A/N: Hey guys! With this, the story is halfway done! Eleven more chapters to go! I also have the most wonderful news! I HAVE A NEW JOB! I'm working as a plant waterer in my local Lowe's, and it pays much better than my previous temporary job! My only gripe with it is that I have to be at Lowe's by FIVE IN THE MORNING, but hey, sacrifices have to be made if you wanna make that sweet cash money, and I intend to make the most out of this job.
Chapter 11: Gramps
Time seemed to come at a complete standstill. Yet at the same time, way too much was happening all at once.
Mikleo could only watch as paramedics finally arrived, placing a now unconscious Sorey on a gurney and carrying him out of the ruins. Other people had managed to pull the column off of Sorey's leg, which, as it turned out, was relatively small and didn't outright crush him. Still, the sight of his friend in this condition completely crushed Mikleo. Sorey with gauze around his head. Sorey with a new cast on his left wrist. Sorey with gauze around his bleeding leg. Sorey unconscious and completely limp.
He could only watch as Sorey was loaded onto the ambulance. His heart was screaming at him to join them. Stay with Sorey. Be by his side, just like before. He had tried that before, but the paramedics advised against it, insisting that they start treatment right away. Howling sirens blared as the ambulance made a beeline for the bottom of the hill.
"Mikleo?" Not even hearing Mason's voice was enough to pull the boy out of his fearful reverie. "Sorey's gonna be fine. He's a tough kid."
Fine? Tough? Mikleo wanted to believe him. He knew Mason meant well. But at the same time, a boiling hot sensation suddenly rose in his chest. What did Mason know? He wasn't there to watch Sorey cry his eyes out from the excruciating pain. He didn't spend the past twenty minutes doing everything he could to comfort Sorey and keep him calm-singing to him even-when he was screaming his ears off. Muse, Kyme, Zenrus, and Lailah could see the terror on Mikleo's face plain as day.
"You did a good job calling us here," Kyme told him. "Mason's right. The doctors will take good care of him."
"You idiots!" Zenrus bellowed, stamping one of his feet onto the grass. He stomped right over to Mikleo, who was admittedly still frazzled. "I told you boys not to go into that room, didn't I?!"
"Zenrus, please!" Both Lailah and Muse stepped in between him and Mikleo.
At this point, Mikleo heard nothing. Not even Zenrus's scolding, which only made things worse. All he could see or hear was Sorey. Sorey being carried into the ambulance, just like his own father when he fell to the kitchen floor one day. Sorey, whose painful, agonizing cries still echoed in Mikleo's ears, cutting right into his eardrums. Sorey, whose green eyes were always teary and full of both fear and hope at the same time, who desired to be Mikleo's friend and feared rejection all at once. Sorey, whom Mikleo had seen slowly blossoming over the past month, gradually becoming more and more happy, his sweet, wide, merry smile radiant like the sun.
Sorey, who always talked endlessly about Normin Tales, the Celestial Record, ruins, his favorite foods and books, his late mother, and who always seemed to hold Mikleo in high regard, though Mikleo wasn't quite sure what he did to deserve that.
Sorey, who loved mabo curry, beef bourguignon, and soft-serve vanilla ice cream, who hated the sounds of crying babies, scratchy theater audio, people yelling, and loved the feel of something soft in his hands, like his favorite blanket, Normin plushies, and Mikleo's hands.
Sorey, who worked so hard every single day, whether it was making everyone happy or trying to navigate this strange, neurotypical world, and expected so little in return.
Sorey, who poured his heart out to Mikleo, confiding in him his dreams, fears, and insecurities, the things he didn't think he could share with anyone else.
Sorey, who was always genuinely affectionate with him and craved affection back. As he said, he was always up for a hug and a cuddle.
Sorey, who put his life on the line just to get Mikleo's phone back-a freaking cell phone, a silly little trinket that can easily be replaced-because he knew Mikleo cherished the pictures he took on there. Especially the ones with his father in it.
Sorey, whose life was hanging in the balance right now.
Whirling around on his feet, Mikleo turned to face Muse, shouting, "We are going to the hospital! Right now!"
Muse stepped back, violet eyes wide with alarm, both from the intense energy coming from Mikleo's being and the determined way he looked at her. He didn't ask, "Mom, can we please go to the hospital?" Nor did he even beg, "Mom, please! We have to go to the hospital!" No, he said we're going to the hospital. The fact that he phrased it like that told Muse that her son was serious. Dead serious. Previous experience taught her that when Mikleo wanted something, he was going to get it, and he didn't ask for much.
No. There was no way she could turn down this request-this order.
"Alright," Muse nodded in agreement. "I'll go get my keys and bring the car over."
"I am so giving that boy a talking to when this is over!" Muse didn't get the chance to leave, as Zenrus's roaring ripped her eardrums into two. With a wince, both hands flew to her ears in a futile attempt to block out the awful noise. "How could he be so stupid?!" Zenrus bellowed, his voice rising so high, even Lailah had to back off. "I told him not to go in that room!"
"Gramps! Stop!" This time, Mikleo got in between him and Muse. "It's my fault this happened!" He slammed his palm onto his heart, his voice hitching as he shouted at the old man. "I dropped my phone down there and Sorey only went to get it back for me! That's all!"
Finally, Muse composed herself. "Zenrus. I know you're upset. We all are," She kept her voice calm and collected, even though her insides were doing backflips. "But this isn't the time to be scolding or yelling. You know as well as I do that getting angry won't get us anywhere. The most important thing here is that we need to be there for Sorey."
Zenrus stopped, looking in the woman's direction. She was right. Zenrus was angry-angry at the boys for breaking his rule-but as of now, that was irrelevant. This was not the time for that. Sorey needed him. He needed everyone. Zenrus fell silent as Muse left to get her car. Lailah escorted Zenrus, Kyme, and Mason to her own vehicle. Fortunately, all of them knew which hospital Sorey was being transferred to. The Ladylake University Hospital label was plastered on the side of the ambulance. It wasn't too far by car, but it would take them both about twenty minutes to get there depending on the traffic.
All throughout the ride, Mikleo's thoughts remained on Sorey and Sorey alone. He squeezed his hands into each other, praying, hoping, wishing with all his heart that Sorey would be alright. Sorey's pained, guttural cries still played in his mind like a tape recorder that had no stop button. It didn't necessarily help that this route was all too familiar to him. He and Muse drove down this same road, to the same destination around the time his father passed.
"Mikleo. Sorey will be alright. I'm sure he is," Muse told him reassuringly.
Mikleo said nothing in reply. Muse dropped the subject right then and there, knowing that her son was too lost in thought to really focus on anything else right now. Other than the sound of the motor, the wheels against the concrete roads, and all the other sounds the world bombarded them with, the entire drive was eerily silent. No words were exchanged. But that was enough for the both of them to know that the situation was very grave. What could they possibly say to break the tension right now?
Even as they pulled into the hospital's parking lot, even as Muse checked them all in, even as Zenrus and his party arrived, Mikleo was still silent. They were advised to wait in the waiting room. Mikleo had no problem just sitting in his chair, not doing anything but worry about Sorey's welfare. Muse paced around her part of the room, itching for something to do. Kyme read a magazine. Mason checked his cell phone every ten minutes. Zenrus did nothing but eye the doorway every few seconds. Everyone else in the waiting room was too preoccupied with their own business to notice or care.
The place smelled way too clean, just the way Mikleo remembered. Too sterile, like someone used too much cleaning products on anything and everything. Normally, he wouldn't have minded, as he liked it when things looked and smelled clean. However, the scent of bleach and ammonia hit him like a mighty blow, bringing him back to when he saw his father, lying dormant in a bed, with no life in his eyes. People wore white, the walls were white, and the tile flooring was white. All the white made Mikleo's eyes ache.
Finally, after what seemed to be an eternity, a doctor wearing a white lab coat approached Zenrus.
"Excuse me. Are you Zenrus Shepherd?" The doctor asked, clutching her clipboard.
"Yes, I am," Zenrus stood up from his seat, as did everyone else. "Is Sorey alright? Can we see him?"
If it were possible for people to save the world with only a few words, the doctor did it with aplomb. "Good news. Your grandson is just fine."
Everyone breathed a simultaneous sigh of relief. Mikleo lost all feeling in his legs, falling to his knees and clutching his chest like he was about to have a heart attack. But his heart was overflowing with immense joy and relief.
"Thank God…" That was all he could choke out. Muse knelt down to her son's level and put a gentle hand on his shoulder.
This proved to be a good chance for Lailah to ask the question that had been eating at her for a while. "Sorey's injuries were quite severe, weren't they?" She asked, her voice dropping to a low, solemn lilt. "How is he?"
"He's still unconscious from the shock of it all," The doctor explained. Everyone stopped to listen. "His leg isn't broken, surprisingly, though that was because the column was not only small, but some of the rocks near Sorey's leg broke the fall just enough for the bone to be spared. We did have to stitch his leg up quite a bit, and his left wrist isn't cracked completely, though it did require a cast, so he has to stay in that for about a few weeks. Six or seven at the most."
If Mikleo was relieved before, he was even more so now. He, Zenrus, and everyone else felt as though a million weights had been lifted off their shoulders. Good, so he wasn't injured too badly.
"He's very lucky," The doctor continued. "He didn't fall very far, and had that column been any bigger or ripped through his leg, it might have been broken or worse, enough so that it would require amputation. Not only that, had any debris fallen on his face or his chest, he would surely have died."
Everyone could see Zenrus shivering at that awful thought. No way did they let their imaginations take them that far. The fact that Sorey was alive and well was good enough for them.
"Is it possible to see him?" Kyme asked.
Mason put his phone back in his pocket. "Yeah. Can we?"
"Yes. He's in the recovery room right now."
Something itched at his leg.
That was the first thing Sorey noticed through the darkness. His senses were fuzzy and he wasn't sure which way was up or down.
Other details gradually came to him, like his eyes being closed and something soft and plush covering his whole body from the neck down. Something similar was underneath his head.
Peeling his eyes open, he was blinded by the sheer amount of white that greeted him. Wincing, he squeezed his eyes shut again.
"Ugh...too bright…" He murmured to himself.
"Sorey?"
Gradually, Sorey's ears began to take in sounds. A beeping sound. Beep. Beep. Beep. The clattering of wheels against a tile floor. Mikleo's voice. Wait...Mikleo? Sorey forced his eyes open. At first, everything was blurry. Large, blurry shapes hovered over him, slowly turning into the worried faces of Muse and Mikleo. Worried faces that soon bloomed with relief.
"Sorey! Oh, thank goodness!" Muse held both hands to her chest.
It didn't take much longer for Sorey to see everything else. A white blanket completely covered him from the neck down. He found himself wearing a blue and white hospital gown, his regular clothes missing. Pulling out his left arm, Sorey's eyes shrunk when he saw a blue and white cast confining his arm, from his forearm all the way down to the bottom of his fingers. Then he looked up and saw other faces staring at him. Kyme, Lailah, Mason, and Zenrus, all standing by his bedside.
Before fear could get a hold of him again, a familiar hand slipped into his free one. Sorey turned his head, seeing nothing but relief on the face of his dear friend. He was sure Mikleo was about to burst into tears at any moment, with the way his smile was soft and how glassy his eyes looked. It proved to be a bit too much, so Sorey only focused on his hair.
"I'm so glad you're okay," Mikleo whispered. "You really scared all of us back there."
Sorey couldn't deny that. "Yeah. I'll bet I did. Sorry about that."
A strange giggle bubbled out from Mikleo, his face twisting around like he had seen something really terrible. Sorey shivered. It wasn't a laugh he had heard from him before. It was happy, but it wasn't the kind they shared when they were in the ruins. It sounded sad, but relieved. "You doofus," Unable to resist, Mikleo ran a hand through Sorey's mussed hair. A single tear came running out from one of Mikleo's eyes, dripping onto Sorey's hand.
It was enough to make Sorey's heart completely swell with emotion, instantly recognizing the sincerity and kindness that emanated from him, clear like stained glass. Goodness, Mikleo was here. He really was here. He didn't have to be, but he came to the hospital just to be with him. Their hands were intertwined, Mikleo's soft fingers stroking Sorey's palm, sending a mild, ticklish jolt through them. Sorey could only smile back at his dear friend.
"Is your...phone still working?"
"Yeah. It is," Mikleo smiled again, his eyes crinkling with delight.
Then Sorey turned his head and saw Zenrus. He tensed up, his body becoming rigid. There he was, just standing right next to Sorey's bed with a grim look on his face. Was this a sign of what was to come? Sorey could only hide behind his blankets as he fixated his gaze on the old man's goatee, refusing to meet his eyes.
"We're all happy you're alright, Sorey," Zenrus told him. Sorey couldn't read his voice. Was it happy? Sad? Trying really hard to hide anger? He couldn't tell. But Sorey did remember one thing: Zenrus was the last person he saw before everything went dark.
He sat himself up, wincing as a slight jolt of pain shot through his back. "Easy there," Mikleo held one hand out but didn't touch him, knowing Sorey would want some space.
"What...happened?" Sorey asked, his green eyes still weary from sleep. "I remember everyone gathering around me, and-"
"You passed out," Muse explained. "But goodness, we could all hear you crying from a mile away, you were in so much pain."
Sorey's face turned red. Them having heard him scream like a dying animal was no surprise. Still, it was embarrassing for him to know they heard it in the first place.
"A small column fell on your leg," She continued, explaining to him what the doctor told everyone else. Sorey had fallen to the first floor and broke his wrist. It wasn't broken completely, but it would still require a cast. The column fell on Sorey's leg, but it only managed to lacerate his skin thanks to a rock that happened to hold part of it up, preventing it from going into the bone and crushing his leg. It did require a lot of stitching, and parts of Sorey's back had been cut open as well, so the doctors had to fix those up surgically, mostly to clear out any dirt and bacteria that might have infected him.
Sorey pushed his blanket back to get a good look at his leg. It was completely wrapped in itchy white gauze that scratched at his skin. That explained the strange itch he had been feeling.
"You're lucky, kid," Kyme told him. "The doctors said you could have bled to death easily."
Mason flashed a thumb's up and an energetic grin. "You must be made of steel or somethin'! You're one tough cookie, you know that?"
Sorey frowned. No, he wasn't tough. He knew Mason was only trying to cheer him up and appreciated the effort, but Sorey never saw himself as being tough. Or one of those tough guys who always managed to overcome any obstacle. Better yet, Sorey was sure he might have lost himself completely, had Mikleo not been there. He didn't know what he'd do if he was all alone. The pain was too much. The pain, the silence, the loneliness...what was to come right after this.
That was what Sorey feared most.
"We brought a change of clothes for you," Lailah explained, showing Sorey a shirt and shorts she had brought with him. "The doctors had to take off your old ones, so we brought these just in case."
He figured that would be the case. Whenever he would watch medical shows on TV, doctors and paramedics were always shown cutting off someone's clothes, usually with scissors, so they could have easier access to someone's injuries and treat them more effectively. Clothes would only get in the way. Even so, Sorey couldn't help but feel a pang of grief for the clothes he wore before being taken to the hospital.
Eventually, a doctor came in and said that Sorey was free to be discharged. But he advised that Sorey shouldn't take baths or showers for a while, as the sutures on his legs and back shouldn't be soaked in any way, and the dressing they had to use isn't waterproof. Plus, the wounds still needed some degree of further disinfection after stitching, so he told them to come back tomorrow. He also said that Sorey's wrist wasn't completely broken, but it would need at least six to seven weeks to fully heal. Sorey was thankful that he was right handed. He didn't know what he'd do if he couldn't use his hand for that long. Not only that, the fall broke Sorey's collarbone just a bit, so he was advised to wear a protective support on his torso for two to three weeks.
As happy as Sorey was to know what happened, a woozy, hazy feeling still gnawed at his being. A sense of displeasure that wouldn't go away. Whether it was from the anesthesia or from having passed out, Sorey wasn't sure. Maybe...it was his anxiety regarding what awaited him when he got home? Yeah, that seemed plausible. Mikleo could see that Sorey still looked troubled, from the way he pressed his lips together and his eyebrows furrowed. In fact, Sorey's free hand was flapping up and down a little.
"We'll be going home soon, Sorey," Zenrus assured. "I'll go and pay the bill. Try not to move around too much, or your wounds will reopen," He gently warned as Sorey loaded himself onto a wheelchair that had been provided for him.
Seeing that things were going well, Muse decided to take Mikleo, Kyme, and Mason home herself. But before they left, Mikleo shared a short conversation with Sorey. "That was really stupid, you know."
"I know," Sorey admitted, allowing himself to be at the mercy of Mikleo's scolding. It wasn't like he didn't deserve it, he reasoned to himself. "I'm sorry."
"You got seriously hurt. You could have gotten killed."
"I know."
Eventually, Mikleo's austere expression softened into a grateful smile. "Still...thanks. For getting my phone back," He gently stroke Sorey's cheek with his dainty fingers. Sorey melted into the touch, it felt that good. "Still, don't put yourself in danger like that ever again. We almost lost you. I don't know what I'd do if...you had-" Mikleo's voice was close to breaking.
"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" Sorey answered with a rueful laugh. But his frown came right back. "I'll bet he's pretty mad, though."
"Gramps'll get over it. He always does, and I'm absolutely sure he's not going to disown you, if that's what you're worried about."
Oh, Mikleo. So quick to know when Sorey was worried or bothered about something, and everyone else, for that matter. Yet again, Sorey's heart leaped with joy just from looking at his friend, feeling his tender touch, feeling the worry, relief, and compassion that just seemed to flow right out of him. Sorey couldn't help but wonder if he really deserved someone as awesome, precious, and genuinely sweet as Mikleo worrying about him like this, with Mikleo considering him to be more important than an expensive cell phone.
"I'll see you later, okay?" Mikleo finished.
"Yeah. See ya. When I'm not looking like I got hit by a car."
The two of them shared a laugh at that. Yes, the merry laugh that always made Sorey's heart soar. That was the best sound to ever come out of Mikleo's lips. Far better than his worried screaming and frantic grunting.
But it still didn't push that hazy feeling out of his system. Sorey sat in the back seat of the car, completely silent. The entire drive was silent. No one spoke for a whole twenty minutes. Even as the trio got back to the house, they were silent.
"Sorey," Lailah was the first to speak. "Zenrus is just worried about you. I'm sure he'll understand."
"Don't," Sorey held up a hand, silencing her. "I appreciate it, but...I have to accept whatever punishment he deems fit."
"Sorey," Speak of the devil, Zenrus turned around to face him as they went through the house. "Come with me to the study."
The moment of truth had come. Lailah stayed in the living room, watching worriedly as Sorey and Zenrus ascended the stairs. She wanted to accompany them and be there for Sorey, should things get bad. But Sorey asked her to stay out of it, ready to accept his punishment. As much as she didn't want to, she knew when she needed to back off, so she stayed behind. After all, Sorey was an adult now. Then again...perhaps this might be good for them.
Every step Sorey walked felt like weights had been loaded onto his feet. Zenrus's shoes grinding against the wooden floors squeaked in Sorey's ears, irritating him. Sorey wrapped his arms around himself in preparation for the scolding to come. Zenrus stood before one one of the big bookshelves, his wrinkled face growing very austere. Sorey winced, mentally counting down.
Three. Two. One. Zero.
An explosion filled the study, Zenrus's roaring being the blast itself. "YOU IDIOT!"
Again, Sorey winced. This time, he didn't cover his ears, even though they hurt so much. His left arm was encased in a heavy cast, and he wasn't used to moving it up and down. It was pulling his arm down, and even pulling it up was a bit of a challenge. Immediately, Sorey squeezed his eyes shut, steeling himself. He couldn't cry. He couldn't try to get out of this. There was no escaping his grandfather's wrath. He had been preparing for this for the entire month.
"How could you have gone and done something so stupid?!" Zenrus bellowed, his hoarse voice rising in pitch, hitching. "I told you never to go into that part of the castle, and you did!"
Sorey said nothing. But God, his grandfather's shouting was ripping his ears apart from the inside out. 'No. Don't cover your ears, Sorey,' He told himself bitterly. 'You deserve it. You broke one of his rules. Even if it was for a good reason, you shouldn't have done it in the first place. Just deal with it. Don't try to weasel your way out of this.'
Zenrus wasn't done yet. "Do you have any idea what could have happened?! Look at you!" He pointed to his grandson's cast and bandaged leg. "You've gotten seriously hurt! You're lucky Mikleo was there to help you! Otherwise, you might have died!" Sorey could feel the intense glare Zenrus shot at him. But somehow, the quaver in his voice betrayed his worry.
Quiet submission completely took control of Sorey. No words dared to come out. What could he possibly say? No, he knew what he wanted to say. But of course, he was sure Zenrus wouldn't believe him or even try to take it into consideration. Nobody else did that for him before, so what was the point of trying anymore?
The old man's trembling hands balled into fists. "...Mikleo told me what happened," Gradually, the old man's voice softened, but not by much. "I understand the situation. However, it doesn't change the fact that you disobeyed me," He huffed. "You're grounded for three days. You are forbidden to see Mikleo for that amount of time, starting right now. Understand?"
There was no protest. No complaints, no rebuttals, no whining, no pleading, no begging. Nothing. Sorey simply stared down at his feet, accepting his punishment quietly. He had gone against Zenrus's wishes, so it wasn't as though Sorey didn't deserve some form of punishment. He could live through three days without seeing Mikleo or going to the ruins. Still, something was boiling inside him. Boiling hot, like water that had been put over an open flame. The hazy feeling still lingered, but made worse with the weird, boiling sensation that was dying to come out.
'When are you going to just come out and say it already?' Sorey suddenly thought without meaning to. 'I know what you really want to say! Why are you holding back?!' Already, he could picture Zenrus casting him out into the wilderness. Something unfamiliar was rising in his chest, the boiling feeling intensifying, growing worse, with every word his grandfather spoke.
Zenrus sat down on a chair, his legs beginning to ache again. "I don't want to do this, Sorey, and I shouldn't have to. But you're an adult, now. You know better-"
Know better?
Something finally snapped inside him. All the fear, guilt, and anger suddenly bubbled to the surface. When was Zenrus going to drop this concerned parent act? When was he going to tell Sorey to his face how he really felt? Why was he continuing to lie to Sorey? Why doesn't he just cast him out already? Why doesn't he just admit that he hates Sorey with every fiber of his being? He no longer had any reason to continue lying to the world like this.
As much as Sorey hated to admit it, at least when people were mean to him, they were honest about it. It hurt. It really hurt. It fucking hurt like hell. Nothing could change that. But at least they didn't hide how they felt about him.
"Sorey! Stop acting like that! You know better!"
"So what if the kids are being a little mean to you? That's how kids are! Besides, aren't you technically bringing this on yourself for not being like everyone else? You wonder why nobody wants to be your friend."
"Why did she even bring him along? Couldn't Selene have hired a babysitter to watch him at home? I don't want that kid screaming and throwing a tantrum and breaking my stuff."
"How can you blame us when your child is the bad one?!"
"Can't you put a muzzle on that kid, lady?! He's driving us crazy over here!"
"I'm glad my child is normal. I feel so bad for Selene, having to raise such a troublesome child."
"Do you even care about anyone besides yourself?!"
"Whose fault do you think this is?! Yours! You don't even apologize!"
Zenrus needed to stop lying. Stop lying, right here and now. Sorey was suddenly seeing red, snarling, flashing his clenched teeth. Even now, Zenrus was not only outright lying to him, but patronizing him, continuing to hide his true feelings and act like Sorey couldn't figure it out.
But Sorey knew. He had known since he was very young. He understood more than people assumed. And he hated it. He hated it when people tried to make him feel good when they themselves thought Sorey was just a stupid little boy. In their eyes, they were right and Sorey was always wrong. They always made it very clear to him that Sorey was nothing but a stupid, dumb, defective boy who committed the felonious, horrible crime of not being normal, not being just like everyone else, not adhering to people's impossible rules and expectations for him, who didn't deserve to be understood, listened to, or taken seriously. He would always be a retard in their eyes, even in the eyes of his own extended family, who made it very clear that they not only hated him, but were lying to him right now in a pitiful attempt at normalcy.
Just like Zenrus was doing.
And that made him
So
Gosh darn
ANGRY!
"No!" Sorey suddenly barked. "No! I don't know better!" He shouted, like a dam had burst right open. There was no stopping it now. "I never HAVE known better and I never WILL know better! I can work my butt off every single day, pouring in all my blood, sweat, and tears just to get every little thing right, and I'll still never be able to know better!" Sorey slammed a palm on his chest. "You should have known that when you took me in!"
It was Zenrus's turn to not only be silent, but to find himself completely taken aback. He had never seen Sorey look so angry before. Not since the incident with Taccio. Unable to form words or try to interrupt Sorey, the old man could only sit on his chair as his grandson suddenly exploded into a fiery cloud of anger right before his eyes.
"Why did you even take me in at all?! Why are you even continuing to lie to me after all this time?!"
"Lie to you?"
"I'm sick of this facade you're putting up, Zenrus!" There. He said it. He hissed the name out like it was poison. Now it was out. A clear sign of blatant disrespect. But at this point, Sorey didn't care. He was happy to finally be able to let loose. He didn't care if Zenrus was going to be mad at him again. Let him be mad! Sorey wasn't going to hold back this time. Not anymore. "Why don't you just stop with the games and tell me the truth?!"
"What truth?"
"THAT YOU'VE ALWAYS HATED ME, DAMMIT!" He stamped his foot three times on the wooden floors. Yes, that would convince Zenrus that he made a mistake in taking him in.
Zenrus let out an audible gasp, and a hand almost flew to his mouth. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Not even repeating the words in his mind made it make any logical sense. All he could bring himself to say was, "...I don't hate you."
Unfortunately, that only made things worse. "Yes you do! Stop lying to me!" Sorey shouted, his voice growing hoarse.
"I have never said any such thing."
"You didn't have to!" Sorey snapped back. "I can see and feel it in every fiber of your being! The way you let out those big sighs, the way you and your neighbors look at me when I do something bad like when I yelled at Taccio that time, the way you whisper to the others! Don't you dare try to claim that I don't know, because I do! I'm not an idiot, you know! I know what you and everyone else say about me! I know I'm just an embarrassment to you! Do you really think I can't tell you've always been ashamed of me?!"
Once again, Zenrus said nothing.
"I even remember you yelling on the phone last month! You clearly said, 'I can't do this anymore! I've done everything for him and he doesn't even give me one lick of thanks! Can't you do something about this?!' Do you really think I can't tell that was you trying to convince the agency to take me out of your hands?! Hell, you hated me even when I was very little, before I was diagnosed!"
Sorey was on fire. He allowed his anger to completely swallow him whole, dragging him down. Drowning him. Feasting on him. The shackles he had kept on himself finally came right off, blasted away by a volcanic eruption that was Sorey finally ripping the lid right off. But you know what? It felt good! It felt good to let all of this pent up anger out! Screw it! If everyone expected him to be bad, fine! Might as well be the bad boy everyone expected him to be! Being bad felt good anyway!
"That's not-" Any attempt Zenrus made at trying to reason with him was met with more anger. Sorey gave him no room to get a word in. Sorey didn't want to let him get a word in. He was tired of people talking over him, for him, twisting his words into lies and fabrications for their own convenience anyway.
"Don't you remember that damn memorial service?!" Sorey wasn't roaring. He was downright screaming at this point. Tears finally came bubbling right out. He wasn't even aware that he had been shedding any. "You blamed my mother for my behavior! You blamed her for my not having come out right! You and everybody else there! I may have been only two years old back then, but I still vividly remember two things you said to her! 'You caused our family a lot of shame! It's your fault he's like this! You can't raise him right, that's why he's turned out so selfish!' and 'If this is going to happen from now on, you shouldn't be a part of this family at all!' You were there, and you said it all word for word! You made my poor mother cry! She didn't deserve that! She didn't deserve any of it!"
More silence on Zenrus's end. There was nothing he could do except listen and take it all in, like a sponge absorbing water, growing more damp by the minute. This was a new Sorey he had never seen before. The kind, polite, courteous, quirky Sorey had suddenly morphed into this new person. No, that wasn't quite right. He could see it in his eyes. Sorey had been hiding all of this anger for so long, and was now unleashing it in front of a silent, paper, leatherbound audience. And one old man being at the brunt of it all.
Sorey went on to explain (in more shouting) that all his life, he had grown up hating himself because anything he did always seemed to turn people off to the idea of even looking at him. Hating himself for his imperfections, his autism, his eccentricities, always being at the brunt of either teasing from cruel kids, degradation from adults who couldn't or wouldn't understand him, or the pain of watching his mother be blamed for the things he did, even when all he was trying to do was be nice, help someone, or learn.
He told Zenrus that Sorey spent the majority of his life trying so, so, so hard to get everything right and be the perfect person people wanted him to be, and even when he did get things right, he would still get yelled at or rejected. Zenrus didn't know what it was like to constantly be judged 24/7, and over really stupid things that didn't really affect anyone long term. The years of ostracization, isolation, continual rejection no matter how hard he tried to do things right. It made him feel like nothing he did would ever amount to anything...even that his own existence in and of itself was some kind of crime, a mistake made by God or Maotelus. All he ever wanted was to be accepted, but people all around him were repulsed by him and his eccentricities, pushing him away and repelling him if he even so much as tried to say hi.
"Why did you even take me in?!" Sorey barked. "Don't act like you're concerned about me! Why would you even want to take in someone like me anyway?! Better yet, why haven't you disowned me by now?! Isn't that what you've always wanted to do this entire time you've had me?! That's why I never called you anything, not even Grandfather! You have the power to take everything I have away from me! How can I love someone who I know hates my guts?! Now's your chance to do what you've been dying to do this entire month!"
This time, there was no holding back. He bent over in a 90 degree angle, like he was bowing, but he wasn't. "WELL?! GO ON! DISOWN ME ALREADY! GET ME OUT OF YOUR GODDAMN HAIR SO YOU CAN GO BACK TO YOUR NORMAL HAPPY LIFE!"
His lungs burned. Fat tears clung to his eyelashes, and even bigger droplets spilling out from his eyes, leaving glimmering tracks down his cheeks. Most of them dripped onto the floor. He fell to his knees, unable to continue any longer. Other than the sound of Sorey's hoarse, heavy breathing and wretched sobbing, the entire study was completely silent. No one stirred. Zenrus didn't even move from his chair. All he could do was watch his grandson melt into a quivering, trembling, heartbroken heap of a boy.
It was Zenrus's turn to let the tears flow this time. It was enough to make Sorey stop heaving, stunned by the strange sight before him.
"Oh, Sorey...my dear boy…" There was no anger. No trace of severity, hatred, or anger at all. Instead, Zenrus sounded just as heartbroken as Sorey was right now. No longer was he a stern old man. Now, he was small, weak, and completely heartbroken, like he saw another one of his children die before their time. "All this time, you've been so afraid to even get close to me...because you always believed I hated you...that I would disown you…"
Just hearing it made Sorey's heart completely shatter.
Using his sleeve, Zenrus wiped his own tears. "I suppose it's time for me to tell you the truth," He shifted himself from the chair, sitting down on the floor, arranging his arthritic legs into a pretzel shape. "I do remember the memorial service. Vividly, in fact. In a way, you are correct. I do remember saying one of those sentences. 'If this is going to happen from now on, then you shouldn't be a part of this family at all.' I did say that."
Sorey winced. So it was true after all.
"But listen up and listen good. It wasn't directed at you."
What? Sorey looked up, focusing his gaze on Zenrus's goatee.
"I said it to your father."
"My...father?" For a moment, Sorey thought his ears were playing tricks on him. "What does he have to do with this? He's been dead for decades."
Zenrus folded his hands. "Your mother lied to you. Your father didn't die. He's still alive," The old man told him in a low whisper.
Still alive? He never died? Sorey was sure something wasn't right. "That can't be right! I've never even met him!"
"There's a reason for that, Sorey. It has to do with what happened at the memorial service," Zenrus began. "I want to tell you the truth. Here's what really happened…"
Zenrus stood in the front of a temple, dressed in a sharp black suit with a white shirt and a dark purple tie. He tied his hair back with a gold hair bun, but he still couldn't help but think he felt out of place. Cliques of people were all around him, all talking amongst themselves. Men, women, children, all dressed in formal raiment. They all looked sharp and full of energy. Soon, a dark blue car pulled up, catching his attention. Selene came out from the front seat, accompanied by another man, a little taller and more stoic than she. The man went on ahead, passing right by Zenrus as the latter watched Selene open the door to the backseat.
"Come on, Soren," Selene stood over a toddler, wrapping a small hand around his arm. "We have to go inside."
"Uuuugh!" The brown haired baby whined, clutching his favorite blue teddy bear. Soren had no intention of going outside.
"Soren, please. You can play with your bear in the temple," Selene pulled the whining boy out of his seat and carried him in her arms. She turned around to meet her father at eye level. "Oh! Father! I didn't see you there."
"It's alright, Selene," Zenrus reasoned. All of a sudden, another group of people gathered around them, namely her husband and two women.
"Hello, Selene. Is something wrong?" A short haired woman asked, holding a two-year-old girl in her arms.
"I'm sorry. Soren's been rather fussy lately," Selene answered sheepishly. "I'll catch up with you."
"Hello, Soren!" An older woman leaned in, smiling. "It's me, your grandma!" Little Soren paid no attention, focusing only on manipulating his teddy bear's soft arms.
"Mother, you can talk to him after this," Selene told her. "I'll catch up with you."
With that, Selene's husband joined his family and made their way to the temple. Selene, Soren, and Zenrus were all alone in front of the blue car. As soon as they were out of sight, Selene exhaled a sigh. Zenrus arched an eyebrow. That was a tired sigh, one he heard all the time.
"You don't sound good," Zenrus commented. "Is everything alright?"
"It's fine, Father. Let's go inside," Selene made a beeline for the temple.
No, she wasn't alright. He could see it in her face. Subtle bags hung from underneath her eyes, and her green eyes were strangely glassy, like she was about to burst into tears at any given moment. She also looked oddly rigid, like she wanted to be as still as a mannequin, and her voice was quivering. Did something happen? Zenrus could only scratch his head in wonder. He had wanted to offer her some advice. He made a mental note to ask her about her day after the service. After all, he, his daughter, and his grandson were at a family memorial service. Perhaps it was because she was surrounded by her husband's family, her in-laws.
Zenrus came inside and took his seat on Selene's right, with Soren on her left, leaving her in the middle. A long winded speech took up most of the introduction. But when Zenrus leaned over to get a look at Soren, he was surprised. Soren didn't look happy at all. Not even his blue teddy bear comforted him. Soren kept looking away, staring at nothing, and had a very perturbed look on his chubby face. Then someone slammed on some drums, the sound booming through the entire temple, and Zenrus saw Soren's eyes suddenly shrink in alarm.
That wasn't a good sign.
"Selene," Zenrus gently tapped his daughter's arm. "I think you should take Soren-"
"Father. Not now," Selene hissed.
"Uuuuugh…" Soren whimpered, holding his tiny hands over his ears. Already, Zenrus could figure it out. Maybe the drums were scaring him. If this continued, something bad would happen.
"Selene. Soren's upset, and I think the drums-"
"Not now, Father," Selene hissed louder this time.
"If you want, I can take him with me-"
"This isn't the time!"
All of a sudden, a piercing wail made the entire audience turn to face Selene in a combination of shock, bewilderment, and anger. Soren cried and screeched like he was being kidnapped, hitting himself on the head with his fists, complete with tears streaming down his face. People were already starting to yell, their faces all twisting in anger. Selene was quick to grab the still screeching Soren and scramble out of the temple, even before someone yelled, "Take him outside!" Zenrus gave chase soon after. His legs didn't work as well as they used to, but he saw the tears in his daughter's eyes. No way was he going to not be there for her.
Selene didn't go very far. Zenrus could still hear Soren's bawling, even as he exited the temple. The noise led him to a small clearing behind some bushes. Selene was on her knees, silently letting tears spill down her cheeks, looking completely broken. Soren was still screaming, hitting his head with his hands, paying no attention to anything else going on around him. Zenrus pushed through the bushes and kneeled to his daughter's level.
"It didn't go well. He didn't keep quiet…" Selene whimpered, her voice small and weak. That didn't suit her at all.
"Selene, dear…" Zenrus put a reassuring hand on his daughter's shoulder.
"I'm sorry, Father. I just don't get it…"
"I think the drums and the chanting were scaring Soren," Zenrus explained. "I did try to warn you, but I can understand why you wanted to stay," Gradually, Soren's cries died down into sad, weak whimpers. His hands were no longer hitting his head. "You have been troubled as of late. Would you like to talk about it?" He kept his voice as calm and soft as possible. The last thing he wanted to do was exacerbate her melancholy.
With a big sniff, Selene wiped some tears away with one hand. "Soren...isn't like other kids. I took him to a doctor, and they say he might have something called autism," Even as her weak voice kept trembling, she went on to explain that the doctor told her that it was a developmental disorder that affects the brain. Soren hadn't been meeting his developmental milestones. He can't talk, only eats certain foods and nothing else, screams if he hears or feels certain sounds or sensations that he doesn't like, hits himself when he gets frustrated, etc.
"I see," Zenrus took in everything Selene told him, like a sponge sucking up water. "So Soren's just different, that's all. Don't blame yourself for this, Selene."
Selene flashed a sad smile in his direction, happy that he understood. Unfortunately, not everyone in her family felt the same way.
"Selene!" Her husband came storming towards them, his face red and the very picture of rage. Immediately, Soren crawled back into his mother's arms, overwhelmed by the sudden-and very vitriolic-appearance of his father. "Do you have any idea what you just did?!" He roared, his voice booming in every direction.
Immediately, Soren began whimpering, holding his hands over his ears. Selene stood up in alarm, carrying her baby. "Percival! What?" Even Zenrus couldn't help but find himself stunned stupid. Why was Percival blaming her for what happened?
Percival balled his hands into shaking fists. "Why is he like this? My sister's child is behaving well! I've told you how important this was to me, and you have the nerve to shame me in front of my whole family!"
Unable to take it anymore, Soren burst into a new fit of crying. Similarly, Zenrus threw himself between his daughter and son-in-law, enraged. "Hold on, now! Is that any way to talk to my daughter?!" Zenrus bellowed. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Percival was Selene's husband. True, he did have some right to be frustrated, as Soren screaming did disturb the ceremony some. But to blame Selene for it and make it into a huge deal? Acting like Selene had committed some kind of felonious crime? That was completely unnecessary and uncalled for in his mind.
"Father, please," Selene begged, bouncing Soren in her arms in an attempt to calm his crying. Alas, it didn't work.
Before Zenrus could go on, Percival completely ignored the old man, continuing his tirade. "I told you to keep that kid quiet, and you're too stupid to even do that right!"
"Percival! I've been trying to tell you this all month! I-" Selene tried to stand up for herself, but the irate man was giving her no room to explain herself.
"My mother was right about you!" Percival bellowed, the veins in his head ready to pop. "You caused our family a lot of shame! It's your fault he's like this! You can't raise him right, that's why he's turned out so selfish!"
If words could be arrows that shot through someone's heart, Selene could feel them piercing right through her own. She winced, holding a still crying Soren close to her bosom. Every time Percival talked, the arrow seemed to twist around, making more blood spill forth. She was already struggling to hold back her tears. Nothing she wanted to say would come out. This was a stone wall she knew she couldn't break down.
Thankfully, Zenrus wasn't about to let this go on. He didn't dare listen to more of this nonsense. "How dare you talk to Selene like that! Is your reputation really all you care about?!" Zenrus roared, managing to singlehandedly stun Percival into silence. The old man wagged his finger at the younger man like he was a father scolding a naughty child. Boy, was it satisfying. "Nobody's causing anyone any shame here! The drums were bothering Soren, and Selene's been doing everything she can to raise him the way she knows how! You're her husband, for God's sake! You should be supporting her and loving her and your child no matter what! And what have you done for them?! Nothing! You won't even listen or try to understand them!"
"But-" Percival tried to interrupt, but Zenrus, ever firm and steadfast, zipped his lips with just a flick of his finger.
"If anyone's been shameful here, it's you! It's shameful that you care more about what your family thinks of you than being a good husband and father to your wife and child!" Zenrus was on a roll. He wasn't holding back anymore. Not this time. "If this kind of shameful behavior is going to happen from now on, then you shouldn't be a part of this family at all!"
Other than Soren still crying, all three adults were silent. Unable to say anything more, Percival simply pressed his lips together, silencing himself. After a tense silence, Percival turned around and finally hissed, "We're starting dinner, but please don't come. Both of you. I'll tell the others you're not feeling well," His voice was soft, but his words were hard, burning like acid.
"Bah! We don't need your bullshit!" Zenrus roared. "We have better things to do with our precious time than waste it on selfish, unfeeling hypocrites like you anyway!"
With that, Percival was gone. But Selene succumbed to a new fit of crying, right along with her son, who continued to cry. His heart broke at the sight unfolding before him. His daughter and grandson both wailing. Hurting from being degraded and demeaned by the person who should have been someone who would support them, help them, understand them, love them for everything they are, flaws and all. Someone they could rely on. Obviously, Percival wasn't that man. That hurt most of all.
"Selene...let's go home," Zenrus suggested gently, stroking his daughter's hair. "I'm sure Soren wants some peace and quiet."
Flashing another sad smile, she nodded and stood up. "Thank you, Father. I never meant to cause all this trouble."
"You didn't, dearie. Don't say that. We can get through this together. Besides, I hear his sister Lauren isn't that good of a cook anyway, so we definitely don't need to go to that pesky dinner."
For once, Selene giggled.
Sorey was absolutely speechless. Other than a choked, "I…" He couldn't say anything else, even after Zenrus finished telling the story. Somehow, the study they sat in no longer felt like it was trying to swallow them whole. Eventually, Sorey found his voice. "I...I had no idea...you stood up for me and Mom?"
The old man gave a slow nod. "I did. Didn't Selene tell you that part of the story?"
As far as Sorey could remember, his mother only told him that story once. After that, they never mentioned it again. She might have mentioned Zenrus, but Sorey might not have paid much attention, he assumed. He didn't remember her telling him that Zenrus stood up for him. Maybe he had left the room before she had a chance to? Maybe she did tell him and Sorey didn't believe it? Or maybe he just tuned it all out. It was so long ago. Sorey wasn't sure exactly how it played out. "She might have, but I don't remember too well," A pang of guilt shot through him. Sorey wished he could give his grandfather a better answer, but he had nothing else to offer.
Then, Zenrus rummaged through a large drawer in his desk and pulled something out. In the old man's hands was an old, withering shoebox, filled from corner to corner with envelopes. Many envelopes in a whole rainbow of colors. Some of them were thin, others were filled to bursting with folded paper, most of which were yellow, probably from the passage of time.
"I know you're not one to just believe what people say," Zenrus told him. "And no one can read minds or see into the past. I know you always want stone hard facts. This is all the proof I can offer you," He handed the shoebox to Sorey. "These are all the letters Selene wrote to me over the years. Most of them take place after the incident," His voice suddenly turned hard. "I want you to read these."
Sorey's arms trembled as he held the shoebox in his hands. It was light, but to Sorey, it felt like a big stack of bricks, ready to fall right out of his shaking arms. Zenrus kept his distance, but he continued to speak. "Sorey...I know you think I don't love you. But I do. More than you can imagine. I won't force you to change your opinion of me, and I don't expect you to...but I do want you to know this," He slipped a wrinkled hand into Sorey's fingers, taking care not to brush against the cast. "I have never hated you, nor have I ever been ashamed of you or embarrassed of you."
"But…" Sorey stammered. "What about that phone conversation a month ago? I heard you yelling. Weren't you saying that I was ungrateful-"
"No no. You've misunderstood," Zenrus clarified. "I wasn't yelling at someone about you. Not at all. I was yelling at my lawyer. He was supposed to help me confront a scam artist and get some money that I was conned out of, but he did nothing but jerk me around, and he turned out to be just as greedy and corrupt. The things people will do to get their way these days...it's stupid, isn't it? I know you probably think I'm lying, and I don't have any hard proof I can show you, but...that's what really happened."
Finally, the door to the study opened. Lailah poked her head into the room. "Zenrus? Your tea is ready."
Zenrus flashed a smile in her direction. "Thank you, dear. I'll be right down," With that, the old man left the room, leaving Sorey alone with his thoughts.
Like before, Sorey was at an impasse. He wanted to believe everything Zenrus said. He wanted to believe that Zenrus was telling the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. That Zenrus really did love him. But for all Sorey knew, Zenrus might have been lying to him again. He didn't want to just believe everything he said without thinking this through. Looking down at the packs of letters before him, Sorey wondered if they could give him the answers he needed. The answers he yearned for all his life.
Mikleo believed in Zenrus with his whole heart. Why couldn't Sorey? The fact that Zenrus even bothered to talk to him about all of this had to mean something, right?
With that in mind, Sorey took to his room and did nothing but read the letters, one by one. Morgrim kept him company, snuggling against his arms and legs, relishing the boy's comforting presence without a care in the world. Sorey made sure to read the letters in chronological order, which was easy, since Zenrus arranged them all that way to begin with. The words Sorey read were definitely Selene's. He recognized her blocky handwriting, her habit of capitalizing everything even when it wasn't needed, and how bunched together some words would get, making it hard to read sometimes. But Sorey read every single word, his heart thrumming at certain paragraphs his green eyes drank in.
One letter, which took place a week after the incident, tugged at Sorey's heart like no other.
Dear Father,
I've done it. I've asked Percival for a divorce. After the memorial service, I tried to explain things to him, about Soren's diagnosis. But he wouldn't have any of it. He doesn't believe Autism is real, and still continued to go on and on about how I didn't raise him right, acting as though I'm the reason Soren cries and throws tantrums. We got into a huge fight, and he left. You were right about Percival all along. I never should have married him. He really was a selfish prude. He only cares about himself and his reputation. Figures. I don't need him in my life. Soren doesn't need him either. I never needed a man in my life in the first place.
What matters to me now is Soren and his future. I know I'm not the best mother in the world, and I'll always worry about what the future will hold for him. But I'm his mother, and it's my job to understand him and love him with all my heart. Isn't that what you told me, Father? You're right. It makes no difference to me whether he's autistic or not. He's still Soren, my sweet little baby boy who deserves the whole world. That's what's most important. Maotelus gave me Soren for a reason, and I'm grateful to him for giving him to me. Soren needs a mother right now, and I intend to give him everything I have and make sure he succeeds in life.
I'm only sorry I never listened to your concerns about Percival back when we first met. But I suppose you'll probably say this: think of every mistake as a learning opportunity. You were right. There's no point in dwelling on this anymore. Soren begins his Early Intervention sessions next week, and he has to go three times a week. I'll let you know how he's doing soon. I love you, Father.
Sincerely,
Selene Sophia Shepherd
The letters afterward were much happier. Selene talking about how much progress Soren had made. How Soren came to be known as Sorey when he turned five years old. Sorey getting along well with kids he befriended in school. Selene convincing her district to allow Sorey to go to preschool in the next district so he could receive the services he needed. How Sorey and his friends managed to convince their school to help get a child abuser thrown in jail and save a girl who really needed help, who eventually became one of Sorey's best friends. Selene thanking her father profusely for convincing her that Soren, whether he was autistic or not, always deserved love, affection, and respect, and how nothing but good came from understanding him and how his mind worked, flaws and all. Some of the letters were rather somber, such as this one, written when Sorey was beginning his sophomore year of high school.
Dear Father,
I know you told me I should tell Sorey about Percival. Believe me, I've wanted to tell him so many times. But in the end, I've decided against it. What good will come of telling Sorey the truth about his father? I have a feeling that Sorey will believe the things Percival said about him way back when, and I don't want him blaming himself for things that aren't his fault. He still has problems with his self-confidence and low self-esteem.
The social worker at school told me that he sometimes cries and hits himself during class, usually when he gets a question wrong or gets so anxious and overwhelmed he can't function. Me and some of Sorey's teachers are working on trying to address the problem and understand why Sorey hurts himself the way he does. I think telling Sorey about Percival will only exacerbate his self-esteem issues, and I don't want to add to his insecurity. He's already dealing with kids who have been bullying him. I don't want Sorey to think that it's his fault that Percival left the family, because it isn't. Percival is the one at fault for not accepting Sorey for who he is and loving him. I told him he died in a car accident. The truth may prove to be too painful for him, and the last thing I want is for Sorey to be sad or blame himself for the things his father did.
Honestly, I prefer that Sorey not associate with that hypocrite. I actually saw Percival the other day. Only at a distance, though. He didn't see me. He was with another woman. They were kissing and sharing funny stories. I can't bring myself to forget the things he did to us, but I do hope he is happy with his new life. I'm honestly surprised I didn't deck him right then and there. I wanted to so badly.
Forgive me, as I know this isn't the answer you wanted. But I've made my decision because I want Sorey to be happy, for himself, with himself, and Sorey's happiness is what matters most to me. Besides, Sorey has no memories of Percival, which is good, because we don't talk about him at all. I don't even keep any pictures of him in the house. I hope you find it in your heart to understand. Other than that, Sorey has been doing well, for the most part. He recently got a very good grade on a book report he did for English class. I'll send you a copy so you can read it yourself when you have time. It's very impressive! Even his teacher had nothing but positive things to say about it and was absolutely glowing.
Sincerely,
Selene
P.S. I've included Sorey's report card and some pictures of when he and I went to the Lamorak Trails.
Sorey's breath hitched a little. So Zenrus was right about Sorey's father. Selene had lied to him, but it was to protect him and his happiness. The boy knew from experience that Selene would go to any length to make sure he was happy. He had seen and heard it first hand.
Hugging him when he would cry after a bad day at school. "I'm here, Sorey. It's okay. Those bullies aren't worth it," She had whispered to him one time, squeezing him so tight, the sadness was sure to get squelched right out of him.
The first day she began teaching him how to cook. "There's going to be a time in your life when I won't be around anymore to make your meals for you. I think it's high time I taught you how to cook. Do you want to try your hand at it? I can show you, and we can start with the simple stuff," She never got angry, even as he would accidentally squeeze the maple syrup bottle too hard, or spilled the sugar all over the floor.
Keeping herself calm and composed in the middle of the park as she tried to calm a screaming, seven-year-old Sorey, even as people stared at her in both awe, confusion, and disgust. "He's not throwing a tantrum. He's just overwhelmed right now. Let me handle this. If you're not going to help us, then leave us alone."
The day one of Sorey's teachers called her into a meeting regarding the kids throwing clay through a window. "Sorey would never do something like that! If the teacher had just done her goddamn job, we wouldn't be in this meeting right now! You should be talking to that kid Liam's parents, not me!"
All of the letters had something in common: Selene talked very highly of Sorey, and implied that she spoke highly of Zenrus as well. No, she adored her father. Sorey was so absorbed in reading the letters that several hours had passed. Lailah had to call him down for dinner, to which he happily obliged, as he was feeling rather hungry. After dinner, a shower, and blow drying his hair, he went back to reading the letters his mother wrote. Just reading them made his heart swell with warmth. It was like he was learning new things about his mother that he never knew before.
He had always thought of Selene as the best mother in the world. It always hurt his heart when he would see or hear people they had met in Camlann claim she was just a stupid, incompetent woman who spoiled her child rotten, condoned bad behavior, and allowed him to throw tantrums, and did nothing at all to even help or understand them. Even her husband's family scorned her. Sorey knew in his heart that they were all wrong about her. She wasn't a saint, obviously, but she definitely didn't deserve to be called all of those vile, degrading things used so freely by the unkind people who couldn't or wouldn't understand them. She was just a woman, his mother, who loved him with all her heart, nothing more, nothing less.
Even Zenrus understood that.
One of her very last letters especially cut right through all of Sorey's preconceptions of the old man completely, tearing them to shreds.
Dear Father,
I don't think I've ever truly thanked you for everything you've done for me and Soren, have I? I might have, but it's nowhere near enough. So, I'll say it again: thank you, Father. For everything. For helping me realize what's really important. For encouraging me to move forward, even when I was at the lowest point of my life. There's never a day that goes by that I don't feel blessed to have Sorey in my life. I can't think of having a life without my Sunshine (Sorey knew she capitalized it on purpose, as that was the affectionate nickname she used for him a lot of the time). Sorey graduated high school with honors, and he received several awards. I'm the proudest mother in the world. Seeing him so happy really makes my heart soar.
To think one of the doctors who diagnosed Sorey told me that he would never be able to talk, and recommended that I institutionalize him forever, claiming he would be nothing but a burden on me. To that I say: screw him. No child is ever a burden, and anyone who dares to think that, especially over something that isn't the child's fault, shouldn't be a parent at all.
And I wouldn't be the person I am today without you, Father. I know Mother's death has always been hard on you. I only wish I could have done more. But I know that you adore Sorey just as much as I do. Anyway, the reason I'm writing to you right now is that I'm thinking about going to Elysia and visiting you sometime, and taking Sorey with me. I really want him to see you again. I don't know why, but whenever I mention you to him, he always seems to be a little afraid, and he tenses up and turns rigid. With all that's happened, I really want Sorey to see the real you, because I have a feeling once he warms up to you, you two might join at the hip. You both love books, ruins, and history. But I do want to understand why he gets scared when I mention you. I'll ask him about it later. I plan on having a girls night out with some friends, and I'm sure it'll be fun! I know Sorey will be alright. He deserves a little break from silly me too, after all!
I hope to hear back from you soon, Father! Sorey and I would love to visit you, and we have so much more to talk about!
Ever your loving daughter, always and forever,
Selene
P.S. I'm also thinking about visiting Muse, should we ever go to Elysia. I can't believe I never had the chance to introduce Sorey to her, and she's been my friend since high school! I bet they'll become great friends, and she has a son the same age as him! Silly me!
The tears returned once more. This time, they weren't tears of anger or frustration. Never before had he ever been so happy to be wrong about someone. How completely wrong he had been about Zenrus all this time. Mikleo was right. Lailah was right. Mason, Kyme, Muse, everyone was all right about Zenrus. Agatha was completely wrong about him as well. How dare she convince him that Zenrus was a cold, stern, unfeeling disciplinarian.
How often had he sat awake in the middle of the night contemplating the day when Zenrus would cruelly cast him out, simply for existing? How often had he prayed to disappear from this cruel world, cursing it for taking his mother away and changing his life forever? How often had he thought that fate had a grudge against him, thinking it fun to convince him that he and his mother were pariahs even amongst their own family?
Sorey put the letters back. No more fear. No more hesitation. It was time to break down this wall he had set up for himself once and for all.
Night fell rather pleasantly. Sorey peeked into his grandfather's room, seeing the old man sitting in his bed, reading a large book. Sorey gently knocked on the door. Without a word, Zenrus smiled, gesturing the boy to come in. This time, the boy didn't hesitate. Steeling himself, he crawled into bed with the old man, the tears still flowing.
"I…" Sorey tried to speak. His vocal cords were close to shutting down again. No, he couldn't let them shut themselves off. This time, he wanted to talk to Zenrus. His grandfather. "I always thought...that you hated me for being...autistic...for being what I am. I mean, people like me were unheard of in your generation, right?"
Zenrus chose this moment to speak. "I want to tell you something," He began, his hoarse voice soft and warm, like fresh bread. "When I heard the news of your mother's death, I was beside myself with grief. Just like you were. She had sent me a letter the week before, and I was going to tell her that I'd be happy for you and her to come and visit for a week or two," Sorey could hear the sad quiver in his voice. "I had buried several children throughout my lifetime. But I knew for a fact that you would suffer just as much for it. The minute I thought about you, I called every agency I could contact, begging them to let me have custody of you."
The old man told Sorey about how it took him a week to convince the powers that be to hand Sorey over to him. It was a tough, tedious process, and many people he talked to claimed that Zenrus wouldn't be a good fit to raise him. They cited his declining health, his age, and the fact that Sorey was a legal adult, someone who should know better and be able to care for himself, as reasons to dissuade Zenrus from even taking him in. But he didn't give up. Zenrus spent hours on the phone, trying to convince someone, anyone, to give Sorey over to him. He wasn't going to let Sorey spend the rest of his life homeless and begging on the streets. Not when his life was finally starting to truly begin. Finally, Zenrus managed to get legal custody of Sorey, and hearing the news made him absolutely ecstatic.
To say Sorey was flabbergasted would be the understatement of the millennium. Again, he was only too happy to be wrong about someone. More tears bubbled forth.
"The social worker who...who worked my case...Miss Agatha...she told me that you were strict and mean, that you expected perfection from everyone. Even Lailah," Sorey went on to tell him about how rude, condescending, and unsympathetic Agatha was, the whole time they traveled to Ladylake.
"Well. I don't know who in their right mind would assign someone like that to your case," Zenrus commented. "She's wrong about me and you. For all we know, she might have mistaken me for someone else. Don't worry, Sorey. If she ever tries to give you a hard time again, I'll be sure to put her in her place."
Everything the old man said oozed sincerity. Sorey could feel it in his soul. He began choking out loud whimpers. "Oh God...all this time...you've been nothing but nice to me...doing all these nice things for me and trying to make me happy...and I've been nothing but an ungrateful brat!" Sorey wailed into his hands.
Just like when Sorey first came to Elysia, Zenrus reached a hand out in an attempt to console the crying boy. Then he stopped, wondering if it was a good idea. Sorey didn't like being touched without permission. The support book said so. The memory of Sorey swatting his hand away was still fresh in his mind. Sorey pulled his face out of his hands, seeing the wrinkled hand outstretched before him. But instead of fear, Sorey craved for the touch. The soft, warm, gentle feel of a reassuring hand hugging him, stroking him, letting him know that everything was alright.
God, Sorey wanted it so, so, so bad.
With a loud cry, Sorey wrapped his unbroken arm around Zenrus, with his other arm keeping a lower distance, and bawled into the old man's chest. Undeterred, Zenrus simply hugged his grandson, rubbing his back gently, up and down. Sorey melted into his grandfather's pajama shirt, his tears leaving big stains. But neither of them cared at this point. They were just too happy to finally get these feelings out of their systems. This time, Sorey was no longer afraid. He allowed himself to cry freely, now knowing that Zenrus wouldn't even think of disowning him over something so trivial.
"I'm sorry...I'm so sorry...for being so rude and terrible...for everything…"
"It's alright, my boy. I know you mean well, in all things. Don't ever think that I don't love you. Not ever. I remember your first night here. I could hear you crying so terribly, and it truly hurt me so to hear you so sad and in pain. That night, I swore on my life that I would make sure to do nothing but raise you and see to it that you have a future filled with happiness."
This time, Sorey believed it. He didn't question it anymore. Now he knew for absolute certain that his grandfather loved him.
"If you want, you can stay here with me tonight."
"Thank you…" Sorey took in a huge sniff. Then… "Grandfather."
Zenrus inhaled sharply, an inaudible gasp. Something bloomed inside both him and Sorey. It was as though they had carried seeds inside their hearts, unaware that they could not only blossom into flowers, but explode into a whole garden. The gardens blossomed radiantly when Zenrus consoled his crying grandson, so softly and with so much tender love. The two of them fit so perfectly together. Sorey kept his eyes closed, taking in everything about his grandfather, no longer rejecting him out of fear. His soft goatee, the way his hands tenderly massaged his aching back, the faint scent of lavender and honey on his pajama shirt, obviously from the laundry detergent, everything.
Before long, the two of them had fallen dead asleep, flying off to dreamland, happy and content. Together.
The very next morning, when Sorey woke up, without his grandfather next to him, the boy knew exactly what he wanted to do to start the new day.
Always an early riser, Zenrus always started his day waking himself up by sitting at the dining room table, taking in all the sights. Sorey found him at the usual spot, reading the newspaper to himself in silence. This time, Sorey was no longer gripped with fear or trepidation if he even so much as looked at his grandfather, or if Zenrus looked his way. Quietly, Sorey tip-toed behind the old man, like he was going to pull a funny prank, like put his hands over his eyes.
Sorey wouldn't do that, of course. Instead, Sorey wrapped his arms around the old man, making him drop his newspaper on the table. This time, Sorey beamed brighter than the morning sun outside.
"Mooooorning, Gramps!" Sorey greeted him with more cheer than a cheerleader, his soothing voice loud and clear, smile wide and teeth on full display. Sorey nuzzled his grandfather's shoulder right afterward, relishing in his softness.
The old man's heart warmed at the kind gesture. Yes, this was what he wanted all along. "Good morning, Sorey."
Without warning, Sorey suddenly pressed his lips onto the old man's hollow cheek, giving him a soft, tender kiss. Zenrus barely reacted, but it was so full of love. "I love you," Sorey told him in a gentle whisper.
Zenrus's smile stretched wider, cutting right through his aging cheeks. A wrinkled hand caressed Sorey's working hand, squeezing it lovingly. "Me too, Sorey. Me too."
The walls had finally come tumbling down. Sorey wondered why he ever put them up in the first place. "I'll make breakfast for you today!" Sorey let go of his grandfather and made a beeline for the kitchen. "My treat! That way Lailah can have a break."
"I'd like that very much. Thank you."
Sorey let out a merry laugh as he pulled out the ingredients he needed to begin the new day. The next three days were going to be wonderful, Sorey told himself. Sure, he wouldn't be able to spend time with Mikleo, but that was alright. He figured the latter would like a little break from Sorey for a while anyway. Mikleo could wait. After all, Sorey was sure the three days would go by rather quickly, now that he found someone else he could spend time with.
Perhaps being grounded wouldn't be so bad after all.