Chapter 11: Broken
Last night all I thought about was Gage. Did I do the right thing, should I have kissed him? I mean don't get me wrong that kiss was amazing, but I don't think it should have happened. Great just another thing I screwed up on, why cant I just be perfected? I couldn't let one kiss get to me though, it was nothing just an experiment I think, oh god I cant face Josh or Gage. Whatever I do I cannot tell Josh, he will be so crushed and disappointed and I cant let that happen again. Today is a new day. I kept telling myself that over and over until there was a knock on the door.
"Who is it?" I asked.. Please don't be Gage, I cant deal with you right now.
"It's Gage." he said.
GREAT!! JUST WHAT I NEED!!
"Ummm come in." I said getting up from bed and walking across the room towards the window to be as far away from him as possible, without actually jumping out the window.
"Morning." he said with a big smile as he walked in.
"Hey." I said trying not to sound uncomfortable.
He gave my a smile and walked over to my bed and sat down. There was a long very awkward silence between us. I was not about to break it, all I did was stare out the window at all the people walking and all the leaves falling from the trees.
"So, do you wanna get back to where we were yesterday?" he asked breaking the silence.
"Excuse me?" I asked clearly confused.
"About what happened with Josh yesterday, remember I had to leave. We never got to finish with that situation." he said.
"Oh right, that." I said.
"Are you ok?" he asked me, noticing my obvious discomfort.
"Yea. Am totally fine. Do I not look fine?" I asked
"No I mean I was just asking. I mean you look great, umm so about yesterday." he said blushing slightly and looking at the ground.
"Thanks. So yea yesterday that was basically all that happened, but it was just weird cuz he kissed me on my forehead and not my lips like usual." I told him.
"Mhm… Ok look about last night.." he said.
"Can we just forget what happened last night? Please?" I asked him.
"What.. Umm sure yea just forget about it. Right." he said looking at me then to the ground then back to me again.
I knew he wasn't going to forget about it. When I told him to forget about it he looked so hurt I could handle it. So I got up and went over to him and sat next to him.
"Look I just I mean we are really good friends and I don't wanna ruin that with a relationship and then there's Josh. I just don't know…" I said.
"S'ok. For now we are really good friends, and I don't wanna hurt that or your relationship with Josh. So friends is a good idea." he said
Even though he said this I knew he was hurting inside. I just broke his heart.
"So lets talk about you now. Yesterday you told me you were in love with someone, I think you should tell me who." I said to him trying to lighten the mood.
"You." is all he said. Then he got up and walked out of my room and left me sitting there all by myself. I really did just break his heart.
I got up and got ready and went to breakfast not bothering to wait for the other Billings Girls. I needed to be alone for awhile. All that kept going through my mind was what he said before he left:
"You."
"You."
"You."
"You."
"You."
I don't know how long I was sitting there alone but when I snapped out of my thoughts there were people all around getting food, talking or gossiping with friends. I scanned the cafeteria for Gage but he wasn't there, but Josh was walking straight toward me with all smiles. When he got to me he bent down and kissed me and said good morning but I was speechless, I really couldn't say anything.
"Reed?"
"Hello, Reed?"
"Reed your scaring me."
"Reed, are you ok?"
"What yea am fine, I just…" I trailed off when I saw Gage walked in, hand-in-hand with Ivy Slade.
WTF!!?? What's going on, didn't he just confess his feelings for me and now he's with Ivy.
"Reed? You just what?" Josh asked.
"Sorry, I just didn't sleep well last night." I told him.
"Oh." is all he said.
I knew he could sense something was wrong. He kept watching me like at anytime am going to faint or fall over. He leaned towards me and said;
"Have I told you I love you lately?" he asked.
"I believe the last time was yesterday but it feels good hearing it again." I said.
"Well I love you." he said looking directly into my eyes.
"I love you too." I said back without breaking eye contact.
I could feel someone staring at me and I knew who it was too. So I though SCREW Gage, and kissed Josh right there and it is a kiss I will never forget.