Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. Or Edward – Or Robert – Damn it.

Closer

EPOV

What the fuck was I thinking?

Maybe I wasn't, and that was the problem.

No, I was thinking entirely too much.

I was avoiding Bella like the plague, and it was all because I was a fucking pansy and afraid to talk to her after the rocky way that first night had gone. What was I doing anyway? Sitting in my room and wasting my time while Jasper and Emmett were busy with Alice and Rose. I ventured that Bella was probably doing the same: wasting her vacation while her friends were having the time of their lives.

When I thought about that night, I felt such a strange sense of confusion. I wished I could see inside Bella's mind so I could figure out what was really going on in that head of hers. It was like no matter what I did, I wasn't going to be able to have a civil conversation with her. I had tried to small talk and converse like a normal person and she had been antagonistic all night. I know I'd been kind of a prick when she lost her balance in the lobby, but was she really going to hold a grudge over that shit? It looked like it.

I sat there, watching her in all her feisty and argumentative glory and loved it. She was truly gorgeous when her cheeks were flushed, a mix of the alcohol she had practically inhaled and anger. Hell, she was really fucking gorgeous anyway. I had no idea why she was so mad, so confrontational, but it looked good on her. I had to admit that I wanted to see her with all those guards down—sweet and smiling and just pretty as fuck. Maybe that was why I kept at the conversation, even when she bashed all men and responded to everything I said with an attitude. Besides, it wasn't like I wasn't throwing it right back at her, once she started it. I figured she could handle it.

Which meant she could handle me.

And that shit scared the hell out of me.

In the back of my mind, I kept thinking about Angela and how we had seemed to click. I knew the one problem with our relationship—and it was a big fucking problem—was that I quelled my personality for her. If I didn't have to do that with Bella—if she could handle my mouth and my attitude and my general abrasiveness, at least at face value—then maybe she was really it for me.

I wasn't so sure I was ready for that.

Did that make me a weak individual? Maybe. But I also knew that without meaning to, Angela had ripped my heart out, cut it into pieces and then stomped on it for good measure. It had taken me a long ass time to readily admit that I was scared of getting hurt again. I knew Jazz and Emmett knew, but neither of them said anything about it to me. So, I kept that shit to myself and waited for it to dissipate.

My inhibitions regarding Angela were what made me fuck up royally that night.

We were standing around and Bella shouted out that she needed a drink, but all of us knew better. She was wasted beyond belief. I remember wondering how someone so small could drink as much as she had and still function. When I said, "Are you sure, sweetheart?" my voice sounded snide and mean, which was not what I was going for, but I had been battling thoughts of Angela all night in the back of my mind and I was feeling strained.

When Bella moved toward me, pointing at me in an accusatory manner, her hair flew around over her shoulder and for a second, she reminded me so much of my ex that I froze. Just … froze. Their personalities were nothing alike and really, the only similarities in their looks was the long hair and the big brown eyes, but still, I stood there like a damn statue, unable to move. Meanwhile, Bella fell to the floor and when I recovered from the momentary shock, I glanced at her on the ground and started laughing hysterically.

I knew that shit had confused Emmett and Jazz—and I didn't even want to think about what Alice and Rose thought of me, much less Bella. But I was so fucking lost that all I could do was laugh. Of course I'd find a girl when I really wasn't looking. Of course, in my fucked up brain, she would remind me so intensely of Angela that it would dredge up my brokenhearted memories. Of course I'd act like a dick and ruin my shot with her. I wanted to turn to Emmett and ask him to fucking punch me. I needed to snap out of whatever the hell was wrong with me.

And then, Bella had laughed. It sounded almost maniacal, like she was at a loss regarding how to better respond. I was relatively positive that she was pissed at me and I supposed she had a right to be. But like Emmett had said later that night, I had to fix this. Whatever this was. I had to have a shot with Bella. I had to. It was not a negotiable thing. I was drawn to her for a million reasons and I had to make this happen. I had to show her the real me. The one I'd been hiding the entire time she had been in Tahoe.

When the three of us had been sitting around Jazz's room, I had suffered from a little verbal diarrhea. I hadn't meant to babble out my frustrations and I most definitely hadn't meant to say I thought Bella was, quite possibly, the most beautiful woman I had ever seen. But I had, and Jasper had asked me, "Do you think she's the most beautiful girl in the world, Edward?" I seized up, a familiar sensation pulling on my heart, and I knew I had it bad for this girl if I was verbally spewing my deepest emotions about her without thinking. So, I didn't respond. I knew they'd take that as a yes, and that was fine because that was the truth. No one held a candle to this girl. The more I looked at her that night, the more I realized that Angela paled in comparison with her, and Angela was by no means unattractive. Bella was like a goddess or some shit, as ridiculous as that sounds. Having said all that, I was really thankful that they had changed the subject when I asked.

I left them there shortly after, and returned to my room to sulk. It sounded fucking ridiculous, I know, but I didn't know what else to do. I spent the rest of that night thinking about Bella and her gorgeous eyes, her shiny, thick hair and her perfect lips. I thought about her all night. She even made her way into my dreams, and when I awoke the next morning, I felt even more like shit for fucking up the first night I'd spent with her. I knew I had only been a dickhead in response to her abrasiveness, and surely I could have been more graceful about it. I also knew that Angela in the back of my mind wasn't a good excuse for freezing, but there was nothing I could do about that.

So there I was, sitting in my room in silence and jealous as fuck that Jasper and Emmett's vacations were going infinitely better than mine.

I wanted to see Bella. I'd been avoiding her like she had some sort of communicable disease because I didn't know what to say and because I felt like a supreme asshole. I had to apologize. I had to make it up to her. I had to make her see the real me.

I was nervous as hell to do it. No one had seen the sweet, thoughtful, sensitive side of me since Angela. I had carefully hidden it away. Fucking self preservation.

Well self preservation be damned. Bella was different.

Suddenly, the best idea I had had in the week and a half that Bella, Rose and Alice had been in Tahoe came to me.

I stood up and ran a hand through my hair and then changed out of my pajamas. I pulled on a pair of jeans and a black pullover sweater, and then slipped on my Nikes.

I knew Emmett and Rose were probably off somewhere fornicating like rabbits, and that Jasper and Alice were basically in love already. Meanwhile, Bella was alone like I was. I didn't like that, but I could change it.

I knew what room she was in. I could go and try to coax her out and then try to open myself up so she could see the real me. I wasn't an asshole. I wanted to prove it to her.

When I went to the elevator, I pressed the button for her floor and there it was again. My heart pounded so loudly, I thought it might rip my chest open. I was so fucking nervous that I couldn't adequately explain it. In fact, my nerves were so bad that when the elevator door opened, I actually stood there slack jawed for a moment while I tried to convince myself to move my feet.

The walk down the hallway seemed to take forever, and when I got to her room, I froze again, but only for a minute. Softly, I knocked on her door and prayed with everything in me that she wouldn't slam it in my face. My heart was pounding in my chest the whole time and I wondered if I could even speak properly.

When she opened the door, I heard the television in the background, with some fucking lame ass Lifetime movie on. When I saw her, I felt my stomach tie itself into knots. She was in sweats and a midnight blue tank top, and her hair was all around her shoulders, cascading down her chest and back. Her face was void of any make up, and when I glanced over her shoulder I could see that candy wrappers were strewn all over the bed along with a few bottles from the bar I knew was hidden in a cabinet in her room. So that was how she was spending her days—raiding the mini bar and appeasing her sweet tooth. It sounded better than the way I was wasting the days: mentally kicking my own ass for acting like a prick. I glanced down and grinned internally … of course her feet were fucking adorable. When I looked back up, her eyes were endless and brown and I swallowed hard, trying to remember to speak.

She was fucking beautiful.

I knew I must have caught her off guard, because when she spoke, she looked confused. "Edward? What are you doing here?"

It's now or never, I thought to myself.

"Alice and Rose are out with Jazz and Emmett, right?" I asked, more nervous that I thought possible. Somehow, my voice was smooth and normal. I cleared my throat.

She nodded and her jaw was set. She wasn't entirely pleased to see me. "Yes. Why?"

Now or never, I repeated in my head. "I was just … I don't want you to sit around here bored and alone. So, I wondered if you wanted to go to the café and … um … well …" Fuck, I sound like a bumbling idiot.

She crossed her arms. "Spend the evening with you?" she finished for me.

"Um. Yeah." I regained a little of my composure and shot her a smile. "I'll be nice, I promise," I said quietly.

Something seemed to unnerve her, because she let her arms fall and looked at me with a furrowed brow. "You mean like right now?" she asked and her voice was only a little steely. I nodded. "But I'm not dressed."

"You look beautiful," I replied, suddenly struck with another case of verbal diarrhea

I watched as something coursed through her depthless eyes. She looked taken aback. "I … thank you," she mumbled.

"Really, Bella," I began, feeling a little more confident that I could talk her into spending her time with me. "I'll go back to my room and put my pajamas on if you don't feel like getting dressed. This place is casual. No one will care." Least of all me, I thought. Please come with me. Please, I begged internally.

She seemed to think for a moment. Her face was a mask of calm, but I could see the gears turning behind her eyes and all the while, I sent up prayers to whatever god was listening that she'd go along with my request and come with me. Finally, she coughed lightly and said, "No, I'll get dressed. You wait out here." Her voice was different somehow. Softer. Quiet.

I wanted to step into her room and hold her all night. I wanted to kiss her and breathe her in. But that was a bit much for the moment, so I simply replied, "Sure. I'll be here."

When she turned away from me and closed the door, I let out a sigh of relief and leaned against the wall. My breath came out in a whoosh and I felt my stomach untie, and my nerves begin to disappear a little. I started planning the evening. We'd go to the café and grab a few appetizers. We'd have a drink. We'd hang out in the lounge. I wanted to spend the entire night with her, and only her.

I was staring at the floor when she came back out and when I looked at her, she looked as anxious as I felt. She had changed into those delectable jeans and had pulled a hoodie on over her tank top with a pair of Converse sneakers. Beautiful, of course. I shoved my hand through my hair and smiled at her. "Thank you, Bella," I said quietly. She nodded and I gingerly placed my hand on the small of her back and led her in the direction of the elevator.

It was awkwardly quiet on the way down to the first floor. She stood on one side of the elevator and I stood on the other. We didn't speak. I was racking my brain, making a list of things I could talk to her about that weren't inflammatory. Once again, I wished I could know what she was thinking. Was she questioning coming with me this evening? It had seemed almost too easy to get her to come with me. For a moment, I wondered if she had been waiting for me to make a move. No, you're not that lucky, I told myself. But still, I hoped. I really fucking hoped.

The elevator dinged as we arrived at the first floor and I felt compelled to link my arm in hers, but chose not to. One step at a time, I thought. "It's to the right," I said.

We walked in silence and I wondered if I should attempt to talk to her and then she surprised me by bringing up a topic that I was not expecting. "Do they have hot wings here?"

I grinned. "Yeah. They're pretty good. We'll order some."

"Great, I'm fucking starving," she said. Oh, how I loved her dirty little mouth.

I motioned toward a table by the fireplace and we sat down. Bella looked at the menu and I said, "So, hot wings. Anything else look good?"

She perused the menu. We would order whatever she wanted. I was just happy she'd agreed to give me a shot this evening. "Potato skins, and a beer," she answered, and I realized that was exactly what Jasper and I would have ordered if we were watching a football game. I didn't think it was possible for Bella to seem even more amazing in my eyes, but the thought of her being a guy's girl was a complete turn on.

The waitress came over and we ordered and when she walked away, I said, "Hot wings and beer? You might be the coolest girl I've ever met."

She smiled and the effect was fucking phenomenal. Her whole face lit up and I was reminded of my desire earlier to see her without her walls up. Fucking gorgeous. "You should amend that statement," she said.

"How so?" I asked as the waitress deposited our beers in front of us.

She sipped her beer and, when she put it back on the table, grinned. "I am the coolest girl ever. Alice and Rose are a close second, though."

I laughed. "Ok, then." I was starting to feel really comfortable with her, like maybe I had an actual chance with her and the thought alone made me giddy, like a fucking little girl. "So, how long have you known Alice?"

She took another long draught of her beer before responding. "Alice and I have been friends our whole lives. Seriously. We grew up together."

"Sounds like Jazz and me," I replied. "We've been friends since we were five years old."

She nodded. "It seemed like it the other night."

The waitress came then, her timing impeccably bad, and put our wings and potato skins on the table. "Thanks," I said to her, hoping she'd get the hint that she was intruding. She nodded and walked away. "Bella," I said, suddenly ridiculously nervous. "About that night …"

I could see the annoyance begin to manifest in her face and I knew I had to get this out quickly. "I didn't mean to let you fall. I really didn't. It wasn't intentional, I just froze. Call it a psychological mindfuck, but that's what happened. And I wasn't … I mean, I don't want you to think I was laughing at you. I was laughing at myself and my real fucking inadequacies."

She crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes at me. "Oh yeah? Well, I was pretty fucking pissed that night but I wasn't laughing at you either."

I had figured as much, but I didn't say that. "Bella, look," I began, my voice quieter. "I will get on one knee if that's what it takes, but please accept my apology. I'm really sorry, and even if I was having issues that night, I owe you a profuse apology. It had nothing to do with you."

She looked at me evenly. "You really mean that?" I nodded. "Alright. But don't fucking be an asshole. I don't have time for that shit. Besides, I wasn't exactly nice to you that night and it wasn't your fault I reacted that way. I have my own issues to deal with."

Internally, I was jumping for joy, but I knew I had to play it cool. "Thanks, Bella. Really. I'll make it up to you tonight, I promise." I smiled and realized that I suddenly felt completely relieved. The funk I'd been walking around in for a week had melted away and I was really fucking glad to have a chance at a new beginning with this girl.

"So," she said. "You and Jasper have been friends forever. That's cool." Clearly, she was ready to move beyond our false start, so I moved with her.

From that point on, we talked about whatever happened to come up. She was really witty, and I found myself laughing a lot. We discussed music, art, and travel. The reason why I was in Tahoe was brought up, along with my brother Emmett, and a plethora of other topics. I had to admit that the fact that she didn't cringe at my overzealous potty mouth—that she could actually rival me—was a real fucking turn on, along with five million other things about her. She was also really smart and I learned that she was a semester away from graduating. She was the furthest thing from vapid.

In short, Bella appeared to be everything I had been looking for.

When the food was gone, I looked at her and started praying again that she'd say yes to what I was about to ask. "Are you up for a little more time with me?" I asked, and I noticed that this time, her eyes were bright and alive. There was no longer confusion looking back at me. No anger. Just interest. And that excited me to no end.

She leaned forward, her elbows on the table and looked up at me through her long, thick eyelashes. I swear, I couldn't breathe for a minute, she was so beautiful. "What did you have in mind, Edward?"

I swallowed hard and found my voice. My name on her lips was amazing. I liked the sound of it. "I thought I'd take you to the lounge."

"It's closed, isn't it? I mean, it's like 10:30, right?" she asked.

I smiled. "Yeah, the downstairs lounge is closed. I was referring to the employee lounge on the top floor."

A look of approval crossed her face. "Let's go," she said. "Should we call the waitress over to pay?"

"Nah - Jazz and I have an open tab since we're interns here."

"Oh," she replied. "Alright, let's go."

I waved to the staff and walked out with her and this time, I linked my arm in hers and she didn't pull away. In the elevator, it was quiet again, but this time it was comfortable and I didn't have to worry about her running for cover. When the doors opened, I looked down at her and she said, "Lead the way."

I walked her down the hallway and stopped just before the door. I pushed it open and said, "This is it." I wanted to see her reaction, so I let her walk in before me.

Jasper and I had nearly pissed our pants when we saw the employee lounge for the first time. It was huge, and had a wall of windows so that the mountains and terrain were all you could see. The fact that it was on the top floor, across the hallway from the penthouses helped immensely. Bella walked in and immediately froze. "This is the employee lounge? Jesus, this is fucking amazing!" She rushed forward, toward the window, and turned back to me.

I walked toward her, taking in her wide smile and was glad all over again that I'd grown a pair and asked her to spend the evening with me. "Pick a seat," I said.

She looked around and moved to sit in an overstuffed chair near the window. I sat in the one next to her, and we started talking again. We'd been sitting there just enjoying being together, when she looked at me with an intense curiosity. "What?" I asked.

"You don't have to answer," she said quickly.

"Answer what?"

She cleared her throat and turned her body toward me in her chair. Then, she pulled one leg underneath her and the other into her chest. "What made you freeze that night? I mean, you seem pretty balanced now … it's not bothering you tonight." I had caught her mild sarcasm and attempted to smile at her.

I took a deep breath. "No, it's ok. I'll tell you." I laughed lightly. "Time for Deep Thoughts with Edward." She looked at me and raised her eyebrows slightly. She really wanted to know. So, I told her. "You remind me a lot of my ex. Only in the good ways, mind you, but you remind me of her. It's not like I'm sitting here scrutinizing you to see how much you can remind me of her, but the comparison is there." I paused and cleared my throat. I was suddenly nervous again. "She left me for her high school sweetheart and it really fucked me up for a while." Bella looked at me, a mix of sadness and discomfort on her face so I rushed through the rest of my explanation. "Her name was Angela. And I'm totally over that shit, but seeing you, and thinking about you, well it made me think of her, sort of indirectly. Sorry about that."

She pursed her lips. "You were thinking about me?"

Oops. I hadn't meant to admit that quite yet, so I nodded meekly in response to her question. "Ever since I saw you in the lobby. I guess I should apologize for being a dick then, too."

She shook her head. "What were you thinking about me?"

Mythroat closed up. I was as nervous as the first time I'd had sex. I couldn't make myself speak. She looked at me, her face patient and waiting. "What wasn't I thinking about you?" I mumbled.

"What?" she asked, leaning towards me.

"What wasn't I thinking about you, Bella? You're pretty much the first girl I've thought seriously about in a year. You're funny and you can hold your own … And fuck me, you're not only really beautiful, but you are definitely the coolest girl I've ever had the pleasure of knowing."

My voice fell away and I just looked at her.

The brown of her eyes was on fire. I wanted to reach across the small space between us and kiss her. I wanted to get lost in her eyes. I wanted to do anything she asked.

Silently, she moved to stand and walked toward the window wall, and I thought, "Smooth move, dipshit. You probably just scared her away." I considered what I should do next. I could stay in my seat and let her think, or I could go to her and ask her. I chose the latter.

I walked up behind her and touched her lightly on the shoulder. "Bella?" I asked, and my voice was so quiet, it was almost inaudible.

She turned immediately to face me and whispered, "Do you mean that?"

"I do," I answered her honestly, my voice just as quiet as hers.

The air was suddenly thick with emotion. I felt like I could scoop it up and carry it with me when we left the room. She moved almost imperceptibly closer to me, and started to move her hand to my face, but stopped at the last minute. She glanced above my head, and my eyes followed her line of sight. Above us, there was a garland strung it loops from the ceiling, and mistletoe hung there. It was really fucking cliché, but I took my cue from the cheesy décor.

Now or Never, I thought for the third and final time that night. The idea of kissing Bella made my stomach knot up again and I knew she could tell. She looked at me and I could tell she was not expecting this kind of a reaction. I was stalling, looking deep into the pools of her eyes and then, finally started moving toward her.

I stopped for a moment just before I reached her lips and whispered, "You are fucking amazing."

The feeling of her lips on mine was almost too much. They were so soft, supple, and just … perfect. It started off slow, but when she snaked her arms around my neck I wrapped my arm around her waist, pulling her thin frame against mine. I leveraged us by putting my free hand on the window, and when I felt her tongue gently pressing for entrance against my lips, I removed that hand and gently pushed it into the hair along the nape of her neck.

She moved backwards, keeping her lips on mine, until she was leaning against a wall. When we arrived there, she pulled away only slightly and placed her delicate hands on either side of my face. Her eyes were dark with emotion, and I let her pull me to her. We kissed again, our tongues in a steady rhythm, and she pushed a hand behind my head, knotting it in the hair there. By that point, her hips were pressed against me and I had both arms wrapped around her, holding her to me.

I kept my eyes trained on her and she searched mine for something. I didn't know what she was looking for.

"You are nothing like I thought you were," she whispered.

"I'm glad," I replied quietly.

"Me too," she responded simply.

We stood that way, looking at each other for a few minutes and then the clock struck two. Had we really been together since seven? The time had flown.

She sighed. "I guess we should be getting back …" This time it was her voice that fell away. I could hear that she didn't really want to leave. Neither did I. I literally thought I could stand with her like this forever, which was quite a fucking accomplishment, since I had been paralyzed by my memories just a week ago.

I nodded. "You're probably right," I mumbled.

She gently pushed her way out of my arms and started to walk out of the room, but after a step, came back to me and extended her hand. I took it, and she intertwined her fingers with mine while we walked in silence all the way down the hall. Our hands were clasped together throughout the entire elevator ride and through the walk to her door. She pulled her key card out of her back pocket and smiled up at me. "I had a fucking fabulous time tonight," she said.

"So did I," I replied, uncertain what I should say next.

"You're not so bad, Cullen," she joked and pushed herself up on her tip toes to kiss my cheek. "I'll see you later?"

I nodded. "Most definitely. You didn't think tonight was a one time deal, did you?" I smiled, glad we could banter back and forth like this.

She shook her head and her voice was serious. I look that resembled resolve appeared on her face. "It better fucking not be." She slid the key card in and released my hand. "Good night, Edward."

The sound of my name on her lips made me tingle again. I felt like a fucking prepubescent teenage boy around her, but I loved every second of it. "Good night, Bella," I said as I walked to the elevator.

I floated to my room and flopped onto my mattress.

I had just spent the whole fucking night with Bella. And it was amazing. Better than expected. Just … fucking perfect.

She was perfect for me. If I hadn't been convinced of it before, I definitely was after spending time with her.

I thought about things and all I could do was smile. The night had been a success on so many levels. I had apologized. I had won her forgiveness. I spent the entire night with her, and gotten to know her on some level beyond casual acquaintance. I was impressed with her intellect and how well-read she was.

The thing that sealed the deal for me was that I could be me around her. We hadn't agreed on every topic of conversation that night, but it hadn't been an issue. I had aired my opinions and thoughts honestly. I had cursed like a sailor, as usual. But never—not even for a second—did I feel compelled to edit myself for content. Bella allowed me to be who I was, and that was the one thing I had never felt comfortable doing around Angela. I was utterly comfortable with her.

I had to be with her.

I didn't know what that would entail. I didn't know what her past was like, or what her romantic history entailed. I had no idea where she lived, as we hadn't talked about it, but I earnestly hoped that she lived near Seattle, so that we could continue this when the Winter Break was over. The thought of my life without Bella stung like a motherfucker. In one night, she had secured her place in my life, and I wouldn't be able to function properly without her.

It was then I realized that for the first time in a long time, I was falling in love. It was strange and unfamiliar, but I had no intention of fighting it.

I smiled to myself as I thought about just being with her, and that was the last thought I had before passing out into the most restful sleep I'd had in months.

A/N: Yes, this is AHelm. That was long. I know. You love it.

Oh, and also… See, we told you Edward wasn't an asshole. That is all.

Reviews are amazing and we love them. Hit that button right heeeeere …