Baby doll gone wrong

( ONLY 6 more days till Breaking Dawn!!)

Chapter 11: I can't give up

We sat in silence the rest of the way back. He sniffed the air a few times, and his face looked hurt, as if it pained him to even smell. I thought over why for about twenty minuets, and then it hit me. He could smell the weed on me, or in my blood stream.

I tied to start a conversation with him more the one time, but every time I tired he just tightened his hold on the wheel and looked forward. He was a ticking time bomb, just waiting to go off. I just happen to be the one he would go off on too. Shame seamed to overwhelm me, and the pain of what I've done to people all around me was hitting me like a truck.

I felt tears start to go down my face, but all I could do was look down. Edward looked over me, and his eyes seamed to go softer. I couldn't stand the thought of him trying to comfort me. I turned and looked out the window and thought more about what I've done. I didn't give a rats ass about anyone else, and look where I was. What would happen to me in a few years? Would I still be stuck in this stupid town, doing these drugs? The thought of it made even more tears come down my face. I was going to be a bum if I didn't get help.

"Bella, what's wrong? I can't stand the sight of you crying." Edwards voice seamed so sincere. He really meant every world, but every word of it made me feel worse.

"How can you even look at me? After all I've done. I hurt you over and over, I hurt everyone over and over. I'm a drug addicted monster." I said with even more pain. My own words seam to start breaking me down. Every word that came out was the truth, and I needed the truth. I needed to wake up from my little world, and take a look at what was around me.

"I can't give up on you Bella." He answered back with a sad grin. It looked forced and not something to be done at this kind out a time.

"Why can't you?" I answered back. I would have given up on myself by now. I was a wreck, and I didn't deserve anyone helping me.

"I love you, and I can't stand the thought of you doing this to your self. " I felt even more tears some down. How could he say something like that to me. I was a monster, I destroyed everything I ever had.

" How can you love me?" I asked with a desperate voice. "Don't you see what I've done. I've ruined my life, and nothing I do can save me from it."

His face became even more serious. "I always have Bella, and I will never give up on you. I was the one who left you, and made you resort to this." He said, and I felt even worse.

"So, your doing this because you feel guilty." I yelled back at him. "Fuck you." I yelled out. He looked over at me.

"What did you just say to me?" His voice seamed to get angry at me, and I smiled. I wanted him to yell. I needed someone to yell at me, and tell me how fucked up I am. I needed more pain; I caused so much of it that it came like a second nature.

"You heard me, fuck you." I said before I knew what happened he slammed on his breaks and turned over to look at me. I had my eye browns raised and a grin plastered on my face. He started at me, and I knew he was trying to read me. Minutes passed and I started to get pissed. "Yell at me already. Do something I just cussed at you." He shook his head and we started to move again.

I was beyond pissed. He wouldn't yell at me. My jaw was dropped , and I looked ahead. Any one else would of screamed at me, maybe even kicked me out of the car, but not him. He just took it and kept on driving. I wanted him to yell at me. He never did, never once have I pissed him off enough to yell at me. I wanted him to cuss me out. To call me a druggie, and to say he hates me. I wanted him to tell me that I'm not going to do anything with my life. I wanted to be… to be punished for everything I've done.

The ride home was now quite, and none of us dared to talk. He seamed to be going though the thoughts in his head. His face would occasionally show emotion, but before I could uncover which emotion, his face was hard as stone.

We ended up in front of the rehab center yet again. "I can't keep taking you back here Bella." I jumped at his voice. "You have to make up your mind. I can't make it up for you." He turned to me, and his face was soft and filed with concern. "Do you want to get better, or do you want to be on drugs for the rest of your life? Alice's visions show you with me, or back on drugs. I refuse to be here if you will go back to that life style." I had tears going down my face. Every word he said hit me harder and harder. "I love you Bella, but you must choose. Drugs or me." I couldn't look up. I know I wanted him, but the thought of a life without drugs was hard. I would never feel the high, the sweet bliss that held me together.

"If I choose you, do you promise not to ever leave me again?" I asked with fear in my voice. I didn't want to be rejected again, and I sure as hell didn't want to get better then have to fall back onto the drugs because of him leaving. I needed help, and I knew that. Without him being here I have nothing to live for.

"You're scared that I will leave you?" He asked. I could only nod. His arms wrapped around me, and he help me close. "I promise I'll never leave you." I felt safe, but those world were used before.

"That's what you said last time." I answered back. My heart was racing, and I tried to calm it down. If I could, I would spend the rest of my life in his arms.

"You have to trust me." He answered back. He wanted to talk about trust; he who left me after he said he wouldn't.

"I did, and look where we are." I said very softly as more tears started to go down my face. I was an emotional wreck, and he blamed it on himself. I didn't need the ability to read minds to know that.

"Bella, please I won't leave. Last time I said I would leave if it was good for you. That I could walk away if it came to your safety. Now I see that if I'm not here worse things will happen. If you stay clean, I won't ever leave. I can't bear to know that your in that state." I nodded before yawning. I could have argued with him, but I'll save that for another day. "I think it's time for someone to go to bed."

"I agree, but one thing first. Why did it take you so long to save me from myself? I was on drugs for months, and you just 'popped' out of no where." I said while trying to keep my eyes open.

"I told Alice not to tune into you. I told her that I didn't want her looking into your future, and I trusted you to keep that promise. Then Alice saw you crash the truck, and I knew I had to come. When I did get here, I heard about all the drugs from Charlie. He begged for us to help you." I nodded, not really wanting to argue. I guess Charlie knew all along that I was on drugs. Here I was thinking I was hiding it so well, when in reality he knew. "He's a cop Bella; he is trained to see the sine's of using."

"Can you take me upstairs? I'm to tired and probably to high to walk right now." He nodded before picking me up, and bringing me inside. I didn't remember who we walked by, or even if we did walk by anyone. All I knew was I felt a soft surface beneath me. Then I felt covers being pulled over me. "Stay Edward." I said and he sighed.

"I will always be here." He answered, and I felt his cold body lay next to mine.

Ok so sorry about how long it took me to write the chapter. I went to water world, and got the worse sunburn in the history of sun burns. It was bad, but I did get this done as soon as I could… ok I probably could of gotten it out yesterday, but I get my laptop Wednesday, so I'll be able to write a LOT quicker. and this is my longest chapter whoot!!

Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, you make my day!!

Ashley