Chapter 11

Rio emerged from the employee lounge, leaving the two annoying Kenma maimed but still alive. Feeling better, he took in the sight of his coffee shop. The fire had greatly improved it, he decided. He stood there like a badass while the firefighters put of the last of the flames. After they had gone, Rio celebrated his victory by taking a sip of his latte.

For a moment, Rio feared that his life would end. The knowledge that he had created this abomination was only slightly less horrible than the taste of the latte itself. It tasted like being raped by Master Shafu, but worse. There was no way that something this nasty could not be lethal, Rio concluded, strangely calm. He hoped that he would not shit his pants or make a weird face when he died. He closed his eyes and thought of Mele and Jan, trying to forget the wretched taste in his mouth while he waited for death to take him.

"Hey buddy, I'm so happy to see you!" Gou said, embracing Rio.

"Get me water," Rio whispered to this unknown person, who must have been a schizophrenic homeless man.

Gou did as Rio bid. Rio swished a bit of the water around in his mouth and spit it out on Gou's face.

"Did you make that?" Gou asked about the latte.

Rio looked down, unable to answer out of shame.

"Mind if I try it?" Gou requested, taking the latte from Rio.

Rio tried to stop him. He would not wish that latte on his worst enemy. Actually, he totally would, poisoning Master Shafu with it wasn't a bad idea. However, this poor bum was innocent, he did not deserve to let this cursed beverage harm his taste buds.

Unfortunately Rio's entire body was in so much pain that he could not move, and he could do nothing to prevent Gou from taking a gulp of the latte.

"Good latte, my friend," Gou said, faking a smile. "Excuse me one moment."

Gou ran to the bathroom and threw up, then returned to Rio. Rio had never made such a disgusting latte before, so Gou took it as proof that Rio was indeed possessed by demons. He would soon fix that and bring his best friend back.

"I wrote a song for you," he said, strumming his guitar and beginning to sing in a strangely high pitched voice that sounded like Eric Cartman in South Park.

All the best memories I have are of my time with you, my friend.

I hope our friendship never comes to an end.

Oooooooohhhhhhh my friend, my friend

Remember the time we got lost in the woods because your Pride prevented you from looking at a map so we wandered around in the dark for five hours until the sun came up and we finally found our way back to civilization before a bear could eat your fur.

You are a hero and inspiration to me, my friend.

A thousand kisses of friendship to you I would send.

Remember the time we marathoned the Super Sentai Series together and I went to the bathroom and when I came back you had changed the channel so we watched a nature documentary about lions mating until I fell asleep on your shoulder and when I woke up you were gone.

I believe our friendship will last a lifetime, my friend.

Your sorrows I will forever seek to mend.

Remember the time I was in a Broadway musical and I got you a free ticket and you forgot to show up but it didn't really matter because they had my understudy take my place even though I was there and had all my lines memorized and dance moves perfected.

I would give my life for you, my friend.

It is cute how we always play pretend.

Remember the time when there was a bank holdup so I busted out some moves to save you but it turned out you were the one robbing the bank so I took the blame and went to prison for a while until they thought that I wasn't supposed to be there so they kicked me out.

I secretly sniff your fur when you walk by, my friend.

Your fur is so sexy it should become a trend.

Remember the time we went to Six Flags and I threw up on the roller coaster so you went on the rest of the rides without me and then left the park and drove home even though we took my car there together so I had to call my brother to come pick me up but he thought I was a telemarketer so he hung up and I had to walk home.

I think of you when I wake up in the morning, my friend.

I would be your lover if ever that way I bend.

Remember the time I took care of your fur and got mugged going home and the fur was taken and I had to risk my life to get it back for you and then I got it dry cleaned which was more expensive than I thought it would be.

I will never forget you, my friend.

Ooooooooooohhhhhhhh my friend, my friend, my best frieeeeeeeeeeeeeend.

These are the most precious moments of my life, my friend.

I hope we share these memories forever, my best friend.

Friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend friend!

During Gou's song Rio had brewed a fresh pot of real coffee and had phone sex with Mele, even though she was walking down the street on her way to Starbucks. Rio realized he had the tune of the friendship song stuck in his head, and wondered where he had heard it. The tune reminded him of friendship and made his emotions rage within him. Or perhaps that was just the effect the forbidden latte had on how stomach.

He then noticed the buff shirtless man standing before him with a guitar.

"Did you enjoy my song, my friend?" Gou grinned, proud of himself for being able to sing that whole thing without losing his voice.

"Go away," Rio ordered, confused by this man's delusions.

A tear ran down Gou's cheek. For some reason Rio felt sad seeing this man cry, as if he had some kind of connection to him…but that was impossible. Rio watched as Gou walked out of the shop. Something prompted Rio to follow him, to stop the clearly insane man from potentially hurting himself from his apparent depression.

"Rio, do you recall the magic of our friendship?" Gou asked.

Rio had forgotten why he followed the man, so instead of comforting him he punched him in the stomach and returned to his work. Gou mistook this as a sign of affection, as he had seen a few American films where men punched each other to express their undying love. He walked away happily, though in some pain, believing that Rio was back to his old self and their friendship would soon blossom into a million flowers of friendship and magic.

Meanwhile, Mele made it to Starbucks after that nice session of phone sex she had with Rio on her way there. She was shocked by how disheveled the place had become. There was no barista since Rio's replacement was currently trapped in a closet with dead bodies, so customers had to make their own coffee and did not have to pay for it. Jan was still asleep on the floor, and there were many coffee spills that needed to be cleaned.

The samurai had FINALLY gotten past first base and were now making love on the floor. Takeru used the caramel flavored syrup as lubricant before penetrating his beloved Ryuunosuke with his flesh katana. This sight made Mele extremely aroused, so she decided to run into the bathroom to pleasure herself. She could steal the bacon after that, it would be easier than she predicted since no one manned the shop.

She entered the men's bathroom, as she found the idea of masturbating in there strangely erotic. She sat down on the toilet and did her thing, but right before she climaxed she heard the giggle of an annoying blond creature. Somehow she could tell that this thing was blond just from its laugh. She leapt off the toilet and found Long swimming in the bowl.

"Thanks for the show," Long chuckled.

Mele turned bright red, but her embarrassment was immediately replaced by her frustration at not being able to finish. She moved to flush this blond little shit.

"Wait! I know how you can help Rio!" Long yelled. This declaration surprised Mele and stayed her hand. She would hear him out before sending him to the sewers.

"How do you know about Rio?" Mele questioned.

"I know everything about everything," Long bragged.

"Are you the zombie of the goldfish I flushed when I was a kid?" Mele asked. That goldfish had still been alive, but she had gotten tired of feeding it so she killed it. She always feared that it would come back to haunt her.

"Yes, and I will never forgive you for murdering me," said Long.

"I will kill you again if you do not tell me what you know about Rio," Mele threatened.

"I can tell you the secret to making the best coffee," Long promised.

"The Three Kenma said they knew the secret to the best coffee, but they lied," Mele said. Rio had not mentioned his shameful Kenma latte to Mele when they had phone sex, but she could tell something was wrong by the sound of his voice. She could always sense when her soulmate was in pain, and he had seemed to be in terrible pain that only could have been caused by the taste of horrible coffee mixed with a blow to his Pride.

"Those Kenma are hacks. I really do know how to make the best coffee," Long said.

"So stop wasting my time and tell me," Mele ordered.

"Oh, I will tell you, but you must do something for me first," Long teased. "You must take Jan into your bed so he will have sex with Rio."

"How dare you suggest such a thing? Rio and I are in a monogamous relationship!" Mele yelled, outraged but also turned on.

"I won't help you unless you do this," Long grinned.

"I do not need your help," Mele slammed the toilet seat down and stormed out of the stall. She did not want to see Rio have gay sex with Jan, but also she did, but she didn't, but she totally did, but she didn't. Though even if she did, she had no idea how to make it happen. The only thought that saved her from despair was the beautiful image of the samurai making love. Perhaps Rio would enjoy being intimate with Jan. He did seem to care for the boy, so Mele might not have to force him to do anything against his will. Yet if Rio ever discovered that Mele used his feelings for Jan so she could get information to help his coffee, his Pride would be damaged beyond repair. It was hard enough getting him to accept help from the Kenma, a plot of this magnitude would be too much for him to bear.

If Mele did as Long asked, it would be as if she were allowing Long to have complete control over Rio's life and actions. Long's life in the toilet was so boring, Mele wondered if he only wanted to use Rio's ambitions for his own entertainment. If Long really did want to use Rio like that and Rio found out about it, it would take great compassion for Rio to forgive Mele for letting it happen.

Though she still wasn't sure if she could trust Long, Mele knew she had to help her husband somehow. However, it might be difficult to introduce the subject of Rio hooking up with Jan. Even if she succeeded in seeing them in bed together, the consequences of the act were impossible to predict. Filled with doubt, Mele would need to meditate on this. She sat down on the floor of Starbucks, next to the samurai who were still going at it, and meditated. She had watched Rio do it a thousand times, how hard could it be?

Meanwhile at RinJyuDen, Rio had literally kicked the Water and Air Kenma out of his shop. The Earth Kenma had returned, and Rio allowed him to stay since he seemed more competent than his counterparts. Maku agreed that the charred furniture added to the shop's overall appearance, and his good taste made Rio more inclined to trust him. Rio set himself to making a latte, a real one that would fully wash that ungodly taste out of his mouth, when Miki's child came out of the bathroom and tugged on Rio's fur.

"Boss, I started my period," Miki's child whispered.

Rio could not comprehend why this girl would come to him with this problem. It was strangely touching that she trusted him with this, perhaps she had come to think of him as a father figure after their two days of working together, but Rio did not have time to discuss this feminine problem. If Mele was here she would have been able to help the freshly flowered girl, but at the moment the only other person who could deal with this was Maku.

"Talk to Maku about it," Rio instructed.

"But that's so awkward…" Miki's child whined.

"I must focus on my coffee," said Rio, angry that the girl did not realize how incredibly awkward the situation already was for him.

Miki's child reluctantly went to the Earth Kenma. Her mother had never had time to talk to her about periods, she spent all day and night working to support them. Or maybe Miki had told her all about it and Miki's child just didn't pay attention, as she never paid attention to her mother. Recently Miki's child had even begun sleeping at Rio's coffee shop.

"So dude, I got my period. What do I do?" Miki's child asked Maku.

"You need to plug up your hole so you'll stop bleeding. A wiimote should do the trick," Maku said, laughing maniacally in his head.

"Oh, thanks," said Miki's child, going into the lounge to find a wiimote. Rio had a gold plated wiimote in the employee lounge. He said that he had fond memories related to those game controllers. The wiimote reminded him of his enemy's humiliating defeat, though Miki's child did not understand why.

While walking back to Starbucks, Gou sensed that Miki's child was in grave danger and sprinted back to RinJyuDen. He was there in three seconds.

"No! You have so much to live for!" Gou yelled as Miki's child took the wiimote off the wall and unbuttoned her pants.

"Give a girl some privacy!" Miki's child shouted.

"A dear friend of mine died because he put a wiimote in a place it did not belong. He must not have read the instructions," Gou reflected sadly.

"Are you saying I shouldn't be putting this wiimote up my vagina?" Miki's child asked.

"That is right. I will help you pick out pads or tampons," Gou offered. "What is your name, child?"

"Uhhhhhhhhhh…" Miki's child could not remember her own name. "People just call me Miki's child."

"Miki? I know Miki! She works at Starbucks with me," Gou grinned.

Gou took Miki's child to a drug store to buy pads while going on about how great Rio was. At one point Miki's child got lost in the drug store and when Gou found her she thought he was a stranger trying to kidnap her, but then he bought her a pound of Jolly Ranchers and she trusted him again.

After that was done, Gou made his way back to Starbucks. Nothing could prepare him for what he would find.