Chapter 11: Strings of Tension


Like bird on a wire,
Like a drunk in a midnight choir,
I have tried…in my way…to be free.
--Leonard Cohen

The world is all gates, all opportunities,
strings of tension waiting to be struck.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson

Addy was relieved to have Remus as a guide through the castle, since she had no idea how to find her way around and was beginning to wonder if she ever would.

As they wended their way through the corridors to the Great Dining Hall, she saw that he hadn't been fibbing, or even exaggerating, when he'd said that the castle was in chaos. House elves scrambled to and fro with supplies, setting up the House dormitories and Common Rooms, scouring floors, shining up statues and banisters…anything they could get their rags on, really. Even the portraits bustled as their occupants tried to tidy up for the Big Day tomorrow. In one corner, a knight of armor was clanking away with a cloth and a tin of iron polish, and in another, a stone gargoyle discreetly clipped and buffed his toenails.

Many of the classrooms were empty—their occupants already on their way to dinner—but as they walked past, Addy could see that they weren't in much better shape than her own. It seemed as if at least half the castle would be up late tonight preparing for the new term. Inside the Charms classroom, Professor Flitwick was standing on a desk, barely visible behind piles of textbooks that he was frantically trying to sort.

Remus called to him, "Professor…do you need any help with those books?"

Flitwick looked up distractedly. "What? Oh no, Remus. Thank you, thank you. Good to see you again." he waved at them absent-mindedly. Then, noticing Adelaide, he said, "Oh, hello dear. Lovely to have you aboard."

"Which one is he, again?" Addy whispered to Remus.

"Flitwick," he whispered back, out of the corner of his mouth.

"Thank you, Professor Flitwick," she called with a wave and a smile, wondering for the hundredth time what she'd do without Remus' help.

"OK, Professor, but you'd better hurry or you'll be late for Dinner," Remus said.

"Yes, yes…" came the response from inside the room, so the two companions walked on.

The staircases were in rare form, and it took twice as long as usual to navigate them. Adelaide remembered Dumbledore's comment about how they were warming up for the students, but she thought it seemed more like they were in training for the Staircase Olympics. Adding to the clamor were Filch and Mrs. Norris running up and down as they chased the ever-elusive Peeves.

The sight of Addy and Remus together was more than Peeves could resist, so he floated over to them, making rude sounds.

"I see Professor "Loopy" has found himself a tasty little bone to gnaw on. Mmmmm, yes, tasty indeed. Yummy yum…save a bit for me, will you?"

They did the wisest thing and ignored him, but he continued to carry on in that vein until, mercifully, the Bloody Baron showed up to shoo him away.

"A thousand pardons, my Lady," said the ghost, bowing, before taking off down the hallway after Peeves, who was literally bouncing off the walls.

They ran into Sirius and Madam Hooch animatedly discussing broom models in the large entranceway, just outside the door to the Dining Hall. Sirius gave Remus a raised eyebrow when he saw him arm in arm with Addy, and Remus shot him a look back, but Addy didn't notice. She was too busy peering inside the Hall to see if Snape was already there. He was. Along with Dumbledore, MacGonagall, and about half of the staff, he was seated at an enormous round table in the middle of the room, a sour look upon his face.

The four of them—Remus, Addy, Sirius and Hooch—entered the Dining Hall together, just as the remaining staff members came dashing in. In the scramble of greetings and seatings, she ended up right in between Snape and Lupin.

Snape's close proximity had the same effect on her as it had earlier in the day. Something about him was screwing with her normal emotional navigational systems—in other words, something about Snape threw off her intellectual sonar, and had her flying on instinct. This meant she could either soar, or crash.

She found herself growing increasingly agitated throughout the meal. He had apparently bathed and shaved before dinner, and a melange of earthy fragrances wafted continuously in her direction, awakening deep, primeval, inner springs of desire.

She picked at her food and tried not to steal glances at him. From the corner of her eye, she could see his plate, which appeared untouched. Every now and then she would catch a glimpse of his hand, or their elbows would bump, and each time she felt her heart beat oddly.

She was furious at this effect he was having on her, and her mood grew darker as the minutes ticked by and she struggled with herself for mastery over her emotions. 'Stop it,' she scolded herself. 'You're acting like a schoolgirl!' Her brain fought valiantly for command, but her heart…and other organs…suddenly seemed to have a mutinous mind of their own. She was used to having things under control, always on guard, and found herself wrestling in vain to subdue the commotion within her as she shifted in her seat.

Her thoughts raced to their afternoon encounter in her office, and she found herself straining to remember every moment of him, every scent, every detail of his appearance and movements. Her hands started to sweat when she recalled how they had felt tangled up in his, how his silky hair had brushed her face when she'd leaned against him. She remembered how close her face had been to his neck, almost close enough to taste him…

It was as though their brawl had been a kind of prelude—a passionate dance, or musical piece, that had been cut short just as it started to build, leaving the tension unbearably unresolved. 'What was it that had caused him to leave so abruptly?' she wondered.

And then she remembered—or rather heard for the first time—the harsh words that had come out of her mouth, which had chased him out of her office. What must he think?

Conversation had been strained throughout dinner, since everyone appeared to have work on their minds. Dumbledore tried to keep the chatter lively, but even he had trouble lightening the mood.

Suddenly, she became aware that everyone around the table was looking at her curiously…everyone except Snape, that is, who had hardly looked up all evening. Remus gave her a gentle kick under the table. Dumbledore said, "Addy?"

"Huh?"

Minerva chimed in, "You seem to be lost in your thoughts, Adelaide. The Headmaster has just asked you how the groundwork for your class is going."

"Oh, I'm sorry. Yes. Fine. Thanks." She prayed that she did not look as flustered as she felt, and dared not glance over at Snape. Looking down at her plate, she added hastily, "Remus has been an invaluable help." She thought she heard an almost inaudible snort from Snape's direction. Then again, it could have been just the scraping of someone's chair.

With a sigh of resignation, Dumbledore finally gave in just as dessert appeared on their plate, and said that anyone who needed to get back to work could be excused. Almost all the professors got up and left with hasty good-byes, with the exception of the members of the Order. Their meeting was to begin immediately following dinner.

Addy became aware of how eager she was for the day to get around to her strategy session with Snape…just to have the chance to be alone with him again. She couldn't wait to see the flash of hope and excitement in his eyes when she told him all that she knew of Voldemort's plans. And she promised herself that she would apologize for having been so rude and callous to him earlier. She couldn't, of course, tell him the real reasons for her abruptness, but she would think of something to say. She was glad for the early start of the meeting of the Order, because it meant that she would get to be alone with him again that much sooner.

'Stop it, stop it, stop it!' nagged the Voice. 'You must focus, Adelaide, or you will ruin everything…again!'

Just then, Hagrid burst through the door of the Dining Hall. Addy had never seen such a large man. She knew that Voldemort had been trying to establish relations with the last of the Giant race that lived in the hills, yet she had never actually witnessed one.

Hagrid had been, perhaps, the busiest of them all, since he was not only responsible for his Care of Magical Creatures class, but for the entire Hogwarts grounds as well. Just getting the Quidditch pitch ready for the start of practice had taken nearly a month of the summer. He apologized profusely for missing dinner, and they all stood up to make their way to Dumbledore's office. Snape walked ahead of the group, quietly discussing something with the Headmaster.

Sirius had paid Hagrid a visit on the grounds earlier in the day to offer his help, and had told Hagrid all about Adelaide. As they walked, he sidled up to introduce her to the half-giant, and Addy had to crane her neck way back to look at him. Hagrid, who had an innate distrust of all things associated with Voldemort, wasn't sure how he felt about another former Death Eater in their group, despite the fact that he had grown to trust and respect Snape immensely, and would never outwardly question Dumbledore's judgment. Yet he was essentially a man who relied more on instinct than reason, and when she looked up at him with her genuine, open smile, his feelings toward her softened.

"Er, I unerstand that Dumbledore…er…sorta found you himself," he said.

"Yes, sort of. It's because of his kindness that I'm here. He was willing to give me a second chance," she replied.

Then they both said in unison: "He's a great wizard, Dumbldeore." And Hagrid was instantly won over.

The meeting took place in a secret chamber, accessed through a door hidden by a portrait hanging on one of the walls of the Headmaster's office. Dumbledore uttered the password—"Tailfeather Taffy"—and stood aside as the portrait swung open and the group ushered through, one by one, including Fawkes. The room was plain except for some maps on the wall, and a large round wooden table with seats for everyone around it. Fawkes perched on the back of Addy's chair, and she fed him some scraps she'd saved from dinner.

The Headmaster began the meeting by explaining Addy's true background to the members who hadn't already heard it. They listened solemnly, eyes wide with amazement and concern. Addy was glad that she hadn't eaten much, since her stomach once again turned at the telling of her story. She hoped this would be the last time she would have to hear or tell it for a while. At one point, she glanced up, to find Snape looking at her. What was that in his eyes— suspicion…or compassion??? When he realized he'd been caught staring, he quickly looked down and began to examine his fingernails in earnest, and didn't look up again for a long time.

There was some discussion about her role as a double agent. Many of the members worried about her safety, and the enormous risk she'd be taking. Addy and Dumbledore argued fervently on her behalf, and while Snape kept silent and did not step up to her defense, Addy was glad that he at least did not voice any of his earlier objections. He seemed to have resigned himself to the fact that she was here to stay.

They were finally able to convince the others that with the information only Addy could provide, they had a chance at thwarting Voldemort's Death Eater attacks and possibly, if they were lucky, break through to his compound.

Once they were all in agreement, Addy was officially sworn in. The next order of business was a controversial proposition from Dumbledore: he wanted to make Harry Potter a member of the Order. This time, Snape did not remain silent, but rather, argued vociferously against it. At one point, Addy thought that he and Sirius might come to blows over the question.

Dumbledore insisted that, for reason's understood by nobody including himself, Harry Potter was inextricably tied to Voldemort. He strongly believed that Harry was destined to be a part of Voldemort's ultimate downfall. Finally, the support of the other members outweighed Snape's objections. He sulked into a corner as it was agreed that Harry would be invited to join in a few weeks, after he'd had a chance to settle into his fifth year at Hogwarts.

Hagrid gave an update on the work he and Madame Maxine had done with the giants over the summer. It was slow going, but overall he thought there was a good chance for positive relations with a little more work. Hagrid confirmed that some of the Giants were already on Voldemort's side. Addy was able to offer some information about Voldemort's communications with them, and, with Snape's grudging approval, the three of them arranged a meeting time to discuss how to proceed.

Dumbldeore then announced that Snape and Addy would be working together on nightly strategy sessions to figure out how they would divide and approach their work within Voldemort's compound, and that they would be giving weekly status reports to the group. Addy smiled when the Headmaster announced that Lupin and Sirius would stay at Hogwarts for a few weeks, to await their "marching orders." She was glad that her new friends would be around for a while. But her mood turned abruptly with their leader's next statement.

Dumbledore turned to her with a kind smile and said, "I realize that you are eager to begin your work with Severus, my dear."

'What does he mean by that?' she wondered to herself. She already knew that he could read her like a book. What had he seen at dinner? 'Stop it, Adelaide, before you make a fool of yourself!' came the reprimand from the back of her head.

"However," continued Dumbledore, "in light of all the work you have to do to prepare for the start of the term tomorrow, I think you and Severus should postpone your first strategy session, at least until tomorrow night, following the Sorting Feast."

Addy's mouth flew open in protest. She looked furiously over at Lupin, suspecting that he had said something to Dumbledore. Sensing what she was thinking, he subtly threw up his hands and shook his head in response, indicating that he had said nothing.

"No, Headmaster!" she nearly shouted. When she saw two white, furry eyebrows go up, she realized that she needed to get a grip on herself. Forcing some equanimity into her voice, she continued, "I mean, it's ok. I'm fine. We have it all planned out and everything is on schedule. Besides, I don't think there is a minute to waste. I can handle it. I'm fine." She looked to Snape for support, but he was avoiding her gaze.

"Adelaide," he responded firmly, "your zeal is most appreciated. However, we must remember that our students come first—always—and I want you well-rested for the start of the term. I realize that you have quite a load on your plate. We have waited this long for you…I hardly think that one more day will make such a terrible difference."

Addy started to protest again, but a glare from Minerva shut her down instantly. Apparently, Dumbledore had made his decision and the case was closed.

Addy reeled inside from anger and disappointment. She knew it was just one more day, but the turmoil that had building inside her ached for some relief. She turned the question over and over in her head—what had caused Dumbledore to change his mind?—until she was a quivering mess of paranoia.

Dumbledore then called an end to the meeting, and everyone stood up. She saw Snape rush for the door without a word or a glance at anyone. He muttered the password and practically flew out of the room. Adelaide stared after him in confusion. Why hadn't he joined her in protesting the cancellation of their session?

And then…everything clicked into place. It was Snape! That's what he had been whispering about to Dumbledore earlier, as the group had made their way to the Headmaster's office. It had been his idea to call off their meeting tonight!

Blind with confusion and need, she hastily excused herself from the group and raced after him, spotting him at the bottom of the spiral staircase. "Snape!" she called as she clambered noisily down the stairs, but he ignored her and quickened his pace. She ran to catch up with him and grabbed his elbow to fling him around, finding herself face to face with a glare brimming over with torment.

"Why?" was all she asked.

"I have work to do," he replied, looking away.

"WE have work to do…together, remember?" she pleaded.

He couldn't tell her that he simply wasn't ready to be alone with her again, so close yet unable to reach out and hold her as he so desired. Just standing here in front of her made him yearn to thrust his fingers into her hair, pull her close and kiss her with all the passion he'd held in check for so many years. He was stalling for time, hoping to get his emotions under control so that he could smother these feelings he had, and to keep her at arm's length, at least until…

No, he couldn't tell her that. So he said simply, "We'll work tomorrow."

Addy said, "If it's about what I said before…"

He didn't want to think about "before"…he was trying his damnedest to forget about it. She was still holding firmly onto his arm, and he desperately needed her to let him go…to let him retreat to the refuge of his seclusion. So he mustered up his most vengeful voice and cut her off with, "In the meantime, I'm sure you'll have a pleasant evening with your newfound friends."

With that, he wrenched his arm away from her and strode off, leaving her staring after him, hurt and rejected. So she shouted out the first stupid, spiteful thing that popped into her head: "Yes, I'm sure we will!" She watched his robes billow out as he turned a corner and disappeared.

Brooding, she turned and headed off in the opposite direction, towards her own classroom, where she threw herself into the work of clearing away the broken pixie cage. She banged the pieces around and broke them violently in half, muttering to herself like a child in the midst of a tantrum.

By the time Sirius and Remus arrived at her classroom door, Addy was in a Very Bad Mood. The sight of them only reminded her of Snape's parting quip.

"Listen," she said, scowling, "it's very kind of you to offer to help me tonight, but it's really not necessary. I can handle this on my own. Why don't you go see if Hagrid needs some help, or go take the night off in Hogsmeade. There will be plenty of work for everyone in the coming weeks."

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise, and said lightheartedly, "Nothing doing. We had a date, and Sirius Black never breaks a promise."

When she tried to protest further, he shoved a fireberry tart into her mouth. "Besides, I swiped a bunch of desserts from the kitchens, since you didn't even touch your dinner, and I also got this nice bottle of Willowine from the cellars, and a pot of strong black coffee to get us through the night. So eat your tart and then give me something to do."

Their kindness, friendship, and indomitable humor eventually won her over, and they spent the next few hours eating, joking, and taking orders from Remus. 'Hah,' Addy thought to herself. 'Snape was right…this is a pleasant evening after all.' The distraction of work had helped her put things into perspective. She knew he couldn't avoid her forever, and it was only one more day before she'd have her chance alone with him. 'Let's see him try to wiggle out of tomorrow's session,' she mused with a smile.

Around two in the morning, Sirius stretched and yawned. Addy suggested that they call it a night and they arranged to start up again at nine the next morning, after breakfast. "Ok," said Sirius, "but it won't be pretty." He gave her a hug that lasted just a few seconds too long, and took off down the hall to his temporary chambers.

Addy told Remus that she just wanted to finish assembling and charming the model she'd been working on, which was supposed to demonstrate the sleeping and eating habits of trolls, but was giving her fits of frustration. She sat at her desk struggling with the pieces.

"OK," he said. "I'll finish transferring these notes while you do that—they're a mess. I want to make sure that you really do turn in at some point tonight. We're ahead of schedule, and besides, remember what Dumbledore said about getting some rest."

A half an hour later he realized that the room had grown remarkably silent, and he looked up from his work to see Addy, fast asleep at her desk, the model in pieces before her. He chuckled to himself and went over to where she sat, gazing down at her over her shoulder.

"Addy," he said softly. She stirred, turning her head so he could see her in profile. Her hair had fallen away to the side and he saw the most peaceful smile playing across her lips. Her robe had also shifted, exposing the graceful curve of her shoulder.

He just stood and watched her sleep for a few more minutes. Merlin's beard!--she was enchanting.

His eyes followed the curve of her long eyelashes, the line of her cheekbone, and the soft whisps of hair just behind her delicate ears. How he longed for her to feel his touch, to know how he hadn't stopped thinking of her all day…the spark he'd felt when they'd first shook hands…how she made him light up inside every time he saw her smile…how happy it made him to make her happy.

"Addy," he said again, softly. This time, she didn't stir. She seemed to be in quite a deep sleep, so he reached out a tentative finger and stroked the sensitive spot at her hairline, ever so gently, watching intently for the faintest sign of movement.

This close, he could once again breath in her sweet jasmine scent. A powerful yearning was welling up inside of him. He continued to lightly stroke the back of her neck, trailing his fingers in little patterns along her pale skin. His face had inched closer to hers, and when he softly blew on her neck, she uttered a deep, slow "mmmmmmm" that got his heart racing. He felt a bead of sweat make its way down his back.

Remus summoned his courage, bent down, and let his lips lightly graze over her, his hot breath tracing the patterns he'd made earlier. His breath was coming hard and fast now, but he fought to tame his fervor so as not to wake her.

When he kissed her again, he reached out the tip of his tongue to gently tickle the taut flesh behind her ear. He ran his tongue over his own lips, savoring the salty sweetness of her. Then he heard the music of her sigh, and she murmered something unintelligible. Fearing she might be wakening, he looked down at her face. He saw that she was still smiling and seemed to be asleep, although she had parted her mouth. He watched the movement of her soft lips as she whispered something again, although he still couldn't make out the word.

As he bent down closer to hear what she was saying, he saw a silvery line of something wet fall upon her exposed shoulder. He backed away a bit, wondering what it was and where it had come from.

And in the next second, Addy's eyes flew open. She gripped the desk, and screamed in terror and agony, as three-inch razor sharp claws—his claws—buried themselves at the back of her neck, gouging deep, bloody trenches down the full length of her spine.


Remus woke with a start…the sound of her scream echoing in his ears. Addy heard him wake and chuckled, saying, "You looked so peaceful, I didn't want to wake you." Then she looked up at him from across the room. She couldn't see his face, but it was apparent that he was trembling.

"Remus?" she said, concerned. "Are you okay?"

He turned a pale, sweat-coated face to her. "What day is it?" he asked frantically.

"It's August 31st…well, September first now, of course," she said glancing out the window at the dark night. "The first day of the term, remember?" she said with an uncertain smile, trying to calm him down.

She got up to go to him, to put a comforting hand on his shoulder. He pushed her away violently and stumbled to the water closet, locking the door behind him. The vision of her pale skin shredding away at his touch still danced in front of his eyes.

"Remus!" she called from behind the closed door. "Remus, what's wrong???"

He splashed cool water on his face and leaned on the basin, willing his heartbeat to slow down. Looking up at his reflection, he ran a shaky hand across his face, comforted by the feel of his skin—human skin—and the bristle of his five-o-clock shadow.

He stared at himself in the mirror and said "You're not that thing. You are not that thing."

He splashed more water on his face as his hands steadied themselves and his pulse resumed a normal tempo. Addy shouted and pounded on the door.

"It's ok! I'm ok!" he called to her.

He looked up again at the tired wizard staring back at him from the mirror.

"You are NOT that thing."

To be continued…