Evie's TARDIS Diary: Wedding Bells

It took me a couple of minutes to work out where I was the next morning when I woke up. Jack had made me up a bed in one of the conference rooms along from his office and I'd fallen straight to sleep as soon as my head had touched the pillow. The strange whirring and humming sounds, not to mention the occasional screeches from Myfanwy and the blinking, pulsing lights around the hub, had not bothered me in the slightest. If anything I found them oddly comforting. It reminded me of the times I'd stayed with Jack during my childhood.

"Morning, sleepy head!" Jack grinned, poking his head around the door. "We've got a slight problem."

At once I was awake. Sitting bolt upright I rolled out of bed, forgetting that I was only wearing one of Jack's shirts as a make-shift nightdress and looked at him seriously. "What's happened?"

"Gwen…" He started, raising his eyebrows looking pointedly at my outfit. "I really hope you're not going to come downstairs looking like that. Owen's down there and you know what he's like…"

I exhaled sharply and rolled my eyes. "Alright, Dad." I muttered sarcastically. "But more importantly… what's happened to Gwen?"

"I'll tell you downstairs." He said. I stepped forwards to follow him down to the lower level of the hub but he held up a hand to stop me. "WHEN you're dressed."

Growling with frustration I dressed hurriedly and headed downstairs. Ianto handed me a cup of tea and I dropped onto the sofa looking around of any hints as to what was wrong.

"No time for tea, missy." Owen said, taking the mug out of my hand and pulling me to my feet. "We need to get round to Gwen's flat. Now."

In the car on the way over Jack quickly explained that, after I'd gone to bed they'd had a call about a possible alien threat and he and Gwen had chased a shape shifter through the streets of Cardiff. Apparently the creature had bitten Gwen before Jack had shot and killed it.

"You took Gwen?" I asked, dumbfounded. "It was her hen night… I would have come with you instead."

"You're not a member of Torchwood." Jack said firmly. "There's far too much paperwork involved if a civilian dies."

I rolled my eyes and followed the men out of the SUV and up to the flat Gwen shared with Rhys. The Welsh woman was in a state of shock as she opened the door and let us in. I didn't blame her. Gwen was obviously incredibly pregnant.

"Gwen, you're pregnant." Owen said unnecessarily as he examined her stomach. "Almost full term."

"Pregnant?" She demanded, horrified. "That's not possible."

"How're you doing Gwen?" Jack asked, appearing in the doorway.

Gwen didn't answer his question. Instead she looked up at him, her eyes wide and terrified. "Jack will you tell me what's going on? Owen says I'm pregnant."

"Well, you think?" He asked, slightly amused. I punched him in the arm for being insensitive.

"Jesus Christ!" She swore. "What with?"

"Exobiological insemination." Owen confirmed, taking more reading's from Gwen's stomach. I furrowed my eyebrows, trying to work out why that phrase meant something to me?

"That alien last night…" Jack started seriously.

"Oh… get off." Gwen snapped, pushing Owen away, standing up and heading out of the room. "It bit me, Jack, that's all."

Owen pulled a face and I glared at him. "Eurgh… you are sick. And insensitive." I snapped, following Gwen from the room. I caught her up in the living room, but suddenly realised I had no idea what to say to her. She poured herself a glass of water, offering me one but I shook my head, perching on the arm of the sofa.

"Pass the eggs on in the bite." Jack said, finishing what he'd been about to say before Gwen interrupted him. "Some species do that. A kind of sneaky way of keeping the bloodline going. Boy, would Darwin have a field day if he'd made it to space."

"Not now, Jack." I hissed, shaking my head and wondering why men were so insensitive.

"Mmm… yeah… great!" Gwen snapped sarcastically.

"Listen…" Owen said, trying to keep her calm. "Gwen you are going to be fine I promise, OK? If there was any biological incompatibility you would be dead." I groaned. Seriously, didn't they know when to keep their mouths shut? "Now, according to this scan you're carrying a non-sentient blastopheric mass."

"A what?"

"It's a kind of alien egg… But don't worry, I am going to look after you, I promise. We've got procedures in place for this situation." Owen assured her. Maybe it's a female thing, but neither Gwen nor I felt at all reassured by this statement. Jack and Owen didn't seem to find that at all alarming, but the newly pregnant Gwen looked horrified. And I felt it.

"You mean this has happened before?" She demanded, eating a pickle.

"You've heard of immaculate conception, haven't you?" Jack asked. My mouth dropped open and I fell off the arm onto the sofa itself, gobsmacked. "Well…"

"Right…" Owen said, taking charge. "We take you back to the hub, you lie back, I'll run you through a biozenic microtron, a couple of days off your feet then you'll be right as rain."

"WOAH!" Gwen exclaimed, stepping towards him, her mouth full. "In a couple of days? In five hours I am walking down the aisle, Owen."

Suddenly I remembered the reason I was still here; Gwen and Rhys' wedding. Somehow I didn't think continuing with her original plans was a good idea. For starters how was she going to explain that she was nine months pregnant overnight?

"No you're not." Jack told her firmly.

"Gwen… I hate to say this but you're gonna have to postpone the wedding." Owen agreed with his boss. The woman shot me an outraged look. All I could do was stare blankly back. I was literally lost for words.

"No! No, way!" She argued. "Have you any idea how much a wedding costs?"

None of us had, but apparently Jack didn't care. "Listen, Gwen, you are not carrying the baby Jesus in there!" He snapped bluntly.

"I don't care! Alright? I can't put Rhys through this. He's had to put up with enough as it is, OK, so I am not postponing the wedding."

Gwen didn't seem to have spotted the obvious problem. Something that was quite literally staring us all in the face. I didn't have the heart to mention it, but I was sure that Jack was just about to.

"You are not thinking straight." Jack shouted.

When he shouted, Gwen screamed. "Do not bring my bloody hormones into this, Mr Jack Harkness!"

Jack was shocked. "OK… calm… down…"

Owen was smirking at the reaction Jack had just received and the look on his face. I sighed and rolled my eyes in exasperation. As much as I liked Owen he did drive me insane sometimes. This was really not the right moment for him to act like a prat.

"Owen has said that if this wasn't safe I would know about it by now, right?" Gwen asked, clarifying the situation in her head.

"As far as I know, yeah."

"OK… so I'm good until AFTER the wedding. Then I'll do whatever I have to do... once I'm Mrs Williams. Not before!"

"Umm… isn't there something that you've kind of forgotten?" I asked quietly, not wanting to butt in. I was well aware that I wasn't a part of their team, however welcome they always made me.

"What?" Gwen demanded, rounding on me. I gulped and pointed at her stomach.

"That… I'm guessing you didn't consider the fact that you'd be pregnant when you bought your dress?"

"Oh… god!" Gwen muttered, leaning her elbows on the kitchen counter and burying her head in her hands.

"Don't worry!" Jack said, grabbing me by the arm and heading towards the door. "You speak to Rhys and we'll sort your dress… I'm sure Evie and Tosh can find something between them!"

He pulled me through the flat door and down to the SUV. All the way back to the hub he and Owen talked in low voices, leaving me to stare out of the window at the grey Cardiff landscape rushing past and think about what had just happened.

"How is she?" Tosh asked as we entered the hub.

"She's going ahead with the wedding." Owen told her in a voice that clearly expressed that he thought his friend was completely mad.

"Which is fine…" Jack said. "As long as she doesn't go into labour at the altar. Rhys might forgive her going down the aisle pregnant, but not giving birth to a razor-toothed monster that eats half his family."

"Jack!" I complained, pulling a face at his insensitivity. He stared back at me, his face completely devoid of emotion.

"Could that happen?" Ianto asked worriedly.

"Well, look…" Owen said with a deep inhalation of breath. "The pregnancy's advanced and we're not familiar with the species."

"Which is why you, Owen, need to open up the guy with the teeth and make sure there's no surprises."

"I'm on it." The medic said, heading down to the medical bay where they creature was laid out on the operating table. I remembered being laid on that table when I was younger and had run straight into one of the glass-fronted cells down in the vaults. Owen had laughed himself silly when I eventually woke up. Apparently knocking myself out was the epitome of stupid.

"Tosh, Evie, you've got an early pass to the wedding. Keep an eye on Gwen." Jack said. Tosh and I glanced at each other and grinned. "Ianto… Gwen's gonna need a new wedding dress. Bigger."

"I though you said we could get the dress?" I asked, slightly hurt.

"D'you want to help Ianto choose?" Jack offered, raising an eyebrow. "Or would you rather go with Tosh?"

I thought for a moment, before turning and rushing up the steps to the room where I'd left my shopping bags. "In a bit!" I called over my shoulder.