Chapter 11: Haunting

The days after the funeral seemed unreal to Alfred. Every day that he'd wake up felt like another challenge. It had been years since he slept in a bed by himself, and he missed the warmth that used to be at his side. It was enough sometimes to even make him cry. He couldn't find it in himself to get up for anything on those days. He just wanted to lay there curled up on Monika's side of the bed and rot into it. He didn't want to face the sunlight coming in from closed curtains. He didn't want to deal with the boxes of Monika's belongings.

Alfred thought he could have kept himself together like he did during the funeral planning and ceremony, but he couldn't. He just felt so tired, so damn tired.

"Daddy?"

Alfred opened his eyes, blinked away the tears, but didn't move.

"Daddy you awake?"

Alfred stayed silent, a part of him crying out to make him speak, but another wishing for his daughter to leave. Marla stood her ground however and even climbed up onto the bed and started to poke the covered form of her father.

"Daddy, I'm hungry."

Alfred sighed deeply and sniffled as he rubbed at his face.

"Okay baby, just give me a second okay," Alfred said from under the covers.

"Okay," Marla said happily then climbed off the bed. "Hurry up!" she added before leaving the room.

Alfred pulled off the covers and looked up just in time to see the back of Marla's head turn around the corner.

'Get up! You have to get up for her!'

Alfred sat up fully in bed and covered his face with his hands.

'Get! Up!'

He pressed his palms to his eyes and took several deep breaths.

"Daaaaaddyyyyyy!" Marla shouted from down the stairs, her patience completely gone.

"I'm comin' Marla! Hold on!" Alfred shouted back hoarsely.

"Okay!"

Alfred could hear Marla run off somewhere into the house and he sighed before moving to get out of bed. He walked to his bathroom to relieve himself, then stared at himself in the mirror as he washed his hands. His hair was everywhere, eyes bloodshot, and bags hung under his eyes. He knew he hadn't slept well since Monika passed, and it was finally starting to show. He sighed and thought about brushing his teeth and shaving his face, but it just wasn't in him to go that far. He wasn't going to work today, had been given two weeks of leave and vacation time since Monika's funeral, so he didn't see a point in putting in the effort.

Instead he moved on, heading out of the bedroom to the stairs in his t-shirt and boxers from the day before. Once on the first floor he could hear the TV on and walked past it to get to the kitchen. There he found Marla standing on a chair trying to climb up onto the counter to open the cereal cabinet.

"Marla, get down from there," Alfred said quickly and Marla jerked out of fright and nearly fell over. Alfred gasped and quickly caught his daughter before she fell then set her on the floor. "Don't ever do that again!" he scolded and Marla just looked at her toes.

"Y-You was takin' so long and I was hungry…" she mumbled.

Alfred sighed and crouched down to Marla's level.

"I'm sorry I took so long. Go sit at the table and I'll make you some eggs and bacon."

Marla instantly perked up and nodded her head obediently before going to the dining table in the next room. Alfred smiled at her then turned around to get breakfast started. He grabbed out supplies and set about making the meal with ease, though as he flipped the bacon he realized for the first time that Monika hadn't yelled at him to do so. He sighed as he recalled the times he nearly ruined a meal until Monika shoved him out of the way and showed him how to do it.

"You're cooking skills must have come from Arthur."

Alfred rubbed at his eyes as he recalled the words then took the bacon from the pan.

The rest of the day seemed to drag on and Alfred spent most of it laying on the couch in front of the TV. Marla sat on a small cookie bean bag watching TV from the floor but also pausing to color in her coloring books. Alfred had phoned in lunch and once Marla passed out for a nap Alfred did move from the couch to wash his food down with a few beers. He never really drank much and honestly couldn't remember when he even bought the beer he was drinking, but it didn't matter. It tasted good and felt good. When dinner rolled around Alfred phoned it in and had a few more beers to wash that down.

Marla became curious to her father's actions, never having seen him so unmoving. She crawled over to his face, peeking over the couch cushion.

"What is it, Marla?" Alfred asked as he focused his eyes on her.

Marla grimaced at the smell of beer on Alfred's breath. "You stink. Are you sick?" she asked as she studied Alfred.

"No. Just… tired," Alfred replied and Marla gave a hum.

"You should take a nap," she said.

"I don't feel like it," Alfred countered then stuck out his tongue to make Marla smile.

"You said I always had to take a nap even when I didn' want to," she said in a happy tone as she reached out to try and poke Alfred's tongue.

Alfred gave a huff to her words then moved his tongue around to evade Marla's finger. He made faces that made her giggle as he moved his tongue, then gave up as yawn left him. Marla then yawned after him and Alfred reached forward to drag Marla onto the couch and onto his stomach.

"You are the best daughter ever," he said as he touched Marla's pale blonde hair.

"I know," she said with a smile. "And you are the best daddy ever."

Alfred smiled at hearing that.

"You're the best husband I could have ever asked for."

"Are you okay?"

Alfred blinked rapidly then sat up and put Marla on the couch.

"Yeah… I just… need to go the bathroom."

Marla watched curiously as Alfred got up and headed to the bathroom near the laundry room. Alfred turned on the sink and splashed water onto his face to clear his head. He then looked up at the mirror to see his unshaven face staring back.

"Are you going to become a real bear my bärchen?"

Alfred shivered as he felt a hand touch his face, burning trails on his skin. He knew there wasn't a hand touching him, but for some reason it felt like there was. He rubbed at his own face with his hands then sighed and left the bathroom.

'Get it together.'

Alfred walked back out to the living room and found Marla still on the couch waiting for him.

"Move over squirt. You're takin' up the whole couch."

Marla started to say she wasn't, but Alfred was already starting to sit down on her. She giggled and shrieked as Alfred laid out on her and she barely managed to wiggle free. Alfred smiled at her then proceeded to snatch her up and tickle her. Marla's laughter became so loud Alfred knew it would drown out his own.

"Had enough?"

"YES!" Marla shouted between laughs and Alfred just grinned and let go. Marla laid on the couch panting and smiling then sat up. "Now it's your turn!"

Marla lunged forward to tickle Alfred back and he felt better than he had in days, albeit for a brief moment.

Things eventually calmed down and soon it was time for bed. Alfred got Marla ready for bed and kissed her goodnight, then went to his own room to feel the high of his time with Marla fade away. He crawled into bed and curled up in the sheets and blanket once he removed his glasses. He stared at the darkness unseeing, but then it lit up with a light and the sound of a vibration. It was in that moment Alfred remembered that he had never grabbed his phone when he woke up. He reached over to see who had messaged him and saw it was Ivan. He found himself smiling softly as he opened his tests to see Ivan had left him three messages.

'Good morning' 'How are you doing?' 'Are you at work?'

Alfred felt a bit guilty for never getting to answer Ivan and moved on to see the rest of his notifications. His parents texted him and Matthew as well, all asking how he and Marla were doing. He then checked his social media to see message there too about his and Marla's wellbeing either in simple text or placed over funny pictures. Ivan had even left snaps for him. The first one was a repeat of the first text 'Good morning' but with a sun emoji added. The second was of Sputnik laying in the sun. The third was a picture of blueprints with 2:30pm in the middle of the screen.

"When I'm gone, I want you to be happy."

Alfred cursed as he heard this and put his phone back on the nightstand.

"I'm not fuckin' happy. I just want you back. I want us back," Alfred said in the darkness with a frown on his face. "Look at me losing my damn mind and talking to myself."

Alfred rolled over and held the bedding tighter in his hands.

'Just sleep.'

It took a while, but Alfred finally managed to fall asleep. He had a dream so vivid he could tasted the chapstick on Monika's lips, could feel her soft hair, could feel her heart fall still.

:/:/:/:/:

Alfred came to realize that he couldn't stand his house any longer. He couldn't stand the way he felt, the way he thought, the way he treated Marla. He found himself on more than one occasion just wanting to burn down the house with himself and Marla inside. It was a scary thought that had motivated him to try and pull himself out of whatever hole he was sinking into, but he couldn't. The thoughts plagued his dreams, his memories of Monika surfaced wherever his was. It was worse when he was at home. He thought of moving but he had nowhere to go and no money to do it.

He was tired of crying, tired of feeling so worthless, and shitty. Not even Marla could make him put up some sort of a front anymore.

"Daddy…are you gonna get up now?"

Marla stood before her father's bed with his phone in her hands. A call had come through but Alfred had let it go to voicemail even though she tried to give it to him.

"Marla, go away."

"Daddy… but I'm hungry…" she mumbled.

Alfred curled up tighter under his blankets.

"Baby, Daddy is not feeling well, so go away."

Marla felt her heart race out of anxiousness.

"But, Daddy—"

"Dammit Marla, go away!" Alfred shouted as he sprung up from his covers. "All you do is complain! You ain't the only one hurting so get out!"

Marla froze up where she was and felt tears spring to her eyes. Alfred felt his anger simmer down almost as quickly as it had boiled over.

"F-Fine! I'll go!"

Marla turned and ran out of the room as Alfred tried to call her back. Marla slammed the door to her room and raised her hand to throw the phone she still held in her hands, but stopped as the device rang. She saw the name on it and quickly answered it, having learned the names of her family well.

"Ivan!"

"Marla? What's going on?" Ivan asked voice tense with worry at the crying child.

"C-Can you get me? Please," she begged as tears streamed down her face. "Pleeeaaassseee!"

"I'm coming," Ivan said firmly. "Stay out of Alfred's way until I get there. I will call you every 30 minutes to make sure you're okay, got it?"

"Uh-huh," she croaked out.

"Good. Get your things together. See you soon."

"Ok."

Marla hung up and quickly did as told. She grabbed her sleepover bag and stuffed it with clothing and then waited for as long as she could before going outside her room to go the bathroom and find some crackers to eat. She managed to go undetected by her father and slipped back into her room.

The calls came regularly as promised and Ivan eventually arrived, though not soon enough for her liking. Ivan came up to her room quietly, having a spare key to Alfred's home, and knocked on her door softly.

"Marla?"

Marla quickly opened the door and tackled Ivan in a hug. He hugged her back and slipped into her room.

"Are you okay? Are you hurt anywhere?"

"I'm okay, just really hungry," she said sadly. "I just wanted to eat, but Daddy yelled at me to leave…"

Ivan gave a hum to this then pulled away from Marla.

"You stay here and I will talk to your daddy," Ivan said. "It'll be okay."

Marla nodded her head though she still looked worried. Ivan left her room and walked to Alfred's room silently. He walked through the open door to see Alfred unmoving under his blankets.

"Alfred?" Alfred twitched under his covers. "Alfred, I know you are hurting over Monika, but neglecting Marla is even wor—"

"Don't say it!" Alfred said firmly. "I know what I did and I feel terrible about it. Just take Marla and leave me alone… please." Ivan furrowed his brow at hearing the desperation in Alfred's voice. "I'm not fit to be her father anymore."

Ivan stared at Alfred's covered body then moved to sit down beside him. Alfred tensed but didn't move away.

"Alfred… This may sound bad but… This isn't what Monika would have wanted for you. Didn't you promise to be happy? To move on? Don't you think you owe it to her to keep that promise and take care of your daughter? You can't just treat her like this. You can't just lay here all day. You can't just ignore what's around you!"

"I GET IT!" Alfred shouted, which was followed by a choked sob. "I-I get it… I'm the worst. All Marla wanted was food and I… I just hurt so much Ivan." Alfred pressed the blanket to his eyes and Ivan put a hand on his hip for comfort. "I hurt so damn much. I thought I could keep it together for Marla, or at least fake it, but I couldn' keep it up." Alfred sucked in a harsh breath before continuing. "I-I miss Mona so much, but… but I can't stand it anymore. I know what I promised her and I hate that I can't get my fuckin' shit together. Every damn day that I'm in this house I just keep hearing her voice, feeling her touch, and the dreams… God, the dreams!" Alfred broke out into a sob and Ivan rubbed and patted his hip and side. "I just-I just want to burn this house down. I don't want to keep feeling like this."

Ivan felt his heart twist at Alfred's confession and he was glad that he had called. It had been over a week of silence from Alfred and he couldn't take it anymore. He was scared that something terrible had happened, but when Marla picked up he found that he possibly prevented that terrible something.

"Alfred… If you know these things then make a change... Come home with me."

"I can't do that to you. You've already done so fuckin' much for me." Alfred said as he tried to shy away from Ivan's hand.

Ivan took a deep breath and took his hand back.

"I know losing someone is tough. I lost my mother when I was 10, and then lost my grandmother, who took over for my mother, when I was 16. I think you remember that?" Ivan said in a far off voice and Alfred remained silent. "What I'm saying is, it hurts. It hurts a lot and you feel like you can't move on, but really it's just that you don't want to. You feel like you have to keep grieving to keep remembering just to make sure they still existed in the first place. Sometimes you feel like dying yourself so you don't have to feel so terrible or helpless, but it's okay. Things get better and that's what Monika wanted you to do. She wanted you to be happy that she was free from her illness and off to a better place. She wanted you to find someone new to love and make the best of your life and Marla's."

Ivan paused for a moment to see if Alfred had anything to say, but the blonde stayed silent.

"Fredya, you need to move on, and if you need help doing so then I will help you. I'm willing, right here right now, to take you home with me so you can forget about this house. You can start over and I'll be there. Your parents will be there too and I know Matthew will be glad to lend a hand, and all our friends too."

"But the money—"

"Screw the money!" Ivan snapped getting a bit annoyed by Alfred's excuses to reject him. "I have enough, and I'm sure you can find a programming job in Oregon."

"I don't know…"

Ivan frowned as he heard this and moved to straddle Alfred and pull the blankets from his hands. Alfred looked up at Ivan in complete surprise and Ivan looked at Alfred in surprise as well. Alfred had a beard fit for a lumberjack on his face. Dark circles hung under his red eyes and he looked like he hadn't eaten in a while.

"Fredya, if you don't accept my offer then I will drag you out of this house by your fucking beard."

The threat was true and to make Alfred's will break even more he caught sight of Marla standing in the doorway. She looked like she was spying on them and quickly moved back once she noticed Alfred's stare. Alfred looked back up to Ivan and had fresh tears come to his eyes.

"Okay."

Ivan smiled at hearing the answer and moved to hug Alfred tightly who eagerly enjoyed the contact. Once they pulled apart Ivan instructed Alfred take a shower and shave his face. Alfred obeyed and Ivan set about packing Alfred's clothes. When Alfred came out he felt better than before, but not by much.

"Here, put these on then go help Marla pack. We're going to take all your clothes and then clean out your fridge and whatever else before leaving. We can come back for the other stuff later."

Alfred didn't fight Ivan at all and put on the clothing given to him then headed to Marla's room. There he saw her perk up, but then shrink back, which immediately told him she was looking for Ivan. Alfred swallowed a lump in his throat then got down to one knee.

"Marla… I'm sorry for how I acted. I… Ever since mommy left I haven't been myself. I'm sorry I yelled at you and ignored you," he said, the regret clear in his voice. "Can you forgive me, baby girl?"

Marla eyed her father critically then moved from behind her bed to come up to him and hug him tightly.

"It's okay. Mommy's watching us so, you don't have to be sad."

"You're such a good girl."

***I'm still working on chp. 15 but it looks like I'll be catching up to myself pretty soon :T No matter, it's all good u.u There are 20 chapters and the bulk of the story is already pre written so I'm not sweatin. Thank you all for the reviews and comments. It means a lot to me and I know my editor/friend, Tangerine Forget-Me-Not, appreciates not having to deal with my depressed and unmotivated ass XD Next update in 3 days as usual!*