Chapter 11:
Kurt spends the whole day in the hotel room reading, doing nothing, watching TV, trying to empty his head of what's going on with Puck. He can't believe he's having feelings for Puck. He hasn't noticed any big change in the way he feels about Puck, but when Blaine told him it was obvious to him. What is scaring Kurt though, is that, since he noticed no change in the way he feels about Puck, it means that he certainly had feelings for him before, that he was lying to himself, trying to convince himself that he had feelings for Blaine.
And now he feels stupid. Oh so stupid, he has feelings for his best friend. His best friend who appears to be straight as an arrow. Okay, Puck has done gay things during the week but that's what Kurt asked him to do and Puck was happy to make Blaine jealous so he played his part the best he could. Kurt sighs and enters the bathroom to clean it up since he's got nothing else to do at that moment. But when his eyes land on the shower he blushes furiously, leaves the bathroom and closes the door. The image of Puck panting above him and moaning and saying his name comes back in his mind and he can't make it go away. That's wrong. Puck shouldn't have taken pleasure in this and he should have never offered Kurt to do it. The worst part is that, Kurt took pleasure in this as well, he was rock hard at the end, that's part of why he had left in a hurry. He didn't know how Puck would react at seeing that Kurt had taken pleasure in giving him a blow job. And then Puck had told him that it had been amazing and everything and he had taken Kurt in his arms to comfort him and, how was Kurt supposed not to have feelings for him when he behaved like this ? The hand holdings and sleeping in the same bed, that was part of their masquerade. But when Puck hugged him in their room or in the park, when he comforted Kurt when himself was in a cell, that was not acting, that was for real. As for the kiss. No one had ever kissed Kurt and the day before, Puck came in the middle of the crowd and kissed as if it was a natural thing to do. He did not have to do that, maybe Blaine challenged him to do it but Puck is not the kind of guy who do things they don't want to do. Kurt sighs and glances at his watch, it's 6:30 pm, Puck might have figured out why Kurt is not dating Blaine by now.
Blaine and Jeremiah come back at the hotel an hour later, not looking so much like a couple and Kurt feels bad about that. He never meant to hurt Blaine, all he wishes is for Blaine to be happy.
"Where is Puck ?" Blaine asks looking around. Kurt feels a pang in his stomach at the question. He hasn't allowed himself to worry the whole day but now he can't do it anymore.
"I don't know." He says. "I haven't seen him since this morning in the square, he didn't come back, I have no idea when he'll be back and-"
"Hey, calm down, take a breath." Blaine tells him. "He'll be back soon, maybe he just needs time for himself." Kurt knows that Blaine is aware of part of the situation. He nods quietly, taking a deep breath to relax himself.
"But what if something happened to him ? I left him alone and now he's not coming back." Kurt says, not able to stop panicking. He starts to hyperventilate, tears streaming down his face. Jeremiah walks to him, grabs a plastic bag and gives it to Kurt.
"Sit down." He tells him softly. Kurt does as he's told to do and breathes in the bag until he feels his heart beat go slower.
"Hey guys, I bought some-"
"Puck !" Kurt screams as he sees his friend enter the room. He runs to him and takes him in his arms. "I've been so worried you have no idea." Kurt says not letting go of Puck.
"I wanted to come back earlier but I couldn't find any damn fish and chips." Puck explains. "You okay ?" He asks Kurt who's sobbing in his chest.
"No I'm not okay, you weren't coming back Puck ! I've never been so worried in my life, I imagined that you had been attacked or something or arrested again or... I don't know but something bad." Kurt says. Puck hugs him back.
"Sorry, I needed to, you know, sort out the shit going on in my head." Puck tells him, kissing the top of Kurt's head. And Kurt's mind is a mess again. Never before they came in London Puck had hugged him like that or kissed him and now it looks like the most natural thing in the world.
"I'm starving." Kurt finally says when the silence was stretching in the room.
"Great, coz' I have fish and chips for everyone." Puck says smiling. They all sit on Blaine and Jeremiah's bed and start eating in silence because it appears that everyone was starving. They tell Jeremiah about everything that happened since he left, the morning of the day before. Tell him about the robbery, how they got lost in the streets. They tell him what happened at the police station and Jeremiah gets angry for the first time since they met him. Kurt discovers that he's a defender of gay rights, that he's part of an association and he tells them that they should have sued the officer for what he told Kurt. Puck tells him how he punched the cop right in the nose, certain that he broke his nose and how he got locked up in a cell for three hours after that.
"I don't get it, if you got all your money stolen, how come you still have money ?" Jeremiah asks looking lost.
"My dad had given me his credit card in case something happened." Kurt explains. "I had hidden it in a book and the robber didn't find it."
"Your dad thinks about everything." Jeremiah states.
"He can be creepy but I admit that it was bright." Puck says, stealing a chip from Kurt's box. Kurt elbows him in the ribs.
"My dad is not creepy, he just thinks that you're going to corrupt me that's all." Kurt tells him. "But he likes you better now that I told him what you did to that cop."
"Good thing, coz' he totally threatened to kill me if something happened to you even if I had nothing to do with it." Puck says.
"It must be hard, your dad not approving of your boyfriend." Jeremiah says. That's when Kurt realizes that Jeremiah still believes that they're boyfriends.
"We got used to it since he didn't approve of me when I was only Kurt's friend." Puck shrugs, passing his arm around Kurt's shoulders. Blaine smiles at Kurt but Kurt doesn't know what to think of Puck's behavior. He's used to not getting Puck's behavior, but now that he has feelings for him he can't stand it. Then Blaine tells Jeremiah about London eye and the amazing view of London it gave them.
The rest of the dinner goes peacefully and when they decide to go to bed, the knot in Kurt's stomach appears again. He doesn't want to be alone with Puck right now, he doesn't know if Puck figured out that Kurt has feelings for him but either way it's not going to be pleasant. If Puck knows how Kurt feels about him then he's going to explain him that he can't have those kinds of feelings for Kurt and Kurt gets heart broken. Or he doesn't know and he's going to spend the whole night asking him.
"I'm sorry you know." Puck says once they're in their room.
"Why ?" Kurt asks, dreading what Puck is going to tell him. He's expecting something like 'I'm sorry I can't love you back', or 'no offense but you're a dude'.
"I didn't mean to get you worried. When I saw it was getting late I wanted to call you to let you know where I was but you didn't have your mobile." Puck explains.
"It's okay, I just freaked out for nothing as usual." Kurt says faking a chuckle. "But you never do that again." He adds.
"Get it." Puck says. "But you don't need to worry you know, I'm a stud, no one can hurt me, even less British people."
"It's not because they're British that they can't hurt you." Kurt tells him.
"Dude, I totally punched a British cop yesterday. No one can hurt me." Puck says showing off his guns with pride.
"Sure." Kurt says with a light chuckle. Puck nods in appreciation, takes off his pants and T shirt and once again, Kurt has a vision of what happened the very morning of this day. He turns around, pretending to be looking for something until Puck slips under the covers. When he hears the noise of the bed he turns around to find Puck lying on it but absolutely not under the covers. He sighs internally and goes to the bed as well wearing his warm pajamas.
"Dude, you're totally gonna melt in those PJ's the heater is fucked up it's almost one hundred degrees in here." Puck states when Kurt is lying next to him. Puck is right, he's already sweating under his clothes, but he wouldn't feel comfortable lying next to an almost naked Puck equally almost naked.
"I'm okay." He says. Puck doesn't add anything and an embarrassed silence settles again between them. "Puck, about this morning in the shower I-"
"It's okay, we don't need to talk about it." Puck tells him.
"I just wanted to tell you that I'm really sorry." Kurt says.
"Why the fuck are you sorry ?" Puck asks, sounding irritated. "I'm tired of you always being sorry. I'm the one who's sorry here coz' I never should've offered you to do it, it was a mistake and I hated the state I found you in in the square." Puck says and Kurt feels slightly relieved.
"Still, I-"
"Look, I don't want us to argue over bullshit again, so drop it." Puck says. Kurt doesn't add anything, he doesn't want Puck to be mad at him and clearly he's on the edge. He shifts uncomfortably on the bed, trying to find a comfortable position in this pajama which is going to kill him and trying to stay as far as he can from Puck. "Wait." Puck says all of a sudden. "Is that why you're wearing those damn pajamas ?" Puck asks. Kurt doesn't answer, feeling stupid. "If you feel uncomfortable it's okay I can sleep on the floor." Puck offers sitting up. Kurt grabs his arm.
"Don't. It's stupid, I just didn't want you to feel uncomfortable next to me." Kurt admits. Puck shakes his head in disbelief.
"Seriously ? Have you ever seen me uncomfortable ? Duh, I'm a stud remember." Puck states. "Take that off before you disappear in a puddle of sweat."
"Charming." Kurt states. He sits up and takes his pajamas off, feeling free and relieved that Puck doesn't mind. He lies back in the bed, still keeping a safe distance from Puck for his own safety. Kurt still doesn't know if Puck knows or not about his feelings but he's glad that Puck doesn't bring up the subject.
"You know that I won't hate you right ?" Puck asks as if he has just read Kurt's mind. So he knows, he has understood but he still behaves like before. Well, that's the best Kurt could be hoping for. "I mean, I don't know what is it that could be that awful for me to hate you." Puck says. Kurt doesn't say a thing, lost. "You won't tell me." Puck states.
"I told you, you're going to figure out by yourself." Kurt says.
"What if I don't ?" Puck asks.
"That would be even better." Kurt answers. Puck sighs but doesn't say a thing.
"I'm tired of all that shit going on." He states after a silent while. He turns on his stomach, passing an arm over Kurt's torso and burying his face against Kurt's shoulder. "'d night baby face." He mutters. Kurt sighs internally, he wanted to avoid any form of physical contact with Puck and now he's prisoner of his arms and is glad of it. He clearly has no will.