Story 11: Instinct

Author notes: Thanks Lupo for the idea…if anyone else has ideas for Callie stories, let me know!

Callie had been lying in her crib for perhaps five minutes before she started to cry. Glancing over at Faith, Buffy moved to lift her, shushing her softly as she cradled her to her chest.

"She's not hungry again, is she?" Faith asked somewhat worriedly, frowning as she stared at Callie, as if she had no idea what to do to soothe her. Which, given her behavior with Callie over the past few days, Buffy was fairly sure by now was true. "How can she be hungry…I just fed her fifteen minutes ago. Is she serious?"

"She's not hungry, Faith…I think she needs her diaper changed," Buffy determined, and she held the baby out toward Faith for her to take. "Here, hold her, I'll go get her diapers and stuff…"

"Uh…I'll get the diapers," Faith said quickly, starting to turn away, and Buffy made a sound of protest.

"Faith, I'll get them, hold her for a minute for me."

"Looks like you've got her alright, B-"

"Faith, just take her!" Buffy said impatiently, and Faith hesitated before reluctantly taking Callie from her, awkwardly holding her in a cradle against her chest. Callie only seemed to scream louder as Buffy began to gather up a diaper, wet wipes, and baby powder to spread on the changing table. She glanced over at Faith as she set them there, spreading out a blanket.

"She likes to be held up higher on your shoulder, Faith…her face turned into it. Here, bring her over now."

As Faith came over and set her gingerly on the table, on her stomach, Buffy gently flipped Callie over onto her back, taking the snaps apart on the baby's onesie.

"On her back, babe… here, why don't you come do it?"

"Nah, you've got it," Faith said quickly, backing up again, and Buffy rolled her eyes.

"Faith, it's just pee. And you've only changed her diaper twice in three days, come try it."

"Yeah, and the first time I put it on backwards and the second time I made a total mess, so I'll let you do it," Faith maintained, keeping her distance and crossing her arms.

Buffy huffed, starting to give Faith a look of pointed irritation, but when she looked over at her, she saw that the younger woman's eyebrows were knitted in a look of faint anxiety, and she looked noticeably bothered. Buffy sighed, beginning to change Callie herself without further pushing, but she was beginning to realize something.

Callie was three days old now, had been home from the hospital for two days…but Faith had not really handled her very much in this time. She fed Callie, of course, and she had held her, attempted to change her…but not nearly as much as Buffy had, or even most of the others. Dawn and Willow and the others had been in and out constantly since Callie was born, eager to hold, talk to, take pictures of, and even change her- one activity that Buffy was more than generous with passing on. But Faith…the more Buffy thought about it, the more it dawned on her that she had been hanging back, passing Callie off to others to care for her at most opportunities. It was almost as if she were afraid to touch her…or maybe that she would make mistakes in caring for her.

"Faith... "Buffy said quietly as she took out the wet wipes and began to clean Callie, trying to hold her still at the same time. The infant was still wailing, and now squirming feebly as well as Buffy tried to change her as quickly as possible. Callie was already expressing strong-willed tendencies in many areas, and having her diaper changed was something she had made her displeasure clear on from the start.

"Faith, why are you avoiding doing things to take care of Callie?"

"What? I'm not-"

"Yes you are…you've hardly touched her unless you had to, baby," Buffy said in the same soft tone, but she was persistent as well. "Tell me what's wrong. Are you nervous?"

Faith's eyes skipped away from her, and she played with the cuticles of one hand as she answered several moments later, her voice low, awkward.

"Well, yeah…I mean, look, B, I don't know what to do with her, I don't' know how to take care of her. You've seen me- I don't even hold her right. She cries when I hold her, and I'm her mother. She knows I don't know what the hell I'm doing…hell, I might drop her or break her or something."

For once Buffy decided to ignore her language, even though it was in front of the baby. She smiled at Faith reassuringly as she turned Callie to powder her bottom, her voice gentle.

"She's tougher than she looks, Faith…we made her, after all. You won't hurt her…and you're doing fine. This is just new to you is all, but you'll be fine. We've read the books, we know what to do. How hard can it be? Especially with everyone helping. I never killed Dawn when she was a baby."

"Yeah, but Dawn was never actually a baby," Faith pointed out. Buffy shrugged, putting a new diaper on Callie.

"Yeah, but I still have the memories, which means the not-killing-babies skills are there too. We'll be fine…wont we be fine, Callie girl?"

She reached to stroke Callie's cheek, smiling down at her…but suddenly Callie's eyes opened wide, and she began to choke, gagging. It looked to Buffy as if she couldn't breathe…

Buffy froze, her eyes widening, and her hand stilled against Callie's cheek as her eyes scanned her body frantically, as though looking for signs of what was wrong. Faith's eyes widened as well, and she hurriedly stepped closer to the changing table, examining Callie anxiously.

"What's going on?! Why is she making that noise?! She can't breathe! Oh god, she can't breathe, why can't she breathe?!" Buffy said shrilly, her face draining of color. Her mind was going blank, and she could think of nothing to do, no reason why this was happening… why was this happening?!

"Oh shit, they said this might happen," Faith muttered, her eyes as big as Buffy's, and with that she turned abruptly, running out of the room. Buffy turned her head frantically, her heartbeat speeding up. Callie was clearly choking now, her face a deep red…and Buffy didn't know what to do, she could barely bring herself to move.

"Faith!!!! What are you doing- she can't breathe! Oh god…FAITH!!!"

It was probably only a few seconds at most, but it seemed an infinitely long time before Faith hurried back into the room. In her hand was a nasal bulb suction for babies, one of the items the hospital had given them for Callie. Buffy had totally forgotten its existence…and in the moment, couldn't remember how to use it. Her panic increasing, she continued to chant shrilly, not even aware that she was doing so.

"Oh god oh god oh god…"

But Faith pushed her out of the way, albeit gently…and opening Callie's mouth, eased the bulb's tip down the back of her throat, holding her head back with one hand. With the other hand she squeezed the bulb, suctioning the mucus blocking Callie's breathing.

Buffy was holding her own breath, unblinking; a minute later Callie gasped, her color beginning to return to normal, and she began to cry loudly, obviously now able to draw breath. Watching her with vivid relief flooding through her, the child's wailing sounding almost magical to her ears, Buffy burst into tears, unable to keep from thinking what could have happened. Callie hadn't been breathing… her baby had stopped breathing, and she hadn't done anything. If Faith hadn't been there…if she hadn't…

Ignoring Buffy for the moment, Faith scooped Callie up and began to rock her back and forth, bouncing her slightly, cradling the infant's face to her shoulder- the way Buffy had shown her, she noticed. She rubbed Callie's back gently with one hand.

"Shh, baby, you're okay…it's okay, Mama's got you, you're okay…just a little snotty nose…"

Sniffling, tears still tracking down her cheeks, Buffy came to stand beside her, laying a shaking hand on Callie's back. She needed to feel her, to know she was okay. Faith covered her hand with her own and squeezed it, and Buffy looked Callie over with eyes still round with lingering shock.

"She's okay…but she wasn't breathing…"

"The doctors said we'd have to clean her nose out like that sometimes, remember?" Faith said, kissing the top of Callie's head. The baby's cries had quieted, and she continued to sway her as she held her close. As Faith looked at their daughter, her eyes were wide as well with amazement. "B…I helped her. I saved her. I just did it…

Buffy smiled slightly, squeezing her hand. She knew Faith would be fine…but now she was kinda worried about herself.