Isabelle knew that waking up to pounding on your door was never a good thing. However, when she saw Simon's pale face and shaking hands she knew somehow that this night was going to change her life forever. She let him stand there gaping for a few minutes before she had to start demanding answers as she yanked him inside.
"Simon," Izzy said sharply. "Simon, tell me what's going on! What the hell are you even doing here?"
"Iz," Simon said weakly, tears pooling in his brown eyes. She grew more alarmed as the first tear fell down his paler than usual cheek. Simon rarely cried, even as emotional of a person as he was. She had known him most of her life and could count on one hand the number of times she had seen his tears. "Iz, it's Alec."
Her world stopped completely.
Simon was here at her door looking like the world had ended and the only thing he had said so far was Alec's name. Her big brother, the sole person who had gotten her through the past two years. The only person she truly believed loved her to the moon and back. She trusted Alec with her heart and soul. Nothing could happen to Alec or she would fall completely apart. Alec was her world. Her big brother hung the fucking stars in the sky as far as she was concerned. He had taken care of their family when their parents couldn't be bothered. She could never imagine doing what he did on a day to day basis. He was the glue holding the Lightwood family together by it's very fragile edges.
"What happened to Alec?" Isabelle asked, her tongue feeling heavy in her mouth. She was terrified to ask, but at the same time she knew she had to know. If Alec was gone, then she had to hear it now.
"Alec got shot," Simon got out in a whisper. "So many people got shot. So many people…"
"Shot?" She repeated, not believing what she was hearing. Who would even have a gun? They were all at homecoming and it had turned into a fucking disaster. She felt light headed even as she was trying to process what all of this meant. "Is Alec alive, Simon?"
"Y-yeah," Simon swiped at his eyes hurriedly. "I-I didn't mean to come here and fall apart. Now that Aline is taken care of I just… I can't even…"
"Oh Simon," Isabelle said softly as she pulled him into a hug. Whatever the hell had happened Simon had lived through it. He had had to witness whatever had happened at her school tonight. She stroked his hair softly as he tried his best not to cry. "Simon, I'm so sorry. It's gonna be okay." She had no idea what to say right now without even having all the pieces of the picture, but hearing himi stifling sobs made her heart hurt like someone was stabbing it repeatedly.
"We need to go," SImon said, even as he held her tighter. "Alec got taken downtown to the hospital. Your uncle is already there with Jace and Max. I think Max sprained his wrist or something. It was so chaotic. I'm sorry I-"
"Simon, it's okay," She assured him, feeling a sense of relief at doing the holding instead of being the one held together.
"You don't want this," He got out, voice a tad stronger but still sounding so broken. "I need to not-"
"Not right now Simon," Guilt poured through her that he felt bad clinging onto her at a time like this. "Right now you can take what you need."
He pulled back to look at her deeply for a long moment before he swept in to press his lips to hers. She inhaled sharply in surprise, but her body responded before her mind could try to protest. His mouth was warm and demanding as he pressed her to the wall. His hands were desperately grabbing at any piece of her they could reach. Running over her sides and thighs as they kissed without abandon. She moaned at the familiar, wonderful feeling as his tongue traced her lips. She knew she was too broken for him, but right now he made her feel whole. He made it feel like the last two years had never happened. LIke her mom had never left for California and left them to fall apart back in New York. He made her feel like she was enough in this moment.
They broke apart for air after what felt like what could have been hours, but was only minutes. His chest heaved as he looked at her deeply. His brown eyes bore into her matching ones and even through the grief in his eyes she saw passion. She saw his raw adoration of her. The adoration she didn't deserve. The adoration that made her skin crawl when she thought of the ways she had marked it and how she was treating her body. If he knew….he would stop it all. He would demand she stop, and that was the one thing she couldn't do. This was why she had pushed him away until she was okay again. He deserved someone okay. Someone who wouldn't put that look back in his eyes.
"We need to go," She repeated his earlier statement, her racing heart not slowing down one bit. She nearly whimpered as his large, warm hands left her skin. He took a step back with his cheeks flushed and biting his lip. She led the way to the door and felt him grip her hand, his own still shaking. If it was from whatever happened tonight or from the moment they had just shared was unclear.
The ride to the hospital was mostly quiet, Izzy at the wheel. Simon was in no state to drive, and how he had gotten to her house was a mystery. He told her enough that she could put together pieces. A shooter had gotten into the school in the middle of the dance, and it had been awful. Lots of people were hurt, including both her brothers and Clary Fray. She was torn between being beyond grateful she had stayed home, and then feeling guilty she wasn't there to do….she wasn't sure what.
The hospital was a zoo with families wanting to see their teens. Every TV in the place was playing the same story of the shooting. Police were still around answering questions and taking statements from uninjured students. It was a zoo to find where Mike and the rest of the group had went to. Alec was obviously no longer in the emergency room by this point. When Isabelle saw that her family wasn't in the zoo of a waiting room she figured they had gone upstairs. Simon hadn't let go of her hand and she was glad as evidence of this tragic disaster was in front of her eyes. Someone had broken into a place she had always felt was safe and destroyed so many lives.
The reality didn't hit her until she saw Jace curled up in a chair with Michael's arm around him tightly. He was pale as a sheet and had blood on his shirt that likely wasn't his. She had never seen him look so small in all the time she had known him. Even when he had let her and Alec in on some of the horrors from his past he had looked larger than life. Her uncle was holding the hand of a man she had never met, but must be his elusive boyfriend none of them had met just yet. On his other side was Magnus Bane, the boy always in flawless outfits who had fallen for her brother. He looked torn apart. His eyes were raw looking even as tears still slipped down his cheeks. He was holding onto her uncle's boyfriend's hand like it was his only lifeline. He had a coat around his shoulders, but he was still shaking.
"Aline," Simon said softly as he let go of her hand to trail over to their right. Iz followed his gaze to see Aline Penhallow sitting in a chair staring out into nothing. The rest of the group looked battered and beaten, but this girl looked completely broken. Her eyes were what alarmed Isabelle the most. They looked dead inside as they stared at absolutely nothing. She had no response as Simon sat next to her and gave her his jacket. She had butted heads with Aline many times, but now she just wanted back the feisty girl that was nearly as close to Alec as she was.
"Hey Izzy," MIke's deep voice snapped her attention to her family sitting in front of her. "Do you know what's happened?"
"Yeah," She said numbly. She knew the facts, but she had no idea how they were all supposed to make it through the afternath in one piece. It wasn't sinking into her brain what this meant.
"Isabelle," Jace croaked out, his eyes lighting up a tad as he saw her. She felt her own tears prick the back of her eyes only imagining what he must be going through. Alec was his rock as much as hers, and if Clary was hurt too he must be a complete mess. She had heard him say often since Robert had emotionally checked out that he was fine if he had Clary That redhead was all her brother needed to be okay, and now that girl's life was in the balance.
"Hey Jace," She said softly as he switched positions to curl into her side instead. Mike gave her a tight smile, his eyes asking if she was alright. She mustered up a grin back to not have him worry, but the truth was she didn't know the answer to his question yet.
The silence was deafening as the hours slowly crept by as they waited for any news on the ones they loved. Max had finally been released with his wrist in a splint. He had sprained it falling in the melee. He sat at Mike's feet with their uncle running a hand through the younger boy's hair. Magnus had fallen asleep on the man's shoulder from sheer exhaustion.
A doctor approached them, still fully dressed in scrubs and the surgical cap and shoe covers. Izzy's stomach lurched at the tiny splatter of blood she could see by his hips. He looked exhausted and she could only hope he had some kind of good news.
"Family of Alec Lightwood?" At the doctor's call all eight of them stood up to approach the poor man who looked overwhelmed at the number of people he had to address. "Okay well Mr. Lightwood made it through surgery clean. The bullet was extracted entirely, which is good. He's in recovery right now waking up. He'll have a while to be in here to rest and to recover safely. It was touch and go for a bit, but his wound wasn't fatal since we got him here in time. He'll have to have therapy to get his muscle strength back, but we can probably have him home in a month."
"Thank God," Mike muttered and Isabelle squeezed his hand.
"We can let a few of you back here at a time," The doctor continued with a small smile. "Don't overwhelm him, but I'm sure he'll be happy to see some friendly faces. He's been through a lot."
"Thank you for saving him," Max said quietly, his arm clutched to his chest.
"The pleasure was mine. It felt so good to save one." The doctor seemed to realize he said the wrong thing as all of them took on a ashen expression. The gloom in the room was felt as Izzy gazed around at the other families still waiting on news, or the ones that were sitting stock still in shock from what they had heard. They were lucky, but so many weren't tonight.
"We'll wait," The man, Mike's boyfriend, said softly. "Mike, go take his siblings back. We can see him in a bit."
Magnus looked like he wanted to protest, but he nodded reluctantly and sank back to his plastic chair.
"Magnus can go," Isabelle said, panic taking over her at the thought of going back there. She wasn't ready to see her brother in that hospital bed. "Seriously, I need a minute."
"Iz," Jace said, confusion on his face.
"Jace, I need a minute." She pleaded silently for him to understand. "Go with Mike and see Alec."
They disappeared, Mike, Jace, Alec, and Magnus. Izzy looked to see Simon and Aline back sitting together. Simon talking and Aline sitting silently. She wondered where Helen was, the four of them were hardly ever apart. Aline and Helen hadn't been apart for years it felt like. Unless Helen was hurt somewhere?"
"Where is Helen at?" Isabelle asked quietly as she sat across from them. Simon's words immediately died on his lips as he stared at her. Aline's brown eyes looked at her directly for the first time tonight. She blinked a few times before a single tear formed and slid down her cheek.
"She's dead," Aline said in a small voice. "Helen died, and Alec almost died. She died, she actually fucking died at eighteen years old." She broke down in loud sobs for the first time since finding Helen's body and collapsed into Simon's arms. His eyes met hers and for one moment she tried to imagine how it would feel if Simon had died tonight. If Simon was taken from her so suddenly and before they could fill in all that was left unsaid between them. She wasn't best friends with Helen, but the blonde had been someone that had been in her life for years. She was friends with Alec, in countless memories and group chats and just always there. It was hitting her fully how widespread this was. What it meant to have a dozen and a half teens dead by the hand of one man. How many groups of friends were sitting somewhere crying and struggling to understand the reality of how this could have happened.
They were victims, all of them. Even if no bullet had pierced their skin, they were bearing just as much pain and their lives were broken.
MBALMBALMBALMBAL
Magnus had been cold for hours.
He couldn't get warm since the moment he heard the gunshot ring out in the empty hallway. No matter how many jackets he put on or how tightly he curled his body he still felt the penetrating cold. It could be shock, or the draft of the hospital hallways. Raphael had given him a shirt to change into so he didn't look quite so bad. He had never seen his therapist outside like this. They hadn't always met in his office, but they had only ever spoken during a session. He wasn't used to seeing Raphael worried or scared. He felt like he was invading by seeing Raphael hold Mike's hand. This whole night was off kilter. The ER had been worse than waiting. People were screaming and crying everywhere. Bundles of students and nagging parents were around trying to see when doctors pushed them out to work. Blood was on the floor in more than one room, including the one they had taken Alec into. Magnus had thought for sure he would die, seeing all that blood.
But he had been wrong. Alec was alive somehow, and he was going to be okay. He'd be in here for a while, but he would one day walk out again. Alec had saved his life, and now Magnus had to sort out how he felt about all of that. This boy had saved him on their second proper date. They had talked so much, and touched so little. Magnus had seen him on stage living his passion, and he had seen him curled up during a panic attack in his car. Their friends were slowly mingling together. They were growing to be so close, but they still had such a long way to go. He had no idea if he could return the favor. He would have liked to say he would, but now that he had been put in mortal danger it was harder to measure. He had been shaking too hard to stand up, let alone jump in front of a gun. There was so much Alec didn't know or understand beyond the surface. Alec was getting in so deep, and Magnus felt like he was still on the surface.
He hung back by the wall as his family crowded around his bed. His uncle had one hand while Jace held the other. Alec hadn't woken up yet, but the doctor kept telling them he would. Magnus just kept his gaze on his eyes, praying that they would open to show the blue Magnus loved. His eyes were so calming all the time. Though the last time had been when they had been huddled in the doorway, terrified out of their minds. Had tonight ruined the innocence Magnus loved about their...whatever it was they had?
Alec moaned softly as his throat worked to swallow and his eyes fluttered open. The second his eyes opened and locked on him Magnus felt his knees go weak. The relief was like nothing he had ever known. This was relief so sharp he felt it in his heart and soul. He felt himself smile a bit but the moment was over like a flash before the pain must have hit Alec like a tidal wave as the other boy's face contorted and he cried out.
Magnus's mind flashed back to the floor of that hallway once again and he fought to keep his stomach calm. Alec was safe now, and mostly alright. He was going to heal, and with healing came the worst of the pain. Magnus knew that all too well.
"Dad…" The word was muffled by the oxygen mask he wore, but it was clear enough that nobody could mistake it from anything else. "Dad!" All the faces in the room fell at Alec's helpless cry.
Speaking of, where was Robert Lightwood? Magnus knew their relationship being rocky was an understatement, but this was life and death. Surely this was an exception to Robert's cold shoulder?
Mike was trying to calm and shush his distressed nephew as best he could. Alec seemed to calm down after a few moments and realize who was really with him and where he was. Magnus wanted to be there for him, the way he had been in the parking lot the night of their first kiss. He wanted to hold him, but not in front of these people.
"Where the fuck is he?" Jace asked lowly, his voice filled with rage. He looked livid and he could only be talking about the man who should have been here before anyone else.
"He's not answering me," Mike answered quietly. Alec seemed upset that his father wasn't here, his most basic needs coming out when he was so vulnerable. Magnus could understand that too well. He still cried for his mother in the midst of a nightmare sometimes. It was something that never truly went away no matter how long they were gone.
"How is he not here?" Jace raged. "His son almost dies and he's literally nowhere to be found?!"
"Jace, watch your tone. Don't upset him," Mike said sternly as he could while keeping his voice low. "I know he should be here. I know that Jace, and I don't understand either. I've called him several times and texted him. I even sent him an email on the off chance he'd read that."
"You still think they should cultivate a relationship?" Jace asked scathingly. Mike sighed and opened his mouth to reply when Max interrupted them with a cry full of joy.
"Dad!" No matter how angry Max had been over the weeks, a tragedy seemed to put things in clearer perspective. Jace's expression didn't change as he glared at the man approaching. He was tall and intimidating, even in jeans and a button up shirt. He looked annoyed more than anything that he was here. The youngest Lightwood stood up and was about to embrace his father, but seemed to think better of it.
"What in the hell happened?" Robert asked, his cold, steely blue eyes sweeping over the room. Magnus swallowed hard and felt inexplicably nervous and out of place. He reminded Magnus of his step-father, and that hadn't ended well at all. If Robert was even half as awful, then Magnus had a new appreciation for the kind of man Alec was.
"I'll talk to you outside," MIke said, voice still low, but now furious. "Jace stay here with Alec. I'll send Izzy in." Mike bodily forced Robert out of the room and shoved him a good fifty feet from the room. Magnus slipped out behind them and was about to head back to Raphael's side, but the raised voices made him freeze.
"How did it take you six hours to show up?" Mike asked, seething. He stood facing Robert, who was leaning against the wall. Robert looked much more relaxed than Magnus would be facing that kind of rage. "How did it possibly take you that long when I sent you a message telling you that your son could very well be dying?!"
"I was in the middle of something," Robert said calmly. "If he died Michael, then what was I supposed to do about it? I couldn't save him. I"m here."
"Do you know who the hell he asked for?" MIke asked him. "Do you have any idea who the first person he wanted here could be?"
"I know who it isn't," Robert muttered. Magnus knew he should leave, but something about this made him stay. He was too afraid of being caught if he moved.
"He wanted you, Robert. He wanted nobody but you when he opened his eyes. Once again you weren't there." MIke balled his hands into fists and started to pace. "I get that you're going through a lot with Maryse these last few years. I know that she broke your heart, even after you broke hers first. I know divorce is painful and fucking messy, but this is too far Rob. I know you get caught up too much in work, and you can't be bothered to make dinner or be there for practices, but he almost died Robert. Your son nearly died, and I somehow care more than you do."
"Alec has made it clear he wants nothing to do with me," Robert said stiffly. "My job is to make sure they're alive with money for their needs. They are nearly adults, not snivelling babies."
"Alec has never wanted to give up on you," Mike shook his head "Alec wanted one second of your time, or your approval. He has weeks of recovery ahead of him, and months before he's himself again. You need to get rid of whatever blonde caught you this week and be there for them. They all faced death in the face and they're terrified and devastated. Jace's girl is in the ICU, barely alive. Isabelle is hardly okay with all this and Alec's friend is dead. He had no idea half of what's even happened tonight. They need you now, and I'm not their father. I can't do what you can for them."
The hall was silent for a long time after Mike's speech. Magnus took two steps before he heard something that made his heart drop to his feet and disbelief fill him again.
"No," Robert Lightwood said, his voice calm, but defeated instead of defensive. "You think I'm the one they need, but I'm not. I can't do….I can't be that. Not for Alec, not for any of them. All I see is her when I look at them. Isabelle has he fire, and Max her eyes. Alec….that boy is the spitting image of her besides my eyes. I tried to do it Mike, for a while."
"No isn't an option here," Mike was as shocked as Magnus was. "You don't get to say no here. You have kids, whether you like it or not. Maryse left them, and so it's down to you."
"I've only hurt them, for years," Robert shifted his coat to better sit on his shoulders. "I can't do this Michael, and I won't."
"We'll do it together," Mike said, softening his tone just a little. "I'll be there with you, and we can get your kids through this. When you're with Alec I can handle the rest, or vice versa. It will work out."
"Do you not understand that when I saw Alec just now, in that hospital bed with tubes running every which way I felt nothing? I didn't rush here because I just….didn't want to. I feel nothing for those kids Mike, and I haven't for a while. I'm done," Robert turned and started to walk towards the double doors. Michael was shouting after him as loudly as he could, fury turning to horror and turning to deep sadness. Magnus felt chills run up his arms and somehow even though he'd only just met him, he even knew that Robert was leaving in a different way than ever before.
MBALMBALMBAL
Izzy watched her father walk briskly past the waiting room far too soon after he had arrived. She paused for only a moment before following him. Logically he could be doing anything right now. He could be going to find a doctor, or getting a coffee or even going to call their mother, but somehow she knew that he was leaving. He was leaving and it felt different. The panic in her chest said that it was different. She hadn't seen him all week, and she could honestly say she hadn't missed him one bit. It made no sense that she was running after him like she was about to make some kind of difference. She shouldn't care like this, not anymore. Long ago Robert had bowed out of her life, but leaving entirely was different.
"Where the hell are you going?" She screamed as soon as they were both outside the hospital doors. The media was gone and the parking lot finally dark and quiet besides the hum of a few overhead orange lights.
"I'm leaving Isabelle," Her father slowly turned to face her, a sense of calm over him that she hadn't seen in years. "It's better for everyone. You're getting what you want."
"What I want?" She repeated, blown away by his calm. She felt more angry than she had ever been at him before. She had ranted so many times over the years to her brothers about their father. She hated that he ignored them. She hated that he had a different girl in his room twice a week. She hated that he had hurt their mother. She hated more than he kept hurting Alec. Deep in her heart she knew she never hated him, not really. "As usual Dad, you have no idea what I fucking want."
"You and your siblings-"
"Don't you dare do your usual act and act like we asked for this," She cut him off before the familiar speech could start. "I wanted you with us. I wanted you to take me to cheerleading and to be at my games. I wanted you home to cook dinner instead of making Alec do it before ripping him apart for whatever he'd done. We wanted you to act your age and be there for the family that you had. That is what we fucking wanted, and what Alec still wants. He wants Max to still have a dad, instead of being angry and alone when he doesn't."
"You should know by now you're never going to have that," He said softly, the softest tone he'd used with her in years. "I'm not that person Isabelle."
"Don't do this," She tried to keep her voice strong, but after all she had seen tonight it broke pathetically. "You can't leave. Alec….he almost died tonight. He needs help. Jace is falling apart in there. I…" Her throat got stuck in lieu of any words she had left. Rain started to fall gently in sputters and drops, fitting for this night.
"You'll be better for this," He told her before starting to walk away once again. Any sadness was replaced with a rage so strong she swore she only saw red.
"How fucking dare you?!" She screamed so loudly she felt her it vibrate through her body. "After every fucking thing you put us through! After hitting us and belittling us! After ignoring that we exist for a year you just leave! You're a fucking piece of shit, you know that?! No wonder Mom left!" She picked up some loose rocks by her feet and started hurling them, praying they'd hit him somehow. "You are the worst human being in the entire world! You are lower than the guy that just came to shoot up a fucking school! You don't care about anyone but yourself! I hate you! Do you hear me? You're finally right, I hate you for this! You are fucking dead to me!" As she ended her tirade she could distantly hear his car door close. She was shaking as she watched the car back up and pull away. The tears started as soon as the tail lights turned the corner.
"Isabelle," Jace and Simon stood behind her as she turned to the voice. The sobs broke out as Jace came to hold her in his arms. She knew she wasn't feeling even half of what this meant yet, even if that half felt like it was tearing her apart.
"He's gone," She told Jace as she huddled herself inside his leather jacket. She couldn't see anything clearly through the rain and her tears, but she felt a set of hands on her back and she knew it was Simon. HIs hands were the only ones that could make that heat course through her. "He's not coming back this time. He left us, now of all times. He just left without looking back. That's how much we mean to him."
"I'm so sorry," Jace said softly to her. His large hand was stroking her hair gently and it felt mildly comforting. "He's rotten Izzy, and I'm sorry. I'm sorry he's hurt you for so long. You deserve so much better. "
"You aren't alone," Simon said, tugging them under the cover of the overhang. "You have your uncle and you have us. You have me." She met his eyes for only a moment before she had to look quickly away. The memory of their kiss was still fresh in her mind, no matter the horror she'd seen tonight. If she let her mind wander she could still feel his touch all over her. The way his hands made her every nerve come alive and how when he held her it felt like nothing could break through to hurt her. Simon was the one person she knew could help her through this, but she had to keep him at arm's length, to save them both from getting their hearts broken.
Her arm betrayed her by reaching out to hold Simon's cold hand. "I know," She turned to Jace. "Is Alec awake yet?"
"He asked for Robert," Jace said grimly. "The second his eyes are open he was crying out for him. How the hell are we ever going to tell him that Robert left? I've never seen someone so loyal to their father. I know what he's said, but he loves that son of a bitch underneath it all. He's lost one of his best friends, and his father all in one night. He's stuck in this place for weeks on top of that, nothing but his thoughts for company. " Jace shook his head. "That bastard left, and yet we have to be the ones that breaks his heart."
"We probably are better off," She was trying to convince them as well as herself. "MIke will help us, he always has. We've been doing this alone for ages anyways." She wiped the last tears from her cheeks. She took the coat Jace offered her, not ready to go in yet. Jace squeezed her shoulder before going to the other side of the hospital to check on Clary. Simon stood behind her, her back barely brushing his front.
"I don't know why you are pushing me away," Simon said softly. "I don't know why you're making yourself so skinny. I don't know if you guys are all going to come out of this okay. The only thing I do know is that I love you Isabelle Lightwood. That's literally the only thing I'm sure of right now. I know that I need you, and I probably shouldn't as much as I do. One of my best friends died tonight, a girl I've spent every weekend with for the last three years. Despite that, all I can think about or worry about is you. You can push all you want Iz, but I"m not leaving." He stood for a long moment with her before going back inside. She leaned against the large cement pillar, afraid to move. She was afraid of what else would fall out from under her if she took another step in any direction. She had a boy that was in love with her, a real and true kind of love, but she was too broken and too uncertain to accept it. How long could Simon possibly wait for her?
How long before she lost everyone?