a/n: Happy New Year, here's this chapter. The next one will be happier. Thank you for sticking through it!

Thank you to my Beta, RavenclawPianist. Thank you to everyone who reviews, favs and follows!

Meltdown Intercepted

"Shit."

"Please tell me you have a lofty bank account somewhere," Killian's voice is miles away and she can't really think about what he's saying and keep from screaming her head off at the same time.

"Shit. Shit, goddamn, fuck, are you kidding me?" she rushes to the mattress, thrusting a careless hand through the hole and digging around until she finds something. And it's a damn cruel world, because she finds something alright. She tugs out a bleeding fist gripping a brown paper bag only to rip it to shreds when she realizes it is empty.

What kind of satanic asshole does that? This isn't theft- it's spiteful betrayal.

"Stay here, let me check the other room and call the police."

"No," she levels her voice to keep from sounding hysterical. "Lily did this, and I don't want anything on record when her body washes up."

"Lily? The lass I met just yesterday?"

"She's not a lass, she's a fucking demon. She's been coming in and out of my life for years doing shit like this, but it was different before. She wasn't actually stealing from me." She's done everything else though, so why wouldn't she steal from her?

When they first met she lied about being an orphan to sound cool but actually had a family who loved her and trusted her. When they were fifteen, she found out where Emma was staying, broke into the garage and managed to lie, steal and get her kicked out all in the same half hour. When they were sixteen, Emma was doing her best to get by on her own when Lily shows up, offering her a place to stay because Lily felt 'responsible' Emma was sleeping on park benches. The place was raided the very next day and Emma was almost caught in some abandoned warehouse with enough stolen shit to get her trialed as an adult. Then of course, she was nineteen and still pretty wrecked from her experience in jail, giving up her child and just having the worst life ever, and Lily finds a way to break into her apartment while she was out and give Emma's super a reason to destroy her lease. It took her three months to find a new place and stop sleeping in her car again. She continues to forgive her, because she doesn't have anything or anyone left from her childhood. Maybe that's for the best.

"Emma, you're sure?"

"Yes," she's never been more sure. "I'm sure she heard you yesterday," she groans, kicking the overthrown mattress and setting off to pace the small quarters of her room.

"You're saying this is my fault, then?"

"No, what? Killian, it's her fault. If a robber holds up a bank, it's the robber's fault, he's the crook. Lily is the crook," Emma sets on a tangent as the gears of her mind turn. "I take down crooks. Is she stupid? Does she think I won't find her? She knows I find everyone."

"Love, your hand is bleeding quite a bit…" Killian tries to distract her, but her train of thought is moving a mile a minute.

"And why the hell did she have to wreck the place when she knew exactly where the money was? What the hell is her deal, she just comes in and takes to ripping cabinet doors off the hinges, smashing glass everywhere? Is she mad? I'll show her mad, I've been known to be angry before but with a baby in the mix, I'm bound to burn the witch alive."

"Please Swan, let me take a look at your hand," he steps into her stride, almost knocking into her as he tries to grab her wrist.

"No!" she snatches it out of his reach. "Listen here, I don't want you taking care of me." He pulls away from her like she burned him, actually flinches. She wants to elaborate, but she gets caught up watching the emotions flash across his face like slides of her fifth foster mother's trip to Florence. Only, there's no joy, no excitement or discovery of real pizza on his face. It's a cold, dark glimpse of dejection.

"You…you don't just mean your hand, do you?"

"No," she answers gently, because she isn't angry with him, she just needs to set the boundaries now before he starts conceptualizing monogrammed bath towels and clearing out even more space in his closet for her things. "I mean everything. I mean, and I say this because I want us to work, Killian, I mean we can't live together and you can't just take care of me."

He studies her for longer than she feels comfortable sitting under such intense scrutiny. His eyes lose focus from staring at her so long and so hard, and then he just shuts them, clenching his jaw and tensing up his shoulders. He emanates frustration, and she thinks for a moment he's angrier about this, than she is about what has just happened to her.

"I don't want to argue. I really don't want to fight anymore," she adds, like that ever helps them stop fighting. He still hasn't opened his eyes or relaxed a single muscle in his body. "Baby?" she attempts, because he's shown her his weakness and she's not above exploiting it for the sake of staying on the same side.

"How much money do you have to your name?" It comes out quickly, following a discouraged exhale.

"What?"

"You heard me, how much money do you have to your name, Emma?"

"Don't ask me about money, Killian."

"Then don't ask me not to take care of you," he replies without missing a beat. His eyes focus in on hers like he's battling in more than one way of communicating, like he can use some Jedi mind trick on her and get her to agree telepathically.

It works.

"I have the 3600 for the deposit I was going to give today on the new place. It's in money orders, but I could cash them back to myself. I have… probably 400 dollars in my bank account, another 200 emergency cash in the false-bottom trunk in the Bug. I have enough to survive."

"And where are you going to stay, Emma?" he continues to interrogate, and it takes a lot to remind herself he's only asking because he cares, not to make her feel small, but she really can't help but feel small.

"I'll figure it out," she shrugs, fighting the quiver of her bottom lip or the need to stand her ground, to push back and tell him she doesn't need anyone to worry about her.

The bittersweet reality of never having anyone to worry about you is never having anyone to disappoint. The wide-eyed look of disbelief in his thoughtful, deep blue eyes is smothering her with guilt.

"Please do not ask me to watch you struggle. Please," he pleads with such a fragile voice her heart breaks.

"I won't struggle," she whispers in reply. He scans her face looking for the lie. He thinks he knows how to tell when she's lying now, so she elaborates. "Mary Margaret and David have a guest room; I'll call her, I'll ask if I can stay there. I won't…I won't struggle." The real struggle would be swallowing her pride and asking for help. When things like this fall apart, when things get shitty, Emma gets to isolating herself, and she's standing here vowing to do the opposite.

It's embarrassing enough that he gets to see what a shit storm her life can be, she didn't really want to tell Mary Margaret and David about it, too.

"You should wash your hand. If you want, of course. It's your hand after all, your decision."

"Don't be like this."

"You more than likely scraped it on a spring, those could be rusted," he whispers with furrowed brows. "I'm gonna walk down to my truck, I need to make a couple phone calls."

"Phone calls? Now? To who?"

"If you don't want me to take care of you, if you'd rather stay with your friends, that's fine. I… I just feel so fucking helpless right now and I want to do something," he exhales something shaky and insecure. "I just want to give you the world, but if you don't want it, please just let me take care of this apartment, let me handle getting your things moved out and in a storage unit before the day's over. Please, let me do something of importance to aid you."

"You are important, Killian."

"And I don't really need you to be here to get that achieved," he continues, ignoring her and taking his most clumsy step back to date when she moves closer to touch him. He's acting like she just broke up with him, and she wonders why in the Hell there is no going back after some form of rejection in a relationship. Why can't people still be the same just because they say no to something? Why don't couples stay together after a turned-down proposal? Why does it always have to be all or nothing?

"It's my apartment?"

"True, for another three days, right? And you're god-awful at cleaning. I don't know what good it would be for the baby to have you around this mess thinking of all the ways to murder someone. I need a favor anyhow, maybe it will help with your constant need to not owe me anything."

"Why are you acting like this?"

"Can you please take my car and pick up Ellie? She misses the hell out of you anyway." If calling him a pet name is his weakness, bringing up Ellie is hers. "I can… I can drive your car to your friends' home. I'll bring you your clothes and whatever else you need there, switch cars and drive Ellie home."

"Killian, I want to stay with you tonight. I want you to be next to me."

"Oh," he nods like he could care less and god she's trying so hard not to argue, it aches in her damn teeth, but he's being so passive aggressive, and he never says what he means. "It's your choice of course. If you change your mind just let me know."

"I'm not going to change my mind. I want to be with you tonight, and after," she attempts a smile, but it just turns to tears. This whole thing is so overwhelming, and she's hungry as hell, the last thing she ate was a bear claw, and some stupid, delicious fake milk. She just wants to be okay with him, everything around her is literal ruin and he's giving her such a hard time, and she has a burning stinging sensation on the back of her hand, and she's probably had to pee since she walked inside so now she's crying.

"Emma?" he sighs and wraps his arms around her like these tears aren't partially his fault.

(More than partially if you blame the pregnancy hormones coming from the kid he put in her.) (And she will continue to blame the hormones until this kid is out of diapers.)

"Don't 'Emma' me. Why are you acting like this?"

"I just told you, I don't know what the hell to do," he confesses in a burst, and she can feel his heart beating violently against her jaw where it's settled in this contradicting embrace. His breath comes out in these quaking currents, heavy enough to pick up the strands of her hair. "I just want to take care of you."

"And I just want to be strong on my own."

"You're not weak just because someone loves you."

He still smells as wonderful as this morning, all spice and warmth, even in the summer the scent makes her feel like hot cocoa near the fire and she somehow doesn't register the words he's just said soon enough, too caught up with the smell of him.

And then it kicks in.

It was indirect as hell, but the flip of her stomach doesn't give a damn because the word is still there, from him to her.

She calms herself long enough to pull away slowly, nothing too telling of the panic within. It's probably noticeable when she clears her throat and starts complaining about the stinging of her cut hand.

"I should wash this. You'll come back up when you made your calls?"

He studies her again, with thinning eyes, and she wants to look away but then he'll know, and hate her for it. She's been trying to show him she feels the same in between arguments and disasters but he can't seem to latch onto the idea, and her just running away right now is only going to make it less believable for him.

"Yeah," he breaks, dipping his head and watching her feet.

"Okay."

-/-

Maybe he spends longer downstairs than he needs to. Maybe the first ten minutes are used bracing his forehead to the steering wheel and taking the deepest breaths he can muster to keep from screaming out.

She could have been inside.

And he knows he suffers from the same anxiety Ellie does and jumps to the worst possible scenario the minute his imaginative mind gets sight of something with the potential to devastate.

But she could have been inside. He could have been walking up to her door alone, he could have found her hurt, or…

And it's not that farfetched when he listens to how fearless and fiery she is about hunting this woman down. It's evident that if it were Lily, she wasn't alone. It looks like a gang of ruffians had their go at some abandoned apartment for fun, not the apartment of the pregnant woman he loves.

And the pregnancy doesn't sooth her sparking spirit. She's ready to ignite war at any moment. He knows if she were there, if they were that desperate to not wait until she were gone, she wouldn't have let them get away with it quietly. His stomach revolts at the thought.

And now the need to keep her close is this all-consuming urge like his very hands won't stop shaking unless she's holding them. He knows he can't go on like this, he can't just lock the people he loves away to keep them safe, especially Emma Swan. She can't be contained by any cage, and she's all the more flawless when she's free anyhow.

But the embellished crime scene, complete with police tape and body bags, just won't leave his mind's eye.

In hindsight, that's probably why he told her he loved her, more or less. He told her she's loved, and he was the one who said it. Like an idiot, he said it. And like Emma, she panicked.

So he spends extra time in his car.

-/-

An hour passes and the troupes have been rallied but Emma has yet to leave.

Ruby brought all the cleaning supplies she could find, because Emma and Lily were never home to make messes apparently, why would they have the things needed to clean them up?

Robin brings the moving truck and Smee brings the pizza, along with the keys to the storage unit he reserved just a block or two from Killian's apartment. John and Jefferson from mechanics and Peter, the misguided intern, show up as well to help get the move rolling. He wants to ask who is actually running the business, but he took a week off himself to spend extra time with Emma and Ellie before this Royal Navy contract takes away another 40% of his time.

Ruby has been helping Emma sort through the clothes she needs to take to her friends' house and the rest that can go in storage until she finds a permanent place to stay. He hasn't exactly made a habit of avoiding Emma, but since his walk to the car, he's tried to keep all conversation to the bare minimum.

Only now it's been just another hour added to the time since she last ate and she was complaining from hunger from the last time marker, and the one before that. He wants her out of here. He wants her to relax, spend some time with Ellie and not be in the midst of this chaotic reminder that bad things happen to good people and everything she wanted she can no longer give herself.

(He could give it to her, but she's entirely against him doing much of anything for her.)

"Love?" he taps on the doorframe to her bedroom after gathering the courage to face her again. "Perhaps you should be off?"

"Yeah?" she looks around her room, but not to his face. The clothing that she had sprawled out when he last checked on her have been neatly rolled and folded up to fit in her two suitcases. "Thanks Ruby, you helped me too much, and I feel guilty I can't return the favor."

Ruby's eyes flickered across Emma's face before sobering and focusing on the suitcases they've packed. "It really wasn't anything to consider a favor. If you want to get even, you could give Ellie Bean a few quick kisses for me."

"Sure."

Ruby lifts from her knees to leave the two of them alone, dusting off her jeans and striding past Killian. He stops her with an outstretched arm, handing her fifty dollars and motions to his own grumbling gut. She smiles and nods before moving out of the room all the quicker.

"I'll walk you to my truck."

"Killian, I can't just leave. I have so much to do," she lifts herself from the floor with a bit less ease than Ruby did, and he doesn't miss the teeter in her stance.

"Let me do it all. I have a crew of people ready to work, I don't need you here, too."

"It's my apartment, all these people are here and I have no idea how to thank them. I'm just supposed to abuse your employees?"

"They're not here as employees, they're here as friends. Family even if you count Ruby and Robin."

"Speaking of Ruby and Robin, and family, I've caught them both staring at my stomach, Killian. We can't keep it a secret for much longer."

"I know, I intend on mentioning it after you're off to retrieve Ellie and get some form of nourishment in your body. Right now, this is my priority."

"I don't want to tell anyone if we haven't told Ellie. I don't want her to find out from Roland because Robin rightfully assumes we're honest with her when we haven't been."

It's not that he doesn't want to tell Ellie. He just doesn't have the same expectations as Emma. She thinks Ellie will be her usual warm and bubbly self, but he knows there is going to be a bit of fallout. It's just been the two of them this whole time, and somehow Emma has only enhanced that for Ellie, but he knows there's a difference in having a very beautiful female to admire and having a very tiny baby to come in and change their whole dynamic.

Ellie is his priority, he lives for her, and he will never let anything change that. He will never lessen the amount of love and attention he gives to her, but there's a chance she won't see it that way, and the idea of her voicing that is what scares him most. If there's one thing that can bring him to a break, it's breaking Ellie's heart.

"I thought we discussed telling her when we knew the sex of the baby."

"I thought I wouldn't show as soon as I am. Yet here I am, popping seams."

"You're not popping seams, Emma. You're beautiful and just barely starting to show."

"I want her to know," he swallows the bitter taste of fear and manages a soft nod, bowing his head to agree, even if his heart tells him not to.

"Okay. We'll tell her next time the three of us get a quiet moment together. Tonight, if I'm not home too late."

"Speaking of home…my second home has been the office August and I have been renting. Now that he's leaving and I'm in no condition to bust perps, I let the lease go. We need to be out by Friday. I really don't want to ask you for anymore, but if you already have the truck and storage ca—"

"Of course. Are the keys on the ring with your car and apartment?" She nods, pulling her keys from her pocket and handing them to him.

"The one with mint nail polish painted on it," her voice is soft, and her eyes glossy again. The rage from before has died down, and she's just left with the hurt from being betrayed yet again in her life. He says a silent prayer she still finds the will to trust people.

"We'll take care of that when we're done here."

"Thank you, Baby," she whimpers, quickly burying her face in his chest, her arms clinging to his waist like he's the last sturdy place in the eye of a storm. A few tears moisten his shirt and he knows he should feel guilty taking any sort of joy in her predicament, but it's brought her to his arms and she's actually asking that he do something for her, he doesn't have to beg and fight to get the chance to take care of her.

"For you, anything."

-/-

She gets to Ellie's school in record time. Thankfully so, she's starving and can already taste Granny's grilled cheese and onion rings. It's naptime still, and Emma can feel her heart turning to warm, mushy matter when she catches sight of Ellie sleeping on her cot, her Rapunzel blanket barely covering her body, and her frog shaped pillow beneath her sweet, sweaty little cheek.

"Emma, it's great to see you," Miss Nova whispers as she sits at a spare table toward the back of the classroom. It takes only a second for her to grab Ellie's daily sheet and whatever artwork they're sending home that day.

She's picked Ellie up enough to know that they take sheets home Fridays, get daily sheets well, daily. She made the conscious decision to keep Ellie home with her the next two days the minute she crouched beside the sleeping angel and felt reality right itself back to how it should be.

No amount of money is worth missing out on the precious way Ellie's eyes flutter open, with her arms straining to stretch and a deep yawn coming from such a tiny body.

"Emma," Ellie sighs sweetly, gazing up at her affectionately through sleepy eyes. "Missed you," she grumbles out, smacking her tongue around her dry mouth.

"I missed you more, Bug." And the term flies from her mouth without thinking about it, and maybe it's just a reflex from constantly hearing Killian refer to her as Love Bug, or maybe it's her subconscious telling her that everyone else has a nickname for Ellie, and she needs one too. Ellie doesn't seem to affected by it, yawning again and rolling over to scratch at her own back. "Do you have to go potty?"

"Yep," she answers in this scratchy, sleepy little voice and it's only at the fear of making her pee her pants, Emma refrains from attacking her with all the love bubbling in her chest.

"Okay, go pee. I'm gonna roll up your bedding," Ellie nods, getting up slowly from her cot. She stops to give Emma a hug and kiss anyhow, because that's just how Ellie wakes up on her best days.

Miss Nova questions her when Emma's presses the bedding into Ellie's Jake and the Neverland Pirates themed backpack. "Is Ellie going to be out the next two days?"

"Yeah, Killian took time off this week and I think we're gonna try to get some QT in with her the next few days. There wasn't anything huge going on was there?"

"No, not at all," Miss Nova smiles, handing her the papers. According to the daily sheet, Ellie had only eaten some of the lunch Killian packed her, and has been asleep since 12. It's a quarter to two, so Emma can't imagine she'll turn up the least bit grumpy over fifteen minutes. "Oh, I do have to remind the parents that we're having our pre-k graduation August 7th."

Emma tries to ignore the furious flutter in her chest at the 'parents' term. She shouldn't think anything of it. She's more than likely just the messenger being relayed a message to tell Killian.

"Thank you." She beams at the teacher as Ellie comes trudging out of the bathroom with her dress tucked into the back of her undies, completely unaware as she moves to wash her hands at the tiny, lowered sink.

Emma moves on autopilot to untuck the fabric and smooth it down. And she doesn't stop there, completely maternal and solely focused on the brightest light in her world at the moment. She's resetting Ellie's ponytail and pulling paper towel from the dispenser to help her dry her hands.

"You ready, kid?"

"Mmhm. I'm hungry," Ellie turns to face Emma, pressing her palms to the protruding belly and squinting her eyes a bit but not making a show. She just reaches higher, motioning to be picked up.

She knows what Whale said, what Killian's been saying, but it's Ellie, and she's had such an awful day, how can she not lift her ball of light into her arms and hold on tight until the darkness of the day fades away.

She bends with her knees.

"Now you're speaking my language, let's go get Granny's."

-/-

"So..." Ruby begins, taking a break from packing Emma's kitchen cabinets. There's really not much in there and it's taken her about forty-five minutes to pretend to pack the mugs, but he's not complaining over free labor. "Are we all going to ignore the baby bump?"

"Subtle," Jefferson winks at Ruby before directing his eyes toward Killian. He feels his cheeks flush and he knows Emma said she didn't want to tell anyone, but she's not here to come up with a lie, and in this partnership she's definitely the better storyteller.

"We wanted to tell Ellie first," he explains, keeping his focus on the repairing the hinges of the front door.

"She's easily three months, mate. You haven't told Eloise?" Robin frowns like he's disappointed, but Killian doesn't need the disappointment, he needs the understanding and support.

"We're thirteen weeks."

"Men always say 'we,'" Ruby huffs, earning a chuckle from Smee.

"Fine. She's thirteen weeks, we actually had our appointment this morning. Now you know, and you don't speak a damn word to anyone outside of this apartment until I say so, saavy?"

"Aye." John, Jefferson, Peter and Smee agree. Ruby stares at him like she's not afraid and Robin watches him with regard.

"Is that why you made her leave?" Ruby continues to speak on a subject he's pretty sure he just shut the door on. "Because she could have done the light-lifting. She probably already feels like she has no control over the things in her life…unless you planned to get pregnant a month into dating?"

"No we didn't…what did you say about control?"

"Having your body decide it's going to change your whole life overnight sorta makes a girl feel powerless, I'd imagine. Then there's this break-in. She probably feels violated, helpless and a complete lack of control over the direction her life's going in." Ruby educates him on the same thing Emma's been trying to explain for weeks. He never took the time to hear it because he just wants her to be happy about things, but he can't force happiness where there's turmoil. "Oh, and here's another thought, Boss-man. I heard through the grapevine the moms at Ellie's ballet class are assholes to Emma. The world you're pushing her into? Not so rosy."

He can always count on Ruby to keep him up to date on the daily female struggle. He's been schooled a number of times on potentially sexist behavior or politically incorrect terms. She keeps him current on how to be a good role model for Ellie.

"I'll talk to her when I get home tonight," he promises, satisfying Ruby enough to shut her up.

-/-

She manages to make a phone call after Granny's, when they get back to the apartment and Ellie is taking her shower like a big girl and Emma has a second to herself. She calls Mary Margaret and mutters through the details of the day, finishing with the request to stay at their place a few nights a week to not impose too much on her relationship with Killian.

Of course Mary Margaret can't understand why on Earth Emma can't commit. In Emma's mind and heart, she's committed. It's that commitment she's trying to protect, so she just answers with something softly expressed. 'I don't want to put added strain on us.'

It's enough to get her friend off the phone just in time for Ellie to come out of the shower with her wet hair dripping on the hardwood as she brings the wet towel to Emma with a brush in her other hand. It's wordless now, the requests she makes to have Emma braid her hair or pick her up. They're at that level of comfort where Ellie just assumes she will be more than willing.

It's really not off-putting at all. If anything, it's comforting. She plans on being in Ellie's life until her last breath, so to be at this point now, she has no doubts Ellie thinks the same way.

"Emma?" Ellie begins, with a long pause as her tiny hand continues to gather the material of Emma's dress in her fist and release it. She's just like Killian in the sense that they have to be touching her at all moments.

"Yeah, Bug?"

"How come you stay away from home for some days? Why are you not always at my house?"

"Well, I have my own house, you know that."

"But why? Why you can't just only have one house, my house?"

"Did your Uncle set you up to ask me this?"

"No," Ellie answers with a tone like she's in a mood now. A bit more persnickety than she should be, since everything has been going her way since Emma picked her up.

"What's the problem?"

"I miss you so much when you're not here," Ellie explains with a huff. "We both miss your pretty face."

"And I miss you too," Emma replies as honestly as she can without taking away the fact that she is only five and this conversation is really between Killian and herself, not Ellie. "But… doesn't it feel good when you miss someone and you finally see them? It's sometimes a good thing to miss someone."

"No it's not," Ellie disagrees softly. "Sometimes you never see them again, Emma and then you miss them 'til it starts to make you really sad." No matter how bright and cheerful Ellie can be, she's still a kid who lost so much and it creeps through the cracks in her porcelain the same way Emma's pain creeps through the chinks in her iron. She never wants Ellie to be turned to iron, she loves her just the way she is, porcelain and fragile, but so precious and pure.

"But you always see me again."

"I know. I just wanna see you always." Somehow, Emma has managed to finish the braid while Ellie scolded her for being so far away. Now she can pull Ellie to the side and look at her eye-to-eye.

"Maybe someday soon. Right now, it's just better to only see each other most of the time. I promise."

"Fine," Ellie folds, with a pout and a grumble.

And she thinks that's the end of it truly, she thinks that the 21 questions they're playing tonight end with Ellie being less than happy about Emma's final answer on moving in. She's still not convinced Killian didn't indirectly influence that, but she knows Ellie thinks up her own thoughts. She is her own person, as little of a person as she may be.

So when she is laying down beside Ellie for a story a few hours later, Ellie stopping her in the middle to ask her about the baby bump throws her off kilter for a moment.

"Your belly is getting bigger, how come?"

"Why do you think?" Emma redirects, curious to know if Ellie is onto them or not.

"Lots of ice cream?" she suggests, and it's cute and slightly insulting at the same time. Emma shakes her head, happy to deliver a little better news than the bit she had to earlier.

"There's a baby growing in there," Emma beams brightly for the first time about this pregnancy, like the guilt from giving Henry away is finally falling from her shoulders.

"A baby?" Ellie asks with something Emma mistakes as awe, but seconds after Emma nods, Ellie's eyes squint at her with a cold scrutiny and she considers Emma quietly for a minute or so. Her face scrunches up just before the words slip out. "Why? Who is the baby's mommy gonna be?"

"Me?" Emma swallows down the fear that this is going to go terribly wrong. She keeps her hopes up that Ellie will just burst with sunshine and rainbows any second because that's what she's been gunning for.

But second by second, she starts to regret not waiting for Killian, because if Ellie bursts with something awful, Emma can't handle that alone.

"Wait," Ellie jerks her head back in shock. "You wanna be a mommy?"

And if it were a few weeks ago, she'd probably say 'Heck no' and keep it pushing. But Ellie is the main reason she wants to be a mother now. That week she found out, she felt so far out of her element, but as the weeks past, she finds the two of them have come into something pretty well designed. She wants to keep it going for as close to 'forever' as she can get.

"Yeah," Emma exhales, on the hope it helps, not hurts the situation.

It hurts.

"I can go night-night alone." Ellie assures her, tears well up as her brilliant baby blues turn a deeper sapphire and she regards Emma with what appears to be disgust. "You can go tell your baby a story."

"Ellie?"

"G'night," Ellie dismisses, tossing her body restlessly to face away from Emma.

She hates herself for thinking this would be a happy moment. How stupid could she be to think Ellie would be happy when a little over a week ago she heard Ellie telling Roland that the three of them were happy the way things were?

Because the three of them were misfits that didn't fit a basic family design, but now Killian and Emma are biologically parents and she just made Ellie feel what Emma's been harboring her whole life.

She was adopted once, and although it's not something she can remember, she can remember learning that she was also surrendered three years later when the Swans had their own kid. She lived with the concept that people will want her, but only for so long, and it's never quite left her.

And where she thought opening her heart to Ellie was the safest it would ever be, she finds that all she did was subject herself to a heartbreak she's not sure she can withstand the thought of, let alone the actually suffering it comes with.

"I know you're mad at me, but I love you so much, Ellie," she sniffles after rising from the bed to leave. She's choking back the urge to break in earshot, but it's swelling in her throat like she's having an allergic reaction to constant heartache. "Goodnight."

-/-

His muscles ache and his mind is twice as exhausted when he trudges through the apartment door at 10:30pm. It's barely late enough for Emma to be asleep, but Ellie should be out cold. He takes a few steps through the entryway after securing the lock on the front door. He tosses her keys in the designated place, right beside where she tossed his and they look great together. It makes it look more homey, just the sight of them mingling in his catch-all.

He hears footsteps padding across the hardwood, and before he can turn to greet them, he's got her arms around him.

"Swan?" he turns to get a better hold of her as she's burying her face into his chest and sniffling. He knows it's been a rough day and he should have been there for her instead of sending her away. He had hoped she'd be snuggled up next to Ellie and feeling better. "It's alright, Love. It's okay."

"It's really not," she huffs against his chest, wrapping her arms tighter around his waist. "I fucked up."

"No, you didn't. Lily's the crook, remember?" he glides his hand over back of her head, gliding his fingers through her hair to the ends, but her head starts to shake halfway through the second run.

"Not Lily, Ellie. I fucked up with Ellie, Killian," she tugs away far enough for him to see her red-rimmed eyes and the broken heart behind them. "I told her about the baby."

He knows sometimes it's a pain to be right. Sometimes your suspicions are correct and there's nothing rewarding about it.

"She's upset?"

"She hates me," Emma sobs, the dam breaks in an instant and she's bawling in his arms again, mumbling words he doesn't care to understand at the moment. He just wants things to be okay again. He wants the life he thinks they all deserve, he wants a happy Swan and a loving Ellie and a home to come home to that doesn't have tears lining the doorway and arguments in the kitchen. He wants a fucking break.

"Is she asleep?"

"I really don't know," her words broken between gasps. "She kicked me out."

"How long ago was that?"

"A little after nine," she holds herself when he moves away from her to check on Ellie. She holds herself and watches him like he hates her, too. He doesn't know what to say to make it all go away, he doesn't know about this. He didn't read any books about this.

Does he wish she waited? Yes; but is he going to tell her that? Hell no. He wants to tell her to stop crying, to take a bubble bath or eat some ice cream, or just fucking smile because this hellish day is taking its toll on everyone and he misses the sunshine.

But he stays silent.

Ellie's in a fitful sleep with tantrum tremors that rattle her breath every seven seconds or so. He doesn't want to risk waking her so he shuts her door slowly without so much as a kiss to her temple.

Emma's still holding herself and watching him fearfully like he's going to shout or something. He doesn't want to risk breaking her, so he just moves to his bedroom hoping she follows suit.

"I'm sorry," she whimpers from the doorway but all he can do is nod in reply. This night is wrecked, it's a cursed day, no conversation is going to change that now. He kicks off his shoes and takes off his shirt while she watches him for instruction or something.

It's when he undoes the buckle of his jeans that she speaks again and he has to stop himself from losing it. "I'll go" she says. "I'll just…I'll go."

He wants to ask 'go where?' or 'What the fuck do you mean, go?' He wants to ask her if she thinks that's conducive? Is she's going to do this leaving thing every time she and Ellie don't agree, because she's five right now, but one day she'll be fifteen and she might come back with something spiteful like 'you're not my mom' and is Emma just going to throw her hands up and say 'you're right, I'll leave'?

"Tomorrow will be a new day," he quotes his brother like he did the night they died, when Anna was sobbing and Kris was silent and no one knew how to gather themselves up from the floor. "You wait for sunlight to sail on after a storm," he continues and maybe it means nothing coming out of his own mouth, but if he closes his eyes and thinks of every time the world ended in his life, he can hear Liam, feel his hand on his shoulder, and know things will be alright.

"What if she still hates me tomorrow?"

"I can guarantee she doesn't even hate you today. This is Ellie we're talking about. She doesn't have the capacity to hate anyone, you of all people. What did she even say?"

"She said she could go to bed alone," Emma exhales, her voice trembling like it's too much to even talk about. "She said I could go read a story to my baby."

His eyes moisten without warning, and he tries to encompass his brother's voice again. He tries his hardest to hear Liam and know that it's okay. That tomorrow will in fact be a brand new day, and if he just keeps reminding himself of that, maybe he can get through to see it, to fix things and they can just be happy for twenty-four fucking hours in a row.

"We'll talk to her tomorrow. It'll be different, tomorrow."

-/-

The sun blares through his windows like it's moving in and he should clear some closet space. It has to be at least nine with how bright the room is. He turns to find the bed cold on Emma's side, and he swears if she left in the middle of the night, he doesn't know what he'll say to her.

"Am I going to school today?" He didn't see Ellie standing at the foot of the bed, probably the reason he woke in the first place.

"I thought you could stay home with me?" he offers, but she doesn't seem pleased. She just bows her head and nods, moving to the other side of the bed and climbing in. "Did you sleep well?"

"No," she answers dryly.

"Do you want to talk about why not?"

"What's Emma's baby gonna call you?"

"Is Emma here?" he doesn't mean to ignore her question, but he just woke up and Ellie's in a very straight-no-chaser kind of mood. He can't stomach it like this.

"She's making me French toast, she says she's bad at pancakes but she is better at French toast," Ellie tugs her knees to her chest, laying her cheek to one with a shuddering breath.

"Do you think she's bad at pancakes?"

"Yeah, kinda but I love her so I eat them anyways," she tugs at her tight pajama pants and sighs once more." What's the baby gonna call you?"

"Probably daddy. It's my baby, too," he confesses, complete unprepared for how quickly her eyes develop tears.

"No," she whispers. "What about me?" she creaks like an old door, neglected and forgotten.

"Well, you'll still be Ellie. Unless you want a new nickname from the baby." It's a stupid, stupid route to take, but she usually reacts well to pointless oblivious behavior with a laugh.

"No, Uncle Kilo, what about me? What do I call you and Emma? I don't get a mommy and daddy but the baby does?"

"Look at me," he levels, rising from his position and tugging her into his lap. She doesn't fight, her wide eyes watching his like her whole world lives in them. "You said it yourself, my love, I've been both, right? Don't I take care of you?"

"Yeah," she answers under her breath.

"Don't I love you with everything I have?"

"Yeahhh, but…"

"Don't you love me back?"

"Yes, Uncle Kilo!" she shouts, her bones bouncing in her skin. "But…but I…"

"And Emma?"

"Yeah, and Emma!" she cries. "I want Emma to stay with us."

"She isn't going to leave us because of a baby. She loves you, you know she loves you, don't you?"

"But I can't be her favorite no more, and she won't just stay here. I don't want her to have her own house and her own baby. I want to be her baby," Ellie confesses in a mess of whiny sobs that have her face glistening in tears.

"What's wrong?" Emma comes rushing through the door in a panic. "What's wrong?"

But Killian can't take his eyes away from Ellie's. They watch each other with this new discovery in the air and where he thought he was hurting her because the promise of her being all he needs seemed to lessen in strength, her promise claiming the same has fallen away. She needs Emma now too, and that's what's hurting his little girl. It has nothing to do with him at all.

"Ellie, are you okay?" Emma continues because she's not getting any answers, and they still don't come. Ellie keeps watching Killian like he's going to spill a secret she shouldn't be keeping anyway. "Is anyone going to answer me?"

"Ellie wants to talk to you," he states as calmly as he can. "Give her a second to count to ten. And she'll talk to you, right Love bug?" Ellie glares at him but agrees with a nod of her head. He slides her from his lap, brushing her clammy hair back and pressing a kiss to her forehead.

When he leaves them alone, he assures them he'll finish the French toast. He's tempted to listen by the door, but they really should do this alone.

-/-

Emma wasn't sure what she was in for, but Ellie looked awful, and all she wanted to do was take care of her and make it better. She's just not so sure she'll let Emma do anything for her.

"What's wrong, kid? What do you want to talk about?"

"Why do you want to be a mommy to the baby and not me? I don't have a mommy and you could be my mommy if you want to be a mommy so bad. You didn't have to make a baby."

"You want me…" she thinks she lives in a state of overwhelming conditions. She can't find a way to ever get her heart beat lower anymore. She has to take moments to breathe, not seconds but like five minute intervals and she knows Ellie doesn't have the patience for it, but she'll faint if she doesn't take a second to think.

"If you were just my Emma, I would not be so sad, but you are someone's mommy now. And…"

"You want me to be your mommy too?"

"Yeah," Ellie whines. "I love you so so much and everybody says you're so pretty, and we both have blonde hair. People think you are my mommy like they think Uncle Kilo is my daddy."

"And that's what you want?"

"I want you to stay with me and not leave. I don't want the baby to be your favorite. I wanna be your favorite."

"Ellie, I'm not going to leave you," Emma reminds her for the hundredth time. She loves her and the last 10 hours she thought Ellie hated her were some of her most broken since jail. The idea of not having her in her life is crippling enough. She's not going to go anywhere. "The baby isn't going to take away how much I love you."

"But you will love the baby more 'cause you are it's mommy?"

"What does that word even mean to you, Ellie?" Emma asks with more strength than fear now, now that Ellie will look at her and talk to her instead of hiding. "What does a mommy do that I won't do for you? I love you more than anything and I've barely even known you that long. We are each other's favorites, remember? I will love you with just as much love as I do this baby. You know, I never wanted to even be a mommy until I met you."

"Really?"

"Really. I didn't know how to act like a mommy, I didn't know what it meant to be one, but you make me want to act like all the mom's I've ever met do, only better. You make me want to be the best I can be to you."

"And the baby?" Ellie slides her hands down to Emma's stomach, staring at it with less distrust than before.

"Yeah, the baby too."

"Breakfast is ready," his voice is easy from the doorway, and his smile startles her when she looks his way. Was he watching? Did he hear? Does he know?

"Kay," Emma answers with suspicion on her tongue, but proceeds to lift herself and Ellie off the bed, he steps in before she makes it a foot toward the kitchen and pulls Ellie from her arms to his. She wants to roll her eyes, but she kisses his cheek instead. She's just relieved tomorrow came and the world didn't end last night. He was right about that, and he's right about this.

-/-

Ellie sits on Killian's lap all through breakfast as they eat at the dining room table. She asks a million and one questions about the baby starting with whether it's a boy or a girl.

"We find out next month. You want to come to the appointment?" Killian asks, feeding her a bite from his plate like they aren't eating the same thing.

"Yeah, I think I should be there," she nods so sure of her importance as she chews and it's so soothing to see her back to her old self again. "What's its name?" she continues with a big swallow.

"We don't know what we're having yet, we can't just name it," Emma reminds her.

"Okay, do you think it's gonna be a boy or a girl?" Because Ellie has far too many questions to be held up on any one answer.

"What would you prefer?"

"Uhm… I don't care, as long as they are nice to me and like ice cream and ships."

"You'll teach them how to be nice," Killian beams at Ellie and she smiles just as brightly back. It's finally a new day and it's so much brighter than the last few. It feels like summer has finally hit Boston and the sun is shining for the first time in weeks.

"Will the baby sleep in my room?"

"We'll probably get a bigger place, lovey," Killian doesn't look at Emma for that answer, it's still undecided and they have so much to talk about when it comes to housing.

"Will she have blonde hair like me and Emma?"

"We don't know if she's a girl," Emma isn't necessarily hoping for either, but she doesn't want Ellie to get her hopes up for a girl.

"Or what color her hair will be," Killian adds.

"I think she's a girl."

"Why's that?" Killian challenges, and Emma knows that's why Ellie's as articulate as she is now. Whenever they have discussions, he makes her talk as much as possible, really voice all her opinions and support her ideas. She'll be a tiny diplomat by 10 at the rate she's going.

"I dunno. Just do."

"What would you name her then?" Emma joins in the questioning.

"I like Nala or Jasmine if it's a girl but if it's a boy, can we name him Jake?"

"No," Killian grins like an idiot; the same grin Ellie hates to love because it means she's not getting her way, but she can't help but be happy about it because every smile Killian Jones has is a stellar experience and a girl can't help but smile back.

"Fine," Ellie rolls her eyes and takes a turn to feed him a bite of her French toast. "Do I get to be a big sister or something else?" Killian's eyes flash to Emma's as hers meet his and they agree on it telepathically. They open their mouths to speak in unison.

"Sister."