Disclaimer: If you don't get it by now… maybe you should have your memory checked.
The advisor then placed the Gandalf dummy in front of Denethor and moved a good several feet away. Denethor then drew his sword and charged at the Gandalf dummy. Just before he beheaded the dummy, however, the leader of the SBC thought that the Gandalf dummy was the real Gandalf and therefore fired a sedative dart at him. The other members of the SBC followed suit.
Denethor dropped his sword as a goofy grin crossed his face. Then, he caught sight of Faramir's motionless sedated body and ran over to him. "My son!" He cried out. "Say not that he has fallen!"
The advisor just stared at Denethor. "Come again?"
"Kitties make me smile on the inside and the outside!" Denethor replied.
"Okay…" the advisor said. "You're sedated."
Faramir then sat up, rubbing his head. He then saw Boromir's fallen (also sedated) body and went over to it. He then said, "Boromir! Where is thy horn? Whither goest thou? O Boromir!" Faramir then turned to Denethor and said, "You wish that our places had been exchanged; that I had died and Boromir had lived."
"Yes… I wish that." Sedated Denethor replied.
The advisor sighed. "I think it would be best to remove Boromir, Faramir, and Gandalf to the Houses of Healing until they return to normal."
One servant went over to Faramir and took him by the hand and began to lead him out of the room. Right before they got to the door, Faramir turned around and spoke again, "If I return, think better of me, Father." Then, the smile of euphoria left his face as the sedative wore off.
"That depends on the manner of your return," the still sedated Denethor replied.
"What?" Faramir asked. "What are you talking about?"
"I love you, Faramir!"
"Really? Wow! I'm going to go tell everyone in the city!" Faramir whooped and ran out.
"Poor kid," The advisor said to Imrahil, "I wonder if we should tell him that Denethor was under the influence of sedatives when he said that."
"No… I think it would be best to let him believe this little fantasy," Imrahil replied. "I'll do damage-control later."
"Okay… just be ready for a large display of waterworks."
"I live by the sea. I think I can handle it. I'm used to waterworks."
Two servants then began to drag Gandalf out of the room. On his way out, Gandalf said, "Keep it secret! Keep it safe!"
"What?" Everyone who wasn't sedated said.
"Pretty shiny ring!" Gandalf replied and then was dragged out of the room.
Denethor blinked and rubbed his head, exiting the state the sedatives had put him in. "I think I'll fire the captain of the SBC… he does his job too well."
Boromir then sat up and looked at Denethor, still wearing the goofy smile now identified with being under the influence of the sedatives. "They have a cave troll!" He said with a giddy smile.
"What? Who?" Denethor asked, looking around, slightly panicked.
"He loves you, Father! He only wants to please you!" Boromir replied.
"Uh… I'm not really into inter-species relationships." Denethor said, "Or same-sex ones as well."
Two servants sighed and seized Boromir and began to drag him out. Boromir then said, "I see your mind! You will take the Ring to Sauron! You'll go to your death… and the death of us all! Curse you! Curse you! … … … … … … … … … … … Frodo? Oh no… what have I done? Some spell took me! Frodo, forgive me!"
"What?" Everyone asked the sedated Boromir.
"Pretty ponies and unicorns just tickle me pink!" Boromir said with an uncharacteristic giggle. The servants who were dragging him dropped him and edged away from him.
"And to think this is our future Steward!" The advisor groaned. Then, he said a prayer, softly. "Please let my life be taken before that happens!"
"He'd be better than his father." Imrahil pointed out.
"Too true."
Then, the sedated Boromir spoke up again, "Lyke omygawd!111 i'm sewper fat!111 lolz!11111" Suddenly, his hair turned hot pink and his eyes turned violet.
The advisor gasped and ran over to a glass emergency box next to the Gandalf-related emergency one. This one said, 'IN CASE OF MARY-SUE-NESS, BREAK GLASS'.
The advisor got his mallet out and broke the glass. Inside this box was a vacuum. The advisor picked up this vacuum and headed for Boromir, who had now began to develop a flock of animal-friends.
"Lyke omygawd!111 This is sooooooo hawt!1111" Sedated (or possessed) Boromir exclaimed. Suddenly his hair got longer and he randomly sprouted a pink frilly dress. Hummingbirds now did his (er… her? its?) hair in pretty little braids.
"Hang on, Boromir! I'll save you!" The advisor cried out and activated the 'Sue Vacuum'. The Mary-Sue that had come down to possess Boromir screamed as she was sucked out of her unwilling vessel. The cute little fuzzy animals jumped into the vacuum in an attempt to save her, but were then trapped in the vacuum as well. The advisor then placed the vacuum next to where he sat.
Boromir's hair, eyes, and attire turned back to normal and the goofy smile disappeared. "I feel like I have just been freed from some great evil," He said and then rubbed his head. He then walked out of the room to go to his lesson with Rose the Repugnant.
"Okay… that was very strange," Denethor said. "Well… anyway… Bring in the next person!"
The doors open and in walked a man with brown hair and shifty green eyes.
"State your name," Denethor said in his super-bored Steward voice.
"Hello, there!" The man said in an overly friendly and cheerful voice with a big, creepy smile. "I'm Midas!"
"Okay… either this guy's under the influence of sedatives… or he's a door-to-door salesman!" The advisor said in low murmur.
Denethor, however, did not hear this. "And what is your complaint?" He said in his bored voice.
"No, sir, the question is, what is your complaint?" Midas replied.
"And what do you want me to do about it?" Denethor asked, not really listening to what Midas was really saying.
"Sir, on my way through the city, I noticed that security all around was very lax and some people weren't doing their jobs. And that's one thing you don't want when these Dark Times are approaching. I'm here to offer you a great deal that will not only improve the security of your city, but it will make it more efficient!" Then, Midas mentally added on, 'More efficient, that is, for my Master, Sauron, to overthrow your city when the time comes!' But he just kept on smiling his big, phony smile and making eye-contact with Denethor.
The advisor eyed Midas, suspiciously. There was no question about it… Midas was definitely a door-to-door salesman.
"Granted," Denethor said, "Now, guards, please escort this man out."
"Wait!" Midas cried out. "I haven't even told you what I'm selling, yet! I'm offering you three well-trained…" 'To overthrow your city.' "… cave-trolls for the price of one!"
Denethor sat up, alert. "C-c-cave trolls?" He said, thinking back on what Boromir had said before the Mary-Sue spirit had possessed him.
"Do you have a license to sell cave-trolls?" The advisor asked.
"I sure do!" Midas said, whipping it out and handing it to the advisor, still wearing his large, phony grin.
The advisor investigated the license and raised his eyebrows. He then whispered something in Denethor's ear and handed him the license.
Denethor glared down at the license and then turned to Midas. "Guards! Arrest this man!" He yelled.
Midas broke a sweat, but still wore his grin. "On what charges, my lord?" He asked in a wavering voice. He thought, 'Oh no! They must have found out that I serve Sauron!'
"Your license has expired." Denethor stated.
"What a relief!" Midas said, shocked, but relieved that they did not know that he was a Spawn of Morgoth. "When?"
"Five minutes ago," Denethor replied. "I'm disgusted with you, man! Now, guards, throw this punk in the dungeons! Your days of unlicensed salesmanship are over!"
"Wait a minute…!" Said the advisor. "Only one kind of man would be relieved when his license expires! That man's a spawn of Morgoth that serves Sauron!"
"I know that! He said that he was a door-to-door-salesman, already!" Denethor replied.
"No, no!" The advisor replied. "I mean, he actually serves the Dark Lord!"
"Oh! Well, then, hang him!" Denethor said. "Guards, take this Spawn of Morgoth to the gallows!"
"Yes, sir!" The guards replied and then dragged Midas away.
"You know, Denethor, if our security let Midas in, it really is lax," Imrahil said.
"Yes, sir, perhaps we should upgrade our security system," The advisor chimed in.
"Um… Lords? We pulled all of our security forces to look after sedated Gandalf," One brave guard piped up. "Our security's fine when we don't have to look after senile, sedated wizards!"
"Oh! Well, then! That's a relief!" The advisor said and then accidentally leaned on the 'Sue Vacuum' and his elbow flipped the 'release' switch. The vacuum then released the Mary-Sue spirit, all of her once cute and once fuzzy (for the vacuum had sucked off all of their fur and left them… stark naked) animals, and the animals' fur and feathers.
The Sue Spirit dove into Denethor and possessed him. Denethor's hair turned neon pink and his eyes were a deep, kind, caring, loving, sweet, sensitive, anti-Denethor-ish, lavender. He sprouted a pink frilly dress over his Steward's robes. His face had lost its wrinkles and whiskers and he now looked like a pretty teenage girl with very hairy legs and a flat chest.
In the presence of this wonderful new creature, all of the animals sprouted new (and better) fur and feathers. They then flocked around Mary-Sue Denethor.
Imrahil and the advisor just stared at Denethor, wide-eyed and open-mouthed.
"lolz!1111" Mary-Sue Denethor said. "Where's my superhawt and very poor and hawt and abused and hawt and miserable and hawt and cute and hawt and sweet and hawt son, Fari?"
The advisor found that his twitch had returned. "I'm gonna need therapy after this!" He said.
"Frankly… I think it's an improvement." Imrahil said. "Can we keep him this way?"
The advisor looked at Imrahil. "Fine… but you're paying for my therapy."
"lolz!111 U 2 r soooooo funy!11111" Denethor said.
The advisor gave a twitch and small amount of insane laughter escaped his lips.
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