Chapter Eleven: The Truth Behind Twenty-Two Years Of Lies

The wound upon my back had been sealed quietly as I looked at Alexander, he was looking into my eyes as if searching for something. I looked away from him for a moment knowing the answer to my question already, I had known there was something special about her when I had tried to kill her mother.

"I was there that night..." I said quietly as I looked to the side of me, I could feel Alexander's gaze upon me but I continued to speak before he could interrupt.

"I was there when her parents were killed." I couldn't bring myself to look in his eyes.

It was hard for me to admit that I had been the one to cause Clarisa so much pain, that I had been the one to leave her orphaned. I realised after that night when I couldn't bring myself to kill her that I had regretted that decision almost immediately, death would have been a better fate than what I gave her.

Alexander locked eyes with me and we both were drawn into the memory I had worked so hard to repress but in this instant, I needed him to know what had actually happened that night.

It had been just after seven when I locked eyes on the house upon the hill, it was cold but not winter chilly yet. I was feeling excited as I thought of what I needed to do for the Dark Lord, he had explained that the people I was to kill were traitors and deserved a swift death only because of their pure-blooded statue. It is why I was doing this alone and not with the other death eaters I had just joined, my task would not only please the Dark Lord but would also seal the ritual of joining within the ranks.

I could feel Alexander's presence, he was letting the memory run through without filtering it.

I was walking up toward the house with my cloak wrapped tightly around me and my hood drawn over my head concealing my face and identity, apprehension was stirring and making my stomach flip. I leaned up against the wall of the side of the house while pressing my ear to the wall, I could hear a man and a woman then my breath hitched, there was a child with them. My gut tightened and not in a good giddy feeling sort of way, for a spit second I began questioning what I was suppose to do. I was young and logic did not always win with me.

I scaled the wall toward the front as my gut tightened, something was wrong, it was telling me that this might not be as easy as I had anticipated. I came upon a window and took a chance to glance inside,

The memory froze and I saw Alexander's mouth thin into a miserable frown, he could see my memory but could not know that I was beginning to piece together that he and the girl outside of the school might be related. My memory was focused upon the woman who sat at the table, he released the spot that was frozen and the memory continued.

I ducked back against the wall hoping that I was not seen, luckly there had been no pet to alert them to my presence. I found it curious that there was no warning system but I would soon be proven wrong as I slipped under the window and placed my hand upon the wooden door, a layer of my skin was peeled from my palm and I bit my tongue stopping myself from cursing out loud. I heard rustling inside and drew to my fullest heigth, it was now or never. I kicked the door open not knowing if the door would repel magic, I was faced with a man with dirty red hair and hazel colored eyes. I hesitated on attacking seeing the man before me defenseless, my wand was stowed away in my travel cloak as I looked the man up and down.

"Who are you and what are you doing here?" The man spoke with tremoring cofidence.

The memory froze again and I looked away from Alexander, his lips were parted as if he wanted to say something. I sighed,

"I figured it out Alexander," I looked back at him but it seemed he had not heard me, "You and Clarisa and her parents are related, I just haven't figured out in what way."

"Just look at me...please..." Alexander's tone was hauntingly distant.

I locked eyes with him again and the memory picked right back up, I straightened my back and rested upon the back of the chair.

I refused to speak as I stepped closer taking in my surroundings with cunning speed, the woman and the daughter were near the kitchen in a two room cabin. We were standing in the main room which housed the kitchen, living room and dining room in one tight space. The man stepped sideways to put himself between me and his family, my head snapped back to him.

"I will ask again, who are you and why are you here?"

"I am here to be your judge, jury, and executioner. Who I am does not concern you, you will not be alive long enough to do anything about my identity."

"Who sent you?"

The man demanded only serving to piss me off, I withdrew my wand and pointed it straight at his chest. I went to open my mouth but was silenced by the woman chanting in a language I knew nothing of,

"Silentium in hoc loco malo."

I tried to speak but my voice had no sound, I reverted to my wordless magic and shot a slicing hex at her. She had deflected it but had lost the grip upon me with her spell, I quickly turned back to the man and raised my wand once more and before she could stop me, the killing curse slipped from my lips.

A piercing scream made me look toward the woman as she cried out but refused to move away from her daughter, her husband dropped to the ground with a resounding thud at my feet. I stepped over him with my wand now pointed at her, she pushed her daughter back and stood proudly as I stopped. She was quite tall for a woman, nearly standing as tall as me.

"Reveal yourself." She spoke as she raised her hand.

The memory didn't freeze this time but I saw Alexander's face twist with sorrow and a longing that I knew all too well, I began to wonder just what this woman meant to him.

My hood snapped back like someone had grabbed it and yanked it down from the top of my head, my hair was static riddled as I refused to break eye contact with her. I could not read her mind as I tried to get just a hint of what she was thinking or going to do, she had began to slightly scare me as we stared each other down for several long minutes.

Alexander's mouth twitched with a slight smirk before going back to a scowl, I suddenly felt a prick of anger toward him knowing what he was smirking about.

I removed my mask to let her see my identity, it mattered not because I knew I would have to kill her even if it was against my own morals. Her crimson colored eyes burned into mine as I lifted my wand, she was quicker however and had my wand from me with a simple lift of her hand. I knew right then that this was indeed going to be very difficult and I was proven right this time when she moved her hand to the left and I was thrown into the wall beside me, I called for my wand silently as my body went rigid. She walked closer to me and I could see the murder raging in her eyes, she was lifting her hand slowly and my body followed suit up the wall. I was a good foot off of the ground as she closed her hand into a fist, my throat was being constricted by the air around it. My wand flew to my hand with one last ditch effort to get it wordlessly, I pointed it toward her stomach and casted my spell.

Alexander's mouth twitched again and I wondered if he just might try to kill me with what look I was seeing in his eyes, I broke eye contact once again as my mind quickly pieced his reactions together. The woman was either his sister or a woman he deeply cared about and couldn't have, I chastised myself knowing that was exactly what had happened to me with Lily and I'd hoped that it was not the same. Alexander had become what I never thought I could have, he had become a friend though I would never admit it out loud. I didn't want to continue the memory in sake for him, but I didn't have a choice as he asked me to continue.

The flesh over her stomach was sliced clean open spraying blood upon the entirety of my body, she released me as her hands flew to her stomach. I was distracted as her hands began to glow an angelic blue, I could hear the sizzling of skin but she wasn't burning her flesh, it was mending. She had staunched the blood flow and had nearly all of the wound closed when my fighting instincts kicked in telling me I needed to kill her before she killed me, I pointed my wand at her knowing I could not perform the curse without it and casted. The jet of green light did not travel far before making contact with her chest, her head immediately snapped up to look at me and my face drained of what little color; if any, it had left. The murderous look was still there and the spell had not worked, my entire body froze, my mind locked up and I couldn't move.

She stood up and walked up to me, our bodies only milimeters from each other. I could feel the tickle of her sweet breath on my cheek as I was frozen with fear, her hand pressed softly against my abdominal area. My eyes grew wide as a white hot pain shot through my body, I felt my skin, muscles and innards being shredded with something being pressed through my body and out of my backside. I tasted copped in my mouth as it quickly gathered and escaped past my lips to trail down to my chin and neck, the air in my lungs had been stolen from me as a whizzing gasping noise issued from my throat. I could feel my magic already trying to seal the wound but it was struggling against whatever the woman had done, she wasn't done yet.

She wrapped her hand around my throat and whispered in my ear,

"You will not harm my daughter, you can do what you want with me but promise you will take care of her. I know why you are here, I have been expecting this for some time."

She looked at me for a long pause then spoke again,

"Promise me Severus, promise me that you will keep Clarisa safe no matter what happens. She will need you and I want you to promise that you will not let anything happen to her, do you promise?"

I tired to speak as my brain tried to register that she knew my name when I had never introduced myself, I mouthed the word yes and nodded at the same time. She let go of my throat,

"Say that you promise, it will become binding when you speak it."

I didn't argue, I didn't think. My sense of honor prohibited me from saying no seeing as I had no intentions on harming the little girl, Voldemort knew nothing of her and I was not going to spill innocent blood.

"I promise to keep Clarisa safe no matter what happens, I promise to let nothing happen to her and that I will always be there when she needs me."

I felt a sudden tingling sensation over the pain but it faded and I was left with my head spinning from blood loss and brief lack of oxygen, she let me go and withdrew what looked to be a long silver dagger from my stomach. I fell back against the wall holding my stomach then slid down to the floor, she kneeled in front of me as my vision swam.

"I'm sorry I had to do this to you, it's just in my nature. I should have just walked outside when I sensed you by the window, might have spared your injuries."

I was confused as she pressed her hand back against my stomach after removing my hand, I let it fall to the floor as my strength was leaving me. Despite everything that had gone horribly wrong I couldn't help but find the beauty in her as she murmured incantations beneath her breath in the same language I had heard earlier, her crimson colored eyes were captivating and I wished to myself that I could have met her under different circumstances. I made a silent vow as I felt my body healing from what she was doing, I was never going to harm another woman unless absolutely nessessary.

"Are you feeling any better Severus?"

I nodded. I was really starting to regret that I might have to kill her, I didn't want to now but if I didn't I would be killed by Voldemort.

"When you are ready, I will walk you out and you can do what you need to do. I just don't want it done in front of my daughter." She paused and I looked at her as my vision started to normalize, "Spells do not work on me as you probably have already noticed. You however do have one spell that does, use it again and aim for a vital, I would prefer a quick death but I know that your 'Dark Lord' likes it messy. So aim for my throat, its quick enough and bloody so that he will be satisfied."

"I can't..." I whispered and it was true.

My body and mind were protesting any act of violence against the woman that was still kneeling in front of me, her hand had remained on my stomach and I could feel her soft skin against my cold flesh. Her skin was so much warmer than my own.

I stood but swayed slightly using the wall to regain my balance, I looked for Clarisa; her daughter, and found her sitting against the wall in the kitchen. Her demeanor puzzled me as she was not frightened or confident, she was passive as she merely looked at me. The woman drew my attention back to her,

"Shall we go then?" She pointed to the door.

Alexander broke eye contact but I could not shut the memory down as I felt hot liquid brimming my eyes, my lips parted as a lump had formed in the throat. I had intentionally skipped a part of the memory and was thankful he had not caught on,

She walked over to her daughter bringing her over to where I rested against the wall, her daughter was staring at me but she was hesitant on approaching me. I tried to smile at her but was in too much pain to even curve the ends of my mouth, the woman brought her closer and started to speak to her.

"This is Severus, he is going to be taking care of you when I am gone."

"But mommy where are you going? What happened to daddy?" Clarisa looked frightened as she hugged her mother tightly.

I felt a twinge of self hatred as I looked at her, she was so young for me to have to put her through this. The woman dragged my attention back to her,

"Daddy is in a better place and soon I will be too," She paused and looked at me then grabbed my hand and Clarisa's hand.

She placed Clarisas into mine and I wrapped my fingers gingerly around her tiny hand, I could feel some of my strength coming back to me as I tried to shift to sit up from slouching against the wall. Clarisa stepped closer to me as I sighed in pain and relief as I managed to put my back completely flat against the wall, I could see the curiousity beginning to burn in her eyes as she looked at the flesh that was exposed on my stomach.

"It's rude to stare Clarisa," She placed a hand on my shoulder trying to show her daughter that she trusted me, "Now, you will be a good girl for him right?"

"Yes mommy." Clarisa answered as she was getting as close as possible to me.

"Good. Now Severus and I need to go have a talk soon, I want you to stay inside and wait for him to come and get you," She turned Clarisa to face her and I could see the tears beginning to form, "You know I love you, I always will."

Tears were now falling and I hid my face from Alexander, I knew I couldn't tell him the truth, not yet.