Title: I Won't Call You My Weakness, But I Will Call You Mine
Author's Note: Only four chapters left after this one! Thanks to my faithful readers - you're the reason I'm here sharing my work and updating because I appreciate you taking the time to leave a comment in return.
"Hey, Charlie." Danny greets the lab technician with an easy smile as he waves an evidence bag with a baseball cap to grab the man's attention. "I know you got stuff from the scene this morning, but we found this on location about two miles away when Navy man here went crawling through the jungle."
"Not a problem," Charlie tells him, nodding at Danny and Steve with his usual air of helpfulness and cheerful disposition. "I'm almost done running the fabric from the car so I was gonna send the results with Kono."
Steve nods absentmindedly at the comment while checking his phone for reception yet again. Max was supposed to call when he had something for them. Danny takes a look at the nearby computer screen as if he could possibly understand what the numbers and charts mean. He takes in the half-eaten sandwiches and the sodas on Charlie's desk. They'd clearly interrupted lunch time.
"Sorry to barge in on your lunch date," Danny says, waving his hand at the food as he steps back from the computer with a nod of apology. "We just wanted to drop that by before we visit the family. Time is of the essence."
"Oh, no, it's not- it's just-" For some reason, Charlie seems to pale all of a sudden, glancing at Steve frantically, giving Danny a look as if he's said something horribly wrong.
"Why are your bathrooms so far away? To protect you from radioactive material or something?" Kono enters the lab from behind them, slowing her steps in surprise when she sees Steve and Danny at the monitors. "Oh, hey. Did you guys find something on your hike?"
Danny's the first to recover, quickly making conversation to cover what could turn into yet another potentially awkward work situation. He gives Kono a smile as he watches her grab her soda from Charlie's desk. "Considering the stuff that turns up in this lab, the farther the bathrooms the better, I say. And, yeah, we found a baseball cap with some weird sap stuff on it we need analyzed."
She smiles at him, her eyes moving to Steve's, lingering before she looks back at Danny with a nod. "I was gonna finish eating then head back with the results on the tire tracks. I'll wait until Charlie runs what you found too, since Chin's covering financials."
"Great. Thanks, Kono," Danny says, clapping his hands with a wide smile as he looks to Charlie with a nod. "Saves me from making another trip down here, no offense, Charlie. See you guys later." He surreptitiously touches Steve on the shoulder, urging him that they should exit without lingering any further.
He can't stop going over what they saw, his mind running over everything as he would a crime scene they've encountered and need to find answers for. Everything from the half-eaten sandwiches to the chairs pushed close together and the bounce in Kono's step when she'd returned from the restroom, as if she couldn't wait to get back to the room, to lunch, to someone else. The details nag him like they would after they've canvassed the area and have taken statements from the innocent bystanders, and have nothing to do now but agonize over setting up the narrative and revealing what the true story was.
This time though, Steve's the bystander, and he doesn't have to agonize at all because he was right there. He was right there.
After ten minutes of silence in the car, Danny finally speaks up.
"Don't jump to conclusions," he says softly, sneaking a glance at Steve's impassive face. "It was just lunch. They're friends, friends have lunch. I mean, you've probably soured her off workplace relationships altogether, to be honest." Steve throws him a glare at that and Danny puts up a hand to apologize for the teasing, knowing it's too soon.
Steve remains quiet and lost in his thoughts as he speeds along a good fifteen miles over the speed limit. He fights back the panic threatening to flood his veins as he remembers what Malia had asked him at the banquet dinner last week. Doesn't it scare you, knowing she might end up with someone else? It's as if the words have been haunting him, hitting him at the most inopportune times, reminding him that just because he let Kono go, no other guy would. Any other guy would be smart enough to hold her with both hands, he wouldn't let her out of his sight, he wouldn't let her get away, and he sure as hell wouldn't walk away on his own.
"I'm sure it's nothing," Danny says reassuringly. Despite his initial reaction at the break-up and his anger toward Steve, he has been trying to be more supportive about Steve's decision, and Steve appreciates that, he really does. But even Danny's loyalty sounds weak right now as he glances at Steve from the corner of his eye. "Nothing to worry about. Don't overthink it."
But his tone makes it clear that one day, someday, it will be a worry, it will happen, and when it does, Steve can do nothing but return to the car and drive back to work, then drive home to an empty house at the end of the day.
Steve ignores him, only clenching his jaw and tightening his grip on the steering wheel as he stares straight ahead at the road.
Kono comes into the office an hour and a half later with both lab results.
He tries to ignore the way she's smiling and the looks of pity Danny tosses his way.
She knocks on his office door on her way out to drop off her part of the report for the DA, because he'd rather have a hard copy than an e-mail attachment, even if all he has to do is take two seconds for it to load and hit print. But he's the boss so they cater to his needs.
Steve is hunched over his desk as he has been all afternoon. She tries to ignore the way his hair's standing up after he's run his hands through it in frustration, the way he looks at her with tired, blue eyes. But his gaze brightens just the slightest when he sees her, like she's a sight for sore eyes, one he doesn't deserve and will never admit he needs, but aches for anyway.
"Here. Just leaving my report," Kono says, dropping it on the corner of his desk.
"Thanks." He clutches it tightly as if he can feel the imprint her fingertips left. He looks up at her curiously when she hasn't left the room yet. Things have been calm since the kiss in the parking lot. They've ignored it, as if it never even happened, and they've remained respectful and professional, ignoring the past and trying to focus on a future of working together and being in each other's lives without being together. She still never stays longer than necessary in a room with him though, which is why right now is a surprise. "Is there somethin' else?"
Kono hesitates for a second, shifting on her feet before saying what she needs to. "I left my blowdryer in your bathroom. Can you bring it for me? It's Kelly's and I need to give it back to her."
Steve nods at her request and she tries to ignore the way his body tensed at the favor. It's not her fault. She doesn't have the energy to go to his house and pack her belongings right now, but the blowdryer doesn't belong to her and she needs to return it.
"Thanks. Did you eat?" she asks after a pause, trying to approach their new normal routine, one without late night office kisses or leaving paperwork for the morning because there's someone at home you'd rather be with instead.
"Uh, no, I'm good though," Steve says, looking back at his files, his jaw clenching in disapproval as if she's insulting him with the onslaught of memories. But she's just trying to establish a truce, to make the transition easier; she's just doing her part to make this better for both of them. She's at least trying.
"I can get you something if you don't have time," she offers with a friendly smile, but he doesn't look up from his paperwork, as if what she's saying isn't worth his attention. "My treat."
"I said I'm fine, Kono," he snaps, his voice unnecessarily harsh as he says it and she stiffens immediately at his tone.
"Fine. Don't eat, starve for all I care," Kono snaps back, making a hasty exit and slamming the door behind her on the way out.
It's four days later when it happens. Kono's undercover as a waitress to get a keycard off a drunk security analyst. They need access to the seventh floor of an office building where a company's embezzlement scam has left three murdered. She gets the card just fine, slipping it to Chin to make a copy, but it's returning it that's a problem. The man's getting a little handsy and won't let her go. She has to resort to shoving him a few times as he tries to drunkenly fight back before she can finally slip away to the surveillance van in the parking lot.
"Ow. Fuck." She holds an icepack to her cheek, glaring at the three of them as if it's their fault. "Next time, one of you get pawed and slapped by the drunk guy."
"Got it," Danny assures her with a nod. "Next time, Steve's going undercover."
She smiles at Steve, who scowls at Danny's comment before he turns back to give her a small grin at the joke. But he appreciates the new sense of normalcy they've established. It's professional and beneficial, it's conducive to the workplace as they fall into a new rhythm of working together without letting the memories of the past interrupt them. She doesn't glare at him as much anymore, she doesn't tense every time he walks by; she even slips up and smiles around him. Sometimes the smile even reaches her eyes.
It's been over a month and it's like she's getting over him.
It scares the fuck out of him.
He's never been a selfish man, but he really wants to be selfish with her. He wants to consume her every thought, possess her body, be the only one in her heart.
But he won't give in. Because Steve McGarrett doesn't turn back on his word.
"The ones who get weirdly strong when they're drunk are the worst," she grumbles.
"Yeah, I had a friend in Jersey who became the Hulk after a round or two," Danny comments as he begins putting away the equipment. "Had to pull him out of a dozen bar fights a year, I swear."
"How's it look?" She pulls off the ice pack and waits for their verdict. All three of them wince at the stark handprint on her cheek.
"Sorry, cuz," Chin says with a shrug. "Might want to avoid your parents for a few days."
"Great." Kono rolls her eyes, sighing as she returns the ice to her face to cool the stinging. "Can we call it a night already?"
But Steve can't get the image out of his head, that imprint of a hand, even as she assures them she's okay and just wants to get changed and go to bed. It's startling to see the mark on her face, and a reminder that he can't do anything about it. It's not because of him, it's not because he wasn't there; it happened because it happened and there's not a damn thing he can do about it. This would be the part where he takes her home and gives her an ice pack and a bowl of ice cream as he distracts her from the pain, usually with a few well-placed kisses until she's moaning from a different kind of ache. It's the same home remedy she gives him after he's the one with scrapes and bruises at the end of the day.
Now, he can't even do that because he decided not to be there for those nights. He's the one who took a step back and all he can do is send her home and wait to see her tomorrow morning, assess her face from across the room and wonder if the pain has lessened, wonder how she slept at night. He chose to take that new place in her life. He took that step and made that decision, not her. He made it for both of them.
"Hey, I'm heading out. You should too," Danny says once the van is secured in the parking lot. "Why do you keep staying here until midnight anyway?"
"I like the quiet," Steve says lamely with a shrug. But he knows Danny won't leave until he does so he follows him to the parking lot. They walk lazily, unlike Chin who'd left in a hurry, because they have no one at home waiting for them.
"Right. Cause that big house you live alone in isn't quiet enough," Danny comments with a shake of his head, observing his partner in the darkness. "You know, I'm sure if you grovel and apologize, she'll take you back."
"What?" Steve's head snaps toward him, frowning at the words.
"Yeah, it's a novel concept. Knowing you, you probably have to devise a full-out mission plan first and examine the logistics of it, but usually, flowers do the trick. Although I don't really know if Kono's a flowers type of girl, but you should know that, I guess."
"Danny, I'm not going to apologize," Steve huffs, shaking his head in exasperation.
"Okay, fine. Be miserable." Steve looks up in surprise at the anger in Danny's tone, the callous way which he throws the words at him in the dark. "Do you really want to be alone for the rest of your life, Steve? Just tell me that! Cause, let me tell you, it is not fucking fun."
Steve stops in his tracks, turning from his truck door to look at his partner as he furiously jingles his keys to get the Camaro door open. He looks at Danny, sees his loyalty and his bravery, his honor and his heart; he deserves someone to spend the rest of his life with. He's got so much love to give, and no one to give it to, so he bestows all he has on his daughter, the center of his universe, and never complains about what he's lacking. He returns home alone at the end of the night - not by choice, but by destiny.
Fate had been kind enough to bring Steve someone and he'd pushed her away, insulted the universe, and refused to take a chance on what was nearly a god damn miracle in the first place.
"Danny." Steve takes a deep breath of Hawaiian night air as he struggles to find the right words, struggles to apologize. He seems to be doing a lot of that lately, searching for the words he can't find for the people he never meant to hurt in the first place. "I didn't mean-"
"Look, I know safety's important and obviously I'd do the same thing for Rachel or Grace or whoever, but just, be selfish, Steve, okay?" Danny's voice is quiet in the parking lot, but Steve hears the words clearly, the desperation and empathy behind them, sees the anguish in his expressive blue eyes. "Don't you get tired of being so fucking noble all the time? Be selfish with her. The world isn't going to fall apart if you give in. No one's going think less of you."
"Danny..." Steve tries to begin again, because Danny just doesn't understand what this is all about, he doesn't understand that-
But maybe he does, because he interrupts Steve one more time to say, "She won't think any less of you, I promise. It's okay to be weak when love is involved."
It's the second time that month someone's left him in a parking lot. Each time, their parting words have caught him by surprise and left his heart racing as if they've actually shot him in the chest, much like what happened to Kono that fateful afternoon where it all fell apart.