimitri said, interrupting the silence. He pulled the reins of his horse until the horse came to a stop. I pulled up next to him.
Shaking my head, "No, I don't mean to be like this. I just - I wonder if there is a point to this if it isn't going to go anywhere?"
"What do you mean?"
"You know what I mean, Dimitri."
Dimitri sighed and nodded. After a long moment of silence, he asked, "Do you wish to no longer meet?" Just the thought made me sad.
"No, not at all. I'm sorry," I apologized, bringing my horse as close to his as possible. Leaning over, I gestured for him to meet me half way. His eyes looked over me and then he granted my wish. Inching closely, he chuckled slightly and then his lips brushed against mine.
Every part of me said that if we were on our own two feet, and not atop two horses, we would've continued that kiss...
Dimitri looked to me for confirmation to keep moving forward, and I nodded. With that, he let his horse continue to lead us.
"It seems we have some things to discuss," I tried, not wanting to go back to where we were a couple minutes earlier, but also not wanting to throw my conflicting thoughts away.
If you ignored a problem, it would never go away. It would just taunt you until you couldn't take it anymore.
"Yes, I suppose we do." His eyes bore into mine. "We still have a ways to go. How about we handle some of that talking now?"
I agreed.
"Well," I started, "I'm done with trying to tell myself to stay away from you because you're a royal soldier... obviously," I said, stating the obvious. It was evident that I had dismissed the fact that he was the enemy, or at least could overlook it, because we had been meeting up quite often. Almost every day this week we had met. "And you - you never seemed to think it a big deal that I am who I am." I noted, thinking back to how he had sought me out, and how he had been the one to make the first move as far as romance went. I thought for a moment longer, considering what had happened earlier. "Okay, maybe you did - or do - care... but you still pursued me and you're here with me now."
"You want my complete honesty?"
I nodded. "Nothing but."
"I struggled just as much as you did." He seemed to be at war with himself as he said his next words. "I still can't completely accept that you are Ibrahim Mazur's daughter," I flinched, "but I'm trying, because now that I've experienced this with you," he gestured to all around us, "I can't let you go."
I blushed in the evening light.
However, everything he said didn't seem to add up. "Wait a minute - if you had problems with my identity, then why did you make the first moves?" I thought back to our first kiss, remembering the wondrous look in his eyes. "If you had not made your intentions known, I would have never thought we'd become romantic. We would have never made it to this."
"I can't give you that answer," he admitted truthfully, looking me in the eyes so I could see his honesty, "because I don't know why I did it myself. Like I had admitted before, though, it was not just a manly urge. Since the first day I saw you in Royal Square, you were on my mind. You infiltrated my thoughts, and I did not know how to handle it. At first, I chalked it up as curiosity, but that was not the full truth. You intrigued me and I didn't like how it made me feel at first. I had never felt that way for someone - ever. That was why I was so rude to you the couple times after our first meeting - because I couldn't come to terms with my emotions."
My throat felt swollen and I had trouble swallowing. "And how do I make you feel?" I held my breath, waiting for an answer.
Suddenly, he pulled his horse to a stop and I noticed some very dim lights just in the distance. We had reached our destination.
Dimitri looked at the village ahead of us and then turned to me. "Like I could spend the rest of my life with you and be happy." Without sparing another look, he got off of Betta and then tied her to a tree limb. I suspected we were keeping our horses hidden in the forest to not alert anyone of our presence.
In silence, I got off of my own animal and tied him up as well. With my back facing Dimitri, I took a hold of a nearby tree to steady myself. He had just confessed something so large and I wasn't sure how to handle it.
My heart was beating a million times a minute and I almost felt dizzy.
After a few long breaths, I felt arms around wrap around my waist and I jumped. Dimitri could be very quiet when he wanted.
His lips caressed my ear before he whispered, "Did you not like what I said?"
My breaths were shaky as I inclined my head ever so slightly toward him. "No."
His arms loosened and he moved to pull back, but I quickly took his hands in mine to stop him.
"You didn't let me finish." I pulled one of his hands that I held to my lips, kissing it. Turning around in his arms, I placed his hands on my hips and then wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him down to me. "I wasn't acting like I did because I didn't like what you said." I looked into his eyes. "In fact, I liked it a lot. More than I can say. You just surprise me sometimes and I don't know how to react to you."
"Just be yourself."
I sighed.
Dimitri's hands dug into my hips a little bit, and his face looked frustrated. "Okay, what did I say wrong?" His probing eyes searched my face. "You liked my admission of love for you, but not my urging for you to be yourself? To react however you feel is right, to not think before you do anything, to not consider my opinion before you say something or do something. I want you to be yourself around me - to act like you would with your friends and family. Is there something wrong with me requesting that?"
Shaking my head I leaned against the tree just behind me and said, "Dimitri, you do not want me to be myself. I am Rosemarie Mazur, Ibrahim's daughter, and you don't like that, but guess what, that is who I am. As long as you dislike that, I can't feel the freedom to say whatever I please or do as I want. I don't feel completely safe with you yet," I shouted, my voice rising with each word, and then covered my mouth.
That last sentence had the power to ruin everything.
Dimitri's hands dug even tighter into my waist, to the point where it almost hurt, but I didn't pull away. Pulling away might've led to our demise.
He shook his head, disbelieving. "Why not?"
"Because of what was said! It was the truth, and I'm glad that you are honest with me, but it hurts that you can't put aside who I am. It was very hard for me to ignore who you were but I did! I still am, for crying out loud! You admit that you could be happy with me for the rest of your life, but it goes against what you think of me."
Dimitri's voice was steady and calm when he responded. "You want to know what I think?" His hands loosened around my waist. Looking down at the fabric of my dress, we realized he had made a few holes in the dress. He cursed at how harshly he had held me and then put his palms over my waist so as to soothe them.
I nodded, not bothering to say anything about the holes in my dress or how hard he really had held me. I had a feeling bruises would be there the next day, but I could handle that type of pain. I was strong.
His nose ran against my cheek before he kissed my lips chastely.
"I think you're dedicated and loyal to your village, and I respect that immensely. You and I are very alike in that aspect, but we're also very proud and somewhat stubborn." I nodded in agreement. "We're going to argue, because we both have strong personalities, but at the end of the day, it's why we're so compatible. We keep each other in line, and all the while, we get to do things like this." He smirked, squeezing my waist and then kissing me again.
It took me a second to realize that my anger and frustration was completely gone. I couldn't change him the same way he couldn't change me. He was completely right! We were so alike in that aspect, and I couldn't spend my time trying to change him or change what he believed. I wouldn't like it if he did that to me, so I had to give him the same treatment.
"You want to know something, Dimitri Belikov?" I grasped one of his hands in mine.
"Mmm?" He smiled fondly down at me.
"You have the ability to say exactly the right thing at the right time."
"I do, do I?" He smiled cheekily, realizing where this conversation was going.
Nodding, I tugged on his hand and pulled him toward the lights ahead of us.
"If you keep this up, there might just be something in it for you..." I trailed off, teasing him.
I had admitted I didn't feel one hundred percent safe with him yet, but that would only improve with time. And I had to put an effort into it. If I continued to tell myself that I wouldn't be safe with him, then I'd never let myself feel that way.
Dimitri was right, I was stubborn and proud, but maybe if I let him, he could help me fix that.
The walk to the lights, which I realized was a very small village outlier to Royal Square, didn't take as long as expected.
If we had traveled west, I was sure we'd end up in Royal Square. There were many villages like this that surrounded Royal Square. People who lived here often spent a lot less money on their houses and the cost of living was half of RS. However, because they lived in such close proximity to RS, it was easy for them to go into town for food or other necessities in case stocks ran low.
As we walked onto the cobblestone that defined the start of the town, Dimitri's hand gripped mine a bit tighter.
Before I could stop myself, I asked, "What is this place?"
He stopped walking and shushed me gently, holding a finger to his lips to warn me to be silent.
It was then that I realized how deathly quiet it was. I could hear the shaking of the tree leaves from a good distance away, rustling because of the powerful wind.
Silently, I let him lead me through a confusing map of streets. We had yet to pass one person, so I had to wonder why Dimitri was being this way. I would have understood if we were in Royal Square. He would have wanted to keep me quiet because of the risk of running into someone, but here the chances of that seemed unlikely. In fact, I could hardly hear anything other than the sound of feet padding against to floor.
I let my eyes wander all around us. The town was very run down and looked to be filled with people who struggled to make a living. Door to some homes were half broken. Wooden structures were worn down, and it was hard to figure out how it was possible for them to still exist. One particular house we passed looked abandoned. I could see all the way through it to the street on the other end.
However, as we got deeper into the town, which wasn't saying much, because it was rather small, the houses seemed more stable, and we passed by a few brick structures. Brick was the strongest type of material to use for buildings nowadays. Because my village was fairly new and when our group left RS, they had to build houses quickly, brick wasn't typically used there. It took longer to build with bricks and wood was simpler.
Royal Square, because of its opulence, had many brick structures.
Dimitri pulled me to the left, onto a thin passageway between buildings. It was too small for a road, but large enough for people to walk through. We stopped in front of a door. I looked at Dimitri curiously, wanting to ask the question that was on my lips, but the sound died off as Dimitri fumbled through his pocket and produced a set of keys.
I observed the keys closely. Most looked fairly new and nice, which led me to believe they opened doors in the castle that belonged to the Royals in RS. One stood out as different than the rest, though, and it was the one Dimitri singled out at this very moment. He eyed me once with an encouraging smile and then put the key in the lock of the door before us.
My mind clicked as he opened the door and stepped inside. He disappeared into the dark brick building for a moment and nerves overtook me. Should I have trusted him to lead me into this place I didn't know?
I chastised myself, reminding of what I had thought earlier.
I needed to allow myself to trust him. It was almost like I was being tested right now.
Leaning against the near wall, I waited for Dimitri to reappear. My eyes wandered to a window just beside the door. It was still dark inside, I could tell that much. Soon, though, a light came from inside. The window was very foggy and made of a type of glass that made one unable to make out distinct features inside. I could only see shapes, and observed as Dimitri's dark figure moved throughout the place.
I heard footsteps and saw that he stood at the doorway now.
He held a hand out to me and I took it, putting my trust in his hands.
As I took my first step past the doorway, I realized what this was. A house, a home.
My mouth dropped open as I took in my surroundings.
Dimitri closed the door behind us and turned the lock. To my right was a small table that held a few commonplace items. Food that didn't spoil quickly was on the table, and also a couple of fruits I recognized. There were also some that I didn't.
I picked one up that I wasn't familiar with, looked at it, smelled it. When I realized Dimitri staring, I put it down, pushing away the barbaric feeling that arose in me.
On the other side of the room was a wooden dresser and a bed. The bed was a larger size than the one I had. Mine could only hold one person, this one was large enough for two.
I ran my hand along the fabric, realizing it was made of a very soft material. It must've been expensive. From the seamstresses in Royal Square, maybe?
On the back wall was a door. I looked to Dimitri for permission and when he nodded, I approached it and opened the door. It was dark inside, but the light from the candles Dimitri had lit made it light enough to where I could just make out the room's features. It was room about the size of the main room.
I made out a large mirror on the wall nearest to the door and in the other corner was a bathtub. My eyes widened and I stepped inside. A bath tub in a house like this? In a town like this? Very rare. Only the richest of people owned bathtubs. I was shocked. As I got closer, my eyes adjusted and I only found myself even more dumbstruck.
It was a very nice bathtub, made of wood and held together by a metal piece that circled around the whole thing. I ran my hand along the edge, surprised that my hand came back with no splinters. This must have been made with much care and attention to detail.
Turning around, I raised an eyebrow at Dimitri. "What is this place?"
It was almost a mixture of poverty and the grandeur of Royal Square. The location and furniture in the room weren't as beautiful as the ones in RS, but the bathtub was certainly something of that level, as was the blanket on the bed.
"This is where I live," he said pointedly, his eyes watching me for any reaction. He seemed to be interested a lot in my opinion.
"You have a bathtub?" I asked, shocked. Stepping out of the darker bathroom, I sat on a chair that was seated beside the table with the food. He sat across from me, his tallness suddenly apparent in the somewhat small place. I was a bit confused. If he had the money to spend on the sheets of his bed and the bathtub, then why did he live here? Why did he insist on buying a smaller house in a smaller village?
If his occupation was in another town, then why didn't he stay there? Surely to Royals would have insisted on it? Especially if he was their main soldier.
A small smile caressed Dimitri's features as he nodded. "Yes, it was a gift." A gift? Who was rich enough to gift such a luxurious thing? The answer came to me at the same moment Dimitri said, "The Royal family gave it to me as a thank you for something I did."
Well, that was certainly nice of them, but why was the tax money they took from their citizens being spent on bathtubs? I sighed to myself, seeing as I'd never know the answers to questions like that. It was too hopeless to even wonder about.
"It must have been something spectacular to receive such a gift..."
He seemed modest as he filled me in. "Not really. I just managed to save the King and Queen's son from a dangerous lot of people."
"Rebels?" I asked, wanting to know more about Dimitri's heroic deed.
He shook his head. "Actually no. You'd be surprised at some of the identities of people who commit crimes in Royal Square."
"Well, then who was it?"
"A group of unruly citizens who didn't like the actions of the Prince. They attacked him as he walked back to the castle."
"So, rebels, basically," I said shortly.
Dimitri sighed and nodded. I suspected he didn't want to seem like he was talking bad about my group of people, but he couldn't avoid it. It was inevitable. Just the same way I was sure I'd badmouth the people he protected in the future. We just had to not take things personally and realize we weren't exactly like the people we lived and fought for.
We were tolerant of the other sides to some extent, at least as far as the other was concerned.
"And where are those people now?" I asked, wanting to hear him say it. I knew the answer, of course. Something inside of me just needed confirmation.
"Their heads are for show on the back side of the castle."
A weird sound came out of my mouth. The Royals were the type of people who cut off "criminal's" heads in public with guillotines and then paraded them around for show afterward. My mouth filled with what tasted like blood.
"That could happen to me," I noted, the faces of my friends and family going through my mind. "To everyone at my village."
Dimitri noticed my distress and reached for my hand. "I wouldn't let it happen to you." I didn't miss the fact that he only singled out me and not the rest of the rebels.
I looked him in the eyes. "You couldn't stop it. Even you don't have that power. I'm just another rebel to them. In fact, I'm probably worth more than most. I'm Abe's daughter. They could use me to get to him. You could use me to get to him."
He shook his head. "I wouldn't."
"You say that when we're alone, but what if we were in a room full of your soldiers, your Royals? Would you stand up for me then?" I didn't want to hear the answer to that, so I kept talking. "You're a loyal man, Dimitri. I can see that, so please don't make promises you know you cannot keep."
He sighed and kissed my hand as some sort of apology. We were silent from then on as my eyes made their way back to that unusual fruit on the table. With my free hand, I picked it up and looked to Dimitri.
"What is this called? I've never seen fruit like this before." I confessed, feeling a little embarrassed at my lack of knowledge.
Dimitri smiled and took the fruit from my hands. From somewhere in his clothing, he pulled out a pocket knife. The muscles in his arms moved as he did, and I greatly appreciated that during our meetings he wore regular clothing. It was nicer and cleaner than what I was used to, but he was a soldier so I understood, and he had to have made a great deal of money. Even if it was nothing compared to the Royals, he must have gotten some good pay. It wasn't my business to ask, though.
As he cut into the fruit, I asked, "Where is your armor?"
He wiped the knife off with a piece of cloth and then hid it back into his pockets. "Back in Royal Square."
"Oh..."
"This," he started, holding up the yellow half. Inside of the fruit, I could see pulp and some large lightly colored seeds. "This is a lemon."
"Lemon?" I asked, trying out the word. I felt like a little kid again, learning pronunciations of words I had never learned before. It made me feel a little insecure and inferior, because I didn't know anything about these so-called lemons.
Dimitri nodded, and ripped off a piece of bread from a larger loaf he had on the table. Now, bread I was accustomed to. In fact, I had made it before at home, but that was when I was much younger and my mother and I got along greatly. This was when she and I spent time together, which was a rarity in itself.
As he squeezed the lemon, a few seedlings and juice fell down on the bread. I watched curiously. "Lemons are not grown here, which is why you've never heard of them before. I had the opportunity of trying one with the Royals," I was surprised that the Royals seemed to be treating Dimitri kindly. Normally they were hostile toward their guards, or so I had heard. "When the Queen saw that I liked them so much, she gave me a few. Since then, she has requested to hold some aside for me."
"That was very nice of her," I noted, taking the bread as he handed it over to me. Taking a bite, I made an odd face as I tasted the sourness that the lemon juice provided. It was very different and new to me, which was why I had the reaction I did. But after taking a second bite, I found myself liking it...a lot. "This is really good. It adds a lot of flavor."
"You can take the other half home if you'd like."
"Really?" He nodded. "But it's your last one, and I'm sure they're very special and expensive." He had said they weren't grown here, so the Royals must have paid a pretty penny to get them sent here. I didn't want to know how much they had cost.
"I'd be happy to know it's in your possession. Trust me, it's nothing, and don't worry about the cost. The Queen hands them to me for free."
I smiled, nodding in admission, and then wrapped the unused half of lemon in a piece of cloth and stowed it away in the herb bag I had brought. It would be our little secret.
As I finished the piece of bread he handed me, I watched him as he watched me. The thought of it sounded peculiar, but we were content in just sitting in silence, whilst watching each other. He seemed very happy that I had liked the food he offered. Seeing the curve of his lip twitching into a smile aroused emotions in me I didn't know I had until he entered my life.
A thought entered my mind. "Do you think you could help me name my horse?"
He looked up from my lips. "You still haven't named him?"
I shook my head no. "Actually no. I like Betta's name, and since you knew so much about its meaning, I thought maybe you could help me?"
Dimitri smiled. "Well, what type of horse is he?"
"Well, he is loyal, like you, and handsome and obedient."
"Shall we name him Dimitri then?"
I laughed. "Handsome and loyal, you may be, but obedient? That's a stretch."
He raised an eyebrow, squeezing my hand that he still held, and then leaned over the table to get closer to me. "I can listen to orders when I want."
"From the Royals I'm sure," I said, "but I can't imagine you taking orders from me like my horse does."
"You never know, I might surprise you."
"Alright then. Here's your first order: Kiss me."
"Ah, see now that I can oblige to."
As he scooted his chair closer, and kissed me, I laughed inside. When the kiss ended, his eyes seemed to darken.
My voice was deeper and more breathy, I realized. "Okay, maybe you can be obedient." I looked down, feeling a bit shy at the way his eyes stared at me. It made me feel a warmth in a lower part of my body. Yes, in that part of my body.
"Roza..." Dimitri started, and came even closer. Of course, he had noticed the change in me. His face came to a stop right in front of mine. I licked my lips in anticipation. He was going to kiss me again, I could tell.
And he did.
The name conversation now long forgotten, Dimitri grasped me by the hips and pulled me onto his lap. I straddled him, realized that he seemed quite affected by me as well. As we kissed, I thought of his naked body that day at the lake. Surprising my own self with that, I pulled back for a minute to catch my breath. This kiss was getting heated very quickly.
In the moment I pulled away, I should've known what would come next. Dimitri had done this often. When I'd pull away from his lips to breath, he would go down toward my neck and trail kisses there. I groaned.
The feeling in my nether regions intensified and I needed some type of friction, so I moved my hips against his and moaned at the feeling.
The thought hit my mind that maybe it was time. Maybe we were going to take that step. The step that I was sure Lissa already had done, seeing as she had spent many nights at Christian Ozera's house.
I had been so busy these past few nights that we hadn't had a proper conversation about it, but now I wished we had, because I had a feeling that was where this was going to lead and it would've been nice to get some pointers.
There was nothing to stop us now. We had a bed, we had privacy.
I had never thought I'd have sex so young, because no man had ever interested me, but now that it seemed to be probable that it was going to happen, I was ecstatic, but very nervous. I had never been intimate with anyone. In fact, Dimitri had taken me the furthest ever when he had groped me a few nights ago.
We had only known each other for a few months, and we hadn't started our romance until just last week. Did things move this quickly with all relationships? Would I be seen as a whore if I had done this with him?
As he pulled at the shoulder of my dress, slipping it down my arm, I realized I didn't care. It didn't matter, because I loved him.
I loved him.
It didn't matter that this was in secrecy or that my head might end up on a stick in Royal Square. Just the possibility of me ending up like that encouraged me to make love to Dimitri even more, because time was fleeting. As my father's men had implied, the rebellion was coming soon and it was possible that I would be killed or captured.
I didn't want to regret stopping what was happening.
Now that the opportunity was here, I realized how much I wanted this to happen.
Dimitri nipped at my shoulder and his hand slipped down the other side, so my dress only just covered my breasts. I still wore undergarments, but they were very see through.
Stopping for a moment, I leaned my forehead against his and looked him earnestly in the eyes.
"Do you love me?"
"Yes, Roza," he said without hesitation. A grin broke out on my face.
"I love you too, Dimitri." He kissed me again and pulled at the fabric covering my upper torso.
I hesitated. I was nervous. "I've never - I'm still..."
He seemed to understand and nodded. "I'll be gentle with you, Roza."
With one more kiss, he took me to bed.
A/N:I feel like the romance is getting more important in the story, which is not a bad thing at all! I just hope it's not coming on too strong, or too quickly. They've only been really together for about a week. Let me know if it's going too fast. Don't forget to let me know what you think! The next chapter shall certainly be something to look forward to!