Chapter 11: Back to Tomorrow
"Let's have an eternal hope
Will the pain in your heart ever heal?
I sincerely want to take you into my arms and help you
I'll help you draw a dream in your heart from the beginning (to give my love)
Remember the sky on that day
For now, step by step with me
Let your laughter ring, step by step
Together, step by step with me
Let's build a (love…) Let's connect our (love…)~"
~Back to Tomorrow by TVXQ (HoMin)~
Relena Darlian made the sign of the cross before shifting from her kneeling position to sit back on the pew. Beside her, she looked at her fiancé, who was still kneeling with his head leaning on his clasped hands and his eyes closed. When he had also made the sign of the cross and sat beside her, he raised an eyebrow, noticing that she had been staring at him all along.
"Did my overly gorgeous features captivate you?" Nathan teased quietly so as not to bother the other few people in the church. With his grin, he could easily pass as an endorser of a brand of toothpaste.
"You're so full of yourself," said Relena, smacking Nathan's face playfully. "I just think that you prayed longer today. Usually, I'm the one who takes forever when praying."
"I thanked God a lot today," answered Nathan, his gaze hovering over at the huge cross at the altar. "Everything's going well, so far." He then reached for Relena's hand, and turned to her. "And in a few days, you're going to walk down the aisle."
Hand in hand, they walked down the long stretch of the aisle of the colossal church. Outside, there was an area in which small candles can be lit to honor the life of deceased loved ones. Whenever she went to any church, Relena always made it a point to light one for her father. And this one was no exception. She dropped a coin on the box beside the candles, and lit one herself.
Once, Heero had asked her if the candles were only for those whom you have loved and lost; the flames of the candles were reflected in his eyes. "What if I were the one who took their lives? Can I still light for them?"
Relena stared at him, surprised. Of course you can."
"I still won't be forgiven, won't I?"
"Not until you forgive yourself," said Relena, picking out a candle and handing it to him. "You have a good heart, Heero. They will accept your apology as long as they see their light from you."
On that day, Heero lit the candle for the very first person he had killed. When night came, Relena looked for Heero in her mansion and was told that he went to the local cemetery for soldiers nearby. She had asked to be driven there. When she had entered the cemetery, passing by its small, unlocked, and rusted gate, baffled by what she saw.
About five up to six candles were placed on every gravestone, their flames dancing with the slight, cool breeze. Walking along the pathway, Relena wrapped her trench coat tighter as the wind blew once more. On her right, all of the gravestones were already filled with candles. When she turned to her left, almost half of the rows were already occupied by the dancing flames. And there, she saw the Perfect Soldier on his knees, wearing his Preventer jacket, as he was lighting another candle.
He looked up when Relena squatted beside him. "I don't really know how many they are."
"How many do you have?" asked Relena, eyeing the bags and plastics full of candles beside Heero.
"400; it's not enough."
"It's the thought that counts," said Relena. "They will be delighted to know what you're doing now. And besides, we can light up more tomorrow. You don't have to do this alone, Heero." Relena grabbed a whole plastic of candles and started to light one after the other.
"When I die, I wonder if I will be mourned," said Heero softly, almost like a whisper.
"I will," said Relena, giving Heero a side glance as she lighted one candle after another. "I will light a candle for you every single day, so you won't get lost on the other side. So you will know that I'm here and that you will always be remembered. And I will pray every night to ask all the deities to watch over you and grant you the forgiveness you've always been seeking."
Heero turned to Relena, whose skin and features were accentuated by the hues of the flames, resembling an angel in fairytales. If he will be sent straight to Hell when he dies, then at least he had the chance to live in a place that closely resembled Heaven. Relena once claimed him to be her angel. But to Heero, it was always the other way around.
"Why'd you light up another one?" asked Nathan, eyeing the new candle that Relena lit beside the one for her father. "Besides your father, did you lose someone else?"
So you will know that I'm here and that you will always be remembered. After drawing in a deep breath, Relena answered, "Yes, I did."
"It's so great to be back here," said Relena. She tucked a handful of her golden locks behind her ear, while her other hand held Nathan's as they walked down the streets.
"I know," replied Nathan.
With only three weeks left until their wedding day, the couple took their leaves from work and flew back to Japan to arrange the preparations at their desired church and venue for the wedding reception. And Mareen Darlian, Relena's foster mother, could not have been more excited to accommodate her daughter and future son-in-law.
Nathan and Relena passed by the beach, to which Relena stopped walking. It was nearly already sunset. The ocean reflected the setting sun that painted the sky with a mixture of purple and orange hues. She felt Nathan gently pull her to go with him as he opened the gate that led to where the cogwheels of fate began to turn years ago.
Feeling the sand beneath her feet, taking in the sight of the setting sun in the horizon, Relena found it hard to absorb that in a peaceful setting such as this, she found a teenager as old as her, lying face down on the sand years ago - the start of Operation Meteor. She looked at the spot where she had found the Perfect Soldier. Memories of that day vividly replayed in her mind, making her wonder at how much had changed since then.
"Do you remember the first time we met?" asked Nathan, giving her hand a squeeze, making her look at him as he focused his gaze on the horizon.
A smile crept on Relena's lips. "Your friend hit me with a frisbee... on this same beach. It was around this time, right? I remember it as sunset. I was sitting here, and you came up."
Nathan chuckled at the memory. "Yeah. He didn't mean it though. He threw the frisbee with so much force that I ended running all the way here." He turned to Relena. "Imagine my surprise when I knew that the woman he just hit was the former Queen of the World. Who would've thought that your favorite hang-out place is a beach?"
Relena shrugged. "Just this particular beach. I kept a low profile just so I could have a 'me' time."
"Later that night, I treated my friend to his favourite restaurant."
"What for?"
"Without his idiocy, I wouldn't have met you," replied Nathan, who turned to her, seeing his own reflection in her cerulean orbs. "You were difficult to court, though. "
Relena ran her hand through her golden locks. "I'm a busy person. You were so persistent."
Just busy? Nathan wanted to retort the statement, wanting to tell her that she hid more things than what she outwardly expressed. "Still, I'm so glad that I persevered. You were worth it," he said. "I'm glad I met you on this beach. It's almost like fate."
Relena wanted to laugh at the absurdity of it all. That she had met the two men in her life on the same beach. That despite all of her efforts to forget Heero, despite how settled and contented she was with Nathan, Heero would always find his way in her heart and mind, destroying all the foundations of happiness that she had always been building. Add to that the existence of the abhorrent feeling that Nathan came to her life, bright as the sun, only to live in the shadow of the first one.
At present, there was nothing more that Relena wanted than to have a word with fate. She wanted to know if fate was laughing at her right now. Finding one's soul mate sounds amazing, at first. That somewhere in this world, there will always be this person destined to be with you, no matter the circumstances and distance. It sounds ideal, like a fairytale. But Relena learned things the hard way.
It wasn't supposed to be this way.With her messed up feelings, she knew, it would cost someone else's happiness – never mind her own. If fate did really mean for her to be with Nathan then why was everything still pointing back to Heero?
"So, what changed?" Nathan's voice brought her back to reality.
She blinked at him absently-mindedly. "I'm sorry?"
"What changed?" Nathan repeated. "You were uninterested before. What made you date me?"
Would this be the right time to say that she was so broken inside, that's why she held on to the closest thing she can grab on to before everything was about to fall apart?
Nathan noticed how Relena was struggling with the right words to say. And that had always been his issue with her. She had always wanted to make things right, had wanted to say things right, had wanted to do things right. There was this searing ache that wanted to tell her that she should not be pushing herself into doing these, and that he will not judge her for whatever she did wrong.
Did everything in her previous relationship turned on every wrong direction, which led her to this path of always-do-things-right? Whatever she had been through in the past prior to meeting him, which she had always sequestered in her heart, he wanted to heal her from all of it. If only she would let him.
In one moment, their bodies were pressed against each other. Nathan still held her hand, while his other moved up to the back of her neck. He leaned down and closed his eyes. Relena's own ones closed, as well, anticipating the kiss until...
"Hero!" yelled a woman from beyond the fences of the beach. "Hero!" she yelled again.
Relena's lashes snapped wide open and turned to the source of yelling, surprise visible on her features. A woman, who looked ten years older than them, was running along the street, trying to catch up on a toddler who's wearing a jumper, and was loitering in his own world. The woman came up to the child and carried him, her voice still loud enough to be heard by the couple. "Hero, why did you let go of my hand? Why did you run from mommy?"
Why did you let go of my hand? Why did you run?Why won't Heero just leave her alone?
A movement then caught her eye right behind the woman with her child. Focusing her gaze, Relena could see the man waving frantically, a bright smile on his face. He was wearing a blue button-down shirt and jeans, his platinum blond hair distinguishing him from the brunettes passing by beside him.
"Hey, is that the Winner heir?" asked Nathan.
"Yes. An old friend," answered Relena who waved back at Quatre Raberba Winner.
When Quatre approached the couple on the beach, Nathan excused himself so that the two can catch up with each other's lives. Quatre offered to have a chat with Relena at his favourite coffee shop in town, promising them that his security will be around, and will not be a bother.
It was a weekday, and the two were grateful for the lack of customers. They settled on the far corner of the shop, redolent with the scent of coffee beans.
"So you're not on a business trip?" asked Relena, as she sipped her hot coffee, settling across from the former Gundam pilot.
"Not at all," replied Quatre. He opened a packet of sugar and poured it in his mug. "I came to visit my sister here. I didn't know you're in town, too."
"Nathan and I want to finish the wedding preparations early. We've already reserved the church and reception venue, as well as the wedding dress. All is well."
"Is there anything I can help you with?" offered Quatre.
"The other concerns now are the wedding rings, wedding rehearsals, and the honeymoon," answered Relena, waving her hand in dismissal. "We've got it covered. Thanks for offering, still."
"I see," said Quatre, leaning back on his chair. "Just tell me if you need anything. I will be glad to help."
Relena smiled. "Will do."
"So, how are you?" Quatre crossed his legs. "I bet this wedding's giving you the jitters?"
"It is. I've got so much going on lately. And before I know it, I'm going to be taking a man's last name. This will be like my third name change already." Relena laughed.
"Miss Relena Darlian Peacecraft Walker sounds legit," Quatre said, grinning. "We're all excited about it. Trowa and I saw each other a few weeks ago, and he told me that he had already asked his ring master's permission. I don't know yet about Wufei and Heero, though."
Relena flinched at the name, causing a very little amount of coffee to spill from her mug, onto its saucer.
"Oh I'm..." Quatre said, putting his mug down.
"No, don't worry about it." Relena put her own mug down. "I kind of expected that any one of you will come asking soon."
Quatre nodded, an uneasy smile formed on his lips. "I'm sorry that it can't be helped. Heero's been a part of our lives since A.C. 195."
A big part of my life. Relena thought.
"So have you been in touch with him?" Quatre knew that this topic will open up unhealed wounds for the woman sitting across from him. But before he berated his lack of discipline in asking, he tried to convince himself that he would be doing her a favour for listening as a friend. In the years that he had known Relena Darlian, Quatre was well-aware that there was something more beneath her strong facade. There was something that will implode sooner or later if she held it up bottled inside. Add to that the fact that every one of their comrades, especially Duo and Hilde, were all counting on him to know about the current status of Heero and Relena.
They were the chosen few who had known of their relationship, but still none of them knew the reason for their divergence. And years later, they still ought to know the real deal between the two. They were all aware that Heero had been reading the messages they sent him, since he would only reply at a chosen few, almost about updates in the Preventers' unit, and Relena's safety, but never whenever it led to anything about their relationship. And that was their burning curiosity.
"You mean after he left? Of course he didn't keep in touch. You're all aware of that." Relena shifted her gaze to the glass wall beside her, in which she stared at a woman in a trench coat walk her Dalmatian dog. "But if you mean if he's been invited to the wedding, I don't know yet."
Quatre nodded in understanding, subtly encouraging her to continue.
Relena had not told anyone of this before. But this was Quatre Raberba Winner, one of the kindest and compassionate people she had ever met. There was always something about Quatre, something from the gentleman across from her that convinced her that her secrets would be safe with him. "I met him two months ago."
The look and tone of his voice gave away his surprise. "You did?"
"Yeah, I did, on his colony. I had a conference there, and well, he... found me."
"How is he? Did you guys talk?"
Relena still focused her gaze outside where a family of four just passed by. "He's doing well. He's got high grades and an ace in their track and field team. And yeah, we did. We did spend some hours together... And it wasn't easy."
"You want to talk about it?" Quatre asked, noticing the tremble in Relena's voice at the last four words. "Were you able to settle things with him?"
"Yes, of course." Relena finally looked at him. "We made it clear to each other that we're really meant to go our separate ways."
That was an unexpected answer. The Heero and Relena they knew always came to terms with each other, eventually. Always. "What? How do you mean by that?"
Relena fumbled on the hem of her skirt, and stared at them."We have our own lives now. I'm already getting married and am more absorbed in my work more than ever. And he, he is now in this right track of having a good future – an excellent student and athlete, who probably has his own whole fan club in the University. The ball is rolling for him. We... We're not the same people from before."
"Was the feeling not the same from before, as well?"
Relena met his eyes; the words that she harboured for the past months were welling up, ready to explode. "You know what? Everything was fine. My Mars terraformation project is doing well, I have a brilliant fiancé, the Earth Sphere is devoid of discord, and everything else is fine. I was almost perfectly fine, until he happened... again." She shook her head in exasperation. "Quatre, was there a moment in your life when you are at your happiest and at the same time saddest point of your life?"
Quatre briefly looked at the ceiling for some answer. He did not even need to give one when he looked at Relena again, who was apparently trying to collect herself. By now, there were other people occupying three other tables behind them.
Relena leaned forward, picked up the stirrer, and stirred her coffee like it was the most fascinating thing in the world. "Quatre, I did. Two months ago. Seeing him again, after all those goodbyes, it's just... It was vexing." Her voice was rising in volumes. "I was there. I was almost there. Close enough to fully crossover to Nathan's side, ready to be only his, but then he showed up on the street. And everything, every excuse, every reason to move on that I put up just came crumbling down like a stack of cards.
"Just one night, Quatre. It took only one night to destroy the path I so covered with forget, and led me back to where I started. And then, fortunately, Nathan and I bounced back right after, becoming a bit happier than usual. But when I returned to Japan, everything just naturally came back. Everything reminded me of him, of us – the beach, the school, the airport, the ship port, everything."
She took a breath to calm herself before continuing, "On that night, I knew it was wrong. But I had wished that when I wake up, it'll be Heero whom I will get married to. That when I wake up, we will no longer be the current us, but rather those who have just been given a new role in life, and enjoying our firsts in this new age of peace. At that time, I just wanted nothing more than to turn back time, back to the days when I was still his." She buried her face in her hands. "I shouldn't be saying this. It's despicable. I am an engaged woman for goodness sake."
The former Gundam pilot stood up, and pulled a chair to sit beside Relena. He rubbed her back to comfort her as he processed her story. Hearing the phrases showed up on the street, on that night, wake up, he no longer felt the need on what happened on their reunion. "Does he know?" he then asked.
Relena knew just who he was talking about. The one she betrayed. She freed her face from her hands and turned to Quatre. "No. No, he doesn't. Nathan doesn't have to know. I don't want to hurt him. He's already done a lot for me."
"Can you still go through with this marriage?" Quatre's hand remained on her back. "If you're having second doubts about this, why don't you just cancel it?"
"It's not that simple. Everything's been set already. There's no need to falter now."
"Including your heart?" Quatre asked, incredulous. "Miss Relena, please let me say this. If you're having second doubts about this marriage, I think it's better if you not go through with this at all. Save both of yourselves from the hurt."
"That's what I am preventing," Relena said. "I don't want Nathan to get hurt. I know how he feels for me. And I love him, too. I do really care for him. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't have recovered immediately back then. This will all take some time. If Nathan and I do get married and if ever we will have children, I know that I will fully get over Heero. It will take some time. But I know I will. Until then, at least Nathan's happiness will be protected."
Quatre stared at the Vice Foreign Minister, wide-eyed. He had always known that she had a kind heart, a selfless woman who always thought of others, and an intelligent woman who had always made the right decisions in her governance. But what he did not know was that she was this selfless. He retorted, "At the expense of your own? Miss Relena, with all due respect, how long do you think it will take? We know of Heero's record of leaving every time. And still, you are here still subtly confessing that you still love him. What are the chances that you will be fully happy with Mr. Walker?"
"At least Nathan is saved from the heartache. It's fine if it's just me. But Nathan, no, I swear I will be the best wife that I can be. If I cancel the wedding, I will just end up hurting him, his family, and everyone close to him. And the guilt will never leave me. I could never leave with that. And mom, she loves Nathan, too." She thought of Nathan's parents who had been nothing but kind to her, and treated her as she was already family. She thought of Nathan's mother who had always expressed her excitement with the wedding and anticipation for a grandchild. Relena was positive she wouldn't want to hurt them.
"Oh, Miss Relena," Quatre said, softly. He now held Relena's shoulders as she leaned against his chest for support, her defenses melting away. "Don't put this all on you."
"I have to." Relena closed her eyes, listening to her friend's heartbeat. "This is what Heero would want me to do, too. That's why he let go."
Quatre had brought Relena home after dinner, just in time before the rain drizzled down; the sky devoid of glittering stars.
Relena quickly changed her clothes into a nightgown, and greeted her mother who was reading The Purpose Driven Life on her bed. She relayed the progress of her wedding and her dinner with the Winner heir. Then, she kissed her good night and stepped out of the room.
Nathan, who was staying in the Darlian household for the meantime, was apparently still not at home. She did not even bother sending him a text message so he could take his time to enjoy outdoors, given that he will not be bathing under this downpour.
It was an unconscious act, which Relena only realized, when she had walked in a room that was not hers, but Heero's. The room was one of the guest rooms in her house, a floor beneath hers, which he used to occupy as part of her security team, when she spent her rest days in her childhood home. The bed against the wall still had the neatly folded and arranged sheets and pillows. While on the opposite side was a closet, which was slightly opened, further rubbing in that nothing was left of him in here.
Walking across the room, to the huge glass window, Relena stared at their garden below. The rain had gotten stronger, as well the winds. She watched their trees, flowers, and bushes all being swayed to the right, as if someone was invisibly pulling and trying to uproot them. The sky was dark with only the sparks of lightning illuminating it every now and then, together with the angry growl of thunder.
Feeling the room grow colder as the storm raged on, Relena rubbed her arm to keep it warm at least. In the past, especially during rainy days like this, someone else's arms would keep her safe and warm. And this room would always be that haven for warmth. Now standing in the cold room, in which his scent also no longer lingered, there was that emptiness that pushed in, in greater leaps.
She pressed her hand against the cold, glass wall. Somehow, her conversation with Quatre earlier made her a bit better, letting out some of her internal struggles that she had harboured for a long time, like a dam that flowed endlessly once the gates had been opened. And along with it that surfaced were the memories that she had sequestered for a long time.
It was still all too vivid in her recollection; all too vivid. It was all too vivid when three and a half weeks before he ended things with her, their interactions became less and less. Relena remembered the times when Heero would purposefully excuse himself to leave whenever their team retired to their rooms, and they were both left in his, her, or any room. He had also not left her any more Post-It notes on her desk whenever he was assigned to do something else.
When he was typing on his laptop and she would cuddle behind him, there would be no response, not even a change in his breathing or stature. Usually, yes, Heero would not say anything, but his body language would be the ones to respond. Like when he would relax whenever her head rested on his back, or when he would briefly stop typing so he could place his hands and arms atop hers on his waist, or when he would just turn around and make love to her until Relena herself would not be able to say anything but his name.
There came a point when just leaving roses in his room would be the only reason she can visit him, for Heero no longer entertained her when she came in. He stopped asking personal questions, like how did her conference go, how she was feeling and such. The questions that came from him then sounded more of an obligation as her security officer, questions that revolved around her next colony tour, conferences, summits, and interviews.
It was as if they were back to the days when she was still just a mission to him – back to the days when they were in the backseat of her limousine and they would sit at a good distance apart, careful not to touch the other; when he would knock on her door to hand her documents that had just arrived and would not stay a minute longer to kiss her goodnight; when he was assisting her in sliding out of the limousine would be the only time when their hands joined, and so much more.
Looking back, at first, Relena thought that she may have done something wrong, something that she did, or something that happened with him that he refused to tell. She tried reaching out to him, trying to hold him in the room a bit longer as soon as they start doing their rounds in the office building and in her house, but when she finally got the chance to ask him anything, he would look at her with the gaze of the Perfect Soldier, and not her Heero's. There was always a silent reject in those eyes. So Relena gave up, finding faults in herself, faults such as for not trying harder, for being so absorbed in her work, for not having a life besides politics.
Relena could only conclude that Heero kept such a distance so she could get used in not having him around anymore – that when he finally said those words, she would only feel anger, bitterness, and resentment, towards him, and not love. Was she able to tell him on L1 that his completely backfired? And all the while she thought that Heero's plans had always worked.
So at that time in the past, she just waited for him to drop the bomb. The time she spent in waiting for their end, was to be as workaholic as she can be, to be as numb and uncaring as possible, and as formidable as ever. After all, she once read that the only way to prevent heartache is to cushion the incoming blow. Moreover, if Heero was indeed unhappy with her or in his work anymore, she would willingly let him go. And she swore that she will not cry a single drop, so as to show him that she can live without him, and that he will not be obligated to stay with her in this sordid mess.
The day before he dropped the bomb, though, he had let her in his room without qualms. Relena was even surprised that he was talking to her as she arranged the roses in his room, like they were in a relationship again. It was at that time when she asked him if he believed in soul mates, to which he responded firmly with a "No." But still, he kissed her so passionately, pouring his soul into her, she thought that she was about to ripped apart. Maybe this was his way of atoning for his actions this past week, and she just let him.
Then without warning, on the day after, the bomb dropped. It was started when she was being driven back to her mansion after work. Heero was not in the limousine, but was replaced by a new security member. Later on when she had called Lady Une regarding Heero's replacement, she was told that Heero's resignation had been approved, and he will be discharged in two days. She will never forget the feeling that everything was being sucked out of her despite telling herself that she had prepared herself for this moment.
Relena reached his door and let herself in his room. There he was, dressed in a shirt and jeans, his closet was open and his suitcase was on the bed, already half-full with his clothes. This was the second time that she found him like this, the first being when they were fifteen years old.
"I've just been told of your resignation," said Relena, closing the door behind her, not moving any closer.
Heero stood upright from folding his shirt on the bed, and turned to her. "I apologize for not telling you sooner."
Relena nodded. Was that it? Was it just that simple? Was he truly sorry? Was it because of her? Was there someone else? "Can you tell me why?" She strode towards him slowly, her voice betraying her emotions. She wondered how he would have interpreted her question. Can you tell me why were you keeping your distance? Can you tell me why you're not telling me anything? Can you tell me why you resigned?
Heero averted his gaze and proceeded in folding his clothes. He answered the latter. "I plan to study."
"Where?" Relena sat on his bed and watched his calloused fingers fold shirts one after the other, neatly and gently, just like how he used to hold her.
Not looking at her, he responded, "I'll return to my home colony. I think it's about time for me to explore what else is out there."
What else is out there? Was that another way of saying that I'm getting tired of things here? Still, she said, "I understand."
In reality, she did not understand. There may be truth in what he had said, but Relena did not buy all of it. There was something else in there. And she had no idea what hurt even more, hearing the painful truth or not asking at all? She shifted her gaze to the white vase on his bedside table filled with roses in full bloom, roses that she had just placed there yesterday.
"Is it me?" asked Relena. She then felt him shift beside her, and in one second he was standing in front of her. Their eyes locked for a moment too long.
"No," said Heero.
"Is this the part where you would say 'It's not you, it's me'?" said Relena almost sarcastically, her voice almost showing signs of cracking.
Not amused by her retort, Heero grabbed her shoulders. "Don't..." And then his gaze softened. "Don't lose that strength, Relena. Don't."
How long had it been she had last seen her Heero Yuy's eyes? Those gentle, but firm look on his Prussian blue were the ones that she fell in love with. If she wanted to see those eyes again, then she would have to obey him. Swallowing hard, she answered, "I promise." Can she really be that strong without him? Had he not listened whenever she told him, since they were fifteen years old, that he had always given her the hope and strength to go on?
At her vow, Heero grinned. He then lifted his hand to brush against her forehead and bangs. Relena closed her eyes at the touch. He did not expect that this will be too easy, too easy that she did not even ask him to stay nor question any further. Maybe his actions for the past week truly did affect her affection towards him. It pricked his heart. But he had to do it.
"Do you want me to leave?" asked Heero. Somehow there was this part of him that almost wanted to see if she still cared, for a number of reasons.
Relena's eyes snapped open. "Does what I say matter?" She gave him a look that wanted to say You're going to leave anyway, no matter what I say.
Everything about you matters to me, he wanted to say, but cannot. "I just need to know."
"I want you to pursue the things that will make you happy and complete. If leaving is the answer into finding those things, then it's all fine with me," said Relena. "So go." Since when did she become a good liar? Politics sure moulded her well.
Something flashed in Heero's eyes that she failed to recognize, and was gone before she had the chance to comprehend. Heero then leaned in and kissed her on the forehead. "That's all I need to know."
Later that night, Relena couldn't sleep for all the obvious reasons. Putting on her silky robe over her nightgown, Relena went to the living room and browsed through the television channels, settling on a news channel. She laid her head and arms on the arm rest, and brought up her legs to rest on the large sofa.
"Relena," a voice then called out to her, a voice that she can recognize anywhere.
Still watching the news, she answered, "Doing your last round as a Preventer?"
Heero did not answer. To his silence, Relena finally lifted her head to look at him standing beside the sofa. "I can't sleep," she answered. "This is odd, actually, considering that I always fall asleep easily after working overtime." Of course she couldn't sleep after she had just encouraged Heero to leave hours before.
Without a word, Heero sat beside her on the sofa. Relena pulled her legs closer to make room for him. Now that they were just centimetres away from each other, the more she could not sleep. She no longer paid attention to the news.
"What time is it?" she asked.
"2:47 a.m.," said Heero, taking a glance at his wristwatch.
"What time are you going to leave today?"
"6:00 a.m.," answered Heero.
If you were to spend about three hours left with the one you love, with only God knowing if you will still meet again, what would you do?
"For the next three hours," Relena began, turning to Heero. "Can we hold hands?"
There was no hesitation on his part. Heero quickly seized her hand, intertwining his fingers with hers, a perfect fit. Relena shifted so her legs would be on the other side. Then a bit later, her eyes drooped despite her will. She fought to stay awake, wanting to remember every detail, every movement that transpired in her three hours left with Heero. But she was not able to. She could not remember what time she fell asleep, and what her sleeping position was when her consciousness bogged down.
But Heero did. It will forever be imprinted on his mind that he guided Relena's tired body to lay on his arm on the sofa, her rose scent intoxicating him, her even breathing against his chest, her hair that tickled his arms, her hand on his chest that he covered with his own – just simply everything about her. He then wondered if she will be able to know when she wakes up that he had kissed her lips before drifting to his own world, and had wiped away a supposedly clandestine tear from her cheek.
When Relena awoke, it was already morning. She rubbed her eyes to process everything, since there was a pillow on the sofa and a blanket, too. What's missing was Heero. Frantic and just swiftly brushing her hair with her hands, she wrapped her robes around herself and made a beeline to the opened entrance door.
Then there he was by the car in front, putting his luggage at the trunk, with Pagan beside him.
"Heero," she called out.
Heero closed the trunk and walked to her. "I didn't want to wake you."
"Will I see you again?" asked Relena, ignoring his statement.
Heero smiled a little. "Let's leave it to fate."
Relena returned the gesture. She smiled for him, for him to know that she was going to be fine, for him to know that she understood. Since fate had always brought them together numerous times, then for sure they will again.
"Take care. Friends, at least?" she managed to say, despite her difficulty to keep her emotions at bay. "Until I see you again." I love you.
"Until then," said Heero, nodding. He then lifted his hand to tuck stands of Relena's hair behind her ear. He kissed her forehead. "Goodbye." I love you, too.
The moment Heero entered the car; it had started to rain hard. She watched and waved as the car sped out of her mansion's gates, out into the streets, and out of her life.
On the other side of the universe, school had already ended for the day at L1's Aria University. With no one else in the field, Heero Yuy changed into his track and field uniform jersey and shorts. He had chosen a day when there would be no track trainings. After all, he wouldn't want to be seen by his teammates who had all expressed their sentiments when they heard of his pull out from the team.
After running for five kilometres in a span of 13 minutes in the open field of their university, Heero Yuy slowed down from running and walked, still not satisfied. And he knew that nothing ever satisfied him anymore as the news kept on reporting how Relena's wedding was getting nearer and nearer.
He walked towards the nearest bench where he had left his face towel and water bottle, and surprisingly beside them was a red rose petal. Lifting a hand to reach it, Heero's knees then jerked. His knee joints hit the bench, which sent him to the ground.
Lying on his back, he looked at the sky that was a perfect shade of blue – the same as Relena's eyes. He then felt his left hand go numb and ignored it. While his other hand, which was closed into a fist, opened up to reveal the rose petal.
The rain had already ceased by the time Nathan returned to the Darlian mansion. After excusing himself from Quatre and Relena earlier, he had contacted old friends of his for a drink. Since it had been a long time since their last hang-out, and Relena encouraging him to take his time, well he did take his time.
He reeked of alcohol, but still perfectly sober, as he walked along the hallway for the guest rooms. Upon entering the mansion, Nathan headed for Relena's room, just in case she was still awake. However she was not there, and was told by the house helpers that they had seen her in a guest room. Why would she be in a guest room? He would have to ask her tomorrow before they leave for Brussels.
On his way, he met Pagan, who had just finished turning off the lights in the hallway. Nathan greeted the butler politely and asked if he knew in what guest room Relena was in. The butler pointed to the first door to the left. Nathan thanked him as he strode off, but Pagan turned around and called him, "Sir Nathan."
"Yes?" he turned to face the elderly man, now dressed in his pajamas.
"There are some of your clothes in Miss Relena's luggage. I left them in your room today. Good night, Sir." The butler then bowed and walked on the opposite direction.
The door in the hallway was open. When Nathan entered the room, he did not bother turning on the lights for the moonlight that filtered through the glass window was enough for him to make out her figure on the bed.
Relena lay on her side on the bed under the blanket that reached up to her chest. Nathan smiled at her form, until he leaned and reached out a hand to her damp cheek. She had been crying. His smile dissolved, and there was thing pang in his chest at the thought that she had been crying without him.
In their relationship, the only instances when he would see her cry were when she was so stressed at work that it led her to a breakdown. Not because of deep, personal reasons. He then wondered how many nights passed when she would cry behind his back.
Kicking off his shoes, he slid under the covers beside her. His arm snaked its way to her waist and held her close. Relena stirred in her sleep at the movement. Her drowsy eyes half opened and she said, "You're early. Is the mission already over?"
What mission? And he's not early. It's already half past one a.m.
Nevertheless, he nodded and answered, "Yeah." Relena snuggled closer to him, shifting so that her head was pillowed on his arm; her arm went around his waist. As he kissed her goodnight and before heading off to dreamland, it just clicked to him that he had not lent Relena any clothes at all.
Author's Note:
Oh thank god I finally finished this chapter. This one's longer than my usual chapters, since I figured that a bit of flashbacks can maybe shed light on what to come next. Having said that, I'm worried about the transition to the flashbacks. If there are some parts here in which you were confused about the [transitions of the] past and present ponderings of Relena, please do point them out.
Also in this chapter, I figured that Relena may need a friend right now. So there's Quatre! :)
Thank you for the reviews/support, everyone! I hope this chapter is alright for you. Take care!
Back to Tomorrow English translation credits to pinkrazy[at]wordpress.