A/N:

First...a HUGE THANK YOU to Cattinson for taking on beta'ing this story for me! She rocks!

OK, so we're heading back to BPOV for a chap. I will tell you, she fought with me like CraZy in this chapter...seriously, I lost sleep. This was a tough one to write, and I am not even 100% sure WHY, it just was!

So, without further ado...

Chapter 10 – Break Down or Break Through?

BPOV

I listen with rapt attention to the most sincere apology he's ever given me. I feel like he ripped his chest wide open, exposing me to the deepest depths of his heart. No, I know he just did. More than anything else at this very moment, I want to forgive him, push it all aside and pretend none of it ever happened. Obviously, that's not realistic. The logical side of my brain is saying that I need more time to process everything, while my heart pulls out a chisel and knocks down another row of bricks from the wall I have carefully constructed. It would be so easy to just fall right back into his arms, but I am terrified that if, or when, we go back home, things will go right back to how they were. I need to be certain. If I don't think this through–if we fail–it will literally crush me.

He pulls me firmly against his chest, effectively causing another row to crumble. I fist my hands into his shirt and breathe in his glorious scent. If only I could stay right here forever. "I accept your apology, Edward. We just need to take this one-step at a time. I have to learn to trust you again," I say, attempting to control the wavering of my voice.

"I'll do whatever you need," he responds softly, before gently kissing my head and releasing me. He pulls the car back out onto the road and we continue to Port Angeles.

As the scenery swirls by in flashes of greens and browns, I replay the events of the past twelve hours. So much has happened that it's hard to believe it's still the same day. When he showed up–pounding on Charlie's door–this morning I wasn't sure I was ready to see him; let alone speak to him. However, after laying my eyes on him–he was a hot mess. I couldn't help but soften slightly and resign myself to at least hear him out.

I've never seen a man more broken or vulnerable, then when he was on his knees begging and sobbing against me. It took every ounce of restraint I could muster, not to cave. Every. Single. Ounce. I had to dig down deep and pull up the hurt and anger he had caused me, to help him understand that it wasn't just that easy. Then…my God…he asked me to marry him. The part of me that has been waiting for that question for almost five years, wanted to leap into his arms and scream, "Yes! Yes! Yes!" but the other part of me that felt crushed by his recent behavior, told me to slow the hell down. I had no other choice, in that moment, than to tell him about the baby. If he was sincere with that tearful–despite lame–proposal, he had to know everything. I was sure he'd have a panic attack, and I was right. Edward is a control freak at best, and a baby is simply the last thing either of us ever expected.

When I called him that afternoon to tell him about the doctor's appointment, I hadn't expected him to want to go, let alone pick me up. The look in his brilliant green eyes as Dr. Garner showed us the baby, quite possibly made me fall in love with him all over again. He was so mesmerized, he wasn't even aware he was crying. It was the complete opposite of how he was this morning. As if every facet clicked back into place for him, upon seeing that little blob of our baby on the screen. He was no longer broken. I couldn't stop myself from touching him, or kissing him. To see the man I love, fall in love with our child…it was the single best moment of my life.

His thumb sweeps across my cheek and snaps me out of my reverie. I was hardly aware of a few things, such as the car no longer moving, or the tears falling from my eyes.

"We're here. Are you still hungry?" he asked softly, leaning towards me. His eyes sparkle in the setting sun and he smiles his infamous crooked smile at me. I'm lost to him for a moment, wanting to wrap my arms around him and have my way with him.

Damn pregnancy hormones. He would have to go and fuck things up when I am hornier than I have ever been in my life. Stupid man.

I roll my eyes at him and look away. "The dazzling effect isn't going to work tonight, Mr. Cullen."

He feigns innocence. "Why, I have no idea what you're referencing, Miss Swan. I was simply marveling in the beauty of your eyes."

Ass. I've missed this Edward. Playful Edward.

I reach for the door handle, but he stops me. I turn back to look at him, slightly confused.

Um, hello? Pregnant woman starving here! You said eat, let's fucking eat!

"I love you," he simply states.

My eyes flicker back and forth between his. He's so stunningly beautiful, and I can see the hope and love spilling out of his soul. I can't stop myself as I place my hand on his cheek and softly press my lips to his for a moment.

"I love you too, Edward. Now, can we eat, please? I'm starving!" He chuckles as I step out of the car.

He leads me into the restaurant with his hand on the small of my back, and just his touch alone ignites a blaze of heat across my skin. As we reach our table, he pulls out my chair and kisses the side of my neck before I sit. I may have whimpered slightly.

Oh, holy hell. Simmer down, Bella. Now is not exactly the best time to try and jump his bones. Issues remember? We have issues.

Issues can be resolved in fits of passion though, right? Ever heard of make-up sex?

Jesus, I'm seriously losing my mind. Hi, crazy, party of one.

I minutely shake my head to clear the lust fog as he flashes his crooked smile. He knows exactly what he does to me. Ass. Our waiter takes our order and leaves us alone. Edward reaches his hand across the table and caresses my fingers.

"Thank you for asking me to come with you today. I can't even explain…" he stops and seems to be collecting his thoughts. His eyes hold an enormous amount of emotions, which causes my breath to catch in my throat. I flip my hand over to grasp his.

"I wanted you to be there, Edward. You needed to be there with me. I was never trying to keep this from you."

He nods slightly, his gaze penetrating. "Thank you." His voice is thick and his eyes are watery.

If I ever had any doubts about how he would feel in regards to this baby, they immediately vanish. It's overwhelmingly apparent that he could not be any happier about this than I am, despite my immediate fears. I struggle to keep the damn of tears from bursting open. Planned or not, we're both happy.

Dinner is quiet, save for the sound of the surrounding patrons and the clinks of our forks against our plates. It's not unbearable like the car rides have been; it's actually pleasant.

I can't help myself from stealing occasional glances at him. He is, after all, still the love of my life and, not to mention, fuck-hot. I try subtly to study his body language, but a few times he catches me and winks. This causes my unavoidable reaction to him, and my face turns beet red. Edward and I have always had a very distinct, undeniable connection. It's like a force of nature really. My mom says we're like magnets; I move, he moves. I can sense his presence, and he mine. Without having to really know if the other is there, we simply just know. It can be terribly frustrating at times, however on the same token, it's also calming. Sitting here now, that's exactly how I feel. Calm.

Sadly, that connection is why things are the way they are now. It's apparent that neither one of us is quite able to feel complete without the other. Some may classify it as unhealthy, but it's just how we are. Although, he's now admitted to it; he wasn't aware that he was taking advantage of me, or rather the situation. This is where my trust in him falters, because that's frightening. I was there and he foolishly believed that I always would be, no matter how much he subconsciously pushed me away. He took me for granted, and I can't just allow him to do that.

It sucks, because there are still many aspects of my trust in him that remain strong. I trust that he does love me; even if I've questioned on more than one occasion, that it's enough. I wholeheartedly trust that he would never cheat on me. I trust that he loves our baby. It's my trust in his ability to balance out his work and our relationship that fails. I don't trust that he can honestly put our family ahead of that need he feels to be the best. It's a huge step in the right direction for him to have given Mike the Hunter case. To say that shocked me…well, that's the understatement of the century. Never in a lifetime would I have even seen that coming. I swear my heart jumped into my throat at that declaration. So, this is where I falter…talk about an enormous gesture! The main thing that came between us, and he didn't even think twice about passing it off? That says a lot, right?

The problem that keeps jumping to the front of my mind is that I can no longer sit by and be a doormat. Edward has poured his heart out, and it's clear he's trying. I'm willing to give him that, but I can't just let go of all of my fears in a single second because he tells me what I desperately want to hear. It can't be that easy…can it?

I'm suddenly reminded of a Jane Austen quote from Sense and Sensibility.

"Where so many hours have been spent in convincing myself that I am right, is there not some reason to fear that I may be wrong?"

I know that forgiving Edward for the mistakes he's made in the past year will be hard, mainly because trust is such a hard thing to restore once it's been lost. But should it be? Is it wrong of me to fight so hard against him? Where do we even begin to rebuild our foundation? Top it all off with a fucking cherry; we're having a baby. No turning back on that now. Babies, expected or not, always complicate things.

God, I'm getting a headache. Even my thoughts are incoherent.

"Take a walk with me?" Edward asks, standing beside me, his hand outstretched in offering. Clearly, my inner turmoil has distracted me from the fact that we've both finished our meals and he's already paid. I offer a hesitant smile and take his hand.

Springtime in Washington is beautiful, but so much colder than North Carolina. The highs for the Port are what the lows would be in Wilmington. The atmosphere is almost the same though, and maybe that's why I feel in love with our little beach town. It's cozy. I shiver involuntarily as we stroll past the shops and late century buildings. Edward drops my hand, opting instead to wrap his arm around my shoulders. Again, I breathe him in.

"So, where do we start?" he asks quietly, as we turn a corner and head in the direction of the harbor.

Where indeed?

"Well…I guess with the obvious? Work."

He doesn't answer right away, and I chance a look up at him. His brow is scrunched up with his lips in a tight line. It's clear he's deep in thought, but he looks slightly pissed too. This sets off a swarm of butterflies in my stomach.

"I–I mean…I guess…you don't…"

Shit. Finish a damn thought, Bella!

"No, no. It's fine. You're right. I was just thinking is all. I want to make sure what's in my head, comes out of my mouth right," he responds, gently stroking his hand up and down my arm.

We've ended up on the Waterfront Trail, which runs along the harbor. The sun is beginning its decent into the horizon. The sky is ablaze with color–fiery orange, searing reds, hot as the sun yellows, and yet the outer edges have begun to cool to swirls of sapphire and violet with the encroaching night. He guides us over to a bench situated at the rocky water's edge, removing his arm from my shoulder only to thread his fingers through mine. He leans forward on his other arm and combs his fingers through his hair.

As the silence looms, an uneasy feeling creeps up my spine. I desperately needed him to say something to redirect the negative thoughts my mind is starting to conjure up. I release a heavy sigh and lean back against the bench, trying to focus on the boats and birds out in the harbor.

"Bella," he starts. His voice is low and shaky. "I really don't know what else I can say to make you understand." He pauses and sighs, directing his gaze to the harbor as well. "This morning I told my mom that I would walk away from it all if it meant that you'd give me another chance." My mouth drops open and I jerk my head, staring hard at his profile.

Wait. What?

It takes me a second to process this information. "Edward…I'd…never…" I start, slowly shaking my head.

"If that's what it takes for me to prove my love for you, I'll do it," he says with a fierce tone. He turns his gaze to me; his eyes are a deep, dark jade.

That's not what I want at all.

I'm flabbergasted. This was the very last thing that I ever expected him to say. I don't want him to give up his job, at all. I just don't want to come in second to it anymore.

"No." I clear my throat. "I don't want you to do that. I know you love your job, and I'd never be able to live with myself. That's not what I want, Edward," I plead.

The look in his eyes is so intense that it sends a wave of chills across my skin. He lets out a deep breath through his nose and once again looks back across the harbor. Suddenly he's on his feet and pacing in front of me, combing his fingers roughly through his hair once again. I feel like I have whiplash.

"Don't you see?" he asks through gritted teeth as he stops and stares down at me. "I'd fucking do anything for you, Bella. How do I make you understand that? Tell me what I can do to make you see that there is nothing for me in this life without you. Tell me!" he practically shouts at me.

Well, fuck you!

"Don't yell at me," I growl back at him, narrowing my eyes and rising to my feet as well. Our locked eyes battle for dominance as my fists clench at my sides.

"Why do you have to make this so hard? I fucked up. I get that. I've fucking fallen to my knees and begged you to forgive me, and you can't even fucking do it! Why? Do you not love me enough to fight for us? Is that it? Is this just a waste of my time?" Now he's yelling.

Son-of-a-bitch. How dare he!

Before I even register it, my palm is making hard contact with his face. "Fuck you, Edward."

He doesn't speak as he steps closer to me, leaving only inches between us. He doesn't touch me, just continues to stare down at me. My fury at his words is starting to dissipate as my heart takes off and I am suddenly breathless. The warmth of his breath on my face surrounds me like a blanket. I almost want to close my eyes and let it steam into my pores, but I don't dare break eye contact.

He smirks as his hand rises to my face. Just the slight contact sends an electric current flashing through me. My eyes flutter shut against my will, and I feel him tuck an errant lock of hair gently behind my ear.

"Feel better?" he whispers against my cheek. My eyes pop open as he leans away.

"How could you even say something like that?" I implore. I can feel the tears stinging and I fight to hold them in. I take a step back from him. I need the distance for my brain to defog.

"Why would you–? That's not even fair to–? God, you're so frustrating!" I groan as I hug my arms around my waist and turn my head away from him. I feel like stomping my foot like a petulant child, but I refrain.

"Me? I'm frustrating?" he asks softly with a chuckle. I roll my eyes and take another step back from him.

"What exactly is funny about this, Edward?"

"You're my fierce little kitten. You know how adorable I think you are when you're mad," he says with another chuckle.

Fucker.

"Why do you assume it's just so easy for me to forgive and forget? Okay, I get that you're contemplating some serious changes, but you act like–like I'm supposed to just say 'oh, thank you, thank you, Edward' and all is fine and dandy. I mean, is that how you see me? As some weak little woman that caves to your every word?" I shake my head as my lower lip quivers. A traitorous tear escapes and rolls down my cheek. I angrily swipe at it, looking away again. Edward reaches for my chin and softly pulls me back, not allowing me to hide my gaze.

"No. That's not how I see you," he says as he narrows his eyes at me. "I just don't know what else to do."

"You know how much I love you. Why would you throw that at me?" My tears are relentless now.

Damn hormones.

"I told you that I accept your apology. But you just have to understand that the trust you have broken won't be repaired at the drop of a hat." I pause and let out a deep breath. "I don't want you to quit your job. You know I am not that selfish."

We're both silent for a moment.

"I just don't want to be second best anymore." I take a ragged breath and close my eyes.

"Look at me," he says softly and I feel him place his hands on my hips.

"Bella." I open my eyes and look back up at him. God knows my resolve is wavering. His gaze suddenly softens as he pulls me in for a hug. I fight my angry tears as I push my hands under his coat, locking them around his waist and hold him close. I bury my face to his chest as my sobs take over. This is so damn hard. I want it to be easy, but I can't get past this fear of him not being there for our child or me. He keeps asking me what to do, and I can't even figure out an answer for him. Giving up his job–that's ludicrous. He can't possibly think I would ever ask him to do that.

His hand gently combs through my hair, and his body sways as he tries to calm me. I feel him press his lips to the top of my head and I close my eyes again, trying to soak him in.

"Do you understand the depth of my love for you?" he asks as he rests his chin on my head.

I nod against him. I think so.

"I'll earn your trust back somehow. I promise you that." He drops his head to my shoulder and sighs. His hands weave their way around my lower back, under my coat. Back and forth, he glides them before gently slipping them under the hem of my shirt. The warmth of his touch spreads slowly across my skin, and I inhale shakily. I fist his shirt into my hands and attempt to pull him even closer. His head turns and he places a soft kiss just below my ear.

Fuck. My. Life. Not the time. Not the time!

"Bella," he breathes, then kisses the same spot again. His hands slide down to cup my ass and he presses me further into him. His arousal is obvious against my waist, and my breath hitches.

Oh shit.

I press my forehead into his chest and am further assaulted by his scent as he slides a hand slowly up my ribs. I shudder uncontrollably and lean back to garner some breathing room. Of course, this isn't a great move either. He pulls back at the same time and his piercing green eyes capture mine. They're hooded; loaded with desire. I swallow hard.

"I really want to kiss you right now." His voice is low and heavy with lust. I'm captivated; trapped like the prey of a lion. My eyes flicker to the movement of his tongue wetting his lips then back to his eyes.

This man owns me and he knows it.

A half whimper, half gasp escapes me as he gently presses his mouth to mine. He smoothly moves a hand up to cradle my head while the other flattens against the small of my back as our lips move together. Where the kiss began as slow and gentle, it quickly becomes primal and greedy; drenched with every piece of hurt, anger, fear and heartache that has laced its way through us in the last few days.

You know the scene in Gone With the Wind, where Rhett kisses Scarlet, and at first she fights him, and he tells her "None of the fools you've ever known have kissed you like this, have they?" and she relents and molds into him? Yeah, that's about how I am feeling at this very moment. I'm swept off my feet, once again, by Edward's kiss.

He finally breaks away, allowing us both some much-needed oxygen, only to trail his lips and tongue along the edge of my jaw.

"Edward…oh, God…wait," I whisper breathlessly.

No, don't wait!

He exhales loudly and rests his chin on my shoulder. Our hearts beat erratically together as our breathing slows. He straightens up slowly, allowing his hands to find their way back to my hips.

"How long's it–?"

"Almost five weeks."

"Fucking hell, I'm an idiot." He brings our heads together.

A breathy giggle bubbles up from my chest. "Yeah, well…you don't have a little person inside of you causing your hormones to go haywire."

He clears his throat. "Right." He looks over the top of my head then back down at me. "Come on," he says with a smile, pulling me along the waterfront. We walk hand-in-hand to the pier. The wooden planks creak beneath our feet as we casually stride further out over the water. Edward stops just beneath the tower, pulling me between him and the railing. He places his hands on either side of me, trapping my body between his and the rail. He places a chaste kiss on my cheek before pressing his against mine.

The wind blows stronger over the water as we watch the sun make its final journey of the day beneath the horizon. I snuggle further into him and he wraps me in his embrace, pulling his coat around us both.

"It sure is beautiful," I observe softly. The sight holds more than my words are capable of encompassing.

"Doesn't compare to you," he retorts, squeezing me softly.

I could die right here in his arms, a happy woman. This is us. An easy, comfortable and loving couple; surrounded in desire and passion for each other. This is what has been missing for the last year. I run my hands along the tops of his, and it reminds me…

"What did you do to your hand?"

He stiffens slightly then harshly exhales with the shake of his head. "Something stupid."

I angle my head to the side to glance at him as his chin rests on my shoulder. "Edward?"

He huffs and…wait…is he blushing? "Let's just say that I let my emotions get the best of me and…I need to replace the mirror in the bathroom."

I gasp lightly. "Oh, Edward…what did you do?" I ask softly, looking down and gently caressing his bandaged hand.

He shrugs and then pulls me tighter to him. "I went crazy without you," he states simply with a kiss to my temple. "Please, don't ever leave me again."

I went crazy without you, too. Or my subconscious did…stupid, crazy, fucked-up dream.

We turn our focus back on the last sliver of the sun sinking into the water. The horizon becomes a brilliant, thin gold line before swirls of colors take over. It's powerful, like the symphony reaching a crescendo and then quieting. Slowly fading into night, the stars come out to play, as we remain embraced in the beauty and poetic irony.

The sun has set on this long and tumultuous day. I close my eyes and breathe in the salty air. Maybe we made some progress today, or maybe not…but like Scarlett says, "Tomorrow is another day."

End Notes:

Yeah...so? Are we getting there? idk, she was a PIMA this chap...I think we'll jump back into Edward's brain for a while.

*grumbles while walking away & shaking head* Stubborn Bella.

Also, are you guys getting my replies to your reviews? I hope I'm doing it right! Just know...I read them all, and you make me smile and I THANK YOU...if you're not getting them...sniffle I'm sorry! I'm trying!

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