In Chapter Eleven: Some stuff about the swords and Harry and Sev make up and hang out together and go shopping. Harry and Sev's relationship progresses in a nice way. Language Warning: For Sev's response to seeing snow.
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Chapter Eleven - After The Storm
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Harry woke feeling warm, though his head felt fuzzy and he was so exhausted he didn't even want to lift his head to see where he was. He could tell where he was anyway, he could feel it and smell it. He could have cried with knowing. The surface he lay on was soft and warm and rose and fell gently. He could hear a heart beat and smell the familiar scent. Whatever had happened in between, he had ended up lying on his front, draped over Severus, inside their sleeping bag with Severus' arms wrapped around him. They lay as if Severus had been cradling Harry in his arms and he had lain back pulling Harry down with him. It was probably what had happened, Harry thought, he had no idea how late it was but Severus had probably become tired waiting for him to come round. He had made sure he would be safe first.
Harry thought of what Severus must have done so soon after their biggest fall out yet. They had been outside and fully clothed, now they were warm and everything was neatly laid on top of them as if it were any other night. He knew from before, from what people had told him, that he thrashed about as if in a fit when he was having a vision. He cringed at the thought of Severus having to see him like that. Harry knew that he had often become violent depending on the vision's intensity. In addition to this was what Severus must have done to stop him scratching his forehead to bits. He didn't know the details, nobody ever seemed to want to talk about it afterwards, looking embarrassed and frightened and retreating from him when he woke, when he was his self again. Even Ron usually took a few days to get over it and he had been his best friend. Nobody had ever held him like Severus did. Severus would endure anything, he would never leave, he would look after him, never cease to be his Kin, but no wonder he looked so tired.
Harry wondered if he could stay awake long enough so that Severus wouldn't be able to run away from him as soon as he woke in the morning. Harry looked at his Kin, lying propped up on his rucksack the strain of the previous day still evident on his face. Harry thought he could hardly bear to wait any longer or run the risk of falling asleep again, he was so tired. Maybe he would wake Severus under some pretext, and then they could fall asleep again together. But what excuse could he use? Maybe, he had heard something outside, Harry considered.
'Why don't you try the truth?' The voice inside Harry's head led him.
Harry smiled at the strange intrusion.
"Yes." Harry whispered to himself. "Wakey wakey Sev, it's the middle of the night, but I just thought I would wake you up because…what exactly? A hug, because I want a hug, and to know that we are all right, and a kiss, hmm, nice yummy kiss."
"Hmm?" A voice said sleepily beneath Harry.
Where had he got the idea that Severus would be able to sleep deeply under such circumstances? Harry reached a hand up to Severus' hair and stroked it like he often did. Severus was soothed by Harry's touch and appeared to go back to sleep.
Harry pulled himself up a bit, having an idea. He reached into to his rucksack and unearthed the crystal ball. Sev had fallen asleep again, Harry knew, he was getting nothing from the ball at all. Harry lay on his side and took one of Severus' hands; he placed the ball in his palm and wrapped his fingers round it. Then he shuffled towards Severus pulling himself up on one elbow, making sure Severus' hand remained grasped round the ball. He then wriggled a bit to make sure Severus woke up. Then, allowing his fear to have full reign, Harry leant forward despite it, to kiss Severus lightly on the lips. Then Severus, having become awake enough to notice, opened his eyes to look at Harry. He didn't say anything, merely looked a bit bewildered. Harry brought Severus' hand, still clutching the crystal ball, up to his line of sight so that he would guess what Harry was doing. Harry then leant in for another kiss and to his relief found that Severus responded. Severus wound his fingers through Harry's hair with his free hand and they continued the embrace. Severus gripped Harry's hair a little too tightly and he couldn't help the resultant flinch. Severus felt Harry's panic through the ball and released his hold.
"I'm sorry." Harry said immediately pulling away from the kiss but not from Severus, really wanting to remain with it while Severus was losing himself in the kissing, but knowing what he must do to ensure their ongoing relationship progressed, as he would like. He didn't want Severus getting scared and withdrawing again.
"What for?" Severus whispered, resuming his attention to the stroking of Harry's head, lightly, carefully.
"I am so nervous." Harry explained. "I don't want to rush this, you are everything to me but I need you to understand. This is the first time I have felt anything anywhere near like this for anybody. The first time I have gone so far. I am sorry if you wanted more last night, it's just I have never… you know. I want you to be happy with me."
"Oh, Harry it wasn't that, please, it wasn't that. Don't worry, I will not rush you." Severus said kissing Harry again. "It was just old stupid memories. It's all right Harry, I understand."
'Hmm', thought Harry darkly, 'you certainly do.'
"Promise you won't turn on me again?" Harry asked kissing Severus again. "It was like suddenly seeing a stranger in your place. Or you as you used to be, to be more precise."
"I have been very hurtful with you Harry, I hear you. You can't even guess how sorry I am." Severus said bringing his hand round to stroke Harry's cheek; Harry leant into the touch as he had seen Severus do.
"Promise me Sev. This has to change, I am not your pet, and I'm not something you can lash out at for whatever reason. I am your Kin."
"I promise." Severus said burying his head in Harry's shoulder. Harry could tell that he had shaken Severus more than he realised. However, Harry had managed to get Severus to take things easy and he had no idea that it had been done mostly for his benefit.
"Can I ask you something?" Harry asked.
"Yes, anything." Severus said hugging Harry firmly.
"Can you stay with me in the morning, not go running off before I wake up."
"Yes, of course I can." Severus said kissing Harry lightly on the forehead.
"Sev?"
"Yes?"
"Thank you for looking after me."
"You can tell me all about it in the morning." Severus said holding Harry against him and closing his eyes.
Severus didn't fall asleep immediately, however. Earlier, he had passed out from sheer exhaustion and against his better judgement. Now, as he held Harry close to him, he found he was quite awake. Having to watch Harry writhing in pain disturbed him greatly but he knew he would have to get used to it, he didn't know how he was going to achieve that. He had felt so helpless, there had been nothing he could do but hold Harry, even with the Kin Bond that didn't change. This time, however, later, they would both hold their swords, feel their shared power, and Severus hoped that he might be able to take away a portion of the aftermath, share out the emotions and memories, and help sooth Harry a little.
After a while of listening to Harry's relaxed breathing, Severus began to feel tired again. For the first time Harry and Severus slept knowingly in each other's arms with no alcohol fogging the experience.
When Harry woke again it was still dark but then it was winter now and if the sky was cloudy it might never seem to get light at all. Both Severus and Harry were lying on their side, they lay with their knees drawn up and touching, their arms draped possessively round each other but still with some space in between. Severus was asleep still and Harry lay watching him by a gentle wand glow. Harry was glad that he didn't know who had hurt his Sev, his Kin. If he ever found out who had been responsible, most likely a member of his family Harry could only assume, he would hunt them down, kill them, and take pleasure in it. He would make it his personal mission; nobody would ever lay a finger on his Kin ever again. Harry leant his head forward and as their foreheads touched Harry closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth and the proximity to his beloved Kin, his Sev.
Harry slept a while longer and when he woke again it was to the wonderful sensation of feeling Severus' hand running through his hair, a wonderfully slow and sensual touch. Harry smiled and tilted his head.
"You are like a little kitten." Severus commented.
Harry's eyes flew open. "A kitten?"
Severus was unrepentant. "Yes, I can almost hear the purr." He said fondly.
Harry glowered at Sev but he didn't mean anything by it.
"I'm going to make breakfast now, all right?" Severus said. "I remembered you wanted me to wait."
They still lay side by side; Harry snuggled into Sev, unwilling to let his warmth leave him. Severus put his arms round Harry and hugged him. "We can't lie here all day." Severus said. "I need to get you some breakfast then we'll go shopping."
"Again?" Harry asked.
"We do need to revise our supplies plan."
"Buy something different, you mean?" Harry asked smiling.
Severus sighed. "You really are getting thin Harry, I should have noticed. I don't want you to fade away to nothing. But first, what would you like for breakfast?"
"Porridge would be nice."
"I'll try and make a bit more than usual, though the pan isn't very big."
Harry leant in for a kiss and let Severus slide out from the sleeping bag. Harry pulled the covers tight around himself. Severus put his coats on and crawled to the tent opening and pulled down the zip, a drift of snow promptly avalanched into the tent.
"Oh fuck." Severus said in an uncharacteristic lapse of language, made more expressive of his state of mind, by the rarity of it.
Harry immediately sat up, feeling a bit dizzy as he did so, to see what had caused Severus to use such a word. When Harry saw what had happened he laughed.
Severus scowled. "I am glad you think it is funny."
Harry was still smiling, after everything that had happened in the past fews days, it was funny.
"You won't be laughing when you're helping me dig us out of here." Severus warned.
It didn't spoil Harry's mood. "Come back to bed then, we'll stay here till it thaws. It's too early in the winter for it to last long."
To Harry's surprise Severus did come back to bed. He snuggled next to Harry after he put his coats back on top of them.
"You can tell me about the vision, then maybe we can clear a space inside the tent and use the stove. Then we really will have to dig ourselves out, we are going shopping today whatever happens to try and stand in our way." Severus announced.
Harry wanted to shrink from having to talk about the vision; he had just started to enjoy his day. He had to share it with Severus though, for the good of their mission and for his own sanity.
Severus reached into his rucksack and pulled out his sword, the serpents eagerly grasping his wrist.
"Get yours too." Severus commanded.
Once they were both holding their swords Severus lay on his side and manoeuvred the sword beneath the covers.
"Watch what you're doing with that thing." Harry warned.
Severus was a little disappointed; he had thought that Harry understood, he vowed to schedule a training session on the subject in the near future.
"While we both hold our swords I can't hurt you and you can't hurt me, you will be fine, now get your arm under the covers now, you're letting the cold in." Severus said.
Harry did as he was told, smiling to himself, feeling the warmth of their Bond through the sword despite Severus' snappy words.
"All right." Severus began, as they got as comfortable as they could. "This is actually a sword training session."
"Can't they all be like this?" Harry asked playfully, nestling his head against Severus' chest.
Severus smiled in his own subdued way. "Unfortunately not, but this is an important technique which we will be required to practise."
"Oh goody." Harry added.
"It is so I can help you with the visions. In a minute you will begin to tell me what happened and as you do so we will both concentrate on sharing our experiences and I will also be sending you my strength." Severus instructed. "Hopefully I can help you bear the burden."
"It wasn't a very big one, I didn't even know who they were." Harry began. He felt the connection as Severus joined with him. Harry thought of his experience travelling to Severus and he felt the warmth of a small amount of Severus' strength flowing into him.
Severus smiled. "Good, that worked quite well for a first attempt. Keep going." He encouraged.
"It was a family, reminded me of my parents because they had a young boy that would have been about the same age as I was when they died."
Severus felt a portion of Harry's grief for his memories flowing into him and he returned with a little bit of comfort.
"Go on." Severus prompted.
"Nobody was spared, they were all killed, one after the other. All very cold, the Death Eaters had been given a list and they just turned up and did it. There was pleading and screaming and the little boy saw his mother and father fall to the ground. The little boy screamed and called for them. But the Death Eaters, who never lowered their hoods to show their faces, silenced him swiftly without hesitation."
Severus was breathing deeply, taking as much of it as he could, he was right there with Harry in the vision, experiencing the memories as he remembered them. Harry didn't say any more but they maintained their connection, Harry leading Severus through the vision, both of them inside the memories.
"One a day." Severus said eventually as the sharing connection faded and although they could still feel each other through the Bond they were no longer communicating with as much intensity.
They both breathed in and out deeply and looked at each other simultaneously.
"I think that was a good vision to begin with, not too overwhelmingly personal but intense enough for you to need to release it." Severus commented.
"It hasn't made it go away but I feel like it sits on my shoulders a bit easier." Harry added.
"And I'm right there with you." Severus added. "We do this together. I cannot help you very much while you're having a vision, but I can do this."
"Yes, we must do this."
"You were very good, you mastered the technique straight away." Severus praised.
"Any house points?" Harry teased.
"I think we will abolish that system in exchange for a system of kissing points." Severus said surprising Harry. He surprised him even more when he leant in for a kiss when they were both still holding their swords, resulting in an intense shot of feeling not too dissimilar to an electric shock.
Severus smiled at Harry's expression knowing exactly what he had just done. "I think we can put these away now." He said removing his own sword from his arm.
"One a day, Sev."
"I wouldn't count on the Dark Lord to keep his word on anything, but we'll face it when it comes."
"One a day, unless I go to him and turn myself in." Harry added.
"Whereupon he will proceed to kill everybody anyway, with nobody to stop him." Severus added. "Just in case you were thinking of doing something heroically stupid."
Harry shook his head. "No, I wasn't. I won't ever leave you. It's just hard that's all, to stand by and watch this happen. Sometimes I wish he would just come for me and then we could finish it, one way or another."
Severus beckoned Harry into his arms and Harry went gladly. Severus wrapped his arms round Harry and held him close not wanting to let him go even to make breakfast. They had to move though, there was a reason why Severus could wrap his arms so completely around his Kin and he didn't like it.
Harry had a double helping of porridge in the end; Severus opted to make two batches to get round the fact that their pan was so small. At least now that it had got cold they didn't have to worry about the milk not being very nice in the morning, they were only relieved it hadn't frozen over night. Harry was very glad of his breakfast as he attempted to pull the guy pegs out of the frozen ground, his hands through necessity plunged deep within the snow. It hadn't even snowed that much, the wind had blown it all across the field and into their corner. Harry made a note to himself to pay more attention to the wind direction when pitching the tent.
"We'll have to go back." Severus announced as he packed everything else away.
"Hmm?"
"The gas has started to splutter and the High Street yesterday had a camping shop, I have no idea when we will come across another and we can't run out." Severus said, silently berating himself for not having the presence of mind to realise it was running out. Well, he had had a few other things to think about.
Harry grimaced at the thought of having to eat cold food on top of everything else. "Shame they're so bloody heavy." Harry commented. "Or we could carry a spare."
They reached the town just before lunchtime almost exactly twenty-four hours after their previous visit. The smell of good food and beer drifted out of the pub as they passed but Severus didn't stop to go in even though Harry slowed down as a hint. They went straight to the grocery store and Harry pulled his rucksack off his back and stood dutifully by the wall, leaning himself against it.
"You asked me not to treat you like a pet." Severus said standing beside Harry. "Which means I am not going to leave you tied up outside any longer. Besides, you need to tell me what you want. We'll find a way of managing the bags."
Harry smiled and followed Severus into the store.
They came across the fruit and vegetable section first, their bags in a shopping trolley with a basket perched on top to hold the grocery items. It became apparent very quickly that this wasn't going to be easy. Severus made Harry choose some fruit, but only enough to last a few days; this was the easy part, some bananas and a bag of little satsumas soon lay in their basket. The vegetables came next, and Severus picked up a swede.
"What exactly am I supposed to do with this?" He asked Harry with a raised eyebrow, which, for some reason, Harry found adorable.
Harry was able to utilise some of his Muggle experience. "It's the same as the orange mushy stuff we sometimes got next to the potato. It comes like that, you have to take the skin off, cut it up and boil it." He informed Severus.
"What about the rest of these?" Severus asked gesturing to the vegetable shelves after discarding the swede.
"Pretty much the same." Harry said shrugging his shoulders. "Apart from the tomatoes I suppose, although technically they are still a fruit."
"Do you like them?" Severus asked.
"Yes, fortunately." Harry answered picking some up and placing them next to the fruit.
They were getting enough for both of them but Severus didn't really seem to have any preferences.
They picked up another packet of oatmeal next, to make the porridge with.
"We can't really do much better than this for breakfast." Harry commented.
"Get two bags, I need to make sure I fill you up." Severus instructed fondly.
Two old Muggle ladies glared at them both as Severus put an arm round Harry and briefly squeezed his shoulder. Harry glared back at them, like it was any of their business, he thought.
They made sure they got the milk next; the oats weren't much use without it. Then Severus led Harry to the aisle where the cans were. Harry walked up and down getting more and more downhearted as he went.
"You were doing your best weren't you?" Harry was forced to admit.
"I was trying, it's not easy with just a little stove." Severus replied. "Should we get some bread? You could pick up some jam and something else, maybe."
Harry smiled. "Actually, peanut butter is a very good idea, nuts have protein and it comes in a jar AND you don't have to cook it. Would go nicely with the jam."
"Sounds disgusting." Severus said looking as if he would rather drink one of his first year student's potions.
"I know, but it won't be, you'll see." Harry reassured as they headed for the correct aisle.
"We should have done this before, I'm sorry." Severus said softly, creating some more attention by putting his arm round Harry's shoulder. Harry glowered again; didn't these people have anything else to worry about?
"It's weird hearing you apologise all the time." Harry commented, not that he minded.
"It's not like you're going to run off and tell your friends is it?" Severus said, leaning down to a shelf to pick up the jam.
Harry gave Severus a disapproving look.
"Sorry, I didn't mean to…" Severus backtracked, worried about upsetting Harry again.
Harry laughed. "Well, there's another one noted down to tell them if we ever get home." He joked.
When they were sure they had enough for a few days they approached the troll behind the counter. Not a real troll of course but a Muggle who looked very much like one. The troll raised both her eyebrows at them as they approached. Harry felt Severus stiffen his composure in preparation for the encounter.
"We don't get your sort in here very often." The troll felt compelled to comment.
Harry stifled a grin as Severus continued to place one item after the other onto the counter his face expressionless and aloof.
"Really?" Severus said handing her cash from his wallet. Severus only used one of the credit cards when they were getting a bus or a train immediately afterwards. He was fairly sure of their security, the cards had been obtained through the Order, but they couldn't be too careful.
"No." the troll woman said clearly twisting her face as she scanned their attire.
Severus strode out of the shop as soon as their transaction was completed the rucksack slung over one shoulder to make a quick exit. Harry hurried along behind him, just as keen to be on the road again.
"Right, just the camping shop to go." Severus announced. Harry could still feel the tension coming from him. They crossed to the other side of the road.
"Is it always like that?" Harry asked.
"Mostly, yes." Severus said striding up the street towards the camping shop.
When they got there it was empty apart from the proprietor. Severus didn't look pleased.
"I hate it when they just sit there following me with their eyes." Severus said pushing the door open.
They entered the shop and Severus quickly scanned the aisles looking for the camping stove gas so that they could make a hasty retreat. Harry wandered around browsing.
Then Harry saw something, it appeared to be a small something sitting on a shelf, but Harry realised it was a big something that he very much wanted. Harry looked at the price but it didn't mean anything to him after so long in the wizarding world. He picked one up anyway. If Severus had any sense at all, he would want one too.
Harry approached Severus who was holding a gas canister in his hand and was already approaching the proprietor of the shop.
"Sev?"
"Yes?" Severus said stopping and turning to face Harry.
"Can we have one of these?" Harry asked thrusting the item in question in front of Severus.
"Oh." Severus said looking down at the picture on the packet. "Only if you are volunteering to carry it and blow it up every evening."
Harry felt a little worried; Severus didn't even look slightly interested. He didn't know what to do. He ended up standing still and saying nothing.
Severus sighed and prised the item from Harry's hands and approached the man they needed to pay.
"Oh." The man said to Severus. "You'll find that difficult to blow up on your own."
"I am sure we will manage just fine." Severus replied.
They left the store with their purchases and Harry was a little bit irritated with Severus. They obviously needed a device to help them with the inflatable bed they had just bought but Severus seemed to find it amusing to let Harry do it on his own. No matter, Harry thought, even if it took him all evening to blow the damn thing up, for the first time in forever they would have something comfortable to sleep on, each and every night.
Harry walked alongside Severus again and they crossed the road and were heading back out of town when Severus suddenly stopped.
Harry noticed that they were stopped outside the pub with the nice food smell. Severus gestured for Harry to step inside.
"It doesn't mean anything." Severus said. "I just think you deserve it."
Harry gave no argument and when they got inside the pub they found a welcoming bar, clean and tidy in appearance and in the fireplace burnt a huge and very real log fire. Surrounding the hearth area were a number of deep leather sofas with a coffee table in between.
"Take the bags and find us a seat." Severus said. "I'll get us some drinks and the lunch menu."
Harry took both the rucksacks and headed for what seemed like a dream, after all this time. He had taken it for granted in his time at school, in the common room. Now it seemed like nothing short of heaven. He sank into one of the sofas to await Severus' return, feeling the radiant heat from the fire glowing on his cheek, the fire warming him all down one side.
Severus returned with two beers and a packet of cigarettes. When Harry had chosen for the menu Severus briefly left him to place the order and then they settled themselves in front of the fire.
"I've ordered tea to come with our meal, it'll help against the cold." Severus told Harry as he lit him a cigarette and passed it over. "Make sure you get decently warmed through before we have to leave."
"I have no problem with that order." Harry smiled at Severus, the irritation over the inflatable bed forgotten for now.
"I am glad we are here today, with the snow falling." Severus added. "The sweets are compulsory by the way."
"If you say so." Harry said raising an eyebrow at Severus.
"No, really." Severus said gesturing to a blackboard addendum to the main menu. There was an all-inclusive special price offer consisting of a main meal, tea and a sweet. "Though they only had apple pie and custard."
"Damn, how will I cope?" Harry commented, smiling and taking a long luxurious drag on his cigarette. "Do you think it would be better to give these things up, now that we might not die after all?" Harry asked.
"You've had less than a whole packet the whole time we've been in Scotland, I would hardly call it an addiction."
"True, and we ran out of weed ages ago."
"It would have gone off anyway and I can't get any more."
"What about the drink? It didn't exactly help much did it? Just a temporary and inadequate mask to hide behind, with everything there once again, once it wore off."
"It let us overcome our nerves enough to begin something together, for that, I will always thank it."
Harry wondered if Severus had been sneakily drinking, he had never been this open in conversation before.
"Not a bad mask to choose, though, when all that lies before you is your own imminent death and the world's destruction. To be honest I wasn't particularly concerned about the long term consequences." Severus added morbidly but truthfully all the same.
"What about now?" Harry asked.
"I find that you are enough of a drug for me." Severus said sipping his beer, smiling slightly but entirely serious. "Note, I didn't get spirit chasers."
Right at that moment, as Harry sat quietly watching Severus as he gazed into the flames of the fire while they waited for their meal to come, there was only one other place he would rather be. Only that place wouldn't have allowed him to sit watching Severus gazing into a fire, so, in this moment, Harry found contentment and the world outside and their troubles, for a while, seemed a million miles away. Severus looked up and his eyes met with Harry's and he smiled, a really real smile. Severus was enough of a drug for him too.
They reluctantly left the warmth of the pub and started off on their daily walk stuffed with food. Harry could feel the bandages around his waist straining against the bulge of apple pie. If Severus thought he could get round Harry with a meal, he was right, it would seem he really was that easy.
Severus had been fiddling about with the map but now that he had put it away Harry reached out a hand to him.
"There is something important I need to teach you about the swords. Maybe later today, or tomorrow, we'll see how you feel." Severus announced taking the hand offered to him gladly.
Harry knew what he meant; they would train if he weren't writhing in Severus' arms in excruciating pain, locked in another vision.
"Not a big secret thing?" Harry asked.
"No." Severus answered but in too good a mood to be irritable. "A thing I've already mentioned that we haven't covered yet."
"All right." Harry readily agreed. He always felt like he had a bit more energy after they had been training and the exercise kept them warm. "Are we walking far today?"
"No, probably not, it's getting quite late already." Severus answered.
Harry was glad, he felt a bit wobbly after the previous night's vision and he was really looking forward to an evening lying on their new bed. He tried not to think about the visions, if it came, it came, 'One a day' didn't necessarily mean he would have to see it every day; at least Harry hoped it didn't.
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