All hell broke loose in the sky that night, a few hours after we returned from the grocery store. We did manage to put away the groceries, cook dinner, and eat spaghetti together at my small, none-too-impressive dining room table before it happened, but we didn't get much further.

Bella had volunteered to take the dishes, and, when I'd protested, she'd all but shoved me out of the kitchen.

It was only because I sensed that she needed space that I evacuated to the living room without putting up too much of a fight. Though I couldn't say I didn't enjoy sitting on the couch, listening to Bella clatter dishes around in the next room, knowing the woman I wanted was in my kitchen, just a few steps away from me. I reclined easily on the couch with that knowledge, thinking that we'd made several, nice steps in the right direction today, and listening to the rain as it battered itself against my windows.

I was just beginning to formulate my next plan of approach when lightning lit up the sky outside, a piercing roll of thunder shook my house, and the electricity winked out without a fight. Bella dropped a bowl into the sink in the next room, and I gave a little start as I had to adjust to instant darkness.

"Jake?"

I pushed off the couch. Figures this would happen just as I was getting comfortable. I felt my way across the room as my eyes adjusted, tentatively edging my right foot along to make sure I wouldn't trip over anything and break it.

"Yeah, I'm coming. Just stay where you are, okay?"

"Okay," Bella called back, and I thought I might have heard her voice waver a bit.

I'd found my way through my house plenty of times in the dark and half asleep before, so it wasn't a big deal getting back into the kitchen to Bella. She was still standing right in front of the sink, apparently having followed my orders exactly. My hands found her arms, and I cupped her elbows. I could feel her fingers brush against me.

"You all right?" I asked her.

"Yeah, I'm fine. It just caught me off guard. I don't think that that bowl broke."

"No big deal," I assured her.

I felt her fingernails scrape briefly against me as another bolt of lightning splintered across the sky outside, creating a quick flash of light that bounced through my kitchen window and momentarily dispersed the shadows. I could see Bella's face perfectly in that one instant. She was looking right at me, her eyes slightly wide and incredibly trusting, if not a little wary.

So, she trusted me in this sort of situation. That was a good start. She was beginning to rely on me again. I couldn't screw this up now, which meant I had to immediately stop thinking about how potentially romantic it could be to be alone in the dark with Bella for the rest of the night.

I really was my own worst enemy.

"I'm going to grab a candle," I told her.

"You don't have any flashlights?"

I smirked, even though I knew she wouldn't be able to see it. Her voice had cracked. Was she afraid to be alone with me in candlelight?

"No. I usually sleep through the storms." I laughed. "Just give me two seconds."

Reluctantly, I pulled away from Bella's clinging fingers. Even though it was just because of the storm, I was enjoying having Bella hanging on to me for once. Maybe with a little more time…

I shifted to the right, running my hand along the underside of my counter, counting the knobs of the drawers. I reached the third and pulled it open, listening as the contents rolled around. I tried to focus, but my eyesight wasn't all that impressive outside of my wolf form, so I made due by simply sticking my hand in the drawer and attempting to find the candle by feeling the shape of whatever I closed my fingers around. I found my Bik lighter before I closed my hand around the long, cylinder shape of one of my candles.

Lifting it, I put flame to wick, and viola: instant light, though it might have been puny and dim.

"There. All better."

I held out the flame between Bella and me. She looked down at it, and I watched the fire dance in the darkness of her eyes. Just for a second, I thought she looked sad. When was I going to be able to fix that?

"It's kind of nice, you know," she spoke softly. "It scared me at first, but I like the storm. Even the lack of electricity. It makes you feel cut off, but safe. Like no one can find me."

I lowered the candle a little. "Who are you worried will find you?"

I expected her to rebuff my attempt to pry like she had before, but she simply sagged a little, looking more tired than I had seen her in awhile. I wanted to hold her up, but it wasn't my place or the time yet. She needed to find herself on her own, or this would never work.

"Can we sit down?" she asked.

"Sure. Let's go to the living room."

I led us both back into my burnt orange room, leading with my candle held out before me. I ignored the fact that the paint still displeased me, and I set down on the couch, placing the candle on the end table next to me. Bella sat down on the other side of me, and I was surprised that she didn't huddle in the corner but allowed herself to be only a few inches away from me.

She kept her hands in her lap though, and her head tilted down. Her hair had fallen forward into her face, and I could only see the candlelight dancing against the strands of brown.

"The Volturi," she told me.

Had she really just given me a direct answer? I felt my spirits lift a little at the idea that we were finally making progress, but the triumph was short-lived, because we were, after all, talking about something that Bella was afraid of.

And I didn't want her to fear anything. Not with me here.

"The Volturi?" I repeated. "Who are the Volturi?"

"They're…"

I saw her hands clench in her lap before relaxing again.

"They're basically the rulers of all the vampires."

The big league—perfect. Just what I wanted to deal with, the head honchos of the vampire world. It was more than troubling that Bella seemed to have something to fear from what must have been the strongest of Edward's kind.

"Why are you afraid of them?" I pressed.

Bella looked up. She had the look of the haunted. I wanted to chase it out of her eyes. How long could I hold back before I caved into being her shoulder? Why did she have to take so damn long to heal herself when all I wanted to do was shelter her?

"I know their secret, Jake, and I'm a mortal," she explained. "That's basically illegal. It's a miracle I've gone this long without them forcing Edward to change me or killing me themselves."

"WHAT?" I growled.

Bella actually leaned away at my outburst. I hadn't meant to let it slip, but I hadn't been able to hold it in as my vision suddenly went solid red. They wanted to kill Bella? My Bella? As if that Cullen prick wasn't bad enough! Now, I was going to have to widen my scope to murder a whole legion of vampires. And I would. I would fight them all to the death before I let them change or kill her.

Fuck! I could feel the heat that threatened the coming of my wolf as my mind enveloped itself with my rage. I could even feel my tendons begin to strain against me. The white hot, liquid lava that burned up my spine.

"Jake! Calm down!"

I jolted as Bella's unbearably cool flesh closed around my hand, squeezing it in an attempt to draw me back. Only she would be able to bring me down from that. Only she would make me capable of blinking back the red. It was only the rewarding sight of her face swimming back into focus that could calm me down.

Not completely—no. Not after what she'd just told me.

"I won't let them do that to you, Bella," I swore, turning my hand over and lacing my fingers with hers without thought. "I'll kill them all before they can touch you."

I waited for her to recoil, for her to beg for mercy for her vampires, but she didn't. Instead… she smiled. It was a soft, sad smile, but it was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen bloom by candlelight.

"I believe you, Jake. I do, but it's not that easy. There are several of them, and they all have their own unique talents." Bella blew out a breath. "I-I don't really think they'll do anything. I'm just worried that they'll find out that I'm not with Edward. Then there might be trouble. They'll think I've abandoned the vampires and turned against them. It'll be a perfect, easy reason to justify killing me."

For the time being, my boundaries, my rules, and my game plan could all go to hell. I couldn't take it, sitting here on my own damn couch with Bella, watching her fear for her life even underneath that impressive poker face she was keeping up for my benefit. I lifted my arms, cradling her face between both of my hands. She looked surprised as I touched her, but not upset or frightened. For once, she didn't pull away or look like the thought had even crossed her mind. I might have celebrated this next small victory if I hadn't been too pissed to notice it in detail.

Why punish Bella? Why not murder that bastard Cullen for pulling Bella into his twisted, blood-sucking world? It was just like vampires to play this way, to take out the mortal before their own disgusting kind.

"Even if they find out, they can't touch you here. I'm here, and so is my pack," I told her. "I'd never let anything happen to you, Bells."

Thunder had been the periodical, musical accompaniment of our conversation, but another streak of lightning lit up the night just then, and I could see tears had welled up in Bella's eyes. I hadn't expected it, and I was perplexed by it, if not frightened.

I had no idea how to handle waterworks.

"No, you wouldn't, Jake," Bella agreed brokenly. "You never have, and I believe you never would. You've always been there for me, haven't you? And look how I've repaid you."

Oh shit. Now I could feel the tears trickling down my thumbs as they caressed her cheeks. I had never seen Bella cry, not even all those years ago when Edward had left her in the woods. She was always too strong for her own good, and now she was crying. On me.

I deserved the apology, but I didn't want it this way.

"Forget it."

Bella's hands lifted and circled my wrists. My skin hummed. She shook her head gently between my hands, the tears still streaming silently out. A small portion of my divided brain noted had gorgeous she looked crying in the flickering light of a candle. How sick was that? I could still find time to be grossly attracted to Bella even when she was suffering. Why couldn't I just be angry at the leeches and nothing else?

"I've been awful to you," Bella choked. "Pining for the love of a different man. The wrong one."

She might as well have punched me in the gut. Had she really just said what I thought she had? No way. No way she'd just even vaguely insinuated that she'd rather be with me than Edward. Could candle fumes make a girl loopy?

"What?" I exhaled stupidly.

She didn't answer. I thought, for a minute, that she was keeping silent to refrain from admitting that she'd made a mistake, that out of her own sadness she was flailing in the wind to try and find a different life raft. She regretted it, I knew. She'd said it out of desperation. She hadn't meant it. She was just hurting and afraid.

Then she leaned forward, and she kissed me.

Not a friendly peck, not a simple brush of lips, but a real, full on kiss. As her lips pressed against mine, I actually thought I was hallucinating—a perfect way to start the first kiss I had ever shared with Bella. It wasn't exactly sexy on my end to sit there unresponsive like someone that had just been knocked in the head with a sledgehammer. It wasn't exactly the best way to impress Bella with my kissing expertise.

And I wasn't even able to be the one to single-handedly redeem myself. It was Bella that provoked me into action. Her tongue traced the bottom lip of my closed mouth, and that was all it took to ignite the unlit fuse.

I reached for her. She reached for me. My hands clenched into the material of her shirt at her waist. Hers went into my hair. She pulled her legs onto the couch, tucking herself onto her knees and straining against me until I obediently dropped myself onto my back on the cushions, and then she was on top of me, and I was the one to lose it.

All my plans went up into a puff of smoke as our mouths worked with one another. The cool slide of her tongue undid me, and I discovered the deeper realms of Bella's beautiful mouth and never wanted to leave. I felt like a trespasser, but it only made things ridiculously hotter.

Speaking of hot, had I ever known what sexy was until I looked up to see Bella straddling me? Not that I got much of a look even, considering she only came up for a few seconds of air before her mouth worked mine again.

I thought my hand had found its way up her side on its own accord, but then I realized Bella's hand was covering it, urging it upwards until I finally got the picture. When I took the incentive and cupped her breast in my hand, Bella actually groaned against my lips.

Holy hell, I was going to explode.

"I want you," Bella breathed.

Her lips found my neck. I felt her suck and bite. I was arching upwards, rubbing against her. Her hand slid between us, heading south. It was about to the point where I thought I might phase just to rip my clothes off that much quicker that it struck me.

She'd said she wanted me. I needed her to need me.

As much as I wanted to, I couldn't just be her stress-relieving, mind-blowing sex partner. I didn't want to fuck her. I wanted to make love with her. That wasn't what she was looking for. Even in my lustful stage, I knew that. Though it became increasingly harder to stop myself as her hand found the bulge in my pants.

"Bella," I panted. "Stop."

She kissed me again instead, and I tasted her tongue. It was hard to be rational when she was rubbing against me.

"We can't do this, Bella. You have to stop," I said again, firmer this time.

It seemed to catch her attention, and, at least for a moment, her hand paused, still wrapped gently around me. She looked up, drawing away from my lips, obviously surprised, even through her thick haze of lust.

"What? Why?"

She had to go and sound hurt about it. I ached to refuse her. Physically ached from having to pull away from her.

"You're not ready, Bella."

It wasn't what she wanted to hear.

"Jake… Can't we just..? Just for tonight?"

I shook my head. "No. It's not right."

"But I… I thought you wanted me."

Oh shit, was she going to go and cry again? Please no. I could only withstand so much before I caved to anything Bella wanted. Even if she didn't need it. Aroused as I was myself, I was only that much weaker.

"You know I do." Her hand was still holding me. No way she didn't know. "But it's not the right time for you, and I can't do this to myself. Especially not like this."

Bella opened her mouth. It worked soundlessly for several seconds, and then closed. I wanted to pretend I didn't see the tears welling up again, but it was impossible to ignore something when the person you loved was in pain.

"Y-You're right," she choked, dropping her head pitifully onto my chest. "I'm sorry, Jake. I'm so sorry."

Her hand slid away, and she tensed to roll off of me. Surprising myself, I circled my arms around her and held her still, lifting one hand to caress the back of her head, running my fingers through her hair.

"Just lay here with me tonight, okay?" I asked.

She immediately went lax. "Yes. I'd like that."

As I held her in the dark, it felt like a near-victory, but I knew I had a lot more fighting to do before that. She might have been on the road to self-rediscovery, but she was going to need more time, and I was going to have to try and control myself better until then.

I didn't know how much longer it would work. I was beginning to suspect that it might not last long enough.
I needed Bella. Even if she didn't need me.

I'd almost taken what I'd needed tonight. Almost. So close.

But then I would have been the only loser left with nothing but meaningless actions when Bella decided to run back again. It was a horrible thought to fall asleep with: the idea that there was no guarantee that Bella would be there when I woke up.

~!~!~!~

But she was.

Bella was still lying on top of me when I woke up the next morning at sunrise, disturbed from sleep by a nightmare that had been riddled with painful solitude and loss. She seemed to have been the more fortunate one as dreams went, considering she was still asleep.

I knew I'd never feel anything more glorious than the weight of Bella's body sleeping peacefully on top of mine, so I didn't move when I woke up, and I didn't attempt to wake her. I'd savor the time I had like this for as long as I could, because, as I'd thought the night before, I couldn't know if or when Bella might suddenly disappear.

The sunrise was peaceful and slow. The blinds had been raised from the day before and never closed. As the sun broke over the treetops, it spilled directly into my living room, right over my wooden floors, the couch, and Bella and me.

And it lit the walls on fire.

I stared in disbelief at the sight of the paint lighting up like real, live flame, burning just as I had imagined it would. Not at sunset like I had expected, but at sunrise.

Bella shifted against me, sighing softly before her eyes fluttered open. The chocolate brown orbs focused on me slowly, and I fell in love all over again and the warm bath of the sunrise.

"Jake," she whispered my name sleepily, and I felt a flutter of hope inside my chest.

Maybe everything I had thought before was wrong. Maybe there was still hope for something between Bella and me. Maybe I'd given up too early. Maybe I'd thought about it from completely the wrong angle.

I stared at the love of my life in the rays of the sunrise, and I felt hope again, the promise of a new day.

And that was when it hit me: My burnt orange room was meant for sunrises, not sunsets. It didn't glow for the ends of days, for the completion of things. It burned for the new beginnings and the promises of hope.

Maybe I could take it as a sign that I would finally get my sunrise with Bella.

It was something to hope for.