A/N: Not sure I'll get around to posting tomorrow morning so putting this up a day early. Wishing any fellow Canadians reading a happy Thanksgiving weekend! :)

Chapter 11

Albany, New York

Both Esposito and Ryan told him that they should be the ones here next time she woke. But Castle wasn't having any of it. Not anymore.

The only thing he'd conceded to was Javier coming here to give him a pee break and a chance to stretch his legs in the hospital hallway.

He'd also let them bring him a sandwich and a coffee by the time five o'clock rolled around. A bunch of doctors had come in to poke and prod her and take some more blood, but even that hadn't woken her up.

Now it was close to eight o'clock and he'd spent the entire day sitting in this room. Watching. Waiting.

Not that he minded. Because Kate was here and alive and he still had a hard time digesting that fact.

After the boys realized that Castle wasn't going to let them kick him out of the hospital room for Beckett's well being, Ryan headed back to New York City. Meanwhile Castle had four voicemails on his phone. Three from Hayley and one from Alexis. He hadn't listened to any of them.

But he had glanced at the latest text from his wife.

-If you don't answer in the next ten minutes, I'm coming up there.

Shit.

It was written over a half hour ago.

Castle typed in a response:

-Waiting for Kate to wake up. I need some more time. Don't come up yet. Love you.

He'd only just hit send when he noticed that Beckett was staring at him.

"Is it true?"

"Kate?" Castle looked at her in disbelief. She couldn't have been awake for long because he'd hardly taken his eyes off her the entire day.

She turned her head to the side in order to see him better. "You said I was gone for six years. Is it true or was I dreaming? Or am I going crazy?"

"You're not going crazy," he said softly.

"Dreaming?"

"No."

"Prove it."

The challenge took him aback and so did the fact that she seemed way too lucid so soon after waking up. After being knocked out by those sedatives took her under for most of the day.

"I'm not supposed to talk about it."

She squinted her eyes, confused. "Why?"

"You remember what you did before the doc came in here and injected you with a sedative?"

She frowned and he caught shame and irritation on her face. Six years later, and he could still read her with ease. "I lost it."

"I hate that they drugged you, but you were-"

"Hysterical. Violent," she finished for him. "I ripped out an IV. Hurt."

"I bet." He was still in awe of it all. That she was here. Talking to him. Calmly this time, taking in the facts, like the Beckett he used to know. The kickass detective who'd always weighed all the evidence before reaching a conclusion.

It also made him optimistic, to see that her memory of events since waking up was perfect. "You remember that?"

"I do, yes."

"But you don't remember how you ended up here, in the hospital?"

"No." It was a whisper and it heard the fear in her voice. "I don't. That's not normal is it?"

"You got hit on the head. That could be the reason. Temporary amnesia."

"Is it?" He could still read that, too. Her don't-bullshit-me look. "I asked you to prove it to me, Castle."

He turned to the door, half expecting an eavesdropping doctor to come in and kick him out. "You have to promise me that no matter what I tell you, you won't react the way you did last time. You can't, Kate. Not for me because I can handle it…but if one of the docs sees it, they'll knock you out again and then they'll kick me out for good."

"I won't."

"Promise?"

"Proof, Castle," she repeated. But there was fatigue in her voice now. The earlier clarity was fading fast. "Don't think I'm gonna last long. So tired."

He reached across the sheet for her hand and took it into both of his own. Ran his thumb across the top in slow, deliberate strokes. "Can you feel that?"

"Yes."

He stopped for a second and then started again, turning her hand over so that his thumb stroked her palm. A single fluid stroke until it stopped and he dug his nail into her skin. "How about that?"

"Yeah…"

"There's your proof that you're not dreaming. This. Us, here, now. All of it is real. You can't feel the sensation of touch in dreams."

"Okay," she squeezed his hand back for insurance and it broke his heart to know that she still trusted him, in spite of everything.

You shouldn't. I gave up too son.

"Our daughter was three the last time you saw her, almost four. She'll be turning ten two months from now."

Kate didn't say anything but her eyes were slowly filling with tears. It brought back the doctor's words and they rang through his head.

"She is not physically ready for this kind of stress. If you can't adhere to that, I'll have to ask you to stay away from her."

"I really shouldn't be talking about this," he backtracked after seeing her tears. "I promised the doc."

"You promised me proof," she insisted. "And I promised you I'd stay calm. I'm calm, Castle."

"I have a photo."

"Show me."

"Are you sure?"

"Show me."

He pulled a wallet out from his jean pocket and opened it, stealing at glimpse at her in the process, at all the painful anticipation and dread written all over her bruised face. He wasn't sure he could do this.

"Castle…" She sensed his hesitation.

He took out the photo and handed it to her. "I took this one a couple of months ago. Alexis and Lily came to a Black Pawn event." It was a photo of both his girls, dolled up for the launch of his latest book. His first foray into a new character since the Nikki Heat series ended along with Beckett's disappearance six years ago. They both took his breath away that evening, his beautiful daughters; Alexis in a flowing teal dress that flawlessly matched her cream complexion, and Lily, his little rebel, in a bright red pantsuit that was a perfect contrast to her long, brown hair, grinning because she'd stolen a couple of sips of her sister's champagne.

They'd taken a lot of photos that night. The boys and Lanie were there, too. So was Hayley, of course, and she'd captured a lot of attention that evening, appearing in a skin-hugging cocktail dress that showcased her gorgeous long legs. It was one of their first public events as husband and wife.

Not that he was about to mention that part.

Beckett took the photo into her hand and stared at it wordlessly, for so long that Castle worried.

"Kate…"

She turned away from the photo and back to him. The tears streamed down her face now and he wanted to wipe them away. "Our little girl is really nine? I really missed six years of her life?"

Yes. He couldn't bring himself to say, but he didn't need to. She knew just by looking at him.

"How is that possible?"

"You disappeared working on a case. A serial killer that-"

"But how can I not remember?" she demanded. "I can remember taking Lily to day care. I remember those polka-dot overalls she wore all the time because they were her favourite thing in the world after that stuffed elephant. I remember having ice cream with you and her in Central Park, those vanilla-chocolate swirl soft serve things – how can I remember all that, but I can't remember the last six years? How?"

"Hey."

She was getting agitated again and he didn't want to think of the doctor bursting back into her room again and banning him from it. "Kate, take it easy. Breathe."

He wasn't about to tell her to calm down. As if he would be able to stay calm in the wake of news like this.

She pressed her eyes shut. Hurting or trying to remember. He couldn't tell.

Then she wiped away her tears with the back of her hand. "She's so beautiful, Rick. Our little girl."

"She is," he agreed. Because she looks like you, he wanted to add, but his guilty tongue wouldn't let him form the words.

"I want to see her. Please."

She thinks you're dead.

"You will," he breathed. "But wait a bit. Give yourself a day to get your strength back."

"I'm fine, Castle. I don't need-"

He raised his brows. Didn't have to say out loud how ludicrous that notion was. He let her come to that conclusion of her own.

"Okay, maybe not fine." She was crying again and he imagined that it had to hurt. This grief on top of everything else.

"One day," he insisted. "Then I'll have Alexis drive her up."

"Alexis…how is she?" He studied Kate, trying to make sense of this new world.

"Good. Really good. We both have lots of time to fill you in on everything."

Including the fact that I'm married to someone else now. He had to tell her soon, anything else was cowardly, but he couldn't begin to imagine how. Not when she so obviously thought they were still together.

It hadn't even occurred to Kate to ask whether he was with anyone else.

"A day feels so long, Rick. I want to see her so badly." She was mesmerized by the photo he gave her. Couldn't stop staring at it. "Can I keep this? Until tomorrow?"

God, she was breaking him. "It's yours."

"Rick-?"

"What is it?"

"What about you? How are you…how could you, six years, how could you stand it? I lost for you for two months once and I thought I was going to die. How…?"

If it meant getting you back in the end, I'd do it all over again.

"Don't ask me that yet."

"Rick-?"

"Kate, don't. You're back. It's all that matters now."

The expression on her face told him she didn't agree but she let it go.

"What about my memory? Do you really think it's because I was hit on the head? That it'll come back?"

"It's…possible. Yes."

"But you don't believe it."

"No, not that." He shook his head vehemently. After all, he was apt to believe everything and anything. Why wouldn't he believe this? "Not true. We just…we don't know much right now. No one does. We don't know what exactly happened to you."

"If I don't," she blinked back more tears. "If I don't remember, will you help me figure it out?"

"Of course, I will." He hadn't realized that he was still holding on to her hand. But it wasn't enough. She was still crying and he had to do something.

Castle lowered the plastic rail on the side of her bed and eased himself onto to it. He burrowed awkwardly underneath the blanket, fully dressed as he was and pulled her towards him until she turned onto her side. Until he was spooning her and able to wrap his arm around her, carefully, because he was so afraid of doing further damage.

"Is that okay?" he whispered into the back of her head. "Not hurting you, am I?"

She didn't say anything but she grabbed hold of his hand and held on tight.

That was good enough for him.

He felt her ribs against his arm and along with her racing heart, beating ferociously against the hand she'd pulled up against her chest. The one that was still clutching the photograph.

"Just breathe, Kate. We'll figure this out," he said softly, willing her heart to stop pounding so hard. After all, how much more could it handle before it stopped beating? He wanted to slip his hand underneath her hospital gown and run his finger over the all-too-familiar bullet scar, as he'd done so often in the past when they made love. It used to remind him never to take their pleasures for granted. That every moment touching the warmth of her skin was a gift.

Like this one now.

Castle wouldn't let his hand roam, because he had no right. Not anymore. But he also didn't stop her when squirmed around to face him and buried her face in his chest, taking care to avoid getting tangled up in the IV lines and not to put any undue pressure on any part of her body.

"Promise me?"

"Yes."

"You're the smartest partner I ever had," she whispered.

"Exactly." The edge of his lips quirked into a smile. "You remember the important things."

"Smartest. And the best," she added, her voice drifting off.

Her heartbeat finally slowed as she drifted back to sleep.

He should have slipped back out of her bed after that. It would probably save him some grief from the next nurse or doctor coming into the room.

But he didn't.

Because he wanted her to wake up in his arms.