Whatever It Takes
Chapter 11
Matt strutted down the main hall of the sanitarium content for the time being; the thought that maybe there was a chance for Kitty and himself to be together giving him comfort. Doc and Lucian were just finishing their final game of cards, the old doctor claiming he'd run out of change, when the big lawman arrived at the entry.
"Oh Matt, how's Kitty?" The doctor continued to question, "Are you two okay?"
"Yeah Doc," Matt answered reluctantly, "at least I think things are all right. Kitty and I are gonna go on a picnic tomorrow out by the pond." The marshal half smiled somewhat unwillingly; still unable to grasp all the emotion he was feeling. "I hope that isn't a problem, Lucian. I guess I shoulda' asked Doctor Merrill first."
Doc Adams helped dispel Matt's worry as only he could do. "Now listen here, Marshal Dillon, Miss Kitty Russell is my patient, too. And if you think for one minute that I'm going to let anyone keep that young woman down the hall from getting some much needed fresh air and some well deserved happiness..." he squinted his eyes and pulled his earlobe before pointing a finger at the somber lawman, "anyone that'd try to do that, I think should be locked up and the key thrown away!" The old man nodded his head for punctuation. "Wouldn't you agree, Lucian?"
Lucian's smile nearly matched the marshal's. "By all means, Doctor Adams." the young man concurred. "I will be more than happy to assist you with your picnic plans, Mr. Dillon."
Doc reached in his pocket for the change to settle his small debt with Lucian; finding a forgotten telegram that had arrived for Matt earlier that day. Lucian thanked the old doctor for an enjoyable game and then verified his offer to help with the picnic the next day, prior to bidding his good night to the older men.
Doc looked at the folded paper he'd just pulled out of his pocket. "Dog gone it Matt, I nearly forgot to give this to you." As the lawman unfolded the note the gray haired man continued, "It came sometime after lunch today." The marshal's brow furrowed as he read the telegram. His old friend immediately observed the change in the younger man's posture.
Matt Dillon began to crumple the telegram snarling, "Damn! This is just damned wrong!"
Old Doc was taken back by not only Matt's demeanor, but his choice of words. He knew the lawman to be a man of few words, but moreover appreciated the fact that the famous Dodge City lawman, who dealt with the dregs of society, rarely cussed.
"Son, what's the matter? Can I see...?" Matt shoved the wrinkled paper into the old doctor's hand.
To Matthew Dillon US Marshal /stop/ pursue Matranga no further /stop/ not in your jurisdiction /stop/ proper authorities advised /stop/ repeat not Federal issue /stop/ condolences to Miss Russell and all involved /stop/ respectfully Redford Proctor War Department Secretary
The old doctor rubbed his face before speaking. "Well what the hell does this mean, Matt? Sit down... calm down an' explain this to me."
The tall lawman slumped into a chair; he explained to his old friend the authorization and back-up help he'd requested had been denied. Matt stated flatly he knew there was no way he could break the crime ring alone. Doc sensed that the younger man was feeling abandoned in his crusade.
"Listen to me Matt," his eyes bore into Dillon's, "I know you feel the need to right all the wrongs that cross your path, but sometimes ya have to let someone else slay the dragon." The frustrated marshal's gaze shifted to puzzlement. "We're here for Kitty. I realize that what happened to her has stirred up all kinds of stuff in that badge ruled brain of yours, but for a change... why don't ya think with that thing behind the badge... your heart." The old man scowled; massaging his eyebrows and forehead, "I'm going to bed. You better decide what you want, because I know for a fact, that redhead is still crazy about you. Even that bump on her head didn't cure her of that, but if anything happens to you while you were trying to solve the problems of New Orleans... she'd ..." He faltered, "Oh I'll see you at breakfast."
Doc Adams shuffled out of the family room into the dim hallway, leaving Matt alone with his thoughts. He felt helpless which angered him. Without considering the consequences, he found himself in front of Kitty's door, whispering her name.
"Matt... what's the matter? She asked quietly from her chair; mirth peppered her tone. "Ya know I can't see, cowboy, but I'm pretty sure there isn't enough light outside for a picnic yet."
"I ah... oh I'm sorry Kitty..., " he stuttered, "maybe this is a bad idea."
"Come on in. I think they forgot I needed assistance. Can you help me into bed, if you don't mind?" Matt was by her side, ready to scoop her up and carry her to her bed. Before he had a chance, she tossed the throw that was covering her legs aside; putting her hands up in the air. "Guide me, will you." He took her hands, as she awkwardly rose from the chair. Walking backwards, he guided her; murmuring tender words of encouragement. Feeling the bed against her leg, Kitty began to remove her robe as Matt watched. His hungry eyes surveyed the lovely redhead's body as it moved against her soft cotton nightgown embarrassed over his inopportune desire. She sensed his gaze and as if it were twenty years prior, she felt shy. She self-consciously pulled the coverlet up to hide her breasts once she was in bed. Kitty felt her face go red; relieved her blushing would be lost in the dimly lit room, she then took control of the conversation.
"Talk to me Matt. What is it?" Trying to urge him on, she stressed, "You don't have to look at me, if it is too difficult for you, cowboy. I can't tell the difference." Kitty smiled warmly, knowing she could actually tell if he was facing her or not, but it didn't matter as long as he'd just open up.
The big man sighed as he took off his hat and leaned against the wall before speaking. "I wanted to make things right for you, Kitty. So I sent the War Department a telegram requesting back up and for permission to deal with the Matranga... for you."
"Oh my god... no Matt, please!" Kitty lamented, cutting the man's explanation off. "Don't do this. This isn't Dodge City..."
He could tell the redhead was shaken and needed to have her fears dispelled. Moving to the door, he silently closed it; all the time trying to quell her alarm in a hushed comforting tone. "Shhhh...honey it's okay. Kitty, shhhh... don't worry." He stood at the foot of her bed. "Ol' Doc set me straight and well... the War Department turned me down. I wasn't given jurisdiction here." He noted the silence in response to his somber tone. "Doc knows how I get." The tall man looked away from the love of his life. "An' I guess you do too... especially after Bonner. All I wanted was revenge for what they'd done to you... to us."
Kitty shifted over on the bed signaling him to sit down, but instead of sitting next to her, he sat at the foot of the bed looking at her. "Nothing was the same after that, was it?" He didn't give her a chance to answer. "I felt I'd failed you back then, an' I think Doc was worried that with this Leotie fella being a Dog Soldier... I was gonna do something... foolish. He was probably right," Matt chuckled dryly, patting Kitty on the leg, causing the woman to jump and recoil. She couldn't see him hold his hands up in surrender, but could hear the withdrawal in his voice. "I'm sorry Kitty... I shouldn't have..."
Kitty spoke quickly sensing he was about to stand. "No Matt, please stay." She sighed trying to calm herself. "I guess talkin' now is as good a time as any..." Swallowing hard, she continued, "You mentioned his name, and being a Dog Soldier an' it all started... Oh Matt, I'd pushed it all away in my mind, but it was never really far away. Now after what has happened and all this time," her voice broke, "I don't even know where to start." She stared unseeing down at the coverlet; the tips of three fingers touching her lips as she tried to find the words.
"Kitty honey," he whispered calmly, "I may have had trouble talkin' sometimes, but I never had trouble listening to you. Take your time. I'm here and not goin' anywhere." They sat frozen in silence for a few moments as Kitty summoned her courage.
"You're right Matt, nothing was the same after Bonner and it was my fault. You asked me so many and I always said I was fine, didn't I?" Not giving him a chance to answer, she resumed. " Well I lied; not only to you, but to myself. I thought if I was strong, you wouldn't worry...you'd stop blaming yourself. And I didn't want to depend on anyone. I needed to be strong for me. Then when you stopped asking me, I felt hurt and then angry. After that, I started distancing myself mentally. So when you missed my birthday, I just collapsed. I ran away from what I thought was unbearable sadness." Matt tried to subdue her self blame, but there was so much more she needed to share... to reveal... to bare her soul.
"No Matt, let me finish. I need to get this out and maybe I'll be free of the nightmares. I left Dodge because I thought I could leave my fears behind. Truth be told Matt Dillon, I missed you more than anything in the world, but my stubborn pride..." When she released a sigh of exasperation, the seated man shifted up the bed closer to her; resting one of his large hands over hers as they rested on her lap.
"Oh god, the break-in, Matt... that man... that half-breed animal knew who I was. It was horrible." She released a ragged breath after Matt squeezed her hands gently. "He started doing things to Maisey while describing everything Bonner and his men had done to me." Her voice got very quiet. "He laughed at me, calling me trash an' that you'd left me because Bonner had turned me into used goods." A small winsome smile spread across her face, "I knew better."
The smile disappeared with a ragged breath, "Then I got angry at what he'd done to Maisey, but after some time in the hospital... the nightmares... Bonner was there with me all the time. That damn drifter knew details and I couldn't get away from them." Kitty's voice became low, "He knew who bit me and where... which one of them burned my face..." Matt moved closer as her voice seemed to trail off into a whisper and for the first time she disclosed the terror she'd be unable to share with him. Matt had to reach into a place in his soul he never knew he had, to summon the emotional strength needed to foster the recovery the unsettled redhead so deserved. When her body began to quake from silent sobs, he wrapped his strong arms around her. Kitty's hushed tone remained as she clung to her former lover.
"Oh Matt, I wanted to die, just as I did after ... Bonner, but you were there. This time I felt so alone and just wanted release... to die."
He held her tight as the landslide of emotion swept both of them down a mountain of pain. Tracks of tears descended the brave marshal's face as he rocked the woman in his arms gently.
"I'm so sorry." Her apology was barely audible. "When you stopped asking me about what happened with Bonner and if I was okay... I... ummm... I started resenting it; thinking you didn't care. Before I knew it I started hating myself for not being strong enough. I didn't want to need anyone; not even you."
His arm snaked up her body; one hand coming to rest on the back of her head, cradling her cheek against his. Trying desperately to sound strong, Matt told Kitty it was okay; everything would be alright. She tried to push him away as she snapped.
"How can you say that? I walked out on you an' hell if I even know why now." He released her enough to be able to look into her eyes. "I didn't trust you or our relationship enough to share anything about my being taken hostage. I left you; fool that I am and hurt everyone that I care about back in Dodge" Matt saw fear building in her eyes which most people would read as anger. Reaching up, he gingerly touched her cheek, but she snatched his hand away and held it. "Matt Dillon, I'm blind, don't know if I can even run my business again, have dreadful nightmares and most likely have alienated all the people that are important to me! How can you be so cavalier; telling me everything will be alright?"
Dillon chose his words carefully. He spoke in the warm baritone voice that she hadn't heard in what seemed a lifetime. There was no hesitation in his inflection as he simply stated, "Because I'm here."
Kitty's eyes sparkled; a tame belly laugh escaped her lips as she brought the marshal's large palm to her cheek wet from tears. "That's m'cowboy... wastin' few words an' makin' a big impression! I'm glad you came, Matt." Her voice was soft and forgiving.
Leaning forward, he tenderly placed a kiss on her forehead and then chuckled. "By golly Kitty, I hope you told Doc that. He was pretty upset when I showed up on the train uninvited. If he could have, I think he would have physically tossed me from that train himself!"
Kissing his hefty callused palm lovingly, Kitty giggled, "As a matter of fact, I actually thanked him for bringing you!"
Matt shot back, "Is that a fact?" She playfully swatted his him on the chest with her other hand, before wagging a finger at him; her face radiating with amusement. "That's a fact, cowboy!"
The two former lovers laughed with ease, thinking of past uses of the term 'Is that a fact.' The tall nervous man then captured both of her hands; bending his head down to brush his lips against hers. Almost immediately he released her hands, which instantly found Matt's face; his warm breath still tantalizing her lips. As her eyes slid shut, Kitty breathed his name and placed a welcomed soft kiss on the marshal's still parted lips. The power of past passion was restrained by unresolved feelings. The meeting of their lips though tentative was seductive; holding as much promise as their first kiss nearly twenty years ago.
Once their lips parted, Kitty murmured in a sleepy sultry tone that made the brave lawman blush just like it had in the early days of their love affair. "Stay with me till I fall asleep, Matt, please."
"Anything, Kitty," he spoke; his voice still husky from the kiss. "I'm here for as long as you want me." The lower part of his body yearned for much more, but his mind pulled back the reins. There will be time enough for more, if that is what she wants, he thought to himself in earnest. At first she had wrapped her arms around his thigh, which she was used for a pillow and he leaned back against the headboard; running his fingers through his silken hair. Slipping into comfortable slumber, Kitty soon rolled over; a pillow replacing his leg. With his long index finger Matt traced her ear, before whispering into it. "I love you, Kathleen Russell." Slowly he rose from the bed, tiptoed as best as one could in boots and stood gazing at her; in awe of the complete woman. Ever so gently, he took her tiny hand, reached in his pocket; pulling out his marshal's badge and placed it in her hand. Matt kissed the hand as he wrapped her fingers around it; placing her hand back on the pillow. He silently slipped out the door contemplating Anything... anything she wants and whatever it takes.