It was slowly that I drifted back into consciousness, groggily, like I was being smothered. I took it as a good sign that my encoded wake up process was still running. That meant I was still me.

I kept my breathing steady, even and deep while carefully tensing parts of my body that were liable to involuntarily slip and catch unwanted attention. Without sight I reached out with my other available senses. There was a tell-tale un-smell about the place, and although I was not entirely sure what that meant it had about it an on purpose sterile quality, like I was in a sealed lab. A slight humming permeated the air, more of a whirring really. A mechanical sound, like efficient motors working furiously. There was a second sound which I knew off by heart, someone was typing very close by. There were no noticeable vibrations traveling through what I was laying on, a firm yet soft surface; a mattress of some sort. The room was mild, neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. I noticed I was not in pain.

I cross referenced this information with what I had been doing earlier; getting in a car crash.

Guess 1: I was in a hospital.

This was immediately invalidated by the fact I was attacked by two men who had forced Yuu into a car. Such men didn't take witnesses to medical aid.

Guess 2: I was in their safe house.

Plausible, though the environment was a little sterile.

Guess 3: I was in the facility of whoever hired them.

The likelihood of this raised the longer I had been unconscious but required a third party to be involved.

I needed further information. I opened my eyes a fraction of an inch and white light filtered in through my eyelids. It seemed as though I was in some sort of cell, and the longer I looked, the more it seemed I was being held in area 51. The whole set-up left me burning with curiosity, and as long as I made no sudden moves I should be fine.

I slowly sat up and took in the small blank white room, devoid of amenities like a toilet or a magazine. One wall of the perfectly cubular room was Perspex glass, dotted with a hexagonal pattern of holes. Sitting outside in the equally white corridor on a foldable chair, laptop resting on his knees was former Prime Minister and Labour party MP Kevin Rudd.

"Good afternoon, Mister Rudd," I said evenly, like I'd encountered him on an evening walk though the park.

Kevin smiled, closed his laptop and placed it carefully on the ground. He crossed his legs and folded his hands over his knee.

"It's evening, I'm afraid," he said, still smiling politely. "How are you feeling? You took quite a tumble earlier"

I nodded neutrally, "I'm sure it's not as bad as it looks"

Kevin's eyes twinkled appraisingly. "No doubt, it's a good thing you were wearing your seatbelt. It is nice to know that particular add campaign didn't go to waste"

It was here my suspicions were confirmed, Kevin was fucking with me. There was a faint reflection in the glass wall and my face didn't have a scratch on it. I had little doubt he was the one behind all of this, and he knew I knew. And I knew he knew I knew.

I chuckled mirthlessly. "I learned that lesson before your time, Mister Rudd. Along with look both ways, sticks and stones and don't talk to strangers"

This appeared to be exactly the sort of reaction he was after as the corners of his eyes crinkled. "Yes, I suppose these things have a way of being older than you'd expect, we do have a habit of overestimating our contributions"

"And here I though politicians were supposed to be a humble, by the people for the people sort," I causally adjusted to a more comfortable sitting position.

"Oh but we are, we are," Kevin said in apparent delight. "But even we sometimes make errors of judgement, we're not infallible, we're not the Pope after all. He wouldn't forget his manners as I've forgotten mine. I haven't even asked your name yet, sir"

"Saiga," I allowed. This guy was good, maybe even nearly as good as me. "Saiga vi Britannia. I'd show you my credentials, but I'm afraid I couldn't drop by the house on the way here to get my wallet, I was waylaid by a pair of hooligans, as you know"

Kevin leant forward, his expression coloured by seriousness. "Those were my employees, by the way"

Hello, operator? I think I've lost it.

I'd figured as much, but he'd beaten me to the punch. "My my," I simpered, "what business does Kevin Rudd have ordering an assault and kidnapping on a random honest citizen such as myself?"

Kevin smiled broadly, but it was different from his previous one in a subtle way I couldn't place. "Oh goodness no, Saiga! You've got it all wrong! I was merely saving your life. You don't quite know the troublesome crowd you fell in with, and on your fourth day in Queensland no less. Their type does tend to prey on honest, hardworking men. This is for your safety, think of it like witness protection. I can't, in good conscience, let you get yourself into a situation where you might get hurt"

Oh! So he does play The Game, and from that angle too.

"I've never heard of protected witnesses being kept in such a," I paused for effect, "dehumanising environment. People might get the wrong idea if they hear about this, a man waking up unconscious in a bare cell without privacy nor toilet, greeted immediately by a former high ranking government official. I'm apologise if that sounded insulting, Mister Rudd, but you must admit this situation is quite suspicious"

Kevin's smile didn't waver an inch. "Are you perhaps still concussed? I was told you did fall down a rather long way. Would you prefer if we continue this conversation at such a time that you are in full working order? I'd hate for there to be a misunderstanding"

"I assure you, I am running at full capacity. Any misunderstandings won't be on my part," I offered a gracious tilt of my head. If Kevin thought I was concussed, that offered the idea that he was running on information about my situation I didn't yet have. I realised at that moment I may have fallen for a ruse of his.

"Good," said Kevin simply. "Now, you are concerned about the condition you are being kept in, yes? I can promise you that no one who might deem this unseemly will find out, and if they do, well, I'm not entirely sure you're human at all," he had a look on his face that suggested this was most amusing for him. "Can you dehumanise a non human?"

"Mister Rudd!" I exclaimed in exaggerated horror. "How can you suggest such a thing?" I tilted my head and offered him a condescending look, "when you know it to be blatantly false?"

"False you say?" Kevin seemed unperturbed. "Oh I have no doubt your meat suit is human, Saiga vi Britannia, but you must understand where I'm coming from. You suffered grievous wounds and yet they healed completely within an hour. It was also reported that you used an unusual type of magic, one we've never encountered before, and I've seen a lot of mages use transformation magic but this is unprecedented. Unprecedented for a human. Unprecedented for anything from this world, in fact"

Oh he was sharp. Either, in the course of the tests he had obviously run on me while I was out his sensor wizards could detect the traces of another dimension on me, or he hadn't drugged Yuu and had already pumped her for information before coming onto me. Not that it would have been hard, Yuu was very easy to persuade. It was amusing that an angel of the Lord was so naïve.

But the question was, which card do I play? It was a non-choice, really. Kevin was setting himself up as a reasonable authority figure politely questioning a dangerous unknown, but two could play The Game, Kev.

I hardened my eyes and struck a slightly more aggressive posture. "If you've hurt her, Rudd, I swear I will wreck you, mate"

Now I was a older brother type concerned for a young girl in peril being held by in a shady government facility. Although I could have worded that a little better, it made it sound a tad suspect.

Now to see if the move worked. No doubt Yuu had been filling his head with ideas that I was some kind of dangerous sociopath with a long history of violence, but really, persistent insistence about her safety was only prudent if I was to deceive him and the people who would watch this on the hidden security camera later.

"Hurt who, Saiga?" Kevin managed to sound genuinely concerned, "what reason would I have to hurt someone?"

I held his gaze for a moment, thinking hard. No doubt, by dint of her being a little girl and likely very co-operative, Yuu would be granted more privileges in order to activate the prerequisites of Stockholm Syndrome, thus turning her to their side. But the question was, would they let her see this recording as they attempted to play us off against each other? I knew how a prisoners dilemma worked, of course, and although this didn't quite qualify yet, I had to start planning ahead. So the real question was: Yuu or you?

"You," I hissed venomously, "little girl, red hair, sarcastic, thinks she's more adorable than she is. I swear on my mum, Rudd. I saw your stooges force her into their car, you can't play dumb, not with me. I know she's here, and if she's hurt, I'll know who did it"

It couldn't hurt to give him the wrong idea entirely. I couldn't wait until he tried to use her as leverage at a critical juncture. The bitch tears would be delicious.

"Of course she's safe!" exclaimed Kevin, "you seem to have mistaken me for some kind of comic book villain. Tell me Saiga, what would you do if two vast, alien beings absconded their home and crossed the dimensional rift before cramming themselves into a container that's far too small? The human you're inhabiting is bursting at the seams with power. Both of you are unconsciously using the most absurdly perfect, constant, transformation magic I've ever seen just to keep yourselves from exploding. And this universe, you aren't meant to be in it, it's binding you completely. Your power and your mind. I'm sure you've noticed the effects. You won't be able to get back home by yourself, I want to help Yuu"

I was sure he said it. Right at the end, he washed his hands of all intent to help me, hidden in plain sight. A signal. And that speech, it was so good it was almost sincere, he had the high ground now. If I said I accepted his help, I'd be sucked into his scheme, whatever it was. I could only keep playing him as Wizard Hitler.

"You say you want to help, that I'm not human, and because of that you lock me in a cage. Do you know how that feels? To be treated like a subhuman ape, to be tested and poked at? You sit there in your suit with your laptop, where's my laptop? Where's my anything? Turkish death prisons are better equipped than this freak show lab chamber!" I managed to work myself up into a little bit of a frenzy.

"Saiga, please calm down," Kevin gestured calmingly, regulating his posture into a completely non threatening form. "This chamber is only temporary until such a time as we can make sure you aren't a danger to anyone"

"I'll only be a danger if my friends are being hurt, Kev," I made myself visibly relax. Yes, I jeered internally, just try that threat. I'm so unstable and emotional you can manipulate me for sure.

It took some effort but I reigned in my keikaku doori face, there was just no way that he could win I was an epic beast.

Kevin frowned, his round face creasing like a prune. "I'm still unsure as to why you expect me to attack a child, I will of course afford you every courtesy I can"

I sat back against the wall, shifting my thin blanket. "Does that courtesy extend to believing me, realising it's insane to think otherwise, and that we really are just human?"

The truth could be twisted, after all, exact words was a thing I could count on. I was human back at home, just absurdly magical, and Yuu was definitely human here. Just try catch me out on a lie, Kevin, I could keep track of it perfectly, no matter how much backstory I had to invent.

I almost chuckled.

"I almost forgot, I want my god damn phone call," my mother would be so worried.

I knew he would never give it to me, this was just cheesy emotional manipulation.

"To call whom?" Kevin asked in his seemingly genuine politician way.

"My mother, of course, she'll be so worried. And right after nan died I get chucked in jail for being assaulted. It really speaks volumes about the legal system," I watched with hidden glee as Kevin stalled, momentum broken. Obviously he'd done his research and knew I was telling the truth, either he'd have to bullshit an excuse or show his hand early. I was almost disgusted with myself for resorting to this kind of tactic, but then I remembered I was amazing and couldn't do wrong.

"All this tells me is that you don't understand why you are here," said Kevin, his face hardening a little.

"I really don't," I said innocently. "Please, enlighten me"

Kevin fixed me with an even, cool gaze. "I'm sure I don't need to remind you, you being in full possession of your memory, you brazenly displayed magic in public, not to mention exposing yourself. Both are serious offences, and don't play the 'you attacked me first' card," he said, seeing the look on my face, "you were in known contact, and co-operation with a gang of serious, hard-core criminals. There was no window of opportunity to get you both out of there any safer than you were. So please, forgive us for being a little cautious under the circumstances"

He was good. Barely revealed a thing and didn't exactly bullshit. Kevin Rudd was good, but I was better.

"You think that absolves you?" I cast him an incredulous gaze. "I am in full possession of my memory, after all. I seem to recall defending myself against thuggish goons who rammed us in the middle of the street and taking a hit from a wizards air bending sorcery"

Kevin looked condescending, "you clearly have never read a single book of laws, have you? You don't blame a rescue team for breaking and entering, just like you can't convict a government official for defending with magic after a first strike has been made against him with magic by a mage. Oh of course, if it were just you here, you wouldn't even be detained, but it isn't just you Saiga. We have a witness, and please trust me when I say that Yuu's been very helpful indeed"

Even I had to cringe, clearly I had underestimated Kevin's occlumency against Yuu's adorable mental influence.

"You'll soon come to realise, Mister Rudd, that Yuu isn't what her cute face suggests. Did she tell you how we came into contact with the vampires? The content of our talks? What she offered them to secure their help? You can demonise me all you like, but with that little angel whispering in your ear, you'll ever make a right decision," I said, realising as I did so that I too had fallen under her glamour. All the foolish things I did were in her presence...

Fighting a war on two fronts? I guess it can't be helped.

Kevin didn't seem particularly perturbed, "I can assure you, Yuu uttered no lie that we could detect"

"It was once my job to think the way dark wizards do, Rudd, as I'm sure Yuu'll remember," I replied equally calm. Kevin betrayed no sign that he'd heard my little pronunciation slip and I hoped it was out of control. I'd hate it if he disappointed me. But his answer intrigued me, was I supposed to interpret it as they had mind readers and I was at their mercy? Or perhaps it was just the more mundane 'Yuu uses exact words too'.

"I wasn't aware you had a history in crime fighting, all records point to you being an accountant," Kevin replied mildly.

So he knew my 'real name', huh? No matter. "Oh I never actually fought crime," I gave a little laugh. "I just had a friend in Japan who's dad was a police chief, and he called me up to ask my opinion. Apparently the guy'd gotten hold of an artefact that let him kill people if he knew their name and face. I just helped him get into the mindset"

Let him fact check it for all I care. I just couldn't resist. Stress, I imagine.

"Ah," said Kevin, nodding, "and you caught the criminal I presume?"

I made an airy gesture with my head, "I'm not Justice for nothing you know..." I eyed him while still keeping my head tilted away. "And I will exact justice here, Mister Rudd"

Kevin uncrossed his legs and stood up, "you'll soon realise there's no justice for you to mete out here, Saiga, there's no corrupt government scheme for power to disrupt, no valiant revolutionary group to join, there isn't even a terrorist cell to join nor is there an assassins guild. The only righteous path you can follow is obeying the law as it is written. You'll never be the vigilante hero like in your dreams, there's no Joker for you to fight, there is only the law to follow," he carefully folded up his chair and retrieved his laptop. "And criminals who do not follow the law do not get to ask a shunter a certain, polite question"

With a courteous half bow Kevin spun on his heel and strode out of sight. The formerly clear Perspex glass grew opaque, like water contaminated with milk and from the slowly shrinking hexagon of holes echoed a final taunt.

"And about nourishment and toiletries," Kevin's smug voice filtered through, "you won't need any"