Never Let Me Go
Chapter 11
As much as Andy worried about Sharon, being at work felt good. The opportunity to dive head-first into a case, distracting his thoughts with bank statements and phone records, putting clues together and pretending his colleagues' jokes were funny helped clear his mind and made him breathe easier for a little while. Once again, Sharon had been right; he had needed this time apart as much as she had. When the time for his chat with Hobbs and Lim came, he felt a lot more centered than he had that morning.
Before they entered the conference room behind the Deputy City Attorney, Andy stopped Hobbs with a hand on her arm, worry evident in his expression.
"How is she?"
He was glad that the DDA didn't pretend not to understand. She gave him a tight smile, letting him see that she shared his concern.
"It was tough, but she got through it. She's holding up okay. Let's get this over with and you can go check on her."
Nodding, grateful for her honesty, he let her precede him into the room, taking a seat across from the two women and bracing himself for what he knew was to come. To his surprise Lim stayed quiet all through the first part of the interview, letting Andrea ask her questions and allowing him to describe the events surrounding Sharon's rescue and Harris' arrest. Once he had started, the words came easier than he had expected as the DDA guided him through his memories, occasionally asking for clarification or gently prodding for more details when he was reluctant to delve too deeply into the past, but generally letting him talk at his own pace.
He sighed in relief when he was done, briefly closing his eyes, letting his shoulders relax. Across from him, Gloria was starting to get restless, shifting through the stack of papers in front of her and he knew that the worst was yet to come. He hadn't forgotten what Sharon had told him about her meeting the day before. Taking one last, calming breath, he faced the young woman, bracing himself for whatever she might throw at him.
"How long have you known Captain Raydor, Lieutenant?"
The question surprised him, because it didn't seem to have a point. Besides, how was he supposed to remember when exactly he had first met her?
"If you're after a precise date, I can't help you. She started out a few years after me, but we were in Patrol together for a year or so. We ran into each other occasionally, but we didn't have much to do with each other. That was over thirty years ago. If you want to know when she first handled one of my FID cases, you should probably look into my personnel file, 'cause I don't remember. There were quite a few."
Scribbling down a few notes, she looked at him again, eyes cold and piercing. It never ceased to amaze him how much the sound of her voice annoyed him.
"So, you two go way back?"
Frowning, Andy started questioning more than just the purpose of this interview. He had to remind himself that losing his temper would not be helpful, as tempting as the thought of yelling at her might be.
"If you've been around as long as we have, you go way back with many people. Is there something specific you want to ask me?"
She narrowed her eyes at him, before she focused on her notes again. He wondered if he should tell her that the note-taking trick was as old as time and didn't work on him, but decided to let her feel in control for now.
"Do you like working for Captain Raydor? I understand that her transfer to Major Crimes didn't sit well with your division."
This time Andy couldn't contain his reaction, snorting and rolling his eyes at her.
"We're all creatures of habit around here, ma'am. We don't get used to any kind of change easily. The Captain is a good boss and she knows how to run a team. Didn't take her long to pull us onto her side."
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Hobbs raise and eyebrow, her lips twitching slightly. Apparently, she was trying to decide whether to laugh or pull her hair, just as he was.
"How would you describe your relationship with Captain Raydor?"
Here we go, he thought. This was what she was trying to get at.
"The Captain and I are friends."
Her sneer gave him a pretty good idea what she thought of that statement, even though it was the truth – technically. They hadn't made any definitive decision about the nature of their relationship, after all.
"When did you stop drinking, Lieutenant?"
Narrowing his eyes at her, he pressed his hands flat against his thighs to ground himself. Her erratic line of questioning was beginning to seriously annoy him, because it didn't serve any purpose. It was a strategy to confuse suspects in order to break them, but he wasn't a suspect – at least he didn't think so. Someone should probably tell her that those tricks only work on people who don't know them but he didn't feel inclined to educate her and he wouldn't give her the satisfaction of losing his temper.
"I've been sober for close to eighteen years."
Andy was pretty good at reading people and he definitely detected a strong dislike from Ms. Lim towards him. He had no idea what he had ever done to piss her off, but it must have been something good if the way she looked at him was anything to go by.
"That's an awfully long time without a drink. It's hard to believe you never succumbed to temptation. Can you prove that you're not drinking?"
Taking a deep, calming breath, Andy thought about the sound of Sharon's voice when she talked about one of her children, letting the memory of its soft tone soothe his rising temper. When he responded, his voice was completely devoid of emotion.
"Can you?"
He could see that his reply had thrown her slightly and she didn't like it. Andrea, on the other hand, had to press her lips together to keep the grin off her face. Her eyes sparkled with humor as she sat back in her chair, obviously settling in for an entertaining show.
"How many of the complaints against you did Captain Raydor investigate during her time with FID?"
Eyeing the sizable folder in front of her, he smirked, making sure she got how ridiculous he thought this interview was.
"I guess you know better than me, since you've got my jacket right there. As you can see, there are quite a few complaints in there. You'll have to forgive me if I don't remember the specific details. But I have been cleared of every single one of them."
Hiding his sarcasm was getting harder with every insane question she asked and he wondered how much longer he would be able to keep to his good intentions of being calm and controlled.
"Yes, I noticed. I have indeed checked your file and I saw that an unusually large number of your complaints were handled by Captain Raydor. That makes me wonder what you gave the Captain in exchange for clearing you. From where I sit, it looks a lot like the two of you had some sort of arrangement. What was it, Lieutenant? Did you trade sexual favors for a positive FID report? I mean, her husband left her a very long time ago and a woman has needs. It would've been a great deal for both of you."
He felt heat rise into his cheeks and heard the blood pulsing in his ears as his blood pressure shot through the roof. To hell with calm and controlled. This was too much. If only he could get his mouth to form words, he would love to tell her where to stick her interview. Instead, she took his silence as a chance to get in another question.
"How long have you been sleeping with Captain Raydor, Lieutenant?"
Hobbs looked ready to strangle the other woman, her eyes wide with shock and outrage, but Andy was faster. Pushing his chair back, he rose to his feet, bracing his hands on the table, leaning over it, his voice loud and almost shaking with anger.
"Okay, enough of this crap! I won't sit here and listen to you insult a fellow officer. You have obviously no idea what the hell you're talking about, lady. Sharon Raydor worked damn hard to get where she is and she has spent her entire career fighting to make sure that young women get the same chances in this job as their male colleagues without having to be subjected to stupid accusations like that. How do you like people asking you who you slept with to get your job?"
He didn't wait for an answer, but her expression communicated her outrage.
"You are trying to ruin the reputation of an officer who, for over thirty years, has given everything to the LAPD, honoring the rules and policies and making sure everyone else did the same. I don't know what's going through your head, but you have no damn right to judge her. Sharon Raydor has more integrity in her little finger than you will be able to come up with in your entire life. So, unless you can come up with any respectful and relevant questions, I'm outta here."
Turning on his heel, he was halfway to the door when Lim spoke again, convincing him that she really was stupid.
"For someone who claims to be only friends with her, you're awfully protective of your Captain. Seems like you're a bit touchy when it comes to her and sex. Why's that, I wonder."
Andy whirled around, ready to advance on her, but Hobbs stopped him with a calming hand on his arm, shaking her head slightly the same way Sharon did when he was about to fly off the handle. It didn't do much to calm him, but she managed to keep him from wrapping his hands around Lim's neck.
"What's wrong with you? You've sat here for the last half hour and listened to the details of what she's been through. You've seen the pictures of her injuries and gone over the other evidence. How can you even think any of those things you're suggesting? How can you believe any of the crap that's coming outta your mouth? You're a woman, for god's sake. Don't you have any compassion? Or at least some common sense and decency?"
Shaking his head in frustration, he ran his hands through his hair as he drew a deep breath and let it out slowly, his voice losing some of its volume when he continued.
"You know what, you're right. I do care a great deal about her. Maybe more than I should, but I am her friend, because that's what she needs me to be. With everything she's been through, she doesn't need some idiot alcoholic trying to get into her pants and that's fine with me. Maybe that's something you can't comprehend, but I love her so much that it doesn't matter that she might never be able to let me be more than her friend. I will still be by her side and I'll always be protective of her and take offense when someone tries to question her conduct in such an outrageous way, because that's what friendship and loyalty is all about. But I guess you wouldn't know anything about that. I'm done here now. If you've got any more questions, you can talk to my union rep."
Giving Hobbs a short nod, Andy stalked out of the conference room, slamming the door behind him.
When Gloria started to complain to her about the way she had just been spoken to, Andrea just held up her hand and shook her head. She simply had no words for the younger woman. The things she had said, the accusations she had thrown at the Lieutenant and the manner in which she had addressed him had been so far beyond inappropriate that she wondered how Flynn had managed to control his temper so well. If she had to listen to one more word out of that woman's mouth, Hobbs knew she would say something she would regret so she just glared at her and warned her off, her voice full of all the contempt and rage she had inside her.
"Don't. Just… Don't."
With that, she turned around to leave the room. As she stood in the open door, she faced Gloria once more with one last piece of advice.
"If I were you, I wouldn't show my face around here for a while."
Maybe she closed the door with a little more force than strictly necessary, but her anger needed some sort of outlet. As for Gloria, despite her recommendation to stay away from Major Crimes, she wouldn't mind seeing Sharon's team give her a lesson in humility.
The Murder Room was empty when she passed through on her way to the elevator, indicating that the team was either working on a case or had decided to call it a day. She was glad that there weren't any questions she had to avoid answering, because at that moment she wasn't in the mood to watch her words and it wouldn't do for Sharon's team to bear witness to the more colorful side of her vocabulary.
When she rounded a corner, she saw Lieutenant Flynn standing in the hallway close to the break room, one hand braced against the wall, bending over slightly as if he was trying to catch his breath. Rushing to his side, Andrea placed a gentle hand against his back, leaning down to get a good look at his face. His eyes were closed and he was breathing hard.
"Lieutenant, are you okay?"
When he didn't react, she grew really concerned. Hooking her arm under his free one, she made sure he wouldn't collapse in front of her as she tried to get him to look at her, tilting his head up with her hand. Slowly, he opened his eyes, his gaze slightly unfocused.
"Okay, come on, let's find you a chair."
Guiding him the few steps into the break room and to the nearest chair, Andrea pulled a glass from the cupboard and filled it with water.
"All right, drink this. It'll help you feel better."
She steadied the glass until she was sure that he could manage on his own, keeping a careful eye on him as he took small sips of the cold beverage. Once he was done, she took the glass from him and put it onto the table. Pulling a chair closer to his, she sat down and laid her hand on his arm, drawing his attention away from his fidgeting fingers.
"How are you feeling now? Have you got any chest pain?"
Still a little breathless, Andy shook his head, trying to reassure Hobbs. He knew that it was just his blood pressure acting up, which really wasn't surprising with everything that was going on. Besides, he might have forgotten to take his pills that morning – and possibly the night before, which annoyed him even more, because it was further proof of what Sharon had tried to make him understand earlier. He just couldn't see how he was supposed to focus on anything other than making sure she would be all right with the trial and everything that brought back and the added worry of people like Gloria Lim seeming to be out for her blood.
"I'm just great, Hobbs. I just spent half an hour going over events I tried very hard to forget for many years only to be subjected to a completely pointless interrogation by someone who clearly has no clue what she's doing, having to listen to her dragging my best friend's integrity and reputation through the dirt. Dammit, Sharon doesn't deserve this. She doesn't deserve any of this. How much more is she supposed to take? Apart from those few months before Stroh escaped, Sharon hasn't had a break in years – probably since that lawsuit crap over the Baylor case started. It's just one thing after another for her. She may be the strongest person I know. I mean, I saw what happened to her. I was there. I saw what that creep did to her. And then I saw her come back from it when no one thought she could. She put her life back together, managed to have a great career despite people trying to hold her back. And she did all that while raising two kids on her own with a useless drunk as a husband. The thing is, no matter how strong she is, there's a limit to how much she can deal with and I'm afraid she's reaching it and I don't know what to do. I see her fight desperately to keep it together, to keep everyone from noticing what this is doing to her and there's nothing I can do to help her. Hell, at least she lets me hold her, but I'm not doing anything. I'm not really helping. I can't make anything better for her. I just feel so damn useless."
As he yelled those last words, Andy slammed his flat hand down on the table, making the empty glass jump and wobble precariously before it settled down again. He was breathing hard, hands curled into tight fists on the tabletop, his knuckles white with the force of his grip. His sudden outburst had startled Andrea only slightly, as she had expected something like that. She had known him for many years, after all and was more than familiar with his temper. Her voice as calm and reassuring as she could manage, given the fact that she shared his concerns for Sharon, she laid a gentle hand on his wrist, feeling the tension ripple under his skin.
"Lieutenant… Andy, you're not useless. I know you're frustrated by the situation. It's hard to stand by and watch our loved ones suffer."
She just raised a challenging eyebrow when he started to protest her choice of words, effectively shutting him up. Under different circumstances, she might have found his attempt at concealing his feelings for his Captain amusing.
"Believe me, I wish I could find a way to spare her this trial, but I can't and neither can you. All we can do is try and make it easier on her by keeping unnecessary things like this interview with Gloria from her. You did that by sitting down with her in Sharon's place and you're being the friend she needs right now. Don't demand the impossible from yourself, Andy. All that will accomplish is making you sick and what kind of help do you think you'll be when you're in the hospital with a heart attack, hmm?"
Andy shook his head, shoulders slumped in defeat, his tone flat and almost lifeless.
"She doesn't need me. She never did. I'm just another addict who's messing up her life."
His morose attitude concerned her as much as his previous aggravation. Between his apparent blood pressure issues and his history with addiction, neither was good for him. What was it with men and their constant need to fix everything?
"Oh would you stop feeling sorry for yourself already? You're probably right. She doesn't need you. She is perfectly capable of getting through this on her own. That doesn't mean she wants to. I saw the two of you together earlier. She chose to let you in, to see her at her most vulnerable. Sharon wants you by her side in this, she wants you to help her through this and you are helping her more than you know. This is not about fixing it or making the situation go away. It's about being there. The worst thing you could do to her is distance yourself from her out of some misguided sense of guilt or shame or whatever you've got into your head right now. That would make you just another addict who messes up her life. Don't be just another man who walks out on her and leaves her with a broken heart. We both know you're not that kind of man. You're not like him."
His first impulse was to yell at her in anger. How could she compare him to Jack? Hot on the heels of outrage followed another wave of guilt and shame, though. Was he really so much different than the other man? He had left his own wife, after all, although things had been a little different in his case. The fact remained, however, that he had been a rotten husband who had been nothing but a disappointment to his family.
"How am I not going to screw this up? I always do in the end."
Andrea almost felt sorry for her earlier words. They had been harsh, maybe unnecessarily so, but she didn't see another way to make him understand what he was about to throw away. Usually, it wasn't her style to meddle in other people's lives like this, even if they were her friends, but she couldn't stand the idea of seeing these two hurting so much. If a little nudge from a friend could help them find their way, she would put aside her principles for a little while.
"You do what you've been doing these last few months. You love her, you don't give up on her, and you never stop trying your best. That's all she wants, Andy. She doesn't expect you to be perfect. Just be yourself and be there."
He snorted before his eyes met hers, his expression a mixture of doubt and relief.
"Be myself, huh? I guess I can do that."
Smiling at him encouragingly, she decided to give him one more piece of advice, something she knew would be extremely important to Sharon.
"Good. And make sure that you don't forget to take care of yourself in all of this. It's okay to need time to yourself occasionally."
He nodded, giving her a self-deprecating smile as he replied, "Yeah, I'm working on that."
They both got up and moved towards the door. As they were about to part ways in the hall, Andy cleared his throat, studying his shoes for a moment, before he met her gaze.
"Thank you, Andrea. For your honesty and your support. And I'm sorry if I made a mess earlier with Lim. It's just…"
She held up a hand, a smile tugging at one corner of her mouth.
"Don't worry about her. She had it coming. I'll call her boss and talk to him about her behaviour. Someone's got to stop her before she upsets someone with less restraint than you showed today. We'll find a way to address the City Attorney's concerns in a more appropriate manner – without Gloria. But that can wait a few days."
Andy nodded, relieved to know that Andrea was on their side and confident that she would find a way to deal with this issue without dragging anyone's reputation through the dirt. With a few last parting words, they went their separate ways. As he picked up his keys and wallet from his desk drawer, Andy already felt a lot better. He had needed to vent his anxiety, his doubts and fears and, although unexpected, Hobbs had been the ideal person to listen and then give him the verbal slap he had required. She certainly didn't pull her punches.
Making his way to the elevator, he pulled out his phone and texted Sharon that the interview had gone okay and that he was off to his meeting now, promising to let her know when he was done. Her reply came when he had just slipped into his car and it caused a happy smile to spread over his face and a pleasant warmth to settle inside his stomach. Maybe the day wouldn't be a complete waste after all.
TBC