Disclaimer: Buffy and friends are the products of JW and I only borrow.

Chapter 11

Bob squeaked, and scrambled backwards so fast, he fell off the table. "Oh my God, oh my God," he babbled as he pulled his pants on.

I glanced between my husband and Spike, who was still trying to get through the mystical barrier and into our house.

And then I erupted into hysterical laughter.

Bob glared at me. "Buffy! NOT seeing the humor here!"

"Oh come on," I gasped. "It is too funny!"

"No, it's not". He glared at me harder, then looked at Spike staring in the window. "For heaven's sake, cover yourself up," he said coldly.

I waved my hand at him dismissively. "Whatever," I replied, hurt. Maybe laughing hadn't been the best reaction, but really, what else was a girl to do? "I'll get dressed, calm him down". I figured Bob would be over himself by the time I came back.

I ran upstairs and quickly dressed, then hurried outside. Spike was at the front door, staring sullenly at the house. When I stepped outside, he roughly pulled me to him and began his greeting ritual, but quickly pushed me away with a growl.

Oh, yeah. Vampire. I must have still smelled like Bob. I wondered if I should go shower, but then I decided that Spike would just have to deal with it. Bob was my husband, and there was no way I was going to always be able to hide our activities from the vampire. And absolutely no reason I should, even if I couldn't think of how to make Spike understand.

"You know what?" I snapped. "So not dealing with jealous vampire crap. Sorry". With that, I wrapped my arms around him and stroked his head soothingly. "It's ok, William. I promise. I still love you".

He accepted my embrace, but growled softly the entire time. I sighed. "I'm not yours anymore, Spike. At least, not like that. You're going to have to get used to it". I doubted he understood, but there was nothing more I could do.

"Wait here," I commanded, then went to the door. "Babe?" I called. "Will you come talk to Spike, please?"

I had to give it to Bob; he did, even though he was obviously unwilling. When he came to the door, Spike's growls increased, but I stood in front of the angry vampire and scolded him like a bad dog. "No!"

I took Bob's hand and drew him outside, to my side, then wrapped my arms around him and kissed him on the lips. He stood there stiffly, and flinched when Spike's growls began again.

"Spike, NO!" I said. I didn't know what to do. I hated treating him like a dog, but it wasn't as if I had any other way to communicate with him. I kissed my husband more, hoping Spike would get the message.

"At least try to pretend you're enjoying this," I hissed at Bob.

"Sorry, honey, feeling a little intimidated right now," he hissed back.

"It's just Spike!"

"Yeah, but you're not the one he wants to kill right now".

I looked at Spike. This was true. His lips were curled in a snarl and he was hovering menacingly, glaring at Bob.

"Enough!" I huffed at Spike. I took his hands, and pulled him to me. Grabbing his face so he had to look at me, I said, "No more, Spike". He calmed a little, and settled on pouting. "See, good," I told him, and held him gently. He sighed, and closed his yellowed eyes.

"Hug us both," I said to Bob. He shook his head in alarm. "Trust me," I said. He raised his arms cautiously, then loosely wrapped them around us. Spike growled, and Bob flinched but didn't move.

"Talk to him," I added.

"It's ok, Spike," he said. Spike's face relaxed into his human one, and Bob, assured by this, squeezed tighter. I turned my head to kiss Bob, and this time, Spike just stared at us.

When I turned my head back, Spike tried to kiss me, but I moved my head so his lips only met my forehead.

"Well, this is just awkward," Bob said. That was the understatement of the year.

"I think we can let go," I said hopefully. We stepped back. Spike stood there. "What should we do now?"

Bob shrugged helplessly. "Go for a walk?"

It seemed like a good idea. We set off, Spike in between us, content once more.

Later that night, tucked in bed, I curled up around Bob, and pressed myself into his back. He wiggled a little, but otherwise didn't acknowledge me. I ran my fingers up and down his arm, and he still didn't react.

I tried nibbling on his ear. He turned to me with a sigh. "You don't want to... finish?" I asked in a small voice.

"Darling, I don't think I'm going to be able to get it up for a long, long time," he said bemusedly.

"It was just Spike," I sulked.

"Uh-huh. About that...".

"What?" I asked in alarm. "About that what?"

"Look, honey. I'm not trying to... It's that... Can you see it from my point of view? What if it were the other way around? What if it were my brain-damaged vampire ex-lover who lived in our basement that I took care of every day? Not only that, but who went crazy every time we tried to get it on?"

"I thought you were ok with it," I said testily.

"I am. You know I am. But after tonight... I realized, it's a lot to deal with, you know. It's been hard on me, and honestly, we haven't talked much about it since he came. I don't want resentment to build up, especially since it looks like this is going to be our life here on out. Spike is always going to be here, with us".

I sat up and scooted to the edge of the bed. "So what, do you want him to go? He has no one else, Bob".

"I know. But you have to remember that he was fine for years. He doesn't need your constant attention".

"He shouldn't have to be fine like this though! It's not right! You should know, you were Spike's best friend!" I yelled.

"I'm not arguing with you Buffy. Honey, please, listen to me," Bob begged. "I'm only asking you to see it from my point of view. To realize how hard it is for me. It's not like we're taking care of your senile father. Spike was - is - the man you love. More than me. It's painful to be reminded of that every day".

My eyes filled with tears. "Oh, no... no, no, no," I gulped. "Not more than you. Just different," I whispered. I kissed him, trying to show all my love with that one gesture.

I pulled back and sniffled. "And you're right. I'm sorry. Maybe we can find somewhere else for Spike to live. At least for awhile". I thought about it. "I don't think I can't talk Xander into taking him this time, though".

Bob shook his head. "I don't need Spike to leave. I just need you to remember my side of it sometimes".

"Thank you," I said softly. "Have I told you lately how incredibly lucky I am to have you?"

Bob gave me a wink. "A guy doesn't tire of hearing a pretty lady say it". We kissed again, and eventually finished what we'd started hours earlier.

Occasionally, Spike had visitors. Gunn came, and left shaking his head. "It ain't right, Spike being like that. Still, never thought I'd see his face again. It's more than I ever expected". He looked at Spike's brown curls, and took a picture. "I'm gonna tease him with this someday," he joked.

Betta George came. "His mind is disconcerting. I can sense his emotions, and he seems to have pictures flashing through his brain, but I couldn't reach him any better than you have," he told me.

On another occasion, George brought Beck, a woman in her late thirties and dressed all in black leather. Beck looked at me disdainfully, and wouldn't say much to me either. She talked to Spike for awhile, and was obviously upset when she left. She never came back.

"What was her deal?" I asked George the next time I saw him.

"She was... fond of Spike. She looked up to him, tried to emulate him".

Loved him too I thought. I didn't like to be reminded that Spike had lived a life apart from me after Sunnydale.

Angel came, on his own. Faith had married a year ago, and was enjoying being 'normal' for a change, so Angel carried on the good fight, alone once again.

He didn't stay long, though. I sat on my front porch waiting for him, Spike by my side. The moment Angel stepped from his car, Spike vamped out and began to growl ferociously. When Angel tried to come up our driveway, Spike stood in front of me, snarling and snapping like a rabid dog.

Angel retreated, and Spike settled down.

"Buffy?" he called to me from the street. "I don't think Spike wants to see me". I laughed. I had asked Angel to come, still hoping that somebody would trigger Spike's recovery. Was it Angel himself that Spike was 'protecting' me from, or simply another vampire?

Billy was rapidly approaching 16. He had joined a band, and he found himself torn between hanging out with the guys at night and caring for his father. I felt bad for him. We had found Spike, but Billy still didn't know his father. Spike, on the other hand, was definitely attached to Billy, and spent a lot of time staring at his face, but that didn't make for much of a relationship with a teenager.

One day, Willow called. She said she had one more spell to try.

"This one's a little different, Buffy," she told me, as she set up the candles. "It's kind of a diagnostic test. Like, when you take your car into the garage, and they hook it up to the computer and tell you what's wrong with it".

"You're going to hook Spike up to a computer?" I frowned.

"No, no. But the spell will tell me what part of him is broken and how to fix it. It's kind of hard to explain. Just watch".

"That's some cool magic, Will!"

"Yeah. Too bad it only works on mystical owies. Otherwise I could put doctors right out of business".

"Probably safer for your health that you can't. Those doctors can be vicious when you take away their clients, Hippocratic Oath be damned!" I joked.

The spell caused Willow to turn green and glow-y. She approached Spike, and slowly passed her hands over him without actually touching him. When she reached his head, the glow turned an angry red, and she stopped. For awhile she just stood there, and then without warning, plunged her hands into his head.

I screamed. I couldn't help it.

She looked at me in irritation, and continued what she was doing. Spike seemed unaffected, so I shut up. She chanted more, moving her hands slowly, and eventually the glow turned into swirls of green and red. Then she stepped back, and shuddered, eyes closed. The glow disappeared completely.

For the longest time, she didn't say anything, and I was afraid she had fallen asleep, but I didn't want to disturb her and incur her witchy wrath again.

Eventually she opened her eyes. "Juice?" she croaked. I hurried to oblige.

After drinking deeply, she began. "There's good news, and there's less good news".

I waited.

"The effects of the spell are over. That's the good news. In theory, he should be fine. The separation that was forced on his consciousness blocked it from returning to his body, and that block is no longer there. In fact, it looks like it's been gone for awhile. One of the healing spells I did must have worked".

"I know there's a big 'but' in there somewhere, because the mute and mostly obedient Spike sitting next to us tells me otherwise," I grimaced.

"And that's the less good news. It looks like by the time I removed the block, he was used to being like this. That's really all it is. He no longer remembers how to be whole, so his own lack of desire to be so is blocking his return".

"But we can fix it, right? How can we fix it?" I demanded.

"We can't," Willow said. "Only Spike can".

"Point out to me where this goes, because first you tell me Spike doesn't want to be fixed, and then you tell me only Spike can fix it. I'm not seeing a solution here," I said angrily. I couldn't help but be angry. This wasn't good news at all.

Willow put her arms around me in sympathy. "Spike needs to want to get himself back. It could happen at any time. Or never. Right now, there's no reason for him to. My guess is, if he suffers a big enough shock, or gets in a situation that is too dangerous, he'll suddenly pull together".

"Or die". I said.

Willow shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry Buffy. There's nothing else we can do".