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I have failed at review replies for the last chapter. Life has been unrelenting this week, and I was doing everything I could to find time to write. So please know that I have read and treasured each review, and appreciate your support more than you could possibly know. Thank you!
Sunflower Fran is a joy to have as a beta. She always makes my stuff look so much better. She had a birthday this week, so ... Hope it was a wonderful day, Sweet Lady!
Well, this should be interesting ...
"Sleep, sweet Bella."
Those three words had haunted me all night and into the early hours of the morning. When I could find sleep, I woke to sensations that were unmentionable in polite society, fueled by hazy images of Edward embracing me in a much too intimate way.
I'd heard him speak those words before, but something about them, coupled with the memory of his kisses, had brought a memory to my mind that I knew had never happened. I knew it was a dream, but those intimate thoughts were causing me great discomfort as I sat across from Edward at a small table just inside the window at Kate's. Alice sat with us, though she seemed to pay little attention as she cradled Jackson in one arm and a book in the other.
Edward cleared his throat as I shifted in my chair for the hundredth time. Conversation was halting and awkward, the silence even more so. It was a far cry from what we were used to, and I missed our usual comfortable banter.
"How's your meal?" Edward's voice was formal and a bit nervous. I knew mine would be, as well. I glanced down at my half-eaten food, shifting it around with my fork once again.
"Good, thank you. Yours?"
He gave a slight nod and a tight smile as Alice sighed, loudly. "I'm going to the Post to pick up a package. I'll let Kate know that you're without a chaperone and ask her to keep close by. Enjoy the rest of your lunch and I'll meet you out front when you're done."
Alice pushed her chair back, and Edward stood quickly, steadying her as she stood with the baby. Seconds later, she was out the door, leaving Edward and me alone in a room full of people. I turned my attention back to the food in front of me, hoping that the conversation would flow more freely now, but still a little nervous to be the first to speak.
Edward broke the silence.
"I won't be able to stop by this evening. I have several visits to make, so it'll be late when I get home."
I nodded, understanding that his job could be demanding. Though, his mention of home made me think about the house that I had grown accustomed to taking care of.
"How are things at home?"
Edward grinned widely, and I couldn't help but return it, suddenly feeling like we were back to our old, comfortable way of talking.
"Well, I'm sure Bess is protesting. She won't even look at me when I do the milking. She's used to you singing and talking to her." He grinned and cocked a brow, letting me know that he had been watching, even in the mundane tasks around the homestead. "You spoiled her, and now she's rotten. She misses you."
I giggled, a little embarrassed. But his next words, spoken softly, were enough to take my breath away.
"I miss you."
He was staring, searching, as our eyes met.
"I miss you, too."
A sweet silence stretched between us, comfortable and calm. Edward's hand slid across the table and covered mine, squeezing gently as our eyes met.
Edward thoroughly confused me. He comforted me, calmed me, angered me, and frustrated me. And he stirred feelings and sensations in me that I had never felt before and couldn't understand. There were so many things I wanted to know, and so many questions I was afraid to ask.
"What are you thinking about?" His whispered words caused my heart to beat faster and create a tingle that I felt all the way to my toes. My lips parted, and I drew in a sharp breath as I realized I was leaning toward him across the table. "When you look at me like that, what are you thinking?"
I should have been embarrassed, but he seemed so open, as vulnerable as I felt, and I knew he would be honest with me.
"I feel things that I don't understand, and I wondered if you felt them as well."
Edward's eyes widened at my quiet statement, before looking away as he released my hand. I waited, wondering if I had spoken too brashly. When his eyes shot up to meet mine once again, they were intense and dark as he spoke.
"I do feel it, Bella. So much so, that I'm relieved we're sitting in a room full of people right now."
Edward's eyes darted to my lips as I unconsciously licked them and swallowed hard. The look in his eyes was much too intimate and wanton – and I vaguely remembered it, even if it had only been in that unmentionable dream. I had to know what was real, and I hoped he would answer me truthfully.
"Edward, that first morning, in the clinic," I kept my voice low as he nodded for me to continue. "Did you stay as I slept?"
He ducked his head as he answered, "I did. For a while."
"Did you speak to me?" At his curious glance, I clarified, "I thought I remembered you saying 'sleep, sweet Bella'. It was familiar when you said it last night."
He was quiet for a moment, his cheeks turning pink as he finally nodded.
"Was that all you said?"
Clearing his throat, Edward dropped his gaze to the tabletop, remaining silent long enough to worry me. As I drew in a breath to tell him it didn't matter, his eyes lifted, vulnerable and pleading as he covered my hand with his own once again.
"I begged you to let me take care of you. Even then, I was drawn to you, Bella. I needed … still need, to take care of you."
Our intimate conversation was interrupted as Kate approached the table, letting us know that Jasper had covered the cost of the meal and was waiting for Edward at his office. It was obvious that they were letting us know that we had spent enough time together for now.
Edward rose and pulled out my chair, offering his arm as we left the restaurant. Alice was waiting on the walkway, smiling at us and quickly pulling me away from Edward and toward Newton's store.
***HCA***
"You've been quiet this evening. Is everything all right?" Alice turned her embroidery and pushed the needle through the delicate cloth, feigning disinterest.
"Yes, thank you."
I kept my eyes on the needlepoint in my lap, trying my best to ignore Alice's penetrating stare. There were so many things I wanted to ask her, but were much too delicate to speak aloud - especially by an unmarried woman. I knew Alice would do her best to answer my questions, but it would likely embarrass us both.
"I don't believe you. Something is on your mind. Did the rest of your lunch go well? Did Edward do something to upset you?"
"No, nothing like that, it was a lovely afternoon." I hesitated, wanting her to know that Edward had been a perfect gentleman, but needing to talk to her about the turmoil in my heart and mind. "I wonder if I might discuss something with you, Alice - as a friend. And if you might not speak with Jasper about it."
"Of course." She slid the needle into the corner of her fabric and laid it aside, leaning forward in her chair to offer me her entire attention. "What troubles you?"
I took a deep breath and focused my sight on my hands, unwilling to look her in the eye, as I knew the embarrassment would be too much. "Alice, have you ever dreamed about Jasper? I mean, actually seen him in your dreams while you slept?"
"Yes. Many times."
"And what was it like? Did he speak to you? Touch you?"
Alice's eyes narrowed, and her head tilted as she regarded me carefully. "What exactly are you asking me, Bella?"
"I had a dream about Edward."
"Well, that's only natural. You're courting, and he means a great deal to you."
"No, Alice, it was that first day that we met. In the clinic, after I spoke with Jasper, Edward offered me a bed to get some rest. He said things … there were things that happened in the dream …"
Alice continued to stare at me as she thought about what I'd said. "Okay … OH! Oh, Bella, you mean you … Oh!"
My face flushed crimson and felt as though it were aflame. I couldn't bear to look at her, worried that I would find disappointment and disgust marring her kind face. It was only when I heard her laugh that I chanced a peek at her. Alice was giggling uncontrollably, the back of her hand pressed against her mouth as she began to shake her head.
"Oh, Bella! I think you are the first woman who has ever been brave enough to speak about such things to me. Of course, it is completely normal, but no matron would ever tell you that. They want to preserve the image of the innocent, naïve girl for as long as possible." Getting herself completely under control, Alice leaned forward, her eyes full of mirth as she whispered, conspiratorially, "I often have dreams like that about my Jasper. Tell me about it, please."
My face must have shown my shock as I fell back against my chair. Alice simply picked up her embroidery and settled herself as she looked expectantly at me, waiting.
"He was … I … umm …" I cleared my throat and tried to gather my thoughts. "Edward says things sometimes that sound familiar, as though I've heard him say them before, but in a more intimate setting." I implored her with my gaze to understand my meaning. She nodded and motioned with her hand for me to continue.
"Today, he admitted that he stayed with me that day, and that he had spoken to me while I slept. Some of the things he said were exactly what he had said in the dream, but of course, his actions were very different. It was so intimate, and now that I have the real memory of his kiss, it is so much more vivid."
Alice nodded, knowingly, "Your body recognized him as your match, even if your grieving mind and heart couldn't. It's very romantic."
"Romantic?! Alice, it's downright sinful!"
"Do you love him?" Alice asked, with a knowing smirk as her arms crossed across her breast.
"Yes." In a whisper that might as well have been a shout.
"Then there is nothing sinful or shameful about it. It's the physical act of love, and I promise, it will be something that you will enjoy." There was silence for a moment as Alice's eyes bore into mine. "Have you discussed this dream with Edward?"
"No! I would be mortified, Alice."
"I suppose that you would be, however, I think it would be a great benefit to tell him about it once you're married."
My heart fell at the mention of marriage, and I'm sure she could see my discomfort.
"What is it, Bella?"
I fought the sadness that I felt at the turn my life had taken in the last two days, but felt ungrateful as I tried to explain it.
"I miss him. It was so easy before. We could talk about anything, and we lived in a comfortable companionship. Now, with all of these expectations that courting brings, I find it difficult to know what to say or how to act. I think … I think it was better before we were courting."
The last was just a whisper as I admitted my frustration, hoping Alice would understand.
"I suppose you do have a unique circumstance. I can imagine it would be difficult to be together with a chaperone after you've enjoyed candid discussions alone beforehand. You're beginning the courtship where most people find themselves nearing the end ... nearing the actual marriage." Her words trailed off, as she seemed lost in thought.
Suddenly, Alice's eyes met mine, shining with excitement. "Have you unpacked your things, Bella?"
"Not yet."
"Good. Leave them be. I have an idea, and if all goes according to plan, you won't be staying here long enough to settle in."
***HCA***
My hands shook as I cracked eggs into a large mixing bowl, trying to keep from spilling anything onto the clean table. I'd already had to scrape eggshells out of the bowl twice, and I had spilled the milk as I poured it into a pitcher.
I don't know what I had been thinking, allowing Alice to convince me that this was a good idea. Now, standing in the middle of Edward's kitchen, it seemed the most ill-conceived plan in the history of mankind.
Alice had convinced Ben to let us ride along as he headed out to the Crowley farm long before dawn. We sat, huddled together for warmth, in the back of Ben's wagon, with Jackson tucked away in a bundle of cloth that Alice had settled between us. When we arrived, Alice settled herself in my old room in the barn, napping and nursing the baby while I set about the normal morning chores of milking the cow and preparing breakfast.
I expected Edward to come downstairs at any minute, knowing that the smell of eggs and salted ham would alert him to the fact that he was not alone. I kept my hands busy, not wanting to be idle when he found me. Kneading dough for bread, I hoped and prayed that Alice was right, that this would end well. It wasn't long until I heard his measured steps, faltering a bit when he entered the room.
"Bella, what are you doing?"
"Preparing your breakfast. I hope you're hungry. I've got eggs, ham, some fried potatoes with a bit of onion, and Alice has sent along some muffins."
"That's not what I meant, Bella. What are you doing here?"
I turned for the first time and faced him. He was as handsome as ever, clean-shaven and bright-eyed for the early hour. His hair was the only thing that revealed the nerves that had unsettled him. Usually combed and neatly in place, it was unruly and sticking up as though he'd been running his hands through it for hours.
As if he'd heard my thoughts, his hands scrubbed across his face and then into his hair, setting it even more askew than before. I took a deep breath and hoped Alice was right.
"This is my home, Edward. I belong here, with you. By your side … forever."
His expression was blank as he stared at me, and I prayed he felt the same. It took what felt like hours for his expression to change. His eyes held that breathtaking intensity as he took a step toward me.
"This is what you want? Are you sure?"
"Yes." I barely recognized my own voice as the word left my lips in a breathy rush. Edward took a couple of steps toward me, and I took a step back, not knowing his thoughts.
"You trust me? Without knowing my full temperament?" He took a step forward with each query.
"I know you would never hurt me. You're a good man, kind and compassionate." I took one stumbling step in retreat.
"You would bind yourself to me this way? Forever?" Another step forward.
"If you'll have me."
A final step back and my backside was pressed against the worktable. Edward continued to advance, his hands coming to rest on the tabletop on either side of my hips. He leaned forward, careful to keep his body from touching mine as his lips pressed softly against my cheek.
His breath was deep and measured, as though he was laboring to keep it even. His intense gaze burned into mine as he spoke in a husky whisper.
"I'll have you, Bella. God help me, I will." His eyes dropped to my lips, and I wasted no time in pushing up on my toes to meet him, pressing my lips to his. The angle was awkward, but he adjusted immediately, pulling me close and taking control.
Soft, warm, gentle kisses as his fingers traced across my cheeks, leaving fire in their wake. My heart pounded wildly, while my hands trembled against his chest. Utter bliss in all its perfection.
A squeaky hinge and a rush of cool air alerted me to Alice's entrance. Edward turned his head, our lips making that odd smacking sound as they separated. He seemed unsurprised to see her, nodding in greeting before turning back to me.
"Your accomplice, I presume?"
I nodded but remained silent. Edward sighed, running his hands down my arms to clasp my hands. We stood still, staring at one another as minutes passed. A slow, sweet smirk lifted the right side of his mouth as he shook his head.
"You're going to be all sorts of trouble, aren't you?" He leaned forward and kissed the tip of my nose before turning to face Alice. "Is your husband aware of this scheme?"
"I suspect he's seen the note I left him by now." Alice had a smug smile on her face, clearly proud of what we had accomplished this morning. I wasn't so sure of myself. Edward had asked questions and had to know what I wanted, but had given me no indication as to what he was thinking.
"Well, let's enjoy this fine breakfast and wait for him to arrive, shall we?"
I quickly pulled plates from the shelves, setting about placing the meal on the table. Alice joined me, and within minutes, we were sitting down to eat. After pushing in my chair, I finally looked at Edward, hoping to get some idea of his plans.
The sight that met my eyes was breathtaking.
Edward was settled in his chair with Jackson cradled in his right arm. The tiny boy was sleeping soundly as Edward stroked his pink hand with his forefinger. His face radiated wonder and awe.
And in that moment, if it was possible, I loved him even more.
Our meal was nearly finished when we heard the sound of a horse approaching. For a brief moment, Alice's eyes grew wide and worried. She reached for Jackson, pulling her son from Edward's arms and tucking him against her breast. It certainly looked as though she was creating a shield between herself and whatever fury Jasper would bring with him.
Edward grinned and rose to open the door. Alice and I sat stone still as we waited for the men to join us. Jasper was the first to enter, followed by an amused Edward.
"Well, this is a fine mess you've caused, Alice. What on earth were you thinking?"
"I was thinking that it was ridiculous that Edward and Bella were forced to begin a courtship when they were clearly in the betrothal stage. It was painful to watch, Jasper! And you, on your high horse about keeping them to the rules of that courting candle … you'd have hated that if my Pa had forced it on you!"
"Yes, I would have hated it, but I am responsible for Bella's reputation."
"You're not her Pa, Jasper!" Alice stood and squared her shoulders as she faced him.
Neither of them noticed the reaction that Alice's words caused in both Edward and me. The memory of similar words coming from my own mouth a few nights ago, as well as Edward's response to them, had my lips tingling, hoping for another kiss like that one. Edward seemed to be thinking the same thing as his fingers pressed against his lips. He quickly caught himself, though, and scrubbed his hand across his jaw to cover his inappropriate reminiscing.
Clearly wanting to end the marital standoff that was taking place in his kitchen, Edward cleared his throat and drew Jasper's attention.
"I think it best that you see to getting the ladies home. I'll stop by the Webber's place and be along in a bit. We'll need to get an early start to make it to Oklahoma City before dark. I'll hitch the surrey for them. Bella's accustomed to driving it."
Jasper nodded and suddenly Edward was gone. I glanced at Alice, who was practically bouncing with excitement while Jasper shook his head and smirked at his enthusiastic wife. "Can you manage to get Bella home without any more shenanigans, wife? I'll need to help Edward get squared away here and then stop by the Post to send for the doc in Guthrie."
Alice practically jumped into Jasper's arms, clearly thrilled with his words. "Thank you for not being angry. I didn't mean any harm."
"I know, darlin'."
I turned and began to clean up the kitchen and put away the remains of our meal as the tender moment between the two of them went on behind me. I tried to remember if I'd met the Webbers, and why Edward needed to see them. Several minutes passed as I tidied up and pondered what was happening when I heard the sound of Edward coming in the door. Jasper excused himself, and Alice and I watched silently as he joined Edward in his study, shutting the door behind him.
I turned quickly to Alice and asked, "Who are the Webbers? I know I've heard the name, but I can't place it."
Alice's smile rivaled the sun on a clear day. "Pastor Webber and his wife live just outside of town. He's older and doesn't stand in the pulpit much anymore, but he's fit to perform the ceremony!"
"Ceremony?" It took my mind only seconds to catch up as I realized what was happening. "He intends to marry? Oh!" My knees buckled as I grasped the fact that, in a few hours, I would be a married woman.
Alice caught my arm, pulling me toward a chair. I sat heavily and looked up at her, stunned. Her eyes filled with worry as she sat beside me.
"This is what you want, right?"
"Y-yes. I'm just … I can't believe this is happening. He never said he wanted this. Does he want this?"
"Bella, the one thing I can say about Edward is that he does exactly what he wants to do. He left an incredible life in Chicago to come here, where life is utterly unpredictable and new. He did it because he wanted to. He is marrying you because he wants to, there is no doubt that he is sure."
Alice's words made sense to me. Edward had made it clear, time and time again, that he wanted me. He had pursued me, even when I was too foolish to see or understand it. I smiled at Alice, reaching out to grasp her hand. "I need to put on a clean dress."
***HCA***
Edward arrived at the Whitlock's home right around noon. Pastor Webber followed him into the house and set a small, flat satchel on the table. Alice offered some hot cider and warm sweet bread, but the men declined. Edward glanced around the room, looking for me.
I was watching the entire gathering from the kitchen, the door pushed open just enough to let me see, but not participate.
When we arrived at the house, Alice insisted that I wear something prettier than a simple cotton dress for my wedding. She pulled out the green silk that I had worn to the social, claiming that I had held Edward's attention all evening while wearing it. It was amusing to me, that, when he arrived, Edward was also dressed in the same attire that he had worn to the social. I wondered if Jasper had noticed how much I watched Edward that night and encouraged him to wear his garments for the same reason.
My mind was racing, and I was so lost in my thoughts that when Alice pulled the door open, I stumbled forward, making a less than graceful appearance as I entered the room.
Edward smiled widely as our eyes met. The flutters of worry and nervousness I had felt for the last couple of hours melted away in that moment. I knew that once I took his arm, all would be right in my world.
Within ten minutes, it was done.
A simple reading of scripture, an exchange of vows, and the signing of a document and my life was forever changed.
I was now, Mrs. Edward Cullen.
Okay, that has to be the shortest courtship ever!
So, a lot of you asked about the courting candle. It is a real thing and was used from the 1600's until the late 1800's. My grandmother had one that had been in our family for about 100 years. My mom has it now. It looks like a big iron spring attached to a small round base. The candle sits in a cup that is inside the spring and can be adjusted up or down by twisting it. When a girl was old enough to court and had suitors come calling, the father would set the candle to whatever height he felt appropriate and lit it. When it burned to the top of the holder (the spring), the visit was over. Usually, the candle was placed very low in the holder during the early stages of courtship. As the couple got closer to marriage, the candle was placed higher, burning longer and allowing them more time together for each visit. Of course, the father could extinguish the candle at any time, bringing the visit to an end (just as Jasper did in the last chapter).
We've told our 15 year old daughter that we were going to get Grandma's candle and use it when she starts to date. Thankfully, she's too focused on school and music right now for it to be an issue. Yes, I'm well aware that those days are numbered! When my husband and I were dating, he would come over to my parents house often for dinner and would stay until late. My Dad would watch the news and then late night reruns of Seinfeld. When that was over, he would look pointedly at my sweet man and say, "Time for you to go, Son." So, I guess Seinfeld was our courting candle!