It took less than a minute since she came down from her high for Beca to totally freak out. Well, perhaps freak out was unfair, but she was feeling something powerful… and it wasn't regret, but it certainly was something that was still laced with guilt and utterly fraught with confusion. Did that all really just happen? Her phone call with Aubrey seemed like something out of a dream. And maybe that's what happened, maybe she had just fallen asleep, imagined the whole thing, and had one of those (much sought after by all the Bellas after Stacie disclosed that it happened to her once) sleep orgasms.

Yeah, that was probably it.

But out of her periphery, Beca could see her phone on the bed, not on the nightstand where it belonged and, in spite of that fact, she allowed herself to believe that what she thought just happened totally didn't happen at all. At least until she rolled over and picked up the phone, because then that belief was wholly shattered. She had a text from Aubrey.

Feeling better? ;)

Beca could feel the beads of sweat starting to form at the back of her neck as anxiety gripped her fiercely. This isn't happening, she thought. This can't be happening.

But it was happening, and Beca didn't really know what to do with that information. How was one supposed to react to Aubrey Posen talking a little dirty to them over the phone? And – ugh – why was that even something that Beca found arousing at all?

Her situation was, quite frankly, fucked. Because who was she to go to in order to talk about what had just happened between her and Aubrey. It's not like she could talk to Aubrey herself about it. And man oh man, she really wished she could pick up the phone to call Jesse right now. She was starting to feel like she didn't have any other option. It's not like she could honestly deal with all of this by herself.

She tried to assure herself that Aubrey was just trying to be a supportive, sex-positive friend – and, really, maybe she actually was. Beca had no real evidence to suggest that Aubrey was trying to do anything else with that phone call. Maybe Beca was reading too much into the low voice, and the rasping tone. In fact, maybe Beca's already fragile state – caused by Chloe's wandering hands – had her imagining that sultry sort of inflection in the first place. Aubrey had just been trying to help – help her get with Chloe not help her… ugh! This was all just too confusing.

What in the hell was even going on here? Beca hated to put on her conspiracy theorist hat, but this was all just too weird not to be a goddamn scheme. The blonde and the redhead had to be in collusion and were most certainly up to no good. But then – Beca suddenly realized – she actually knew that from the start. She had overheard a conversation the pair had, a conversation that explained, for Beca, the weird experimenting comment that Chloe had made to her in the tent that night. Aubrey was always a part of this, even before Beca was an actual part of this. She'd been helping Chloe figure out how to make this happen from the beginning. And, by extension, she was helping to push Beca toward Chloe as well.

The real question now was why? But Beca didn't spare the moment to really consider that question. Instead, she made an assumption, she jumped to a not illogical conclusion: Aubrey was just being a good friend to Chloe, helping Chloe get what she wanted. Aubrey was just some sort of gay wingman, or something.

She resented the way these two were manipulating her, or at least that's how it felt. It was a bizarre sort of peer pressure that was making her wonder what it was she actually wanted. Maybe she was just bending to their whims. Maybe being with Chloe wasn't something she wanted at all.

Well, that was certainly wishful thinking. Beca knew better than that. She was never one to cave to peer pressure. If people were successful at manipulating her, it was only because she allowed them to be, however subconscious that permission granting was.

No, Beca definitely wanted Chloe and it was something she was slowly but surely coming to terms with. Really, she should be thanking Aubrey and Chloe – if it weren't for their (albeit heavy-handed) influence, Beca probably never would have come to this realization at all. And, sure, that probably would have been a fine way to live her life – but who knows, this "I'm a little bit gay thing" probably would have come around sooner or later to bite her in the butt. It might as well be now. It might as well be with someone she loves and trusts.

Regardless of how grateful she probably should have been to these two, she couldn't help but continue to feel vexed by how it was all happening. They were being so sneaky about it, and something about that felt really slimy to Beca – it made her stomach a bit queasy. Why wouldn't they just be up front with her?

Okay, so, Beca knew why. She knew the girls probably just assumed that they couldn't be direct and honest with her, otherwise she would run for the hills. Beca had no right to be angry about that, because their assumption wouldn't have been wrong. There's no way, if Chloe had just come bouncing up to her and delivered this information directly, that Beca would have agreed. They certainly would not have found themselves at this particular moment in time.

That said, Beca did still find it more than a little irritating, and wholly condescending, but at least she knew, somewhere in her, that they weren't acting this way to be jerks. They were acting this way to best ease Beca into this totally cracked situation. They were looking out for her best interests. Well, her best interests within the realm of Chloe's desires anyway. She had to be at least a little bit grateful for that, because as it was turning out, Chloe's desires were actually kind of in line with her own.

This shouldn't be so complicated, at least not anymore. While everything with Aubrey was all the more confusing after that phone call, everything in regard to Chloe was suddenly crystal clear. She wanted Chloe; wanted to touch Chloe; wanted Chloe to touch her. She wanted to be with the redhead, be with her intimately. And that new sense of clarity was truly a relief.

It was like a lifetime had passed since that day at the retreat. Beca felt like she had somehow become a completely different person. Well, not really a different person, but a person who was somehow more herself than the person she was before. It was an amazing feeling, and she supposed that this was sort of what college was for; it was a liminal state between childhood and adulthood in which people, as cheesy as this was a thing to acknowledge, became the people they really were. Maybe it was weird that it had taken Beca this long to really feel the truth of that statement, or maybe everything over the last four years was just building up to this moment. Either way, Beca had to take the moment to commend herself. She'd come a long way since she'd first auditioned to be Barden Bella.

As her thoughts traveled back in time to those precious first moments at Barden University (you know, those moments when Beca would have rather been literally anywhere else), she couldn't help but think of Jesse, and recognize all the ways in which he contributed to her journey. His influence, if she was being honest, was probably even more powerful than Chloe's, though maybe not quite as powerful as the Bellas'. Having female friends was revolutionary for Beca, but her relationship with Jesse had entirely transformed her capacity for love and intimacy.

In some perhaps sick, twisted way – it was actually Jesse who had brought her to this point with Chloe. That was probably a cruel way to think of their relationship, as if it were sort of practice round – but Beca had to admit, there was some truth to it.

Even though she knew she didn't owe Jesse anything, she decided that it was probably best to at least give him a call. She might not have to share any of this with him, but she found that she wanted to. She really wanted to. She wanted to tell him how great she felt, explain to him how she felt more like herself than ever before. She wanted to share this with him and celebrate it with him.

And yeah, she should probably let him know that she no longer had any intention of getting back together with him…

So, before drifting off to sleep, she sent him a text, while ignoring Aubrey's.

Hey – I'd like to talk to you. When's a good time to chat?

The next morning, Beca headed to the only class she had that day before darting off to Residual Heat to fill everyone's lunch orders. Jesse had texted her back and they had agreed to chat later, once she was back at the Bella house. She was trying her best not to stress out about the conversation. She pretty much knew everything she wanted to say. Jesse would definitely be surprised to hear what was going on, but she felt confident that he would ultimately be very supportive. He was her best friend, and her very best cheerleader. As soon as he realized that this was what was best for her, that this is what made her happy, he wouldn't be able to be anything but understanding.

At least, that's what Beca hoped. She knew Jesse incredibly well, and was feeling fairly certain that his reaction would be mostly positive. But there was still a possibility for jealousy… and she knew some part of him would be disappointed to hear that Beca was not planning to get back together with him after graduation. Though, the more she thought about it, the more she realized that was really her idea in the first place. They'd talked about it, sure, and Jesse agreed that it'd be cool to give it a try – but it was Beca who was really holding on to that. Part of her wondered if Jesse had just been humoring her about it. He was the one to break up with her, and he didn't immediately follow that up with a plan for them to get back together. No, that was Beca's suggestion. She assumed that's what he wanted, too. And yeah, he had said that he wanted that, but… now she was feeling a bit paranoid about it. Maybe he had just said that to lessen the blow of their relationship's untimely disintegration.

The thought really hadn't occurred to Beca before, and it made her kind of angry, thinking that he might do something like that, say something to her that wasn't completely honest. But Beca brushed that anger aside, reminding herself that if that was the case, now, with these new circumstances, that would actually be the best possible thing. It would mean that Jesse wouldn't be upset to hear that Beca wasn't planning to get back together with him, which would serve to up the chances that he would be near instantly supportive of her pursuing whatever it was that she was pursuing with Chloe.

None of this stopped the anxiety that raced through her when her cell phone rang, Jesse's name and a photo of him giving a goofy, cross-eyed smile appearing on the screen. She was back in her room, and even though very few Bellas were home, Beca took the time to shut the door at the foot of the steps before answering the call.

"Hello?"

"Hey, Becs. How's it going?"

"Not bad. Worlds is right around the corner and that's got us all a bit on edge…" she explained, taking a seat at the foot of her bed, "but it's really coming along, so I can't complain."

"That's great to hear!" He sounded so cheerful, which caused her to worry a nail. Hopefully, this conversation wasn't something that was going to spoil his good mood…

"Yeah, what about you?"

Beca tried her best to focus on what Jesse was saying as he began to ramble a bit about this one really challenging class, or as Jesse had actually put it, "fucking impossible, Becs. I'm serious!" It was weird that Jesse had this whole life now that she hardly knew anything about, except for the odd story he would tell, like this one. But it was, of course, also weird that she had this whole life now that Jesse wasn't a part of either. She wondered how all of these changes would ultimately affect their relationship, and hoped that if it were ever to fall apart, that now wouldn't be the moment in which it did. She really felt like she needed him to get through this. She needed someone she could talk to, someone without a potential hidden agenda like Aubrey. She needed his support.

"That professor sounds like a douchebag. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, he kind of is…"

"I know it's tough, but you're amazing, you know? He'll see that. Just keep working hard."

"Yeah...yeah! Thanks. I really needed to hear that today."

There was an awkward pause in the conversation. Beca was running through what she had just said, hoping it didn't sound too cliché and stupid, but also hoping it wasn't glaringly obvious that she was only sort of paying attention to what Jesse was saying and really wanted to push this conversation forward so that it could ultimately be over, whether it went well or not.

"So, you said that you wanted to talk to me about something?"

And here it was: her opening. It was time for her to spill, to say all the things that she had spent the past 18-or-so hours perfecting. She knew what she wanted to say, knew what she needed to say, now all she had to do was just say it.

But, somehow, doing that was proving to be exceedingly difficult. There was a lump in her throat she couldn't swallow. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out.

"What's going on? Is everything okay?"

The concern in his voice was heartbreaking. She couldn't stand it. She had to say something, had to say it now, knowing full well that if she didn't he would only grow more and more worried, which would only make her feel worse.

"Yeah, um – everything is fine. Well, it's, um, it's better than fine, really…" She paused, taking a steadying breath as she thought back on how it was that she wanted to explain this. "Chloe, um… Chloe and I… w-we, uh… we've sort of been, like… messing around?" She screwed her eyes shut as she raised her left hand, pressing the heel of it into her forehead. Why am I such an idiot?! Of all the eloquent ways she had come up with to explain this to Jesse, using the phrase "messing around" certainly wasn't one of them.

"Messing around?" he asked, genuine confusion filtering through the phone.

"Yeah, um… Chloe, sh-she… uh… Well, it all started when we went on that retreat?"

"Beca," Jesse's voice was serious now. "What are you talking about? What started?"

She sighed loudly, frustrated with herself for handling this so badly. What was the point of thinking through everything she was going to say if she, ultimately, didn't utter one word of it? "At the retreat… Chloe, she… well, we kissed."

Silence on the other end of the phone. Not a breath, not a word, not a question. Just silence.

"And we've sort of been… like… doing stuff since then." Doing stuff? What am I, 12?

She heard Jesse release a breath, then pause before he finally responded. "Wow. Uh, you mean, like… Have you slept with her?"

"No, no, no," she was too quick to correct. She hoped it didn't expose just how badly she wanted to… "We've just been… well, you know… other stuff…" she trailed off, completely surrendering to the fact that she was absolutely incapable of completing a single sentence.

There it was. Silence again. This was a horrible thing to be doing over the phone. Beca wished they had at least Skyped, so she could gauge his reaction. She was completely in the dark. There were a million possible reasons that Jesse wasn't speaking right now, but only the terrible ones were running through her mind at the moment. This was bad. She shouldn't have done this. "Jesse…?" she tested.

"Yeah, I'm here, Becs." It's the way he said her name that made her know everything was going to be okay. He said it with the same affection he always had, and she knew, instantly knew, that at the very least, he didn't hate her. "This is just… I guess of all the things I thought you could have needed to talk to me about this was… well, it was nowhere on the list."

Beca swallowed hard. She could tell he wasn't finished, that he had more to say. And even though she knew he wasn't mad, that didn't mean she wasn't afraid of whatever reactionary thoughts he might choose to share with her in this moment.

"You know, now that you say it, though… it… it kind of makes sense."

"What?!" Of all the things that she had expected he might say, this was nowhere on her list.

"Well, you two have always been… close. And Chloe's, well… you know, she's Chloe. And you've always been kind of…" he trailed off. He was trying to choose his words carefully. He clearly didn't want to say the wrong thing, and it was painfully obvious, to Beca, and also sort of patronizing, but she retracted her claws. She knew he was just trying to say the right thing, or at the very least, not say the wrong thing. "I don't know. It just makes a weird kind of sense to me…"

Beca wasn't sure how she was supposed to respond to that. She really wasn't expecting him to react this way at all. Luckily, she didn't have to formulate a reply, because as he began to fully realize the implications of what Beca was telling him, the important question occurred to him.

"Wait. Why are you telling me this?"

She closed her eyes, dipping her chin to her chest as she held the phone tightly. If telling Jesse that she and Chloe had been "messing around" was difficult, then explaining to him why he needed to know was damn near impossible. Beca searched herself for every iota of courage she had. She looked over at Amy's empty bed and remembered the "butt confidence" the other girl had once bestowed her with, and did her best to channel that energy.

"Because… things are changing for me." Jesse said nothing, just waited for Beca to continue. "This isn't some, like, small, silly thing. It's really shifted my thinking about… well, about a lot of stuff."

"You don't want us to get back together anymore." It wasn't a question; it was a sad, quiet statement. It made Beca's chest hurt. She felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes, but swore she wouldn't indulge them. She looked up, blinking them back.

"I'm sorry," she said.

He cleared his throat loudly and Beca knew that sound, knew it well. It was the same sound he made at the end of The Breakfast Club. The same sound he made while watching Yoda's life slip away from him in Return of the Jedi. The sound of a grown man trying not to cry.

"It's okay." His voice was a little broken, but wasn't tinged with even an ounce of jealousy, or anger… just sadness. It made Beca's stomach hurt as she lost the battle against several stray tears. "To be honest… I wasn't really, uh – entirely sure what I wanted for us…" He paused for a long moment, and Beca was able to collect her thoughts, reminding herself that this was going well. He wasn't mad. He wasn't jealous. He was hurt, but Beca was pretty sure he'd be okay. "I guess I don't have to figure that one out now," he finished, with a sad chuckle.

"I guess not," Beca agreed.

She heard him exhale, something that was part sigh and part breath. When he spoke again, his voice was still quiet, but not quite as depressed. Some of his usual Jesse goofiness was bleeding back into his speech, and Beca was so, so grateful for it. "So this thing with Chloe is, like… sort of serious, then?"

Beca laughed; she couldn't help it. Her life was so strange right now, in this moment. Her ex-boyfriend, who still had some semblance of feelings for her, whom she still had some semblance of feelings for (if Beca was being honest), was asking her about the nature of her romantic trysts with her (female) best friend. It was laughable. It really was.

"Fuck if I know, dude," she offered bluntly, still laughing. "My life is so screwed up right now."

Apparently, Jesse wasn't finding the humor in this. He remained perfectly silent, and she knew he was waiting for her to stop deflecting. After 3 years of dating, Jesse could force Beca to open up without even a word. She sighed, knowing that this was the time for emotional honesty, despite how scary the thought was. "I'm sorry. Things with Chloe… well… I feel… when I'm with her, it's like I'm truly myself… myself in a way I've—" She stopped herself, worried that Jesse might take her next words to heart in a way she didn't intend.

"That sounds pretty serious," he said evenly, and without a hint of judgment or implication to his words. It was striking, to Beca, how he could be so fair, so reasonable, in this moment. It touched her deeply, and she felt tears begin to swell again.

"Yeah…" she spoke quietly, pausing to take a breath before she continued. "You know, Jesse, you're still my best friend. And I wanted to – I needed to – to share this with you… And I just hope that sometime in the future – because I understand right now would be crazy – maybe… maybe we can actually, like, talk about this? About what's going on… wi-with me? I could really use your help…"

She held her breath, fear spreading through her with each passing moment of quiet. She'd done an incredibly un-Beca-Mitchell-like thing. She'd put herself out there, was hanging there vulnerably, just hoping that Jesse wouldn't shatter her. She knew, on some level, that he would never do that, but the fear was still real. She hated this feeling, hated feeling naked and bared. It was unsettling and as her anxiety welled, her stomach twisting into knots, she seriously considered just hanging up and trying her best to forget that this conversation ever happened.

But as soon as that thought occurred to her, Jesse finally answered. "I'm going to need some time." He stopped, and she worried that was all he was going to say. She felt herself breathe again when he continued. "But… yeah, yeah… of course. Of course we can talk about it."

Relief flowed through her like water breaking through a dam. This is what she needed to hear and this was the person she needed to hear it from. She didn't need Jesse to be her boyfriend anymore, but she still needed him in her life. He made her a better person. She couldn't imagine going through this, or through anything, really, without him. She was so, so lucky to be able to call him her friend, because he was nothing short of amazing. She'd never had a friend like him, and she doubted she'd ever find another.

"So," he started, dragging out the 'o.' That singular word instantly shifted the manner of the conversation, and Beca recognized that patented Jesse Swanson teasing tone. He was about to make a joke, a joke that would soon have her eyes rolling. "When do I get to see you and Chloe make out?"

"Jesse!" she yelled, and just as she had predicted, rolled her eyes.

"I mean… I am your best friend and all…"

"Shut up."

"I'm just saying, like, you know… so I understand…"

"Shut up, Jesse."

"I might need to, like… see you guys… in action."

"SHUT UP, JESSE!"

"Like, for research…"

"I'm hanging up now."

"Pictures or it didn't happen!" He quickly got in, as she pulled the phone away from her ear, ending the call and tossing her phone onto the pillow before muttering to herself.

"Why the fuck do I even like him?"

A/N: The offer still stands. Come hang out with me on tumblr at v3ronica-summ3rs. Have a good week, nerds.