Steve's cell phone made a little chirping noise every time he got a new email. It got annoying after awhile, but he hadn't figured out how to turn it off yet. He'd ask Sharon the next time he saw her; she would be most likely to fix it without making any wisecracks about his command of technology.

Despite the annoying quality of the email notifications, it did get him to check his email more frequently than he might have otherwise. Steve pulled up his email account to see what was going on now.

It was another email from Tony.

Attention Avengers!

The following items have been designated as inappropriate uses of Cap's shield.

Steve had to wonder if Tony really had nothing better to do with his time, but he kept reading anyway, curious – and strangely entertained.

Frisbee (this should go without saying – it's all fun until someone loses their head!)

Serving platter

Trash receptacle

Receptacle for anything, pretty much

Hat

Sled

Satellite dish

Umbrella

Hulk chew toy

I would have made it an even ten, but the formatting got messed up and I can't be bothered to fix it right now. Add anything to this list you like!

Steve shook his head and sent off a reply, pleased with himself that at least he'd gotten the hang of email.

If you have to even wonder if it's inappropriate, it probably is. Stop touching my shield.

Steve

Having done his part to play along, Steve went back to the book he'd been reading. He had gotten another chapter in before Tony interrupted via the PA system.

"It's Avengers happy hour time, folks! We'll see you in the fifty-fifth floor bar. Uniforms are optional, clothing is not – unless you're female!"

Steve sighed and set his book aside. Despite several of Tony's attempts at experimentation, alcohol still didn't affect him – and Steve knew that was why he needed to be on hand to supervise the antics. Bruce didn't generally drink, claiming that it affected his control and no one wanted to see a drunk Hulk. Tony countered that a drunk Hulk was exactly what everyone wanted to see...and so it went. Even if mere Earth alcohol didn't get Thor drunk, he still enjoyed the festivities a little much at times, but Steve figured he and Bruce could keep the others from getting too wild.

Besides, Steve had gotten to the point where he was beginning to find the milder side of his team's antics entertaining.

Apparently, Tony's invite had been issued about an hour after he, Clint, and Natasha had already gotten the party started. Though Steve knew drinking was not truly a Russian Olympic sport, as Clint claimed, Natasha was pretty solid despite her smaller frame. She and Clint were once again trying to out-drink each other, and Tony never needed an excuse to drink. By the time Steve arrived, Bruce not far behind him, "Sexy and I Know It" was blasting through the bar and Tony was happily watching Natasha and Clint grinding to the music. Steve had been somewhat shocked by that style of dance when he first saw it, but like other conventions of the twenty-first century, he was starting to get used to it.

Bruce had procured two bottles of water from under the bar and handed one to Steve. He calmly assessed the scene ahead of them. "So is it just me or does it look like those two are a couple of minutes away from having sex on the spot?"

Old-fashioned values made Steve squirm a bit at the thought, but he tried not to judge too harshly. He'd gotten himself in enough trouble with his off-the-cuff assessment of Tony Stark at the beginning of all this. "Yeah. Sure seems that way."

Bruce nodded. "Okay, as long as we're both on the same page. If those clothes come off, I'm spraying them with a fire hose."

"Do we even have a fire hose?" Steve asked, curious. It seemed like a hose would have been replaced with something more complicated in anything Tony designed.

"Probably not." Bruce shrugged. "I'll find something."

"Fire extinguisher?" Steve suggested. He knew they had several of those on each floor.

Bruce chuckled, then nodded. "Hopefully the dry chemical kind. That'd distract them."

Thor came barreling into the room moments later, with his usual enthusiasm for anything remotely resembling a party. He looked around the room until his eyes fell on the karaoke machine. They'd tried karaoke at a team night. Thor had really, really enjoyed the experience – both observing and participating.

"Oh, God," Bruce muttered to Steve. "This is totally going to turn into a drunken karaoke party, isn't it?"

Steve sighed, nodding. "Yeah. Sure seems that way."

Two hours in, Thor was the only one of the Avengers' party animals who was still sober. They actually weren't half bad singers, though. As the afternoon wore on, Natasha started to mix her languages a bit and Clint found it endlessly entertaining, at least when he wasn't the one providing the entertainment. Clint was currently providing a heartfelt rendition of "Hit Me With Your Best Shot," and though it wasn't in Steve's nature to be amused at the sake of others, he was beginning to relax and enjoy the show. They were all adults who had gotten into this willingly.

Pepper wandered in at the end of Clint's song, shaking her head. She smiled and waved at Steve and Bruce. "Sorry I left you two to be the designated adults, but someone's got to run the company."

"Oh, it's quite all right." Bruce had finally allowed himself a single drink, which he'd been nursing over the last half hour. "They've been pussycats, actually."

Pepper glanced around. "Where's Tony?"

That was an excellent question. Tony had been quiet – too quiet. Steve looked around, then to Bruce, hopefully.

Bruce set his drink aside immediately, looking alarmed – but without a trace of green in his complexion. "Crap, we lost one."

And it would have figured it would be the one they probably needed to keep the closest eye on. Steve frowned, deliberately avoiding looking at Pepper. "Jarvis, where is Tony?"

"Mr. Stark is not in the building," Jarvis answered.

"Shit," Bruce groaned.

Steve trusted Tony wouldn't be stupid enough to drive drunk, but there were many other ways in which Tony could have left. He risked a glance at Pepper, who looked vaguely annoyed but not enraged. "How long ago did he leave?"

"Approximately ten minutes, sir," Jarvis replied. At least they hadn't lost track of Tony for too long.

"Does he have the suit?" Pepper asked.

"Yes, Ms. Potts."

Pepper rolled her eyes. "Did you at least try to stop him?" Steve hoped she was asking Jarvis, because he really didn't have a good answer for her. He was kicking himself for letting Tony slip out.

"I made a recommendation, but there was nothing in my protocols to prevent Mr. Stark from leaving the property," Jarvis said.

Pepper put a hand to her forehead. "God, the last time he was drunk in the suit..."

"What happened?" Steve asked, worried. "We'll find him, I promise."

"He made an ass of himself and got into it with Rhodey." Pepper waved a hand, as if she didn't want to discuss it any further, and Steve was happy to respect that. "We'll find him, all right. And then I'm going to kick his ass. I told him I wouldn't stop him from drinking, but he doesn't have to be stupid about it!"

"Agreed." Bruce surveyed the others. "Thor could help us search, but I wouldn't count on our master assassins to walk a straight line about now."

"Is it possible that someone would...find him?" Steve shrugged as Pepper and Bruce looked at him curiously. "I mean, he doesn't exactly blend into a crowd under normal circumstances..." His cell phone rang, and though he was inclined to ignore it, he hoped Tony was calling. The caller ID was Sharon, however.

Pepper glanced at the screen. "Answer it. If he's gotten into enough trouble for SHIELD to get involved, we might as well know now."

It was possible Sharon was calling him just to chat, but Steve somehow doubted it would be that simple. Sharon was usually working around this time. He picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hi, Steve." Sharon sounded too calm. "I think I have something that belongs to you guys."

Even if Steve hadn't heard Tony rambling in the background, that would have been his first guess. Well, at least someone friendly found him. "Where is he?"

"At work with me," Sharon said, sounded less put out than Steve would have been. "I caught him peeking through the window of Dr. Richards' lab."

Steve frowned. "Isn't that forty floors or so up?"

"Yes." In the background, Tony was shouting something about unnecessary restraint. "He's inside. He's fine, just drunk." From her tone, Steve guessed she was probably shaking her head or close to doing so. "He used to do shit like this to me when we were teenagers. Without the suit, of course – but, you know, dramatic alcohol-fueled antics."

Steve sighed, closing his eyes briefly. "I'll come get him."

"I'd appreciate it. I'd hate to have to make Ben sit on him."

"I'll see you soon." Steve hung up, then looked at Pepper and Bruce. "Okay, I'm going to go get Tony."

"By yourself?" Pepper asked. "No way. I'll drive you. I don't think Tony's going to fit well on the back of your motorcycle." It apparently went without saying that Steve driving one of Tony's cars would be a bad idea. Steve wasn't insulted by this, since it was true.

"What?" Bruce shook his head firmly. "No. No way are you two going off and leaving me here by myself! Even if Thor helps me babysit, just no. Pepper, can you handle Tony by yourself?"

Pepper nodded, but she looked uncertain. "Of course, unless he resists. I mean, physically..."

"Maybe you should go, then?" Steve asked Bruce. He wanted to keep everybody happy, though he knew that Bruce didn't have the same physical prowess when he wasn't Hulk.

"Okay, okay." Pepper held up her hands – the woman with a plan, as usual. "Here's what we're going to do. Steve, you take Happy and go get Tony. I will deal with Tony when you get here. In the meantime, Bruce and I will put a movie on or something and get everyone to settle down."

"Good idea." Redirecting the others wouldn't be terribly difficult, Steve surmised. He headed for the door, then stopped, borrowing an idea from Sharon. "If all else fails, have the Hulk sit on them."

Bruce's smile was patient, but controlled chaos lurked in his eyes. "Believe me, that is more tempting than you know."

Breakfast the next morning was notably silent, with the exception of Tony muttering something when he came in about how sleeping on the couch wasn't so bad, because his couches were comfortable. Tony mixed up at batch of his preferred hangover remedy, passing it out to himself, Clint, and Natasha. They shot him grateful looks, but the exchange was wordless. Even Thor was quiet, after having assessed his teammates, and that was something of a minor miracle. Thor was still getting the hang of inside voices, after all.

Steve exchanged a look with Bruce, who smiled back with the smug satisfaction of someone who was seeing natural consequences played out. Steve couldn't blame him. As much as Steve hated to see any of his friends suffering, after hauling Tony – suit and all – back home, his sympathy quotient was a notch lower than it otherwise would have been. He wasn't going to deliberately aggravate them, though, so he ate his oatmeal quietly.

About halfway through the meal, a beam of light shot straight from the ceiling to the floor of the dining area. That got everyone's attention. After a minute, the light beam began to resemble the outline of a person, and the group came to stand together, their postures ready to fight if necessary. None of them had their weapons – it was breakfast – but they were each skilled in hand-to-hand. It would have to do, if this was a threat.

The light cleared, and a regally dressed older man stood in front of them, a patch over one eye. Steve was beginning to get very suspicious of men with eye patches who appeared whenever they liked. He glanced at his team for their reactions, and was calmed – but confused – when Thor bowed his head immediately and dropped to one knee.

"Father." Thor glanced up, a smile on his face. "It pleases me to see you."

So, another Asgardian – and Thor's father, at that. At least he wasn't a threat. Thor always spoke highly of his father, in reverent tones. Steve nodded his head, not particularly inclined to kneel, but feeling he should make some acknowledgment. "Mr. Odinson, sir."

Odin smiled and made a sweeping gesture with one hand, as if welcoming the others – strange, considering he'd landed in the middle of their home. He dropped a hand on Thor's shoulder. "Thor, my son. You will be happy to learn that we have been able to harness the power of the tesseract to repair the Bi-Frost – indeed, better than it was before."

Thor smiled. "That is good news indeed."

Tony ran one hand through his hair, frowning at Odin a little. "No offense, but did you pop down this early in the morning just to tell us that?"

Odin's smile faded into a more serious look. "No, I fear I have more to bring you than glad tidings."

"Oh, boy," Bruce muttered to himself.

Thor rose to his feet. "Is there a problem within the Realms? Might I be of service?"

Odin inclined his head. "I do have need of your help, and that of your friends. I have business in the other Realms, and your mother and Freya must accompany me."

"What do you require us to do?" Thor asked, looking all too eager.

"Yeah, I'd like to know the same thing myself," Clint said, not nearly as enthusiastic.

"It is Loki," Odin answered. Clint and Tony cursed and Thor glared at them. Odin continued as if he hadn't noticed. "He continues to carry out his punishment, confined to the palace and stripped of his power until he is worthy of it once more. However, without his power, he is unable to defend himself against the Chitauri's master, who seeks his blood as payment for his failure to deliver the tesseract."

"Then we will protect him," Thor vowed. He was the only one who looked absolutely sure about that. Clint's expression suggested he would be happy to hand Loki over himself, but given the history, Steve understood.

"Um, not to be a downer," Tony said, "but doesn't that mean this 'master' is gonna come after us if we have Loki?"

"He is said to fear your planet, knowing those who call themselves the Avengers are Midgard's champions." Odin's tone was no doubt meant to be reassuring. Steve was still uncertain. Without his power, Loki would be less formidable, but this was not going to be a pleasure assignment.

"Um, group conference, guys?" Tony asked. Everyone but Thor moved into a huddle around him.

Thor looked at Odin, then to his team. "If the All-Father requires us, we should respond."

Odin motioned to the group. "I understand that business is conducted differently on Midgard. Loki has wronged you all."

"Oh, good, he understands." Bruce sighed. "Guys, this sounds like a really bad idea."

Thor was firm. "He is my brother. I will protect him, with or without you, my friends."

Steve had no doubt of that. He wanted to find some middle ground. "I don't like it, either, but without his power, he shouldn't be as bad. As long as we don't let him out of the tower..."

Clint rolled his eyes. "Guys, this is Loki we're talking about. Even without his power, he's still lies and mischief."

"I will take personal responsibility for him," Thor said. "He may be the Trickster, but I know him well."

Natasha bit her lower lip, then looked around at the others. "The point is, do we really have a choice? I mean, if we say no, then...what? He puts Loki somewhere else, probably on this planet from what he said, and we end up having to deal with Loki anyway."

"So what you're saying is, it might as well be on our terms?" Bruce asked.

Clint glowered, but he didn't say anything else.

"Then we will do this?" Thor asked.

There were resigned sighs all around. Steve finally nodded. "I guess so. How long does your father typically take when visiting other worlds?"

"Diplomatic visits usually require about a week of your time." Thor sounded pretty confident of that. "If the All-Father meant to take longer, he would have told us."

"All right," Tony allowed, "but Loki better not try anything funny. Do you have any idea how long it took to get the Loki-sized dent out of my floor?"

All eyes turned to Bruce, who smiled slyly and spread his hands in front of him. "I regret nothing."

Clint closed his eyes, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "This is going to be a long-ass week."

As always, thanks so much for all the reviews, favorites, and alerts! I apologize for taking so long to personally reply to reviews, but this week has been super busy. Hopefully I'll be quicker with the next chapter. I'm a school nurse and school is just about to let out, so it's a crazy time.

Next chapter: Loki arrives, sans powers but still a pain in the ass. Thor tries a little brotherly love. The others have a different tactic.