Chapter 11: Monkey Gas Would Have Been Better

Summary: The gang returns to Greendale, and Jeff is preoccupied

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A/N: Thanks to those of you who wrote me backchannel to provide constructive feedback on the previous chapter. Turns out I can't write smut. Oh well, I had to try. ;)

Future sexiness installments will likely be more implicit.

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Annie stretched her leg out and felt it brush against the luxurious sheets. She let out a satisfied sigh.

"Mmm….go back to sleep," came Jeff's low voice, his hot breath hitting the back of her neck.

She smiled as she felt his arms, which were already wrapped around her, pull her in closer.

She giggled. "How does your arm not fall asleep?"

"Dunno. I don't know if I slept all night like this."

"You're awake?"

"Who knows? We should sleep before the baby hobbit wakes up."

Annie sighed again as she turned to face him. He needed to relax his arms slightly for her to do so, but then quickly pulled her into his chest.

"It's the first day of school. Aren't you excited?"

"God do you not know me at all by now?"

She moved her head back, noticing his eyes remained closed. "Fine. Grouch."

"I want to stay in bed with you all day."

"Then we wouldn't be very productive, now would we?"

His eyes opened and he regarded her with a softness. "I don't know about that. You always say we should work on us. I don't know what better way." He gave a slight smile.

She bit her lip and began to trace her free hand on his bare chest. She moved her foot up and down his leg. "Since we're awake?"

She watched as his expression suddenly shifted to something she couldn't quite read. His eyes widened slightly for just a moment before he resumed looking at her with fondness.

"I'll deny it to my dying day if you tell anyone else, but could we just cuddle?"

She almost let out gasp but stopped herself. She placed a kiss on his chest and then curled into him. "Of course. I love cuddling with you."

He pulled her in even tighter.

The new school year started on a mundane note. Although Pierce had technically left the group in May, they all assumed he would be returning since he had hosted Sophie's birthday party and seemed to be back in Annie's good graces. Sure enough, he strutted into the study room as if nothing was amiss, and even Jeff knew better than to make a big deal out of it.

Jeff winced as he felt Annie kick him under the study table.

How the hell can she even reach?

He glanced over at her sweetly smiling face and resumed looking at his phone. He muttered, "Hey Pierce."

"Hello Jeffrey. I hope you are well."

Jeff kept his mouth shut.

"Gampa Peas!"

Jeff startled to see Sophie reaching upward and almost bouncing in her booster seat in the normally empty chair to his left. She continued to squeal as Pierce crept up behind Jeff – shudder - and reached down to give Sophie a hug.

"Owww!"

Jeff suppressed visible signs of satisfaction as he heard the loud crack of Pierce's spine.

After everyone was finally settled, they began to discuss the plan for third year study group (deciding it didn't matter that Pierce wasn't technically in Biology since they were all bona fide friends at this point), which of course meant they all chatted about their summers. They had plenty to catch up on given they hadn't had any group get togethers in the month of August.

Annie gushed to Shirley, "And it was so relaxing. Even Jeff chilled out."

Shirley cooed her approval as she bounced baby Ben on her lap. "That's nice."

Annie shot a look over at Jeff, expecting him to be scowling or rolling his eyes at her teasing. Instead, she startled to see him staring at his phone and likely pressing random buttons. His face was scrunched up in thought.

She gave him another kick.

He roused from his thoughts and turned to attend to Sophie who was offering him her bear. He took a moment to adjust the purple ribbon holding her topknot in place. "There you go, munchkin." He squinted at it, and satisfied that it was in the proper center of her head, turned back to his phone.

A few minutes later, Annie heard Britta exclaim, "Hey jerkwad, what's with you?"

Annie turned back in Jeff's direction to see him rousing from some sort of stupor, the remnants of a lazy grin on his face.

He turned with a scowl to Britta. "Goddammit. There's nothing with me."

"Yeah, sure. You looked all dreamy there and almost love struck. But isn't your girlfriend sitting right here? Annie, you should kick his ass."

Annie rolled her eyes but then looked at Jeff curiously.

Jeff squinted at Britta as his brain worked quickly on a cover story.

Satisfied he had a plausible one, he cleared his throat. "I was merely fantasizing of how the group would be much better off without someone who tried to kill me in attendance." He shot a look across to Pierce.

"Jeffrey, let's let bygones be bygones. I thought we had an understanding as men."

"Oh, like hell…"

"Hell."

Jeff closed his eyes as he felt Annie kick him again. He focused on his breath for a few moments and affected a fake smirk. The last thing he wanted to do was let on what he was really thinking about. He still had images of the musical number where they were all gonna be fine now that he found a way to rid their lives of Adam Wellson.

There had even been some flying involved and a little bit of a dip. And everyone at Greendale had seemed happy for them.

He looked over to see Sophie smiling at him. "Hell Da-dee"

He avoided Annie's gaze by making sure Sophie's purple sparkly shoes were securely velcroed.

At that moment, the Dean, uncharacteristically dressed in a suit and tie, tapped on the open door and gracefully stepped into the room.

"Well hello to my favorite study group! Welcome to a new school year!"

There were various friendly greetings.

He placed his hands on his hips. "And why, we have two baby Greendales here now! My, it warms my heart. But whatever will you do with them?"

Annie and Shirley said in unison, "Daycare."

"Oh, right, of course."

Shirley cleared her throat and said in a sing-songy voice, "It will be Ben's first day. He's going to the infant room. An-nie, Jeffrey, and I are going to take the little ones to the center before Bi-ol-ogy."

The Dean waived his hands in the air. "Now that is adorable! Baby Greendales bonding in the school daycare, the group all back together and taking Biology, and we're all chatting it up, just like old friends."

Abed appeared to ponder the Dean's words and then raised an index finger in the air.

Troy clasped his hands together and did a bounce in his seat.

Abed cleared his throat and said, "I sense something is different here. The Dean, while normally providing humorous side relief, seems to have much more lines than usual. And he has a goatee."

Troy's face fell.

The Dean swatted the air. "Oh, this? I thought I'd try something new. Do you think it makes me more distinguished? Annie and I have been working on cleaning up Greendale over the summer, and I feel we're off to an excellent start. I plan to be a serious Dean this semester. And as for more lines, well, now that you mention it, it does almost seem like I've become more of a regular."

Troy muttered something under his breath.

Abed turned to look at him and tilted his head. "Oh, I'm sorry, Troy and I have an announcement."

Shirley looked nervous as she braced herself.

Annie smiled encouragingly, nodding to a now giddy Troy as he and Abed began to share their news of living together with the group.

Jeff frowned and muttered, "Since when did this happen?"

It dawned on him that Annie seemed to already know all about it. His head still swimming with thoughts, he vaguely encoded the Dean asking about the noises in the vents.

There were some skirmishes in Biology class, most notably when Jeff let himself become distracted with texts and calls from Mark. He didn't miss Annie's look of judgment - did she get that from Shirley? - and was more than a little surprised when Professor Kane kicked him out of class.

He sighed as he leaned against the corridor wall and closed his eyes.

"Well, well, well. What do we have here? Did you get expelled already?"

Jeff opened his eyes and scowled. "There was a misunderstanding. I'll get back in there."

Ian nodded and began to tap the wall with a disturbingly well-bitten pencil.

"But you're not in there now. Let's go to the pub." He wiggled his eyebrows.

Jeff appeared to fully register Ian's presence. "My mom said you were going to England to take care of your mum. She said you had asked for a sabbatical."

"Wouldn't I have told you if I had done so?"

Jeff shrugged. "That's what I said to her. But she insisted you told her that."

Ian let out a long sigh. "I may have been planning that, but things changed. Turns out cousin Clive was happy to help out. He lives there, you see, so it's much less of an imposition, even if it is mum." He shuddered.

Jeff scrunched up his face in thought. "I could have sworn you'd jump at the chance to get out of here."

Ian turned away and began to study the pencil. "I thought I'd be much more useful here." He suddenly did a little hop and slapped Jeff on the arm with a goofy grin. "Pub?"

"Sure, why the hell not?"

As they made their way down the hallway, they failed to notice a hissing noise in the vents.

Britta and Shirley moved in on Annie as she placed her biology textbook in her locker.

Annie turned around and jumped. "Oh!"

Shirley and Britta exchanged conspiring looks. Shirley cleared her throat and affected a sweet tone, "So, An-nie what is going on with Jeffrey?"

As she looked into her locker mirror and adjusted a stray hair, she said nonchalantly, "How would I know?"

Britta leaned against another locker and kicked the floor with her boot. "Annie, come on, you can tell us. He's being extra strange, even by Jeff standards."

Annie groaned and closed her locker. She motioned for them to follow her, and they began to make their way down the hall.

"I really don't know. He's been either really sweet or absentminded the last few days, like he's preoccupied with something. But when I ask, he won't open up to me."

Shirley affected an airy tone, "Who was calling him in class?"

Annie grimaced. "I don't know. I haven't seen him since class let out, and he didn't respond to my text."

"Are you worried?" Shirley eyed her with concern.

"He's probably feeling humiliated after Professor Kane kicked him out. Which means he's hiding somewhere." She avoided their eyes as they all plopped down on a couch in the student lounge. She mumbled and dropped her backpack on the floor, "He's probably at a bar."

Britta and Shirley exchanged alarmed looks.

"That boy is a fool."

"I don't know for sure. I just figured he might be. Plus I went by Professor Duncan's office and he wasn't there." She shrugged.

Britta nodded contemplatively and pulled out her phone. "Jerk." She sighed loudly. "Just a sec." She awkwardly punched some keys on her phone, scrunching up her face in concentration.

Within moments, her phone buzzed.

"Yup. He's with Professor Duncan. They're at the Dirty Cowgirl."

Annie leaned forward and put her head in her hands. "Things have been going so well between us. But he's shutting me out." She began to cry softly.

Shirley rubbed her back and said in a low voice, "I'll talk to him. Drinking's no solution, I know that from my own experience."

Annie mumbled, "He hasn't even been drinking much in like a year. He goes out with Professor Duncan once in awhile, but he hasn't even gotten drunk in a long time."

Shirley nodded as she continued to rub Annie's back. "That's good. But he should talk to you, not Professor Duncan."

Britta added, "Yeah. That guy's got his own problems."

Annie lifted her head and leaned back on the couch. "I don't mind if he talks to him. Believe it or not, they are friends. I just wish he'd also talk to me."

Shirley lowered her voice. "Did something happen lately? You said the two of you had a nice vacation."

"We did." She avoided their eyes as she added in a soft voice, "The only thing was Adam came by for another visit last week."

Britta raised her eyebrows. "How do those two get along?"

Annie shrugged. "About as well as I can expect. Adam's kind of a difficult person."

"I figured. And Jeff's not the best at putting up with crap."

Annie took a deep breath and looked over to Britta. "They're civil to one another. But I know Jeff hates leaving the room when Adam plays with Sophie. But we talked about it, and visits go better that way. We don't want Sophie to feel the tension or that she has to choose who she plays with. But I think it kills him."

Britta nodded. "He's pretty attached to Sophie. That must be hard to have to share her with her father."

Annie wiped a tear from her eye. "But that's what's so terrible. Jeff's more of a father to Sophie than Adam ever has been. And it hurts me to see him so hurt." She began to almost violently twist the hem of her skirt and avoided their eyes.

Shirley and Britta exchanged looks and Britta gave Shirley a nod.

"Now, sweetie, is there anything else? You can tell us."

They watched as tears streamed down Annie's cheeks. She kept her eyes closed as she gulped down a sob. "I didn't want to tell you guys just yet. Then it'll be real."

"An-nie, just go ahead. Maybe we can help."

She nodded and appeared to steady herself for a moment. She then said in a trembling voice, "Adam asked for overnights. He's going to start taking Sophie on the weekends. And I don't think I can stop him."

Britta and Shirley both gasped.

"Oh like hell he's doing that! He can't, right?"

Shirley gave Britta a sharp stare and then turned her attentions to Annie. She pulled her into a hug. "I'm so sorry, sweetie." She began to cry herself as she buried her face into Annie's hair.

"What the hell? No, he can't!"

Annie gulped down another sob and turned her head so that she could see Britta. "He can. It's in our custody agreement. I just never thought he would. But by law, he can demand up to fifty percent."

"That's insane!"

Annie pushed away from Shirley as Britta moved in closer to her. She grabbed her backpack off the floor and clutched it on her lap. Staring straight ahead, she said in a low voice, "I'm trying to stay positive. I don't think he'll take her half the time. That would really cramp his style. But he's asking us to start to allow him to take her for one night, on a Friday or Saturday, and then he'll bring her back. And if that goes well, he'll take her all weekend. He says he'd like to do this twice a month."

"But I thought the ass didn't want much to do with her. "

Annie shrugged. "He doesn't. I was surprised. But I don't think Jeff was. He saw this coming. He thinks he's doing it because he wants to control me. And he hates Jeff."

Shirley patted Annie's arm. "And what does Jeffrey say about it?"

Annie's lip trembled. "He's devastated. He's so afraid something's going to happen to Sophie. Jeff's own father hurt him."

Britta and Shirley exchanged more alarmed looks.

Annie let out a squeak and shook her head. "Please pretend I didn't say that."

Shirley pursed her lips. "This is not right. That man does not have the relationship that Andre has with our children. And even Andre knew better than to take my babies away from me when we were apart. And Sophie's so young. She needs her mother."

"There's nothing to do." Annie sniffed. "And now Jeff's won't even talk to me about it anymore. And I think he's keeping something from me."

"Oh, sweetie, it'll be okay. We're all here for you two."

Jeff muttered into his beer, "I want to kill him."

Ian nodded and took a swig of his own beverage. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. "I hope I don't have a duty to warn."

Jeff moved his beer to the side and placed his head on the bar. "I'm not your patient."

"But are you?"

"Huh?"

"Going to kill him?"

"Christ. No. I'm not insane."

"Many people hurt others, even if they're perfectly sane. And from what you've told me about the bastard I'd say you have a strong case in punching him the nose. Even with say a roll of quarters."

Jeff smirked a little at the comment. "That's an idea. Unfortunately, that'll come and bite me in the ass when he sues me for assault."

"But you have friends in the legal profession."

"And Annie would then murder me."

"But she's not that fond of him anymore, is she?"

Jeff groaned. "Nope. But still. He's technically the munchkin's father."

Ian shook his head and gripped his beer. "Then hope he'll fade away in time. Many technical fathers do that."

Jeff brought his head up and stared into his beer. "Yeah. Poor munchkin. I don't want to have to explain that to her someday."

"You can though. She'll be okay."

Jeff closed his eyes. "He's trying to have it both ways though. Just enough to upset Annie. He doesn't even care about Sophie, and overnights. Crap. He can't take care of her."

Ian appeared to contemplate this for a moment and then nodded sagely. "Many people put their egos before the welfare of children."

"Goddammit. I know that." Jeff gulped down his beer and stared wide-eyed at the bar. He jabbered, "That's why, see, I'm running through scenarios. I've got that call in to Mark, but then he called me back during class, which got me kicked out, and now I can't reach him since he's in court. And I already took the money out of the bank before Annie catches on since she wants to look at my accounts."

Ian turned abruptly toward him. "I don't follow. Money? Accounts? Mark?"

Jeff nodded. "Annie wants to know my finances. She's good with money and she wants to help me save more so that I can be on solid footing with this thing I might do after I graduate."

"The rest?" Ian regarded him curiously.

Jeff added as if he were making perfect sense, "I didn't want to have her see the money go missing, so I had to quickly move it out into a separate account."

"Money for what?"

Jeff suddenly paled. "Nevermind."

"Jeffrey."

"That's Plan B. Plan A is something I've already kind of set in motion."

Ian nodded and sipped his beer. "Ah. So tell me about Plan A."

Jeff squinted at him. "I can't. It's a string operation. And it might not pan out. Which is why I don't want Annie to know about it. But I have my suspicions."

"Suspicions?"

"He's going down."

Annie sat with Jeff on the library steps.

"I just needed to get out of here for a little while. It was embarrassing."

She nodded. "I know. But next time just tell me where you went. And answer my text."

"I'm sorry. I didn't know how to explain it."

They sat in silence for some moments before Annie steeled herself to ask the question on her mind.

"Who was calling you in class?"

He closed his eyes and leaned back on his elbows. "Mark."

Annie took a deep breath and placed her hand on his thigh. She smiled wearily as she said, "We've talked about this. I already spoke to Mark."

"But, see…"

"There's nothing we can do. We can delay it a little. Mark says a judge would probably be sympathetic to Sophie needing time to adjust. We'll have to have Adam come over more often and for longer visits. And I can go with her the first time she's with him to make her more comfortable."

Jeff felt an unpleasant warmth spreading throughout his upper body, his heart rate increasing as he felt sweat begin to drip from his brow.

As he spoke, he felt his breath catch. "She'll be scared."

Annie moved her hand in circles over his thigh. She gulped before she said softly, "I know. I'll talk to Adam, just him and me. I'll see if he can be reasonable about this."

Jeff attempted to push down the bile coming up this throat. He found himself unhelpfully adding, "I'm sure he'll love that. You groveling. And I'm sure he'd just think it's great if you spend a night over at his place."

"Please. He doesn't…" She trailed off as she eyed him with concern. "Are you drunk?"

Jeff opened his eyes and stared at the quad. "I'm not sober. Sorry, I know the last thing you need is to be with an alcoholic."

Annie shook her head in frustration. "You're not an alcoholic, Jeff. While I'm not happy you went to a bar in the middle of the morning, we can get past this. I don't want to fight with you." Her voice trembled as she added, "I can't take that right now. Not when I have to give up my baby on weekends."

He winced. "Christ. Now I feel like even more of a jerk."

She affected a calmer tone as she said, "And I know you're hurting too. But everything will be okay. It has to be. There's no need to bother Mark again. He's explained everything to me."

They were silent again for a little while.

Jeff finally broke it. "He needs a drug test though, right?"

She arched a brow. "We've been over this. You are not going to fake a positive drug test."

"But how do we know he'd even pass one?"

"He's not on coke. I'd know."

"Um hm."

There was a loud clickety clack of metal as Leonard rode by on his bike and called out, "When are you gonna put another baby in her, Winger?"

Jeff sat up and cupped his hands on the side of his mouth. "Right after you win the Greendale swimsuit competition. I've seen you at the gym, Leonard, and you have serious man boobs."

Annie smacked him in his side.

Jeff settled into his study room chair with Sophie on his lap. She was sucking her thumb and nuzzling into this chest. She pulled her thumb out of her mouth for a moment and let out a yawn before shoving it back in.

"You must have had a thrilling day, munchkin."

She pulled her thumb out of her mouth and looked up at him with a weak smile.

"Fee no da-dee. Fee mith." She put her thumb back in her mouth and continued to stare at him.

He held back something coming into his eyes. He blinked. "Miss you too, munchkin." He then tossed his phone on the table and continued to hold Sophie.

Annie watched the interaction and wiped a tear from her eye.

Pierce smiled unnervingly from his spot across the room. He laced his fingers together and said, "I'm very glad you've sobered up Jeffrey. I suppose you've um, heard, that I am now in Biology class. But we've all decided that you can remain in the group."

Jeff rolled his eyes.

Annie huffed. "Pierce! There was no question Jeff was out of the group. Plus, um, Jeff…." She turned to Jeff and raised her eyebrows.

Jeff coughed. "Right." He looked around the table at the group's curious faces. "I'm back in Biology. Turns out Starburns miscalculated and got himself kicked out."

"Awesome! Now we're all a family again." Troy smiled broadly. "Nice job, man."

Jeff nodded smugly. "I wasn't going anywhere. No jerk can keep me away from you guys."

The Dean took that moment to sashay into the room, now jacket-less and goatee-less. He looked around the table sheepishly. "I may have misspoken earlier when I said things were going to be different. They aren't going to be that different."

Abed cocked his head to the side. He then narrowed his eyes as he watched a uniformed Chang march past the study room. He opened his mouth, but the Dean, who had followed his gaze, waived the air. "I can't get into that now. Turns out everything will be the same as last year, only we won't have any money." His voice cracked at the end of the sentence.

Annie's eyes widened. "What?!"

He looked at her with a panicked expression, bit his knuckle, and ran out of the room.

"So, that was weird."

"Jeffrey, clearly something is wrong with that poor man." Shirley placed a kiss on baby Ben's head as she bounced him on her lap.

"Guys, it's the end of our first day. We haven't talked about my accomplishment." Britta puffed out her chest as she smoothed down the cover of her Chemistry book.

Jeff smirked. "Wow. What did I miss?"

Britta continued to preen and avoided his gaze. "I may have saved Abed. Um, after I broke him. Sorry." She looked over to her right.

Abed made a gunning gesture with his hand. "Forgiven. It's the best show I've ever seen. I owe you."

Britta smiled as a blush crept over her cheeks. She turned back to the group and looked around the table. "I met with Professor Duncan an hour ago and declared a major. Psychology."

Jeff arched a brow and maneuvered Sophie on his lap. "You mean like in a research capacity?"

"No, jerkwad. I'm going to be a therapist. I helped Abed."

Jeff opened his mouth but stopped as Annie kicked him under the table.