Ursula didn't know how long she'd slept, but it was dark when she opened her eyes. She listened for a while before crawling from her hiding place. She couldn't hear anyone moving around her, and from the lack of light, she could tell there was no one near by carrying a flash light.
It was a difficult trek back to the car. She wasn't entirely sure she was going in the right direction, and without any light to go by, she kept tripping over roots and brambles.
But eventually, she found the road, and she walked back up the hill to her car. She was surprised no one had moved it, and she turned around in a circle, looking for anyone who might be waiting for her in the shadows. But no one appeared. At last, she climbed into the driver's seat and put the key into the ignition. She turned on the headlights and drove the short distance up the road to the town line where she stopped just before it.
This was it. She had one decision before her, and after it there would be no turning back. Was she sure this was something she wanted to do?
There was nothing left for her in Storybrooke, she was certain. Roland would never want to see her again. And if she'd ever wanted to mend her relationship with Regina, she was certain it would never happen now. She had no desire to build a relationship with Snow or Caspian.
It was clear she had no reason to stay, and yet going forward felt wrong. If she crossed the line she'd forget everything she'd ever done - all of her fighting and all of her struggles. While there seemed to be a certain freedom in that, she also felt she'd be losing a part of herself. She'd achieved much in her life, overcome so many obstacles. Would she remember how strong a woman she was if she left?
Would she remember Eric?
Ursula leaned her head against the steering wheel and let the sob escape her throat. Everything she'd ever done, she'd done for him. She'd turned to magic to help support him. She'd gone to Rumpelstiltskin to give him a better life. She'd hunted Snow White for killing him. She'd cursed the land to punish everyone who hadn't been there for him, everyone who'd said she had gone too far in trying to give him the world.
Could she really turn her back on him like everyone else? Could she let herself forget he ever existed?
Ursula grasped the steering wheel as she cried. She had no where to go. She found herself unable to move forward or back. Ahead, she'd lose her son forever. Behind, she'd lose herself.
She jumped at the knock at her window, certain it was Charming or Robin who had appeared to carry out her punishment for her. But it wasn't either of them.
Anger coursing through her, she wiped her eyes, flung open the door of the car, and stepped outside. "What the hell are you doing here?"
"I wanted to talk to you," said Caspian simply.
"Well, I don't want to talk to you," she told him. She pointed down the road. "Just leave me alone! You're good at that, as I remember."
Caspian shook his head. "I'm not going anywhere this time."
Ursula scoffed. She didn't want to put up with this. She turned to get back into the car, but he grabbed her hand.
"Let go of me!" she demanded, pulling her hand from his as she turned back around to face him. "What do you want from me? You think you can just walk back into my life now? After all this time? You were never there! You never came when we needed you."
"I want to fix it," he told her.
"You can't fix it!" she shouted at him. "You can't! Eric is dead! He's dead!" A sob escaped her throat. "Our son-" She was overcome with tears and couldn't continue.
Caspian wished he could comfort her, but as he stepped toward her, she pushed him away.
"I want to help," he said uselessly.
"How could you possibly help?" she said, wiping her eyes. "What could you possibly do right now to help?"
He realized then that he didn't know. He had just wanted to support her. "I want to try." He said. "There has to be something ... something ... you need."
She gave a sniff, silencing the remainder of her tears. "I doubt you could help me with a do over."
"What would you change?" he asked her curiously.
She gave a sigh. What wouldn't she change might have been a better question. For starters, she wouldn't have kidnapped Roland. She wouldn't have tried to kill the Sea King. If she had just kept her promise to Roland, she'd still be on solid ground right now.
But her desire for change went back much further than that. She wouldn't have cursed everyone. Really, where had that gotten her? Trapped in a town with everyone she hated? She wouldn't have pursued the throne. She wouldn't have tried to cure Eric's land sickness.
"I wouldn't have gone to Rumpelstiltskin," she told him, ending at the scenario she found to have been her best lost opportunity. "I would have stayed with Robin and Regina."
Eric had been such a happy little boy. He'd loved living in the forest despite his illness. It was her own pride, her need to be able to give him everything, that had made the place unsuitable for them. They'd had food, shelter, friends ... they hadn't truly needed anything else. She had just demanded it be so. She'd been selfish. She'd decided it wasn't good enough. She'd cast aside the only good thing to happen to her since Eric's birth and had exchanged it for a life of preying on other people, caring as little for them as she'd thought they'd cared for her. But that life had gotten her nowhere, and now the whole thing seemed empty and meaningless.
"I don't want to hurt anyone," she told him. "I just want ... my little boy."
The tears overcame her once again. If only she had been content, if only she could have accepted the help that had been offered to her. If she hadn't thrown it all aside and turned against the very people who'd been trying to help, Eric wouldn't have died so young.
It was then, as she stood between Caspian and the car and contemplated her life choices that she realized it wasn't the Sea King or even Snow who were responsible for her son's death.
The pain of the truth wrecked her. She'd been fighting against it for long. She'd blamed other people to keep herself from facing the mere thought of it. But now, when she found herself helpless and with everything to lose, she simply had no strength left.
She had killed her son. It had been her own pride and ill content that had drove her to the extremes that had led to his death. She was responsible. Snow might have fired the arrow, but it had been Ursula's maliciousness that had caused Snow to act. It was her own greed that had driven her to leave Robin and Regina and attack the castle. Eric's death was her own fault, and no one else's.
"Eric." His name came out like a desperate plea for forgiveness. She slid down the side of the car, landing on the asphalt as she cried into her hands. She wanted nothing more than to fade into the darkness around her and cease all existence. She didn't know how to live with herself any longer.
Caspian didn't know what to do. He couldn't do nothing with her lying in front of him like that. But he didn't think she'd let him comfort her either. He hesitated at first, but her sobs didn't subside, so he stepped forward.
She resisted him at first, trying to push him away. But she had so little strength left that her efforts were ineffective. Caspian eventually took her into his arms, and to her surprise, she discovered - as she felt his tears fall on the back of her neck - that he was crying as well.
"It's my fault," he told her, as though had been reading her thoughts. "I should have been there for you both. It's my fault."
She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, that the responsibility for Eric's life had fallen to her after he hadn't returned. She pulled away from him to look into his face to tell him this, but the words wouldn't come.
She was shocked at the pain she saw reflected in his eyes. She felt like she was looking at someone who knew exactly what she was feeling. And in that moment she realized that she wasn't alone, that there was someone who understood exactly what she was going through, someone who would fight on her side. She hadn't had that, not since her parents had thrown her out on the streets after learning she was pregnant with Eric.
Ursula felt a different emotion filling her, one she hadn't possessed in a very long time. As such, she didn't recognize it right away. And so, she didn't have time to fight against it. Before she knew what she was doing, she pulled Caspian toward her and pressed her lips against his. He was surprised at first, and so was she, but they eventually gave in to the love they both needed and had denied themselves for so long.
Their kisses were mixed with salty tears as they took each other's pain and shared it. And then, little by little, they started to ease it, to transform it into something else. That night, neither of them would quite remember exactly how they made it into the car or drove back to Ursula house or walked through the front door. But they would remember the bed and the sheets and that one blissful moment when they both had the briefest hope that just maybe there was something happier waiting for them just around the corner.