Woo, yeah! New chapter! Well, I updated quicker than usual, huh? I might actually get to the Freeza saga this school year! Remember, if you have any good joke ideas, I'm always open to new ideas! You guys are the backbone of this story. Your jokes are all really helpful for me. I won't beg. But I will ask.
By the way, watch Battle of Gods if you haven't already. Best movie ever!
Disclaimer: These can be pretty fun to write. These can also be funny to read. Just the other day, I finished reading Sandland. Recently I also finished Deadman Wonderland, and I watched a little Hetalia. I don't own those, just like I don't own Dragonball Z.
Rated T+ for the usual language and crap.
Chapter 11: Battle of the Barbaric Baboons
Last time on DBZBJP, Goku and Vegeta battled to the death. It looked like Vegeta was winning before Goku used the Kaioken. Then it looked like he was winning. However, Vegeta transformed himself into a giant rampaging gorilla. What will happen when Gohan and Krillin make their decision on whether or not to help? Ahh, shut up. You already know all this.
"WHAT?!" Krillin shouted. "Are you crazy? That Fajita guy or whatever would crush us!"
"But my father is in peril. Is it not my duty to rescue a parental figure if he or she is in dire need of assistance?"
"Really Gohan! Do you know any language other than textbook?! No one knows what you're saying!"
The demi sighed. "Very well. I shall phrase this in words you can understand." Then he said, with his tongue sticking out, "Daddy dum dum! Daddy go squish! Must help!"
"Ohhh, that makes so much more sense when you put it that way!" Gohan just stared at him.
"Well, are you coming with me or not?"
The monk crossed his arms. "Fine, fine. But I won't do anything."
"Actually Krillin, I have a plan, and you have a pretty important part in it..."
Back at the wasteland, Goku is still being crushed in Vegeta's huge grip. "Knock it off, Vegeta! This isn't fun anymore! I just wanna go home, eat my supper, and go to be-he-hed!"
"Oh, trust me. You will be doing all of that soon. IN HELL!" Meanwhile, in HFIL, Hitler is cracking his knuckles in anticipation.
"But I already did that!" At this point, Goku burst into tears.
"Oh, God, what a baby," Vegeta muttered. "I better get this over with before he impairs my hearing or something." He began to squeeze tighter and tighter until he heard a small voice.
"Hey, you! Yes you!" Vegeta looked around, looking for the source of the annoyingly high-pitched voice that made his ears ring. "Down here, you moron!" The monkey prince looked down to see Kakarrot's brat. Didn't the Namekian call him Googo or something? Yeah, it was probably Googo.
"Scram kid. No one loves you."
Gohan crossed his arms. "Quite the contrary. In a popularity poll for Shonen Jump, I ranked first. Therefore, I'm the one you see in children's eye drop commercials."
"How is that in the least interesting?"
The demi huffed. "How should I know? I'm just a child protégé. But I do know one thing that the fans enjoy." Gohan started dancing like an idiot to 'It's Raining Men'. It was okay, as long as you didn't look directly at it.
However, Vegeta's focus had been right on the annoying demi. He dropped Goku unceremoniously to the ground, instead using his hands to clutch at his ears as he screamed in agony. He had to get away from it! Ginyu Force! Ginyu Force everywhere! The prince leaped away from the horrible image that Googo was giving him.
Just in time to dodge a flying tortilla. Gohan stopped his dancing to look at the source, while Vegeta looked behind himself in curiosity.
"Okay, what the hell was that?"
Of course it was the damn human. Okay, his name has to be Clearin. But why call him by his name? His new name is Baldy.
"No... My Kienzan didn't work!"
Vegeta decided to make himself look cool. "Of course not. I could hear your attack coming a mile away! What kind of warrior would I be if I didn't dodge it?"
"Um... A bad one...?" Krillin stammered.
"Alright, baldy! That's it! Now you die!" However, before the Oozaru could launch an attack, a nerve-racking pain shot through his body. "What the... What is this...?" He looked behind him to see Gohan holding a bloody sword and a tail stump. Meeting Vegeta's gaze, he quickly threw them at Yajirobe, who just happened to be right there for some reason. The ninja then went to hide behind a small rock.
Meanwhile, Vegeta had reverted back to his normal, badass midget self. "No! I need this to finish off two weaklings and a Saiyan who is near death! But that fat ninja had to cut my tail! I will kill you all!" He then exploded the entire area around him. When the dust dissipated, everyone was alive, despite being hit at point-blank range by a blast that should have killed them even if they were completely healthy.
"What the hell was that? Plot convenience? Well, I guess I better kill that Googo kid or whatever. You know, because I have the time and all that crap." He strolled over to the nearly unconscious Gohan at a leisurely pace, then froze in his tracks. "No! His tail grew back! And my Blutz Sphere won't disappear for another hour or so! That's like, 30 episodes or something! I gotta kill this brat while I still have the chance!"
Too bad Krillin had a half-baked plan to beat him with. "Hey Vegeta!" he shouted. "Can you hear me now? Good! Can you hear me now? Good! Can you hear me now? Good! Can you hear me now? Good! "
Vegeta turned to yell, "WILL YOU SHUT THE FUCK UP!" The disturbance awoke Gohan, and he immediately found the Blutz Sphere. He very quickly transformed into a mindless Oozaru himself.
Vegeta turned around to see a huge furry foot come crashing down. "Oh, you have got to be kidding me." He managed to get away before he was crushed, and was prepared to defend himself. However, Gohan wasn't after him; he started destroying rocks, boulders, and plateaus, soon picking up a particularly large boulder and preparing to throw it.
Inside his mind raged a battle. Goku, who had randomly developed the ability to speak telepathically, was trying to get Gohan back to normal. He and Gohan played roshambo. After that, Goku told him he'd go fishing if he killed Vegeta. Gohan was quick to comply, and he threw his pretty rock at the Saiyan prince, who just stood there, sadly, like a moron.
"Ahh, hell." Soon Vegeta was on the run once again. This time, he couldn't afford to stand there like an idiot. Soon, he had an idea, remembering a game he used to play with third-class Saiyans as a child. "I know! Why don't I just slice his tail off with a Kienzan? Then he'll turn back into a stupid child!" Somehow, Oozaru Gohan managed to get himself in the air, despite being unable to fly in this form. In a lapse of judgment, Vegeta flew under him before launching his Kienzan. Gohan did turn back into a toddler, but Vegeta was practically a smear in the ground long before then; Gohan had crushed Vegeta on his way down.
However, even though the prince should have died a long time ago, perhaps when the Kamehameha and Gyarikku Hou blasted into him, from being crushed under a forty ton simian, or even from blood loss when his tail was chopped off (speaking of tails, I wonder where his and Gohan's went...), the Saiyan was definitely alive and kicking. And boy, was he pissed.
"Alright, that's it! Everyone dies!" He limped over to Gohan, about to blast him with what energy he had left. Sometime during this exchange, Krillin got up, and limped over to Goku, who was beckoning him with a gnarled, broken finger.
"What is it, Goku? This better be important, because your son is about to get killed over there."
"Yeah, Krillin... It's... very important... Come closer..." Krillin limped closer. "Closer... Closer... Clos- AHH, DEAR KAMI! THAT'S MY RIBS! GET OFF!" Krillin hastily stepped off of his best friend. "Anyways, I want you... to take... my energy..."
"Are you sure that'll help, Goku? I mean, I have more energy than you do right now, and that still isn't saying much."
"No, Krillin... It's... left over ki... from my... Genki Dama... Use it... to beat him... Take my hand..." Goku raised up a bloody hand. There were sharp bones sticking out all over, and there was pus oozing out all over the place. You're welcome.
"Goku," Krillin whined. "Don't make me hold... that."
"Krillin... You... have to... we haven't... figured out... how to do it... without contact... yet..."
"Ugh, fine." Holding his breath to keep from gagging, the bald monk slowly reached out for Goku's hand, nearly impaling his own in the process, and awaited the ki. Boy, what a shock that was to not only recieve the ki, but it was more ki than even Piccolo had!
"Okay, Goku? How the hell did I not sense this?!"
"Dunno... One of... Dragon Ball's... mysteries..." Goku chuckled. "Now throw it... at Vegeta..."
"Oh. Um, okay." Vegeta was still taking his time reaching Gohan while Krillin took aim. Then Yajirobe ran around in a panic, distracting the Saiyan prince. Said prince turned around to smack him, but he saw the Genki Dama coming and dodged it easily, despite his current state.
"Hey, baldy! Did you really think you could hit me with something as slow as that?!" What Vegeta didn't see was that the Genki Dama hit Gohan's unconscious body, rolling him over while bouncing the ki back at Vegeta. "What's that smell? Is someone barbecuing without me?" Vegeta turned around just in time to see the incoming Genki Dama, which collided with the Saiyan, launching him once again into orbit.
Krillin, Yajirobe, and Goku were all relieved. Krillin found some energy to run at Goku. "Goku, we did it! We beat Vegeta!" Suddenly, the prince fell out of the sky and crushed the monk. Then he stood up, dusted himself off, called his ship, and was gone in minutes.
It was right around now that Roshi, Oolong, Pu'ar, Korin, Chichi, and Bulma decided to show up, what with having such impeccable timing. All they had to do was follow the trail of bodies, or in Chaotzu's and Tien's cases, lack of bodies. Roshi was driving, Chichi was freaking out about homework and cows, and Bulma was crying her eyes out.
"Oh, I didn't realize how much I loved that stupid bandit! And now my ear needs surgery! Wahhh!"
"Don't we all," Oolong muttered, then beamed, happy that he finally got a line.
Krillin, recovering from his experience of being crushed by a surprisingly heavy Saiyan, waved his arms around to get their attention. "Hey, guys! We're down here!" But the ship just sailed right on by. Then Roshi realized Goku and Gohan were there and flew back to pick them up.
Later, when everyone was roughly bandaged (except Bulma, because everyone knows that if she's freaking out about something, it's not that serious, even if there's shards of glass sticking out of her inner ear), Krillin decided to bring up his idea from earlier, since everyone was conscious now.
"So, Vegeta mentioned a planet Namek, because Piccolo's a Namekian. He also said that they might have a set of dragon balls. So maybe, since the dragon balls here are inert, we could go to Namek and use theirs."
"You know," Bulma replied, "That's just stupid enough to work, if only we knew where the hell Namek is."
"Maybe I can help with that," said a deep, booming voice from inside the ship. Goku perked up immediately.
"King Kai! Is that you?!"
"Yes, it is I. I can give you the coordinates to planet Namek, if you are willing to listen."
"Hey, King Kai?" Gohan inquired. "Why do you wish to give us the coordinates in an effort to aid our search?"
"Because I am a very nosy, biased god. Anyways, the coordinates are (insert information here)."
So, with a destination and a goal, everyone wanted to go to Namek, except Yajirobe, who decided he was scared shitless of Namekians. Popo picked up Bulma, who was now also scared shitless, and showed her a convenient ship that Kami had arrived in. Somehow, despite the knowledge that Kami arrived in a spaceship, no one realized he was an alien. Popo also knows Namekian, which is obviously not an Earth language. So, it was programmed to speak English, and Gohan, Krillin, and Bulma were off for Namek.
Power levels
Goku
300 (weakened, and yet he can't walk with a power level like this)
150 (blasted, and again, why can't he walk? I mean, a human's power level is like 7 usually)
Gohan
1907 (healed, but still bruised)
600 (blasted)
6000 (Oozaru)
Krillin
1028 (healed but bruised)
312 (blasted)
205 (crushed)
Vegeta
160000 (Oozaru)
12000 (normal, tired)
8000 (explodes)
5000 (crushed under a mutant monkey's ass)
492 (Genki Dama, and yet he's weaker than Krillin right now...)
Well, see y'all in Taker of Children!