CHAPTER ELEVEN: How Will I Know?

"Sloppy! Again!" Leo barked to his brothers.

Donnie whimpered. Mikey glowered darkly. Raph was growling worse than a disturbed bear. They had been practicing the same balancing kata for the past forty-five minutes. Given their previous hour long weapons free form training, cardio workout, and performing the standard 50 precision katas, they were starting to become irate with their leader. Leo was finding the least little misstep to order a complete redo of the kata while he observed their poise and execution. The first dozen or so times were their normal perfection, but Leo insisted they were sloppy and would only excuse them when they got it right. Which was why he was now facing a mutiny.

"Enough!" Splinter yelled. "Leonardo, a word."

Raph dropped to the ground and stomped out of the room, sweat pouring off him to trickle around his shell and soak his waistband. Mikey followed, a perfect copy of his bigger brother, throwing a dirty look to Leo as he passed. Donnie dragged himself out of the room. All three stripped on their way to the bathing pool and jumped in, sinking to the bottom to enjoy the cold, muted isolation ten feet below.

"Sensei?" Leo asked, dropping to a knee to regard the mutant who had raised and trained him.

Splinter considered his eldest for a moment. "I sense much turmoil in you. Is there anything you wish to discuss?"

"No, master," Leo said a little too quickly.

"No bullshit," Splinter said, motioning for Leo to sit. They faced one another as they had done a million times before. "Tell me, what troubles you?"

Leo knew when he was cornered. He sighed, shifting uncomfortably as the bottom of his shell scraped the concrete. "Truth is, I'm not sure what is troubling me."

"Is it possible the center of your distraction has red hair?" Splinter hazard a guess.

"I do like her. She's easy to talk to and she didn't freak out when she realized what I am," Leo said, brow line creasing. "She's fun. Doesn't mind Mikey's flirting, or Raph's growling."

Splinter remained quiet, waiting for his son to voice what was subconsciously eating away at him.

"Mikey makes all kinds of insinuations, and she plays along, for the most part," Leo said, rubbing his face in aggravation. Why did this have to be so difficult? "But there are times when I wonder if she is serious. If there's.. something, maybe, between us." He groaned, grinding his palms into his eyes. "I always thought if you fell in love, there were fireworks, and your heart beat out of your chest, your eyes bugged out, you couldn't breathe, there was music and laughter and sounds of singing birds."

"And you do not feel this?" Splinter asked.

"I... I don't think so," Leo said with uncertainty. "I feel warmth and happiness, and a sense of peace, but nothing close to what the movies and books say you should experience when you fall in love."

"You care for May, yes?" Splinter already knew the answer, but he was hoping some clarification would help Leo sort out his emotions.

"Yes," Leo said immediately. "She feels...familiar. Safe."

"A great friend, perhaps?"

"Yes. A great friend." Leo frowned, his blue eyes dark with sorrow. "But what if she feels differently? What if she wants something more? Something I'm not sure I can reciprocate?"

"You have not asked her?" Splinter shook his head. "Instead of punishing your brothers and yourself over possibilities, why don't you talk to her and find out exactly how she feels. You may be causing yourself unnecessary grief."

"But...what if she feels something I'm not sure I'm capable of providing? Or what if she doesn't want anything further and I make an ass of myself?" Leo sighed, shrinking down on himself. It was amazing how tiny he could become. "What's wrong with me, dad?"

"The pangs of adulthood I'm afraid," Splinter said, reaching out to caress the top of Leo's head. Since Leo was a child, the gesture always soothed him. "There is no cure for the heart."

"Figures," Leo said.

"Never be afraid to speak to me about what plagues your mind."

"Even if it's a topic you aren't comfortable with?" Leo asked, a ghost of a smile tugging the corners of his mouth.

Splinter paused, clearing his throat. "Well, ninjas must not show fear or weakness, but I must confess, some things should remain in the dark."

Leo's chuckle turned into a deep laugh. He knew he could talk to his father about anything, though some topics were too uncomfortable to broach.

Splinter sniffed, curling his nose. "But if you decide to speak to the young lady this evening, be sure you smell better."

Leo took the hint, gaining his feet and heading to the bathing pool to join his brothers. He shed his clothes and smirked, seeing all three reposing on the bottom, tucked into their shells. He sank to the bottom to join them, enjoying the peaceful silence of still water.

Tap. Tap.

Tap.

Tap. Tap.

May opened the window to allow Leo inside the darkened room. It was near midnight. She was in oversized pink PJs and yawning at her visitor.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" Leo asked.

"No. Only settled in a few minutes ago." May peered at the window, expecting Leo's brothers to appear.

"The guys are in Brooklyn tonight," Leo explained. "There's something I wanted to ask you, and I needed to make sure they wouldn't interrupt."

"Wow. So serious. Coming from you? I'm shocked," May quipped, turning on a small lamp and motioning for Leo to sit with her on the couch. He seemed torn over the decision, but settled at the far end, his back ramrod straight. "What's got the stick up your ass, Leo?"

He took a deep breath, prepared to start the long soliloquy he had practiced all evening. But when the time came for him to recite his thoughts in an elegant, articulate manner, his mind went blissfully blank, his lips having difficulty in cooperating.

"I was wondering... and it's okay either way.. I mean, you can feel whatever.. that's cool... okay... but I was wondering.. more than wondering.. more like... worrying... but that sounds negative and I don't want you to think it's negative in any way because it could be positive, but it's all up to you.. either is fine by me... and I..."

"For heaven's sake, Leo! Stop prattling and spit it out already!" May raised her voice to be heard over his aimless prattling.

"Are you interested in a romantic relationship with me?" Leo blurted out. Soon as the words were past his lips, his face ignited.

"Say again?" May asked, not quite sure she heard correctly.

Leo rested his head in his hands, unable to meet May's eyes when he spoke. "Do you have any romantic expectations regarding myself?"

May blinked, absorbing his words. Realizing he was embarrassed and not wanting to humiliate or belittle him, she chose her words carefully. "Do you have any romantic expectations toward me?"

Leo took it as a good sign she wasn't screaming or throwing him out, yelling in disgust or calling him names. He chanced a peek in her direction and found her curiously staring at him. There was no trace of aversion or anger on her face.

"I... I don't know," he said hesitantly.

"Me either," May said softly, risking a chance to grasp his larger hand in both of her own. "I do like you, Leo. But being in love with you? I don't know if we have that kind of chemistry. Do you?"

"I don't know," he repeated, his two fingers tracing along the smoothness of her pale hand. They were such a contrast. He so large and green and scaly. She so small and pale and soft. He was a mutant, she was a normal human.

"Maybe, if given some time, we may develop deeper feelings," May put in, taking her time to explore the dark green hand so gentle with her. "If we find there is more than friendship between us, would you be adverse to it?"

"Never thought about it," Leo admitted. Her touch was peaceful to his spirit. "What about you?"

"Well, Mikey has made some not so subtle innuendo, and I must admit, the thought had crossed my mind a time or two, but I didn't think you would be interested in such a relationship. You're always so focused, and you have your family to take care of. A responsibility to the people you protect. I wouldn't dare come between you and your family or to the important job you do."

"But, you're interested?" Leo asked, his brow knitted together. He was supposed to be seeking clarity, not adding more questions and confusion to his already befuddled mind.

"Actually, I think of you as such a great friend, I would hate to ruin it with trying to pursue something more, especially if you weren't interested." May picked at the edge of his fingernail. It was weird, finding such a human-like thing on a turtle. "Would you want to risk our friendship for a potential romantic one?"

"I'm not sure," Leo admitted. "I always thought that love happened like in books and movies. An instant attraction, with fireworks, and everything being perfect in the world. But I haven't felt that. At least, I don't think I have."

"You've been reading too many romance novels and watching too many chick flicks," May laughed. Her laughter faded as she reached up, cupping his cheek in her small hand. He nuzzled into her touch, sighing heavily. "How about we hold off on the romance until we're both on the same page.? Have the same feelings. At the same time."

"And you wouldn't be adverse to... dating... me?" Leo asked, pulling away from the lulling peace she invoked with her touch.

"You are more honorable than all of the guys I've ever dated. It would be refreshing to know my date isn't going to try to abuse or molest me."

"Who did this and where might I find him?" Leo asked, tense as a spring, ready to protect May's honor.

May laughed, smacking him lightly on the arm. "Relax, big protector. They're all in Vermont."

"I foresee a road trip," Leo said darkly.

May shook her head, amazed at the giant turtle who was the epitome of a gentleman. "Always the hero, huh?"

Leo's tone softened. "Only when protecting a lady." Worry flickered across his face as he asked, apprehensively. "So, where does this leave us?"

"It leaves us as friends," May said gently. "Given time, if something more develops, we'll address it. If not, we'll still have each other."

Leo snorted at her cheesy quote. It felt as if a huge burden had been lifted from his shoulders. May wasn't rejecting him, nor pressuring him for something he wasn't sure he could provide. Romance was the furthest thing from his mind. But it was nice to know it could still be an option, if and when he felt inclined.

He noticed the grey bag draped over the couch. "What's this? New decorator?"

May's cheeks flushed pink. "Dress. The hotline is having a little get together this Friday evening and I didn't have anything nice to wear."

"What kind of get together?" Leo asked, plucking at the zipper to get a glimpse at what May had bought. "Black tie? Cocktail? Informal?"

May knew what he was doing and thought it was cute. Especially since he didn't quite realize how adorable he was trying to act nonchalant. "It's a semi-formal get together. The people who operate the hotline are throwing a little party for the volunteers. Sort of recognition for all the work we do. Helping others. Being a friendly ear."

Leo suddenly realized May had been a hotline for him. She had been a breath of fresh air, a gentleness that had balmed his weary spirit. He loved his brothers and father, but there was something unexplainable about May that made it easier to talk, easy to open up, easy to release all the pent up frustrations from the burden of being a leader. Someone who would listen and not judge. She was a natural nurturer.

"Last year they rented a banquet room," May explained. "Bout forty people. Dinner and then during dessert, they give recognition to volunteers. There's a montage playing on a big screen, usually centering on the couple who run the hotline. They do love to see themselves on the screen."

May smacked Leo's hand when he tried to get a peek of the dress she picked out.

"Ow!" Leo pretended to be hurt, withdrawing from his investigating. "Only wanted to see what color you picked out. Hopefully nothing red or orange."

"You're worse than Mikey," May said laughing.. "It's green and no, you can't see it. I'm not much of a girly-girl, and I don't need you to make fun of me dressing up like a princess."

"I would never," Leo promised, holding up his hands defensively. His phone moaned seductively, causing him to flush. He fumbled to answer the text and found Chief Vincent's message. "Sorry, I didn't pick that tone. Mikey likes to change it. Donnie's tried to lock it so Mikey can't change it, but he figures it out."

May giggled. "Well, I was going to say I was jealous. But, given that little monster, I'm not surprised."

Leo held up the phone so she could see the half naked woman on the wallpaper. "He keeps changing it, whether I want him to or not. He leaves everyone else alone, but loves to mess with mine for some reason."

"Chief Vincent?" May asked, reading the screen.

"Chief of Organized Crime. She and her fellow officers helped get us to Krang's ship so we could take it down. We work together now. She keeps our secret and we catch bad guys, where her officers collect them and send them to jail."

"Knew you were a bad ass," May quipped, right when the phone moaned seductively again.

Leo opened the message to hide his embarrassment. He read her text out loud. "Update on your cases: 1406 convictions resulting in 693 fines, 209 home confinements, and jail time for remainder. 1-5 years. Good job, Leonardo, Michelangelo, Raphael, and Donatello. Thank you for your help."

May tsked. "Told you. Hero in a half shell."

Leo headed to the window. "I should get going. Gotta make sure Mikey is staying out of trouble."

"Yeah, good luck with that," May said with a grin. "He's going to be incorrigible when you join them, knowing you were here with me."

Leo heaved a heavy sigh. "Yup. He'll hound me all evening."

Struck by inspiration May asked tentatively, "Leo, how about we...annoy Mikey?"

A wicked smile cracked Leo's tough exterior giving him a sinister, maniacal look. "What do you have in mind?"

"Well, since Mikey keeps messing with your phone, let's see what happens when we put something a bit more personal on there."

"Like what?" Leo asked, suddenly wary of the nefarious gleam in May's eye. He had a feeling he didn't like where her diabolical mind was going.

May motioned to the phone. "Take a picture of us kissing. That way, Mikey won't change it and drive you nuts with hacking your phone."

"My luck, he'll tear it up, thinking there's something else more incriminating on here," Leo said, setting the phone to take a picture.

May smiled, placing her hand on his cheek, drawing him to her. He leaned down, eyes wide, not sure what to expect. May closed her eyes. He copied her. She pressed her lips to his, tilting her head slightly to ensure full contact. He mirrored her actions, lightly brushing her lips with his own in a gentle, hesitant way. It reminded her of her own first kiss, sweetly awkward and tender. She was soft, yielding, warm to the touch. His head was swimming with the input, finding her lips so delicate and half the size of his own.

May withdrew and snickered. "Leo?"

"Yeah?" he asked dreamily.

"You forgot to take the picture," May said, trying to suppress her amusement.

"Wha?" Leo sputtered, blinking rapidly. "Oh! Right! Sorry! One more time?"

"Alright, but get it right this time, Casanova," May quipped, schooling her features and repeating the kiss. She heard the snap of the camera and pulled away, taking a peek at the picture. It turned out better than she imagined. She thought it might be weird, such a pale human kissing a big turtle, but it didn't look strange at all. It was... sweet. Tender. Natural.

Leo saved it to his wallpaper, smirking worse than the cat who ate the canary. "Now, I only have to wait until he steals my phone again to see his reaction."

"Let me know," May said, taking his phone away and programming in her own number. "Particularly any meltdowns or shocked silences. That would be unlike him."

Leo replaced the phone in his pocket and headed to the window. "I should go. Criminals to catch."

"Damsels to save," May said, joining him at the window. "And Leo?"

"Yeah?" he grinned foolishly.

"Stay safe out there."

"Yes, Ma'am," Leo whispered, offering a single dip of his head and then he was gone into the night.