IMPORTANT: From this chapter and onwards all conversation will be held in Xiangese, unless stated otherwise. Thusly it will not be in italics anymore.

Chapter Eleven – Monologue of the Fallen

There was still so much of Xiang that Egill had not seen, but as they travelled by horse and carriage from the castle towards Kwanyo, over the ravines and down the sloping mountain side, next to green hills and meandering rivers, rice fields, farms and towns Egill's focus was not to the beauty outside, but upon his fiancé, whom had gotten sick. Jia-Long hadn't had any experience of transferring a sickness via kissing, and no one had even told him what should be obvious, and so he had no one but himself to blame for having caught Egill's cold.

Still Egill felt that it was his fault, and so he spent his time nursing Jia-Long. In the limited area he could do little, while on the road, other then put his arm around Jia-Long, wrap the blankets even closer around his body and whenever they made a stop, get him water, herbal tea and food. He would bring a bowl of soup back into their carriage and feed Jia-Long every time it was time to eat, but while Jia-Long had felt very pathetic from the start, he had come to enjoy being pampered.

"You don't have to, uhm… worry", Egill had said. "You don't always need to be strong." He had smiled so gently towards him then, that Jia-Long could not with a good conscience resist the nursing.

Egill had assessed correctly; Jia-Long had felt embarrassed, and weak, being the sick one. He had feared that Egill's opinion of him would waver; that he would no longer view Jia-Long as flawless and capable. On the contrary, he noticed that Egill seemed rather happy to be the one to take care of him, for a change. It probably made him feel useful, and that was only a positive. Jia-Long started planning what he could do with it; say he was tired, so Egill could attend to his needs; say he was exhausted, so Egill could massage him; say he was feeling lustful, so Egill could please him. The latter would become effective only after marriage, but there was nothing wrong with planning ahead.

This silent agreement was fair on both parties, Jia-Long thought. Egill got to feel useful, and Jia-Long had a perfect servant whom he could use for his pleasure without shame or guilt.

After four days of travelling Jia-Long finally started to feel better, and could leave the carriage for the first time. He had admittedly played sicker than he was to enjoy the nursing, but the fourth day was when his throat was no longer sore at all. Egill had stayed inside to keep him company at all time, except for when fetching food, and of course he also joined Jia-Long outside by the lunch stop.

Next to the road they travelled by were endless green hills, forming what seemed like a dragon's back in the horizon. Before them were green beautiful fields, and the guards were putting down tables and seats for the royalty, while the chefs and servants they had brought cooked their lunch. Jia-Long grabbed Egill's hand and gently tugged him along, as they skipped over a small trench towards the outdoors dining space. Egill was carrying a teal umbrella, matching with his butterfly printed chang-ao dress. He needed to be protected from the sun, he was too fragile to be burned – that was Jia-Long's worried reasoning that he had explained to Egill whenever Egill wished to go outside. Although he used to be saddened by this, he was also flattered that Jia-Long was so caring, and he knew that if he really wanted to he could go without the umbrella and Jia-Long would not be mad. It was for his own good, so why should he not?

Jia-Long asked for a rug, and was given one of bamboo, that that he unrolled atop the field on a slight slope, so that they could sit down. They did so, quite close to each other of course, and Egill rested his head against Jia-Long's shoulder, bringing the umbrella to shade them both.

Before them was a glorious view; the hillside they were seated on continuing into a dark pit, only to rise up again to form another, much larger, hill covered in large trees so green that the grass turned jealous. The sky above them was clear and free of clouds, creating the perfect summer day, with a sun as dazzling as a diamond. It was thus good that they had the umbrella, or they would have been blinded by its light; now they were free to look wherever they wished.

Behind them Yao had sat down by the table, which was placed under the shadow of a tree. He saw the backs of the young couple and frowned; their public affection was a trying of his patience. He felt that no matter what he did now Egill was far too brainwashed to even see someone beside for Jia-Long, and thought that it perhaps would be in his best interest to give up. The jealousy he was experiencing wasn't befitting an emperor; he should just admit defeat gracefully; it wasn't a big loss, after all. Admittedly, Egill had made him feel happier than he had been in a long while, but perhaps their relationship as teacher and pupil was enough to satisfy his middle life crisis; his cry for validation.

It was bitter, the taste of losing, but he knew that it was something every person had to deal with. A person who did not know what it was like to fail was a person who lived in sloth and fear of the unknown; a coward who never tried anything new. Even the smug faced Jia-Long would have to deal with loss, and failure. For the sake of Xiang Yao could only wish that his failures would not affect the country; that they would be minimal, insignificant, and easy to deal with; such as this loss he was experiencing himself. However, Yao was afraid that it wouldn't be so. Looking over at the young couple, so obviously in love with each other, he feared that Jia-Long would overreact terribly if he made a mistake with Egill – or if Egill was to be harmed. Something seemingly unimportant he could turn into the cause of war if it involved his beloved fiancé; that was a truth Yao had realized.

Though Jia-Long was too stubborn and conceited to admit flaws Yao knew that there was much still he did not know, and the ignorance was dangerous. It made him unfit to rule; making him only an emperor of those crude weeds he had seen growing in Dankrieg. He was the emperor of thistle, at best.

It was a troubling matter, indeed. Although so young, before going to Dankrieg Yao had thought that Jia-Long was capable of ruling. Despite his spoiled ways he was strong, loved by the people; and most importantly, emotionless. Jia-Long would only change his expression when putting someone down, or when fighting; then he would smirk. He had been perfect, for his emotions never ruled him – even though he was a teenager. He had had the indifference towards death of a traumatized soldier, and the cruel disdain towards weakness as the leader of the world needed to have. Though far from pleasant, he had had qualities suitable for his destiny.

But he had changed. He paid less and less attention to Yao's lectures, and he neglected all of his duties for Egill's sake. He had grown from being selfish to becoming dangerously absorbed by his fiancé, and that meant that Xiang would suffer.

Forcing them apart would be the best action, hypothetically, but looking over at them; being so inseparable; Yao knew that this would be impossible – and if possible, then only more harmful. Jia-Long might not have realized it, but he was just as trapped into the happy sphere of love as Egill was; and it mattered not who had chained them together in the first place; for neither party had a key. The ultimate and sole way to separate them was with the death; but as they were tied so closely this would only mean dragging the other down with him.

Yao was facing a horrible dilemma, and as usual there was no one intelligent enough to discuss with. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, pausing the world around him to fade into a state of clear thinking and unconsciousness.

By the hillside the world was moving, however, at least part of it. The wind swayed the grass before them ever so slightly, but was not forceful enough to howl. The trees were firm and standing tall, and though they heard distant birds and the sounds of chefs cooking and servants putting the table Jia-Long and Egill somehow felt that they were all alone.

A praying mantis suddenly jumped onto the rug they were seated on, and the size of it made Egill startle, but Jia-Long instead extended his hand and grabbed it; and somehow it did not attempt to escape.

"I used to catch these all the time", Jia-Long said, and opened his hand close to Egill, who now did not fear the large bug. "When I was a kid", Jia-Long explained, while the mantis sat calmly in his palm, looking up at the prince.

"Really?" Egill asked; smiling, as he loved to hear about Jia-Long. Especially his past; he wanted to know what it had been like for Jia-Long growing up.

"Yes", Jia-Long replied. "My house had an enormous, big, garden, and there would be many of these – mantises – there. My sister and me would compete in who could gather the most." He sounded happy, Egill thought, speaking of his sister. He never spoke of her, not really, and so Egill had assumed that their relationship wasn't very strong. Perhaps it hurt Jia-Long to talk about her. Being separated for three years must have taken its toll on him.

"That sounds nice", Egill confirmed.

"It was", Jia-Long said. "Did you do anything like that with your brother?" He was curious to see what reaction Egill would have if Lukas was brought up, and was not very surprised to see Egill suddenly frown.

"Not really", he said. It sounded like he was trying to cover up for something, Jia-Long thought, and he let the mantis go so he could cup Egill's cheek.

"I'm sorry", he said. "I shouldn't have brought him up… it's still fresh, isn't it? That you chose to leave him."

"No", Egill said. "It's not that… it was my choice", he repeated the lie. "But… I need to…"

Suddenly, a small gong was heard, and they turned to see that lunch was served. Egill did not continue with his sentence, and so Jia-Long stood, and helped him to his feet, and they walked hand in hand to the set table. It was square, and not very large, so they could not sit next to each other. Thusly Jia-Long sat down opposite Yao, with Egill stuck in the middle. He folded the umbrella and placed it next to his seat before sitting down and bowing his head, like Jia-Long did, before Yao announced that they could eat.

It was rice they ate, alongside soy sauce and chicken. Like the other meals had been during their trip to Kwanyo it was clearly not as advanced as the food served in the castle, but it was good still to Egill, and he ate hungrily.

After lunch when the servants cleared the table, the chambermaid from Egill's room – whom Yao had decided to take along – served them tea. Egill liked her; Huang Shu, as she was named; for she was always happy to help him dress, and always seemed pleased to see him. Most of the servants treated him well of course, but never seemed to have much respect for a foreigner like him; Shu was different.

"I have made a decision", Yao announced as they drank their tea. Jia-Long looked at him indifferently, but Egill at least seemed interested in what he was about to say. "Since Jia-Long hasn't cared for his duties it is my only choice." Yao's look darkened, but Jia-Long didn't flinch.

"Your highness", Egill said softly. "What did Jia-Long do?"

"Don't worry", Jia-Long told him, placing his hand atop Egill's on the table. "I've just spent more time with you. Old Yao's jealous."

"I am concerned", Yao corrected. "You are not fit to rule, Jia-Long."

"Oh?"

"I am serious", said Yao. "You've been too absorbed by your fiancé to study, and you constantly prioritize spending time with him over training to become an emperor."

Many of the words he used Egill did not understand, but like usual he connected the words he did know, and based his assumption on what they had said based on that. Now it seemed to him like Yao was implying that Jia-Long was with him rather than studying to become an emperor; and that made him feel-

"Stop it Yao, you're just trying to guilt Egill, aren't you?" Jia-Long said; his voice suddenly colder. "If you're upset with me, don't take it out on him-"

"Enough!" yelled Yao, and he suddenly stood. "You ungrateful brat!" He had never yelled at Jia-Long in public, and he realized quickly that it had been a bad move; the servants staring were too many to just get rid of discreetly. He couldn't let them doubt Jia-Long – what if word spread across Xiang that their next emperor – the heir to the throne – was someone Yao thought was useless. "I will not resign before you're married!" Yao yelled, convincingly, and he stormed off, back to his carriage.

Egill and Jia-Long stared after him, both shocked, though the prince was also frightened. Jia-Long hugged his hand then, and made him calm down.

Although Jia-Long wouldn't say that he liked Yao he did have to admit to himself that he was fairly impressed with the acting. Yao had lost his temper, but upon realizing how damaging it could be to have people doubt Jia-Long, had played it off to make himself look like the bad guy. A noble act, surely.

Egill was about to ask what it was all about, but Jia-Long shushed him, saying that he would explain in the privacy of their carriage. Of course, Egill realized; he was not supposed to address Jia-Long directly, unless he was spoken to, in public.

The calm that tea should bring had already been disturbed by Yao, and so there was no point for them to linger. Jia-Long and Egill walked back towards their carriage, under the teal umbrella, but a guard walked up to them and bowed his head, saying that the emperor had requested his heir to ride with him for a while. This aggravated Jia-Long, and saddened Egill, but he had no choice but to go.

After the servants had tidied up after the lunch stop they were on their way again with the carriages moving. In total there were five, each driven by two horses each, as well as twenty free horses ridden by armed guards. The first carriage was Yao's, the second one was for his four top council members; whom travelled with him wherever he went; the third was Jia-Long and Egill's, the fourth was for the royalty's clothes; and the fifth for the seven servants and two chefs they had brought from the castle in the mountain. Though they were so many, Egill felt lonely now without Jia-Long. He wished that Yao would not scold him for too long; he wanted to be beside him again; but he knew that it was selfish to wish so.

What Yao had said was correct; he knew that Jia-Long had spent too much time with him, and no matter what his fiancé said that did make him feel guilty. Jia-Long was going to become the emperor of this great land; he could not afford to constantly cuddle and satisfy Egill's need of attention. Egill just wished there was a way he could help him, in any way…

x

"I apologize for my outburst", Yao said calmly to his nephew, whom was seated on the other side in the carriage, with his arms folded over his chest.

"It was a nice save", Jia-Long commented. "Who knew someone like you could act?"

Yao smiled. "You would be surprised, Jia-Long. You are still so naïve." Jia-Long did not like being called that, and he immediately frowned, something that had little effect on Yao. "You were wrong, earlier", Yao said. "I was not meaning to make Egill feel guilty."

"You did", Jia-Long said.

"My attempt was not to discourage him", Yao said. "Listen to me, for a change. You act like you no longer want to be my heir."

There was silence from Jia-Long, but after a while he did speak. "I do", he said. "I do want to be the emperor of Xiang, Yao."

"Then why do you not act like it?" Yao questioned.

"Egill", Jia-Long said. He sounded like he was ashamed almost, Yao thought.

"Do not fret", said the emperor. "Jia-Long, I will not separate you. I have come up with a solution for your problem." Jia-Long looked at him, sceptically, and Yao could not fault him. He was but a teenager, after all; he was not very good as seeing things outside of his box. A master manipulator, yes, but not wise. He was not Yao. "I will simply have to educate Egill as well", said Yao. "To become an emperor."

"No", Jia-Long said as soon as he heard the proposal. "We will not have two equal emperors of Xiang. I am going to be the ruler, and Egill-"

"Jia-Long", said Yao, again feeling his temper rise. "Stop it with your assumptions. You will be the emperor, but Egill will be educated to be fit to rule by your side. On the outside, you will decide and be in charge, but he will be fit for you to ask advice of. I know that you will not listen to any advisor, or have a council, but perhaps you will actually listen to him."

How foolish he was, thought Jia-Long about the suggestion. As if though Egill would hold an opinion that he had not planted there.

"Regardless of what you do", Yao continued. "I will include both of you during meetings from now on. That way, at least you attend them, and unlike you Egill has a drive to learn; and that will serve you well."

Suddenly, Jia-Long realized that was very true. Egill was good with gathering knowledge, and memorizing facts; clearly this concerned everything from self-defence to geography and Xiangese. So perhaps, it would be good; having Egill learn alongside him. Shifting the burden, so to speak.

However, it would make him dependent on Egill, and he didn't want that, but... perhaps he already was. Thinking about him, he realized that he was missing Egill now, terribly. He wanted to be with him much rather than Yao; always. Clearly Yao was onto something.

"All right", he said. "We'll do that."

Finally, thought Yao; Jia-Long had let go of his pride to accept help from him. It was a rare sight, and he decided to memorize it well; not to remind Jia-Long of it, but for his own sake; like the torn up letter from Egill to Lukas, that he had taken with him to Kwanyo.

With plans made up Jia-Long wished to return to his carriage; to Egill; but Yao advised him not to. They were not stopping until dusk, and then reaching Kwanyo later that evening. He asked Jia-Long for patience, but it was a useless ; since he wouldn't stop Jia-Long opened the door as they were moving, and grabbed the top of the door frame so he could swing his body up, until that he was on the carriage roof. The guards, riding on the horses next to the carriage, looked to him in surprise, as the heir jumped to the roof of the second carriage; scaring the council members in the process.

Yao reached out and slammed the carriage door close, grumbling in annoyance. It was a good thing that his men admired Jia-Long's physique, rather than gossip of how mad the heir to the Xiangese throne was.

When Jia-Long reached his carriage he crouched over the door and pulled it open, before swinging inside and closing it in the process. Egill startled before him, but upon seeing that it was no one else but his fiancé broke out smiling, and locked his arms around Jia-Long's neck when he smiled back. He took the seat next to Egill, with his arm safely resting around his frame.

From experience, Egill knew better than to ask Jia-Long about what he and Yao discussed, even though he was very curious. He hoped that Jia-Long wasn't in trouble, but the words Yao had used during their short tea time had worried him. Therefore, he was much surprised when Jia-Long told him on his own accord.

Though it took a while to explain exactly what it was that Yao wanted – for Egill to participate during meetings, and learn of matters like a council member – Jia-Long managed to convey it eventually, strictly in Xiangese.

"You want me to... rule with you?" Egill asked, staring wide-eyed into the gaze of his fiancé's. "But... I thought I was meant to..." Be a passive spouse, he wished he could say, but his Xiangese failed him. Luckily, Jia-Long was so very intelligent; he could tell that he did not need to elaborate.

"I know", Jia-Long said. "It's not ideal... But it means that we will never have to be separated", he explained, as he stroke Egill's cheek. "And I need you. You're smart, Egill. You can help me memorize – remember – everything essential."

Egill closed his eyes and leant into the touch. "Helping you", he said. "Would make me very happy."

Sometimes Jia-Long wondered what the disagreeable Egill he had met in the castle of Dankrieg would have thought if he saw the now compliant prince, so content with being his. Would he have tried to talk sense into his future self, would he have been disgusted, or would he have reasoned that there must be a cause for the soft nature Egill had adapted?

The answer was one he would never learn, despite his ponderings. After all, that Egill was long gone; erased. Jia-Long had not taken enough time to know him, to know what he would have done. So it shouldn't matter.

But what would Queen Lukas think? What would he think if he set his eyes upon this scene; where the bane of his misery was embracing his younger brother, who willingly leant into his touch, and gazed at him with the eyes of a worshipper? Plain sadism made Jia-Long want to find out; he reckoned it would be much fun to see Lukas break down when he realized that Egill was so happy. They would be able to call him selfish, then, and Egill would defend Jia-Long against Lukas' accusations of his horrible persona.

"Do you want your brother at our wedding?" he asked Egill, later on the ride, when they had made peace with the decision Yao had made.

Egill flinched. "Did he ever", he started awkwardly. "Write me back?"

The letter never delivered. Jia-Long had forgotten about that... but it would bring needless anger, if he told Egill what Yao had done. He had planned on bringing up that Yao had torn the letter in two, if Egill ever came to be closer to Yao than him; but that was something that obviously was not happening. He would let Yao get off easy, this time.

"Egill, it's no telling that the letter was even delivered", Jia-Long said. "Much could have happened to the messenger sent; he could have been killed, perhaps by the Jahonese. All I know is that he never returned." It left a bitter taste in Jia-Long's mouth, having covered for Yao; he would make sure to bring it up the next time they clashed.

"Oh", Egill mumbled. "I see..." Jia-Long cupped his chin, and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"You can write another letter", he said. "In Xiangese of course... we'll have a translator come along with the messenger, so your brother will understand." Due to the context, clever Egill figured out what the word "translator" meant, and he shone up.

"I can?" he asked. "You don't have to do that..."

He was right. There was no real benefit for Jia-Long to have him send another letter to Lukas; absolutely none. Egill was already happy and madly in love; he was already trapped in the cobweb the manipulative spider had spun; past the point of salvation. So why should he give him a connection outside of him; why should he grant Egill this external happiness?

Because it made Egill happy. That was the sole reason for this altruistic act; he realized this at once. He probably loved him for real.

"I know", Jia-Long replied. "But I don't see why not." Egill kissed him on his mouth – taking the initiative for once – again and again, and not stopping until he was all out of kisses, at which point he simply rested his head against Jia-Long's chest, and nuzzled against him dreamily.

"Thank you", he whispered.

"You're welcome", Jia-Long replied.

After this point, both boys remained silent. Egill's mind was full of thoughts of what to write Lukas; he wanted so dearly to tell him how happy he was; and that he was getting married! And he wanted to tell Lukas not to be sad that his baby brother had moved out, but rejoice instead by the news of his upcoming wedding, and how good his Xiangese was after only a near four months. Jia-Long would have to help him write it, of course, or at least check over his shoulder to make sure that his Xiangese was correct. It would be awkward if the translator got something wrong; something that could change the entire meaning of the letter.

Perhaps it was a bit odd that he should write in Xiangese rather than his mother tongue where a translator would be unneeded; however, Egill was intelligent enough to see why. Just like he was speaking only in Xiangese now he had to write only in Xiangese; that was the best way to learn the language. He had to forget his old language to make room for the new one; that was the simple case.

Lukas face in his memory had started to fade, truth to be told. He knew that his brother was blonde and had dull blue eyes, but that also described many people of Dankrieg. He knew that his brother was taller than him, but was he taller than Jia-Long? Probably a bit. He wasn't muscular, but he wasn't as skinny as Egill either... and... he parted his hair to the left, held apart by a golden barrette – no, wait, was it to the right? His memory failed him.

Did Jia-Long remember his sister? His father? Asking that so out of the blue seemed tactless, and so Egill kept his mouth shut. They would be meeting them soon anyway, during the tournament. Egill was nervous, but then he felt Jia-Long, whose arms were around him still, stroking his back. It soothed his worries like only the touch of Jia-Long could, and he lost track of his trail of thoughts. He would never get tired of the feel of Jia-Long's flawless body; that was impossible. A chest, strong by training, yet wonderful to lean against; arms toned to battle, yet only protective around him; hands stained by killing, yet so gentle when caressing Egill; a temple to worship.

As he mused about Jia-Long's strength Egill suddenly remembered the scene from that night, less than a week ago. He recalled his fear, the blood, the dirt and the filth. Even now he felt scared when he saw the picture of a blood smeared Jia-Long before him; but then told his mind; think of the love. So much stronger and vibrant than his fear was the feeling of love, and so he calmed down, and reminded himself that Jia-Long had done that to save him; and the rest of the Xiangese royalty. He had protected millions of people by saving himself and Yao; and thus, it was a sacrifice that had been worth making.

"Egill", Jia-Long said softly, since he sensed that Egill was sleepy. It wasn't strange; he had nursed Jia-Long so well for the last days that his own sleep had been compromised. But he was quite sure that Egill wanted to see this. "You can see Kwanyo in the horizon", he said, which made Egill sit up rather quickly. He pulled the curtain away, and looked out; the evening dark was upon them, but he could see Kwanyo clearly; lit up beautifully. "Since it's Yao's return", Jia-Long says. "There will be a parade tonight."

A parade! That sounded exciting; he recalled during one Xiangese lesson with Yao when the emperor had elaborated to him what a parade implied, and how they went about. He wasn't a party person by any means, but he knew that neither was Jia-Long, and so he was sure not to be forced to do something he would rather avoid doing.

Kwanyo was larger than any city he had seen, supposedly connected to the water; he could not even see the ocean from his view, as the city stretched further still. There were buildings both tall and modest, with the black tile roofs of the castle they had left, but also open spaces for gardens and squares; and a river flowing through. He could not make out individual sources of light, but the entire capital appeared to sparkle. And like he had done when they first reached Xiang together Jia-Long placed a kiss on Egill's cheek and said, this time in Xiangese, and this time in complete honesty;

"Welcome to Kwanyo, my love."

Yao has become my favourite character in this. He is very fun to write, and I think I have the most sympathy for him. What about you, my wonderful readers?

Thank you for your support, as always.