Sigh~ It feels lonely not having reviews ;p (I haven't had anyone viewing my work for the past 3 days, bug or real issue?) I cringe whenever I read this back, awkward~
I breathed heavily, racing up to the main hall and out the back doors into Whiterun, where I rushed past Aela and skjor who had sat quietly and undisturbed. I jogged in circles in the training area, burning all the energy that had built up inside me. I let out a sigh to catch my breath and then trotted over to where Aela and Skjor sat, their faces bemused.
I didn't understand why it frustrated me but Vilkas's actions angered me enough that I wanted to rampage like a destructive thunderstorm through the city and onto the plains. I grumbled incoherent words to myself and plastered a permanent frown on my face. I did not understand why I reacted in this way, this lead me to being even more frustrated that before. However, I understood that I felt something for him, I couldn't figure out what, but it was there...lingering, sticking to me like some toxic leech.
"Are you okay?" Aela turned to me, with a concerned expression.
"I'm so frustrated," I replied, slumping onto the bench beside Aela, resting my face against the wood.
"Want to talk about it?" Her tone was strict and unfriendly, but I could see that she was trying to be nice.
Skjor nodded his head at me as I sat down. He passed me a full tankard of ale, but I refused to drink it. The pain and headache of the bar brawl earlier made me want to never drink again.
"I asked Vilkas to be my shield brother again," I said to Aela. She took a sip from her own tankard and gave me a careful look, "He refused me flat out," I gritted my teeth together; "I don't know why he's so insistent upon Farkas being my shield brother instead of him."
I rested my head against my arms on the table and closed my eyes, feeling like a child again.
"Then just ask Farkas to be your shield brother," Aela replied imperturbably, I peeked through my eyes and let out a long heartfelt sigh, "Cheer up," She nudged my shoulder, "Nobody likes a moaner."
I frowned, wrinkles forming across my forehead.
"You have Skjor!" I flicked my hand in his direction and he let out a low chuckle, "And I'm stuck alone with nobody to protect me." I pulled a sad face at her, wanting sympathy from her.
"And you can have Farkas," She nudged me again; "He's stronger than Vilkas! And he doesn't talk as much," She laughed, I smiled. It was true, Farkas was never the one to initiate conversation, and normally didn't take part in discussions with the other Companions unless his brother was present. Stupid Vilkas.
"I will ask him tomorrow then," I replied with a sigh, "Did much happen whilst me and Torvar were away?"
Aela took a quick glance at Skjor and then back to me.
"We were out scouting last night," Aela began, fingering the tankard in her long delicate fingers.
"We came across a bandit hideout just east of the Throat of the world," Skjor interrupted, his voice gruff and menacing, "The place was called Lost Knife Hideout, the bastards caged a bunch of werewolves up for violent dog fights," Skjor's voice was filled with aggression, he had been the one who had taken mostly to the beast blood inside us, "There were a couple of Silverhand's too, one of the bastards almost cut me with one of those damn silver swords they carry around," Skjor continued to snarl.
"Does Kodlak know what you've been doing?" I asked.
"No," Aela replied, "The old man doesn't understand the threat they pose to us," She paused and pouted her lips, her nostrils flaring, "He'll thank us when the rest of those filthy so-called fighters are ripped apart."
"I agree, Kodlak just tucks himself away most of the time in his quarters, waiting to die of rot," Skjor retorted, slumping back against his chair and frowning. He downed the rest of the ale in his tankard and smacked his lips together, "I respect him as Harbringer but he's too shut away, obsessed with curing his lycanthropy before he dies."
I shook my head, feeling more annoyed than ever. Kodlak would never stop until he found the cure, and that was certain. I wondered if he did understand the threat that the Silver hands posed to us, if he did, I wondered if he even cared.
I stayed outside until night fell and the crisp breeze of First Seed fell upon us. We discussed Kodlak's thoughts on lycanthropy and the Silver Hands until we were blue in the face and our throats raw. The stars twinkled high above and the moon light gave us the only light we needed to see by. I breathed in the cold air, filling my lungs, I sighed a cloud of breath erupting from lips.
"Want to go on a hunt tonight?" Aela asked once Skjor had left. Her auburn hair thrashed about wildly in the wind, and her eyes glowed faintly in the moon light.
"I should get some rest," I yawned, and ran my fingers through my coarse hair, "I found something whilst I was up in Deepwood Reddoubt," She gave me an intrigued expression so I continued; "A door leading into the mountain, in a few days time I want to go exploring."
"Do you want me to come?" She asked with a hopeful voice.
"I'm worried there will be strange beasts inside that lurk in the shadows," I shivered, not just from the bitter cold wind, "The place was filled with Forsworn, the savage Breton's worship things much worse than the evilest of the Daedric Princes." I gritted my teeth tight together, the ugly bird like witches that were seen as gods to the Forsworn.
"The Hagraven's are disgusting creatures but if we use stealth the beasts will be no match for us Companions," She grinned, playfully knocking my arm. The door to Jorrvaskr creaked open and two men walked out into the night. Farkas smiled at me as he passed, Vilkas completely ignoring me. The twins sat on the table opposite us, Vilkas with his back to me and Farkas sat where I could look at him. I caught Aela's gaze and she scowled over at Farkas who dropped his head.
"I'll leave you to ask Farkas," Aela pouted her lips and rose gracefully from the chair. She quickly walked into Jorrvaskr. The orange glow the open door had given me slowly faded as the heavy door closed behind Aela's walking form.
I rose from my own chair and sauntered over to where the wolf twins sat. I plonked down next to Vilkas, only to annoy me. I pouted my lips and folded my arms across my chest casually.
"Hello boys," I chirped, looking into Farkas' shifty blue eyes. Out of the corner of my eye I watched Vilkas shuffle further away from me, and hide his face from my view.
"Hey," Farkas replied in a deep voice. I licked my lips and turned my head and stared at Vilkas in a patronising manner. He continued to ignore me, and I felt slightly angered by this.
"Farkas, I have a proposal for you," I turned back to look at Farkas, who had raised his eyebrows in surprise, and carefully shot a look in his brother's direction, "Ignore your brother, I want to ask you something."
"Yes?" He queried. I hoped that Vilkas would find some sick satisfaction in what I was about to ask, after all he was the one to insist that Farkas be my shield brother.
"I want you to become my shield brother," I smiled. Farkas almost seemed taken aback and said nothing but look between me and his brother. I watched him grind his teeth together, thinking what to say. For a moment I thought he would refuse me as well.
"It would be an honour," Farkas finally said, looking at me straight in the eyes. I grinned, slightly thrilled but also disappointed in Vilkas' reactions to the situation.
"Fantastic!" I beamed, combing my fingers through my hair as the wind knotted it together again, "You can travel with me and Aela up to Deepwood Redoubt in a few days time. There is something I must find there."
Farkas looked excited at the prospect of tagging along with me and Aela to do some hunting in the wilderness. I was certain that he would protect me more than Vilkas would, and this thought comforted me. I smiled to myself as I rose to take my leave but Vilkas grabbed my wrist tightly.
"You want to endanger my brother's life because you're curious about some place out in the Reach?" Vilkas snapped. I tried to tug my wrist from his grasp but he was too strong. I pouted and knotted my brows together.
"Farkas agreed," I replied, trying to be calm. Vilkas stared at me ferociously, the wolf inside him really showing his true colours. He wouldn't accept anything, he was too stubborn, clearly a true Nord too, "Let me go, you're hurting me."
Vilkas suddenly relinquished his grasp on my wrist. I rubbed the spot gently, watching red sore spots appear quickly on my pale skin.
"I'm sorry," He retorted, holding his hands up in surrender, I scowled at him, my face red with anger. I gritted my teeth and my breath came out coarse and fierce.
"Come with me," I snarled to him. Grabbing the neck of his armour and dragging him away from his brother, he stumbled as he caught his legs on the bench trying to get up but then quickly recomposed his posture.
I dragged him into the shadows, far away enough so that Farkas couldn't hear. Farkas quickly took his leave and walked back into Jorrvaskr with his head held low. I spun around and stopped in my tracks, I glared at Vilkas barely able to make out his face in the darkness. I had walked us to the wall's edge, a squared indent where guard's normally stood.
"Do you have a problem with me?" I calmed myself and pursed my lips together to stop myself my snapping at him. I continued to rub my wrist with my thumb and index finger.
"Yes," He replied bluntly.
"Then what is it?" My voice came out more harsh than intended. He quickly grabbed my fingers and the proximity between us lessened. I could hear him breathing, deep and slow, and the bottom of his chin lightly brushed against the top of my head. He kept silent for a moment, moving his tough fingers up my hands, up my forearm his callous palms brushing over my steel greaves and up to my shoulder where he wrapped one hand gently around the back of my neck and the other placed on my collar bone. I suddenly felt hot, sweat prickling in the palms of my hands. I didn't want this, I wanted answers, "Tell me what it is," I said softly, looking up into his blackened out face.
His thumb soon started to caress the back of my neck and I closed my eyes. He moved closer to me, our chests touching, and his breath warm on my cheeks. I opened my eyes again and could see the glint of moon light in his own. I sighed as pulled my chin with his thumb, he stroked his thumb over my bottom lip and I nibbled it before he took it away.
"Do you not remember?" He moved in closer and his lips brushed mine as he spoke. My lips parted briefly wanting more, "Susi..." His voice echoed in my empty head, floating around on clouds like a dream.
"Hmm?" I replied delicately, placing my hands on his chest, eager to have more.
"...Kiss me," I nodded my head, reaching up on my tiptoes and lightly moving me lips against his. I felt the gruff of his stubble, but tasted the sweetness of his lips. He grabbed me suddenly, I pulled my eyes open. He held me by the shoulders, holding me at a distance so that I wouldn't make another move on him, "What are you doing?"
"What?" I asked, confused. My face flushed pink, "Oh."
"I said that you kissed me," His voice was higher than usual, was he embarrassed too? "I didn't want..." He cut himself off.
"Is this why?" I blurted out, "Is this why you won't be my shield brother, because I kissed you before?" I crumpled up my face, the wind now suddenly heavy against us.
"It would be difficult," Vilkas struggled, his voice barely audible over the whistling of the wind, "It's simpler without all this," He gestured to me and then to himself, "Besides, you have Farkas now."
"You're so stupid Vilkas," I pursed my lips together, and wrapped an arm around his waist and rested my head against the armour on his chest. The metal was cold against my cheek and sent shivers down my spine.
"I know," He replied reluctantly, his voice bottomless and charming.