Lumineuse, a Kingdom Hearts fanwork by Raberba girl, written for Reku14's 100 Words challenge
Kiss (theme 83) [rough draft]
Summary: Naminé thinks they should break up, but not for any of the usual reasons. Luckily, her boyfriend has the same 'problem' she does, which means there's actually no problem at all. Riku/Naminé
A/N: I give up on trying to make Naminé IC. :/ I don't even know how to write IC Naminé (except by accident in a couple of random AUs?), so I'll stick with characterizing her the way she acts in my headcanon rather than the way she acts after CoM...
Lol, I am in suuuuuch a Riku and RikuNami mood. XD The more Riku's characterization develops in my headcanon, the more I like him and enjoy writing about him.
Oh, this fic is post-canon, btw.
o.o.o
Riku thought that Naminé seemed unusually pale and anxious when they met up after work. She practically jerked to her feet when she noticed him approaching the porch where she'd been waiting, then she kind of froze and stared at him like a frightened animal.
"You okay?" he asked as he hugged her. "You spilled some of your tea..."
"I'm, um, I'm all right, I..." She squeezed him hard for a second, then abruptly let go and stepped back, searching his face. "R...Riku?"
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing, I..." She drew in a deep, shaky breath and then let it out. "I...dreamed...that you broke up with me."
He was genuinely taken aback. "What?"
"That didn't happen, right?" she asked in a rush. "I was thinking about it, and I think it was just a dream, but it felt so real in my memory that I wasn't sure..."
He kissed her cheek and hugged her again. "I've never even thought about breaking up with you. I love you."
She exhaled and finally seemed to relax, then gasped a little said belatedly, "I love you, too, Riku."
He smiled. "Good. Come on, I have a surprise for you."
"A surprise?"
He'd finally learned how to transform one of his spare Keychains into, not just an extra suit of armor, but one that would fit someone other than himself. Naminé, self-conscious in the armor after she'd put it on, stood in what she didn't realize was a cute pose and looked apprehensively at Riku. "Is this right?"
"Yeah, it worked perfectly," he said happily. "It looks good on you."
"It does...?" She lifted her hands and examined them uncertainly.
"Here, come sit behind me and put your arms around my waist." He activated his own armor, then waited until she was settled on the Keyblade Glider with him. "You ready?"
"Mm-hm."
For the first time, they were able to travel between worlds together in a way that was more exposed and more intimate than any Gummi ship ride. Naminé, breathless in awe at the vastness of the multiverse, huddled against Riku and marveled at how tiny she felt in this place, yet how strong and safe Riku felt against her. "This is amazing..."
"I was wondering how you'd like it," he murmured.
"It's incredible. It's...scary, but...I kind of like it."
He chuckled. "I won't let anything happen to you, Naminé."
"I know." She smiled and touched the front of her helmet to his back. "I trust you, Riku."
Afterward, they sat at the top of Big Ben and gazed up at the stars, looking for Neverland. "I think it's that one. Those two stars look brighter than the others, but..."
"It's hard to tell, isn't it," Riku said, agreeing with her uncertain tone. "I think they change, depending on what Peter Pan's doing or thinking about."
They talked a little longer, then eventually lapsed into a comfortable silence. Naminé leaned against Riku, and he shifted in order to wrap his arms around her. They sat like that for a while. Then Riku leaned his head down and tilted her chin up so he could kiss her.
There was an unmagical meeting of lips, a hesitant parting, a brief touch of tongues and teeth. The moment held, tense and not quite pleasant. Then they drew apart, and were silent, and Naminé finally leaned her head back against his chest and Riku settled back against the cool brick wall.
It seemed like a very long time later when he finally thought of something to say. "We should probably get off the tower pretty soon, it's about to strike the hour..."
"Oh - it's loud, isn't it?"
"Heh, when you're sitting this close to the bells, yeah."
By the time they returned to the Islands, Riku was certain of it: Naminé did seem to be in low spirits. All her smiles and delight from the first journey was gone, and she hadn't said a word on the return trip. "Naminé?"
"Thank you for taking me out there, Riku," she said quietly. "Good...good night." She stood on the tips of her toes to give him a very quick kiss, then turned away without actually making eye contact and started walking up the porch steps.
"Naminé, wait. Do you, um, want to have dinner with me?"
Her hesitation itself made him uneasy, and she took so long to decide that it confirmed his feeling that something was wrong. "I...I shouldn't, I-"
"Are you angry at me?"
"No! No, of course not."
"Was it...did I- I don't have to kiss you, if you don't want me to."
"No, I-! I just...I'm sorry, Riku, I-"
"Please come eat with me. I'll cook whatever you want."
"No, no, please- Just cook whatever you like, and I'll help, I-"
He suddenly hugged her, tightly, and after a startled pause, she hugged him back. "I love you, Naminé," he whispered.
She squeezed him tighter, but did not answer.
At his house a little later, things almost seemed to settle back to normal between them as they cooked. Naminé was happy as always to learn something new, and Riku quietly enjoyed her company and her innocence and her sweetness.
"So...this is...turmeric?" she guessed hesitantly after tasting the sauce.
"Yup."
"I'm right?!"
He chuckled. "Yeah, it's turmeric. See? You are getting better."
"I used to think all seasoning was 'pepper,'" she said sheepishly. He gave her a playful smile and dabbed a bit of sauce onto her nose. She laughed and leaned to wipe her nose clean on his shirt.
"Hey!"
Even though Naminé's light seemed to have come back, Riku unhappily watched her dim down again as they ate. Her responses grew slower and more absent-minded, and finally she failed to answer one of his questions altogether, she was so lost in thought. He watched her for a while, then reached over and touched a fingertip to her forehead. She gasped and stared at him, and he looked back at her gravely.
"Riku..."
"Please tell me what's wrong, Naminé."
"..."
He sighed. "Naminé, I'm your boyfriend. I hope you feel like you can trust me enough to talk to me about anything...I mean, I gave you The Talk, for crying out loud, it can't get anymore awkward than-"
"I think we should break up."
He stared at her. "What?"
Her eyes were brimming with tears now, which he wasn't quite sure how to interpret. Was she crying because she'd hated him all this time and was now finally able to stop pretending? Because she still liked him as a friend and hated hurting his feelings? Because she was so relieved to finally be free of him? Because the food sucked? "R-Riku...I don't...think..."
He carefully set down his fork. "Naminé...what am I doing wrong? All I want is to make you hap-"
"It's not you, it's me!" she burst out. "I, I've been worrying about it for a long time, and I thought it would get better but it's like it's gotten worse, and the more I think about the more I-I- I'm scared. It scares me. But you're a good- you're perfect, you're the best- I really love- You deserve better, Riku."
"...What?" Naminé had always been shy, but she'd never acted like one of those needy girls with such low self-esteem that they had to be constantly told how loved they were. "Naminé, I love you, I-"
"I know! And I love you, too, Riku, but I don't think it's going to work, I mean, eventually- We can't- Are we just going to stay like this forever?"
"Like...?"
"People get married, don't they?" she said desperately. "People don't just date forever, like this, eventually they...um, 'take it to the next level'...and I just..." She buried her face in her hands.
"...Naminé, I still don't even understand what the problem is here. You did say you love me, right?"
She started crying in earnest. He shifted into the chair next to her and held her until she could speak again. "I'm sorry, Riku...I'm so sorry..."
He took a deep breath and tried to ignore his own feelings. He'd probably understand better if he just focused on trying to puzzle out Naminé's. "Can you tell me what it is you're scared of, Naminé?"
"..."
He waited.
"I don't like being kissed," she finally whispered.
"You..." 'Wait, what? Has it...has it been mutual - all this time...?!' A thought suddenly occurred to him, and he let go and scooted his chair back, staring at her. "Do you not want me hugging you, either?"
The expression on her face was so adorably, heart-wrenchingly forlorn, he wanted to kneel at her feet and beg her to tell him what he could do to make her smile again.
"No...I l-like hugs, I just..." She covered her face with her hands again and continued in a muffled voice, "I don't like being kissed, I don't like...when I think of someday having to...have sex...I don't..." She raised her head again and looked at him desperately, "Even if we got married, I wouldn't want it, but with anyone, not just you, and I love you but how can I really love you when I never want you to touch me like that?! When the only, only times I ever don't like you are when you kiss me, but in the books and movies people like it, why?! Am I misunderstanding again?! Is just because there's something else you need to explain to me that I never learned, or is it because I used to be a Nobody, or...?! What's wrong with me, Riku?"
He suddenly wanted to cry, it was like whatever was in his heart was somehow in hers, too, except she'd said it with Naminé words instead of Riku words, and he loved her more than ever because, incredibly, they were exactly the same. "Naminé...you still love me, don't you? You only said you wanted to break up because you think, you think we can't work if we never have sex or something?"
"You deserve better," she whispered miserably. "A girl who can give you what you want."
'How do you know that's what I want?' "...You know...do you know one, just one of the many things I like about dating you, Naminé?"
She ducked her head as if cringing away from a blow.
"Because I can relax around you. I didn't feel like I could do that if I dated anyone else. I barely ever have to force myself, and you never complained. You're kind of...shy...so I didn't feel pressured- I mean, I wish you'd told me this sooner, I only ever kissed you because I thought you wanted- I mean, I'm your boyfriend, I thought I had...obligations...but if I'd known you didn't like it, I-" 'Now I'm sounding like her,' he thought ruefully. "Don't break up with me, Naminé. You can stay a virgin forever, I'm happy with that."
Now it was her turn to stare at him in astonishment. "What?"
"I just...I mean, we're the same. You know? I have no idea what's supposed to be so great about sex, either; and if you're not interested, that's great, because neither am I."
Now she was looking at him dubiously. "You're just saying that because...?"
"Because it's true. I'm not 'just saying' it. If I had to choose between making out with you or going back to eating dinner with you, it's dinner, hands down. Honestly, I have no interest in kissing you or seeing you in a skimpy bikini and stuff like that." 'Please don't suddenly turn into a stereotypical girl and hit me.' He didn't think she would, but they'd never talked about this sort of thing in such a personal context before. "It's actually kind of a relief that you might not ever want me to kiss you again. I... Maybe that makes me a bad boyfriend but- Naminé, I think we're the same." 'And it's amazing, and I love you.'
She was still staring at him, but now she was leaning toward him rather than shrinking away.
"And I'm not gay, either, for the record. I just..." He reached out to take her hand, and was glad when her fingers curled warmly around his. "I like being your boyfriend, Naminé. I like things the way they are, and for all I care, they can stay that way forever."
"But..." She simply looked confused.
"I know it's...not normal. But if both of us are not normal, then it shouldn't be a problem, right? It doesn't matter what other people think of us, as long as we're happy."
After a moment, she shyly slipped into his lap, and he hugged her in relief. "We can do this forever?" she whispered. "We can be like...friends who date? Just friends, but...still dating? Forever?"
"Yeah. Of course. Whatever you want." 'Just don't leave me.' He kissed her cheek without thinking, then froze. "I- I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"
"That's okay." She kissed his own cheek. "Kisses like this are okay. Just not... I like nice kisses, but not icky ones."
He laughed. "Got it. Same here."
She sort of nuzzled him for a second, and he nuzzled her back, then she reached over to retrieve her fork and offered him a bite. He readily opened his mouth to eat it. "It's gotten cold, hasn't it..."
"'S okay. Still tastes good."
"I'm going to go put them back on the stove."
"Okay."
"Sorry," she said as they got up to take their plates back over to the counter.
"For what?"
"Just...for everything...I'm sorry."
He took both her hands in his and kissed them softly. "I love you. Don't apologize."
She took a deep breath. "All right."
They shared a smile.
o.o.o
Author's Notes: My Riku has always always always been asexual (before I even knew that word XD), at least off-screen if not onscreen; and every time I tried to make Naminé sexually attracted to him, she turned OOC and things got gross and stupid. So I finally gave up and made Nami ace, too, and that fixed the problem beautifully. XD
Ever since I figured out that I apparently ship RikuNami as a mutually asexual couple, every plot bunny I've gotten for them (and I've been getting a lot, since I've been in a RikuNami mood lately...) ends up veering in that direction. I wish I'd been able to post those other fics first, but this newest idea is the first Ace RikuNami fic I was able to actually finish. *sweatdrop* I think my muse was determined to 'officially' establish that piece of headcanon before it let me write anything else for them, but now hopefully it'll let me play with RikuNami more casually again. (So maybe now I can get your kiriban done, Tali. XD Unless you have plunnies for something other than RikuNami that you'd rather see.)
Have you ever been going about your business, then suddenly realized that something that you totally thought had happened in real life was actually just something you'd dreamed? Or have you ever had to conclude that something you clearly remember was actually just something you'd dreamed, since it's completely impossible for it to have happened in real life? Because that kind of thing happens to me ALL THE TIME when I have uber-realistic dreams ._. It's disconcerting.
Complete: 4/100