A/N: I'm sorry this chapter has taken so long to get updated. Life took a hold of me LOL.. I'll try to do better. And it's REALLY short comparitively. I just kinda wanted to give a filler. Part 11 won't take me as long to put up. I promise.
Part 10: Mourning
Florence, Italy
I hadn't moved. Not a muscle, not anything since I had moved to the window overlooking Florence almost twenty-four hours before. My eyes had seen the sun rise; fly across the sky, then set again. My eyes had seen it, but my mind had not.
Mourning had finally found me.
My family had been great, noticing my shifting mood and leaving me alone like I needed. I overheard them saying something about going back to their rooms, but I wasn't really listening. I was too far gone for that.
I was thinking... thinking about what I was going to do whenever I reached the Volturi, what I was going to do to Alec and Jane, what would happen to me afterwards...
I was thankful, very much so, that my family could not read my thoughts as I could theirs. They would try to stop me if they could.
I wanted to die.
I realized that I had probably been in some sort of shock in the days that had followed my Bella's death. Not long ago the veil had begun thinning and the pain seeping through. By now, it was almost unbearable. Watching my family-together with their soul mates- and me alone again, it was harder than I had imagined. Only Emmett was without Rosalie and that was simply because of her anger. She would get over it... he still had her. Not truly alone like me. Yes, it was much more difficult than I could have ever dreamed being without her.
While I stood looking at the city, seeing nothing, I came up with a plan... my own plan which differed from Jasper's on only two key points. Point one; I wasn't going to beg the Volturi to kill me. I wouldn't give them the pleasure of that after what they did to me. I would make sure my family was safe and accounted for before I took care of point two-- I wasn't going to come out of the battle in one piece. I didn't want to.
Mixed in between my formulating plans, images of Bella flashed though my mind. She had been so beautiful. So full of life. She had been so good with Charleigh, even though I knew she never had any desire to be a mother. Charleigh and my grandson Anthony were reasons to exist, but I could never let them see me like this... they had no idea of me being a vampire and I would keep it that way. I had already left a good-bye note for her.
I was so caught up within myself that I didn't hear my hotel door open or someone ease up beside of me. It was only when he spoke that I realized I wasn't alone, at least not in my room.
"I would ask you if you were ok, but the answer is already written on your face." Carlisle sighed, standing vertical to me, his hands dug deep into his pockets. There weren't many times in his life where he didn't know what exactly to say. This was one of them.
"I'm fine." I lied.
"I'm not." his admission took me by surprise, not an easy task for a mind reader. Carlisle noted my confusion and started to clarify. I could hear his thoughts ahead of him, but out of courtesy I only answered his spoken words. "You see," he began, "I loved Bella too you know. I loved her like another daughter. I feel as though I've lost a child. Esme feels the same... only it's harder for her. It reminds her so much of losing the child she lost before. She is trying to hold it in, hold it together, as am I." He paused to clear his throat. "I'm afraid I'm not doing a very good job."
"You're doing fine." I replied, the slight bit of bitterness in my voice took me aback. Not wanting to do this now, I turned and walked away, afraid if I talked about my feelings, I would lost what little composure I had mustered to pull together from God knows where.
"I'm telling you this-" he called out from behind me. I could feel his eyes on my back, pleading for something. "- because we couldn't, can't, bear losing another child."
His words froze me. I stopped, turned my head slightly to him, but didn't let myself fully look at him. "Did Alice see something?" I asked innocently. Truth was, I hadn't been listening to their thoughts. They just sounded like a dull roar. I hadn't cared to single any one of them out.
I could feel the tension radiating off of him. "Yes." he said simply, his voice hard and afraid. I drew in a breath and closed my eyes. The near confirmation that maybe, just maybe, I wouldn't make it out of this "alive" calmed me rather than upset me. Death would provide me with one of two possibilities: One, I would be allowed to see Bella again, if what Bella and Carlisle believed was actually true... about me possibilty have a soul and being 'good'. Or Two, I'd be in Hell, away from any painful reminder of her. Maybe the human side would blissfully slip away, leaving only the demon. Hell was where demons belonged after all.
I turned to Carlisle and shrugged. "Alice has been wrong before."
He carefully walked to me, not touching me for some reason; like he was afraid I would take off, like I was that tightly wound. "I don't think she is this time. You are looking for it, aren't you Edward?"
I looked away from him, not able to stand looking into his pain filled eyes. His fatherly thoughts were saturating my mind, beginning to wane on my resolve and truthfully tear me apart. I looked for any reason to escape him. "We'd better go." I forced a brief, half-hearted grin and walked away again.
"Please just think of your mother. Before you do something you can't take back."
I paused and lowered my head. I didn't speak for countless seconds, giving myself time to compose myself and not breakdown. "What would you do, Carlisle? If it were Esme. What would you do?"
He gave me the courtesy of thinking on it carefully. "I would weigh all of my options, Edward, before I did something hasty and rash."
"I already have." I shot back, leaving the room before he could say anything more.
A/N: There are 2 more chapters to this story. The next chapter is a build up (with a small twist) and the last chapter is a big ole fight. I hope you stick around to read them.